Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
"Northern Illinois's season has been a struggle thus far as it is currently 0-8 after some tough losses. The Huskies' low point came as it lost to Nebraska- Omaha, a non Division I opponent. Coach Mark Montgomery's team has struggled offensively as it is averaging just 54 points per game on 35.5 percent shooting from the field. The Huskies have allowed their opponents to average 72.3 points per game on 43.8 percent shooting from the floor."
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
"The urinal-based video game system uses infrared sensors to enable users to steer down a ski slope while knocking over penguins or perform other simple actions by aiming their urine to the left, right, or center."
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
"Now close your eyes, and think about what this structure might look like. Go ahead. Let your imagination run wild...
"Behold. This is what will happen when the Marlins hit a home run. It's what Bernie Brewer thinks he's sliding down after a couple buttons of peyote. Don't avert your eyes. Look at it. Study it. This is what we've become."
Thursday, November 17, 2011
"An airline is set to investigate reports that it asked passengers to pay £20,000 towards the cost of fuel to complete their journey to the UK."
Monday, November 14, 2011
How can you not love this. Comment 1.10
When Danford planted watermelons last year, he estimates he paid a trucking company close to $10 million to transport them.
10 million? Is that a misprint? If he can spend that much on transportation, then he can pay more than $10 an hour.
But what if he paid a higher hourly wage? The going rate now is $10 an hour. "The [pickle] company wouldn't buy it from you then," [the farmer] says. They'd turn to suppliers in other states where labor is cheaper -- states that allow undocumented immigrants to continue working under the radar.
Could someone please explain to me how this works? Why would the pickle company care how much you pay your workers? I guess I am ignorant in the ways of farming.
That comment is precious to me. You had me at ... . Oh well, nevermind.
Another commenter pointed out that the farmer had essentially admitted to hiring illegal laborers and should be jailed. The big tent of the right. Small government, big jails.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Carthage College 74, Northern Illinois 70
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I'm guessing if you polled a certain subsection of this wonderful land, you would find a group who is in favor of cutting viable male babies out of the wombs of their pregnant mothers and wood chipping the women.
Let's just go back to this:
"If a man happens to meet a virgin woman who is not engaged to be married, and he seizes her and rapes her, but is caught in the act, the rapist must pay the girl's father fifty silver shekels. She must marry the rapist, because he has violated her. And so long as he lives he may not divorce her."
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Observed in the elevator this morning. Charities that Americans would most want to volunteer their time for ... No. 1 Animal charities at 17%; No. 2 poor and needy 15%.
I can't help thinking Orwell would be proud.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," Workman said. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
[Plutocrat] Complains Boston Protesters Got "Between Me And A Steak Dinner."
Of course, the Onion is a satirical newspaper, but then Fox News is a satirical television network, so this could be splitting hairs.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
"Fluoride is a toxic substance," said tea party activist Tony Caso of Palm Harbor. "This is all part of an agenda that's being pushed forth by the so-called globalists in our government and the world government to keep the people stupid so they don't realize what's going on."
He added: "This is the U.S. of A, not the Soviet Socialist Republic."
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Twenty contestants, 300 pounds of bacon, one day: This is the Bacon Takedown, returning to Chicago for a second year this September. When asked what was the most creative item on the last Takedown’s menu, creator Matt Timms replies “bacon taffy” with little hesitation, but can’t choose a favorite dish.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
From the current issue of Science and Shit:
"On average, the team finds, creatures move both up mountains and farther away from the equator at a speed that keeps pace with the rate of climate change and at a pace that is far faster than previously predicted."
That's it, run away, Chicken Littles... ya gonna cry now?
Friday, August 19, 2011
"Here we are in 2011, and we are still daily relitigating the Scopes Monkey Trial..."
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
"A self-described 'ultra-ultra-ultra-conservative,' back in 2004 Dikka! actually considered mounting a U.S. Senate run against Barack Obama, who went on to win the 2008 presidential election."
You mean he could have prevented all this? But he was too yeller?? And dat's Da Coach? My PHOKKING ASS!!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Heck yes! (2044 responses) 43%
Hell no! (2690 responses) 57%
4734 total responses
(Results not scientific, but idiotic)
"Sure, it would be disgusting and perverted, and they would be shaming themselves and their loved ones. But under our system of government, it is their right to be barbarians."
-- Mike Royko
"Children love the delightful red stuff on their dogs."
Monday, August 1, 2011
hey everyone you've got to check out this article! I made $420 today so far...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Obama could win and lose at the same time, striking a deal to avoid default but failing to pass muster on the substance of that deal with credit agencies, which could go ahead and downgrade the rating anyway.
Mark Gonzalez of the Chicago Tribune reports that the Blue Jays will send right-hander Zach Stewart to the White Sox along with Jason Frasor in the trade for Edwin Jackson and Mark Teahen (who is AWFUL).
This deal is essentially a salary dump for the White Sox, but Stewart certainly has value. The 24-year-old right-hander made his major league debut last month and has a 4.20 ERA and 74/24 K/BB ratio over 16 starts with Double-A New Hampshire this season. He could be a potential set-up man or closer if he doesn't make it as a starter.
The White Sox have benched struggling center fielder Alex Rios.
The White Sox have finally run out of patience with Rios, who is batting just .208/.255/.300 with six homers and a .555 OPS over 384 plate appearances this season. Alejandro De Aza was called up from the minors on Wednesday and will start in center field for the interim. It's in Chicago's best interest for Rios to figure things out, though, as he is still owed $12 million next season, $12.5 million in 2013 and 2014 and $13.5 million or a $1 million buyout in 2015. (DOH!)
Can Republicans read newspapers?, Or, I don't think anybody expected that Tea Partiers could do something catastrophically stupid
A downgrade of the federal government's AAA credit rating "would likely lead ratings agencies to downgrade every state," an Illinois Office of Management and Budget spokeswoman said in a statement. "This action would add hundreds of millions of dollars in interest costs to bonds we sell in the future. Money we desperately need in our state to educate our students, ensure public safety and protect our seniors would now be used to pay interest costs..."
If there is some kind of default next week, the market reaction would no doubt be furious: Credit markets might quickly grind to a halt, much as they did after the bankruptcy of Lehman Bros. plunged the world into financial crisis three years ago, at least until Congress and the White House finally come to terms...
Bottom line, the market's behavior indicates that investors just don't believe Washington is stupid enough to let the government default and plunge the economy into full-tilt recession. At worst, they assume that an actual default would spur action without further delay.
The economic damage and political fallout "would be too much for even the Tea partiers to let that go on for too long," said Justin Hoogendoorn, fixed-income strategist in the Chicago office of BMO Capital Markets, a Bank of Montreal unit. "I don't think anybody in the bond market expects that to happen." (Based on what, exactly? - Ed.)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Aramis Ramirez turned down an opportunity to be an All-Star.
NL manager Bruce Bochy asked Ramirez to be the replacement for the injured Placido Polanco. Ramirez will instead fly from Pittsburgh to the Dominican Republic to spend the break. He is batting .300 with 15 homers and 51 RBI this season.
BREAKING: THIS IS WHY A-RAM DOESN'T WANT TO BE TRADED: MUST HAVE A BRAIN.
Carlos Beltran said accepting a trade to the Red Sox would be a "no-brainer."
Beltran will be a free agent after this season upon completion of his seven-year, $119 million deal with the Mets. Beltran has a full no-trade clause and was asked if he would waive it to join Boston. "They're in first place," he said. "That's a no-brainer."
Human affection for animals - wild and domestic - has a darker side. It is estimated that 75 per cent of emerging infectious diseases in people - many of them fatal - originate in animals.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Full screen, since Blogger and YouTube don't always like each other.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Feeding the animals could ultimately be harmful to the deer, and possibly to people if the doe came back and found them too near her babies, officials said.
Animal Control, which has been monitoring the situation for about a week, does not “normally get involved with a situation with a wild animal,” unless the animal is in danger or poses a threat, said City Animal Care and Control Commissioner Cherie Travis.
Since the deer were uninjured and were not bothering anyone, the agency left them alone, and asked area residents to do the same.
But residents couldn’t seem to leave nature to its own course.
“We just asked people not to feed them,” Travis said. “Unfortunately people did not heed our advice.”
The signs asking people not to feed the animals were taken down.
“We were aware people were feeding the fawns with a baby bottle (are you phokking kidding me? ed) when the mother was not there,” Travis said. This could be dangerous to the fawns and those feeding them, she explained.
If residents bring them food, the deer will make themselves comfortable there and that’s a possibility with the Lake View deer, Travis said. “People are going to Whole Foods and giving them organic apples.”
An additional concern, which Ald. Tom Tunney’s office contacted Animal Care about, was the gay pride parade on June 26, which is expected to bring hundreds of thousands of people to the neighborhood, some of whom could be inebriated. (so gays + alcohol = shitstorm of biblical proportions that the deer won't survive? ed)
So now the animals will be moved, but Travis said that is no easy proposition.
“We’re looking at a lot of different options to remove them as humanely (dey ain't hyoomans - ed)as possible,” she said. “We are exploring a lot of options, none of which are really good.”
If only we paid this much attention to hyooomans in need...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
If the Chicago cops recently indicted for sexual assault are convicted, they'll face four to 15 years in prison. That's the same sentence Tiawanda Moore is facing for trying to document her frustrations while reporting her own alleged sexual assault: Recording an on-duty police officer in Illinois is a Class 1 felony, the same class of crimes as rape.
Technically, so long as a person isn't physically interfering with an on-duty police officer, it's legal to record the officer in every state but Massachusetts and Illinois.
This is probably nothing to worry about, and in any case, it's so much easier to pretend that we don't have to
Some angry guy on the radio picking on that nice, clean-cut Mitt Romney: "We’re in the midst here of discovering that this is all a hoax. The last year has established that the whole premise of man-made global warming is a hoax, and we still have presidential candidates that want to buy into it." (Yay!! Ed.)
Never mind all that. Neuticles are so awesome, even Rocky Kardashian uses them. (On her pet... Ed.)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
CINCINNATI (AP)—Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has apologized to closer Carlos Marmol for second-guessing how he pitched in Chicago’s most recent loss.
Zambrano criticized Marmol’s approach after a 3-2 loss Sunday at St. Louis. He said Marmol should have thrown Ryan Theriot a fastball rather than a slider, which the former Cubs player hit for a tying double in the ninth inning. Albert Pujols won it with a homer in the 10th.
Zambrano said before Monday night’s game at Cincinnati that he was wrong to criticize Marmol that way. He said he made the remarks out of frustration. Manager Mike Quade also talked to Zambrano and said he won’t be fined.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
... [C]onsider Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs and cats, at about $1,000 a pair, which, their designers say, help "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering."
Friday, June 3, 2011
A few weeks ago representatives from a company called FireEye were in the GCN Lab demonstrating their product, which can protect networks from most phishing attacks. An engineer told me a story about a company he knew that would run phishing drills with their employees. They would tell everyone in the company that a phishing scam (created internally for just this purpose) would be delivered at noon the next day. They told them what the scam would attempt to get them to do and what the scam would look like. They told everyone to treat it like a real phishing scam, and to delete or ignore the e-mail. For extra points, they were told they could alert the tech staff about the attack, though this wasn’t required.
Sounds simple, right? According to the engineer telling the story, even with all those precautions, 60 percent of the people in the company still clicked on the e-mail the next day and about 30 percent entered their network passwords into the "hacker site." I can’t help but wonder how many of those same people must touch their red hot stove burner every day just to make sure it’s heating properly.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Here was the question I posited in the interwebs and so far the answers just seem to pick apart the question. Perhaps there are two many theoreticals (or too many people convinced they can't be wrong) but I thought it was fun and end-timey, topical in a truly American drive-thru religion type of way. If you die and find that you retain some consciousness - let's say like a spirit. But that your way to eternal life and salvation is denied (due to your religion). If you had the ability to somehow tell your loved ones to convert - would you do so?
The closest I got to an answer I liked was that there are three possible solutions (1) there is no afterlife, (2) there is an afterlife but no ability to communicate about it or (3) there is an afterlife and an ability to communicate about it and all of our ancestors are assholes. That responder said she favored doors No. 1 or 2.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
ORANGEVILLE-(WREX) A disguised deputy entered Orangeville Jr-Sr High School Friday with a cap gun and fired it around students.
It was all part of a safety drill, but parents are angry and one mother and her son spoke out.
"I started praying to God and saying my last words," said Orangeville High School student Skylar Walters. "I was scared, I didn't know what to do," said
Walters was in gym class last Friday when a man came in with a gun, calling the name of a fellow student.
"Kids were just running everywhere and crying and hiding, ran off school grounds," said Walters. "It was just the scariest thing in my life."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011