Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Prop 8 - the historical antecedent

In November 1964, an overwhelming 65 percent majority of the state's voters approved Proposition 14, a constitutional amendment that overturned a fair-housing law and allowed racial discrimination in property sales and rentals.

in hindsight, blaring the horn was probably a mistake

Man steals fire truck to drive home for Christmas: police

Police in South Salt Lake, Utah, have arrested a man they say tried to steal a fire truck so he could drive home -- to Washington -- for Christmas.

Detective Gary Keller says firefighters on a medical call heard the $500,000 truck's air horn blaring Monday and ran outside. They found a man in the driver's seat trying to drive away.

Da Mare: Bilandic Lite?

At least in Bilandic's case it took an actual phokking blizzard to bring him down.

Residents (Fung?) demand: plow my block

"Isn't this supposed to be Chicago, the city that works?. . . Works my foot!"*

Matt SMIFF, spokesman for the city's department of Streets and Sanitation, defended the city's plowing of side streets. He said city crews hit the side streets three times last week, the third time Saturday night to spread salt to handle the arctic weather. The city was planning to plow side streets after rush hour Tuesday night, depending on how the latest winter storm evolved.

The city, the Illinois Department of Transportation and the Illinois Tollway all had their full fleets of trucks out to handle Tuesday's storm, which produced up to four inches of snow. Freezing rain was expected overnight, with more snow forecast for today.

"People need to understand the weather we had was exceptionally harsh," said Smiff (LAME... Ed.), who said city residents can call 311 to report problems on their streets. . .

* Sounds like a sanitized version. What she probably actually said: "Isn't dis 'sposed to be Chicago, Da City Dat Works? My phokking @SS!"

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

War on Christmas (cont)

Perhaps the folks at Faux Noise should go after dese guys instead of the "happy holidays" folks over here...

Christmas turkeys fall prey to Taliban bomb
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN Dec 19 2008 13:44

A lorry (dead giveaway that this isn't an American writing - ed) load of Christmas turkeys for British troops in Afghanistan has fallen victim to a roadside bomb planted by Taliban insurgents, it was reported Friday. The frozen birds were completely destroyed in an explosion on route from Pakistan to British headquarters at Camp Bastion in the volatile Helmand province in southern Afghanistan.

The Ministry of Defence in London said a consignment of replacement birds had been flown out to make up for the loss and ensure that the traditional Christmas dinner for troops can go ahead. -- Sapa-dp

Hardy Har Har

OK, which one of you comedians put this on my keyboard?

Nuff Sed

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm disappointed that none of Smiff's zingers made it

Most Outrageous Comments of 2008

you don't have to get drunk and sit outside in zero degrees for four hours watching the Bears suck to develop numbness in the upper extremity

Early Miscalculations

On the eve of the invasion, as it began to dawn on a few officials that the price for rebuilding Iraq would be vastly greater than they had been told, the degree of miscalculation was illustrated in an encounter between Donald H. Rumsfeld, then the defense secretary, and Jay Garner, a retired lieutenant general who had hastily been named the chief of what would be a short-lived civilian authority called the Office of Reconstruction and Humanitarian Assistance.

The history records how Mr. Garner presented Mr. Rumsfeld with several rebuilding plans, including one that would include projects across Iraq.

“What do you think that’ll cost?” Mr. Rumsfeld asked of the more expansive plan.

“I think it’s going to cost billions of dollars,” Mr. Garner said.

“My friend,” Mr. Rumsfeld replied, “if you think we’re going to spend a billion dollars of our money over there, you are sadly mistaken.”

since when has "numbness in the upper extremity" been a warning sign for Bears fans?

Cold may be unbearable
Football fans are warned over added perils of alcohol
(UnBEARable! Get it? Funny stuff... Ed...)

Booze and the Bears go together naturally for many fans at Soldier Field, but an expert warns that may be a dangerous combination on a frigid Monday night.

With the windchill expected to make lakefront temperatures feel like around zero during the Bears-Packers game, the commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health warned fans to beware the dangers of alcohol.

Alcohol makes blood vessels dilate and stretch, allowing body heat to escape more quickly, said Dr. Terry Mason. . .

"It doesn't take very long to get cold," he said. "Don't wait until your extremities start to feel numb. . ."

"Unfortunately, it's going to be pretty darn cold," said meteorologist Eric Lenning.


Cheney acknowledged that he had disagreed with Bush's decision to remove embattled Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld in late 2006, saying that "the president doesn't always take my advice."

"I was a Rumsfeld man," Cheney said. "I'd helped recruit him, and I thought he did a good job for us."

"Go phokk yourself," he added, beating a slithery retreat to his underground lair before risking exposure to the purifying rays of the sun.

How the International Bush Disaster is helping one independent entrepreneur

By the way, the first entrepreneur was quite evidently a French Phokk... a little mayonnaise for thought to go with our Freedom Fries...

‘Bush Shoe’ Gives Firm a Footing in the Market

(Footing! Get it? Hah - good one... Ed...)

ISTANBUL — When a pair of black leather oxfords hurled at President Bush in Baghdad produced a gasp heard around the world, a Turkish cobbler had a different reaction: They were his shoes.

“We have been producing that specific style, which I personally designed, for 10 years, so I couldn’t have missed it, no way,” said Ramazan Baydan, a shoemaker in Istanbul. “As a shoemaker, you understand.”

Although his assertion has been impossible to verify — cobblers from Lebanon, China and Iraq have also staked claims to what is quickly becoming some of the most famous footwear in the world — orders for Mr. Baydan’s shoes, formerly known as Ducati Model 271 and since renamed “The Bush Shoe,” have poured in from around the world.

A new run of 15,000 pairs, destined for Iraq, went into production on Thursday, he said. A British distributor has asked to become the Baydan Shoe Company’s European sales representative, with a first order of 95,000 pairs, and an American company (Gitmo-bound? Ed.) has placed an order for 18,000 pairs. Four distributors are competing to represent the company in Iraq, where Baydan sold 19,000 pairs of this model for about $40 each last year. . .

Sunday, December 21, 2008

not to pick on an easy target...

but Andy Rooney is colossally, titanically, flamboyantly brain-dead. And he stole the Sears-Roebuck joke from George Carlin. Here's an observation: most of the crap in holiday catalogs is s#i+ that would never interest you in a meeelllion years. The difference between my observation and Andy Rooney's is that I didn't make five figures over two minutes making it.

Signs of the Apocalypse?

Sports bulletin: Blackhawks (who?) win 7 in a row, 15 players weren't born yet the last time that happened.
sKILLy bulletin: -3 degrees. Fahrenheit. That would be -20 degrees Centigrade.

Oh, no, wait, that's hell freezing over. My bad.