Carlos Zambrano was ejected from Wednesday's game against the Pirates in the seventh inning after bumping into umpire Mark Carlson.
Zambrano was upset about a play at the plate, and after being tossed, he made a big scene, indicating that he had ejected Carlson from the game, throwing a ball into left field, throwing his glove against the dugout screen and clubbing the dugout's Gatorade fountain with a bat. The Arlington Daily Herald anticipates that he'll be suspended for at least one start. He gave up two runs -- one earned -- in 6 1/3 innings before departing.
~
Showing posts with label brainz are a terrible thing to waste. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brainz are a terrible thing to waste. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Even Republicans are saying, "He's #UCK!NG N@TS!"
Republicans Look for a Reliever in Kentucky
WASHINGTON — One of the entrenched narratives in American politics is the case of the guy who refuses to quit, even though a lot of people on his own team want him gone.
WASHINGTON — One of the entrenched narratives in American politics is the case of the guy who refuses to quit, even though a lot of people on his own team want him gone.
While the Democrats are preoccupied with Senator Roland W. Burris and his ties to a tainted Illinois governor, the Republicans are trying to rid themselves of Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky, the former baseball star who clearly has little use for some colleagues and party leaders, and who keeps exhibiting what one senator calls “behavior issues.”
Key Republicans are gently (or not gently enough) trying to dissuade Mr. Bunning from seeking re-election in 2010 out of concern that his paltry fund-raising, declining approval ratings and irascible conduct have made him something between vulnerable and unelectable.
But in recent weeks, Mr. Bunning has shown no sign of stepping aside and delivered a string of incendiary pronouncements that have fed an impression that he is, to go with a baseball metaphor, a bit of a screwball."....
He's right about one thing:
“I don’t believe anything John Cornyn says,” Mr. Bunning fired back.
~
Monday, October 27, 2008
BRAINZZZ
Brains Work Best At Age of 39
Scientists at the University of California Los Angeles (idiots up the road--ed.) are reporting that while some people may think "life begins at 40," all it seems to do is slow down. According to recent research, at age 39 our brain reaches its peak speed, and it's all down hill after that. "The loss of a fatty skin that coats the nerve cells, called neurons, during middle age causes the slowdown, experts say. The coating acts as insulation, similar to the plastic covering on an electrical cable, and allows for fast bursts of signals around the body and brain. When the sheath deteriorates, signals passing along the neurons in the brain slow down. This means reaction times in the body are slower too."
Good news for most of us, except, of course, the already old brainz-impaired K-Mad & Smiff (and we drink...a lot).
~
Scientists at the University of California Los Angeles (idiots up the road--ed.) are reporting that while some people may think "life begins at 40," all it seems to do is slow down. According to recent research, at age 39 our brain reaches its peak speed, and it's all down hill after that. "The loss of a fatty skin that coats the nerve cells, called neurons, during middle age causes the slowdown, experts say. The coating acts as insulation, similar to the plastic covering on an electrical cable, and allows for fast bursts of signals around the body and brain. When the sheath deteriorates, signals passing along the neurons in the brain slow down. This means reaction times in the body are slower too."
Good news for most of us, except, of course, the already old brainz-impaired K-Mad & Smiff (and we drink...a lot).
~
Monday, October 13, 2008
liberal media running with LoC 'squirrel brains' meme
Ready to eat squirrel soup?
The couple would catch wild hogs, feed them corn for a year and eat them once the wild taste was out of the scavenging animals. They also took advantage of available squirrel meat, a common food in the South at that time.
"It was a uniquely disgusting thing ... to see my grandfather take a stewed, skinned squirrel's head, smack the skull's dome with a heavy silver tablespoon, and dine on the brains," LeBlanc (French phokk?) said.
Meme is one of those words you only hear in the liberal (French phokk) media, by the way. See also: underscore, robust.
The couple would catch wild hogs, feed them corn for a year and eat them once the wild taste was out of the scavenging animals. They also took advantage of available squirrel meat, a common food in the South at that time.
"It was a uniquely disgusting thing ... to see my grandfather take a stewed, skinned squirrel's head, smack the skull's dome with a heavy silver tablespoon, and dine on the brains," LeBlanc (French phokk?) said.
Meme is one of those words you only hear in the liberal (French phokk) media, by the way. See also: underscore, robust.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A Terrible Word to Lose
This deplorable error in an Associated Press wire dispatch Monday is surely the result of the demise of copy editors in the news business. The wire carried news of conservative political commentator Robert D. Novak -- who, by the way, was always gracious and helpful to us, despite his cranky public persona -- and his retirement from the biz after he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
And then a terrible gaffe: "Novak has been a columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times for decades. He announced late last month he has a brain."
And then a terrible gaffe: "Novak has been a columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times for decades. He announced late last month he has a brain."
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bats and Balls: and dat's just the food
7:34 PM me: PUMMELING: my teams go 11-1 dis week
7:35 PM Kevin: same here - woulda been 12-0 if halladay hadn't gotten hammered and left the door open for aaa pitcher (waaaaahhh)
mmmmmmmm spam
actually i meant 8-1
7:36 PM cherries: monsters of the...
cherry... orchard
me: Tarrist Malicki endorses Obama's plan? Can we invade and overthrow him?
7:37 PM Kevin: it would restore america's faith in america if we could just mercilessly bomb the shit outta somebody for a few weeks in a consequence-free environment
me: Belgium? stinkin' fat bastards
7:38 PM Kevin: that would rock. they stole our beer and besides they're almost french
7:39 PM me: back in Monks' bullpen, Bierd dominates
Kevin: yeah but he has a funny name... sounds like a tarrist
BIERD - not american sounding
7:40 PM me: how about Randor?
Kevin: sounds like a hobbit
what is he, three-foot-eight?
me: KO reading LoC again? just showed a map of the middle east
Kevin: funny
7:41 PM me: also, story #4: Monks PUMMEL Crab Queens - i wuz shocked he brought that up - played game 3, in fact
7:42 PM Jeter hit a HR! about time, LOSER
Kevin: iran is also on the turkey-turkmenistan border, btw
7:43 PM me: turkwhattawhu?
Kevin: that is the capital
me: dat's a country? can we bomb them?
7:44 PM Kevin: wiff one hand tied behind our backs
7:45 PM me: Jonny Gomes got a hit!
also walked - ON FIRE
Kevin: 2B tomorrow for homunculi: WI@@Y vs maholm or ian stewart vs kershaw? datz almost too easy...stewart
stop drop and roll!
7:46 PM me: 12,428 tonight in Tampa to watch the AL East leaders...
7:48 PM Kevin: change mind - WI@@Y
tampa SUCKS - should never have gotten a team - FRAUDS
white elephant dome - deres somephin we can bomb (maybe while dickie v is in it)
7:49 PM me: go look at the Detroit box score for MORE MATT JOYCE DESTRUCTION
Kevin: SHIT's BLOWIN UP BAYBEEE
7:50 PM joyce - YOOOOGE
white sox - awful
7:51 PM cordero - annudder blown save - datz so CHIX
me: dough da Q goes yahd
7:52 PM Kevin: seff mcclung - 5 non-catastrophic innings
dough salomon torres blows da save, steals da win
7:54 PM cubs getting manhandled by randy johnson - puzzling
8:00 PM me: high gas prices? new McCain ad sez it's all Obama's fault
like everything else
8:01 PM and this just in: Phil Gramm is still a piece of shit
8:04 PM Matt Joyce: another hit: HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Kevin: and: he blew up
8:05 PM me: Tigers up 19-0...
8:06 PM Kevin: chix era tonight: 40.498
8:08 PM alex romer (who?) homers off harden
romero
8:09 PM rockies pitching shutting em down
8:11 PM me: sellout on da sout'side for a Shit Sox stinker - wuz it free brat night?
8:12 PM Kevin: coulda been run on da field and beat up da umpires night
me: speaking of which, Smiff has been reduced to meatless brats...
Kevin: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
puzzling
8:14 PM me: sad
there wuz a sale
actually, not bad
Kevin: what would doug sohn say?
8:15 PM me: covered wiff mustard and onions, anyting is good (except broccoli)
Kevin: true
me: he would probably want to make a sausage out of me after force feeding and fattening me up even more...
8:16 PM nevertheless, the Monks destroyed da CQs anyway
Kevin: sounds delicious (nothing personal)
yes
8:17 PM me: of course, there isn't much of a liver left, so good luck wid dat one, doug
Kevin: dat wud teach him
me: and isn't Doug a stpuid-ass name, anyway?
STUPID-ASS ... Doug
8:18 PM LA has 16 runs in the 5th inning - how is Nomar (Fant!) involved?
Kevin: not at all?
8:20 PM ruh-roh:
7/21 Josh Johnson (Fla - SP) Add Free Agents Maddogs
8:21 PM guess dis wud be a bad time to tell him dat josh j might be a prairie chicken by dis time tomorrow?
me: NOMAR: DNP - i am SHOCKED - probably injured himself by breathing
Kevin: dat can be dangerous
8:22 PM me: sucked in some dust...sneezed...strained his back
8:23 PM Kevin: eyeballs popped out... rolled under desk... bumped head searching for eyeballs...
me: Dat's it!
8:24 PM do you have Valverde? stinkin' up da joint
Kevin: why, yes!
me: TWO BALLS OVER THE FENCE (not his)
8:25 PM Kevin: perfect complement to cordero's self-immolation tonight
crispy, crackly... mmmmm something smells good
me: dat's da brats
Kevin: no dis is unmistakably meaty
8:28 PM great episode of Nature last night about how da grizzlies are TOTALLY PHOKKED
annudder species doomed to extinction -- who woulda guessed?
8:29 PM lots of people dough - we can eat each udder when da animals are gone
me: YAY!
Kevin: i'm starting wif francisco "crispy crackly" cordero
8:30 PM 6-3 240 - dat would last like phree weeks
me: how about the CEO of Freddie Mac? made 20 million last year despite being a total phokking failure
8:31 PM Kevin: well he had to rise pretty high to fail that spectacularly... not for amateurs
he'd be delicious in a lemon cream sauce
me: Valverde: anudder run (dat's 4)
how about him for afters?
8:32 PM a little ketchup...
Kevin: delightful
wif a few french fries?
me: yes
woops, he's outta the game
still, 2 more runs could be charged
8:33 PM Kevin: micah owings (smelts, end times) on for d-bax
me: MANY runs about to score
Kevin: was sposed to start tomorrow - puzzling
me: rubber arm
and brain
8:34 PM Kevin: i would like to have da rubber brain
is it available as an implant?
me: don't yas already got one?
Kevin: cant remember - mebbe
8:36 PM me: FUNNY:
8:37 PM Last Play: F. Sanchez hit an inside the park home run to deep right, J. Michaels and J. Wilson scored
six runs for Jose...
8:38 PM Kevin: if he sucked any more, his head would implode
8:39 PM chix era tonight: 81.00
me: BOOM SPLAT
Kevin: batting avg: .117
me: that's like Crab Queens bad
8:40 PM Kevin: is it possible for their era to catch up to their ba?
me: yes
Kevin: chan ho hasn't pitched yet
he can do it
taylor buchholz
8:41 PM hong-chih... yikes... 81.000 era on the night and one-third of my staff is in coors on a night with a broken humidor and the wind blowing out
and hasnt pitched yet
sweet lord
theoretically a baseball game could go on forever
me: what's the league record?
8:44 PM Kevin: a 7-run 9th - that's SO CHIX
8:47 PM me: anypfing the Cherries should get from McCluskey?
8:48 PM Kevin: nutsack?
me: wow, his team SUX
Kevin: phokk yeah
da Q?
dont need da Q
8:49 PM me: huh, we don't?
Kevin: grandy scott thames joyce gomesy - rock solid
'sides da Q had two good momfs...datz it
8:50 PM he gone
me: thames playing first
someone DHs
Gomes SUX
8:51 PM i think we could fit him in, though i don't think he would want to trade him
Kevin: yeah if he is phinking long-term, he prollaby wants to keep him
8:53 PM me: he doesn't have any vets doing anything
Kevin: yep
not even a shiny dangly object in the bullpen
8:54 PM me: Morrow
should move him if he isn't going to start
8:55 PM Kevin: our bullpen could use a little somefin
8:56 PM me: SP too, since we're one injury away from being totally phokked
8:58 PM Kevin: cubs shut down by chad phokking qualls
8:59 PM me: it's sad, puzzling, CQian
9:02 PM the bizarre foods guy is eating pig's testicles...
9:03 PM now a beating frog's heart...not bad!
9:04 PM sake garnished with a lizard...
Kevin: whatever they're paying him, its not enough, and yet, its too much
9:06 PM me: giant snails...
Kevin: tiny snails arent disgusting enough?
lemme guess - next they'll take an ordinary duck liver and make it grotesquely YOOOOOOOGE...
9:09 PM chix era vs ba smackdown is at 81.000 vs. .111
9:10 PM me: converging...
no duck liver, but he did mention monkfish livers in passing
9:13 PM Kevin: i give up... bedtime
9:14 PM me: wait... live turtles!
Kevin: with the shell?
i have a better idea -- feed that phokk to some hungry grizzlies on live tv - i would watch
9:15 PM dat wud be awesome
me: dat would be pretty cool
so far...it's a dead turtle
9:16 PM it's called Suppan (insert own joke here)
Kevin: if he could take a crap in da lake and show a live turtle swimming away, dat would be interesting
9:17 PM me: next: every part of the chicken!
9:18 PM rooster balls...
not good, apparently
Kevin: that is surprising
9:19 PM me: coming up: happy cows make tasty beef!
9:24 PM they get a massage
every morning
they run free!
are fed beer
9:25 PM Kevin: thats a nice story
and delicious
me: "Melts in your mouth like foie gras"!
9:26 PM Kevin: of course it does
me: now in Bangkok
birds' nest soup
9:27 PM Kevin: baby chix?
me: a box of 12 nests? $1000
9:28 PM the soup also has frog's ovaries - that's good eating right there!!
Kevin: yeah you really need that... i gots a real frog ovary deficit in my diet
me: frought so
9:29 PM good lord does it look disgusting
Kevin: puzzling
making me hungry so i better go
me: ant larvae...
more frog parts
9:30 PM Kevin: maybe i can find one in the yard
me: giant water bugs, grasshoppers, crickets...
9:31 PM tadpoles! mmmmmmm
whole frog on a stick
9:32 PM Kevin: alive?
me: sorry, cooked
Kevin: couldnt it have survived?
9:34 PM me: off to Changmai for the nastiest of all
what could it be - monkey brainz?
9:35 PM Kevin: mebbe... i been to chang mai, got drunk at da smiling monkey
9:36 PM me: you drank a live monkey?
9:37 PM Kevin: http://www.chiangmai-online.com/smonkey/
yes, and it rained
me: KUO IS IN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Kevin: sweet lord
9:38 PM me: Podzzzie singles - man, dis is gonna be good
9:39 PM grilled intestines
bug salads
9:40 PM Kevin: kuo?
me: yeah
"variety of organs" sausage
9:41 PM Spirulina algae - yum!
Kevin: buchholz - not pummeled
9:42 PM me: Iannetta doubles...
9:44 PM what's for dinner?
Fruit bats!
Kevin: yum!
me: a treat!
9:45 PM stir-fried...
9:46 PM "It's some really good bat"!
Kevin: flying rodent...mmmm...
me: also funny: Tulo singles, 2 runs
Kevin: so den... yay
bedtime
9:47 PM me: nope, Hawpe did dat
Kevin: i look forward to reading of the savage, inhumane pummeling in the morning
good morning!
me: quitter
Kevin: good night...
yes
me: dat's sad
and Stewart is up, your boy
9:53 PM me: fermented shrimp paste...
9:54 PM MUTTON!
9:56 PM coagulated blood cake
9:57 PM durian: the smelliest and apparently awfulest tasting fruit in the world
7:35 PM Kevin: same here - woulda been 12-0 if halladay hadn't gotten hammered and left the door open for aaa pitcher (waaaaahhh)
mmmmmmmm spam
actually i meant 8-1
7:36 PM cherries: monsters of the...
cherry... orchard
me: Tarrist Malicki endorses Obama's plan? Can we invade and overthrow him?
7:37 PM Kevin: it would restore america's faith in america if we could just mercilessly bomb the shit outta somebody for a few weeks in a consequence-free environment
me: Belgium? stinkin' fat bastards
7:38 PM Kevin: that would rock. they stole our beer and besides they're almost french
7:39 PM me: back in Monks' bullpen, Bierd dominates
Kevin: yeah but he has a funny name... sounds like a tarrist
BIERD - not american sounding
7:40 PM me: how about Randor?
Kevin: sounds like a hobbit
what is he, three-foot-eight?
me: KO reading LoC again? just showed a map of the middle east
Kevin: funny
7:41 PM me: also, story #4: Monks PUMMEL Crab Queens - i wuz shocked he brought that up - played game 3, in fact
7:42 PM Jeter hit a HR! about time, LOSER
Kevin: iran is also on the turkey-turkmenistan border, btw
7:43 PM me: turkwhattawhu?
Kevin: that is the capital
me: dat's a country? can we bomb them?
7:44 PM Kevin: wiff one hand tied behind our backs
7:45 PM me: Jonny Gomes got a hit!
also walked - ON FIRE
Kevin: 2B tomorrow for homunculi: WI@@Y vs maholm or ian stewart vs kershaw? datz almost too easy...stewart
stop drop and roll!
7:46 PM me: 12,428 tonight in Tampa to watch the AL East leaders...
7:48 PM Kevin: change mind - WI@@Y
tampa SUCKS - should never have gotten a team - FRAUDS
white elephant dome - deres somephin we can bomb (maybe while dickie v is in it)
7:49 PM me: go look at the Detroit box score for MORE MATT JOYCE DESTRUCTION
Kevin: SHIT's BLOWIN UP BAYBEEE
7:50 PM joyce - YOOOOGE
white sox - awful
7:51 PM cordero - annudder blown save - datz so CHIX
me: dough da Q goes yahd
7:52 PM Kevin: seff mcclung - 5 non-catastrophic innings
dough salomon torres blows da save, steals da win
7:54 PM cubs getting manhandled by randy johnson - puzzling
8:00 PM me: high gas prices? new McCain ad sez it's all Obama's fault
like everything else
8:01 PM and this just in: Phil Gramm is still a piece of shit
8:04 PM Matt Joyce: another hit: HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Kevin: and: he blew up
8:05 PM me: Tigers up 19-0...
8:06 PM Kevin: chix era tonight: 40.498
8:08 PM alex romer (who?) homers off harden
romero
8:09 PM rockies pitching shutting em down
8:11 PM me: sellout on da sout'side for a Shit Sox stinker - wuz it free brat night?
8:12 PM Kevin: coulda been run on da field and beat up da umpires night
me: speaking of which, Smiff has been reduced to meatless brats...
Kevin: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
puzzling
8:14 PM me: sad
there wuz a sale
actually, not bad
Kevin: what would doug sohn say?
8:15 PM me: covered wiff mustard and onions, anyting is good (except broccoli)
Kevin: true
me: he would probably want to make a sausage out of me after force feeding and fattening me up even more...
8:16 PM nevertheless, the Monks destroyed da CQs anyway
Kevin: sounds delicious (nothing personal)
yes
8:17 PM me: of course, there isn't much of a liver left, so good luck wid dat one, doug
Kevin: dat wud teach him
me: and isn't Doug a stpuid-ass name, anyway?
STUPID-ASS ... Doug
8:18 PM LA has 16 runs in the 5th inning - how is Nomar (Fant!) involved?
Kevin: not at all?
8:20 PM ruh-roh:
7/21 Josh Johnson (Fla - SP) Add Free Agents Maddogs
8:21 PM guess dis wud be a bad time to tell him dat josh j might be a prairie chicken by dis time tomorrow?
me: NOMAR: DNP - i am SHOCKED - probably injured himself by breathing
Kevin: dat can be dangerous
8:22 PM me: sucked in some dust...sneezed...strained his back
8:23 PM Kevin: eyeballs popped out... rolled under desk... bumped head searching for eyeballs...
me: Dat's it!
8:24 PM do you have Valverde? stinkin' up da joint
Kevin: why, yes!
me: TWO BALLS OVER THE FENCE (not his)
8:25 PM Kevin: perfect complement to cordero's self-immolation tonight
crispy, crackly... mmmmm something smells good
me: dat's da brats
Kevin: no dis is unmistakably meaty
8:28 PM great episode of Nature last night about how da grizzlies are TOTALLY PHOKKED
annudder species doomed to extinction -- who woulda guessed?
8:29 PM lots of people dough - we can eat each udder when da animals are gone
me: YAY!
Kevin: i'm starting wif francisco "crispy crackly" cordero
8:30 PM 6-3 240 - dat would last like phree weeks
me: how about the CEO of Freddie Mac? made 20 million last year despite being a total phokking failure
8:31 PM Kevin: well he had to rise pretty high to fail that spectacularly... not for amateurs
he'd be delicious in a lemon cream sauce
me: Valverde: anudder run (dat's 4)
how about him for afters?
8:32 PM a little ketchup...
Kevin: delightful
wif a few french fries?
me: yes
woops, he's outta the game
still, 2 more runs could be charged
8:33 PM Kevin: micah owings (smelts, end times) on for d-bax
me: MANY runs about to score
Kevin: was sposed to start tomorrow - puzzling
me: rubber arm
and brain
8:34 PM Kevin: i would like to have da rubber brain
is it available as an implant?
me: don't yas already got one?
Kevin: cant remember - mebbe
8:36 PM me: FUNNY:
8:37 PM Last Play: F. Sanchez hit an inside the park home run to deep right, J. Michaels and J. Wilson scored
six runs for Jose...
8:38 PM Kevin: if he sucked any more, his head would implode
8:39 PM chix era tonight: 81.00
me: BOOM SPLAT
Kevin: batting avg: .117
me: that's like Crab Queens bad
8:40 PM Kevin: is it possible for their era to catch up to their ba?
me: yes
Kevin: chan ho hasn't pitched yet
he can do it
taylor buchholz
8:41 PM hong-chih... yikes... 81.000 era on the night and one-third of my staff is in coors on a night with a broken humidor and the wind blowing out
and hasnt pitched yet
sweet lord
theoretically a baseball game could go on forever
me: what's the league record?
8:44 PM Kevin: a 7-run 9th - that's SO CHIX
8:47 PM me: anypfing the Cherries should get from McCluskey?
8:48 PM Kevin: nutsack?
me: wow, his team SUX
Kevin: phokk yeah
da Q?
dont need da Q
8:49 PM me: huh, we don't?
Kevin: grandy scott thames joyce gomesy - rock solid
'sides da Q had two good momfs...datz it
8:50 PM he gone
me: thames playing first
someone DHs
Gomes SUX
8:51 PM i think we could fit him in, though i don't think he would want to trade him
Kevin: yeah if he is phinking long-term, he prollaby wants to keep him
8:53 PM me: he doesn't have any vets doing anything
Kevin: yep
not even a shiny dangly object in the bullpen
8:54 PM me: Morrow
should move him if he isn't going to start
8:55 PM Kevin: our bullpen could use a little somefin
8:56 PM me: SP too, since we're one injury away from being totally phokked
8:58 PM Kevin: cubs shut down by chad phokking qualls
8:59 PM me: it's sad, puzzling, CQian
9:02 PM the bizarre foods guy is eating pig's testicles...
9:03 PM now a beating frog's heart...not bad!
9:04 PM sake garnished with a lizard...
Kevin: whatever they're paying him, its not enough, and yet, its too much
9:06 PM me: giant snails...
Kevin: tiny snails arent disgusting enough?
lemme guess - next they'll take an ordinary duck liver and make it grotesquely YOOOOOOOGE...
9:09 PM chix era vs ba smackdown is at 81.000 vs. .111
9:10 PM me: converging...
no duck liver, but he did mention monkfish livers in passing
9:13 PM Kevin: i give up... bedtime
9:14 PM me: wait... live turtles!
Kevin: with the shell?
i have a better idea -- feed that phokk to some hungry grizzlies on live tv - i would watch
9:15 PM dat wud be awesome
me: dat would be pretty cool
so far...it's a dead turtle
9:16 PM it's called Suppan (insert own joke here)
Kevin: if he could take a crap in da lake and show a live turtle swimming away, dat would be interesting
9:17 PM me: next: every part of the chicken!
9:18 PM rooster balls...
not good, apparently
Kevin: that is surprising
9:19 PM me: coming up: happy cows make tasty beef!
9:24 PM they get a massage
every morning
they run free!
are fed beer
9:25 PM Kevin: thats a nice story
and delicious
me: "Melts in your mouth like foie gras"!
9:26 PM Kevin: of course it does
me: now in Bangkok
birds' nest soup
9:27 PM Kevin: baby chix?
me: a box of 12 nests? $1000
9:28 PM the soup also has frog's ovaries - that's good eating right there!!
Kevin: yeah you really need that... i gots a real frog ovary deficit in my diet
me: frought so
9:29 PM good lord does it look disgusting
Kevin: puzzling
making me hungry so i better go
me: ant larvae...
more frog parts
9:30 PM Kevin: maybe i can find one in the yard
me: giant water bugs, grasshoppers, crickets...
9:31 PM tadpoles! mmmmmmm
whole frog on a stick
9:32 PM Kevin: alive?
me: sorry, cooked
Kevin: couldnt it have survived?
9:34 PM me: off to Changmai for the nastiest of all
what could it be - monkey brainz?
9:35 PM Kevin: mebbe... i been to chang mai, got drunk at da smiling monkey
9:36 PM me: you drank a live monkey?
9:37 PM Kevin: http://www.chiangmai-online.com/smonkey/
yes, and it rained
me: KUO IS IN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Kevin: sweet lord
9:38 PM me: Podzzzie singles - man, dis is gonna be good
9:39 PM grilled intestines
bug salads
9:40 PM Kevin: kuo?
me: yeah
"variety of organs" sausage
9:41 PM Spirulina algae - yum!
Kevin: buchholz - not pummeled
9:42 PM me: Iannetta doubles...
9:44 PM what's for dinner?
Fruit bats!
Kevin: yum!
me: a treat!
9:45 PM stir-fried...
9:46 PM "It's some really good bat"!
Kevin: flying rodent...mmmm...
me: also funny: Tulo singles, 2 runs
Kevin: so den... yay
bedtime
9:47 PM me: nope, Hawpe did dat
Kevin: i look forward to reading of the savage, inhumane pummeling in the morning
good morning!
me: quitter
Kevin: good night...
yes
me: dat's sad
and Stewart is up, your boy
9:53 PM me: fermented shrimp paste...
9:54 PM MUTTON!
9:56 PM coagulated blood cake
9:57 PM durian: the smelliest and apparently awfulest tasting fruit in the world
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Brainz II: It's Only June (Anything Can Happen)
7:58 PM me: HOLY CRAP:
Kevin: oh no
me: Adam Eaton held the Reds to one run on three hits over 6 2/3 innings on Tuesday night as the Phillies went on to win 3-2. Pat Burrell's two-run homer in the sixth inning broke a 1-1 tie and put the Phils ahead for good. Eaton did not issue a walk and struck out five, tying a season high. Tonight's terrific outing was the second in a row for the Phillies right-hander, who tossed six innings of one-run ball his last time out.
7:59 PM Kevin: the public isnt ready for this
8:00 PM sox PUMMEL grinky
me: i know - awful
8:06 PM me: Terry McAuiliffe (your boy): Hillary Clinton would win the general election TODAY
8:07 PM Kevin: yeah and i would win the triple crown if i were in the major leagues
me: he's on the Daily SHow right now mocking himself (i think) hmmm, maybe not
Kevin: he should try it, it would be easy
8:12 PM me: LedeZZZZZma: shutting out the sCrUBS
Kevin: holy phokking shit
8:13 PM is there a helicoptor with an anvil hovering over the ballpark?
me: i can't see that far, but probably
8:16 PM Bedard: SUCKED
Kevin: inhumanely destroyed
8:17 PM me: like a duck?
Kevin: pretty much
8:19 PM me: Cubs score, floodgates next...
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
8:20 PM steel cleats must really SUCK to lose a three game series to da cherries
8:21 PM your boy campillo -- not so much
8:22 PM me: Uggla-Hummingbird-owned him tonight
Kevin: shillary is hemorraging superdelegates
of course, its all about da hummingbirds
8:23 PM me: i like the Cherries game where they Kd 19 times - and won
Kevin: suckathon
8:24 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: da boom boom
8:25 PM me: i gotsta $20 cab - celebrating BO and my promotion letter (fooled 'em)
8:26 PM Kevin: dat'll teach em
me: suckers
Kevin: yes
me: dey also shoulda known da risks
Kevin: you woulda phinked so
me: i also get a free lunch wif da head honcho
8:27 PM Kevin: rebecca?
me: no, da head head honcho - director
8:28 PM Kevin: knock back a few shots to show youre a regular (white) guy
me: yep - also try not to throw up on his suit
8:29 PM Kevin: excellent plan
8:33 PM is da cab worft twenty bucks?
8:34 PM me: it's tasty, but not werf $20
8:35 PM Zito v. Pedro: who dies first?
8:36 PM Kevin: why not both together?
8:37 PM me: works for me
8:38 PM Kevin: the gigantic asshole pat buchanan is bloviating on msnbc
me: i see dat
Kevin: what is wrong with obama that he isnt prezzzzident already?
me: why doesn't he just call him a nigger and be done with it
8:39 PM Kevin: why arent 200 million racist assholes like me in love with him already?
he's not bonding with nazi germany -- whats his prollem?
me: er, isn't Minnesota in middle America?
8:40 PM Kevin: nope -- its a psychic suburb of the upper east side
8:44 PM the media has annointed him
he's talking as if he were the nominee. i think it's presumptive, insulting, and frankly, just plain misogynist
why does he hate women?
8:45 PM me: it's sad, puzzling
8:49 PM speaking of which:
LedeWWWWma walks in run
Kevin: oy
thats not the ledezzzma we knew... wait... yes it is
8:52 PM me: SINGLE...anudder run
8:53 PM Kevin: on a happier note, zito finally came unraveled
8:54 PM me: ZZZ GUONE
Corey is in! (who?)
8:57 PM Kevin: mets - 8 runs in the 5th (and counting)
8:58 PM me: funny stuff
Kevin: yes
giants -- appalling
8:59 PM me: The Incredible Chulk!
Kevin: incredibly awful
9:00 PM me: Zito: only 5 earned
Kevin: a moral victory
9:01 PM chix put him on waivers and the woodstock nation claimed him
woops
9:03 PM you know whats interesting? she won all the important votes. the ones he won were oddly secondary
9:10 PM me: wah roh: Pedro starting to SUCK
9:11 PM Kevin: puzzling...
9:12 PM me: Choo: HR
9:13 PM Tucker Carlson: Douchebag
Kevin: i'm on cnn -- gergen says we're winning hearts and minds
9:14 PM me: where?
9:16 PM Stephen Colbert tells graduates: Please don't change the world
shocking:
9:17 PM Padres now losing thanks to a Soto (Monk!) BOMB
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:21 PM Kevin: gergen - wham in europe & canada - dey like our campaign (fools)
9:22 PM shillary - ASSHOLE
me: what did she do - speak?
9:27 PM Kevin: yes
lanny davis is a DICK
9:28 PM they're packing up the furniture lanny - go home
9:29 PM pedro gets a W for da chix - we'll take it
9:35 PM Kevin: arianna huffington is on cnn wondering why mr drucker is so mean to arnold ziffel
9:38 PM breaking news - shillary and barack just spoke on the phone
he probally agreed to be assassinated
it's june after all
9:39 PM me: anything can still happen
Kevin: we all remember what happened in june
she sees dead people (well one anyway)
9:41 PM brain-dead blonde mccain supporter on larry king.... like looking into the eyes of a chicken
9:42 PM my friends... i'm an asshole
(remember to smile)
(try not to act unhinged)
me: dude, he's MAVERICKIAN
Kevin: mccain - post-partisan
yes
9:45 PM lanny - PHOKK YOU
PHOKK
YOU
PHOKK YOU
dats a tasty syrah
me: lanny said dat?
9:46 PM Kevin: no i said dat to lanny - he was a bit taken aback
me: does he have 'the chicken eyes'?
9:47 PM Kevin: no he seems frighteninglylyly lucid
lanny vs the mccain chicken -- asshole vs asshole
me: it's a hole in...two
9:48 PM Kevin: YAY
9:51 PM just switched to sauvignon blanc
dats french for "french phokk whitey sense of entitlement"
9:52 PM me: how many bottles you got open dere?
9:53 PM Kevin: are we counting empties or just ones wif stuff in em?
9:54 PM just finished da boom boom i opened last night
not even midnight yet
what was i to do?
me: yeah, sounds like a no-brainer, which is a good pfing in yer case
9:55 PM Kevin: the anvil waits: now misch vs joe smiff in SF
i am a big believer in da no brainz
me: HYOOOGE EARFQUAKE IN SF
9:56 PM Kevin: theoretically a baseball game could go on forever -- they are testing that notion
9:58 PM me: Padres now officially getting pummeled
9:59 PM Kevin: prollaby shutna brought in che guevara
me: er, no...
10:05 PM Kevin: the fact of the matter is that i am fullashit
10:06 PM you have to give senator clinton a lot of credit for being gracious and sincere
me: yes....?
Kevin: the shillary shill on cnn
FULLASHIT
the fuckin thing SUCKS
10:07 PM me: I'LL DO IT LIVE!
Kevin: will you write it?
10:08 PM me: FUCK YES - I'LL WRITE IT AND I'LL DO IT LIVE!!!
Kevin: deres a black guy shilling for mcbush
the war is not going badly
me: dere's one of dem Uncle Tom's on msnbc, too
10:09 PM Kevin: you cant even do it on tape why would i let you do it live you troglodye homunculus
me: FUCK YOU! I'm going to take off my sports jacket!!
Kevin: oooh
10:10 PM me: Throw my pen, too!!
Kevin: will you snort?
me: SNORT
Kevin: thank you
10:11 PM that was very alpha-male
me: THE FUCKING THING SUCKS!!!
Kevin: arianna huffington prattling on about arnold ziffel again
me: whu?
Kevin: arnold ziffel this arnold ziffel that
you know, the pig on green acres
10:12 PM me: oh - is she on drugs?
Kevin: no but i am
hillary -- go phokk yourself already
me: we knew dat
Kevin: hillary clinton dot com -- tell her what a phokking bushian leech she is
10:13 PM she is very gracious
its not about her
me: Montana smarter than South Dakota - whoulda thunk it?
Kevin: its about her supporters
10:14 PM its about the billions -- no, trillions -- of people who voted for her
10:15 PM me: George "TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS" Will on Colbert tonight....
10:16 PM Kevin: dats a natural fit -- he's a funny funny man
very engaging
me: man of the people
Kevin: warm
10:17 PM me: speaking of assholes: David Brooks
Obama needs to work on the "salad bar at Applebees vote"
Kevin: there it is!
this year's fulcrum
10:18 PM is there grilled chicken on that salad?
because we're not talking to any vegetarians
me: only thing is: there is no salad bar at Applebees
Kevin: shit
10:19 PM well they need to get one now
the coors light can has a special venting device, in case you're buying beer any time soon
10:20 PM that helps to mask the yak piss flavor
10:22 PM me: no idea whut yer talking about, but we're still gonna pass
finally some good news: Duncan D. Hunter has won the Republican primary to compete for his father's House seat in November.
10:23 PM Kevin: that is heartwarmingh
10:26 PM well then...
10:27 PM perhaps it really is bedtime
or i might just be pathetically weak
bluestem in SIXTH
in JUNE
and RISING
see also: the end times
10:28 PM me: see also: Cubs best record in baseball
Kevin: yes
10:29 PM see also: black man thinking he's going to be elected president by the same troglodyte humonculi who voted bush in twice
10:30 PM although your example is probably even more far-fetched
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
i see dead people
Monday, May 12, 2008
Republicans running out of groups to hate on...
You know they will have reached the pinnacle of pettiness then they vote against "Plutocratic Rich White Guys Day"...
"Republicans Vote Against Moms; No Word Yet on Puppies, Kittens."
On Wednesday afternoon, the House had just voted, 412 to 0, to pass H. Res. 1113, "Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mother's Day," when Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), rose in protest.
"Mr. Speaker, I move to reconsider the vote," he announced.
Rep. Kathy Castor (D-Fla.), who has two young daughters, moved to table Tiahrt's request, setting up a revote. This time, 178 Republicans cast their votes against mothers.
"Republicans Vote Against Moms; No Word Yet on Puppies, Kittens."
On Wednesday afternoon, the House had just voted, 412 to 0, to pass H. Res. 1113, "Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mother's Day," when Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), rose in protest.
"Mr. Speaker, I move to reconsider the vote," he announced.
Rep. Kathy Castor (D-Fla.), who has two young daughters, moved to table Tiahrt's request, setting up a revote. This time, 178 Republicans cast their votes against mothers.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
i am shocked... SHOCKED... that this happened in Texas
Man arrested in Texas for trying to cash $360 billion check
FORT WORTH, Texas - Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious — perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off.
FORT WORTH, Texas - Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious — perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
brainzzz shortage: it's an epidemic, folks
*my mother lives here
State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles
Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:03pm EDT
By Michael Peltier
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.
Republican Sen. Carey Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis*, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.
The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version.
In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.
Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested.
The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed.
"It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days."
State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles
Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:03pm EDT
By Michael Peltier
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.
Republican Sen. Carey Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis*, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.
The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version.
In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.
Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested.
The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed.
"It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days."
Monday, April 21, 2008
a celebration of specialness
President Bush Participates in Joint Press Availability with Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom
(Question: when did a press conference become press availability, and when can we have press conferences back? Ed.)
Bush: I'm -- been a pleasure to welcome a good friend to the Oval Office, and had a good discussion. Appreciate our special relationship with Britain, and I believe that the actions we've taken are making it stronger.
All in all, we had a fabulous conversation. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Prime Minister is bringing his wife Sarah up here to the White House. And I'm -- Laura and I are going to cook you up a meal. (Laughter.) Well, we'll eat one with you. (Laughter.) (He's here for eight years -- try the veal. Ed.)
Brownie: It's my profound belief that over many decades, no international partnership has served the world better than the special relationship between our two countries, the United States and the United Kingdom.
Bush: Look, I'm interested in succeeding in Iraq. I mean, it's -- this is a mission that is succeeding on the security front, it's getting better on the economic front, and it's improving on the political front... And so, so long as I'm the President, my measure of success is victory and success.
We got a great relationship. And it's -- we're working on a variety of issues... So it's -- our relationship is very special and it's -- I'm confident future Presidents will keep it that way. There's just such a uniqueness in the relationship. That's not to say you can't have other friends, and we do. But this is a unique relationship, truly is. And I value -- I value my personal friendship, as well as our -- the relationship between our countries.
Look, if there wasn't a personal relationship I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger. (Laughter.) Well done, I might add.
Brownie: I'm very proud to be here today to celebrate a special relationship. In 1941, Winston Churchill met Franklin Roosevelt and inaugurated what is the modern phase of that special relationship... And what I think is fascinating is that over the next few months we will be developing that special relationship in new ways... So this is a special relationship not just of governments, but of peoples. And I look forward to its enhancement at all levels in the years to come...
(Question: when did a press conference become press availability, and when can we have press conferences back? Ed.)
Bush: I'm -- been a pleasure to welcome a good friend to the Oval Office, and had a good discussion. Appreciate our special relationship with Britain, and I believe that the actions we've taken are making it stronger.
All in all, we had a fabulous conversation. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Prime Minister is bringing his wife Sarah up here to the White House. And I'm -- Laura and I are going to cook you up a meal. (Laughter.) Well, we'll eat one with you. (Laughter.) (He's here for eight years -- try the veal. Ed.)
Brownie: It's my profound belief that over many decades, no international partnership has served the world better than the special relationship between our two countries, the United States and the United Kingdom.
Bush: Look, I'm interested in succeeding in Iraq. I mean, it's -- this is a mission that is succeeding on the security front, it's getting better on the economic front, and it's improving on the political front... And so, so long as I'm the President, my measure of success is victory and success.
We got a great relationship. And it's -- we're working on a variety of issues... So it's -- our relationship is very special and it's -- I'm confident future Presidents will keep it that way. There's just such a uniqueness in the relationship. That's not to say you can't have other friends, and we do. But this is a unique relationship, truly is. And I value -- I value my personal friendship, as well as our -- the relationship between our countries.
Look, if there wasn't a personal relationship I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger. (Laughter.) Well done, I might add.
Brownie: I'm very proud to be here today to celebrate a special relationship. In 1941, Winston Churchill met Franklin Roosevelt and inaugurated what is the modern phase of that special relationship... And what I think is fascinating is that over the next few months we will be developing that special relationship in new ways... So this is a special relationship not just of governments, but of peoples. And I look forward to its enhancement at all levels in the years to come...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
one possible explanation
Hot Topics: A controversial, estrogen-like chemical in plastic could be harming the development of children's brains and reproductive organs, a federal health agency concluded in a report released Tuesday...
An ingredient of polycarbonate plastic, BPA is one of the most widely used synthetic chemicals in industry today. It can seep from hard plastic beverage containers such as baby bottles, as well as from liners in cans containing food and infant formula.
An ingredient of polycarbonate plastic, BPA is one of the most widely used synthetic chemicals in industry today. It can seep from hard plastic beverage containers such as baby bottles, as well as from liners in cans containing food and infant formula.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Chip Caray Nails It: Or how to make 4 mistakes in 7 words
In praising Jimy Williams work ethic with young players, said:
"Adam Everett, who is a young, budding star with the Houston Astros..."
Let's see, he plays for Minnesota now.
Not young: he's 31 years old.
Not budding: he has been on a major league roster since 2001.
A star? Ok, the guy is good fielding SS, but his career batting line is .246/.298/.355. He's the definition of "good field, no hit" and has been since he was young and budding.
Chip's bulb is dimmer than Skip's and Harry's, and that is saying A LOT.
However, on the list of Carays I Hate, he only places 3rd:
1) Skip Caray
2) Harry Caray
3) Chip Caray
"Adam Everett, who is a young, budding star with the Houston Astros..."
Let's see, he plays for Minnesota now.
Not young: he's 31 years old.
Not budding: he has been on a major league roster since 2001.
A star? Ok, the guy is good fielding SS, but his career batting line is .246/.298/.355. He's the definition of "good field, no hit" and has been since he was young and budding.
Chip's bulb is dimmer than Skip's and Harry's, and that is saying A LOT.
However, on the list of Carays I Hate, he only places 3rd:
1) Skip Caray
2) Harry Caray
3) Chip Caray
Thursday, April 10, 2008
How are these two things not related?
Has everyones' brainz oozed out of their heads?
Economy drives Bush approval to new low
Public approval of President Bush has dipped to a new low in the Associated Press-Ipsos poll, driven by dissatisfaction with his handling of the economy. A survey released today shows 28 percent approve of the overall job Bush is doing.
Economy drives Bush approval to new low
Public approval of President Bush has dipped to a new low in the Associated Press-Ipsos poll, driven by dissatisfaction with his handling of the economy. A survey released today shows 28 percent approve of the overall job Bush is doing.
McCain even with Obama, Clinton
Republican Sen. John McCain has erased Sen. Barack Obama's 10-point advantage in a head-to-head matchup, leaving him essentially tied with both Democratic candidates.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday Night Is Wine Night (cont'd)
me: did get the FISK results?
did you get
Kevin: yezzur
Sent at 8:13 PM on Monday
me: phokker
Kevin: remarkable yes... i phink so too
Sent at 8:15 PM on Monday
me: Kansas losing another big game?
SHOCKING
Kevin: seems unlikelyu
Sent at 8:22 PM on Monday
me: maybe spoke too soon
Sent at 8:24 PM on Monday
me: Yabu pitched today...
Kevin: non-catostrophically
Sent at 8:26 PM on Monday
me: He will soon be on one of your teams
how's Callix doing?
Sent at 8:29 PM on Monday
me: ovvvvertime
Kevin: callix -- you will see -- everyone will see...
Sent at 8:31 PM on Monday
me: yes, The A.J. Hinch Experience, we know...
Kevin: now you're catching on...
me: i jinxed KanASS in reverse
Sent at 8:37 PM on Monday
me: those phokkers still haven't sent the FISK results
or Big Hurt
phokkers
Kevin: by email? i got all three of mine
sucker!
me: gfy!!
i see the Monks are in 1st though
Horror with a negative run differential...
Kevin: clutch though
me: and a two game losing streak
Kevin: need i add: tied for 1st
me: with 40 other teams
CQs are punchless
and hapless
Kevin: beleaguered?
me: leagueredless
Wyverns, you ask?
Kevin: uh, yeah, why not
me: Tied for 1st
Kevin: with 40 other teams?
me: nope, just phree
Kevin: cool!
me: yeah!
Sent at 8:46 PM on Monday
me: in reversal of fortune, no hitting but lotsa pitching
AND John Bale is available...
Kevin: for a high price
me: nope, just a supp pick
Kevin: thats crazy talk
me: Bill Self didn't choke again? damn
well, tomorrow he will be introduced as the new coach at Oklahoma St.
for $8 MEEEEEllion a year
Sent at 8:51 PM on Monday
me: so the 2nd best team this year is -
Davidson
Sent at 8:53 PM on Monday
me: DICKIE V crying on ESPN... he's going into the Basketball Hall of Fame, BABY!
Kevin: what category?
Sent at 9:02 PM on Monday
Kevin: so when does anthony bourdain come to chicago and vist hot dougs? they can whine rhapsodic about the pleasures of fatty duck liver and bird torture
me: yes. why hasn't he come to Chicago?
he already did the bird torture in Quebec...
followed by the seal torture
Kevin: canucks can torture? mfa... if dat were true dey would run the world instead of us
me: well, they're not real Canadians: da French and da Eskimos
Kevin: cajun inbred seal-clubbing phokks?
Sent at 9:08 PM on Monday
me: da cajun inbreds tortured da ducks, and da eskimos shot a seal and den sliced it up and ate it raw (as in uncooked)
AB got to suck out an eyeball
Kevin: lucky phokker
me: i know - raw seal eyeball? i'd kill for dat
Kevin: if you havent picked it up, the account of that scene in The Nasty Bits is pretty phokkin phonny
me: da Nasty Bits?
Kevin: yezzur
me: uh, and what is dat?
is it on the internets?
Kevin: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-Bits-Collected-Varietal-Usable/dp/1596913606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207628064&sr=1-1
everyphing is on da internets! duh!
me: oh, it's a book. how quaint
not to change the subject, but you want to trade Chris Young back to me?
Kevin: no
but if you have an offer, i'd "listen"
me: what do yas need?
Johnny Cueto?
Kevin: Smelts? Nothing! They rock
me: nuffing huh? what's this i'd listen crap den
Kevin: Oh!!!!!! Here's a shokker... Estabain Loaizer hammered tonight
me: PHOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
U
AND PRINT IT
Sent at 9:20 PM on Monday
me: i blame you:
Derek Jeter will miss at least one game with a strained left quad, but he's not expected to land on the disabled list.
Wilson Betemit will fill in for Jeter on Tuesday and possibly for the rest of the week. The Yankees may call up Alberto Gonzalez to help out defensively if they don't think Jeter will be back within a few days.
Kevin: fair enough
for the record
i blame myself as well
me: right then
Michael Barrett: strained elbow: Chix?
dentist chair tomorrow...
i blame you
Kevin: your dentist crap is not my fault. i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years. its as simple as not picking up the phone. inertia even works in my favor on this one
barrett -- phokk him -- not my prollem -- never wuz -- never will be
Sent at 9:26 PM on Monday
Kevin: tonight: villa maria merlot cabernet
it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent at 9:28 PM on Monday
me: shocking
Kevin: lisa: why do they call you "bleeding gums?"
me: i gotsta BV Coastal Estates Private Cellars 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
Kevin: bleeding gums murphy: let's put it this way... ever been to the dentist?
lisa: yeah
bleeding gums murphy: not me!
lisa: eeeeeew!
bleeding gums murphy: i probly shoud go...
there is a simpsons reference for everything
2003 -- woop-de-phokkin-dew...
me: bleeding gums mcclure - has a ring to it
ok for 9 bucks
Kevin: daing... that's what this AWFUL merlot/cab cost
but da jin jin shiraz -- same price -- always a winner
Sent at 9:34 PM on Monday
me: it's merlot - duh
Kevin: go phokk myself?
me: jin jin - never heard of it
Kevin: da jin jinz -- worf checking out -- screw-off cap!
me: aussie?
Sent at 9:40 PM on Monday
Kevin: of course
goes down like kool-aid at a hot summer cult brainwashing'
dis just in:
i love jeebus
me: well, he did like wine
Kevin: oh yeah -- lotsa drinking going on. even made wine outta nuttin after da likker stores were closed
not unlike smiff
so there was actually college basketball tonight?
meffis won?
me: did you walk on Lake Michigan? Cubs win the World Series?
dint we cover dis - Kansas won in OT
Kevin: jeebus can only do so much
was dat dis year?
seems like a year ago
it went ot? sounds mildly amusing... mebbe i shoulda watched
me: Kansas wuz down 9 points wif 2 minutes left
Kevin: oh well, you know who i HATE? like 98% of the division 1 programs inlcuding the final phokks who were in the phinal phokking phour
me: phshocking
Kevin: if it were possible for them to ALL LOSE, that would make me SO PHOKKING HAPPY
no winner this year!!! everyone sad!!! wo-hoooooo!!!!!
next year is canceled!
the year after -- looking iffy@!
and the kicker is: we're all dead!
me: er, maybe you should go to bed? uh, just askin'
Kevin: nah, feeling great
me: ok, well, da Huskies can't make a tourney run every year, or ever
Sent at 9:50 PM on Monday
Kevin: da huskies will never, ever, ever, ever field a decent basketball team again. the cubs will win the world series before the huskies finish above .500. and the world will be a fiery crispy crackly conflagration before the cubs ever win the world series (see: s#i+ burning up).
Sent at 9:51 PM on Monday
Kevin: so, meffis won?
meffis! it's almost hard to hate them. but somehow, i do
me: well, they killed Martin Luther King, for starters...
Kevin: yes. though it's hard to hold that against this year's team, but somehow, i do
me: especially when the the entire team are darkies
Kevin: Matt Cain: awful. i blame you
me: you knew da risks
sucker
Kevin: da k-mad touch -- everything turns to risk
ok, so it's like, midnight here
dat means, either i go to bed...
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: or, like... what a retard
me: or...more wine?
Kevin: dude i had like a bottle and a half arreddy
and its like... tomorrow
need i add:
me: you should be here - only 10
Kevin: unhinged
yeah, well... by da time i get deres, it would be later den it is now
me: but you could sleep on the plane
Kevin: but i'm a tarrist
dere -- i run rings round ya logically
me: where a hat
Kevin: andy zimmer is eating brainzzz on tv
me: who's?
Kevin: llama
me: tasty
Kevin: he's in bolivia, where, presumably, there is nothing but llama brainzz to eat
me: dey don't eat da rest of da llama?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
dey probly due eat da rest of da llama, but it isn't as funny as da brain-eating part whut gets on da tv
me: dats true - were they raw?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
i phink dey was cooked
me: you said titi and caca - FUNNY STUFF
Kevin: wait -- titicaca
get it?
me: west of chester?
Kevin: no... titicaca
dere is a lake dere an everyding
me: oh, i don't get it den
Mount Titicaca would be funnier
Sent at 10:06 PM on Monday
Kevin: just so you know:
llama tongue... a little chewy
and since its bedtime for me
since, like, it's... tomorrow
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: and the kicker is: i'm dead
yes!
me: maybe, but you and dickie v are still hall of famers in my book
Kevin: yeah but he has been dead longer den me
i just wanna be a ptp'er baby
Sent at 10:11 PM on Monday
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: possibly
me: more booze? any nyquil in da house?
Sent at 10:13 PM on Monday
Kevin is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kevin comes online.
did you get
Kevin: yezzur
Sent at 8:13 PM on Monday
me: phokker
Kevin: remarkable yes... i phink so too
Sent at 8:15 PM on Monday
me: Kansas losing another big game?
SHOCKING
Kevin: seems unlikelyu
Sent at 8:22 PM on Monday
me: maybe spoke too soon
Sent at 8:24 PM on Monday
me: Yabu pitched today...
Kevin: non-catostrophically
Sent at 8:26 PM on Monday
me: He will soon be on one of your teams
how's Callix doing?
Sent at 8:29 PM on Monday
me: ovvvvertime
Kevin: callix -- you will see -- everyone will see...
Sent at 8:31 PM on Monday
me: yes, The A.J. Hinch Experience, we know...
Kevin: now you're catching on...
me: i jinxed KanASS in reverse
Sent at 8:37 PM on Monday
me: those phokkers still haven't sent the FISK results
or Big Hurt
phokkers
Kevin: by email? i got all three of mine
sucker!
me: gfy!!
i see the Monks are in 1st though
Horror with a negative run differential...
Kevin: clutch though
me: and a two game losing streak
Kevin: need i add: tied for 1st
me: with 40 other teams
CQs are punchless
and hapless
Kevin: beleaguered?
me: leagueredless
Wyverns, you ask?
Kevin: uh, yeah, why not
me: Tied for 1st
Kevin: with 40 other teams?
me: nope, just phree
Kevin: cool!
me: yeah!
Sent at 8:46 PM on Monday
me: in reversal of fortune, no hitting but lotsa pitching
AND John Bale is available...
Kevin: for a high price
me: nope, just a supp pick
Kevin: thats crazy talk
me: Bill Self didn't choke again? damn
well, tomorrow he will be introduced as the new coach at Oklahoma St.
for $8 MEEEEEllion a year
Sent at 8:51 PM on Monday
me: so the 2nd best team this year is -
Davidson
Sent at 8:53 PM on Monday
me: DICKIE V crying on ESPN... he's going into the Basketball Hall of Fame, BABY!
Kevin: what category?
Sent at 9:02 PM on Monday
Kevin: so when does anthony bourdain come to chicago and vist hot dougs? they can whine rhapsodic about the pleasures of fatty duck liver and bird torture
me: yes. why hasn't he come to Chicago?
he already did the bird torture in Quebec...
followed by the seal torture
Kevin: canucks can torture? mfa... if dat were true dey would run the world instead of us
me: well, they're not real Canadians: da French and da Eskimos
Kevin: cajun inbred seal-clubbing phokks?
Sent at 9:08 PM on Monday
me: da cajun inbreds tortured da ducks, and da eskimos shot a seal and den sliced it up and ate it raw (as in uncooked)
AB got to suck out an eyeball
Kevin: lucky phokker
me: i know - raw seal eyeball? i'd kill for dat
Kevin: if you havent picked it up, the account of that scene in The Nasty Bits is pretty phokkin phonny
me: da Nasty Bits?
Kevin: yezzur
me: uh, and what is dat?
is it on the internets?
Kevin: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-Bits-Collected-Varietal-Usable/dp/1596913606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207628064&sr=1-1
everyphing is on da internets! duh!
me: oh, it's a book. how quaint
not to change the subject, but you want to trade Chris Young back to me?
Kevin: no
but if you have an offer, i'd "listen"
me: what do yas need?
Johnny Cueto?
Kevin: Smelts? Nothing! They rock
me: nuffing huh? what's this i'd listen crap den
Kevin: Oh!!!!!! Here's a shokker... Estabain Loaizer hammered tonight
me: PHOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
U
AND PRINT IT
Sent at 9:20 PM on Monday
me: i blame you:
Derek Jeter will miss at least one game with a strained left quad, but he's not expected to land on the disabled list.
Wilson Betemit will fill in for Jeter on Tuesday and possibly for the rest of the week. The Yankees may call up Alberto Gonzalez to help out defensively if they don't think Jeter will be back within a few days.
Kevin: fair enough
for the record
i blame myself as well
me: right then
Michael Barrett: strained elbow: Chix?
dentist chair tomorrow...
i blame you
Kevin: your dentist crap is not my fault. i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years. its as simple as not picking up the phone. inertia even works in my favor on this one
barrett -- phokk him -- not my prollem -- never wuz -- never will be
Sent at 9:26 PM on Monday
Kevin: tonight: villa maria merlot cabernet
it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent at 9:28 PM on Monday
me: shocking
Kevin: lisa: why do they call you "bleeding gums?"
me: i gotsta BV Coastal Estates Private Cellars 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
Kevin: bleeding gums murphy: let's put it this way... ever been to the dentist?
lisa: yeah
bleeding gums murphy: not me!
lisa: eeeeeew!
bleeding gums murphy: i probly shoud go...
there is a simpsons reference for everything
2003 -- woop-de-phokkin-dew...
me: bleeding gums mcclure - has a ring to it
ok for 9 bucks
Kevin: daing... that's what this AWFUL merlot/cab cost
but da jin jin shiraz -- same price -- always a winner
Sent at 9:34 PM on Monday
me: it's merlot - duh
Kevin: go phokk myself?
me: jin jin - never heard of it
Kevin: da jin jinz -- worf checking out -- screw-off cap!
me: aussie?
Sent at 9:40 PM on Monday
Kevin: of course
goes down like kool-aid at a hot summer cult brainwashing'
dis just in:
i love jeebus
me: well, he did like wine
Kevin: oh yeah -- lotsa drinking going on. even made wine outta nuttin after da likker stores were closed
not unlike smiff
so there was actually college basketball tonight?
meffis won?
me: did you walk on Lake Michigan? Cubs win the World Series?
dint we cover dis - Kansas won in OT
Kevin: jeebus can only do so much
was dat dis year?
seems like a year ago
it went ot? sounds mildly amusing... mebbe i shoulda watched
me: Kansas wuz down 9 points wif 2 minutes left
Kevin: oh well, you know who i HATE? like 98% of the division 1 programs inlcuding the final phokks who were in the phinal phokking phour
me: phshocking
Kevin: if it were possible for them to ALL LOSE, that would make me SO PHOKKING HAPPY
no winner this year!!! everyone sad!!! wo-hoooooo!!!!!
next year is canceled!
the year after -- looking iffy@!
and the kicker is: we're all dead!
me: er, maybe you should go to bed? uh, just askin'
Kevin: nah, feeling great
me: ok, well, da Huskies can't make a tourney run every year, or ever
Sent at 9:50 PM on Monday
Kevin: da huskies will never, ever, ever, ever field a decent basketball team again. the cubs will win the world series before the huskies finish above .500. and the world will be a fiery crispy crackly conflagration before the cubs ever win the world series (see: s#i+ burning up).
Sent at 9:51 PM on Monday
Kevin: so, meffis won?
meffis! it's almost hard to hate them. but somehow, i do
me: well, they killed Martin Luther King, for starters...
Kevin: yes. though it's hard to hold that against this year's team, but somehow, i do
me: especially when the the entire team are darkies
Kevin: Matt Cain: awful. i blame you
me: you knew da risks
sucker
Kevin: da k-mad touch -- everything turns to risk
ok, so it's like, midnight here
dat means, either i go to bed...
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: or, like... what a retard
me: or...more wine?
Kevin: dude i had like a bottle and a half arreddy
and its like... tomorrow
need i add:
me: you should be here - only 10
Kevin: unhinged
yeah, well... by da time i get deres, it would be later den it is now
me: but you could sleep on the plane
Kevin: but i'm a tarrist
dere -- i run rings round ya logically
me: where a hat
Kevin: andy zimmer is eating brainzzz on tv
me: who's?
Kevin: llama
me: tasty
Kevin: he's in bolivia, where, presumably, there is nothing but llama brainzz to eat
me: dey don't eat da rest of da llama?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
dey probly due eat da rest of da llama, but it isn't as funny as da brain-eating part whut gets on da tv
me: dats true - were they raw?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
i phink dey was cooked
me: you said titi and caca - FUNNY STUFF
Kevin: wait -- titicaca
get it?
me: west of chester?
Kevin: no... titicaca
dere is a lake dere an everyding
me: oh, i don't get it den
Mount Titicaca would be funnier
Sent at 10:06 PM on Monday
Kevin: just so you know:
llama tongue... a little chewy
and since its bedtime for me
since, like, it's... tomorrow
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: and the kicker is: i'm dead
yes!
me: maybe, but you and dickie v are still hall of famers in my book
Kevin: yeah but he has been dead longer den me
i just wanna be a ptp'er baby
Sent at 10:11 PM on Monday
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: possibly
me: more booze? any nyquil in da house?
Sent at 10:13 PM on Monday
Kevin is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kevin comes online.
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