Friday, July 25, 2008

This is silly - silly, silly, silly, silly, SILLY!

California bans restaurants from using trans fats
Fri Jul 25, 4:26 PM ET
California is joining the health crusade against artery-clogging trans fats. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed legislation Friday that will prohibit restaurants and other "food facilities" from using oil, margarine and shortening containing trans fats. Violations could result in fines of $25 to $1,000. Food sold in their manufacturers' sealed packaging would be exempt. New York City and Philadelphia have ordinances banning trans fats, but Schwarzenegger's office says California is the first state to adopt such a law.

However, this is not:

Stop Arnold: Sign the petition to protect 200,000 state workers
Tell Governor Schwarzenegger to halt the wage cuts and close the Yacht Tax loophole
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced that he will sign an Executive Order on Monday slashing the wages of over 200,000 state employees to the bare minimum. Not California's minimum wage of $8 per hour. The federal minimum wage of $6.55. Six dollars and fifty-five cents an hour. Imagine trying to pay your bills on $6.55 an hour, or buy liquor. Now imagine what will happen to thousands of vital service workers forced to live on poverty-level wages, or buy liquor. A nauseating irony: many state employees may need to seek aid from the very state services that employ them. This is absolutely outrageous. And the only way we can stop Arnold is by raising our voices as loud as possible in protest before 9 a.m. on Monday. Please sign our petition to Governor Schwarzenegger. On Monday morning, we'll deliver thousands of your signatures to the Governor's office...

LoC Top 40 - An Occasional Survey (cont'd)

1. stooooooopid (139)
2. FULLA$#i+ (115)
3. Bushian (99)
4. totally phokked (93)
5. that's so America (88)
6. we are living in a golden age (cont'd) (87)
7. SHOCKING (79)
8. bad ideas (77)
8. expect delays (77)
10. s#i+ blowing up (68)
11. whitey keeping darky down (cont) (65)
12. he SUCKS (60)
13. brain-dead managers (58)
14. weather (whining about) (56)
15. Idiocracy (54)
16. brain-dead GMs (53)
16. move along - nothing to see here (53)
18. moron (50)
19. adventures in plutocracy (48)
20. Cub (that is so) (47)
20. Dumbya (47)
20. rezzziDUNCE (47)
23. brain-dead Americans (46)
23. offered without comment (46)
23. they SUCK (46)
26. s#i+ for brainz (43)
27. America-hating "Americans" hating America (42)
27. how does k-mad do it (cont'd)? (42)
29. Da City Dat Works (40)
29. fightin' phils (40)
31. Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick Cheney (39)
32. End Times (will they hurry up already?) (38)
32. improbable things (38)
32. zzzzzzzzzz........... (38)
35. America: bacon to the world... mmmm bacon... (36)
35. McCain: unhinged (36)
37. Ozzie Guillen (35)
37. World's Awfulest "Newspaper" (tie) (35)
39. ASSHOLE (34)
39. Internets (34)
39. the end times? (34)

LoC editor writes a message for McCranky on the bathroom wall

And the message is, go phokk yourself...

Obama set the tone early on the trip, stepping on a basketball court before a cheering crowd of U.S. troops and calmly nailing a 3-point shot.


"As soon as he hit that 3-pointer, I knew it was going to be a bad week," Republican consultant Joe Gaylord said... (Suck on it... Ed.)

But McCain's aides fumed at the heavy media attention on Obama and struggled to compete. Weather scuttled McCain's plan to fly to an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico to highlight his drilling proposals, and one cable network cut away from his New Hampshire town hall to report the rescue of an injured bear cub in California. (Funny! Ed.)

Fixin' up Corporal's Ole Ride

In the old spirit of LoC - some interpersonal news. Corporal's old ride is having the hood buffed to try and remove the offending splotch, the leather treated, the interior detailed, and fresh pinstriping put on the front fenders today. A Nakamichi stereo is on the way, with a nice OEM look. I'm going to have the thing pimpin' Alex P. Keaton style in no time. Maybe change the plates to INVS HND? LSZ FRE? VD ECON? LFR CRV?

They sure grow up fast, don't they?

Julio Castillo -S- Cubs
Low Single-A Peoria's Julio Castillo was arrested on felony assault charges after throwing a baseball into the stands and sending a fan to the hospital on Thursday. Castillo was one of 15 or 17 players (depending on the report) ejected in a game against Dayton that included two beanings and a broken leg sustained by the fielder on a hard slide into second. With the managers already arguing, Castillo got the brawl started by firing a ball towards the Dayton dugout, apparently with the intention of drilling a player, not a fan. The 20-year-old Dominican is expected to be arraigned on Friday. It seems highly unlikely that he'll be back on a minor league mound this season, and if he's convicted of a felony, he'll probably have his visa revoked. To top it off, we imagine he's going to face a lawsuit as well.

Hey! Who you callin' "dingy?"

Is TPM dissing LoC?

"First it's a bunch of nobodies with dingy websites doing the equivalent of writing profanity on bathroom walls..."

Coming to the NFL?

Yahoo excitedly reported on the A-11 offense being run by high school teams.
The base offense is one in which a center and two tight ends surround the football, three receivers are split right, three more split left and two quarterbacks stand behind in a shotgun, one of whom has to be at least 7 yards behind the line of scrimmage.
An NFL coach, who identified himself only as Lovie S. has apparently contacted Steve Humphries, creator of the formation, about whether it can be modified to operate without quarterbacks or wide-receivers.

Our long international nightmare is almost over

Arctic may hold as much as a fifth of undiscovered oil and gas reserves

The race for petroleum resources above the Arctic Circle is likely to speed up in coming years, as the polar ice cap melts and access to oil and gas reserves in many other places around the world becomes more challenging.

The lure of the Arctic as oil's next big frontier was vindicated this week as a major geological survey found the region might hold as much as a fifth of the world's yet to-be-discovered oil and natural gas reserves.

Many of these new resources, according to the survey, are to be found in Russia. If true, that would cement Russia's position as one of the world's dominant energy players, particularly for natural gas, and increase its already powerful clout over Europe's energy supplies.

As the melting polar caps open up prospects that were once considered too harsh to explore, a race has begun among countries including the United States, Russia and Canada for control of these Arctic resources. The findings by the United States Geological Survey, which constitute the largest-ever survey of petroleum resources north of the Arctic Circle, could accelerate this scramble.

i guess big media censored this one, too - Watch more free videos

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Just thinking about it makes Smiff throw-up in his mouth a little...

Fun Wid Maps

Have Fun!

The next wave in advertising

Ok, so I was on the facebooks, playing that one game I play quite often (Sarge, really, this is ridiculous - you have until next monday, udderwise it's going as a loss). Anyway, this game has ads in it, and for one of the ads, they took a picture of one of my "friends" and her name and put it into the ad. I think it was for some sort of movie or something. Then later, I think it was a variation on the message, but this time they used another friend. Now, I don't know if buried in the usage agreement we never read before we signed up there's a paragraph saying "oh yeah, advertisers can use your face and name to advertise to your friends without you knowing and without you getting anything out of it" but if there is I'd be mighty miffed. Here's annudder thing. I have my year of birth blocked, though of course da lords at Facebook know what it is. However, there's annudder ad dat comes up that refers to how old I am. So maybe it's an automated thing and the advertisers actually can't see how old I am, but again dis is a little frightening. I may have to do a bit more digging into this one...

McCain - following in the Spades Marathon footsteps...

McCain Plays Catch-Up: Attends German Restaurant In German Village, Ohio
July 24, 2008 12:09 PM

John McCain is still playing catch up to Barack Obama.

As the Illinois Democrat speaks before the picturesque Victory Column in Berlin today, the Arizona Republican is doing a slightly less exciting form of German outreach. He is having a lunch meeting with small business leaders at a German restaurant in German Village, Columbus, Ohio.

The presidential race, it seems has boiled down to who has the greatest German appeal. McCain's appearance at Schmidts' restaurant, a "Sausage Haus" comes after the RNC launched several advertisements in towns named Berlin.

Among the items he may have ordered include: Sauerkraut-Bratwurst Balls, Hoffbrau Schnitzel, or the Bratwurst, voted the "Best Wurst" by Columbus Monthly.

Fung and Adam have their picture taken with their faces in those things - they look at each other with love! Sadly - the pictures are on another computer right now...I'll tell you what - win or lose - McCain's in for a NICE lunch. I hope he throws up on some autoship dealer from Zanesville. Meanwhile, this strategy seems to be working as he starts making a dent in the battleground ("we only watch O'Reilly when our shows aren't on") states

Some Lite Reading

Rating Ozzie's most memorable blowups

If you're gonna make this list, may as well include the swears...

A plan to kill endangered animals and help starving refugees - why is that a problem?

"Regarding the Congressman's desire to hunt wildebeest and distribute the cured meat to refugees, wildebeest are not present in Chad." (Damn! If it's not one thing it's another... Ed.)

Good Morning!

McCain Makes Significant Gains in Four Key Battleground States
Majority of Voters in Colorado, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin Favor Keeping Troops in Iraq, According to Street Journal Survey

Republican John McCain has quickly closed the gap between himself and Democratic rival Sen. Barack Obama in several key battleground states even as the Arizona senator struggles to break through the wall-to-wall coverage of Obama's trip to Europe and the Middle East this week.

Moral: Don't Phokk Wiff Da K-Mad

Pedro Martinez won't start Friday as expected after learning of the death of his father following Wednesday's game.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The brain-dead troglodyte is back...

...Yes, The Awful Brett Myers!!! I see that he STILL SUCKS! Though i suppose the good news here is that he not only didn't serve up a grand slam, but allowed no homers at all. So take dat, HATERS (myself). Still, i hate the man. HATE.

Bottom 1st: NY Mets
- J. Reyes grounded out to second
- E. Chavez walked
- D. Wright walked, E. Chavez to second
- C. Delgado walked, E. Chavez to third, D. Wright to second
- C. Beltran walked, E. Chavez scored, D. Wright to third, C. Delgado to second
- M. Anderson grounded out to second, D. Wright scored, C. Delgado to third, C. Beltran to second
- D. Easley grounded out to third
2 runs, 0 hits, 0 errors
Philadelphia 0, NY Mets 2


Euroleague stats will not count in PARCers '08-'09

...much to the chagrin of Sarge.

Ex-Hawk Childress signs with Greek club team news services
Updated: July 23, 2008, 5:54 PM ET

Josh Childress is leaving the Atlanta Hawks for Greek club Olympiakos, reversing the course of the many international stars who have signed with the NBA.

Heading overseas allows Childress to make more money than he could have as a restricted free agent in the United States. The Hawks had the right to match an offer from another NBA team, but not from an international club.

McDonald's - wid da Red Chinese

From Crain's, July 23:

Ads airing on Chinese TV depict Chinese athletes chowing down on Big Macs and the like, amid catchy music and the tag line, “I’m lovin’ it when China wins.”

In addition to the “Cheer for China” TV spot, the firm in April flew to Beijing the one and only Ronald McDonald, McDonald's Corp.'s “chief happiness officer,” as a press release puts it.

Mr. McDonald met with the five winners of a nationwide talent search “to find unique individuals to cheer for Chinese athletes during the Olympic Games period,” the press release says. More than 1 million people reportedly competed for the honor.

The release adds that Ronald McDonald and the five cheerers “danced steps in time with McDonald’s Shake Shake Fries rattles and special McDonald’s Cheering Cups to add to the excitement of the program. From today, McDonald’s is also extending the ‘I’m lovin’ China Win’ cheer and dance to employees at its restaurants as a customer greeting.”

improbable developments in plutocracy (cont'd)

News item: Auditors at an oversight agency of the Pentagon were pressured by supervisors to skew their reports on a major defense contractor's work, hiding wrongdoing and charges of overbilling, according to an 80-page report from the Government Accountability Office.

Meanwhile, on the RezziDunce farewell tour...

'Wall Street got drunk' says Bush

Weren't you the one pushing home ownership? Now the banks & everyone else "went too far"? And where were you when they were going too far, sir?


Kevin Millwood left his Wednesday start in the third inning with an unknown injury.


Did Dumbya find a magic wand??

McCain credits Bush for recent $10-a-barrel drop in oil price

Fair enough--along as we can blame him for the $100 increase since he took office...


Asshole Who Doesn't Know A Lot of Things

Novak hits pedestrian with car
Posted: 12:05 PM ET

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Journalist Robert Novak hit a pedestrian with his car in the nation's capital Wednesday morning, Washington police Lt. Michael Lockerman said.

Novak continued driving, unaware he had hit the man, he told reporters for WJLA-TV and the Web site Politico as he got out of a police car.

"I didn't know I hit anybody," he said near the scene of the incident at 17th and K streets in northwest Washington. "A bicycle rider stopped me and said I had hit someone."

Well, he is from Mississippi

Brett Favre might want to invest in his own cell phone

the suspense is killing Fungster

Apple hints at something new

... there is some speculation that it may introduce a new kind of device that is smaller than a laptop but larger than an iPhone. (A sammich? Ed.)

Grandpa Fights Back

For the first time since shortly after clinching the Democratic nomination, we now have Barack Obama as less than a 60 percent favorite to win the election. Our simulations presently project Obama to win the election 58.4 percent of the time, with McCain winning the remaining 41.6 percent.

troops? we don't need no stinkin troops

News item: Since 1994, 12,342 service men and women have been discharged, according to Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, a gay rights group.


The fist bump should have missed - woulda been funnier. Also, there should be clear evidence of an adult diaper.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Things That Suck: The New York Mets (cont'd)

Top 9th: Philadelphia
- D. Sanchez relieved J. Santana
- J. Werth singled to center
- G. Dobbs hit for P. Feliz
- G. Dobbs singled to center, J. Werth to second
- S. Victorino singled to center, J. Werth to third, G. Dobbs to second
- J. Smith relieved D. Sanchez
- C. Ruiz reached on fielder's choice, J. Werth scored, G. Dobbs to third, S. Victorino to second
- G. Jenkins hit for C. Durbin
- P. Feliciano relieved J. Smith
- S. Taguchi hit for G. Jenkins
- S. Taguchi doubled to deep right, S. Victorino and G. Dobbs scored, C. Ruiz to third
- J. Rollins doubled to left, S. Taguchi and C. Ruiz scored

- C. Utley grounded out to first, J. Rollins to third
- P. Burrell intentionally walked
- R. Howard grounded out to pitcher, J. Rollins scored, P. Burrell to second
- A. Heilman relieved P. Feliciano
- J. Werth walked
- G. Dobbs popped out to shortstop

6 runs, 5 hits, 0 errors
Philadelphia 8, NY Mets 5

typical climate change nutjob

Climate protester tries to glue himself to Brown

LONDON (AFP) - A climate change protester unsuccessfully tried to superglue himself to Prime Minister Gordon Brown at an event in the leader's residence, a government spokesman said Tuesday.

Ed Wade: Get a Brain Morans

Astros acquired LHP Randy Wolf from the Padres for RHP Chad Reineke. Wolf will take Roy Oswalt's rotation spot now and maybe Runelvys Hernandez's later. He was 6-10 with a 4.74 ERA for the Padres and 1-6 with a 6.63 ERA away from Petco Park. It's doubtful that he'll be an asset in Houston, and any fantasy value he still had is now gone.

Does Ed Wade honestly think the Asstros are a playoff calibre team? 5th in the division...10 games out of the wild teams ahead of them for the wild card. Hell, the Padres probably have a better chance of winning the NL West, given the awfulness of that division. And certainly, even if Houston was "a player away," hard to see how Randy Wolf fits that description. Maybe you should have gone for Rich Harden, Ed. Though, of course, Houston's minor league system is a virtual dustbowl of a talent: vast rigor mortis at every level. What a maroon.

Fung has probably already gotten dis off the internets

The Daily Star, a British tabloid, is reporting that there is a sex tape featuring Alex Rodriguez and Madonna. It's hard to believe this is true: the cameraman is claiming that he obtained the tape through the use of a hidden camera in a friend's apartment, and he is apparently extorting asking Madonna for "a fortune" for the rights to the video. This would put him in a lot of trouble with the law and likely end up in jail time, and while it's hard to believe anyone is that foolish, we are talking about a guy who thinks there's demand for an A-Rod/Madonna sex tape.

imperviousness to irony (cont'd)

Exclusive: Scientists warn that there may be no ice at North Pole this summer

It seems unthinkable, but for the first time in human history, ice is on course to disappear entirely from the North Pole this year.

. . .

If it happens, it raises the prospect of the Arctic nations being able to exploit the valuable oil and mineral deposits below these a bed which have until now been impossible to extract because of the thick sea ice above. (YAY! Ed.)

Does it get any more Zzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzz dan dis?

TV host Williams: Omarosa 'delusional, pathetic' (duh)
By DERRIK J. LANG, AP Entertainment Writer

LOS ANGELES (Smiff's northern suburb)- Reality TV villain Omarosa (this name sounds familiar - was she fired as some point?) sparred with talk show host Wendy Williams (who?) on Monday in a spat that at one point turned physical (cat fight? Is there video?).

She appeared on Fox's (how low can you go?) "The Wendy Williams Show" (everyone has a show these days - and they're so unimaginative that they just name it after themselves) to promote her upcoming book (shameless money making scheme) but instead spent more time trading insults with the radio personality-turned-talk show host.

"I wanted to throw her off the set," Williams later told The Associated Press (I think we would all have chipped in for bail).

The altercation started when Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth first walked onto the daytime talk show and said she was displeased with Williams' introduction of her and would not be disrespected (oh no you didn't). Things got uglier when Williams grabbed Omarosa's book cover to hold it up to the camera, and Omarosa snatched it back out of Williams' hand (oh snap).

"Omarosa wished her career was my career," (really? coz, I'd at least heard of her, and still aren't sure who you are) Williams told the AP. "Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman."(er, the only person that's actually D-list is Kathy Griffin. Everyone else is on some list either higher or lower than D)

The yanking gave way to Omarosa attacking Williams' appearance (that's like the pot calling the kettle, er, um, eh, I'm a darky, I can say it, black), asking the talk show host whether she had had a nose job and suggesting she shouldn't wear wigs (but it's so much faster than going down to the salon, and way cheaper too).

But Williams didn't stay silent throughout the heated interview (she ain't no punk ass). She called Omarosa "a typical angry black woman" (oh snap - yes, you can use it more than once)and suggested cosmetic injections could fix her wrinkles.

Will there be a rematch? (catfight at midnight? dustup in makeup?)

"I have no reason to invite Omarosa back to the show," (wuss) said Williams. "That's done. She had her moment."

Omarosa was a contestant on the first "Apprentice" with Donald Trump in 2004. Her domineering personality quickly earned her enemies among fellow contestants and TV viewers (and, apparently, 15 minutes of fame that's in about minute 14 somewhere).

An after-hours telephone message and e-mail to Omarosa's publicist were not immediately returned Monday.

Phil Gramm was right!

It is all mental...

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

Bats and Balls: and dat's just the food

7:34 PM me: PUMMELING: my teams go 11-1 dis week
7:35 PM Kevin: same here - woulda been 12-0 if halladay hadn't gotten hammered and left the door open for aaa pitcher (waaaaahhh)
mmmmmmmm spam
actually i meant 8-1
7:36 PM cherries: monsters of the...
cherry... orchard
me: Tarrist Malicki endorses Obama's plan? Can we invade and overthrow him?
7:37 PM Kevin: it would restore america's faith in america if we could just mercilessly bomb the shit outta somebody for a few weeks in a consequence-free environment
me: Belgium? stinkin' fat bastards
7:38 PM Kevin: that would rock. they stole our beer and besides they're almost french
7:39 PM me: back in Monks' bullpen, Bierd dominates
Kevin: yeah but he has a funny name... sounds like a tarrist
BIERD - not american sounding
7:40 PM me: how about Randor?
Kevin: sounds like a hobbit
what is he, three-foot-eight?
me: KO reading LoC again? just showed a map of the middle east
Kevin: funny
7:41 PM me: also, story #4: Monks PUMMEL Crab Queens - i wuz shocked he brought that up - played game 3, in fact
7:42 PM Jeter hit a HR! about time, LOSER
Kevin: iran is also on the turkey-turkmenistan border, btw
7:43 PM me: turkwhattawhu?
Kevin: that is the capital
me: dat's a country? can we bomb them?
7:44 PM Kevin: wiff one hand tied behind our backs
7:45 PM me: Jonny Gomes got a hit!
also walked - ON FIRE
Kevin: 2B tomorrow for homunculi: WI@@Y vs maholm or ian stewart vs kershaw? datz almost too easy...stewart
stop drop and roll!
7:46 PM me: 12,428 tonight in Tampa to watch the AL East leaders...
7:48 PM Kevin: change mind - WI@@Y
tampa SUCKS - should never have gotten a team - FRAUDS
white elephant dome - deres somephin we can bomb (maybe while dickie v is in it)
7:49 PM me: go look at the Detroit box score for MORE MATT JOYCE DESTRUCTION
7:50 PM joyce - YOOOOGE
white sox - awful
7:51 PM cordero - annudder blown save - datz so CHIX
me: dough da Q goes yahd
7:52 PM Kevin: seff mcclung - 5 non-catastrophic innings
dough salomon torres blows da save, steals da win
7:54 PM cubs getting manhandled by randy johnson - puzzling
8:00 PM me: high gas prices? new McCain ad sez it's all Obama's fault
like everything else
8:01 PM and this just in: Phil Gramm is still a piece of shit
8:04 PM Matt Joyce: another hit: HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Kevin: and: he blew up
8:05 PM me: Tigers up 19-0...
8:06 PM Kevin: chix era tonight: 40.498
8:08 PM alex romer (who?) homers off harden
8:09 PM rockies pitching shutting em down
8:11 PM me: sellout on da sout'side for a Shit Sox stinker - wuz it free brat night?
8:12 PM Kevin: coulda been run on da field and beat up da umpires night
me: speaking of which, Smiff has been reduced to meatless brats...
Kevin: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
8:14 PM me: sad
there wuz a sale
actually, not bad
Kevin: what would doug sohn say?
8:15 PM me: covered wiff mustard and onions, anyting is good (except broccoli)
Kevin: true
me: he would probably want to make a sausage out of me after force feeding and fattening me up even more...
8:16 PM nevertheless, the Monks destroyed da CQs anyway
Kevin: sounds delicious (nothing personal)
8:17 PM me: of course, there isn't much of a liver left, so good luck wid dat one, doug
Kevin: dat wud teach him
me: and isn't Doug a stpuid-ass name, anyway?
8:18 PM LA has 16 runs in the 5th inning - how is Nomar (Fant!) involved?
Kevin: not at all?
8:20 PM ruh-roh:
7/21 Josh Johnson (Fla - SP) Add Free Agents Maddogs
8:21 PM guess dis wud be a bad time to tell him dat josh j might be a prairie chicken by dis time tomorrow?
me: NOMAR: DNP - i am SHOCKED - probably injured himself by breathing
Kevin: dat can be dangerous
8:22 PM me: sucked in some dust...sneezed...strained his back
8:23 PM Kevin: eyeballs popped out... rolled under desk... bumped head searching for eyeballs...
me: Dat's it!
8:24 PM do you have Valverde? stinkin' up da joint
Kevin: why, yes!
8:25 PM Kevin: perfect complement to cordero's self-immolation tonight
crispy, crackly... mmmmm something smells good
me: dat's da brats
Kevin: no dis is unmistakably meaty
8:28 PM great episode of Nature last night about how da grizzlies are TOTALLY PHOKKED
annudder species doomed to extinction -- who woulda guessed?
8:29 PM lots of people dough - we can eat each udder when da animals are gone
me: YAY!
Kevin: i'm starting wif francisco "crispy crackly" cordero
8:30 PM 6-3 240 - dat would last like phree weeks
me: how about the CEO of Freddie Mac? made 20 million last year despite being a total phokking failure
8:31 PM Kevin: well he had to rise pretty high to fail that spectacularly... not for amateurs
he'd be delicious in a lemon cream sauce
me: Valverde: anudder run (dat's 4)
how about him for afters?
8:32 PM a little ketchup...
Kevin: delightful
wif a few french fries?
me: yes
woops, he's outta the game
still, 2 more runs could be charged
8:33 PM Kevin: micah owings (smelts, end times) on for d-bax
me: MANY runs about to score
Kevin: was sposed to start tomorrow - puzzling
me: rubber arm
and brain
8:34 PM Kevin: i would like to have da rubber brain
is it available as an implant?
me: don't yas already got one?
Kevin: cant remember - mebbe
8:36 PM me: FUNNY:
8:37 PM Last Play: F. Sanchez hit an inside the park home run to deep right, J. Michaels and J. Wilson scored
six runs for Jose...
8:38 PM Kevin: if he sucked any more, his head would implode
8:39 PM chix era tonight: 81.00
Kevin: batting avg: .117
me: that's like Crab Queens bad
8:40 PM Kevin: is it possible for their era to catch up to their ba?
me: yes
Kevin: chan ho hasn't pitched yet
he can do it
taylor buchholz
8:41 PM hong-chih... yikes... 81.000 era on the night and one-third of my staff is in coors on a night with a broken humidor and the wind blowing out
and hasnt pitched yet
sweet lord
theoretically a baseball game could go on forever
me: what's the league record?
8:44 PM Kevin: a 7-run 9th - that's SO CHIX
8:47 PM me: anypfing the Cherries should get from McCluskey?
8:48 PM Kevin: nutsack?
me: wow, his team SUX
Kevin: phokk yeah
da Q?
dont need da Q
8:49 PM me: huh, we don't?
Kevin: grandy scott thames joyce gomesy - rock solid
'sides da Q had two good momfs...datz it
8:50 PM he gone
me: thames playing first
someone DHs
Gomes SUX
8:51 PM i think we could fit him in, though i don't think he would want to trade him
Kevin: yeah if he is phinking long-term, he prollaby wants to keep him
8:53 PM me: he doesn't have any vets doing anything
Kevin: yep
not even a shiny dangly object in the bullpen
8:54 PM me: Morrow
should move him if he isn't going to start
8:55 PM Kevin: our bullpen could use a little somefin
8:56 PM me: SP too, since we're one injury away from being totally phokked
8:58 PM Kevin: cubs shut down by chad phokking qualls
8:59 PM me: it's sad, puzzling, CQian
9:02 PM the bizarre foods guy is eating pig's testicles...
9:03 PM now a beating frog's heart...not bad!
9:04 PM sake garnished with a lizard...
Kevin: whatever they're paying him, its not enough, and yet, its too much
9:06 PM me: giant snails...
Kevin: tiny snails arent disgusting enough?
lemme guess - next they'll take an ordinary duck liver and make it grotesquely YOOOOOOOGE...
9:09 PM chix era vs ba smackdown is at 81.000 vs. .111
9:10 PM me: converging...
no duck liver, but he did mention monkfish livers in passing
9:13 PM Kevin: i give up... bedtime
9:14 PM me: wait... live turtles!
Kevin: with the shell?
i have a better idea -- feed that phokk to some hungry grizzlies on live tv - i would watch
9:15 PM dat wud be awesome
me: dat would be pretty cool
so's a dead turtle
9:16 PM it's called Suppan (insert own joke here)
Kevin: if he could take a crap in da lake and show a live turtle swimming away, dat would be interesting
9:17 PM me: next: every part of the chicken!
9:18 PM rooster balls...
not good, apparently
Kevin: that is surprising
9:19 PM me: coming up: happy cows make tasty beef!
9:24 PM they get a massage
every morning
they run free!
are fed beer
9:25 PM Kevin: thats a nice story
and delicious
me: "Melts in your mouth like foie gras"!
9:26 PM Kevin: of course it does
me: now in Bangkok
birds' nest soup
9:27 PM Kevin: baby chix?
me: a box of 12 nests? $1000
9:28 PM the soup also has frog's ovaries - that's good eating right there!!
Kevin: yeah you really need that... i gots a real frog ovary deficit in my diet
me: frought so
9:29 PM good lord does it look disgusting
Kevin: puzzling
making me hungry so i better go
me: ant larvae...
more frog parts
9:30 PM Kevin: maybe i can find one in the yard
me: giant water bugs, grasshoppers, crickets...
9:31 PM tadpoles! mmmmmmm
whole frog on a stick
9:32 PM Kevin: alive?
me: sorry, cooked
Kevin: couldnt it have survived?
9:34 PM me: off to Changmai for the nastiest of all
what could it be - monkey brainz?
9:35 PM Kevin: mebbe... i been to chang mai, got drunk at da smiling monkey
9:36 PM me: you drank a live monkey?
9:37 PM Kevin:
yes, and it rained
me: KUO IS IN!
Kevin: sweet lord
9:38 PM me: Podzzzie singles - man, dis is gonna be good
9:39 PM grilled intestines
bug salads
9:40 PM Kevin: kuo?
me: yeah
"variety of organs" sausage
9:41 PM Spirulina algae - yum!
Kevin: buchholz - not pummeled
9:42 PM me: Iannetta doubles...
9:44 PM what's for dinner?
Fruit bats!
Kevin: yum!
me: a treat!
9:45 PM stir-fried...
9:46 PM "It's some really good bat"!
Kevin: flying rodent...mmmm...
me: also funny: Tulo singles, 2 runs
Kevin: so den... yay
9:47 PM me: nope, Hawpe did dat
Kevin: i look forward to reading of the savage, inhumane pummeling in the morning
good morning!
me: quitter
Kevin: good night...
me: dat's sad
and Stewart is up, your boy
9:53 PM me: fermented shrimp paste...
9:56 PM coagulated blood cake
9:57 PM durian: the smelliest and apparently awfulest tasting fruit in the world

Monday, July 21, 2008

brain-dead right-wing s#i+-eating troglodyte homunculi in the news (cont'd)

NEW YORK - Radio talk show host Michael Savage, who described 99 percent of children with autism as brats, said Monday he was trying to "boldly awaken" parents to his view that many people are being wrongly diagnosed.

Some parents of autistic children have called for Savage's firing after he described autism as a racket last week. "In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out," Savage said on his radio program last Wednesday. "Daing, that's a tasty squirrel," he added.

Savage offered no apology in a message posted Monday on his Web site. He said greedy doctors and drug companies were creating a "national panic" by overdiagnosing autism, a mental disorder that inhibits a person's ability to communicate.

On his radio show last week, he said: "What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, `Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, you idiot.'"

here's a mysterious thing

After eight years of policies designed to benefit the rich at the expense of everyone else, most people have run out of money.

Widespread earnings woes reflect consumer fears

Drunk Monks destroy Crab Queens

Monks bury the CQ's pitching in a 3 game series of pummeling and destruction, apparently held behind a woodshed beyond the left field seats at CQ Park. Film at eleven.

3-0: @3 10-5, @3 14-0, @3 24-10.


Horrors in the News (cont'd)

News item: Eric Hurley (hamstring, SUCKS, botched alien rectal probe) was scratched from his scheduled start Monday and left on the DL because he's dealing with arm soreness.

It's supposed to be a mild problem, and Hurley thinks he'll take his next scheduled turn. However, the Rangers might now decide to have him pitch once more in the minors.

A shocking percentage of Lou Dobbs viewers agreed with... woops!

Do you believe the Food and Drug Administration will ever find the source of the salmonella outbreak?
Yes 11% 595
No 89% 4692
Total Votes: 5287
Poll results not scientific (but idiotic)

News item: Call it the smoking jalapeno. After nearly two months of mystery, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has identified a jalepeno pepper that is contaminated with the same strain of Salmonella saintpaul that has sickened more than 1,237 people in 43 states.

It's the first time during this outbreak that a test has found the salmonella strain in a piece of produce.

The discovery, which will be announced shortly by FDA, was made at a packing plant in McAllen, Texas, according to a source familiar with the issue. The pepper was grown in Mexico, the source said, but was sent to the U.S. for sale. Authorities are not sure where it was contaminated with salmonella.

John McCain: still without a world map and lovin' it

Foreign Policy Expert McCain: “Iraq-Pakistan Border” Extremely Dangerous


Sosa to return to Wrigley on July 29th!

Dat's right, when Kane County plays Peoria there will be a "performance" by the ZOOperstars! featuring Clammy Sosa...

Help us select who should be next to join the ZOOperstars!
Bud Sealig
112 votes
Ramdy Johnson
152 votes
Randy Mossquito
171 votes
Chippermunk Jones
826 votes
Dale Ferrett
173 votes
Dan Marhino
176 votes
Jason Squidd
126 votes
Fly Cobb
228 votes
Mike Byson
164 votes
Muhammed Albee
166 votes
Muhammed Alligator
190 votes
Pony Stewart
525 votes


If there is some confusion...

...on who's to blame...

Nancy Pelosi: “Two oil men in the White House” are responsible for high oil prices

Who knew Nancy Pelosi was such a straight-shooter? When Wolf Blitzer tries to pin part of the blame for the current energy crisis on the Democratic Congress, Pelosi shoots back by saying her House did everything it could to institute a sensible energy policy, only to have “run into a brick wall” in the form of Senate Republicans — you know, the ones who broke the filibuster record for a full term last year.

“The price of oil is… is attributed to two oil men in the White House and their protectors in the United States Senate.”

While it might be easy (and typically accurate) to blame everything on President Bush and Vice President Cheney, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to lay the current crisis at the White House’s doorstep. Sure, there are some uncontrollable market forces at work, but both Cheney and Bush are oil patch guys; it would be the height of naivete to assume that they would have an energy policy that didn’t benefit Big Oil.

From Day One, Dick Cheney was plotting how to take over Iraq oil fields. Before the war, it was obvious to everyone that the invasion or Iraq, and the instability it would caused in the region, would only drive prices up further. For all the lip service President Bush pays to his commitment to renewable energy, the fact is spending has been on the stagnant since the mid-1990’s.

What we really need is a leader with the wisdom to acknowledge the magnitude of the problem and the courage to tackle it head on. “Green Screen” John McCain is clearly not that leader.

facecrap continues to suck

I added Twitter to the mini-feed so everyone could see my brilliant updates like "sammich." Of course, it doesn't work. Doesn't update. And yes, i went into edit and checked everything (twice), and then i unchecked and doublechecked and rechecked and reloaded and reupdated (three times). Also pre-boarded. Still doesn't work.

The phokking thing sucks. I blame Fung.


anudder reason to drink

From Ebert's Answer Man this week...

Q. I thought your question to Kevin Costner (whether he could envision casting Dennis Hopper as the Republican candidate and Kelsey Grammer as the Democrat in "Swing Vote" instead of the other way around) was interesting, especially since Costner said he could not imagine that casting. However, I remember seeing a Hopper interview years ago with Mike Wallace, in which Hopper confirmed that he is, in fact, a loyal Republican. When the interviewer asked how it was possible that a poster boy for the '60s counterculture grew into a man who voted twice for George W. Bush, Hopper replied, "I got sober, man." Harris Fleming Jr., Waldwick, N.J.

A. Like, wow, man!

funny, in a nobody-will-notice, won't-make-any-difference, who-gives-a-s#i+ sort of way

"Well, if that scenario evolves, then I think it’s obvious that we would have to leave because — if it was an elected government of Iraq — and we’ve been asked to leave other places in the world... I don’t see how we could stay when our whole emphasis and policy has been based on turning the Iraqi government over to the Iraqi people."
-- McCain, 2004

"[V]oters care about [the] military, not about Iraqi leaders."
-- McCain, 2008

Charles Krauthammer: A Douchebag of Liberty

Obama isn't close to earning his stripes

...has there ever been a presidential nominee with a wider gap between his estimation of himself and the sum total of his lifetime achievements?

Smiff's response at the soon-to-be slimmer, news-free Trib:
That would be the current president, a man I am sure Krauthammer voted for twice. Bush 43 had ZERO accomplishments as governor or in business, but that was good enough for Mr. Krauthammer in 2000 and 2004. Bush proceeded to become the worst president we've ever had, and it's not even close. While Obama might be inexperieced, he at least has something that Bush has never had: intellect and a brain. McCain does have this, but agrees with Bush on nearly every issue. Krauthammer wants more of that? How do morons like this still have nationally syndicated columns??

Dey need dis in India

Since they will be answering all our calls...

How not to do an American accent

I'm sure the video is entertaining. I can't get the sound to work on my computer...

will it come with a free donut?

Trib buries news in redesign test
Crain's, July 21, 2008

The new face of the Chicago Tribune is taking shape, as staffers at the newspaper put the finishing touches on a prototype set for a test run in the next few weeks.

Crain's has learned that Tribune Co. will try out some dramatic changes in the 161-year-old broadsheet in a Saturday edition by early August. A version under consideration devotes the paper's front section to consumer-oriented and entertainment features. Local, national, international and business news is consolidated in the second section. Weather leads the third section, which also includes comics and classifieds, while the sports section is converted to a tabloid format.

It's not clear how many of these changes will make it into the final version of the prototype, which a spokesman calls a "work in progress." But aspects of the prototype that prove popular with readers are likely to find their way into a full-scale redesign of all editions of the paper, which Tribune expects to debut by September.