Saturday, June 16, 2007

funny FUNNY stuff

On da udder hand, he would lead my team in homers...

> The following trade has been proposed to you in
> Wellness Center All-Stars (98758):
> Coach #31:
> Ken Griffey Jr.
> For
> Lord Viper Elefantes:
> Yovani Gallardo

When Irresistable Force of Cutting-Edge Chix Traumedy meets Immovable Object of Sout'-Side Generalloziemo Suckiness

Josh Johnson will make his season debut by starting on Monday against the White Sox. He got through a 45-pitch bullpen session Friday without any problems, according to the Sun-Sentinel. Johnson has been out all season while recovering from an irritated ulnar nerve in his pitching elbow.

Hey Chix Haters! (SMIFF)

Phokk you...

Tings dat shtink

1) Smiff's farts. PU.

(talk amongst yourselves)

Smiff forecast for Chicago: Cool, dry weekend

Tom Skilling: Warm, humid weekend

are people *STILL* using public transportation?


Metra, Pace prepare for cuts

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

Barker, Rosie may spice up Emmys LOS ANGELES -- Recently retired game show host Bob Barker was a winner himself going into Friday night's Daytime Emmy Awards. The 83-year-old emcee of ''The Price Is Right'' earned his 18th Daytime Emmy at Thursday night's ceremony for craft categories as executive producer of the long-running show.

will K-Mad listen to the masses???

I've been getting fevered calls and e-mails about the site getting shut down, and de're apparently to lazy to apply for membership. Well, they are Americans, after all (except Fungai). So what say yea? Is it safe to become public again?? If we get death threats again, just send them to me and i will personally hunt dem down and kill dem. Just think of Da Fants and what Da Fants usually do...K I L L.

Friday, June 15, 2007

talk about a tough break...

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said Scott Podsednik would not come off the disabled list this weekend. It might happen early next week. Podsednik has missed two months with torn groin muscle.


Oliver Perez (Hummingbird) spun 7 1/3 scoreless innings against the Yankees on Friday to record his seventh win of the season. Perez wasn't terribly efficient, throwing just 66-of-117 pitches for strikes. However, he was able to get pitches over the plate later in counts and he walked just three batters while yielding five hits. Perez departed with a runner on second and one out in the eighth, but Pedro Feliciano retired Bobby Abreu and Joe Smith got Alex Rodriguez to ground out to end the rally. The outing lowered Perez's ERA back down below 3.00, to 2.93.

Behold: Da Swindler Speaks!

"Here are some interesting names and situations to tuck away, particularly in deep leagues or leagues with..." Oh, be quiet.

Snowjob In Action

Also see dis.

good phing i toad Smiff to draft him (cont'd)

A Pettitte (W, 4-4) 8.0 4 1 1 1 4 0 101-67 2.93

He is, as I predicted, the only bright spot in an otherwise BLEAK Cherry rotation.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

in Monumental Idiot news

Scott Elarton was tagged for six runs in two-plus innings by the Cardinals on Thursday.
The Royals gave Elarton nine early runs to work with, but he couldn’t provide them with the innings they needed after Odalis Perez’s short start Wednesday. Elarton now has an 8.54 ERA in seven starts since coming off the DL. He’s given up 11 homers and struck out just 13 in 32 2/3 innings, providing strong evidence that he simply doesn’t have the stuff to succeed as a major leaguer right now. Unfortunately, the Royals seem content with Zack Greinke in the pen, leaving them with no strong candidates to replace Elarton in the rotation. He might keep his spot for now.

here's K-Mad's pick - you can pay me in DC in beer...

In his first major league appearance since April 2004, Jason Stanford struck out seven while allowing one run over six innings in a defeat of the Marlins on Thursday. It's been a long road back for Stanford, who underwent Tommy John surgery in July 2004 and was removed from the Indians' 40-man roster last September. The 30-year-old isn't expected to remain in the rotation following Jake Westbrook's return from the DL. He could be used as a reliever, but it might be for the best if he gets a chance to become a fifth starter elsewhere.

Snowjobber: 2+2=5, s#i+ blowing up everywhere is peace, etc.

Q Let me follow on that, because I think some American officials have called this (Wednesday's s#i+-blowing-up of the Al-Askari mosque) an act of desperation. And I'm wondering how this is seen as an act of desperation. Does that mean that the terrorists are so concerned that they're sort of being shut down, and that the surge is so effective that they're now desperate to make a statement?

MR. SNOWJOB: Well, I think, again -- a couple of things. It does fit a pattern that we see throughout the region, which is that when you see things moving towards success, or when you see signs of success, that there are acts of violence. We saw that, certainly -- we've seen that in Lebanon, once again, today, tragically. We also saw it earlier in Lebanon. We have seen it on a number of occasions where, when Israel and the Palestinians seem to be getting close to a deal, there are kidnapings and acts of violence.

If dis happens, I'm burning all my Moe Bandy records

News item: A company called the Toney Watkins Company wants 2000 acres in the middle Pyramid State Park, Illinois's largest park area, to build a theme park resort similar to Branson, Missouri.

Does Chicago gotst one of dese?

Dis pfing might be tree or four tousand years old...

Mastodon remains found in Carlsbad
Parts of a skeleton of an American mastodon believed to have lived during the Ice Age are unearthed at a Carlsbad construction site being graded that once was an ancient oxbow lake in a meandering river valley. The discovery, made Tuesday, is only the third mastodon fossil discovered in the county.

Look who's back...MLE case #5631

Diamondbacks purchased the contract of infielder Augie Ojeda from Triple-A Tucson. Ojeda, 32, is back in the majors for the first time since 2005. He was hitting .323/.395/.404 for Tucson, but the Diamondbacks won't be looking from anything more than steady defense from him.

Really? Anyone dis fiery has got to be in the lineup.

Craig Monroe will get at least Friday off and may also sit Saturday after striking out five times Thursday. Monroe knocked over a water cooler after one strikeout and flipped his bat over his head and slammed his helmet after his strikeout ended the seventh with two runners on base. Marcus Thames will probably start in left field on Friday.

Speaking of fiery, did you hear Ernie Bank's description of Ryne Sandberg's managing style (he's with some single A team?): "He's fiery." After Lou explodes, quits, fires himself, or gets himself traded to the Yankees, look for Ryno to take his place. You heard it here first!

Smiff writing the Yahoo Game Previews?

"Jason Marquis hasn't won in more than a month. Jeff Weaver wishes he was having even that kind of success this season."


Hitting the pitcher to start a rally...that is SO Cub! Throw in an error and walking the unwalkable Jose that's comedy!

Top 6th: Seattle
- J. Burke grounded out to third
- J. Weaver hit by pitch
- I. Suzuki walked, J. Weaver to second
- J. Lopez safe at first on third baseman M. DeRosa's fielding error, J. Weaver scored, I. Suzuki to third, J. Lopez to second
- J. Guillen walked
- R. Ibanez doubled to deep left center, J. Guillen, I. Suzuki and J. Lopez scored
- M. Wuertz relieved J. Marquis
- R. Sexson grounded out to third
- Y. Betancourt grounded out to third
4 runs, 1 hits, 1 errors
Seattle 4, Chi Cubs 3

anudder draft alert for K-Mad

Ovandy Suero went 4-for-4 and stole his 47th base for Single-A Lakeland in the second game of Wednesday's doubleheader.
Suero is batting .304/.382/.325 with 58 steal attempts in 54 games. Still, fantasy leaguers shouldn't get all excited about his speed. He turns 25 this month, so he's a long shot to ever reach the majors. about firing your idiotic manager and idiotic GM instead?

The Dodgers have fired hitting coach Eddie Murray and named Bill Mueller as his interim replacement.
Despite their lack of power, the Dodgers are actually tied for seventh in the NL in runs scored, and we're not sure how it's Murray's fault that James Loney and Matt Kemp weren't up earlier. If the Dodgers simply played their best players and stopped batting Juan Pierre at the top of the order, they might be ranked third or fourth.

And here's a suggestion for you...

...go phokk yourself.

Lies, Damned Lies: The 2008 Chicago White Sox by Nate Silver
Remaking his disappointing club is job one for Kenny Williams. Nate provides some helpful suggestions.

but i bet they had very delicate rotator cuffs

News item: Kick@ss prairie chicken precursor unearthed in China.

"The researchers said the dinosaur, discovered in April 2005, weighed about 1.4 tonnes and lived some 85 million years ago."

In udder werds, da researchers hate God and are wid da tarrists...

phokk 'em -- dey knew da risks

News item: Twenty of the most familiar "backyard birds" in North America have lost more than half their populations in the last four decades

phokk Field Museum and their boy, Charles "I Hate God" Darwin

What does it say about Mister Smarty-Pants Evolution that he married his cousin?

He forgot: "can't watch football."

the squirrels are angry, my friends (cont'd)

Squirrel goes on rampage, injures 3

I didn't think Europeans were as STOOOOOOOOPID as Americans (cont'd)

"As someone who lived under communism for most of his life, I feel obliged to say that I see the biggest threat to freedom, democracy, the market economy and prosperity now in ambitious environmentalism, not in communism. This ideology wants to replace the free and spontaneous evolution of mankind by a sort of central (now global) planning."
-- Vaclav Klaus, RezzzzziDUNCE of the Czech Republic

look who's hating free enterprise today (cont'd)

More silly silly silly silly silliness from the City Council.

Now if the city wanted to build a moat around the city, and charge people to cross it... dat might work...

I didn't think Europeans were as STOOOOOOOOPID as Americans

Oh, wait... dis dombphokk is from Evanston... figgers.

draft alerts

DET LoA Scram, Deik LF ............. 4 2 3 0 .353
LAA LoA Smith, Stantrel CF ......... 6 0 4 1 .236 - G1: CS (3)
LAD AA Hu, Chin-Lung SS ........... 5 2 2 1 .329
DET LoA Ciriaco, Audy SS ........... 5 1 2 0 .207
BAL HiA Spoone, Chorye ........... 7.0 4 3 3 2 9 4.04 - L (4-5)
LAA HiA Butcher, Brok ............. 9.0 6 0 0 1 3 1.81 - W (4-5)
NYM HiA Stoner, Tobi ............. 3.0 6 7 6 2 1 7.20

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

How is K-Mad to blame?

New: CTA station in crosshairs of coffee war


Cubs optioned outfielder Matt Murton to Triple-A Iowa.
Murton had a nice May while playing more than he did in April, but the move to recall Felix Pie left him out in the cold once again and he had fallen into a 1-for-18 slump over the last 16 days. The Cubs either need to find a larger role for him in the coming months or trade him. He certainly doesn't belong in the minors.

Philadelphia 8, Chi White Sox 4

Hey K-Mad, don't hatesez da playaz, hatesez da squirrelzzz.

Expecting to see Ozzie blowing up real good during the post-game.

Can I sue?

SMITH Magazine

"Everyone is a SMITH."

I don't phink so!!!

Ron Paul might sound like a good idea for a Republican...

...BUT he is still a WACKO.

House passes bill to strengthen national background check system for guns after VaTech attack

The only dissenting vote in the short House debate on the bill was voiced by GOP presidential aspirant Ron Paul of Texas. He described the bill as “a flagrantly unconstitutional expansion of restriction on the exercise of the right to bear arms.”

anudder shocker: Repubs more likely to be stooopid

Gallup: Republicans less likely to believe evolution

I agree. Most Republicans have not evolved.
Posted by: San Miguel June 11, 2007 1:53 PM

Fielt Museum wid da tarrists

Defending Darwin
To support evolutionary theory against religious attack, the Field Museum unveils a major Darwin exhibit.

expect delays (cont'd)

CTA delays vote on fare hikes
New: The CTA board postponed a vote on a doomsday plan after officials headed to Springfield to discuss the funding shortfall.
CTA station to close for a year

in SHOCKING K-Mad players' news

A's signed OF Jorge Piedra to a minor league contract and assigned him to Triple-A Sacramento. Piedra was let go by the Rockies last August and got surprisingly little interest considering his solid track record. He's unlikely to get a call-up anytime soon, but you never know with the A's.
The Mets have put Ambiorix Burgos on the disabled list at Triple-A New Orleans. "I've just heard that he has discomfort in his elbow," manager Willie Randolph said. "I hope it's not anything like Tommy John [surgery]." Burgos will test the elbow after giving it a few weeks rest.
Anibal Sanchez, who hasn't been cleared to throw off a mound, will have his right shoulder examined by team doctors this week. Sanchez has complained about shoulder pain since being sent to Triple-A Albuquerque in early May. It is looking less and less like he will be an option for the major league rotation this season.

so he won't be here all week?

6/13 6:43 am Claim Matt Wieters C Bal Drop Donald Veal P Cubs imthetruecorms (Maddogs)

People are Scary

A guy just walked into my office and asked me if I knew what he missed about being in the army. I said no. He said throwing hand grenades and shooting back.

he's getting close

Rich Harden (shoulder, full body rash, ennui, Cyclonic) threw 25 pitches off a simulated mound with soft cushions Tuesday and will pitch a simulated game in a simulated world in an alternate reality in a simulated post- apocalyptic future. Idiot-Titan Manager Bob Geren reiterated his plan to bring Harden out of a simulated bullpen, rather than send him on a rehab assignment in a time machine, before moving him into the starting rotation in a galaxy far, far away and a long, long time ago.

And just when K-Mad was considering it...HOLD ON!

Mormonism bans "hot drinks." Can K-Mad drink his coffee iced? Also, no wine eider. Hey, wait a second, didn't Jesus drink wine? I think so. So the Mormons are against Jesus?? What the fuck.

(Smiff may have had some wine this evening...)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tough One Tonight (cont'd)

Seattle 5, Chi Cubs 3, 13 innings

Hey, K-Mad, Ozzie...CRAM IT!

You lost again to this man, a managerial idiot-titan who can't speak English (i don't what dat is, but it ain't English), eats squirrels, wears an adult diaper, and has the mental dexterity of small soap dish. So, it's official: YOU SUCK!

Chi White Sox 3
Philadelphia 7

Yahoo Sports: Retarded?

Bot 1st: Kansas City
- J. Edmonds tripled to left, M. Grudzielanek scored
- J. Edmonds singled to left, M. Sweeney and M. Teahen scored, A. Gordon to second
- J. Edmonds doubled to left, E. German and A. Gordon scored, J. LaRue to third advancing on throw
Bot 2nd: Kansas City
- J. Edmonds singled to right, M. Teahen scored, M. Sweeney to third
- J. Edmonds singled to left, M. Sweeney scored, A. Gordon to second
Bot 3rd: Kansas City
- J. Edmonds singled to right, M. Grudzielanek scored

This is NOT the plot to "Knocked Up."

A 17-year-old foster girl living with a relative of Elijah Dukes told police the Devil Rays outfielder got her pregnant.
The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators. Dukes is already known to have had at least five children with four different women. This is yet another incident that could add to the Rays' desire to ship him out of town.

a present for Smiff

what's a notch below "calamity?"


dis is what interleague play is all about

Dopey Cubs fanz thinking they're going to see Jr. Griffey and A-Rod...

Chi Cubs
8:05pm ET

dats da White Sox?

No wonder dey suck:
T. Iguchi 2B 0-0 (leadoff?)
A. Gonzalez LF 0-0 (who?)
P. Konerko 1B 0-0
J. Dye RF 0-0
J. Uribe SS 0-0 (batting 5th?)
L. Terrero CF 0-0 (who?)
J. Fields 3B 0-0 (who?)
T. Hall C 0-0 (who?)
J. Contreras P 0-0

What is America searching?

Today's Top Searches
LOL Cats [...uh...any phokking clue???]
Chicago Cubs [...ditto...]
David Hyde Pierce
Fantasy Auto Racing
The Heartbreak Kid Movie
Beef Recall 2007
Famous Poets
Finding Nemo...

too bad we already have plans dat night

K-Mad and I could have worn our "Decker Hatesez Will Carroll" t-shirts and dumped a beer over his head...

It's another Baseball Prospectus Ballpark Feed, and this time we're in our nation's capital on June 23rd. Come hear Christina Kahrl, Will Carroll, Steven Goldman, and Marc Normandin join Stan Kasten for a conversation about the game, and then stay for interleague action between the Nationals and the Indians. Seating is limited (~100), so act now. Tickets are $20 each, which includes: an upper view box seat, a food voucher good at any RFK concession stand, and pregame entry to the meeting room session with Kasten and the BP crew. The meeting starts at 5:00 pm sharp, so meet at Gate F at 4:30 pm; it will run for about an hour.

sounds like a Cyclone...

Rowdy Hardy allowed two hits over seven scoreless innings Monday to improve to 7-1 for Single-A Wilmington.
Hardy, 24, has a 1.62 ERA and a 47/7 K/BB ratio in 72 1/3 innings this season. He's quite a long shot to be a successful starter in the majors, but he'll earn a look someday if his command leads to strong results in the upper minors. Frankly, we'd by much higher on him if Rowdy happened to be his given name. He's actually Lenny Franklin Hardy.

Oh dere are mini-sKILLy's running around scaring everyone.

Bogus tips vex meteorologists
50 phony sightings of storms

Forecasters in Illinois and Wisconsin spent days checking out phony weather reports this spring after a weather-savvy person submitted more than 50 fake sightings to a National Weather Service Web site that meteorologists use to track severe weather. Over a six-week period this spring, someone filed reports, sometimes several in one day, describing felled trees, hail and tornadoes that never occurred....

Smiff hanging in a thread

After a month's reprieve, heat is on

70-degree day expected for first time in a month

If Smiff had a rocket launcher, some sonofabitch would die.

Poachers kill one of last two white rhinos in Zambia

apparently done MovingOn, now they want to MoveIn

Dear Kevin,

As far as Earth's climate is concerned, 7/7/07 may be the most significant day since the discovery of oil. (Pssshaw... when we run out of oil, God can make more dinosaurs for us. DAT will be a glorious day...) On seven continents, millions of people will gather for Al Gore's Live Earth concerts to stop the climate crisis. Can you host a party that night for folks in Chicago?

We want MoveOn members everywhere to have front row seats for this historic event, so we're throwing a "Party for the Planet." We'll hear a special message from Al Gore, tune in to the concerts, and see the presidential candidates answering your questions on the climate crisis.

We'll invite the guests — all you need is a TV, a DVD player, and a space where people can gather. Can you share your living room on Saturday evening, July 7th and be part of Live Earth?

Here's what we've got planned for the evening:

We'll kick off on 7/7/07 at 7 p.m. with a barbeque or potluck with other interested folks from your neighborhood. (Sea bass?)
Then, we'll watch a special message from Al Gore. (Will he issue a surrender statement?)

We'll see a sneak preview of the presidential candidates answering MoveOn members' questions on global warming — part of our Virtual Town Hall on Climate.

At 8, we'll tune in to the concerts on NBC with The Police, Madonna, Dave Matthews, The Beastie Boys, and millions of other human beings.

Afterwards we'll head home, energized and connected, to work on a set of specific next steps — starting with our online vote on the candidate with the best climate plan.

Hosting is easy — and folks always tell us they're happy they did it! We'll invite the people. All you need is a TV that gets NBC, a DVD player, and a place where folks can hang out: a living room, a backyard, a bar, or a coffeehouse. (What am I, Hugh Hefner allofasudden?)

Thank you for all you do. (Phokk off... I ain't doin nuttin...)

Ilyse, Noah, Justin, Jennifer, and the Political Action Team
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

apparently my intimate knowledge of the details of the Paris Hilton tragedy means nothing to these philistines

Internet, Cable Fail to Increase Knowledge of Current Affairs
Americans' knowledge of national and international affairs has changed little in two decades despite the emergence of 24-hour cable news and the Internet as major news sources.

Bush Division Update

The Bush Division records over the last 30 games:
St. Louis: 15-15
Chicago: 11-19
Houston: 11-19
Milwaukee: 11-19
Pittsburgh: 11-19
Cincy: 11-19

just askin... are we living in Russia? (cont'd)

Politics Keeps Scholars Out of U.S., Critics Say
Withholding visas is said to endanger America's intellectual freedom

By BURTON BOLLAG (not his real name)

For nine months, Riyadh Lafta, an Iraqi professor of medicine, tried to get a visa to visit the University of Washington, where he had been invited to share his research on the unusually high rates of cancer among children in southern Iraq.

But by last March, with no visa forthcoming, the American institution came up with an alternative plan. Mr. Lafta would deliver his lecture at Simon Fraser University, in Vancouver, British Columbia, and it would be broadcast by video to a public meeting long planned for the purpose at Washington.

The day before his mid-April flight, however, the British consulate in Amman, Jordan, turned down his request for a transit visa to change planes at London's Heathrow Airport. So Mr. Lafta, a faculty member at Baghdad's Al-Mustansiriya University, had to make the long and dangerous trip back to the Iraqi capital (in udder werds, go phokk yerseff, Mister Smartypants Islamofascist...)

His American research partners say they think they know why he never received a U.S. visa: The Iraqi was one of the principal authors of an October 2006 study published in the British medical journal The Lancet that controversially estimated that more than 650,000 Iraqis — far more than officially reported — had died as a result of the American-led invasion (in udder werds he should be happy he's not in Gitmo and shut da phokk up).

Academic and civil-liberties groups say Mr. Lafta's case is troubling, but not unique. They assert that during the last year or so the Bush administration has increased its use of heightened security measures, introduced after the 2001 terrorist attacks, to keep out foreign scholars whose politics or ideas it does not like. In such cases the government does not give reasons for denying a visa, making it nearly impossible to challenge the decision, academic advocates say. (Here's your reason: go phokk yourself {I thought we covered that already.})

"Each new case seems to underscore the doubts that the administration has any justifiable security basis" to exclude the scholars, says Jonathan Knight, director of the program on academic freedom and tenure at the American Association of University Professors. (Here's your justifiable security basis: people wid funny names, people who look fishy, people who dress funmy, people who don't agree wid da RezzziDUNCE {in udder wereds, wid da tarrists}...)

The pattern not only hurts the scholars in question, but also damages America's reputation for academic freedom, those groups say. Some academic associations have felt forced to move their meetings to Canada to ensure that members from other countries can attend. They also report that the United States has become a less appealing destination for foreign scholars. (Deres too many phokkin smartypants brainiacs in dis country already -- what we need are more dimwitz {see: elections of 2004, 2000; everything else.})

"There are many people who simply don't think of teaching or attending a conference in the United States because they don't want to put up with the humiliation of the visa process," says Barbara Weinstein, president of the 14,000-member American Historical Association. (In udder werds, da system works.)

Official Denial

When U.S. State Department officials were asked about Mr. Lafta's case, they denied that the government had intentionally kept the Iraqi professor out, saying they had simply been unable to reach him when his visa was ready last fall. His American colleagues find that explanation implausible, saying they contacted U.S. visa officials several times on Mr. Lafta's behalf without success. (Dere dey go again, trying to let dere smartypants brainiac "facts" interfere with some perfectly implausible bulls#i+.)

The State Department, which is responsible for issuing visas, declined requests for an interview for this article. (Shocking) But in an e-mail message, a department official who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to speak about this issue said that while the government considers such factors as national security and foreign policy, no one had been denied a visa "due to any expression of the applicant's views." (Repeat until brainwashed.)

Scholars who may have been barred recently because of their politics include Adam Habib, a prominent South African political scientist, and Yoannis Milios, a left-wing Greek political economist. Both had their visas revoked when they arrived at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York for academic meetings, and both say they were questioned about their political views before being put on flights back to their own countries. (Is same in MY country!)

Other scientists and social-science professors from a variety of countries, including Bolivia, Canada, and Switzerland, have been barred from attending academic conferences or taking teaching positions in the United States. Many of the scholars were frequent visitors to the United States before suddenly being declared undesirable. There appears to have been a de facto ban on most scholars from Cuba for the last three years. (When you come right down to it, really, aren't all foreigners undesirable? Even when they try to speak English, it's not like you can understand a word they say.)

Academic associations have issued protests in about a dozen cases. The groups say that since the government does not release figures (shocking), it is hard to know the true number of scholars who have been kept out.

Challenging the Government

In two or three cases, U.S. officials made vague references to a security threat. (I suppose the Surrendercrats would prefer that we make explicit references to security threats so da tarrists know everything we know.) But to the frustration of the scholars' supporters, the government has typically not provided any reasons for keeping the scholars out. Critics, however, believe the issue is politics, not security.

"Because it is draped in secrecy," says Melissa Goodman, a staff lawyer with the American Civil Liberties Union, "they get to keep out people whose views they don't want [American] people to hear." (And the American people don't want to hear them either... sounds like a win-win...)

The secrecy also makes it all but impossible to challenge exclusions that appear to be simple mistakes, say academic advocates. For example, Nalini Ghuman, a British citizen who has lived for the last 10 years in the United States and is an assistant professor of music at Mills College, was sent back to Britain last August, eight hours after she returned from a research visit there. She and her college are convinced that her visa was canceled mistakenly, but they have been unable to get any explanation from U.S. authorities. (If you want to make a xenophobia omelet, sometimes you have to break a few eggs of inscrutably idiotic bureaucracy.)

"We're sort of flummoxed" (datz a big word dere Poindexter), says Robert F. Judd, executive director of the American Musicological Society (is dat a disease?), which recently issued a public appeal on Ms. Ghuman's behalf. "We don't know how to deal with this." (I guess da Rezz might be smarter den you phokkin brainiacs after all den...)
The Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, one-third of whose 370,000 members live outside the United States, now regularly holds some committee meetings in Canada to ensure that all members can attend. Chris J. Brantley, the group's managing director, says this step is still needed even though fewer of his members have been denied visas in the last two years. (Cool... maybe one day, all of da world's best engineers will hate America, and den we can truly declare victory in da war on tairrrrrrrrrrr...)

Fightins on cover of the New York Fucking Times

Cubs sucking? Mere child's play...

| June 12, 2007
Milestone Marks What Phillies Fans Already Knew
The Philadelphia Phillies have lost more games than any professional franchise in any sport and are fast approaching their 10,000th loss.

Gene Mauch about to make a bad decision...

Can we export him?

News Item: Bush revered by Albanians

Monday, June 11, 2007

Da Monks are angry, my friends... an old man trying to return soup at a deli:

6-0: @5 11-3, @5 5-1, 13 2-1, 13 13-2, @6 9-3, @6 6-3.

They were spinning wheels the last month as injuries struck, but no one (CQs) stood up and took advantage. Now the CQs finally have a winning week, and they still drop two games in the standings.

Two wins there by David Fatty Wells...people scoffed and laughed when i took him. Has Smiff finally lost it, they said. Sorry, HATERS, not dis time!

My diagnosis: Acute K-Maditis

Ambiorix Burgos has been shut down at Triple-A New Orleans with a sore right elbow. Mets manager Willie Randolph said tests were run but there’s no diagnosis yet.

It's Official: Smiff is a Genius

Ibanez has also doubled and tripled tonight...

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

Burger King adds Hawaii comfort-food Spam to menu

Burger King is offering the Spam Platter — two slices of Spam nestled between white rice and scrambled eggs. The fast-food giant also offers the Croissanwich or Biscuit Sandwich with Spam.
There are also more varieties of Spam sold in Hawaii than anywhere else. There's Spam Garlic, Spam Bacon, Spam with Cheese, Spam with Tabasco, Spam Turkey and Spam Lite, which featured less sodium and less fat.

Battle of the Idiot-Titan Managers

Chi White Sox 0
Philadelphia 3

Round One goes to Chollie "I heart squirrels" Manuel. The much-maligned Adam Awful Eaton gets his 7th win. Take dat, HATERS (Decker). The ChiSox offense was truly offensive once again. Over/Under on when Ozzie will fire himself?

HACKING MASSers crying everywhere

Eric Milton will undergo Tommy John surgery Friday and miss the rest of the season.
Milton is in the final season of his three-year, $25.5 million contract and it's hard to imagine him returning to Cincinnati, so his Reds career ends at 16-27 with a 5.83 ERA in 66 starts.

Yankees SUCKING now affecting library research

The H.W. Wilson databases are unavailable because the local network is down. Construction workers building the new stadium for the New York Yankees inadvertently cut through the fiber optic cable. Verison is working on correcting the problem but has no estimate of when access to the WilsonWeb databases will be restored. We will send another CDL Alert when the databases are again available or when we have further information.

Whoever did this should be sentenced for life in front of a firing squad.

Endangered sea bass shot with spear dies
LA JOLLA: An endangered giant black sea bass was found impaled with a spear off the coast of Windansea Beach yesterday, officials said. Authorities are looking for a spear fisherman who may have shot the 150-pound fish, San Diego Lifeguard Service Lt. Andy Lerum said. Lifeguards found the fish floating about 75 yards offshore about 2:30 p.m., Lerum said, and contacted state officials for advice on how to keep the fish alive. The bass died and the spear was removed for evidence, Lerum said. Officials estimated that the sea bass, which is a protected species, was about 15 to 20 years old. It is illegal to take the fish, punishable by a $2,000 fine. In 2005, authorities charged three men with illegally fishing in La Jolla's underwater preserve after one shot a 171-pound sea bass.

Smiff: Genius or Genius?

So i picked up Raul Ibanez in my public league since the schedule was light and my OF sucks. Coming in today he only 2 homers all year. Through 4 innings tonight that total has doubled.

just askin'...Are we living in Russia?

Student arrested for humorous sign aimed at Religious Protesters.

Hmmm, i thought Republicans hated unions... Dikka wants his to do something? I say, da players knew da risks, let 'em crash.

Ditka back on the attack
Among the former Bears coach's targets are the NFL Players Union and ex-Bear Dave Duerson.

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

Potbelly Sandwich Works will begin selling Starbucks coffee and adding breakfast at additional stores on Monday as it expands in one of the most competitive areas of the restaurant industry.

K-Mad Kills (kont'd)

Devil Rays optioned RHP Chad Orvella to Triple-A Durham.
Orvella had been scored upon in seven straight appearances, making it hard to believe he lasted as long as he did. Still exhibiting very little in the way of command, he gave up 16 runs -- 13 earned -- in eight innings.

Back in Double-A, Greg Miller walked four and gave up a hit to the other batter he faced in his relief appearance Sunday.
Miller got off to a pretty good start at Triple-A Las Vegas despite a high walk total, but he completely lost control of the strike zone last month and the Dodgers had little choice but to demote him. Since he's just 22, the team will show plenty of patience in trying to get him turned around.

Ben Johnson is expected to be sent to Triple-A New Orleans on Monday when the Mets activate Shawn Green from the disabled list.
Johnson hit .185 in 27 at-bats during his nine games with the Mets. He will be back later in the season.


Edgar Renteria is a piece of shit dirty ballplayer, and Jim Wolf is the biggest fucking retarded umpire in baseball with whoever the second base ump was last night a close second.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Incredibly SHOCKING!!!

Joe Table's line today:

1.1 IP
1 H
1 BB
2 R
2 ER
2 wild pitches
Still sucks.

maybe his brain is about to explode

Dustin Pedroia was scheduled to be examined by a Diamondbacks doctor to address why he keeps suffering nosebleeds, including one just before Friday's game.

good phing i toad Smiff to draft him

Rookie Sonnanstine records first win

a message for whoever buys the Cubs

1. you knew da risks
2. maybe you should look inta dis kid

funny...well, nice knowing ya

After throwing 114 pitches in his major league debut Friday, Homer Bailey said his legs and back were sore, but his arm felt fine.
He is scheduled to start against the Angels on Thursday afternoon at Great American Ball Park. Bartolo Colon is scheduled to start for the Angels. "The guy is 21 years old," manager Jerry Narron said. "He has a chance to really be special. It's all a matter now of continuing to improve."

more idiocy in K.C.

Zack Greinke, who has been clocked in the upper-90's lately, is now Octavio Dotel's primary backup as the Royals closer.
Rookie Joakim Soria replaced an injured Dotel as the club’s closer earlier this season, but Greinke has surpassed him. "Could he be a closer? Absolutely," said manager Buddy Bell. "He has the stuff to do that. Right now, we’re still thinking more of putting him back in the rotation — at some point. It might not be this year."

Uh...WHY?????? You're the Kansas City Royals and you're going NOWHERE this year. If this team has any future, Greinke needs to be in the rotation NOW, you idiot.