Thursday, June 16, 2011

Stoooopid 'Mercans (cont)

Too many Whole Foods treats, so deer must leave Lake View - Chicago Sun-Times

A deer and two fawns living in a Lake View courtyard will be moved by Animal Control because residents continue to feed the babies milk from bottles and organic apples from Whole Foods. (Only the best organic stuff will do for Bambi - ed).

Feeding the animals could ultimately be harmful to the deer, and possibly to people if the doe came back and found them too near her babies, officials said.

Animal Control, which has been monitoring the situation for about a week, does not “normally get involved with a situation with a wild animal,” unless the animal is in danger or poses a threat, said City Animal Care and Control Commissioner Cherie Travis.

Since the deer were uninjured and were not bothering anyone, the agency left them alone, and asked area residents to do the same.

But residents couldn’t seem to leave nature to its own course.

“We just asked people not to feed them,” Travis said. “Unfortunately people did not heed our advice.”

The signs asking people not to feed the animals were taken down.

“We were aware people were feeding the fawns with a baby bottle (are you phokking kidding me? ed) when the mother was not there,” Travis said. This could be dangerous to the fawns and those feeding them, she explained.

If residents bring them food, the deer will make themselves comfortable there and that’s a possibility with the Lake View deer, Travis said. “People are going to Whole Foods and giving them organic apples.”

An additional concern, which Ald. Tom Tunney’s office contacted Animal Care about, was the gay pride parade on June 26, which is expected to bring hundreds of thousands of people to the neighborhood, some of whom could be inebriated. (so gays + alcohol = shitstorm of biblical proportions that the deer won't survive? ed)

So now the animals will be moved, but Travis said that is no easy proposition.

“We’re looking at a lot of different options to remove them as humanely (dey ain't hyoomans - ed)as possible,” she said. “We are exploring a lot of options, none of which are really good.”

If only we paid this much attention to hyooomans in need...

Skilly Sez®

Today: rain. Tomorrow: rain. Saturday: rain. Sunday: rain. Monday: rain. Tuesday: rain. Wednesday: rain.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Literally Unbelievable (cont)

Security guard tries to remove wart from finger with a shotgun - Local stories - Yorkshire Post

A SECURITY guard from South Yorkshire shot himself in the hand to try to remove a wart from his finger.

Sean Murphy, 38, lost most of his left middle finger after using the stolen 12-bore Beretta shotgun at a garden centre in Doncaster.

He also landed in court for using an illegal firearm, and was handed a 16-week suspended prison sentence.

Murphy was told at Doncaster Magistrates’ Court that the offence carried a maximum 15 year term.

But he said: “The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble.” (every cloud has a silver lining - ed)

Murphy, a security officer at Markham Grange Nurseries, Brodsworth, at the time of the incident in March, has since lost his job. He had suffered with the wart on the joint closest to the tip of his middle finger for more than five years.

He said: “It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to bend. I’d been to the doctors and tried all sorts of things but it wouldn’t go.

“I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it.”

Murphy, of Kings Road, Doncaster, pleaded guilty to theft of the shotgun by finding and possessing it without a valid firearms certificate.

Police were called to Markham Grange on the afternoon of March 13 to discover an injured man with a missing finger. He told them he had used a shotgun he had found in a hedge bottom near the nursery three months earlier.

An investigation showed it was taken during a burglary in 2009 but Murphy said he had no knowledge of that.

Martin Ward, prosecuting, said: “On the afternoon in question he had some drink.” (yes, as always, blame it on the alcohol - ed)

Richard Haigh, defending, said Murphy had been ‘a victim of his own stupidity’ when domestic pressures got to him.

District Judge Jonathan Bennett told the defendant: “I don’t know what was going on in your mind.”

Murphy was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work and pay costs of £100