Saturday, August 18, 2007

Friday, August 17, 2007

OMFG, get your copy today!

West Coast beer snobs RIP a Midwest staple...

From San Diego's awfulest (and only) "newspaper":

PINT OF THE WEEK: Berghoff Original Lager Beer, Monroe, Wis.

WHY WE WANTED TO LIKE IT: For 105 years, locals and tourists flocked to Chicago's Berghoff for inexpensive but scrumptious wiener schnitzel, efficient but snooty waiters and fresh beer. The place closed in 2005, and it is sorely missed.

WHAT WE RELUCTANTLY CONCLUDED: Nostalgia – in this case, anyway – blows. Wisconsin's Joseph Huber Co. now produces a whole family of Berghoff beers, so I'm hoping that the lager is the unloved and ignored stepchild. A bland and by-the-numbers effort, it's the brewing equivalent of a test pattern.

WHERE WE BOUGHT IT: Beverages & More!, as if that matters. You can buy better beer almost anywhere.

RATING: 1 bottle

Note: Beers are rated from 0 to 5 bottles, with 5 being best, 0 being urine.

annudder smartass Smiff

Metra board blasts Springfield inaction

Showing near-palpable disgust, Metra board members Friday blasted Springfield’s inability to pass a funding plan for the region’s cash-strapped public transit agencies.

Barbed comments represent a sharp departure from local public transit officials' oft-repeated mantra that they remained optimistic that the governor and the General Assembly would reach agreement on a long-term funding plan for suburban commuter rail service Metra, urban transit agency Chicago Transit Authority and suburban bus system Pace. Together, the agencies face a combined 2007 operating budget shortfall of more than $200 million.

"It’s time to start looking at reality," said board member Jack Schaffer. "The reality may be that Springfield accomplishes nothing."

As the Legislature and Gov. Rod Blagojevich have been locked in a months-long budget battle, a plan to fund public transit in the Chicago area by raising local sales taxes and Chicago real estate transfer taxes has stalled in a House committee.

"I wouldn’t show any confidence in this piece of legislation going through," said board member Michael Smiff.

Noting that the funding plan hasn't even gotten out of the House's Transportation Committee, Mr. Smiff remarked, "Really, it's gotten nowhere," another break from transit leaders' past assertions that progress was being made. "And that's state government? My phokking @ss," he added.
from Crain's ... edited for humor

Get the Smiff Pics Out

Norton 360 Emoticon Picture Contest

Tony La Russa is smarter than you

Pitcher Braden Looper batting 8th today...

K-Mad is, in fact, alive

"I'll plan to put in an appearance over the weekend. The work shit is
really getting to me, but things might be starting to shape up a little.
Forecast is for another 12 days or so of continued suckiness.

Come to think of it, there is one saracstic thing you can add:

News item: The Air Force is developing a "hypersonic" engine to fly
bombs at more than 4,000 mph. Other missiles go around 550 mph.,CST-NWS-miss16.article

What could possibly go wrong? You may tag this under "s#i+ blowing up."

Good to know that I am being missed..."

just in time for the Chukar Cherries playoff push...

Multiple sources report that the Tigers will call up top prospect Cameron Maybin prior to Friday's game against the Yankees. General manager Dave Dombrowski said last week that Maybin would not play in the majors this season, but both the Detroit Free Press and Asheville Citizen-Times report that those plans have changed. The 10th overall pick in the 2005 draft, Maybin has emerged as one of the elite prospects in baseball at just 20 years old. He was promoted from Single-A to Double-A last week, so a call-up to the big leagues comes as a huge surprise at this point and it's unclear how much playing time he'll get in the Tigers' outfield.

Unpredictable Happenings at Wrigley for the next 6 Years

Carlos Zambrano and the Cubs have agreed to a five-year contract extension worth $91.5 million, with a player option for a sixth season at $19.25 million.

In other words, it's essentially a six-year, $111 million extension. Zambrano must really like Chicago, because the deal is shorter than those handed out to top-tier free agent starters over the past several years and the total commitment is $15 million less than Barry Zito received from the Giants during the offseason. Aug. 17 - 10:34 am et

They're Baaaack

Russia 'renewing bomber patrols'

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Smiff illness enters week two...

Think Ratso Rizzo's last bus ride...

Oh Denny Boy

The Worst House Speaker in American History

little does he know Decker owns him

mattymatty2000 (Philly, PA): Now that Hughes and Chamberlain are in the majors, who is your favorite pitching prospect in the minors?
Kevin Goldstein: Clayton Kershaw.

in case ya missed it...

The Clevelands released Fernando! Cabrera and his 5.61 ERA, but kept Joe Borowski as their closer and his 5.55 ERA.

Junior must have snapped a hammy.

Outfield assists - J Jones (K Griffey Jr at 1st base).

Copying the British (cont)

Celebrity spoof show set for US

Channel 4 comedy Star Stories, which lampoons the lives of celebrities, is being redeveloped for US television.
A pilot of the show is being made by cable channel VH1, which is set to follow the UK programme's format.
A new set of actors is currently being cast for the show, while its name is also likely to be changed.
The recent series of the comedy has satirised Hollywood star Tom Cruise, pop group Take That and also poked fun at X Factor judge Simon Cowell.
The show stars a small group of actors who play a number of famous faces during each half-hour episode, which reconstructs their celebrity lives.
In other episodes, the lives of Madonna and Guy Richie were told in the style of one of the film director's movies, while the Simon Cowell outing was entitled "Simon Cowell: My Honesty, My Genius".
The company behind the UK show - which was nominated for best new comedy at last year's British Comedy Awards - will produce the US pilot episode.
The comedy, now in its second series, has also subjected Victoria and David Beckham, George Michael, Jennifer Aniston and Catherine Zeta Jones to its satirical treatment.

Guess who this is supposed to be...

they should be sentenced for life in front of a firing squad

4 Arrested In 'Fire In The Hole' Hot Sauce Prank At Drive-Through

There must not be much to do in western PA (though maybe they drive over from Ohio, where the even bigger idiots live).


Suicide Rate in Army at a 26-Year High

Cricket Rules - Post 3 of 473

Ball-tampering is one of the most emotive and controversial issues in Test cricket, especially when accusations involve Pakistan.
When umpire Darrell Hair awarded England five penalty runs for Pakistan violating law 42.3 for deliberately altering the condition of the ball during the fourth Test at The Oval, the Australian official provoked a huge Pakistani backlash.
Ball tampering is tantamount to cheating, everything that contravenes the spirit of this most gentlemanly of sports.
Unfortunately these accusations are nothing new to Pakistani cricket.
The slur has tainted the nation since all-rounder Imran Khan first extracted exaggerated late movement with the older ball during the 1970s.
BBC Sport examines the stigma of ball tampering.

Bowlers shine one side of a new cricket ball while the opposite is left to deteriorate through natural wear and tear.
This process helps bowlers swing the ball in the air.
In simple terms, the aerodynamics of bowling mean the shiny side travels faster through the air, while the rough side acts as a brake, pushing the ball in the direction of the rough side.
But as the ball loses its early shine, it begins to swing less and it is not until it gets older and rougher that it begins to deviate again, a process known as reverse swing.

"As the ball becomes rougher, it will take on a different characteristic as it deteriorates," said former England fast bowling coach Troy Cooley, who helped England's bowlers use the phenomenon to great success during the 2005 Ashes series.
"So if you present the ball as an outswinger, the ball has deteriorated so much on the rough side that it takes on the characteristics of the shiny side.
"Which means a natural outswinger will become an inswinger and conversely, an inswinger an outswinger."

It is unfair for anyone to rub the ball on the ground for any reason, interfere with any of the seams or the surface of the ball, use any implement, or take any other action whatsoever which is likely to alter the condition of the ball
The laws of the game clearly state fielders can polish, clean or dry the ball, but nothing more.
The batsmen, pitch and outfield all contribute to the natural wear and tear of the ball, which usually starts to reverse swing around the 40- to 50-over mark during a Test match.
However, the earlier the ball starts to reverse swing, the more problems it poses for the batsmen.

Bowlers can facilitate the deterioration by manipulating the condition of the ball illegally.
The seam, which acts as the ball's rudder when it swings, can be picked with fingernails.
The nails can also help to further scuff the rough side of the ball.
Read more here (no you won't).

Sarge's hero

Legendary Al Green lets his voice be heard

Off the market (cont)

CRAWFORD, Texas - One of the president's daughters is getting married. President Bush and first lady Laura Bush announced Thursday that their daughter, Jenna, is engaged to Henry Hager of Virginia. No wedding date has been set, said Mrs. Bush's press secretary, Sally McDonough. Jenna, one of the president's twin daughters, became engaged to Hager, the son of Mr. and Mrs. John H. Hager of Richmond, Va., on Wednesday.

one depressing chart

move along - nothing to see here

News Item: The Gen. Petraeus Report on conditions in Iraq will be written by the White House.

Why Govt should be run like a business (cont)

Tollway has let cheats off the hook since fall

Cheney vs. Cheney: Sneardown!

Daily Show: 1994 Dick Cheney vs. Post-9/11 Dick Cheney

anyone with an explanation?

Adam Dunn (.904 OPS) hitting behind Brandon Phillips (.780 OPS).

Who is managing the Reds these days? Whoever it is, someone should check to see if his brain stem is connected.

did he sleep with Joe Torre's daughter?

Yankees released LHP Mike Myers.

His ERA was 2.66. Ok, ERAs don't mean much for relievers, and Myers only faces a couple lefties a week, but that's what you get with Myers. He's a PROVEN VETERAN!And doesn't the Yankees' bullpen kinda suck?

uh, aren't they in the playoff hunt? HELLO?!

Manager John McLaren said Wednesday that Horacio Ramirez will remain in the Mariners' rotation despite a 7.38 ERA. "What we're looking for is a location of the fastball and a differential of the fastball and changeup," McLaren said. "He's pitched some good games for us. We haven't given up on him. I know a lot of people are down on him. He still believes in himself."

Maybe they would take Adam Eaton off our hands?

Chicago Under Attack!

Da Thunderbird fighter jets keep flying by. Someone says W thinks there are counter insurgents in the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel. So don't be surprised if that gets vaporised using depleted uranium shells. Though I thought Da Mare took care of that when he "took care" of Meigs field...

or, how to make Barry Bonds look good

Commissioner Bud Selig announced that he will not take any disciplinary measures against Jason Giambi given his cooperation with Senator George Mitchell's investigation and his off-field charitable activities.
How ridiculous. The only reason Selig didn't issue a suspension months ago is that he knew there was no way it'd hold up in front of an arbitrator. Everything else is merely politics. Giambi essentially admitted to using steroids in an interview earlier this year, but since he didn't pinpoint when it happened, there was never anything that could be done.

Well, that'll help

The U.S. Geological Survey has upgraded the Peruvian earthquake from 7.9 to 8.0.

That means we'll respond twice as fast with three times the amount of aid right? Coz those 7.x earthquakes, they're baby earthquakes, tremors really. But once you reach 8, it's a catastrophe, requiring a much larger response. We should send the National Guard oh wait we can't. But we can measure earthquake severity with the best of them. Eventually.

Can't anyone here play this game?

Milwaukee 62 58 .517 - 39-22 23-36 3-7 L-3
Chicago 60 59 .504 1.5 30-30 30-29 2-8 L-4
St. Louis 57 60 .487 3.5 30-27 27-33 7-3 W-4
Houston 54 66 .450 8 32-27 22-39 6-4 L-1
Cincinnati 52 67 .437 9.5 27-32 25-35 7-3 W-2
Pittsburgh 49 69 .415 12 26-35 23-34 5-5 L-3


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

these DL reports are getting very specific

Phillies placed RH"P" Adam Eaton on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to Aug. 12, for extended, unmitigated, uninterrupted SUCKing, leading to really bad pitching, intense hammerings and a league worst 6.36 ERA, and a HYOOOGE albatross of a 3-year contract.

nobody listens to Smiff

I told you Pizzaman should have traded for Conine!

Top 3rd: Cincinnati
- K. Griffey Jr. singled to center, N. Hopper scored
- J. Conine homered to deep left center, A. Dunn and K. Griffey Jr. scored

Cincinnati 6, Chi Cubs 4

K.O. Remains The Man

This was good...

World’s Worst: Keith Destroys FOX’s John Gibson

Did you know there are ultra-right-wing-nutjobs out there hoping for another 9/11 to "unite" the country? Faux Noise is fawning over them. Uh, seems like we--and the world--were united the first time around (i even put an American flag in my window!) until Bush & Co. squandered it all away in record speed. Anyways, what American city can we do without? How about New Orleans again? Detroit? Ah, too easy. Hmmm, John Gibson's office at 1211 Avenue Of The Americas, New York City? We have a winner...

i am always disappointed by my heroes

So...even Jose Offerman is nuts? It's getting to be you can't believe in anyone anymore...

BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) -- Former major league All-Star Jose Offerman was suspended indefinitely Wednesday, a day after he went wild in the minors and hit the opposing pitcher and catcher with his bat. Offerman was charged with two counts of second-degree assault -- the catcher sustained a concussion and the pitcher had a broken finger. Offerman posted $10,000 bond and was due in Bridgeport Superior Court on Aug. 23.
Out of the majors since playing for the New York Mets in 2005, Offerman homered in the first inning Tuesday night for the Long Island Ducks. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport Bluefish starter Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat. Catcher John Nathans was struck in the head. He tried to keep playing, but left the game with nausea and collapsed in the dugout, team spokesman Nick Razzette said. Beech, a left-hander who formerly pitched in the major, had a broken middle finger on his right hand. Both players were treated at a hospital and released. Offerman, Beech and Bridgeport manager and former major league pitcher Tommy John were ejected.

Shelly Duncan

When's that expiration date again?

Just homered to tie the Orioles...bottom of the ninth...2 out.

Ohioan...had to be a Bush voter...

News Item: A fisherman in Massillon, Ohio, hooks a snapping turtle, pulls out his handgun to kill it and shoots himself in the leg while the turtle gets away.

Isn't it time clowns were outlawed?

A British clown who was denied liability insurance because his act including the blowing of bubbles, which children could slip on, after which he was told that he shouldn't tie balloons into the shape of swords because it might encourage violence among children, has now been told to avoid balloons completely because of the potential for latex allergies.

so...this would mean...Farny?

Villone? Vizcaino? Sometimes, even good managers are idiots. Can someone explain why getting, say, the 3-4-5 hitters out in the 8th inning is easier than getting the 6-7-8 hitters out in the 9th inning? Anyone? Sarge?

Manager Joe Torre said Tuesday that he's unlikely to use Joba Chamberlain in save situations when Mariano Rivera gets a day off. "It's easy to say after what we've seen so far, yeah, no problem (closing)," Torre said. "But we still have to keep in mind that he's 21 years old and [Monday] was his first exposure to Yankee Stadium. I'd rather go with experience."

Citizens of the World Unite

Found while surfing the Wikipedias, a site that wants to unite the world, starting with a bridge between Russia & the US.

See the main page here

See the blueprint for their skyway system here, with its maglev trains and solar panels and aqueduct pipelines...

See the map of their highway system here

Their system doesn't reach Chi-town? How can they expect that to work without da city dat works? Doesn't hit Zimbabwe either? That's strike 2.

And how are they proposing we pay for all this? Well, it's meant to promote world peace by getting resources to all parts of the globe, so the money is supposed to come from the defence budgets of all participating nations. He gone!

anonymous poster sure had this one right...

Byung-Hyun Kim lasted just one-third of an inning in his second start for the Diamondbacks and gave up four runs -- three earned -- in a loss to the Marlins. Kim had a solid 4.16 ERA for Florida before being claimed off waivers, but he's been a disaster in two starts for Arizona.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Fightins, Smiff: Teams of Destiny

Russell Branyan hit a pinch-hit, two-run homer in the eighth in his Phillies' debut to lead the team to a 3-2 come-from-behind win over the Nats on Tuesday. Branyan was just acquired from the Tribe last week, and in his very first at-bat as a Phillie, he stroked the game's decision blow.

Even more incredible, Myers, Flash & AlfonSUCKO didn't totally SUCK.

As for Smiff, i left work early today to spend more time with my family.

first the bombs...then let's play two!

News Item: Cal Ripken Jr. has been named a special envoy for the State Department to help burnish America's image abroad through baseball.

73% of U.S. now under surveillance

You voted for it - You got it. So, shut up.

Poll Finds Overwhelming Opposition to Domestic Wiretapping

keep moving - nothing to see here

Katrina Aid Going To Wealthy Investors For Million $$ Football Condos

move along - nothing to see here

News Item: "Despite a federal judge's order to preserve all the ballots from the 2004 presidential election -- in which Ohio provided President Bush's margin of victory -- boards of elections in 56 of Ohio's 88 counties lost, shredded or dumped nearly 1.6 million ballots. . . ."

Holy Cow! He's dead...

Hall of Famer Rizzuto dies at 89

42nd in the world?

US slipping in life expectancy rankings

Man, those poor phokks without health care who keep eating fast food are really making us look bad. I mean, really, we're lower than Jordan. People, put down the Doritos and go for a walk. And if you need a little health care or some $hit, i think Greyhound goes to Canada. Leave the driving to them!

i think he has Plato stumped

Monday, August 13, 2007

In case anyone missed it...

...Tiger Woods won a golf tournament yesterday!

somebody should have listened to this guy

Dick Cheney explains why the US shouldn’t invade Iraq in 1994: Quagmire!

real patriots

donors to the Kucinich's an eclectic group:

NEWSMEAT Hall of Fame Donors — 2008 Campaign
Larry Flynt Hustler publisher (world's creepiest person? after Cheney, of course)
Paul Haggis screenwriter, producer (made the widely overpraised Crash and wrote the widely overpraised Million Dollar Baby--like all Clint Eastwood films, except the one with the monkey)
Casey Kasem radio host ("Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars, comrade!" Also, an Arab, Catholic, VEGAN! Let's hope he's being secretly wiretapped...)
Alexandra Paul actress (a Baywatch babe; was also in docu Who Killed the Electric Car?, made by commies)
Mark Ruffalo actor (today's greatest actor? i tells ya, he should be Lou in The Sweet Lou Story: Mount Piniella Erupts)

Kelly Bundy's Available!

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Christina Applegate is now unmarried ... with no children.

Johnathon Schaech and Christina Applegate were married in 2001.

The actress and her actor husband, Johnathon Schaech, have officially parted ways a year and a half after he filed for divorce.
The pair's split was finalized in Superior Court on Friday, according to court documents obtained by
Applegate, known for her role as ditzy daughter Kelly Bundy on TV's "Married ... With Children," and actor Schaech married in October 2001.
They separated in November 2005, citing irreconcilable differences, according to court papers. Schaech filed for divorce December 5, 2006.
Applegate's publicist, Ame Van Iden, and Schaech's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, both declined to comment Friday.
The judgment awarded Schaech more than $1.5 million in bank accounts dating back to last February, a cement Buddha in Applegate's possession, and a 2001 Mercedes-Benz S500.
Applegate, 35, was awarded two of the ex-couple's Los Angeles residences, a 2006 Lexus and more than $7.5 million in bank accounts dating back to late December 2006, according to court documents.
Applegate has starred in movies including "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy," and earned a 2005 Tony Award nomination for her Broadway role in "Sweet Charity."
Schaech's acting credits include 1996's "That Thing You Do!" and 2005's "Sea of Dreams."
Both waived the right to seek spousal support.
The pair did not have children

Anything for a pint

To prove their theory that an extensive brewing tradition existed in Ireland as far back as 2500BC, Billy Quinn and Declan Moore recreated the process.

in the U.S. he would have gotten a HYOOOGE severance package

BEIJING, China (AP) -- The head of a Chinese manufacturing company accused of shipping hundreds of thousands of lead-tainted toys later recalled in the United States has committed suicide, a state-run newspaper said Monday. Zhang Shuhong, who co-owned Lee Der Industrial Company, killed himself at a warehouse over the weekend, days after China announced it had temporarily banned exports by the company, the Southern Metropolis Daily said. Lee Der made 967,000 toys recalled earlier this month by Mattel Inc. because they were made with paint containing excessive amounts of lead. The plastic preschool toys, sold under the Fisher-Price brand in the U.S., included the popular Big Bird, Elmo, Dora and Diego characters.

he'd make a pretty good anonymous poster...

"I was proud the other day when both Repulicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: You disarm, or we will."--Speaking about Saddam Hussein; Manchester, NH; 10/5/02

"See in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."--Greece, NY (right near Smittytown!); 5/24/05

"We'll be a great country where the fabrics are made up of groups and loving centers."--Kalamazoo, MI; 3/27/01 (uh, any idea here?)

Get Ready

To ship out & defend your democracy. Aginst terrists & outposts of tryinny.

Iraq war czar: Consider a draft

Clinton wants clarification

Suspicious Name

-- A tropical depression formed Monday in the far eastern Atlantic, the fourth of the Atlantic hurricane season, meteorologists said.
It will be named Tropical Storm Dean if its sustained wind strengthens to at least 39 mph, the threshold for a named storm.

Names for next year's hurricanes include Barack and Hillary...

ODing Anglo style

She probably did it for street cred...

Girl overdoses on espresso coffee

uh, yeah...

"I've always had the belief that starting pitching is what's most important, you know, to a rotation."-- Joe Morgan on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball

yeah, why can't every place be like San Diego

I hearya, Matt...

"I'm done with this place. I'm so tired of losing here. It's hotter than (bleep). We get our (butts) kicked every time we come here. I'm not coming here next year."--Padres play-by-play announcer/idiot/moron Matt Vasgersian, in one of a series of negative comments about the St. Louis area. "It's my bad. I've got to give a mea culpa. I should know better. . . . I feel bad about it. I didn't want the impression out there that I hate St. Louis."

found on my desk this morning

"smiff" brand tissues which read "I must be allergic to idiots."

Jeff Passan is a child molester

Ozzie-ball goes flat by Jeff Passan

"If you have the horses, you win the Kentucky Derby," Guillen said. "You're not going to win the Kentucky Derby with donkeys."

Can you win with a horse's ass?

Who is Corms going to support now?

Tommy Thompson Withdraws

Certainly the highlight of his campaign:

“I’m in the private sector and for the first time in my life I’m earning money,” Thompson told the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism. “You know that’s sort of part of the Jewish tradition, and I do not find anything wrong with that.”

So Long, Turdblossom


What are you going to miss most? For me, it will be his flesh-colored hair. And, of course, the total moral bankruptcy. And let's not forget his hand in this.

#31 Fans

So I checked this so called baseball blog of ours, and I find that there are only 3 Maddux references. And none of them from the Cubby fans. So I ask myself, what's going on? You can't call these guys every 5th day, yet no fawning over him on the LoC? So I goes to the Padres internets sites. He's got a losing record, & an ERA a tad over 4. Not pleasing, but not enuff to make them shut up, me thought. Then I goes to the roster site. He shows up as #30. #30?!?!? Why is he number 30? I looked at the full roster. No #31 there. So what gives?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

A Quick Sprinkling of Dusty

Dusty Baker: (on Pujols) Rolen already has a Gold Glove, Albert's trying to get one. They tell me he's getting one some day.

Other announcer: Albert Pujols, who won the Gold Glove last season, with the tremendous play.

courtesy of ---> now hotlinked! ----->