Friday, November 23, 2007

i can see it now: "Macy's presents Chicago"

Dis is da story which may finally cause K-Mad's head to explode...

Chicago might sell naming rights

Fri Nov 23, 2:36 PM ET

Might visitors to the Windy City someday ride the Lowe's Chicago El, shop on the Microsoft Magnificent Mile and tour Old Navy Pier? The city has hired a marketing firm to explore the potential for selling naming rights and sponsorships as a way to bring in much-needed city revenue, the Chicago Tribune reported Friday. The Daley administration has awarded a $285,000 contract to Octagon Inc. to examine what the city has to offer and, by next spring, produce a marketing plan that will attract corporate sponsors and advertisers.

Octagon will inventory city programs, events, buildings and other physical assets and determine which would be most attractive to companies that might want to affix their names in some way. The contract states that any plan must ensure "the integrity of the city of Chicago's brand image," and ideas must be presented to an advisory group of civic leaders, which has not yet been formed. Mayor Richard Daley's press office and Octagon did not return telephone messages Friday from The Associated Press inquiring about the contract.

Chicago wouldn't be the first city to offer municipal names for sale. Nextel has sponsored the Las Vegas Monorail and New York has entered into partnership agreements with such firms as Snapple, Verizon and Pepsi Cola, according to city budget office spokeswoman Wendy Abrams. In Canada, the city of Winnipeg, Manitoba, announced plans two weeks ago to sell naming rights for city pools, arenas, buildings and even city services in an attempt to offset a $2 billion shortfall. Similar programs are operating in Calgary, Ottawa and Toronto.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

k-mad's travels - entirely uneventful until...

running into da Fungster at my gate at da aeroport.... people don't realize that there's this like lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything... people get so hung up on specifics, they miss out on seeing the whole thing...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

take dat, haters

So far, travel smooth despite weather

no stopping The Huckster

First Chuck Norris, then Ted Nugent, now this...

Ric Flair: "Mike Huckabee is the Man, Whooooo!"
Former World Heavyweight Champion 'Nature Boy' to Officially Endorse Huckabee on Saturday before Clemson-Carolina Game

"I am honored to have the support of Ric Flair. I'm a huge fan of the Nature Boy. My children grew up watching him and the Four Horseman. Most of all, I look forward to having Nature Boy join me on the campaign trail at the South Carolina-Clemson game this weekend. Ric's endorsement will help us put a figure four leg lock on our opponents."

Now, i wonder if this troika of morons, like Huckabee, who is a creationist and doesn't believe in evolution, think these things came from outer space?

Fossil found of world's biggest bug

British scientists have stumbled across a fossilized claw, part of an ancient sea scorpion, that is of such large proportion it would make the entire creature the biggest bug ever. How big? Bigger than you, and at 8 feet long as big as some Smart cars. The discovery in 390-million-year-old rocks suggests that spiders, insects, crabs and similar creatures were far larger in the past than previously thought, said Simon Braddy, a University of Bristol paleontologist and one of the study's three authors. “This is an amazing discovery,” he said Tuesday. “We have known for some time that the fossil record yields monster millipedes, super-sized scorpions, colossal cockroaches, and jumbo dragonflies. But we never realized until now just how big some of these ancient creepy-crawlies were,” he said.

Is that a threat?

The Chicago Sun-Times says Rex Grossman is a "lock" to start in Week 12.

cold dead fingers

High Court to Weigh Ban on Gun Ownership

Why are we even talking about this? We wouldn't be America without our guns. We need the Supreme Court to settle this? My phokking @ss. How is my dog supposed to shoot me? With a slingshot? Try that with animal paws.

Expect Hyoomungous Delays

Just what holiday travelers didn't want: Snow

Things I saw on TV (cont)

I'm watching sKILLy's channel during breakfast, and apparently PACE went on strike up north. The reporter said "Some people are worried about whether the boss will think people are skipping out on work." So I thought that maybe someone brought it up during the interview on the street. Nope. The reporter ASKED that question! Then reported it as fact. Making up the news, that's GN for ya. Perhaps they should team up with Faux Noise...

Fungster Surges...

...While Smiff Fades...

Rank Team Points Pts Change

T7. Fung's Globetrotters 65 8
9. Rochester Zeniths 64.5 -1.5

Bush & Co. crappin' on the troops again

Wounded soldiers asked to return signing bonuses

When Jordan Fox was serving in Iraq, his mother helped organize Operation Pittsburgh Pride, which sends thousands of care packages to U.S. troops from his hometown, which prompted a personal “thank you” from the White House. When Fox was seriously injured in Iraq, the president sent what appeared to be personal note, expressing his concerns to the Fox family.

But more recently, Fox received a different piece of correspondence from the Bush administration.

The U.S. Military is demanding that thousands of wounded service personnel give back signing bonuses because they are unable to serve out their commitments.

To get people to sign up, the military gives enlistment bonuses up to $30,000 in some cases.

Now men and women who have lost arms, legs, eyesight, hearing and can no longer serve are being ordered to pay some of that money back.

I watched the report from the CBS affiliate in Pittsburgh, and I kept thinking, “This can’t be right.” Apparently, it is.

Onion Sports Nails It

Worst Coaching Performances

Coaches Lloyd Carr, Romeo Crennel, and Isiah Thomas have all been under the microscope lately, but it remains to be seen if their coaching performances rank with these, possibly the worst of all time:

1876: Ballpark proprietor William Cammeyer gives the players of his New York Mutuals club a pouch of chewing tobacco

1965: 75-year-old, dementia-ridden Casey Stengel removes pitcher Jack Fischer and replaces him with a meatloaf sandwich

1985: With his team on the Patriots' two-yard line in Super Bowl XX, Bears coach Mike Ditka refuses to give the ball to Walter Payton, the beloved halfback whose powerful running carried the team throughout the season, instead allowing some fat fuck with a popular nickname to score a cute novelty touchdown

1986-1993: NFL head coaching career of Jerry Glanville

1992: Before Game 3 of the NBA Finals, Paul Westphal accidentally tells the Phoenix Suns to go out there and lose

1998: During his first NCAA championship game, a flustered Mike Krzyzewski calls 37 time-outs during a two-minute period at the end of the first half

1998: Packers coach Mike Holmgren allows the Denver Broncos to score the go-ahead touchdown unhindered in hopes that would get him the Broncos job in his walk year

2000: Rusty Tillman and seven other guys agree to coach in the XFL

2001: Ahead 6-5 in the bottom of the ninth in Game 6 of the World Series, Phillies manager Jim Fregosi decides to run out the clock

2007: Willie Randolph rests his players during the last game of the season to keep them fresh in case they make the playoffs

Nick Saban: Total Douchebag

Did y'all see dat Alabama lost to the LA-Monroe Warhawks on Saturday?

Total douchebag Nick "I am not going to be the Alabama head coach" Saban compared the loss to 9/11, Pearl Harbor and alcoholism.

This guy makes Gary Barnett, well, look a lot less eely and beady-eyed.

Face it Nick, like Notre Dame, great Alabama football is from a bygone era.


Of course, he will probably be coaching the Jets or something next year.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

LoC comin right downtown baby...

Now the #1 hit for the google search "cholly's squirrel..."

Da Bullz...

Chicago 25 28 16 22 91
Denver 36 36 22 18 112

...suck again.

The Brain-Dead GMs Steel Cage Death Match

Astros GM Ed Wade is in Los Angeles talking to free agents Kaz Matsui and Randy Wolf. It seems that the Astros and Matsui aren't quite as close to a deal as Tracy Ringolsby and Richard Justice indicated last night, so maybe the Cubs could still steal him away.

Pizza Man vs. Dead Weight: A Battle of Idiots for the Ages. Who is going to be the first to say "I am a moron" and sign Matsui to HYOOOGE contract he doesn't deserve? I mean, the guy had a couple of good months playing in Colorado. Before dat he totally sucked with the Mets, who traded him to the Rockies for--are you ready for this?--Eli Marrero. Do Messrs. Henry and Wade not have access to, i dunno, Am i the only who can find this on the internets? Well, if anyone in the World Series-free (since 1908) organizations spent 5 minutes to look at his stats they would find his gawdawful road numbers for 2006-07: .260/.293/.397 & .249/.304/.333. He's the same player he was with the Mets: not good and now older. Is there some kind of aspiring GM-school these guys go to and have their brains removed before embarking on their careers? The Cubs and Asstros would get similar (or better) production out of players they are already have (Chris Burke, The Riot &tc.). And why don't the Cubs just play Eric Patterson for crying out loud? The mind boggles with how idiotic these idiots truly are...

a chance for K-Mad to get away from it all...

I believe the pay is in animal pelts and whale blubber...

Do you believe in the public's right to have information about their government? Are you excited by the unprecedented opportunities for access and library promotion potentially offered by the electronic future of government information? At the same time, do you fret over whether today's government information will be available in 2050? Do paper documents mean more to you than a "legacy collection"? Are you tech-savvy or a demonstrated self-learner? Do you enjoy a friendly collaborative workplace in an outdoors-friendly community?
Then you need to apply for the position of Government Publications Librarian at the Alaska State Library!

This position coordinates the Alaska State Publications Program, which obtains state publications from state agencies regardless of format and makes them available through a system of eight depository libraries and in many cases, over the Internet. This position also coordinates a small Canadian documents depository and supervises the Federal Documents Librarian.

The Alaska State Library is looking for someone who not only oversees the collection and preservation of government documents, but someone who can promote government information and other library resources in nontraditional ways and venues. If you've got creative, economical promotional ideas to try, this could be the place for you.

This position isn't all documents all the time. As a librarian at the Alaska State Library, you would also be a research resource for Alaska state agencies and serve the general public in person, by phone, by e-mail and through emerging technologies. You would also have a role in surveying and analyzing users and potential users to help refine our services.

wah roh ... wha happened?

White Sox designated outfielder Scott Podsednik for assignment.
The assumption was that Podsednik would be non-tendered next month, but the White Sox needed his roster spot now. Podsednik could still be traded over the next 10 days. If that doesn't happen, he'd go on waivers. However, he has the service time to declare himself a free agent if claimed.

Is Kill Kenny trying to lose?

Don't believe the hype (cont)

So much for Apple saying its computers are really easy to use and can be upgraded easily while PC's are hard and you need a new computer every time they upgrade the OS and blah, blah, blah...

Father knows high-tech hype when he sees it

holiday spirit: a ragin' contagion'

Boys, 8 and 9, charged with rape
Holiday travel off to a rough start
FBI details US hate crimes rise
Father of burned boys called person of interest
Cubs president quits, joins Blackhawks
100,000 kids to be tracked
Chicago worst again in mail service
Mr. Whipple dies
Dog back home after adventure, neutering
48°F Mist * Traffic ~ Weather: UGLY

don't try the veal

Background: After Veal led minor league starters with a .175 opponent batting average and shared Chicago's minor league player of the year award with Rich Hill in 2006, he had trouble getting untracked last season. He went 0-4, 10.57 in his first four starts and battled his control and command throughout the year, leading the Double-A Southern League with 73 walks.

Strengths: Hitters don't see many pitchers like Veal, a big lefthander with quality stuff and an unorthodox delivery. He has a swing-and-miss fastball in the low 90s and he likes to work both corners with it. His curveball shows flashes of being a plus pitch, while his changeup is solid at times.

Weaknesses: Veal lacks consistency in most phases of his game. He has a tough time maintaining his delivery, which includes a big leg kick, and his high three-quarters arm slot. When he falls behind in the count, he'll short-arm the ball and try to aim it, making matters worse. He has trouble staying on top of his curveball, and some scouts wonder if he might need to go to a splitter. Too often in 2007, his fastball was his only reliable pitch.

The Future: He has a ceiling as a No. 2 starter, but Veal also could wind up as a reliever in the mold of Arthur Rhodes. The Cubs sent him to instructional league rather than to the Arizona Fall League so he could build up confidence against lesser hitters, and they'll probably send him back to Double-A to start 2008.

this is just to shocking to believe

While the RezzziDUNCE's press secretary, Scott McClellen lied. He admits this in his new piece o' crap book:

The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior-most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.

There was one problem. It was not true.

I had unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice President, the President’s chief of staff, and the president himself.

Blame Decker (cont)

Note to Briggs: This is the spot where you exclaimed: "Why the phokk isn't there a huge building here, instead of this parking lot. It makes no sense. These people are idiots." Well, apparently they heard you and now they're working on it...

They have huge red banners on the buildings across and next to the site, i.e. the buildings whose view would be ruined by the new building...

Shocking! (cont)

Sex Scandal Hits Atlanta-Area Megachurch

DECATUR, Ga. - The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her.

In truth, this is not the first -- or even the second -- sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church. But this time, he could be in trouble with the law for lying under oath about the affair.

are they sure it isn't Bigfoot?

Mystery Fla. animal likely a squirrel

MACCLENNY, Fla. - An animal sneaking around Baker County is not an orangutan as originally thought but likely a fox squirrel, state wildlife officials said Friday. Officers with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission laid doughnuts at a base of a tree after residents reported seeing a "big orange ball of fur."

the squirrels are angry, my friends

News item: Squirrels briefly kill power in 2 cities

more s#i+ "America's finest city" don't got

Bell's beer is coming back to Chicago

(Crain’s) — A year after pulling its beers from Chicago taps and liquor stores, Bell’s Brewery Inc. is making plans for a return.

The Kalamazoo, Mich., brewery stopped serving Chicago after a dispute with National Wine & Spirits Inc., the Indianapolis company that holds the rights to distribute Bell’s Beer in Illinois...

Brewery president Larry Bell says he has found a way to get around the impasse: He has created three new beers specifically for the Chicago market...

Mr. Bell, a Park Forest native, says he is finalizing contracts with two distributors to bring the beers, under the name Kalamazoo, to bars and restaurants in just a few areas of Chicago. The company already has federal permits to sell three varieties of Kalamazoo — Indian pale ale, porter and royal amber ale.

Each bottle will have a label reading: "Brewed especially for the people of the great state of Illinois." (even Blago? ed.)

Mr. Bell also needs a license and label approval from the Illinois Liquor Control Commission, but litigation may be a more significant obstacle.

He says National Wine & Spirits officials have told him they will sue to stop the sale of Kalamazoo beers in Chicago. NWS executives could not be reached for comment Monday afternoon.

"I think it will be a very interesting court case"” Mr. Bell says. "They’ve promised to make it as messy and difficult as they can..."

"We know we’re going to get sued, so we’re just sticking our toes in the water with a couple of people who are willing to get in the water with us," (Smiff? ed.) Mr. Bell says...

Monday, November 19, 2007

Can't they just smother them with a pillow?

or put them outside on a cold, winter night?

Kicking out old people because they’re on Medicaid?

Eleven residents of Victoria House in Port Townsend, Washington State, (some in their 90s) are being evicted from the assisted living facility with 90 days notice. Why? Because the Victoria House management company, has decided to stop accepting Medicaid, and there is no law in Washington that makes them have to stick with their agreements with tenants.

Too busy watching "Ow, My Balls"?

Americans Are Closing the Book on Reading, Study Finds

Americans aren't just reading fewer books, but are reading less and less of everything, in any medium. That's the doleful conclusion of "To Read or Not to Read," a report scheduled for release today by the National Endowment for the Arts.

Note to the brainiacs at NEA: we have our own art, which our lives frequently imitate.

How will S#i+ Blowing Up choke?

122.90 Match


Needing .56 of a point, I can use either Selvin Young or Travis Henry tonight, depending on who might start. So here are some things that can happen:
1) They share a cab to the stadium, are involved in a traffic accident and miss the game.
2) On the Broncos' first play, Young is tackled, fumbles, and breaks both of his ankles.
3) Henry is suspended by the NFL for marijuana, coke, steroids, HGH, the cream and the clear, flaxseed oil, caffeine, having the wrong colored shoelaces, and "making it rain" during a triple-homicide. He is also hit with two more paternity suits, and decides to miss the game to impregnate another woman rather than Broncos' scoreboard.
4) An asteroid strikes Denver.
5) All of the above.

a new Kollyforniya swindle

GOP electoral ploy* revived
Left for dead just weeks ago, the Republican-sponsored initiative to change how California's presidential electoral votes are allocated is racing to qualify for the June ballot.

The initiative would award California's electoral votes by congressional district rather than the current winner-take-all system based on the statewide popular vote. Had this been in effect in 2004, President Bush would have picked up an additional 22 electoral votes, rendering moot the all-night vigil over Ohio's 20 electoral votes. Democrats denounce the initiative as a “right-wing power grab” and vow they will spare no expense to torpedo the measure if it qualifies. Early polls show its support to be under 50 percent.

“Our approach is, anytime someone is trying to rig the system by changing the way California votes, you've got to take it seriously,” said Democratic political consultant Chris Lehane, who is directing the opposition effort.... “The idea itself is fine if it's applied to all states. And it's a horrible idea if it's applied only to California,” Cain said. “If the Republicans were serious about reform, they would introduce it in all 50 states. So I think it's completely disingenuous for them to call it a reform initiative.”

*ploy aka scam

Kill Kenny: Winner or Loser?

White Sox acquired SS Orlando Cabrera from Angels in exchange for RHP Jon Garland.
An odd trade, because the White Sox already re-signed Juan Uribe and the Angels don't have a clear replacement for Cabrera unless they think that Erick Aybar is ready. The White Sox pick up an excellent defender who batted .301/.345/.397 in 155 games for the Angels in 2007, giving them a huge upgrade over Uribe. A free agent after 2008, Cabrera will make $9 million in the final season of his contract. Uribe could slide to second base or fill a utility role, but another trade is possible given that the White Sox now need pitching.

"News" Item: Fat Blips

The Health Of America
The United Health Foundation recently ranked the 50 states, top to bottom, in order of healthiest to least healthy. Here are some of the key rankings, along with the factors that placed them there.

West Virginia, 44 (45): Governor delivered on promise of squirrel in every pot
New York, 27 (8): Trans-fats ban in restaurants forcing residents to mug/rape/murder one another
New Jersey, 21 (14): Clerical error in medical records corrected
California, 25 (21): Role demanded a more diabetic look
Illinois, 28 (27): Chicago extended legal limit for deep-dish depth
Nevada, 39 (38): 38 wasn't working for them; trying luck with 39
Wyoming, 19 (23): Health department ordered all unhealthy people to stay home when United Health Foundation was in town

In all seriousness (er, sorta), the bottom 10 states are all in the South. They all went for Bush. Obviously, being a fat phokk makes you dumber (i was a lot smarter 25 years ago). "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life."--Dean Wormer

Yes, but these are like $300...

Twenty percent of NYU students in a survey said they would exchange their right to vote in the next presidential election for an iPod Touch.

With allies like these, who needs enemies?

QT News Item: A Saudi Arabian court sentenced a woman who was gang raped to 200 lashes and six months in jail for being alone with unrelated men at the time of the rapes, as the planet spun toward the eighth year of its bright new millennium.

Fungster's back at work

After two weeks off without going anywhere. Got as far as Old Orchard. But was I really out of the office? They called me ALMOST every day, and I basically worked on Thursday. The life of an IT manager at a small company - no vaca for you. Shoulda beena libratorr...

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Tonight in Chicago: Mostly cloudy. 30 percent chance of showers (in udder words: no phokking clue). Low upper 30s/low40s.

Calif. fire crews prepare for dry winds

LOS ANGELES - Officials in Southern California began deploying firefighting crews and equipment Sunday as meteorologists predicted a return of the dry winds that stoked last month's devastating brush blazes.

godspeed barry (nice tits!)

Skyscraper claimed!

He Guone! Smiff does it again...

Nets' rookie Sean Williams got NBA devotees buzzing with his recent play, and his first start of his career won't do anything to quite the excitement. In 35 minutes, Williams had a team-high 22 points, eight rebounds, two steals, two blocks, and made 8-of-10 free-throws. Pick up Sean Williams right now. He has more upside than a skyscraper, and will be gone from your waiver by tomorrow, if he isn't already.

probly shoulda mentioned this on the first day of practice

"I thought our kids played hard, but you've got to put the ball in the basket."
-- NIU head basketball coach Ricardo "What da Phokk Have I Done to My Life?" Patton after yet annudder totally sucking attempt to win a game