Saturday, November 17, 2007

Republicans are so big there...

they named the local ballclub after them
Thieving monkeys 'out of control' in northeast India
Sat Nov 17, 12:12 PM ET

Troupes of monkeys are out of control in India's northeast, stealing mobile phones and breaking into homes to steal soft drinks from refrigerators, lawmakers in the region have complained.

"Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones, toothpastes, sipping coke after opening the refrigerators," Hiren Das told Assam state's assembly.

He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them".

"It is a cause of serious concern in my area, with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Goneswar Das, another legislator representing Raha in eastern Assam.

Assam's wildlife minister, Rockybul Hussain, said the state government has formed a panel to study the problem.

Because of shrinking forest cover, monkeys have increasingly moved into cities elsewhere in India as well.

Last week, around two dozen people were hurt after monkeys rampaged through a New Delhi neighbourhood.

Last month, the deputy mayor of Delhi died when he fell from his balcony after being attacked by monkeys.

Efforts to drive out the animals is complicated by the fact that devout Hindus view them as an incarnation of Hanuman, the monkey god who symbolises strength.

this can't be good

Phillies top prospect is a Horror

After going through a dead-arm period last April when his velocity was down and his secondary pitches lacked their normal bite (dead arm period: k-madder-speak for Impending Rapid Violent Intensely Painful Labrum Disassembly) , Carrasco hit a groove in 2007 and was promoted to Double-A Reading in June.

Strengths: Carrasco has the makings of two plus pitches with the potential for a third. His fastball has outstanding late life, and is at its best when he works between 89-93 mph. When he needs it, he can touch 94-95. He complements the fastball with the best changeup in the system, and he commands it to both sides of the plate with good depth and fade. His curveball continued to make strides in 2007, ranging from a soft 71-72 mph breaker to a harder 76-78 mph offering that more resembles a slider. His body allows him to unleash all his pitches from a steep downhill plane, and when he's on, he pounds the strike zone.

Weaknesses: As good as Carrasco's pure stuff is, he struggled with runners on base in 2007. When he'd get into trouble, he'd rush through his delivery with his lower half and drag his arm behind his body. That would cause his front shoulder to fly open, costing him command. The Phillies attribute these problems to Carrasco's youth, though he did show signs of improvement later in the year. He'll need to make quicker adjustments as he moves along, especially with pitch selection. With the quality of his secondary pitches, Carrasco should profile as a groundball pitcher with enough power in his fastball to miss bats when he has to. Yet in Double-A, his groundout/airout ratio was a mere 0.7. As long as he is a Horror, don't expect any of this to improve.

The Future: After a half-season of learning in the Eastern League, Carrasco likely will return there to begin 2008. Some Phillies officials believe that Carrasco was rushed again in 2007, but they were also impressed with how much he responded in instructional league afterward. With Cole Hamels entrenched as the Phillies' No. 1 starter, Carrasco would have made a nice complement as a No. 2 by 2009. But he is a k-madder, so he will be dead or in a sanatorium by then.

hoaxers perpetrating greatest hoax ever perpretrated going to elaborate lengths to perpetrate hoax (cont'd)

UN panel gives dire warming forecast

inevitable human suffering... threat of extinction... water shortages... river and coastal flooding... extensive species loss... longer and hotter heat waves... greater competition for water... "so severe and so sweeping that only urgent, global action will do..." worst catastrophes... the poor and the elderly will suffer most... hunger and disease will be more common... droughts, floods and heat waves will afflict the world's poorest regions... more animal and plant species will vanish... "look forward to seeing the U.S. and China playing a more constructive role..." "disastrous..." best-case scenario, temperatures will continue to rise... already committed... scientists couldn't even predict by how many meters the seas will rise, drowning coastal cities... United States opted out... Bush... White House... certainty of climate change... scientific certainty that this is happening... humans... how clear the scientific message is... no excuse not to act... climate systems have already begun to change... abrupt and irreversible changes... planet unrecognizable... totally phokked...

Are you ready for some football?

I am but these games are on this morning:

Ohio State at Michigan: who will finish on top of the hyoooge s#i+pile known as the Big Ten?
Northwestern at Illinois: Cats suckin' big-time already.
Tulsa at Army: why on earth is this game being televised?
Syracuse at Connecticut: depressing SU fact of the week: they have scored over 20 points once all season
The Citadel at Virginia Military Institute: uh, why??
Duke at Notre Dame: who will finish on top of the s#i+pile known as the worst BCS-conf. team in the country?

Then this afternoon:

Northern Illinois at Navy: uh, did they run out of games to show? could Navy break 100? Their point totals the last 5 weeks: 48, 24, 52, 46, 74.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Why did Corms & Decker suck in school?

We now know why:
Study: Initials may influence people's grades, careers

Researchers who studied the impact of initials found that baseball players whose first or last name starts with the letter K, which signifies a strikeout, tended to strike out more often than other players.

And students whose names start with the letters C or D, which denote mediocre marks in some grading systems, did not perform as well as other pupils with different initials.

"Just having the right initial doesn't spontaneously make you a better baseball player, but it can spontaneously make you a slightly worse baseball player," said Leif Nelson, of the University of California, San Diego.

Nelson and Joseph Simmons, of Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut, studied the effect of first or last-name initials in situations where letters corresponded to an undesirable outcome.

Now you know why K-Mad was known as "The Whiff Machine" in little league. Kasey Kiker? I won't be drafting him.

Fung = F.

It's all becoming clear...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

If pAy-Rod is gonna make $27.5 mEEEEEEllion a year and still needs incentives: he's gutless.

Alex Rodriguez is expected to be guaranteed $275 million under terms of his 10-year deal with the Yankees. Among the incentives that could push the deal over $300 million will be bonuses for passing Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds on the all-time home run list. A-Rod is currently at 518 homers, leaving him 244 behind Bonds.

Hmmm, no incentives for not choking in the playoffs, or, like, winning the World Series? One would think that's the sort of incentive Choke-Rod needs. And didn't Hank Steinbrenner say that the Yankees were out of the A-Rod sweepstakes after he opted out of his last contract? That he was done in New York? Sounds like Hank is a chip-off-the-ol'-block (aka full@s#i+).

not only should you not travel, better not leave the house

Between Dumbya's "plan" and now this, you better have Thanksgiving dinner in your basement by flashlight while wearing armor...

Skilling: Autumn storm threat over holiday

To sum up dis story: "...may detioriate...what could be...may have implications...expected...may serve...when monkeys fly."

good to see everyone working together on this / there is another titanic delay directly behind this one

Daley: GOP wants to hike your CTA fares

CTA unions raise strike specter

Mayor, gov, legislative leaders give CTA riders one big goose egg

And today's YOOOGE front page headline, now mysteriously missing from the website:
"Daley to Gov: Don't waste my time -- Mayor walks out of Blagojevich's transit summit


In this year's HACKING MASS, i tied for 153rd with "I can has cheezburger?s".

hoaxers perpetrating greatest hoax ever perpetrated going to elaborate lengths to perpetrate hoax (cont'd)

"The impact of climate change will make the poorest communities across the world poorer. Many of them are already affected by conflict and instability and thus face a dual risk. International Alert’s new research finds that the consequences of climate change will fuel violent conflict, which itself hinders the ability of governments and local communities to adapt to the pressures of climate change... 3.9 beeelllion people live in countries that are at high risk of violent conflict as a consequence of climate change..."

Planning to go somewhere this holiday season? Well, have you considered staying home...?

This will make the CTA seem like the county fair...

Bush outlines plan to ease travel delays (AP)

Expect life-changing, soul-crushing, mind-altering, vomit-inducing, hair-pulling, neverending, dogs and cats living together, s#i+ blowing up delays.

Question is...will K-Mad be McLovin' it?

News Headline: "McDonald's to sell upscale coffees."

News Headline: "Smelling the coffee: McDonald's going gourmet?"

we're not the only idiots

News Item: One in three British adults thinks Mt. Everest is in Europe.

Shouldn't there be an IQ test to run for president?

Tancredo: Irrational Fear More Important Than Healthcare, Education or Anything

Tancredo: If you are going to ask people to actually vote for you for President of the United States of America, you’d better tell them what you are going to do about this problem, because I’m telling you it supercedes all other … It’s more important than healthcare. It’s more important than education policy. It’s more important than trade. It’s more important than anything, because what does all of that matter if you do not do what is necessary to protect this country?


Over 35.5 million Americans found hungry in 2006

how we don't torture or have others not torture for us

Frontline World: Extraordinary Rendition

Just absolutely, freaking ridiculous.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It keeps coming

Oh yeah, this should begin to sway the public's sympathies...

'My silence has painted me as guilty'
Nov 15, 2007

Appearing on NBC this morning, Drew Peterson said his missing wife Stacy asked for a divorce "on a regular basis," and the timing of the requests was "based on her menstrual cycle."

Ya can't make this (stuff) up (cont)

Bike sex man placed on probation

Smiff done with 24

I watched 24 because it was entertaining (yet completely ridiculous), but last season TOTALLY SUCKED, and the "torture method of the week" got really tired. (I also read that they're bringing back a character somehow WHO WAS KILLED, and turning him from a "good guy" to a "bad guy"). Then there's this moron:

“24″ Creator Thinks Clinton As President “Is Nuts”
The man who has created several presidents for the hit TV show “24″ says it’s “nuts” to think of New York Sen. Hillary Clinton being the next real president.
“I’m not even sure that Hillary is a fait accompli [to be the Democratic nominee] at this point,” Joel Surnow, the executive producer of the Fox show, told reporters and bloggers over the weekend, according to the Washington Times. “Are we nuts thinking Hillary Clinton could be president of this country?”
“Honest to God, just stand back and think about it,” he added.

Well, she ain't my first choice, and maybe not even my 6th, but after eight years of you-know-who it's hard to think that just about ANYONE* elected could be considered "nuts." What's nuts is what's been going on the last 7 years. Has Surnow been producing the show from France or somewhere? Honest to God, does he know who is president RIGHT NOW? So if the writers' strike ends and 24 does come back, Joel Surnow can take the first script, shove it up his @$$, and phokk off while doing it.

*I'm talking serious candidates on both sides, not total nutjobs like Tancredo and Hunter with less than 1% support.

and you thought i had anger management issues

My brother on this week's NOVA, "Judgment Day: Intelligent Design on Trial."

i don't think i can watch all the idiots that are going to be on this show. they make me so sick i want to go throw-up. fuck them. if they are so stupid to reject evolution and believe this nonsense - in the truest sense of the word - i don't have to sit thru an hour of them defending this utter bullshit. i cannot believe they are about to get away w/ teaching these fundamentalist delusions to our impressionable children. i think we should find one of those box shaped states (to take a part of a concept from george carlin) evacuate it, fence it off w/ an impenetrable barrier, and put all these lunatics inside it. that way they can preach this shit to each other. have babies ad nauseum. and execute them when they do something against the creed. and guns... give them plenty of guns, so they can shoot each other w/ impunity. i am serious: i am not watching this NOVA. period.

humans fight back

Man bites dog in South End fray


Dog shoots Iowa man during hunt
30 Oct 07 Americas

you can't make this stuff up

News Item: "A man injured himself in both legs after trying to loosen a stiff wheel nut by shooting it with his gun."

A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun. The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place. Shooting at the wheel from arm's length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.

The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries. The man, from South Kitsap, 10 miles (16km) southwest of Seattle, had been repairing his Lincoln Continental for two weeks, according to the police, and had removed all but one of the nuts on the right rear wheel.

Frustrated by the one remaining nut which refused to budge, he resorted to fire power in an effort to shift it. "He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," said Deputy Scott Wilson, a spokesman from the sheriff's office. He sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some pellets reaching as high as his chin, police said.

who's hating America today? (cont'd)

"If we lose sight of liberty in an effort to defeat our enemies, the price may have been too high."
-- Sandra Day O'Connor

Cubs, Cyclones, Horrorz, Smiff: something to consider...

from CNN, the last name is news...

Man weds dog in bid to break curse

NEW DELHI (AP) -- A man in southern India married a female dog in a traditional Hindu ceremony in a bid to atone for stoning two dogs to death, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

The 33-year-old man married the sari-draped dog at a temple in the southern state of Tamil Nadu on Sunday after an astrologer said it was the only way to cure himself of a disability, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported.

P. Selvakumar told the paper that he had been suffering since he stoned two dogs to death and strung them up in a tree 15 years ago.

"After that my legs and hands got paralyzed and I lost hearing in one ear," the paper quoted him as saying.

Family members chose a stray female dog named Selvi who was then bathed and clothed for the ceremony.

The groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun, the paper said.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Two crushing wins to start the season...

SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) -- Freshman guard Jonny Flynn hit a 3-pointer from the top of the key with 5.3 seconds left to break a 68-all tie, and Syracuse beat Saint Joseph's 72-69 on Tuesday night in the second round of the NIT Season Tip-off.

Syracuse, which beat Siena 97-89 in the first round to start the new season, advances to the tournament semifinals next Wednesday at Madison Square Garden.

How You Can Fight Terrorism

"People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you."--rezzziDUNCE, Washington, DC; 9/19/02

Also, go out and spend a lot of money this Christmas.

It's about freakin' time!

Current Temp: 80 (suckers!)

Seeing 70
The thermometer hit 70 this afternoon at Lindbergh Field for the first time all month. The last time it was 70 or higher was Oct. 29. Entering today, the average temperature for the month was 60.8, or 2.8 degrees below normal.
Sunday's rain was the first measurable precipitation in San Diego since Oct. 17. The season total is 0.46 of an inch.
A brief offshore wind event* early today after the storm cleared out is already dissipating. Wind gusts hit 42 mph in Julian this morning, but at 3:14 p.m., the strongest gust was half that, at 21 mph.
The Northwest should get pounded** with storms this week. See the Pacific infrared satellite loop

Note to "The Bibliographic Maven" (you know who you are): this is the ENTIRE story.

*aka: wind
** suckers

okay, but remember a "single-payer, universal health care system" is code for communism

News Item: U.S. has highest infant death rate among industrialized nations.

News Item: U.S. has lowest life expectancy among industrialized nations.

now we know why Bush wants to bomb Iran

Someone is moving in on his action...

News Headline:
"Ahmadinejad calls his critics 'traitors.' "

Paris Hilton in da news / drunken fants in da news

Hilton tries to help drunken elephants

GAUHATI, India - With Rwanda off her charity calendar, Paris Hilton has turned her attention to the plight of ... drunken elephants in India.

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," the 26-year-old socialite was quoted as saying by the World Entertainment News Network's Web site...

Then opportunity for Hilton's "global elephant campaign" knocked last month when six parched pachyderms broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya and guzzled farmers' homemade rice beer. The elephants went on a rampage, then uprooted an electricity pole and were jolted to death.

K-Mad Killer Special

Greg Miller walked six and gave up four runs in two innings during Monday's AFL action.
Miller, once arguably the top left-handed pitching prospect in baseball (until you-know-who drafted him), has allowed 23 hits and walked 16 in 12 2/3 innings in Arizona. He had a 97/89 K/BB ratio in 76 2/3 innings in the minors last season. This makes two straight years of massive control difficulties (see: K-Mad) , so the Dodgers might consider bumping him from the 40-man roster this winter.

Is that all?

U.S. spending on Iraq, Afghanistan will hit $1.6 trillion: report

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan will have cost the United States at least $1.6 trillion by 2008, according to a report by Congress's Joint Economic Committee that is scheduled to be released Tuesday on Capitol Hill.

...the war efforts would reach $1.6 trillion for the period between 2002 and 2008, roughly $20,900 for each family of four.
(or $83,600 per person)

The committee also said that costs could be expected to rise, reaching up to $3.5 trillion between 2003 and 2017.

The total is roughly double the $804 billion the White House has already requested to finance the missions, the report stated. "The full economic costs of the war to American taxpayers and the overall U.S. economy go well beyond even the immense federal budget costs already reported," it read.

Some conclusions:
1) Maybe Dumbya should have majored in math instead of cheer leading at Yale? And that Harvard MBA? May as well be on used terlet paper.
2) HYOOOGE mistakes were made.
3) More tax cuts are needed for the very wealthy and the military contractors making a killing off the war.
4) You kids who need S-CHIP: go phokk yourselves. Better yet, just die already.
5) And in related news, let us not forget that Pres. Man-Child is a fiscal conservative:

Bush wields veto pen — again

NEW ALBANY, Ind. - President Bush, escalating his budget battle with Congress, on Tuesday vetoed a spending measure for health and education programs prized by congressional Democrats.

Bush hammered Democrats for what he called a tax-and-spend philosophy:

"The Congress now sitting in Washington holds this philosophy," Bush told an audience of business and community leaders. "The majority was elected on a pledge of fiscal responsibility, but so far it's acting like a teenager with a new credit card."

Thank you, he'll be here all week. And his philosophy? It's called borrow-and-spend-and-when-the-bill-comes-due-and-the-depression-hits-I'll-

the system works (cont'd)

Income Gap Between Families Grows

WASHINGTON - Decades after the civil rights movement, the income gap between black and white families has grown, says a new study that tracked the incomes of some 2,300 families for more than 30 years.

catapulting the propaganda

And, we can hope, sliding through it.

Now, a personal savings account would be a part of a Social Security retirement system. It would be a part of what you would have to retire when you reach retirement age. As you -- as I mentioned to you earlier, we're going to redesign the current system. If you've retired, you don't have anything to worry about -- third time I've said that. (Laughter.) I'll probably say it three more times. See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda. (Applause.)

hey, whatever works

In Washington, House Minority Leader John Boehner is struggling to rebrand a downtrodden and disheartened Republican Party in time for the 2008 elections. It's no wonder. Its agenda stymied and burdened by an unpopular war and an even less popular President, the GOP is being pulverized in the polls. And with its evangelical base splintered and big business supporters jumping ship, the only message seemingly uniting Republicans is disdain - of immigrants, of blacks, of gay Americans and above all, Muslims. The GOP is now the Party of Hate.

i was expecting pre-school

The Blog Readability Test at allows you to test automatically any Internet site for the level of education it appeals to. A few test results:

• • The American Decency Association at "Junior high school."
• • Fox News at "High school."
• • The Politico at "College."
• • QT at "Genius."

And it doesn't look like we would fly at Saginaw State, especially Fung:

Speech Code of the Month at the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education at

Saginaw State University forbids the telling of any jokes that may involve "race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, age, marital or familial status, color, height, weight, handicap or disability."

And which one most applies here:

QT Two Internet Headlines that Fairly Well Sum Up the Internet (cont'd):

• • "Seven wonders of the cosmos."

• • "What's currently annoying me."

Meanwhile, it looks like QT was behind the times on this one...we broke dis story months ago:

Movie Mistakes at still lists zero mistakes for the 2006 movie "Idiocracy."

That is because it is the perfect movie that explains everything.

Have you rented it yet?


Famous people who died on your birthday at

Who can top: George Burns, Charles Bukowski, Menachem Begin, Robert Mapplethorpe, and The Notorious B.I.G.?

George the 1st might be onto something

Former President George H.W. Bush regarding his son's Iraq war critics:

"I don't know what they are talking about here. Do they think life would be better in the Middle East if Saddam were still here?"

Is he asking if it might have been better if we had continued the successful containment of a dictator who was by no means the worst in the world while concentrating our armed forces instead in Afghanistan and elsewhere against the actual 9/11 terrorists, who would have been largely vaporized by now with our military still intact, with the world cheering us on, with Iran and other nations thinking twice about taking on our might and with our budget not busted for decades to come?


finally, some good news

News Headline: "Ground is rising at Yellowstone Park."

News Headline: "Sleeping giant grows restless."

News Headline: "Yellowstone volcano inflating with molten rock at a record rate."

QT Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash 6 feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) Update:

Move along, move along, nothing to see here. . . .

Monday, November 12, 2007

Bracketology 101. Day One. First Lesson. 9:00-9:01am

Cross dese guys off your list.

Smiff getting a handle on dis ting

Jeff Green followed up his best performance of his young career with 17 points and eight rebounds on Sunday night against Detroit. Green hit all seven free throws tonight. He's scored 36 points the past two games - he had 37 in his first five games. Seattle has four games in Week 3 so consider Green as a possible No 3 forward/guard option. If you stole him in your draft, consider yourself a genius. Also, there must be some real dopes in that league.

Now in 5th, leaving Corms in the dust...

addition by subtraction

Tigers acquired outfielder Jacque Jones from the Cubs for infielder-outfielder Omar Infante.

Chalk one up for the Pizza Man. Of course, he's the same dope who signed Jones in the first place.

shocking, just shocking

Most of county misses out on rainstorm, gets drizzle
SAN DIEGO: It drizzled on the San Diego Chargers last night and around the county, but not enough to quench the parched region. The rainstorm expected yesterday mostly bypassed the county and no more rain is expected this week, according to the National Weather Service. By sunset, Weather Service officials said not enough to measure had fallen except for 0.01 of an inch at Miramar and SeaWorld and a trace amount at Lindbergh Field. The drizzle continued steadily into the night in some spots of the county, but no official measurements were available. Forecaster/fortune teller Mark Moede said he did not see any rain in the foreseeable future.

Spoil Sports

Smiff does, like, 8 of dese...

Things you should never do at work

On da udder hand...

...Chicks with curves are better...

Curvy women may be a clever bet

Fat Blips (cont)

Australia airline 'fat tax' urged

When will they give up & just make the seats bigger?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

they, uh... really suck

Cal Poly-SLO (1-2) 44 44 88
Northern Ill (0-3) 39 39 78

Eastern Michigan totally pummeled Radford though.

disconcerting signals (cont'd)

You might have to go all the way back to 1847 to find a weekend that the Huskies, Cats, and Bears all won.

avert your eyes

Brian Griese was shaken up on a sack at the end of the second quarter Sunday and was replaced by Rex Grossman.
Grossman abruptly botched his first snap from Olin Kruetz, then was sacked by Kirk Morrison on the next play. Griese was carted to the locker room. He could return to start the third quarter, but there have been recent indications the Bears might be considering turning back to Grossman anyway.


stopped raining

holy crap

it's raining

The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

the more things stay the same, the more things stay the same

State probes donation to Blagojevich

Amid 'dysfunction,' Daley to attend CTA summitFirm seeking Cook work has tie to U.S. task force

World Toilet Association builds house

Mmmmmmmm: Fizzy, bottled ham

Phil Rogers: White Sox, Cubs coming up short

who gotst one of dese?