The Smiff Reign of TERROR!!!!

Smiff - a reign of Terror unseen since French Times...

What sticks in the craw.

What makes the rain sad.

What makes ice cream taste like salt.

A pretty girl walks down the street in a yellow dress and you don't even notice.

Defeat.

Defeat, an old unwelcome friend with the chilly embrace and the long thin fingers that unwind across your back. October.

The Wellness Center All-Star League.

Smiff is champion again. Say it with me. Say it one time, say it twice. Say it three times, say it four. Smiff is champion again.

Evil triumphs. The hero is thrown from the horse. The villain has the jewels.

Was it a collapse? Undoubtedly. But to claim it was just a collapse would be to deny the evil genius of a man who never made a waiver claim gone wrong. Who combs the free agent pool leaving gold trails along the discarded names as he plucks the nugget from the rough and washes it to a shine in the MI position. Or in the C2 position.

Holds.

In the long days of summer it seemed the leaves would live forever, so strong they held the sunlight in a gleam and the moonlight in mystery. Joe Mauer would double and the crowd would be disappointed. Lincecum would allow a run to gasps from the crowd. Even Cole Hamels only sucked a little.

And the Lord Viper Scorpians were sucking air. Or did they just plot?

Was this rope-a-dope?

We know what the evil genius would say. But we know also that in the dark night of his soul, a blackness that could only be imagined, like a black hole, or some Vernesian vortex in the middle of some lost ocean, there were many 7 for 37s with a double and a couple rbi. A quarter score of double plays to sicken what gleam of hope attempted to make its way down into the dark depths of the Viper soul.

Yet Smiff plotted. Tireless fingers worked the waiver strings and his master puppeteering began to pay results in the shorter days, the longer, hot August nights.

Smiff was reborn. A Phoenix of the Seventh Circle ascending.

We fought. We traded. We prayed for rain. Hamels began to pitch like an asshole again. In a surprise to nobody, Harden, a wounded bird on a hot porch, foundered with stunted wing. The Cyclones fell, Icarus-like, toward the vortex opening beneath them.

Still they fought. Thrashed. Sighed at the emptiness of a middle infield that Sahara like stretched empty to the farthest horizons. Aye, there was no there there. And yet they walked. Wary eyes on the riders approaching from the rear on the dark horses.

The moon lit their reflections red and for weeks trails were covered up as we hid among the dunes of our early fortune.

But the windstorm of the Viper Elefantes did duel with the Cyclones and fate had it that this is the Wellness Center, and the tie goes to the Champion of long-standing.

This year.

But this year is the bookend to the beginning of a dynasty.

Yes. It is the end.

The Smiff has been bloodied. He needed the miracle of Charbeanaeuan incompetence to save him. What next year when others rise to compete? Will the Foleys don the armor of the noble challenger? Will Kevin fight for the honor of the librarian? Will Desiree finish yet another marathon?

Will the Beej uncover untold riches in the aging lumber of hungry veterans? Will Zak awake to the cries of a child in the early night only to be struck with the inspiration of a real trade offer?

Will the chemists of the West Coast alchemize the gold shield to dismiss the spears of Smiff's genius?

Will it be Corms again, his genius shined after his years in the wilderness of the basement?

It will be some or it will be all of us.

Yes, Smiff will languish in the tower of sorrows.

Smiff,

You will lose. Your race is run. The stops have been put out and you enjoy another fat winter. But the spring rains will be cold this year. And the August nights will be full of the pestering bites of misfortune. September will be the bitter harvest of your evil genius.

You will lose.

You will lose.

You are champion. You will lose.

Fantasy Basketball 08-09

Winner - Briggs

Briggs, who, by his own admission doesn't talk enuff smack, takes the title for the second year in a row after years of runner-upping and a kiss your sister tie.  It was "only" a 20 point win this time around - chink in the armor?  He's already predicting a three peat, which I believe would be unprecedented.

Tie for 2nd - Fungster

Long the "guy in the middle", the guy whose teams would be in the top second half of the standings (table if you're English), Fungster's team finally put it together and made it into the money for the first time ever.  The team had a Briggs described "Fungsurgency" with a few days to go into second place, then nearly fell out of second with horrific end of season play.  Nevertheless, Fung is pleased.

5th place  - Smiff

Smiff continues to prove he's a Roto god by improving on his position and point total in a sport that he knows nuthin about.  He will be a little disappointed that he wasn't able to hold on to 2nd place, a position he held for most of the last month or so, until the "Fungsurgency" occurred.  He retains bragging rights over Sarge, although at this point one wonders what that is worth these days.

Tie for 7th place - Corms

A team wracked by injuries, Corms' team got in by far the fewest amount of games in the league. Nevertheless, there's quality there, as he managed a respectable middle of the table finish.  It shows that last years 3rd place was no fluke.

11th (and final) place - Sarge

Oi.  Or is it Oy? It's been a steady decline for Sarge since the glory days of Parcers 2004.  The Center position seemed to give Sarge fits, and a lot of games were missed there.  Just like in baseball, he's stacking up the young'uns, and hopes to make a run soon.  Will he continue to hold on to Matrix?

Not mentioned:  K-Mad (too sexy for Fantasy Basketball), Corporal (if it doesn't involve da Bears, he doesn't want to know), Ranger (he's the best at what he does, he has no time for anything else).

Smiff: Genius (cont'd)

Finishing with a PERFECT week? I SHOCK myself sometimes...

Standings

Rank	Pick Set Name	Total Points
1	Essence of Smiff	1448
2	Fungster Knows How to Pick 'em	1374
3	Champ	1288
4	GWB Three-Peat	1275
5	Sarge's Infantry	868

another Zeniths' success story

J.J. Barea got another start for the Mavericks on Tuesday, finishing with 21 points, two rebounds and five assists in 40 minutes. The Mavericks will continue to start whichever shooting guard has the hot hand and right now it's Barea. With Josh Howard (ankle) sidelined indefinitely, Barea looks like a great fantasy option over the next week or two.

I'm sure once the Mavs' crummy vets get healthy, "Kid Dyn-O-Mite" will find his way back to the bench after dominating for two weeks. Either that or he'll get traded to somewhere like Nellyland where he'll be placed behind Anthony Morrow on the depth chart. As it is, the stacked Zeniths can't play him anyway...
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