Saturday, August 30, 2008

What's this, like a BEEEEEEllion Zimbabwean dollars?

Mugabe hands Olympic medalist $100,000 cash reward / Fri Aug 29, 12:38 PM ET

Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe on Friday handed the country's only Olympic medalist in Beijing a $100,000 cash reward for her performance at the games. Swimmer Kirsty Coventry smashed the world record to win gold in the women's 200 meters backstroke. She also captured three silver medals. Mugabe handed the U.S-based swimmer the cash at a ceremony in Harare carried live on state television.

"Our national spirit must exude joy and pleasure and say you have done well, daughter of Zimbabwe. We are proud of you, we wish you well. She's our golden girl ... take care of her," he said at the ceremony. The U.S. dollars, scarce in a country struggling with an economic crisis marked by a severe shortage of foreign currency, were carried in a briefcase by Zimbabwe's central bank governor. Other members of Zimbabwe's Olympic team received between $2,000 and $10,000 each.

With each player move, Asstros GM Ed Wade solidifies his status as the most idiotic GM in baseball (non-Brian Sabean Division)

Astros signed RHP Brian Moehler to a one-year, $2.3 million contract extension with a mutual option for 2010.
Moehler has been the Astros' biggest surprise this year, somehow managing to maintain an ERA under 4.00 two years after amassing a 6.57 ERA as a starter for the Marlins. That he's turning 37 in December and has an abysmal strikeout rate doesn't bode well for his chances of keeping it up in 2009. He'll probably be penciled into the rotation, but it'd be no surprise to see him off the roster by Memorial Day.

Astros signed outfielder Darin Erstad to a one-year, $1.75 million contract extension for 2009.
The Astros remain very much content with mediocrity. Because he's a left-handed hitter backing up a left-handed hitter, Erstad wasn't a great fit for the Astros in the first place. He's actually done a pretty good job, posting a .293/.325/.384 line in 263 at-bats. However, he's no longer a basestealer, he's lost a little something on defense and there's little chance his power is coming back.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Hell freezes over?

Pat Buchanan: “I stand with Obama! It was a genuinely outstanding speech, it was magnificent. I saw Cuomo’s speech, I saw Kennedy in ‘80, I even saw Douglas MacArthur, I saw MLK; this is the greatest convention speech and probably the most important because unlike Cuomo and the others, this was an acceptance speech, this came out of the heart of America, and he went right at the heart of America. This wasn’t a liberal speech at all. This is a deeply, deeply centrist speech. It had wit, it had humor, and when he used the needle on McCain, he stuck it into McCain and it was funny. It was Kennedy’s speech in ‘80. I laughed with Kennedy when he was needling Ronald Reagan.”

da fix is in - dat's Da Chicago Way

Alfonso Soriano broke a tie with a solo homer in the bottom of the seventh to help the Cubs beat the Phillies 3-2 on Friday.
The Phillies have reason to be upset after this one. The Cubs tied it on a bases-loaded walk from Scott Eyre that surprised even Kosuke Fukudome, who stared at a pitch at his knees and then held up four fingers questioning whether umpire Bill Welke had in fact called it a ball. The Phillies later should have went back ahead in the top of the seventh, but what would have been an RBI infield single for Ryan Howard was called the third out when Chris Guccione blew the close call at first base. Soriano put the Cubs on top for good in the bottom of the seventh, earning Jeff Samardzija (who would have given up the go-ahead run) his first major league victory.

Bill Kristol is a joker

"Never before have we had someone running for President in a time of war who was so unqualified to be Commander-in-Chief." --BK, on Barack Obama, July 20

"I actually think Sarah Palin would be a great vice-presidential pick." --BK, June 29

Remember, this guy writes a column for the New York Times...and you don't.

SHOCKING new short film about Smiff

Smiff Gone Wild


easy enough...

The Ozzie Guillen of Capitol Hill

Romney Blasts McCain's Out of Control Temper

Romney's top 10 list includes some of McCain's greatest hits - literally. In addition to dropping the f-bomb on fellow Republican Senators Chuck Grassley (R-IA) and John Cornyn (R-TX), McCain "repeatedly" called New Mexico's Pete Domenici an "a**hole." While the Romney list features some comparatively minor McCain blow-ups towards Dick Cheney, Mitch McConnell and other leading lights of the GOP, it also claims that in 1995, John McCain "had a scuffle" with then 92-year old Strom Thurmond.

polar bears - in the way of our oil... and probably quite delicious

Shocking Choice by John McCain

Sarah Palin, whose husband works for BP, has repeatedly put special interests first when it comes to the environment. In her scant two years as governor, she has lobbied aggressively to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to drilling, pushed for more drilling off of Alaska's coasts, and put special interests above science. Ms. Palin has made it clear through her actions that she is unwilling to do even as much as the Bush administration to address the impacts of global warming. Her most recent effort has been to sue the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to remove the polar bear from the endangered species list, putting Big Oil before sound science. As unbelievable as this may sound, this actually puts her to the right of the Bush administration.

Disturbing things posted on the Youtubes

Disturbing things heard on the Radio

Internet radio really. Apparently, Kenny G covered "The way you move" From wiki:

In 2005, Saxophonist Kenny G and Funk legends Earth, Wind, & Fire released a cover of the song "The Way You Move" with Philip Bailey (is this the first thing he's done since "Easy Lover" with Phil Collins in like the 80's?) and Maurice White on vocals. The song appears on Kenny G's At Last... The Duets Album and Earth, Wind, & Fire's 2005 album Illumination.

Ebert to Mariotti

Go phokk yourself.

Happy Birthday!

Michael "wacko jacko" "king of pop" "gloved one" Jackson - 50
"I destroyed New Orleans and exposed Brownie, Bushie and the rest of 'em" Katrina - 3

Fung would look up other birthdays for today, but he don't wanna.

that's a beleaguered cat

Cat survives seven weeks behind neighbour's bathtub

Mama Smiff doesn't believe in pitch counts...

"Why did Charlie Manuel take Cole Hamels out when he was pitching so well? Surely he could have gone one more inning to get to Brad Lidge. What a waste of good pitching. What bad managing. What a bunch of clod relievers."

Clod relievers led by terminal SUCKS sufferer Ryan Madson, who totally, totally SUCKED!

Only a maverick would make such a maverick move!

McCain chooses polar bear from Alaska for V.P.

battle of the credibility-free lying liars

Hard to know who to believe when the whole world is fullas#i+...

Putin Accuses U.S. In Georgia War
Russia PM Suspects War Linked To Presidential Campaign; White House Dismisses Claim As "Patently False"

Putin, the former president and architect of an assertive foreign policy that has stoked East-West tension, suggested in an interview with CNN that there was an American presence amid the combat with a potential domestic U.S. political motive.

"We have serious grounds to think that there were U.S. citizens right in the combat zone" during Russia's war with the U.S.-allied ex-Soviet republic, he said the interview broadcast on state-run Russian television.
. . .

"If my guesses are confirmed, then that raises the suspicion that somebody in the United States purposefully created this conflict with the aim of aggravating the situation and creating an advantage ... for one of the candidates in the battle for the post of U.S. president."
. . .

White House press secretary Dana Perino called Putin's contentions "patently false."

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What's up, America?

Today's Top Searches
1. Shannen Doherty
2. Elizabeth Banks
3. Barack Obama
4. Jenna Dewan
5. College Football
6. Martin Luther King
7. Burn After Reading
8. Snoring
9. Enchilada Recipes
10. Komodo Dragon

Smiff making a move


(Average Team 2008 ESPN: 329.3413)
Owner Team Name 2008 ESPN
1. ddanyc Mass Hysteria 553
2. kcshankd Tony Pena's Glove or Ditka? 544
3. lincarnate The Benji Gil All-Stars 542
4. KennyChng BAWG 533
5. krukker Deadwood Drunks IV: The Awfulness 530
6. tbwhite Sultans of Suck 527
7. aardvark Team (S)crappy 522
8. dantroy Brian Sabean's Fresh Start 519
8. Junker23 Str8 Ballaz Fo Realz 519
10. jkeri Marlo Stanfield's Re-Ups 518


Corms was wrong - he is missed

"We wish Jay well and will miss him — not personally, of course — but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days."
-- Chicago Scum-Slimes editor Michael Cooke

cuz we believe in, like, freedom an' s#i+...

It started innocently enough: Qatar-based al-Jazeera decided it would film the locals in Golden, the home of Coors beer, as they watched the convention from a biker bar Wednesday night. This would allow al-Jazeera's viewers to see Bill Clinton and Joe Biden through the eyes of those in a small American town that could pass as a set for a Hollywood Western.

City leaders at first offered to host a pork-free barbecue for the Jazeera crew, then abandoned that plan when angry residents protested. But the Buffalo Rose, a 150-year-old saloon here catering to bikers, offered to let al-Jazeera broadcast from its bar.

The result: a sort of 21st-century shootout at the O.K. Corral on Wednesday night under the shadow of Lookout Mountain, where Buffalo Bill is buried.

Word spread that three rival biker gangs -- the Sons of Silence, the Banditos and the Hell's Angels -- declared a truce for the night so they could meet at the Buffalo Rose in a united protest against al-Jazeera. But the network stood its ground and set up its cameras.

Across the street from the bar, two dozen protesters under the watchful eye of a statue of Adolph Coors waved American flags, blew air horns and revved motorcycle engines. "Al Jazeera is terrorism," announced one sign. "Go home, Al Jazeera -- Voices for al Qaeda and bin Laden," proclaimed another. The protesters had shirts printed up for the occasion, saying "Buffalo Rose/Tokyo Rose" in English and Arabic, although they botched the Arabic translation.

One biker covered his T-shirt in thoughtful, handwritten messages, such as "Islam Sucks" and "Al-Jazeera: Anti-American Pond Scum."
. . .

The regulars at Buffalo Rose took the Qatari invasion, and the demonstration, in stride. "Al-Jazeera? Is he here? Where is he?" inquired Travis Henry, sipping a Bud Light. (Of course he was... Ed.)
. . .

The leader of this would-be terrorist cell: al-Jazeera's Josh Rushing, a Texas-born Marine veteran who wears blue jeans and cowboy boots. "I guess you could call it a mild jihad for the truth," said Rushing, sipping a latte. (Of course he was... Ed.) Wearily, he added, "This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened."
. . .

City Manager Mike Bestor, before he rescinded his barbecue offer, called the al-Jazeera visit a way to "show Arab viewers what Americans are like." For better or worse, Golden seems to be doing just that...


Or - maybe he just forgot?

News item: Republican presidential candidate John McCain has apparently decided on his candidate for vice president. CNN reported this morning that McCain had made up his mind and would call the winner and those on the short list who were not chosen sometime today. McCain told a Pennsylvania radio station earlier today he was still trying to making up his mind. "I haven't decided yet, so I can't tell you," McCain told KDKA in Pittsburgh. It's possible that both reports are correct, since the CNN report came several hours after McCain's comments.

the wit and wisdom of Snohomish County Republicans

Snohomish County GOP pulls "$3 bills" smearing Obama from fair booth

The head of the Snohomish County Republican Party apologized Tuesday after the organization's booth at the Evergreen State Fair in Monroe sold "$3 bills" depicting Barack Obama wearing Arab headgear and featuring a camel.

Geri Modrell, the Snohomish County Republican chairwoman, said a volunteer had brought the bills to the fair thinking they were funny...

The $3 bills, which are sold on a conservative Web site, feature signatures from "Teddy Kennedy" as chief socialism adviser and Al Sharpton as new spiritual adviser. Obama's face, in the traditional Arab headgear, is pictured above the words "Da man..."

"This was not an official act of the party," said Modrell. "I apologize for any misunderstanding."

I'm sorry, was there a misunderstanding? The only thing I misunderstand is where the phokking misunderstanding might have been. I think everyone understands. And I guess by "any" misunderstanding, you also understand that there might not have been a misunderstanding. But thanks for the lame non-apology apology.

Sarge's PARCers offseason gets rougher still

In perhaps the biggest setback of a difficult summer for the Warriors, team officials confirmed Wednesday that [Monta] Ellis -- just awarded one of the biggest pay raises in league history -- will be sidelined at least three months after suffering a severe high ankle sprain in his hometown of Jackson, Miss.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

on the plus side, if you have enough of them you'll lose track of the carnage unfolding on tv

Put on your Huskie best and gather with fellow alumni to watch the game on the big screens... Goose Island will be serving a special Huskie Ale...

And we all remember, the 1969 Cubs were assassinated in September...

News item: Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton today told her delegates they were free to vote for Sen. Barack Obama during tonight's nominating roll call, but she did not direct them to do so. "I am here to release you as my delegates," Clinton told her supporters at the Convention Center in Denver. Many responded with shouts of "No, no." She added, to cheers, "I am not telling you what to do."

I dunno, he's seems trustworthy to me...also, folksy! I would like to have a beer with the man...

Ok, ok, the guy needs a feeding tube...

so good it's worth another look

Weather Channel boss calls global warming 'the greatest scam in history

"It is the greatest scam in history. I am amazed, appalled and highly offended by it. Global Warming; It is a SCAM..."

"Some dastardly scientists with environmental and political motives manipulated long term scientific data to create in [sic] allusion [sic] of rapid global warming." (MORANS! Ed.)

"Other scientists of the same environmental whacko type jumped into the circle to support and broaden the "research" to further enhance the totally slanted, bogus global warming claims. Their friends in government steered huge research grants their way to keep the movement going. Soon they claimed to be a consensus.

"Environmental extremists, notable politicians among them, then teamed up with movie, media and other liberal, environmentalist journalists to create this wild "scientific" scenario of the civilization threatening environmental consequences from Global Warming unless we adhere to their radical agenda.

"Now their ridiculous manipulated science has been accepted as fact and become a cornerstone issue for CNN, CBS, NBC, the Democratic Political Party, the Governor of California (ruh-roh -- ix-nay on the ash-baying of the overnator-gay... Ed.), school teachers and, in many cases, well informed but very gullible environmental conscientious (sic - yes this is English) citizens.

"I have read dozens of scientific papers. I have talked with numerous scientists. I have studied. I have thought about it. I know I am correct.

"There is no run away climate change. The impact of humans on climate is not catastrophic. Our planet is not in peril." (Yay! Ed.)

Yep, K-Mad has him...

Cameron Maybin has been sidelined at Double-A after being bit on the face by a spider.
That's a new one. Maybin has been out for the past five days after missing time with a back injury earlier in the season. In between injuries he's hit .278/.374/.465 with 13 homers, 20 steals and a 115/56 K/BB ratio in 101 games to retain his status as one of the game's top outfield prospects.

this is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

On the plus side, it will make access to da oil down dere so much easier...

Scientists Report Further Shrinking of Arctic Ice
Area Is Close To All-Time Low

Arctic sea ice has shrunk to the second-lowest level since record-keeping began three decades ago, a group of international researchers determined yesterday, a revelation underscoring how rapidly climate change is transforming ecosystems in northern latitudes.

The extent of Arctic sea ice is now 2 million square miles below the long-term average for Aug. 26, according to the International Arctic Research Center and the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency, a figure that is within 400,000 square miles of the all-time record low set in September 2007. This figure is already below the long-term average for September ice cover and because the ice traditionally reaches its minimum level in mid-September, researchers warned that a new low might be recorded within weeks.

I look forward to Hawk and DJ's gloating farewell tribute

Jay Mariotti, the opinionated and polarizing sports "columnist" for the Chicago Sun-Times, has resigned after 17 years with the "paper," he told the Tribune on Tuesday night.

Just back from Beijing, where he "covered" the Olympics, Mariotti said in a phone interview that he decided to quit after it became clear while in China that sports journalism had become "entirely a Web site business. There were not many newspapers there." He added that most of the journalists covering the Games were "there writing for Web sites." (Waaaaaaaaaaah... Ed.)

Mariotti, whose public battles with fellow staffers, team owners, managers, coaches and rival columnists are legendary, didn't disclose any specific plans except to say he will continue doing his regular stint on ESPN's "Around the Horn."

He said he "is talking with a lot of Web sites" and added that the future of his business "sadly is not in newspapers."

wind power - just too difficult compared to drilling offshore or smashing atoms

An Energy Department plan to get 20 percent of the nation's electricity from wind calls for a high-voltage backbone that would span the country. It would use technology similar to 2,100 miles of power lines, mostly in Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia and Indiana, that are already operated by a company called American Electric Power.

The cost would be high - $60 billion or more (five months in Iraq - Ed.) - but in theory could be spread across many years and many millions of customers who would benefit from access to new power sources. However, in most states, rules used by public service commissions to evaluate transmission investments discourage multi-state projects of this sort. In some states with low electric rates, officials fear that new lines will simply export their cheap power and drive up prices.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Things That Suck: The New York Mets (cont'd)

Chris Coste collected four hits on Tuesday night, the last of which drove in Shane Victorino with the winning run in an 8-7, 13-inning victory over the Mets that propelled the Phillies into first place in the AL East.
Coste didn't start in the game, but came on as a pinch-hitter in the eighth and delivered in all four of his at-bats. It was an extremely impressive game for the Phillies, who fell behind 7-0 early on but battled their way back and eventually tied the game on a pinch-hit RBI double from Eric Bruntlett with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. Victorino had tripled to lead off the thirteenth inning, at which point the Mets intentionally walked two straight hitters to get to the pitcher's slot. With the Phillies out of position players, Brett Myers pinch-hit and struck out, but Coste poked a ball over Carlos Beltran's head in the next at-bat to send the Phillies home victorious.

LoC heresy: how I'd make baseball better

Or what I'd do if I were told that I was designing a baseball league to break up MLB's monopoly. To start:

1. No infield fly rule. An infield popup is weaksauce. If it turns into an easy double-play, so what? The pitcher earned it by making the batter pop up! This would take away one of the big advantages of "groundball pitchers", thus opening up more places for "flyball pitchers". And most importantly, the least exciting play in baseball is immediately transformed into the most-exciting play.

2. No DH. Duh.

3. Knock down the outfield fences and replace them with a line on the ground. If a ball is caught behind the line, it's a live ball, i.e., the batter is not out -- but he had better be running if he wants a triple or home run. Like getting rid of the infield fly rule, this replaces a boring dead-ball play with an exciting play. Strong-armed outfielders and hitters who combine power with speed see their value go way up.

4. Possible rule changes to enable/refine rule change #3. Depending on how it seems to work with the baserunning, there might be need for a second line, closer to the plate (maybe 50 feet closer?). A ball hit in the air past this second line would free runners to advance as far as they want, i.e., they couldn't be "doubled off" -- however, the batter is still out on a ball caught on the fly between the two lines.

Sure, the changes are crazy, but they introduce a lot more running, a lot more intrigue on the basepaths, and a lot more action generally...and dare I say "fun". (And don't go all purist on me...I'll just say, "fine, this isn't 'baseball'".)

What other rule changes would you imagine to create a different version of baseball that might compete successfully on the market?

So... a 3% chance the world will end on November 4th

Ted (San Francisco): What are the odds of a magical synergy striking Chicago and bringing us an Obama victory shortly following a White Sox World Series win?

Nate Silver: We have the
White Sox at about 73% to make the playoffs, and they'll win the playoffs about 1 out of every 8 times that they get there, so that works out to a 9% chance of winning the World Series. And Obama is maybe 55% to win the election. So we're looking at about a 5% chance for the parlay, or roughly 20:1 against. The probability of having an El-Train Series (Cubs-Sox) and Obama winning the White House is about 3%, or 32:1 against.

so many ways to say 'We SUCK'

BREAKING NEWS: Widespread airline backups
Metra service restored after train kills woman
Robber shoots self in foot -- then gets stabbed
Is Paula Abdul on the way out?
Bears QB Rex Grossman on his demotion: 'I'll never fully get over it'
Crazy hats at the DNC--PICS
Bush urges Russia to reconsider 'irresponsible decision'
Iraq demands 'specific deadline' for pullout of foreign troops
Obama: Cub fans 'not serious'
Northwestern 11 point favorite over Syracuse

Reporting on replay seems to suck

I haven't seen anyone address what is the most obvious question to me -- if the umps signal a home run and a player slows to a trot, the outfielder throws the ball in and the player is tagged, is he out if the replay shows it is not a home run? In other words, are the players now in the position of having to disregard a home run call? And if they are not in that position, does this mean that replay will only serve to turn non-HRs into home runs, but not to turn home runs into base hits?

Further Evidence of the Idiocrazation of America

Only 74% of "baseball fans" chose Hank Aaron as the greatest Brave of all-time. Eddie Mathews slighted as well. People are morans.

1) Who is the all-time greatest player in Braves history?
73.9% Hank Aaron (1954-1974):The most consistent player in MLB history. All-time RBI and total bases leader. 755 HRs.
7.2% Greg Maddux (1993-2003):Won four Cy Youngs in a row during mid-90s.
5.7% Chipper Jones (1993-present):One of the top three switch-hitters in MLB history.
4.9% Warren Spahn (1942-1964):Won 356 games with Braves.
3.2% John Smoltz (1988-present):Converted from ace starter to ace closer and back.
3.0% Dale Murphy (1976-1990):Back-to-back MVP seasons in 1982 and 1983.
0.7% Tom Glavine (1987-2002, 2008):Won 20 or more games five times with Atlanta.
0.6% Eddie Mathews (1952-1966):512 home runs rank him 20th all time.
0.4% Phil Niekro (1964-1983, 1987):Knuckleballer's 24-year career started and ended with the Braves.
0.2% Andruw Jones (1996-2007):Elite defensive outfielder hit 51 home runs in 2005.


That's So America (cont)

League bans 9-year-old pitcher because he's too good

NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) _ Nine-year-old Jericho Scott is a good baseball player — too good, it turns out.The right-hander has a fastball that tops out at about 40 mph. He throws so hard that the Youth Baseball League of New Haven told his coach that the boy could not pitch any more.

"He is a very skilled player, a very hard thrower," Noble said. "There are a lot of beginners. This is not a high-powered league. This is a developmental league whose main purpose is to promote the sport.

"Noble acknowledged that Jericho had not beaned any batters in the co-ed league of 8- to 10-year-olds, but say parents expressed safety concerns.

"Facing that kind of speed" is frightening for beginning players, Noble said.

Now, Fung remembers back in the day when he first started playing cricket. Or Rugby. Or any other damned sport. Everybody was bigger than me. Sometimes you played someone and that ball came whizzing thru way faster than the guys we played last week. Or they were so much bigger that they just crushed you. Now, did we quit? No! We strove to make ourselves better. We didn't go and ask them to take that guy out coz he bowled too fast or crushed the phokk out of the ball.

This is why everybody's just gonna blow by us. This is why we are in decline. This is why we need to move to New Zealand.

LA Times channeling Smiff's per capita medal count idea

Canada is redeemed, and Azerbaijan is making us look sick, but the Bahamas rule.

Not to beat the dead horse of Chicago sports "journalism" to death, but by comparison, one of the highlights of the Tribune's coverage of the Olympics was the observation that Chinese women carry umbrellas rain or shine.

Facebook News

Corms Concedes Scrabulous/Wordscraper
Bombards Fungster with "requests"

It appears that Corms has conceded the dominance of the Fungster in the Scrabulous/Wordscraper world. Fungster had at least two double digit winning streaks, and Corms apparently decided that was enuff. So he started bombarding the Fungster with requests to install udder applications. Scramble? Knighthood? (lil) Green Patch? Nations? Birthday Reminder? (I don't get this one, I mean, doesn't Facebook already tell you whose birthday is coming up?)

In any case, this new strategy has been fruitful. Fungster, the competitive sucker that he is, started up on scramble (which also sounds suspiciously like Scrabble). And got DESTROYED. In Fung's defence, that was his first go-around. Corms has many rounds around his belt. It also requires 3 consecutive minutes of concentration. Two problems: 1. ADD. 2. Can't get that kinda time @ work. So, methinks Fung is screwed...

Monday, August 25, 2008

America's favorite food can now be enjoyed anywhere! Snack on the GO!!

Fully Cooked, Ready to Eat, Canned Bacon.

Each can contains 40 - 50 slices and weighs 9 oz.

- 10 Year Shelf-Life (dependant upon storage conditions)
- 100% US Bacon, packed in the US

The bacon is cooked prior to canning, so you won’t pay for all of the natural shrinkage that occurs whenever you cook bacon.

Take some with you when you go camping, hiking or hunting - keep a case in the boat, RV, cabin or anywhere that you may need to prepare a meal but don’t have refrigeration!

Ingredients: Pork, Water, Salt, Sugar, Smoke Flavoring, Sodium Phosphates, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite.

Ozzie at it again

Ozzie Guillen Fined $10,000 For What He Just Thought

CHICAGO—MLB disciplinary officials announced that Ozzie Guillen would be fined $10,000 and ordered to undergo sensitivity psychoanalysis for the "irresponsible, offensive, and completely unacceptable" thoughts that passed through the White Sox manager's mind during Wednesday night's game.

"During the fourth inning of yesterday's White Sox-Yankees contest, Mr. Guillen's mind conjured a series of insensitive, wildly inappropriate—I would even go so far as to say depraved—thoughts and images," said Bob Watson, MLB vice president of on-field discipline. "Baseball is a social institution with a responsibility to espouse proper values, and there is absolutely no excuse for anyone to entertain thoughts which portray people in a negative or demeaning light, regardless of their race, color, creed, culture, sexual orientation, gender, weight, or personal beliefs."

"Major League Baseball would like to offer its most profound, heartfelt apologies to those portrayed inappropriately in Mr. Guillen's mind, including African-Americans, Cuban-Americans, Caucasian-Americans, Dominican-Americans, 'immigrants,' the sportswriting community, the gay community, the White Sox fan community, the communities of Schaumburg, IL and New York City, the umpiring crew, Yankee right-fielder Bobby Abreu and his female relatives, members of the Peace Corps, and women—particularly the female fan seated in Section 32, Row B, Seat 7," Watson added....

Apparently, this explains a lot

song chart memes
more graph humor and song chart memes

We're #.....23?

Denmark 'happiest place on earth'

Well, if you weren't gonna be #1, may as well be Jordan's #...

Meanwhile, whitey continues to pile on by placing Zimbabwe close to the bottom of the list. Funny how you hear way more about the second to last country than the very bottom one...

I agree

And make it China's too, so shoddy work like the sign above can be avoided...

it's not a loophole, it's a stimulus

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Tax and accounting loopholes that largely benefit rich taxpayers and companies cost the government $20 beelllion a year (holy phokking s#i+, 20 beeelllion, that's like, several weeks in Iraq - Ed.) even as the pay gap between chief executives and employees has widened, two groups said on Monday...

The report said large U.S. companies paid CEOs an average $10.5 meelllion in compensation last year, 344 times what the average worker earned.

That gap is expected to grow as the industries adding workers are those with the biggest pay gaps, the groups said. (Yay! Ed.)

LOL Cats, explained

The history of I Can Has Cheezburger

McCain campaign theme?

Buying up homes is good for the economy - he's just being patriotic.

Home buyers hold fate of U.S. economy

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The willingness and ability of Americans to come back into the housing market over the next few months will determine whether the U.S. economy experiences a mild downturn or the deepest recession in 30 years.

Many economists say that home prices have another 10 percent to fall to bring them into balance with rents and incomes. A fall of that magnitude would elicit a huge sigh of relief from Wall Street and Washington.

But it wouldn't take much -- a further clampdown by private lenders or a meltdown at mortgage finance companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac -- to push home prices down much more severely, perhaps more than 20 percent.

"That's how you could quickly get into this darker scenario," said Mark Zandi, chief economist with Moody's

The telegraph: one of the few things older than John McCain

Why the phokk is this news (cont)?

Kattan, wife of 8 weeks separate

Sunday, August 24, 2008

How is K-Mad to blame?

24/08/2008 | 09:41

Breaking News! Iceland Earns Silver at Olympics

The Icelandic men’s handball team lost 28-23 against France in the final at the Beijing Olympics this morning. But Iceland still celebrates placing second and taking home the silver in handball for the very first time. Iceland’s victory over Spain in the semi-finals on Friday received world-wide attention. The Icelandic handball team was even on the cover of the New York Fucking Times. According to Fréttabladid, with its victory, Iceland became the most scarcely-populated nation ever to win a medal in a group sport at the Olympics.

In today’s game France was the stronger team throughout, and although Iceland put up a good fight at times, they lost the game with five goals. Despite their loss, today has been declared a national flag-day in Iceland in celebration of the silver in handball. Read more about this story tomorrow and click here to read more about the game against Spain.

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