Saturday, January 12, 2008

Another Thing I Hate: The L Train

To content myself until the next time Will Carroll has a chat, I include my complaint letter to the MTA:

Discussion Thread
Customer (a decker) - 01/12/2008 02:45 AM
It took an hour and a half to get from First Avenue to Nassau tonight.

And this is after sitting around and having to let trains go four of five mornings this week because they were too crowded to get on. One day I had to let two trains go by before I could get on one. Which is better than one of the days last week when I had to let three go by. I leave with a forty-five minute cushion between when I should get to work and when I could logically expect to if the L train doesn't suck but isn't ideal. Twice in the last couple weeks I've walked in right at the time I was due in - that means the L train was running forty-five minutes slower than I could logically expect it to, during rush hour, in terms of actually being able to get on and get to work. One time, I have to admit, it wasn't the train's fault - I waited for a bus in Greenpoint (ha haha - I
mean I should know better to do that - faster to walk the 22 minutes pretty much everyday - but that's another matter).

I really don't think you guys know what you're doing.

Everyday it amazes me that I have no choice but to pay for service that is infuriating, uncomfortable and inconvenient. Seriously, why am I paying $76 a month for this? Why?

Why is it that if I try to travel anywhere when it's not rush hour the G train is closed, the L train is running on one track on no tracks or just kind of showing up and running in seven sections and it's all the time. The damn thing never works. And then when it does work, you run three trains one right after the other and then one doesn't run for ten minutes...and the things are so crowded - try getting on one of those trains.

The tipping point was tonight - I didn't want to complain - I know you guys have a tough job - but the inferior quality of service is to such a dismal low that it needs to be commented on. You are not doing a good job. I sometimes wonder if you are doing what you claim to do at all - that is, transport New York City with any kind of economy and skill.

I love New York, and when I move eventually, I will miss it terribly, I will content myself with the fact that I do not have to think about the L train everyday.'

Dear L line customer:

As your new line general manager, you have my commitment to improve your ride with us. Your comments are important to me in reaching that goal, and I thank you for writing. Please know that I will review each e-mail personally, and contact you if I need more information. The line general manager program is a new concept, and I look forward to your support in making it a success.

Greg Lombardi

Response to the Response
Dear Greg,

What would you like me to do to help make it a success? Would you like me to get down there and dig? At this point, I would.

One day, I will wake up, George Bush will have announced that he's voluntarily committing himself to a war crimes tribunal and the news will have an additional report that former Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney was attacked by a mob of angry college students who covered him with fake blood and bacon grease, afterwards he will apologize for his actions and say the only way he can expiate himself is through hari kari, a foreign concept, but a just one; President Anjelica Huston will announce that the $750 billion package to reinvigorate troubled schools is appearing to have effect with the information not coming from test scores, but from where actual students attend college and graduate from college; corporations will be running scared from upstart independent competition which is not limited by a corrupt and evil tax code and the Chicago Cubs, under manager Greg Maddux and bench coach Ryne Sandberg, will be celebrating Ron Santo Day just before game seven of the World Series against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (which they will win 3-1 on a two run bases clearing double in the 8th by pinch hitter Carlos Zambrano - Ron Santo, silent on the microphone will worry some viewers until some five minutes later, he says softly that this is the most beautiful moment of his life, full of exactly the meaning he thought it would be - he will thank his parents and Kenny Hubbs, he will be surrounded by his former roommate, Glenn Beckert, Randy Hundley and Billy Williams in the booth - Ernie Banks will be in the left field bleachers, not with frat boy assholes, but regular fans - since the costs of the seat will not be so much as to require a trust fund), and on that day, Greg, earlier in the morning, on my way to the airport so I can get back to Chicago in time to make the game, I will take the L Train into the city really quick so I can buy my friend Corms a few books from the Strand. The train will show up after a brisk three minute wait. It will not be crowded. The seats will be filled, but I will gladly stand and nod to the other commuters. We will all be relaxed. Instead of Digitized Person announcing that the next stop is First Avenue in this Manhattan Bound L Train, the cool tones of Willie Nelson will give me that information. I will chuckle. Last week I was told quickly and without excessive length or volume of where I was going and in what direction by the comforting and inspirational voice of Al Green. Sometimes at bars we will discuss the relief we feel now that Digitized Person has been retired.

What I found so aggravating about all this, is the part that is least likely to happen, is what happened on the L train. Which, when empty at the depot, will still smell faintly of urine.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

William the Bloody "I See Dead People" Kristol: A History of Wrongness

An Asshole (non politics related)

While reading the Daily News over dinner tonight at the very shishi Manhattan eatery, Subway (12th and 4th for all you dying to find the latest hot spot), I came across and wanted to share this gem of assholishness from the ever-dependable Hank "Dick" Steinbrenner:

Reggie Jackson shows Yankee support for Goose Gossage


Thursday, January 10th 2008, 4:00 AM

Reggie Jackson happened to be in town and stopped in to offer his congratulations to old teammate Goose Gossage on Wednesday for making the Hall of Fame on Tuesday.

From the Yankees' standpoint, that was apparently the best they could do, although a team spokesman did say they are paying Gossage's expenses to the Baseball Writers Association of America dinner here on Jan.27. With one of their own being elected to the Hall and so much being made about him going in with a Yankee cap, not a single high-profile member of the Yankees organization attended the press conference, nor did any of the higher-ups from the public relations or promotions departments.

But Hank Steinbrenner made it clear Wednesday that he feels Gossage is an all-time Yankee.

"No matter what other teams he played for, Goose is a Yankee, so that's obviously the correct decision," the Yanks senior VP said yesterday via phone from Florida. "Going into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee, let's face it, is a bigger deal than going in with any other team. Just like winning a championship. I'm sure he's pleased and obviously I'm very pleased and my family's very pleased. He was an incredible pitcher and is very deserving."

Steinbrenner added that he's only "run across Goose a couple of times" through the years, but relayed a close-to-home tale involving Gossage from spring training last year.

"My son is only 11 years old, but he knows his stuff. When he was introduced to Goose last year, he just lit up. He couldn't believe he was getting his picture taken with Goose Gossage," Steinbrenner said. "He's 11. Most kids would want a picture with one of the present players, Jeter or someone. But he's seen all the 'Yankeeographies' and knows all the history. And he knew Goose.

"That's how much (Gossage) means to Yankee history and how much he means to our family."

Dis is gettin ridiculus

Gov. holds up transit funding

Gov. Rod Blagojevich said he wouldn't go along until lawmakers agreed with his requirement to provide free bus and train rides for the state's senior citizens.

OK, so the problem we have is that there's not enuff money. So the CTA gets more money, but then certain people get to ride for free? WTF?

Fatal Blow

Kerry Endorses Obama

This should suck the air out...

Who is the biggest @$$HOLE Republican running?

Smiff ranks 'em:

1) Fred Thompson - I really HATE this asshole. Every time he opens his mouth i want to pound his face into a bloody pulp.
2) 9/11 - He's got his own t-shirt.
3) Mitt Romney - Seems the most hated by the other candidates, and if the other assholes hate you most - that should tell us something. And his real first name is Willard.
4) John McCain - He's old and ornery. I can see it, "You damn kids, get off my property!"
5) Ron Paul - Appears rather non-offensive, but did anyone see the sickening racist comments in the newsletter he used to publish? Even though it was HIS newsletter, he said he didn't write that stuff. Or edit it out, apparently...
6) Mike Huckabee - Seems almost human for a Repoop.

If i included non-factors Duncan Hunter and Alan Keyes, it would be a three-way tussle for 3rd place with Mutt. Unfortunely, you don't see enough of these two clowns to truly measure how big of assholes they are.

"Nueve Once" ... "Nueve ... Once" ... "Nueve ..... er ..... oh, yeah ... Once" ... "Nine Eleven" ... "Excuse me - Nueve Once ..." "Septiembre Once!"

Giuliani Says Immigrants Must Speak English, Airs Political Ad In Spanish

Maddow: “How do you say hypocrite in Spanish?”

Who said it?

When asked to comment on Hillary Clinton’s show of emotion just before the NH primary:

I think everybody is their own person and they have to be their own person and this is not something that I would judge anybody on, one way or the other. And the reality is, if you’ll look at me, September 11, the funerals…the memorial services…there were times it was just impossible…not to feel…not to feel…not to feel the emotion.

1) Rudy Giuliani
2) Rudy Giuliani
3) Rudy Giuliani
4) Rudy Giuliani
5) All of the above.

still an idiot

John Zogby--K-Mad's boy--tonight on The Daily Show: "I don't know." I guess that's a slight improvement on 2004 when he picked Kerry.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Baseball writers are the most myopic group of morons to ever walk to earth.

This is a constant. It is a fact which hasn't changed over time. This week they completely ignored Tim Raines and Alan Trammell (again). Bert Blyleven is still waiting. And, of course, there is Ron Santo. We all know about that injustice.

Was is it any better 30+ years ago? It took Eddie Mathews five years to get in. When he retired he was the greatest 3rd baseman of all time, and only Schmidt and Brett have passed him since (and i'm not sure Brett was better). But that wasn't good enough for many brainless baseball writers.

How about this one: in 1956 Hank Greenberg was elected after NINE YEARS* on the ballot. When he retired only 4 hitters had a higher career OPS: Ruth, Williams, Gehrig, Foxx. Only two hitters have passed him since: Bonds and Pujols. He missed about 4 seasons because of WWII. And while he retired when he was 36, it wasn't because of ineffectiveness. He had the 9th best OPS in the NL that year. He's a slam dunk, first ballot guy and it ain't even close.

In 1937, Cy Young only got 76% of the vote. Gee, isn't there a pitching award or something named after him?

Why are baseball writers so fucking stupid? The Veterans' Committee sucks, too. And if fans had their way, Steve Garvey or Don Mattingly would get in, or some shit.

Therefore, the four of us should decide (Fung can vote for cricket). Three votes gets you in.

*So says Jayson Stark. I'm not sure he's right though. If there was a 5-year waiting period then Greenberg spent 4 years on the ballot. Has there been a 5-year waiting period since the beginning? Corms?

If Smiff Reconsiders...

...then this would have been the perfect car for him. Except, of course, it's already been sold...

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

Oh, Whitey (cont)

Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman apologizes to Tiger Woods for 'lynch' comment

Golf Channel anchor Kelly Tilghman has apologized after saying during Friday's telecast of the PGA Tour's opening event that today's young players should "lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley."

Once again, whiteys pounce on annudder whitey and say "Look, we're not racist coz we're yelling at the racist." Which would be fine if she were a racist, and not someone who just said something dumb.

If we're all gonna get so riled up every time someone says lynch, then we should just ban the word and be done wif it.

huge dump taken at the United Center

New York 105
Chicago 100

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Clinton tears

Not to be confused with crocodile tears.

Somewhere, let the goddamn cartelists light their cigars and congratulate each other. One of them won in New Hampshire.

Put it this way, if Rupert Murdoch were to vote in the next election, he would pick Hillary over two of the top three Refucklicans running...

But goddamn, she can do exactly what the pollsters tell her...

there is no one cooler than Quincy

Jack Klugman still bringing it...

It appears voters in New Hampshire finally realized...

...hey, that's a black guy!

Things That Continue to Suck

Big 10 football. Please, no more Fuckeyes in the championship game. Let's see, they didn't play one team (before yesterday) with fewer than 4 losses. They played a bunch of cupcakes out of conference (all you need to know is two of them were MAC teams). They lost to Illinois at home. (Like Ohio State, Illinois was crushed in their bowl game.) Seeing as they were blown out last year, it's no surprise (with an even lesser quality team) they were blown out this year.

Speaking of awful... in case you missed it, a MAC team (Blowing Green) lost 63-7 in their bowl game. And they lost to TULSA! It was the largest margin of victory in bowl history, topping Alabama's 61-6 win over Syracuse in the 1953 Orange Bowl (who could forget dat one?).

And you know there are at least twice as many bowl games than there should be when the Big 10 are in eight of them and the MAC are in three of them. And they were a combined 3-8.

Dumbya is an @$$hole: Example #4,156

from His Days Are Numbered: George W. Bush Countdown 2008 Calendar (378 days to go!)

Shades of Disdain
At a press conference in the White House Rose Garden in June 2006, Bush took issue with the sunglasses worn by Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten. "For the viewers," the president said to the TV cameras, "there's no sun." Though apparently difficult for Bush to imagine, Wallsten--who ignored the president's comment--wasn't wearing shades to be cool; he was wearing them to protect his eyes, which suffer from a degenerative eye disease.

The latest American innovation:

a wallet that looks like bacon!

funny stuff...

Shawon Dunston and Todd Stottlemyre both got one vote for the HoF.

2008 Baseball Hall of Fame Voting
Rich "Goose" Gossage was elected Tuesday to the National Baseball Hall of Fame. The following are the results of the balloting with 406 of the 543 votes (75 percent) required for

Name Ballots received Percentage
---- ---------------- ----------
Rich Gossage 466 85.8
Jim Rice 392 72.2
Andre Dawson 358 65.9
Bert Blyleven 336 61.9
Lee Smith 235 43.3
Jack Morris 233 42.9
Tommy John 158 29.1
Tim Raines 132 24.3
Mark McGwire 128 23.6
Alan Trammell 99 18.2
Dave Concepcion 88 16.2
Don Mattingly 86 15.8
Dave Parker 82 15.1
Dale Murphy 75 13.8
Harold Baines 28 5.2
Rod Beck 2 0.4
Travis Fryman 2 0.4
Robb Nen 2 0.4
Shawon Dunston 1 0.2
Chuck Finley 1 0.2
David Justice 1 0.2
Chuck Knoblauch 1 0.2
Todd Stottlemyre 1 0.2
Jose Rijo 0 0.0
Brady Anderson 0 0.0

maybe they'll grow gills

Feds delay decision on declaring polar bears endangered species

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Federal officials said Monday that they will need a few more weeks to decide whether polar bears need protection under the Endangered Species Act because of global warming.

Nope, no seal meat for yas eider...

Monday, January 7, 2008

Barack is beating everybody, even ZZ Top

Today's Top Searches
Barack Obama
ZZ Top
Kumari Fulbright
The Wind in the Willows
One Missed Call
Mike Huckabee
Prince William
David Wright
New Hampshire Polls

world's dumbest career move

June Jones leaving Hawaii to coach SMU, agent says

Decadent Westerners (cont)

Beyond regifting, now it's ungifting

So, lemme get this straight. We had this event we called "Christmas", which celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. Then we added this gift giving thing, because, well, Jesus got gifts when he was born, so we should give gifts too. Which is fine I guess, nothing wrong with that really.

Then we all went bonkers and decided we should turn it into an orgy of purchasing gifts for every single person you ever knew and all the people those people know. I mean, what happened to buying a gift for everyone in your immediate family (0r maybe just for the people you'll be spending Christmas with) and everyone else gets a card (if you even do that)? How can you possibly know what 200 different people will want? That's why people get i-tunes gift certificates for people without iPods.

And, of course, instead of discussing the real problem, which is why do we get so many gifts and/or why can't we devise a way to make sure we get people what they want (gift lists anyone?) we discuss how to get rid of the crap we got that we don't like. Which we never do, so we need bigger houses and bigger cars to keep it all. Speaking of which, why would you buy a car for someone else for Christmas?

Upping the Ante

I remember the days when there was silence on the bus to work. Bliss! You could sit there and stare out the window (when they cleaned them) and just daydream on the way to work. Then they decided to put in a voice announcement system. Not a bad idea, good for those tourists so they know (approximately) where they are, and for those who can still daydream so they can be reminded to get off.

Little did we know. They then added little reminder messages to the loop. "Don't lean against the door." "Don't eat, drink or play your radio loudly." "Don't reveal your whole life story to the bus while talking on your cell phone." And so on. Then more major announcements. "We're fixing the brown line up, so expect delays." Last week, it was all about how they will have to cut back service and increase fares on January 20 if they don't get more money. Today, they upped the ante. You're just sitting there, thinking "Ach, this announcement again." And then, they slipped in, "If additional funding is not secured, this bus route will be eliminated."

The CTA have their own propaganda machine. And they're using it. To no effect. So I'm supposed to call Springfield and tell them how important mass transit is to me? Somehow my call will make them fix it? I just love how one part of goverment wants me to do their dirty work so another part of government will give them what they want. What's needed here is (gasp!) competition.

The CTA sucks because they're the only game in town and there are no threats to them. So they can squander money then ask for more. Of course, we all realised that and so we cut back deliberately on how much we gave them to force them to shape up. BUT THEY HAVE NO INCENTIVE TO SHAPE UP! So the government will keep arguing with itself, and we'll all get the shaft. So break up the monopoly! Let others compete to transport me to where I want to go! If we want the problem solved, that's what we should ask for, not for the money pit to get more money poured down it. (Briggs will be so proud...)

Oh, and to the CTA, perhaps your next message should include "If additional funding is not secured, your current bus driver will be fired."

Sunday, January 6, 2008