I Write The Songs

HACKING MASS 2008
Deadwood Drunks IV: The Awfulness
Position Player 2007 ESPN
Change Player Catcher Paul Loduca 53
Change Player First Base Jose Vidro 16
Change Player Second Base Kazuo Matsui 24
Change Player Third Base Jose Castillo 45
Change Player Shortstop Tony Pena 86
Change Player Left Field Juan Pierre 84
Change Player Center Field Michael Bourn 10
Change Player Right Field Jose Guillen -8
Change Player Pitcher 1 Daniel Cabrera 72
Change Player Pitcher 2 Matt Morris 26
Total 408


Predictatron 2008

YOUR BALLOT:
Note: '<--' denotes division winner, '<~' denotes wild card winner, '***' denotes mortal lock pick 

American League East
Baltimore Orioles 72 - 90
Boston Red Sox 95 - 67<-- *** New York Yankees 91 - 71<~ Tampa Bay Rays 83 - 79 Toronto Blue Jays 79 - 83 American League Central
Chicago White Sox 77 - 85
Cleveland Indians 90 - 72<-- Detroit Tigers 85 - 77 Kansas City Royals 75 - 87 Minnesota Twins 73 - 89 American League West
Anaheim Angels 77 - 85
Oakland Athletics 79 - 83
Seattle Mariners 85 - 77<-- Texas Rangers 74 - 88 National League East
Atlanta Braves 86 - 76
Florida Marlins 69 - 93
New York Mets 89 - 73<~ Philadelphia Phillies 93 - 69<-- Washington Nationals 73 - 89 National League Central
Chicago Cubs 91 - 71<-- Cincinnati Reds 81 - 81 Houston Astros 70 - 92 Milwaukee Brewers 87 - 75 Pittsburgh Pirates 75 - 87 St. Louis Cardinals 76 - 86 National League West
Arizona Diamondbacks 89 - 73<-- Colorado Rockies 83 - 79 Los Angeles Dodgers 85 - 77 San Diego Padres 86 - 76 San Francisco Giants 62 - 100*** YOUR PLAYOFFS: American League Division Series: New York Yankees over Cleveland Indians in 5 games Boston Red Sox over Seattle Mariners in 4 games National League Division Series: Chicago Cubs over New York Mets in 5 games Philadelphia Phillies over Arizona Diamondbacks in 5 games American League Championship Series: Boston Red Sox over New York Yankees in 6 games National League Championship Series: Philadelphia Phillies over Chicago Cubs in 6 games World Series: Philadelphia Phillies over Boston Red Sox in 7 games AL MVP: Grady Sizemore AL CY: Felix Hernandez AL ROY: Philip Hughes AL MAN: Joe Maddon NL MVP: Chase Utley NL CY: Johan Santana NL ROY: Johnny Cueto NL MAN: Cholly Manuel

tough one tonight

Burrell hits two-run homer, Myers goes 8 innings to help Phillies beat Cubs

PHILADELPHIA (AP)—Pat Burrell hit a two-run homer and had a tiebreaking double in the sixth inning, helping the Philadelphia Phillies snap the Chicago Cubs’ five-game winning streak with a 5-3 victory on Friday night.

Brett Myers pitched eight strong innings to earn his first win since moving back into the starting rotation. Myers (1-1) allowed three runs on solo homers, five hits and struck out five.

Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano connected off Myers, who finished last season as Philadelphia’s closer.

Is it The Bush Effect?

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul

After 8 years, is everyone dumber, including myself for just hearing the moron?

I mean, really, the idiots in FISK have trouble adding 3 + 3. Really, i am not making this up. I mean, if it's 3pm Pacific time, what time is it in New Jersey? They didn't know. Really.

It's like, you're against the Iraq war and you're working three jobs and still not making ends meet and gas is $4 a gallon and you're one of the 81% who think the country is on the wrong track and you're one of the 72% who think Bush is a moron and you're response is: I'm going to vote for John McCain.

dis just in: Brett Myers still SUCKS (cont'd)

Chi Cubs 1st Inning Summary
- A. Soriano flied out to right
- K. Fukudome popped out to second
- D. Lee homered to deep left
- A. Ramirez homered to deep left center
- D. Ward grounded out to second
- End of Inning (2 Runs, 2 Hits, 0 Errors)

there is more bullshit directly around this corner

Why ’significant progress’ sounds kind of familiar

Yesterday, speaking from the White House, the president boasted, “American and Iraqi forces have made significant progress” in Iraq. It got me thinking, haven’t we heard that phrase before in relation to Iraq?
* White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan on October 27, 2003: “In the north and south [of Iraq], we have made significant progress.”
* President Bush on November 13, 2004: “Fighting together, our forces have made significant progress in the last several days.”
* President Bush on June 28, 2005: “In the past year, we have made significant progress.”
* Vice President Cheney on October 19, 2006: “[W]e’ve made significant progress.”
* President Bush on February 23, 2007: ” I think we have made significant progress in Iraq.”
Indeed, it’s a phrase the White House has used to describe events in Iraq several hundred times over the last five years. I can’t imagine why anyone would be skeptical about the claim now.

Smiff's weekend plans shaping up...

kpbsnews Schwarzenegger, former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton to speak in S.D. this weekend at the Log Cabin Republicans' convention: http://is.gd/5xa

Kenny Williams:Real Man of Genius

Fire Joe Morgan letting Scum-Slimes Sox writer Joe Cowley have it today.

just a wild guess here: really phokking stupid

apparentry, dere is a golf match going on or some shit

It was George Carlin who said: "I'd rather watch flies fuck."

did K-Mad write all of the responses here?

Bush approval hits new career low

My favorite is the first one:

You really have to wonder where the 28% comes from. Mental hospitals? Jails? Trailer Parks? Militia and Aryan Church Organizations?
Posted by: John Chuckman, Toronto, Canada | April 11, 2008 1:21 PM

same s#i+, different day

Is this sign kosher?

Blair Kamin: The city's landmark ordinance couldn't be clearer. The brick wall at Wrigley Field is protected "in its entirety." So how to explain the Chicago Board Options Exchange sign that has appeared in bright yellow letters?

• United gets Soldier Field lounge naming deal

You write the caption...

This photo of Vice President Dick Cheney has sparked speculation about what's reflected in those sun glasses (uh, The Face of Evil...duh).

• Skilling: Gusty thunderstorms
• CTA riders face weekend problems
• House Democrats fail in try to raise income tax on wealthy

Kind of negates her 3 AM phone call commercial doesn't it?

Bill defending Hill's "misspeaking" about sniper fire in Bosnia:

"You know, I got tickled the other day. A lot of the way this whole campaign has been covered has amused me. But there was a lot of fulminating because Hillary, one time late at night when she was exhausted, misstated — and immediately apologized for it — what happened to her in Bosnia in 1995 [sic]. Did y'all see all that? Oh, they blew it up.

"Let me just tell you. The president of Bosnia and General Wesley Clark — who was there making peace where we'd lost three peacekeepers, who had to ride on a dangerous mountain road because it was too dangerous to go the regular, safe way — both defended her because they pointed out that when her plane landed in Bosnia, she had to go up to the bulletproof part of the plane, in the front. Everybody else had to put their flak jackets underneath the seat in case they got shot at. And everywhere they went, they were covered by Apache helicopters. So they just abbreviated the arrival ceremony.

"Now I say that because, what really has mattered is that even then she was interested in our troops. And I think she was the first first lady since Eleanor Roosevelt to go into a combat zone. And you woulda thought, you know, that she'd robbed a bank the way they carried on about this. And some of them, when they're 60, they'll forget something when they're tired at 11 at night, too."

CBS News producer Ryan Corsaro, who covers Senator Clinton, points out that she made the claim in mid-morning on St. Patrick's Day. CBS also has aired videotape of the senator making the claim on at least two other occasions. The Eleanor Roosevelt claim also has been questioned, since Pat Nixon traveled to Vietnam in 1969.

Yep, he's a Horror...

According to the St. Petersburg Times, Al Reyes was arrested early Friday morning "after falling down, picking a fight and spitting blood at the patrons of a popular Hyde Park night spot." Reyes may have been out celebrating his 38th birthday, which was Thursday. The newspaper reports that Reyes "fell against a ceramic pot inside the bar" and thought that someone had pushed him, at which point he "began exchanging words" with a patron who eventually "punched Reyes in the face." In a news release, police said that Reyes then "began to spit blood on the people in the area and began to swing his arms about," at which point an officer reportedly twice used a taser to subdue him.

Gasp!

What does this mean? Is Condi on the short list? Thinking of running on her own? Quitting before her time is up? Linked to a new man?

Rice rumour mill

Not just Dumbya

Even the English have trouble speaking English...

London teen orders 'cab, innit'
Retail display supplier duly obliges

try 'overhand'

Andrew Miller: Miller ordered to throw harder?

4/10 10:00 am: Andrew Miller is reportedly being ordered to throw harder, according to the Palm Beach Post. His velocity hasn't reached 90 mph in either of his first two starts, but the team stated that his health is fine. Manager Gonzalez noted, "The problem is that Miller is compensating his velocity by trying to be careful to throw more strikes. Against the Yankees, it was 92, 95, 97, and we haven't seen that since. Not even close. I don't want him to take away from his velocity to try to throw strikes. You want to see the zip, you want to see the life that hitters were missing." Miller is 0-1 with a 12.91 ERA, but has nine strikeouts over 7.2 innings.

when did 'torture' become 'harsh interrogation techniques' and when... well, you know...

Cheney, others OK'd harsh interrogations

WASHINGTON - Bush administration officials from Vice President Dick Cheney on down signed off on using harsh interrogation techniques against suspected terrorists after asking the Justice Department to endorse their legality, The Associated Press has learned.

American Groundlines

Ah the joys of unregulated capitalism. Airlines which don't fly. Energy companies that trade in commodities until they leverage away their futures. Stock brokers who trade in overrated bonds until they leverage away their futures. Governments which fight trade wars with real armies that put specie ahead of human capital.

And the religious nutbags apparently are able to criticize every moral system except for the amoral immorality of unfettered capitalism. Most of the rest just want lower taxes.

Looking for a silver lining.

From the Yoo memo:

… for an act to constitute torture … it must inflict pain that is difficult to endure. Physical pain amounting to torture must be equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death. For purely mental pain or suffering to amount to torture … it must result in significant psychological harm of significant duration, e.g., from one of the predicate acts listed in the statute, namely: threats of imminent death; threats of infliction of the kind of pain that would amount to physical torture; infliction of such physical pain as a means of psychological torture; use of drugs or other procedures designed to deeply disrupt the senses, or fundamentally alter an individual’s personality; or threatening to do any of these things to a third party.

The mental harm must be prolonged – or extended over some period of time. “…the acts giving rise to the harm must cause some lasting, though not necessarily permanent, damage.”

Obviously, the Yoo definition of torture significantly expands the international consensus on what is and what isn't torture. But the administration says we are not following a definition as expansive as Yoo's. [Ed: A lie.]

On the plus side, I think the definition may entitle hundreds of thousands of Cubs fans to bring suit.

Obama is going gangbusters over heres---------->

Seems like only last week he was at 211...

feh... name something that isn't a crisis...

Rogge says Olympics in 'crisis'

By STEPHEN WILSON
AP Sports Writer

BEIJING (AP) -- Crisis. Disarray. Sadness. Four months before the opening of what was supposed to be the grandest Olympics in history, the head of the International Olympic Committee is using words that convey anything but a sense of joyous enthusiasm.

The protest-marred Olympic torch relay and international criticism of China's policies on Tibet, Darfur and human rights have turned the Beijing Games into one of the most politically charged in recent history and presented the IOC with one of its toughest tests since the boycott era of the 1970s and '80s.

"It is a crisis, there is no doubt about that," IOC President Jacques Rogge said Thursday. "But the IOC has weathered many bigger storms."

How are these two things not related?

Has everyones' brainz oozed out of their heads?

Economy drives Bush approval to new low
Public approval of President Bush has dipped to a new low in the Associated Press-Ipsos poll, driven by dissatisfaction with his handling of the economy. A survey released today shows 28 percent approve of the overall job Bush is doing.

McCain even with Obama, Clinton
Republican Sen. John McCain has erased Sen. Barack Obama's 10-point advantage in a head-to-head matchup, leaving him essentially tied with both Democratic candidates.

This will lead to nothing

Bush asks, "Do they have black people in the Sudan too?"

Hosni "Dick, Dick, Dick" Mubarak

Another U.S. supported fascist dictator cracks down.

Hey Joe Maddon

Jonny Gomes went 2-for-2 with a double and two walks in Thursday's win over the Mariners.
One of the walks was intentional. Apparently, the rest of the league has more respect for Gomes' ability than Joe Maddon does. Still, with Cliff Floyd out, it's possible Gomes will get to play regularly anyway. He's hitting .294/.381/.706 in 17 at-bats.

with any luck, we'll never run out of enemies

News item: Ever since Army Gen. David H. Petraeus was appointed to oversee the U.S. military in Iraq more than a year ago, the primary enemy for his troops has been shifting. ... This week, things changed again. In two days of Capitol Hill testimony, Petraeus declared Iranian-backed "special groups" -- hardened fighters who are part of larger Shiite militias -- to be the "greatest long-term threat to the viability of a democratic Iraq."

that's so not what i meant

that's so dick

refering to something that is extremely awesome or unusually large. Usually used by women, or gay men.

Julie: "Did you see that hottie with the bomb ass ride?"
Courtney: "Hell yea, that's so dick!"

what Smiff said

McCain erases Obama lead

WASHINGTON - Republican Sen. John McCain has erased Sen. Barack Obama's 10-point advantage in a head-to-head matchup, leaving him essentially tied with both Democratic candidates in an Associated Press-Ipsos national poll released Thursday.

annudder corner turned

Sustained Untreatable Communicable K-Mad Status (SUCKS) (cont'd)

Seeya, wouldn't want to beya...

Chad Tracy (knee, etc.) is suffering from a viral infection as he recovers from knee surgery. The infection is going through the Arizona clubhouse, but the setback will likely push Tracy's return into May. With Mark Reynolds off to a hot start, Tracy could be looking at a diminished role upon returning.

supporting the troops, Cheney style (cont'd)

"Our military is low on parts, pay and morale. If called on by the commander-in-chief today, two entire divisions of the army would have to report 'not ready for duty, sir.'"
RezzziDUNCE George W. Bush, as candiDUNCE for RezzziDUNCE in 2000

"What the Clinton/Gore administration has done is to shortchange the military, continue to impose significant burdens on them and not made the kind of investments that need to be made... The military is in trouble today."
VP candidate Dick "Dick" (Dick) DICK Cheney, 2000

True to their word, they fixed things right up:

MILITARY UPRISING: Bush's decision to cut tour lengths comes after months and months of warnings from his top military advisers. "The current demand for our forces exceeds the sustainable supply," Army Chief of Staff George Casey said back in September. This week, Joint Chiefs Chairman Mike Mullen noted he was "very public for many months that we need to get off 15 month deployments as fast as we can." In a recent meeting in the Pentagon, top military leaders "told President Bush they are worried about the Iraq war's mounting strain on troops and their families." While a step forward in the right direction, Bush's announcement today is more likely forced due to necessity, Ilan Goldenberg of the National Security Network observed. "The military is so strained, the president really didn't have a choice," he said. As Colin Powell presciently observed in July 2007, "[T]hey probably can't keep this up at this level past the middle of next year, I would guess. This is a tremendous burden on our troops."

the shockingness continues (cont'd)

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The gap between rich and poor in many states has broadened at a quickening pace since the last U.S. recession, which could make it difficult for low-income families to weather the current economic downturn, according to a report issued Wednesday.

Height of Idiocy

US shamed by Mandela terror link

It's unbelievable that this has taken 14 years to fix...

Start saving for those tickets to New Zealand

McCain-Rice ticket tops Obama-Clinton in NY poll

McCain-Rice: 49 percent.
Clinton-Obama: 46 percent.

And da flip side:

McCain-Rice: 49 percent.
Obama-Clinton: 44 percent

can K-Mad top dis?

Minutes after i drafted him in Big Hurt...

Cliff Floyd will go on the disabled list and have surgery Friday to repair a tear in the medial meniscus in his right knee. Floyd had surgery to repair torn cartilage in the medial meniscus of his other knee on April 6, 1999 and came back on April 27. However, he's eight years older now and a slower healer than ever. He'll likely miss at least a month. Justin Ruggiano will replace him on Tampa Bay's roster and get some at-bats in right field. He could have some value in AL-only leagues. Jonny Gomes and Eric Hinske will also benefit.

new BushCo euphemism

"As Iraq is now earning the financial resources it needs for bricks and mortar construction through oil production and export, our primary focus has shifted to capacity development and an emphasis on local and post-kinetic development..."
-- Ambassador Ryan Crocker

"post-kinetic" -- after s#i+ blows up?

Unclear on the concept (cont)

'Corrupting' Simpsons replaced by Baywatch on Venezuelan TV

he has a firm hand grip

4/9 11:14 am: Mark Prior threw a full batting practice session on Tuesday, according to the Union-Tribune. That was his first outing since the one six days earlier, which was notably cut short by shoulder tightness. Manager Black noted that Prior will likely pitch in a simulated game within two weeks.

Hey, isn't dere a corrupt "election" going on in Zimbabwe?

Where's our man-on-the-street reportage???

Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick DICK is not going to like this one bit

"We haven't turned any corners, we haven't seen any lights at the end of the tunnel."
-- David Petraeus

He didn't mention last throes.

you say Osama, I say @$$croft...

What a toad...

Hell On Earth? (non-Iraq, or any other places where George W. Bush hasn't made some AWFUL, IDIOTIC, CRIMINAL decisions, or Africa, Division)

Ok, pretty much anywhere but here and Canada...still, the sun was out for like an hour today and it was, well, brisk!

ZoneCast*:
430 PM PDT TUE APR 08 2008
Includes San Diego County Coastal Areas

Rest Of Tonight...Partly cloudy in the evening...Then cloudy with a slight chance of showers after midnight. Lows 51 to 56. Winds southwest 15 mph. Chance of measurable precipitation 20 percent.

Wednesday...Mostly cloudy with a slight chance of showers in the morning...Then partly cloudy in the afternoon. Highs 59 to 64. Winds west 15 mph in the morning becoming light. Chance of measurable precipitation 20 percent.

Wednesday Night...Partly cloudy. Patchy fog after midnight. Lows 49 to 55. Light winds.

*aka BullshitCast

by extension, K-Mad is killing my Zeniths

It's one phokking injury after anudder wid dem - DAMN K-MAD, THE DIRTY APE!

Mo Williams missed Tuesday's game and the boxscore listed the reason as "pubic symphisis." As far as we can tell from perusing Google, that means he has hip and groin pain. In any case, it's unknown when he'll play again, although he's day-to-day.

ABSOLUTELY SHTOLEN IN DA WELLNESS CENTER DRAFT

Johnny Cueto’s second big-league start wasn’t quite as his splendid debut, but he was again outstanding against the Brewers Tuesday night, allowing two runs over 6 1/3 innings while striking out eight. Cueto was nasty again, allowing just five hits and no walks. This kid looks to be the real deal.

but the surge has been a success...

Some of Menendez’s figures are downright infuriating. This is what $25 billion has gotten us:

43% of population lives in absolute poverty
prior to war 19% of children suffered malnutrition; today 28%
last year 75% elementary-aged kids went to school; now 30%
prior to war 50% lacked access to clean water; now 70%
only 50 of 142 primary health care centes are open to public

Ambassador Crocker’s response is exactly what you would expect:

“Security conditions made it difficult to bring projects to closure in a timely fashion.”

Sen Menedez to Amb. Crocker: Reconstruction billions have worsened everyday Iraqi life

Wasn't dat S-CHIP bill Dumbya vetoed for like $15 billion? 285 days to go...

Dusty is a whole new stupid

"I said to [coach] Chris Speier, 'I hope he doesn't get the bunt down so he can hit a game-winning home run.'"
--Dusty Baker, on Edwin Encarnacion's game-winning home-run last week, creating questions over why he called for a bunt in the first place.

He called the bunt because that's what he does. He bunts. And he sticks with the vets. And he doesn't believe in pitch counts or getting on base or any of that nonsense. He believes in the bunt, the "smart" play that creates openings and holes and gets the other team thinking. He hasn't had a thought in his head since 1979 and he is the goddamn worst.

Howard Dean brings it

Dear Kevin,

John McCain is so wrong on Iraq, he can't even get the basic facts about the situation on the ground correct.

Today, as he was questioning Gen. David Petraeus, he again confused the difference between Shiite and Sunni Muslims.

At least five times as a candidate John McCain has stated that Iran (a Shiite nation) is supporting Al-Qaeda (a Sunni group) in Iraq. This is not some minor mistake, but a significant gaffe. He clearly does not understand the sensitive political dynamics in that region of the world.

What's worse is that he's done it at important times when you'd expect him to be at his best -- he did it today in the Senate while questioning the commander of American forces in Iraq, and he did it on a recent trip to the Middle East.

If John McCain can't remember such a simple fact at crucial times, how will he be able to do it as President?

now you can use the latest technology available on the internets to track your complete and udder lack of forward movement, or, expect delays (cont'd)

News item: The Chicago Transit Authority has been swallowed into the universe of the Google Inc.’s mapping technology.

Users who turn to the Google Maps for directions can now find an option providing step-by-step instructions on how to take CTA buses and trains to their destinations. The service melds the CTA’s existing Trip Planner with the Google Maps.

For example, typing a starting address and a destination of “Solchers Fielt” into the Google’s “Take Public Transit” function provides suggested CTA options, as well as bus and train departure times. Those times should become more accurate by next year, when all CTA buses become part of its bus tracker program.

“The CTA is now part of (a) global community and offers people the opportunity to choose a more environmentally friendly way to get where they want to go,” Mayor Richard M. Daley said at a Tuesday news conference announcing the partnership.

Comments
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* Transit leaders' optimism wanes

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bottled - water - property taxes - optimism wanes - service cuts

CTA President Ron Huberman said the CTA will receive roughly $60,000 from ads the Google is placing on the transit agency’s Web site.

Chicago is the largest of 25 cities to incorporate public transportation schedules and routes into the Google’s maps. Directions are available in 11 languages and can be accessed by anyone through the Internets.

Cherries' shteals flexing dere muscles

Top 2nd: Baltimore
- S. Moore homered to deep right

Top 3rd: Baltimore
- L. Scott homered to deep left, A. Huff scored

Bill Moyers brings it

Five years, thousands of casualties, and hundreds of billion dollars later, most of the media co-conspirators caught in flagrante delicto are still prominent, still celebrated, and still holding forth with no more contrition than a weathercaster who made a wrong prediction as to the next day's temperature.

Behold the hectoring.

or, the hot Manhattan sun may bleach his bones

Brian Casman on Derek Jeter:

"Derek has a light quad strain, but it's a quad strain nonetheless. We are in no man's land. We aren't sure it's a (disabled list situation) or a three-, four- or five-day thing. Will it be better in five to seven days? Could it be three or four? Or is it seven or eight? We are taking it one day at a time. We could option somebody and bring Alberto Gonzalez. Or go with what we've got. We haven't decided one way or another yet."

The Face of Evil

perhaps Smiff would care to weigh in on this question

Jonny Gomes hit his second home run of the season on Monday night for the Rays.

Our View: Gomes now has two HR and five RBI in just eight AB on the year which begs the question; why does he have only eight AB on the year?

Missouri: last in brainz in the U S and A?

Ultimate fighting expands to include children as young as 6

CARTHAGE, Mo. — Ultimate fighting was once the sole domain of burly men who beat each other bloody in anything-goes brawls on pay-per-view TV. But the sport often derided as ``human cockfighting'' is branching out. The bare-knuckle fights are now attracting competitors as young as 6 whose parents treat the sport as casually as wrestling, Little League or soccer....

Missouri appears to be the only state in the nation that explicitly allows the youth fights. In many states, it is a misdemeanor for children to participate. A few states have no regulations....

When Mediocre NL Central Teams Collide

It might never end...

Kosuke Fukudome reached five times and stole his second base Monday as the Cubs defeated the Pirates 10-8 in 12 innings. The Cubs let the Pirates come all of the way back to tie it after taking a 7-0 lead in the third, and they probably should have lost it in the ninth. After Ryan Doumit (Phant!) doubled and pinch-runner Brian Bixler advanced to third on a groundout, Jose Bautista dropped down a squeeze attempt. However, Bixler declined to take off from third, and first baseman Derrek Lee was able to tag Bautista for the second out. Luis Rivas then grounded out to end the threat, and the score remained 8-8 until the Cubs scored twice without the benefit of a hit in the 12th.

Monday Night Is Wine Night (cont'd)

me: did get the FISK results?
did you get
Kevin: yezzur
Sent at 8:13 PM on Monday
me: phokker
Kevin: remarkable yes... i phink so too
Sent at 8:15 PM on Monday
me: Kansas losing another big game?
SHOCKING
Kevin: seems unlikelyu
Sent at 8:22 PM on Monday
me: maybe spoke too soon
Sent at 8:24 PM on Monday
me: Yabu pitched today...
Kevin: non-catostrophically
Sent at 8:26 PM on Monday
me: He will soon be on one of your teams
how's Callix doing?
Sent at 8:29 PM on Monday
me: ovvvvertime
Kevin: callix -- you will see -- everyone will see...
Sent at 8:31 PM on Monday
me: yes, The A.J. Hinch Experience, we know...
Kevin: now you're catching on...
me: i jinxed KanASS in reverse
Sent at 8:37 PM on Monday
me: those phokkers still haven't sent the FISK results
or Big Hurt
phokkers
Kevin: by email? i got all three of mine
sucker!
me: gfy!!
i see the Monks are in 1st though
Horror with a negative run differential...
Kevin: clutch though
me: and a two game losing streak
Kevin: need i add: tied for 1st
me: with 40 other teams
CQs are punchless
and hapless
Kevin: beleaguered?
me: leagueredless
Wyverns, you ask?
Kevin: uh, yeah, why not
me: Tied for 1st
Kevin: with 40 other teams?
me: nope, just phree
Kevin: cool!
me: yeah!
Sent at 8:46 PM on Monday
me: in reversal of fortune, no hitting but lotsa pitching
AND John Bale is available...
Kevin: for a high price
me: nope, just a supp pick
Kevin: thats crazy talk
me: Bill Self didn't choke again? damn
well, tomorrow he will be introduced as the new coach at Oklahoma St.
for $8 MEEEEEllion a year
Sent at 8:51 PM on Monday
me: so the 2nd best team this year is -
Davidson
Sent at 8:53 PM on Monday
me: DICKIE V crying on ESPN... he's going into the Basketball Hall of Fame, BABY!
Kevin: what category?
Sent at 9:02 PM on Monday
Kevin: so when does anthony bourdain come to chicago and vist hot dougs? they can whine rhapsodic about the pleasures of fatty duck liver and bird torture
me: yes. why hasn't he come to Chicago?
he already did the bird torture in Quebec...
followed by the seal torture
Kevin: canucks can torture? mfa... if dat were true dey would run the world instead of us
me: well, they're not real Canadians: da French and da Eskimos
Kevin: cajun inbred seal-clubbing phokks?
Sent at 9:08 PM on Monday
me: da cajun inbreds tortured da ducks, and da eskimos shot a seal and den sliced it up and ate it raw (as in uncooked)
AB got to suck out an eyeball
Kevin: lucky phokker
me: i know - raw seal eyeball? i'd kill for dat
Kevin: if you havent picked it up, the account of that scene in The Nasty Bits is pretty phokkin phonny
me: da Nasty Bits?
Kevin: yezzur
me: uh, and what is dat?
is it on the internets?
Kevin: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-Bits-Collected-Varietal-Usable/dp/1596913606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207628064&sr=1-1
everyphing is on da internets! duh!
me: oh, it's a book. how quaint
not to change the subject, but you want to trade Chris Young back to me?
Kevin: no
but if you have an offer, i'd "listen"
me: what do yas need?
Johnny Cueto?
Kevin: Smelts? Nothing! They rock
me: nuffing huh? what's this i'd listen crap den
Kevin: Oh!!!!!! Here's a shokker... Estabain Loaizer hammered tonight
me: PHOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
U
AND PRINT IT
Sent at 9:20 PM on Monday
me: i blame you:
Derek Jeter will miss at least one game with a strained left quad, but he's not expected to land on the disabled list.
Wilson Betemit will fill in for Jeter on Tuesday and possibly for the rest of the week. The Yankees may call up Alberto Gonzalez to help out defensively if they don't think Jeter will be back within a few days.
Kevin: fair enough
for the record
i blame myself as well
me: right then
Michael Barrett: strained elbow: Chix?
dentist chair tomorrow...
i blame you
Kevin: your dentist crap is not my fault. i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years. its as simple as not picking up the phone. inertia even works in my favor on this one
barrett -- phokk him -- not my prollem -- never wuz -- never will be
Sent at 9:26 PM on Monday
Kevin: tonight: villa maria merlot cabernet
it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent at 9:28 PM on Monday
me: shocking
Kevin: lisa: why do they call you "bleeding gums?"
me: i gotsta BV Coastal Estates Private Cellars 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
Kevin: bleeding gums murphy: let's put it this way... ever been to the dentist?
lisa: yeah
bleeding gums murphy: not me!
lisa: eeeeeew!
bleeding gums murphy: i probly shoud go...
there is a simpsons reference for everything
2003 -- woop-de-phokkin-dew...
me: bleeding gums mcclure - has a ring to it
ok for 9 bucks
Kevin: daing... that's what this AWFUL merlot/cab cost
but da jin jin shiraz -- same price -- always a winner
Sent at 9:34 PM on Monday
me: it's merlot - duh
Kevin: go phokk myself?
me: jin jin - never heard of it
Kevin: da jin jinz -- worf checking out -- screw-off cap!
me: aussie?
Sent at 9:40 PM on Monday
Kevin: of course
goes down like kool-aid at a hot summer cult brainwashing'
dis just in:
i love jeebus
me: well, he did like wine
Kevin: oh yeah -- lotsa drinking going on. even made wine outta nuttin after da likker stores were closed
not unlike smiff
so there was actually college basketball tonight?
meffis won?
me: did you walk on Lake Michigan? Cubs win the World Series?
dint we cover dis - Kansas won in OT
Kevin: jeebus can only do so much
was dat dis year?
seems like a year ago
it went ot? sounds mildly amusing... mebbe i shoulda watched
me: Kansas wuz down 9 points wif 2 minutes left
Kevin: oh well, you know who i HATE? like 98% of the division 1 programs inlcuding the final phokks who were in the phinal phokking phour
me: phshocking
Kevin: if it were possible for them to ALL LOSE, that would make me SO PHOKKING HAPPY
no winner this year!!! everyone sad!!! wo-hoooooo!!!!!
next year is canceled!
the year after -- looking iffy@!
and the kicker is: we're all dead!
me: er, maybe you should go to bed? uh, just askin'
Kevin: nah, feeling great
me: ok, well, da Huskies can't make a tourney run every year, or ever
Sent at 9:50 PM on Monday
Kevin: da huskies will never, ever, ever, ever field a decent basketball team again. the cubs will win the world series before the huskies finish above .500. and the world will be a fiery crispy crackly conflagration before the cubs ever win the world series (see: s#i+ burning up).
Sent at 9:51 PM on Monday
Kevin: so, meffis won?
meffis! it's almost hard to hate them. but somehow, i do
me: well, they killed Martin Luther King, for starters...
Kevin: yes. though it's hard to hold that against this year's team, but somehow, i do
me: especially when the the entire team are darkies
Kevin: Matt Cain: awful. i blame you
me: you knew da risks
sucker
Kevin: da k-mad touch -- everything turns to risk
ok, so it's like, midnight here
dat means, either i go to bed...
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: or, like... what a retard
me: or...more wine?
Kevin: dude i had like a bottle and a half arreddy
and its like... tomorrow
need i add:
me: you should be here - only 10
Kevin: unhinged
yeah, well... by da time i get deres, it would be later den it is now
me: but you could sleep on the plane
Kevin: but i'm a tarrist
dere -- i run rings round ya logically
me: where a hat
Kevin: andy zimmer is eating brainzzz on tv
me: who's?
Kevin: llama
me: tasty
Kevin: he's in bolivia, where, presumably, there is nothing but llama brainzz to eat
me: dey don't eat da rest of da llama?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
dey probly due eat da rest of da llama, but it isn't as funny as da brain-eating part whut gets on da tv
me: dats true - were they raw?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
i phink dey was cooked
me: you said titi and caca - FUNNY STUFF
Kevin: wait -- titicaca
get it?
me: west of chester?
Kevin: no... titicaca
dere is a lake dere an everyding
me: oh, i don't get it den
Mount Titicaca would be funnier
Sent at 10:06 PM on Monday
Kevin: just so you know:
llama tongue... a little chewy
and since its bedtime for me
since, like, it's... tomorrow
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: and the kicker is: i'm dead
yes!
me: maybe, but you and dickie v are still hall of famers in my book
Kevin: yeah but he has been dead longer den me
i just wanna be a ptp'er baby
Sent at 10:11 PM on Monday
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: possibly
me: more booze? any nyquil in da house?
Sent at 10:13 PM on Monday

Kevin is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kevin comes online.

Here we go!

From Rotoworld to us mortals:

Rich Harden is slated to start Saturday after being scratched from his scheduled start Tuesday.
There's still been no reason given for his absence. It might not be an injury if they've already scheduled his return. Chad Gaudin will face the Blue Jays tomorrow. Apr. 7 - 10:55 pm et

And the Cyclones season begins drifting off course...

week 1 standings

Horror: Tied for 1st
Cherries: Tied for 1st
Smelts: Tied for 1st

Coincidence? I phink not.

i pfink dis could be shocking but what da pfokk do i know?

Superior_Standings
Slingers 5 1 .833
Edgewater Smelts 5 1 .833
Three Putts 2 4 .333
Hillcrest Hummingbirds 1 5 .167

Opening Day on Da Sout'Side

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was ejected after plate umpire Phil Cuzzi called a second strike against Paul Konerko during the third inning. Guillen went nose-to-nose with the umpire for several minutes as the crowd chanted “Ozzie! Ozzie!” The ejection was Guillen’s 13th since becoming Chicago’s manager in 2004.

Joe Torre practicing his love with 'proven veterans' across America...

I pfink even Dusty is starting to get jealous:

Juan Pierre is starting over Matt Kemp for a third straight game Monday and the fourth time in seven games this season. It'd be one thing if Pierre was actually producing, but he's 1-for-11 at the plate. He also played a huge role in a loss last Wednesday when he botched a sac bunt in the ninth and got caught stealing to end the game. We were worried for Kemp owners after Andre Ethier was named a starter over Pierre, but we never imagined it'd get this bad so quickly.

There's one word for this and dat word is: Idiotic.

i pfink K-Mad was pushing for Wilson Betemit or somebody now on the DL

Now batting .393...

J. Crede homered to deep left, J. Dye, P. Konerko and C. Quentin scored

And it's just shocking how much they love McCrazy

Your MSM In Action
By: SilentPatriot @ 6:30 AM - PDT
Glenn notes how well the media is doing its job:
In the past two weeks, the following events transpired. A Department of Justice memo, authored by John Yoo, was released which authorized torture and presidential lawbreaking. It was revealed that the Bush administration declared the Fourth Amendment of the Bill of Rights to be inapplicable to “domestic military operations” within the U.S. The U.S. Attorney General appears to have fabricated a key event leading to the 9/11 attacks and made patently false statements about surveillance laws and related lawsuits. Barack Obama went bowling in Pennsylvania and had a low score.
Here are the number of times, according to NEXIS, that various topics have been mentioned in the media over the past thirty days:
“Yoo and torture” - 102
“Mukasey and 9/11″ — 73
“Yoo and Fourth Amendment” — 16
“Obama and bowling” — 1,043
“Obama and Wright” — More than 3,000 (too many to be counted)
“Obama and patriotism” - 1,607
“Clinton and Lewinsky” — 1,079
The sad thing is that the mainstream press really does believe that things like Obama’s poor bowling skills and the Clinton’s tax returns are more important stories than, say, the trillion dollar war that continues to rage on with no end in sight or a collapsing economy. Like Glenn says, people care about the petty stuff because the media loves to tell themselves that they do.

Didn't know this was a crime

Perhaps we should rethink moving there...

NZ man 'used hedgehog as weapon'

A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported.

Police said William Singalargh, 27, had hurled the hedgehog about 5m (16ft) at a 15-year-old boy.

"It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks," said Senior Sgt Bruce Jenkins, in the North Island town of Whakatane.

It was unclear whether the hedgehog was still alive when it was thrown, though it was dead when collected as evidence.

The police spokesman said the suspect was arrested "for assault with a weapon, namely the hedgehog."

Mr Singalargh is due to appear in court on 17 April. If convicted, he faces up to five years in prison.

Woops

John McCain’s Iraq speech interrupted with news of attacks on the Green Zone.

MSNBC cuts away as McCain is delivering his usual pro-war Iraq speech and as he talks about leadership—MSNBC breaks into a news report that says at least 4 mortars were shot into Baghdad’s green zone.
McCAIN: Faced with the prospect of defeat, we had two fundamental choices. We could retreat from Iraq and accept the horrible consequences of our defeat. Or we could change strategies and try to turn things around. It was, I believe, a critical moment in our nation’s history, and a time of testing for our nation’s political leadership.
In the year that has passed, our nation showed its strength –
MSNBC: And speaking of Iraq, we do have breaking news out of Iraq, where at least four mortars have been fired into the heavily-fortified Green Zone today. It’s unclear at this time if there are casualties or any major damage. Now the news comes just a day after five U.S. soldiers were killed in Iraq. Two, again, inside that Green Zone…read on

Talk About Unhinged

Well, now...

Book: McCain temper boiled over in '92 tirade, called wife a 'cunt'

John McCain's temper is well documented. He's called opponents and colleagues* "shitheads," "assholes" and in at least one case "a fucking jerk."
But a new book on the presumptive Republican nominee will air perhaps the most shocking angry exchange to date.
The Real McCain by Cliff Schecter, which will arrive in bookstores next month, reports an angry exchange between McCain and his wife that happened in full view of aides and reporters during a 1992 campaign stop. An advance copy of the book was obtained by RAW STORY....

*"McCain used the f-word," an anonymous shithead former senator said. "McCain called the guy a ‘shithead.' The senator demanded an apology. McCain stood up and said, ‘I apologize, but you're still a shithead.' That was in front of 40 to 50 Republican senators. That sort of thing happened frequently."
"Fuck you," he shouted at Texas Sen. John Cornyn last year.
"Only an asshole would put together a budget like this," he told the former Budget Committee chairman, Sen. Pete Domenici, in 1999.
"I'm calling you a fucking jerk!" he once retorted to Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley.

In fairness to McCain, Cornyn and Grassley are both fucking jerks, and Domenici is a HYoooooooooOOOOGE @SSH@LE.

LoC slacking off?

The number of posts on the LoC this year averages 36 posts per week, or just over 5 a day. Last year averages 57 posts per day, or more like 8 per day. That's with a couple of really low week numbers in there - only 9 over the Christmas period and 15 way back in June. In fact, since the beginning of December we've been below the 2007 weekly average every week, before we finally managed to tie it last week. So what has happened to the Lattice? Back in the day, late July to early August, we had a chance. A glorious chance to finally top the 100 posts in a week barrier. But we came just 2 short. And it's been downhill ever since. When will we regain the glory of days past? Or are we just inexorably withering towards the eventual demise of this web diary? Let's get back to the glory days. Let's break the 100 posts in a week barrier. Who's with me?

and who has been more responsible about protecting the Iraqi people, our most vital interests, and the future of the Middle East than McBush & Co.?

"To promise a withdrawal of our forces from Iraq, regardless of the calamitous consequences to the Iraqi people, our most vital interests, and the future of the Middle East, is the height of irresponsibility."

-- John McCain

Smiff is shocked again (cont'd)

I see the Blackhawks didn't make the playoffs again.

this is probably nothing to worry about

5. Lord Viper Elefantes 160.5
6. Fightin' Bluestem 159.5

Is he a Chicken?

Keiichi Yabu’s status for Monday’s game is uncertain after he hurt his eyes when the elastic bands he was working out with Saturday became unhooked and snapped across his face. The blurred vision would be a bigger problem, but it prevents him from actually having to watch his team play. Giants fans everywhere will be trying to duplicate the effects by the end of the month.

K-Mad's Career Killer Corner (non-injury) (cont'd)

Travis(ty) Buck is 0-21 on the season, with no walks and nine strikeouts. He did knock in his first run of the year on a sac fly today. And he has a hit by pitch, so at least his OBP isn't .000. Udder dan dat, he should be approaching a record of futility to start a season.

1st round pick by the Cherries dis year...

da world is upside-down, left is right and right is left, cats and dogs are living together etc.

Current Temps
Chicago 65
San Diego 59 (brrrr)

Brett Myers SUCKED again today?

I am SHOCKED.

Brett Myers was charged with four runs in five innings of work in a loss to the Reds on Sunday. Three of the runs came on a two-run blast from Ken Griffey Jr. and a solo shot from Jeff Keppinger. Still, Myers wasn't very good as he gave up eight total hits and three walks while throwing just 59-of-95 pitches for strikes. Good Lord, he SUCKS.

K-Mad does it again...

First start of the year...HE GUONE.

Justin Duchscherer will undergo an MRI on his biceps Sunday.
The A's believe the injury is just a mild strain. If the MRI shows nothing, it's possible Duchscherer could make his next scheduled start Wednesday in Toronto. If he can't make that start, the A's will probably either pull Lenny DiNardo out of the bullpen to take his place or activate Chad Gaudin a couple days early. Gaudin (foot/hip) is slated to make his first start Saturday in Cleveland, but is eligible to come off the DL at any time.

who hates America more than anyone?

Moveon.org, obviously...

Howard Dean says "McCain will make Cheney look like Ghandi." Then again, what would you expect from...

Wait. It was Pat Buchanan who said that. Sorry.

Dear MoveOn member,

For all the coverage this week of Senator John McCain's background, there are some important things you won't learn about him from the TV networks. His carefully crafted positive image relies on people not knowing this stuff—and you might be surprised by some of it.

Please check out the list below, and then forward it to your friends, family, and coworkers. We can't rely on the media to tell folks about the real John McCain—but if we all pass this along, we can reach as many people as CNN Headline News does on a good night.

Click here to tell us how many people you can pass it on to—and to see our progress nationally:

http://pol.moveon.org/mccain10/?id=12407-4533788-mG3Chs&t=231
10 things you should know about John McCain (but probably don't):

1. John McCain voted against establishing a national holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Now he says his position has "evolved," yet he's continued to oppose key civil rights laws.

2. According to Bloomberg News, McCain is more hawkish than Bush on Iraq, Russia and China. Conservative columnist Pat Buchanan says McCain "will make Cheney look like Gandhi."

3. His reputation is built on his opposition to torture, but McCain voted against a bill to ban waterboarding, and then applauded President Bush for vetoing that ban.

4. McCain opposes a woman's right to choose. He said, "I do not support Roe versus Wade. It should be overturned."

5. The Children's Defense Fund rated McCain as the worst senator in Congress for children. He voted against the children's health care bill last year, then defended Bush's veto of the bill.

6. He's one of the richest people in a Senate filled with millionaires. The Associated Press reports he and his wife own at least eight homes! Yet McCain says the solution to the housing crisis is for people facing foreclosure to get a "second job" and skip their vacations.

7. Many of McCain's fellow Republican senators say he's too reckless to be commander in chief. One Republican senator said: "The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine. He's erratic. He's hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."

8. McCain talks a lot about taking on special interests, but his campaign manager and top advisers are actually lobbyists. The government watchdog group Public Citizen says McCain has 59 lobbyists raising money for his campaign, more than any of the other presidential candidates.

9. McCain has sought closer ties to the extreme religious right in recent years. The pastor McCain calls his "spiritual guide," Rod Parsley, believes America's founding mission is to destroy Islam, which he calls a "false religion." McCain sought the political support of right-wing preacher John Hagee, who believes Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for gay rights and called the Catholic Church "the Antichrist" and a "false cult."

10. He positions himself as pro-environment, but he scored a 0—yes, zero—from the League of Conservation Voters last year.

John McCain is not who the Washington press corps make him out to be. Please help get the word out—forward this email to your personal network. And if you want us to keep you posted on MoveOn's work to get the truth out about John McCain, sign up here:

http://pol.moveon.org/mccaintruth/?id=12407-4533788-mG3Chs&t=232

Thank you for all you do.

–Eli, Justin, Noah, Laura, and the MoveOn.org Political Action Team
Saturday, April 5th, 2008

Fants hearing footsteps?

4. Lord Viper Elefantes 168.5
5. Fightin' Bluestem 163.5

It's Official.

You can have his gun now.

[I'm going straight to hell]