Saturday, May 19, 2007

The K-Mad Imperative: Must Kill All Pitchers

Anthony Reyes remained winless as he took his worst beating of the season Saturday against Detroit.
In 5 2/3 innings, he was ripped for nine hits and seven runs, striking out two and walking none. He also hit a batter in a 79-pitch outing (56 strikes) that bore no resemblance to his gem in Game 1 of the World Series against the Tigers. His ERA is up to 5.84 and the Cards will need to start thinking of alternatives if Reyes keeps getting trounced.

he also totally sucked - shocking!

Devern Hansack left Saturday night's game after four innings after getting hit in the right hand by a comebacker.
X-rays were negative, so Hansack is day-to-day with a bruise. He'll either be optioned to the minors or placed on the DL prior to Sunday's game.

Friday, May 18, 2007

did K-Mad just pick him up somewhere?

Hank Blalock was diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and will undergo surgery on Monday that will cost him 10-12 weeks.

Uh, Oh

Dempster is in.

SoCal Weather Disaster

Weekend expected to bring more 'May Gray'

Fog a fact of peninsular life

there's probably an interesting story behind that

Clown charged in sex assault

speaking of dynamite...

FLA: B. Kim (1-2, 10.50)
TB: E. Jackson (0-5, 6.82)

When Idiots Collide

Cursing the day: Ozzie vs. North

"Oh, shut the [deleted] up!" Guillen barked.

North cut Guillen off: "Hey, Ozzie, clean up your mouth...."

Create Your Own Caption

The Giants Gain

Was the Cubs and the Indians loss.

just in time for da weekend

More dire CTA forecasts

BOOM goes the dynamite!

With Josh Beckett going on the DL, Devern Hansack will be recalled prior to Friday's game and get the start versus the Braves.

now he tells us

theguag (Louisville): Did you oversell Donald Veal or are you still high on him?

Kevin Goldstein: To quote Barton Fink, "Both, maybe . . ."

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Ernie Banks

"He was the nicest human being I have ever met. It was like being friends with God."--Bill Bryson

As a practicing Wiccan, Ernie is good enough for me.

wildly effectively ineffective

Tampa Bay
S. Kazmir 4.0 3 3 1 6 9 0 3.83
Pitches-strikes - S Kazmir 109-63

it appears that I missed "The Surreal Life" I through IV

Who do you feel has been the best athlete in a reality show?

Laila Ali: Dancing with the Stars 15%
Jose Canseco: The Surreal Life 5 3%
Michael Irvin: Pros vs. Joes 2%
Apolo Anton Ohno: Dancing with the Stars 31%
Jesse Palmer: The Bachelor 2%
Dennis Rodman: Celebrity Mole Yucatan 3%
Bill Romanowski: Pros vs. Joes 2%
Emmitt Smith: Dancing with the Stars 42%

Survey results not scientific, but appallingly idiotic

more evidence Amerikkka getting dumber

First The Gilmore Girls, now dis...

Veronica Mars Cancelled

his kettle is so black it's invisible

Gingrich Finds 2008 Campaigns Demeaning

on the bright side... uhh... never mind

Cops: Teacher dragged 1st-grader down hall
Iraq war critic mourns for soldier son killed by bomb
Rapist priest avoids prison time
Body found sliced in half on railroad tracks
Paris Hilton's jail time cut in half
Farmers fume over prairie dog invasion

I haven't even gotten to the international news yet. I'm guessing lotsa s#i+ blowing up all over da place...

if every 9-year-old boy and 4-year-old girl had a gun, dis stuff wouldn't be happening

"A 9-year-old boy is killed on the streets of Philadelphia, no one comes forward. Where a 4-year-old girl is shot no one comes forward. Where a house is firebombed, six people killed -- four under the age of 5 years -- no one comes forward. The community has to come to realize by not coming forward they are only hurting themselves," Johnson said.

Hey, do I look like a snitch?

America was a good idea...

but it's clearly time to give it up...

HOUSTON -- Some Houston Independent School District campuses are banning backpacks as the school year winds down, KPRC Local 2 reported Wednesday.

District officials said safety is a top priority. The last day of school is May 24.

a rarely seen news story

New: CTA warns of fare hikes, service cuts

Only the Fucking Cubs

Chi Cubs 5, NY Mets 1
Bottom 9th: NY Mets
- R. Dempster relieved W. Ohman
- D. Newhan singled to center
- R. Castro lined out to right
- C. Gomez singled to right center, D. Newhan to third
- C. Beltran hit for A. Burgos
- C. Gomez to second on fielder's indifference
- C. Beltran walked
- E. Chavez walked, D. Newhan scored, C. Gomez to third, C. Beltran to second
- R. Gotay singled to left, C. Gomez scored, C. Beltran to third, E. Chavez to second
- S. Eyre relieved R. Dempster
- D. Wright hit for S. Green
- D. Wright singled to center, C. Beltran scored, E. Chavez to third, R. Gotay to second
- C. Delgado singled to right, E. Chavez and R. Gotay scored, D. Wright to second
5 runs, 5 hits, 0 errors
Chi Cubs 5, NY Mets 6

The Battle of Idiot-Titan Managers (con't)

Batting 1 & 2 today:

Cubz: Theriot, Pagan
Mutz: Endy, Gotay

Check out the rest of the Mutz lineup (this is the best team in the NL???):


funny, FUNNY stuff...hysterical...SCREAM laughter

"I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."--R. Kelly

He's not even Lionel Richie.

blackberry... tobacco... nutmeg... cat-pee... entropy highlights...

notes of apocamolypse...

"With wine, we can taste climate change," says Gregory V. Jones, a climatologist at Southern Oregon University who is a leading researcher in the burgeoning field of wine-region climate studies. "You can honestly argue that Bordeaux is better off today. They can now consistently ripen their grapes."

when even @$$hcroft thinks you're a weasel...

you are a YOOOGE phokking weasel.

stuff in da "news"

Source: Wolfowitz to quit "soon"
Stem cell "cure" hope for baldness

Dere's always a catch:

On Wednesday they held talks with Wolfowitz and White House officials amid reports they were close to reaching an agreement that would allow him to leave voluntarily in return for the bank admitting some culpability in the handling of his girlfriend's transfer to a State Department job and hefty pay raise.

Dr. Cheng-Ming Chuong, a professor of pathology at the University of Southern California who was not involved in the study, said it proved the principle that hair can regenerate from adult skin, but cautioned that human skin differs from mouse skin.


Jorge Sosa allowed one hit and one run over seven innings in the rout of the Cubs on Wednesday.

still high winds in Denver?

Brad Hawpe exploded for two dingers and four RBI Wednesday as Colorado defeated Arizona 5-3.
For Hawpe, it's his first career multi-homer game. He needed a nice game like this, as he had managed just one hit in the last four games combined. After launching 22 dingers last year, he came into tonight with just one.

The next thing you know, Jonny Gomes will do something.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

take dat, haters

Aaron Rowand smacked a three-run homer to give Philly an insurmountable lead Wednesday as it finally got back to .500 for the season.
Rowand has six homers, 20 RBI and 26 runs with a .340 BA through 40 games. The Phillies are rolling now, winning six of their past seven to even their record at 20-20.

Though one wonders when Hamels will suffer a Cyclone-induced major arm injury...

a new one for the K-Mad files

Lastings Milledge is in hot water with the Mets as a result of the lyrics he contributed to a rap single.
Milledge can be heard using a racist term for blacks and language derogatory to women. The Mets haven't ruled out attempting to discipline Milledge, though it's hard to see how they could take any action. If they're sick of dealing with the 22-year-old, there are plenty of teams out there that would like to take him off their hands.

The song is called "Bend Ya Knees." Maybe it's about a catcher?

anudder job for K-Mad...can he play the banjo?

Instructional Services and Government Documents Librarian
Ingram Library, University of West Georgia
Tenure-track, Librarian position. Manages Federal Depository Program; teaches credit course in library research skills; acts as liaison to assigned academic departments; provides general
reference services; participates in University/community service. The University of West Georgia, a charter member of the University System of Georgia, is a comprehensive institution of just over 10,000 students located on 625 acres in the city of Carrollton. Carrollton is less than an hour from Atlanta.
SALARY: $36,000 minimum
Review of applications will begin June 11, 2007 and continue until position is filled.

Does San Diego Have This?

Of course his name is Bubba.

look who's still alive

Kerry Wood (every body part, all internal organs, psyche) was transferred from the 15-day disabled list to the 60-year DL to make room for Mike Fontenot on the 40-man roster.
There remains no timetable for Wood's return.

damn! missed it...

Don't slouch on the couch
Beware the ides of National Correct Posture Month.

On Wisconsin

Maybe this explains Cheney.

given the chance, Smiff could too

Ryan Ludwick plated three runs with a pair of singles Tuesday versus the Dodgers.
Ludwick, who got the nod over Juan Encarnacion, is 7-for-27 with six RBI in eight games since joining the Cardinals last week. If given a chance, he could prove to be the better hitter of the two. Still, Encarnacion does have an edge on defense.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Holy Crap: Conor Jackson hit a homerun!

HR - C Jackson (1, 6th inning off J Hirsh 1 on, 1 Out)

There must have been an 100 MPH wind blowing out of Coors Field.

take dat, haters (Decker)

Adam Eaton pitched well enough to win, but was denied victory No. 4 when Brett Myers blew the save in the ninth on Tuesday.
In 7 2/3 innings, Eaton gave up just four hits and two runs -- one earned -- while fanning five and walking only a pair. He's now had back-to-back encouraging outings as he's shown improved control. Unfortunately, Myers served up a homer in the top of the ninth to blow his first save since he became the closer.

Updated forecast: walks followed by balls flying out of Dodger Stadium

Dodgers recalled LHP Hong-Chih Kuo from Triple-A Las Vegas.

Forecast: frogs falling from sky, dogs & cats living together, Da Rezzz-I-DUNCE saying or doing anything resembling intelligence, monkeys flying

Mariners activated RHP Felix Hernandez from the 15-day disabled list.
King Felix will throw 75-80 pitches versus the Angels tonight.

K-Mad's dream job?

Job Title: Government Documents Librarian
Salary: $33,000-$35,000 commensurate with experience
Institution: West Texas A&M University/Cornette Library
City: Canyon, Texas
Min. Qualifications: ALA accredited Masters Degree in Library Science. Experience or course work in government documents or government information. Cataloging experience or course work. Experience with personal computers, print/electronic indexes and abstracts, and an automated library catalog system. Experience using HTML to create web pages. Good verbal and written communication skills, with the ability to communicate with a variety of people.
Desired Qualifications: Supervisory experience preferred. Experience in maps and GIS information preferred. Experience giving bibliographic instruction preferred.
Closing date: When job filled Date available: May 14, 2007

Ramon Ortiz is back...

...sucking! Now if dat phokk Marquis would get hammered...

Bottom 1st: Cleveland
- G. Sizemore doubled to deep right
- C. Blake singled to third, G. Sizemore to third
- T. Hafner walked, C. Blake to second
- V. Martinez hit sacrifice fly to deep right, G. Sizemore scored, C. Blake to third
- J. Peralta homered to deep left, T. Hafner and C. Blake scored
- D. Dellucci grounded out to first
- J. Michaels doubled to deep center
- J. Barfield singled to shortstop, J. Michaels to third
- K. Shoppach doubled to deep center, J. Michaels and J. Barfield scored
- G. Sizemore singled to second, K. Shoppach to third
- C. Blake popped out to shallow left
6 runs, 7 hits, 0 errors
Minnesota 2, Cleveland 6

Well, it is one of our smaller states.

Area the size of California melts in western Antarctica

Yeah, whatever, it's still the best in the world.

U.S. health-care system expensive, inefficient, report finds

Like, if you are a rich phokk living in Canada, and you need a penile implant, you'd have to wait in a phokking line or fill out anudder form or some $#!+.

Fants open up a can of Wellness Center Whoop@ss

A 30 point lead already? My, total domination has come early this year...

i phink da rezzz-i-DUNCE might have a job for dis guy...

Your horoscope by Holiday Mathis

Mars in Aries is lawless. As the brawny Roman warrior with no scruples, every military leader wanted this brute on his team because he loved winning at all costs. At best, he's pure energy, motivating us to move through obstacles by endowing us with courage and fearlessness.

annudder sign of da apocamolypse

Wal-Mart warns of retail slowdown

BENTONVILLE, ARK. | Wal-Mart Chief Executive Lee Scott warned earnings in the current quarter could fall short of Wall Street expectations...

shock and awe?

WASHINGTON | The White House said today that "all options are on the table" about the leadership of the World Bank...

more stuff San Diego don't got... and, oh yeah, expect some occasional minor delays

Portions of downtown Chicago streets will be shuttered and Chicago Transit Authority buses re-routed every evening this week as film crews shoot scenes for "Wanted."

Affected streets, primarily Wacker Drive, will be closed at 7 p.m. and will reopen at 6 a.m., city officials said.

The film, starring Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie and Chicago’s own Common, calls for a high-speed car chase that begins on Lower Wacker Drive and finishes on Upper Wacker Drive, said Richard Moskal, director of the Chicago Film Office.

The street closures will force the Chicago Transit Authority to reroute 14 bus lines starting at 7 p.m. every night this week, said a spokeswoman for the CTA.

Really? What has changed?

Skull fossil suggests human ancestors had pea-sized brains

Da Mare vows to improve ranking

Miami drivers rudest; Chicago is 7th

Hell Has One More Resident

Jerry Falwell is DEAD! And it's the fault of the gay, liberal, atheist, colored media elite.

finally, some good news

Jerry Falwell reportedly found unconscious, hospitalized

Monday, May 14, 2007

Maddog, Smiff, Monks ridin' the wave...

Greg Maddux threw a five-hitter for his first complete game since 2005 in Monday's 7-1 win over the Reds. Maddux retired the first 16 batters he faced in his 109th career complete game. He kept the shutout going until there were two outs in the ninth, when Ken Griffey Jr. had a sac fly. Brandon Phillips struck out to end it as Maddux moved to 3-2 with a 3.20 ERA.

Another reason to move to Belgium.

Great beer, chocolates, and now this.

tough one tonight (cont'd)

Bottom 9th: NY Mets
- M. Wuertz relieved N. Cotts
- D. Easley grounded out to pitcher
- J. Franco hit for A. Heilman
- J. Franco struck out swinging
- J. Reyes singled to center
- J. Reyes stole second
- E. Chavez WALKED
- C. Beltran INTENTIONALLY WALKED, J. Reyes to third, E. Chavez to second
- C. Delgado WALKED, J. Reyes scored, E. Chavez to third, C. Beltran to second

1 runs, 1 hits, 0 errors
Chi Cubs 4, NY Mets 5

Well, The Governator better not raise my phokking taxes.

Gov.'s new budget ups spending
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger releases a revised state budget that calls for spending slightly more than he proposed earlier, even as the soft housing market is expected to depress tax revenue.

Hellooooo, he's a plutocrat, they can do whatever the phokk they want to do.

Wolfowitz said to violate rules
World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz broke bank rules in arranging a hefty compensation package for his girlfriend, a situation that has caused a “crisis in the leadership” at the institution, according to a report from a special bank panel.

Also see: the fact that the he got this job after his Iraq war "planning."

time for Tommy G. to retire?

Look who's lighting him up...

Chi Cubs Inning Summary
- M. DeRosa walked
- H. Blanco fouled out to catcher
- A. Pagan doubled to left, M. DeRosa to third
- J. Marquis singled to center, M. DeRosa and A. Pagan scored
- R. Theriot flied out to right
- C. Izturis doubled to right, J. Marquis scored
- A. Soriano flied out to deep center
- End of Inning (3 Runs, 3 Hits, 0 Errors)

Smiff finds anudder gem?

Leading off today's Monday Morning Ten Pack:
Michael Bowden, RHP, High-A Lancaster (Red Sox)
Bowden fired seven innings of one-hit shutout baseball Friday nigth at San Jose, lowering his ERA on the season to 1.37 in eight games. He's third in the California League in ERA and second in strikeouts, with 46 in 46 innings, allowing 35 hits and walking just eight. He's actually pitched even better than that. No pitcher on a talented Lancaster staff is handling the nightmare of pitching in Lancaster as well as Bowden has, and in a park that sees an average of 15.5 runs per game, Bowden has a 2.30 ERA in five home starts. In three road starts, he's fired 18.2 shutout innings. His stock is already high, and so far it's still rising.

I imagine he will become a Cyclone before long, and dat will be da end of dat.

Battle of the Managerial Idiot-Titans (cont'd)

Batting 2nd tonight:

Cubs: Izzy
Mets: Endy

"Who? Sorry, I do not recall that name."--A.G. Gonzo

Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty sent his letter of resignation to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales today, becoming the fourth major casualty of the ongoing U.S. attorneys scandal.

"It's silly...silly, silly, SILLY...the silliest thing EVER!"

Daley targets foie gras ban, will eat a live goose

Where da hell is K-Mad in da comments section?

the unmaking of a pitching prospect

Greg Miller, LHP, Triple-A Las Vegas (Dodgers)
Not so long ago, Miller was the best left-handed prospect in the game (before K-Mad drafted him). Before he turned 19, he made four starts in the Double-A Southern League, striking out 40 in 27 innings while allowing three earned runs. Then disaster struck (K-Mad drafted him!), as shoulder surgery, followed by a second procedure to clean up the first, cost him all of 2004 and most of the following season. Used out of the bullpen since his return, Miller still has excellent stuff, with a low- to mid-90s fastball and a vicious slider, but control problems have kept him from developing into something dependable. This spring he pitched very well and was a candidate for the fifth starter's job in the big leagues late into March, but since beginning the year in the Triple-A rotation, everything has gone downhill (Oh no! K-Mad drafted him again!!). Since the six no-hit innings he threw on April 19, Miller has been unable to find the strike zone at all, including a start on Friday in which he recorded just one out while walking four, hitting one, and uncorking a pair of wild pitches. On the season, he's walked 32 in 23.2 innings to contribute to a 6.46 ERA, and we're all back to dreaming about what could have been (if K-Mad hadn't drafted him...).

Military intelligence

News Headline: "Army calls for back-to-back Iraq tours of duty."
News Headline: "U.S. troops risk lives for low pay."
News Headline: "Officials link equipment shortage to Iraq war."
News Headline: "Military chiefs are concerned about declining readiness."
But George W. Bush* put it best when he was campaigning in 2000:
"Back-to-back deployments, poor pay, shortages of spare parts and equipment, and rapidly declining readiness. . . . These are the signs of a military in decline."


Run for your lives!

What the hell is this thing???

Brain-Dead Managers: Monday's Report

Manager Jim Tracy says it is too soon to take Tony Armas Jr. out of the rotation.
"Too soon, too soon," manager Jim Tracy said Sunday when asked about taking Armas out of the rotation.

Despite being in a 1-for-39 slump, manager Joe Maddon said Sunday that Rocco Baldelli will remain in the leadoff spot.
Baldelli's batting average is down to .206 and he's never been much for walking, so he's been a horrible fit at the top of the lineup thus far. "I know it's a tough moment for him right now, but he's a veteran and he handles things pretty well," Maddon said. "I talked to him and he seems to be in good order. I'm not overly concerned with him."

Jeremy Guthrie cruised through 8 1/3 innings against the Red Sox on Sunday, only to get a no-decision after the Orioles bullpen blew it.
Actually, manager Sam Perlozzo blew it at least as much as the pen did. Guthrie's 91st and final pitch was a little infield popup that glanced off Ramon Hernandez's glove, putting Coco Crisp on first. After a long conversation on the mound, Guthrie was replaced by Danys Baez and the Red Sox went on to erase a 5-0 deficit and win the game.

it was only a matter of time

Tanner Boyle Memorial League
Rank Team Points Pts Change Waiver Moves
1. Triple Dog Dare 150.5 1.5 6 23
4. 375thSt Y Irregulars 145 -5.5 4 11
11. Crabs of Yore 110 0.5 10 11

you just got a degree from Messiah College... will probably need some comforting.

Messiah College
Grantham, Pennsylvania
May 19, 2007
Philip Yancey, author of Where Is God When it Hurts?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

you phink you had a crappy week...

First he gets drafted by da Horror, den dis...

oh yeah...

phokk dis guy too...

it's also national "are the Horror mathematically eliminated yet?" month

Beware the Ides of National Hamburger Month, National Asparagus Month, National Egg Month, National Salad Month, National Salsa Month, National Strawberry Month, National Drinking Water Month, National Artisan Gelato Month, National High Blood Pressure Education Month, National Masturbation Month, National Barbecue Month, National Custard Month, National Beef Month, National Tavern Month, National Youth Traffic Safety Month, National Stroke Awareness Month, National Arthritis Month, National Smile Month, National Military Appreciation Month, National Mental Health Month, National Drug Court Month, National Electrical Safety Month, National Trauma Awareness Month, National Home Improvement Month, National Community Action Month, National Critical Care Awareness and Recognition Month, National Family Month, National Book Month, National Better Hearing and Speech Month, National Better Sleep Month, National Moving Month, Get Caught Reading Month, National Bike Month, Clean Air Month, and Navajo Code Talkers Month.


Is that Caesar Izzzzzturis hitting?

How soon until

The Over?

I could find no actual pictures of him hitting...although the Google image search did turn up a disturbing comic book cover...

does anyone see monkeys in the air?

Despite some flu-like symptoms, Felix Hernandez (elbow) remains on target to start Tuesday against the Angels.
The plan is for him to throw 75-80 pitches in his first game back. You'll want him active for his two-start week.

I am shocked--SHOCKED!

After a long rain delay following the top of the ninth, Taylor Tankersley and Jorge Julio combined to lose Saturday's game against the Nationals.
Tankersley was handed the save chance in a one-run game, but he was wild following the delay, giving up two walks and two singles to tie the game. With two outs and the bases loaded, Julio came in to face Ryan Zimmerman and surrendered a grand slam to end it.