"I would like a great lake of beer for the King of Kings; I would like the people of heaven to be drinking it through time eternal."
-- St. Brigid of Ireland
Showing posts with label K-Mad and Smiff have been drinking again (cont'd). Show all posts
Showing posts with label K-Mad and Smiff have been drinking again (cont'd). Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Dis explains a lot (the never ending story)
Study: Drinking shrinks the brain
While a certain amount of brain shrinkage is normal with age, greater amounts in some parts of the brain have been linked to dementia.
I think this explains Smiff in a nutshell. K-Mad too. And why I'm the only sane person on dis blog.
While a certain amount of brain shrinkage is normal with age, greater amounts in some parts of the brain have been linked to dementia.
I think this explains Smiff in a nutshell. K-Mad too. And why I'm the only sane person on dis blog.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Drunks, Post-Debate
9:15 PM me: My friends, i am a HYOOOGE AHOLE
9:16 PM Kevin: yep you betcha
catch silver?
me: taped, haven't watched yet
i hear he mentioned the Stealle Pilots
9:18 PM aka Seattle
Kevin: he did work them in somehow
9:24 PM me: big win for Troy over Florida Atlantic tonight
Kevin: i missed dat
9:25 PM can i just but in here and reiterate -- YOOOOOGE AHOLE
butt
aka
9:26 PM me: yes
Kevin: if that stick gets rammed up there any farther its gonna bust out through his face which is gonna be totally phokking gross
9:27 PM me: i heard dat
Kevin: on the bright side, he'd be ready for halloween
9:29 PM me: i've heard no one picking the Phillies except Rob Neyer
Kevin: neyer - he's mavericky
9:31 PM me: i hear dat Obama's best friends are all terrorists.
9:33 PM Tom Brokaw: SUCKS
9:36 PM what is McCain tilling exactly?
9:37 PM i doubt it would be a cool hand - fiery, yes
9:38 PM Kevin: we need a cool hand at the tiller... for something, i'm sure, eventually
9:53 PM Kevin: a k and a g and a b
9:54 PM i take back all the bad things i said about chris matthews
10:00 PM Kevin: msnbc is re-running the debate now in case you can't get enough
10:09 PM Kevin: must sleep
10:17 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: funny you should mention it
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:18 PM Kevin: dere he goes again
me: z
Kevin: now i got bogged down in something else
me: McCain: no knockout. Sorry, my friend.
Kevin: mccain said dat? senile?
10:19 PM me: no, i said dat
Kevin: he's behind about 13 rounds to nuttin
10:20 PM me: Biden at mother-in-law's funeral. didn't stop the sleaze...
Kevin: its not mccain's fault she died
why should he pay the price?
10:21 PM me: a fair point, though Phil Gramm foreclosed on her house and she killed herself
10:22 PM she shoulda known the riskz
Kevin: i have to assume she did
i'm a news-paper man, dammit
me: WAML: STILL OVER
10:23 PM Kevin: yay!
it should continue to be over for the forseeable future
see also: LegComm
me: they could happen again if we let them...
10:24 PM Kevin: probably only a matter of time
and the kicker is, we'll be dead
me: with any luck
10:25 PM Kevin: shirazez?
10:27 PM me: Chilean carmenere
mixing it up!
Kevin: you ARE!
10:28 PM me: on fire on da Twitter
10:30 PM Kevin: i have trouble staying twittered
10:31 PM checkin wash capitals tix prices -- shitty seats are 25 to 50 bucks - good seats run to 250 - do dey know deres like a depression an shit?
me: isn't dat hockey? and... why?
10:32 PM Kevin: mexican emo kid: http://www.kcrw.com/music/programs/mb/mb080711ximena_sarinana/#
hockey is a sport that i enjoy if i have a good reason to enjoy it, which last happened about 15 yrs ago
10:34 PM Economist global election goes viral on da twitter via LoC?
10:35 PM me: you knew da riskz
10:36 PM Kevin: on the contrary, i was insouciantly naive of the risks
me: in-whaaaa?
Kevin: i mighta spelt it wrong
10:37 PM me: did you mean phokking?
Kevin: http://aolsvc.merriam-webster.aol.com/dictionary/insouciance
phokking... yes
its a french word
10:38 PM me: figgers
Kevin: i also like da french fried pataters
me: that's a given
10:43 PM me: Ambiorix Burgos turned himself in Tuesday night, a week after police say he was involved in a hit-and-run accident that killed two women.
Kevin: he will be missed
10:44 PM on the bright side, this probably means i can get him a couple rounds later next year
10:45 PM me: Surgery is a possibility for Travis Hafner after his end-of-season physical found areas of concern in his right shoulder.
you are a Nationwide Baseball Disaster
Kevin: "areas of concern" - new name for da cherriez?
me: yes
Kevin: its pholksy
10:46 PM me: why did i think 4 teams make the playoffs in that league?
Kevin: i have only a cursory understanding of anything thats going on there
so its prolly contagiamous
10:47 PM me: Carlos Marmol suffered minor injuries in a car accident early Tuesday in the Dominican Republic.
you?
Kevin: he was a chicken a year or two back... i tried to trade for him in bbl, if that means anything
10:48 PM me: so it was you
Kevin: hmmm... i kinda phink da cubs deserve some credit here
10:50 PM i see the bailout is working
me: Astros GM Ed Wade doesn't intend to go with J.R. Towles or Humberto Quintero as his top catcher next year.
10:51 PM yep, bailout: HYOOGE
Kevin: towles - dat was me
me: yes
Kevin: i did dat
i'd do it again
me: let's see what his final BA was...
Kevin: do numbers go that low?
10:52 PM me: .137
almost
10:55 PM Rich Harden will see a shoulder specialist before the Cubs have to make a decision Wednesday on his $7 million option.Barring the discovery of something (a donut? squirrels? a Slinky?) that's going to require major surgery, Harden's option is sure to be picked up. Even if he needs a cleanup procedure, it'd be worth paying him $7 million for 2009.
10:56 PM Kevin: i suppose they would be relieved if it was only squirrels
11:00 PM me: Cubs could use him:
General manager Walt Jocketty said Tuesday that the Reds will not re-sign Corey Patterson.Patterson hit just .205/.238/.344 after signing a one-year, $3 million contract, yet got 392 plate appearances while inexplicably hitting leadoff 32 times in manager Dusty Baker's lineup.
11:10 PM Kevin: corey patterson explained: the chix picked him in the minor league draft when he was in A ball
11:11 PM the rest is history
me: same for the Hillcrest Hummingbirds - never had a chance
11:12 PM Kevin: does he envy the dead? yes
me: still, he'll get 300+ PAs next year for some ML team
11:13 PM Kevin: has he crossed the "proven veteran" line yet?
me: almost there! one more year i think
Kevin: really, what more does he have to prove?
11:17 PM i should go to bed. shiraz?
11:19 PM i'll regret it tomorrow, but why not...
me: yeah, why not
Hannity is pwned: http://www.crooksandliars.com/john-amato/obama-spokesman-gibbs-smokes-sean-hanni
11:31 PM Kevin: that 56 second clip of martin on the earlier show -- what a yooge phokking shitface - dats da mccain way
11:33 PM what exactly is a community organizer? i dunno... but it sounds like somephing tarrist!
11:34 PM me: well, Jesus was one
Kevin: mccain - down in the sewer so long that all the sewer creatures follow him around
jesus was wid da lepers prostitutes and tax collectors - nuff said
11:36 PM me: Colbert: librarians are pinko commies
Kevin: yes! look for that on about 287 library listservs tomorrow
~
9:16 PM Kevin: yep you betcha
catch silver?
me: taped, haven't watched yet
i hear he mentioned the Stealle Pilots
9:18 PM aka Seattle
Kevin: he did work them in somehow
9:24 PM me: big win for Troy over Florida Atlantic tonight
Kevin: i missed dat
9:25 PM can i just but in here and reiterate -- YOOOOOGE AHOLE
butt
aka
9:26 PM me: yes
Kevin: if that stick gets rammed up there any farther its gonna bust out through his face which is gonna be totally phokking gross
9:27 PM me: i heard dat
Kevin: on the bright side, he'd be ready for halloween
9:29 PM me: i've heard no one picking the Phillies except Rob Neyer
Kevin: neyer - he's mavericky
9:31 PM me: i hear dat Obama's best friends are all terrorists.
9:33 PM Tom Brokaw: SUCKS
9:36 PM what is McCain tilling exactly?
9:37 PM i doubt it would be a cool hand - fiery, yes
9:38 PM Kevin: we need a cool hand at the tiller... for something, i'm sure, eventually
9:53 PM Kevin: a k and a g and a b
9:54 PM i take back all the bad things i said about chris matthews
10:00 PM Kevin: msnbc is re-running the debate now in case you can't get enough
10:09 PM Kevin: must sleep
10:17 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: funny you should mention it
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:18 PM Kevin: dere he goes again
me: z
Kevin: now i got bogged down in something else
me: McCain: no knockout. Sorry, my friend.
Kevin: mccain said dat? senile?
10:19 PM me: no, i said dat
Kevin: he's behind about 13 rounds to nuttin
10:20 PM me: Biden at mother-in-law's funeral. didn't stop the sleaze...
Kevin: its not mccain's fault she died
why should he pay the price?
10:21 PM me: a fair point, though Phil Gramm foreclosed on her house and she killed herself
10:22 PM she shoulda known the riskz
Kevin: i have to assume she did
i'm a news-paper man, dammit
me: WAML: STILL OVER
10:23 PM Kevin: yay!
it should continue to be over for the forseeable future
see also: LegComm
me: they could happen again if we let them...
10:24 PM Kevin: probably only a matter of time
and the kicker is, we'll be dead
me: with any luck
10:25 PM Kevin: shirazez?
10:27 PM me: Chilean carmenere
mixing it up!
Kevin: you ARE!
10:28 PM me: on fire on da Twitter
10:30 PM Kevin: i have trouble staying twittered
10:31 PM checkin wash capitals tix prices -- shitty seats are 25 to 50 bucks - good seats run to 250 - do dey know deres like a depression an shit?
me: isn't dat hockey? and... why?
10:32 PM Kevin: mexican emo kid: http://www.kcrw.com/music/programs/mb/mb080711ximena_sarinana/#
hockey is a sport that i enjoy if i have a good reason to enjoy it, which last happened about 15 yrs ago
10:34 PM Economist global election goes viral on da twitter via LoC?
10:35 PM me: you knew da riskz
10:36 PM Kevin: on the contrary, i was insouciantly naive of the risks
me: in-whaaaa?
Kevin: i mighta spelt it wrong
10:37 PM me: did you mean phokking?
Kevin: http://aolsvc.merriam-webster.aol.com/dictionary/insouciance
phokking... yes
its a french word
10:38 PM me: figgers
Kevin: i also like da french fried pataters
me: that's a given
10:43 PM me: Ambiorix Burgos turned himself in Tuesday night, a week after police say he was involved in a hit-and-run accident that killed two women.
Kevin: he will be missed
10:44 PM on the bright side, this probably means i can get him a couple rounds later next year
10:45 PM me: Surgery is a possibility for Travis Hafner after his end-of-season physical found areas of concern in his right shoulder.
you are a Nationwide Baseball Disaster
Kevin: "areas of concern" - new name for da cherriez?
me: yes
Kevin: its pholksy
10:46 PM me: why did i think 4 teams make the playoffs in that league?
Kevin: i have only a cursory understanding of anything thats going on there
so its prolly contagiamous
10:47 PM me: Carlos Marmol suffered minor injuries in a car accident early Tuesday in the Dominican Republic.
you?
Kevin: he was a chicken a year or two back... i tried to trade for him in bbl, if that means anything
10:48 PM me: so it was you
Kevin: hmmm... i kinda phink da cubs deserve some credit here
10:50 PM i see the bailout is working
me: Astros GM Ed Wade doesn't intend to go with J.R. Towles or Humberto Quintero as his top catcher next year.
10:51 PM yep, bailout: HYOOGE
Kevin: towles - dat was me
me: yes
Kevin: i did dat
i'd do it again
me: let's see what his final BA was...
Kevin: do numbers go that low?
10:52 PM me: .137
almost
10:55 PM Rich Harden will see a shoulder specialist before the Cubs have to make a decision Wednesday on his $7 million option.Barring the discovery of something (a donut? squirrels? a Slinky?) that's going to require major surgery, Harden's option is sure to be picked up. Even if he needs a cleanup procedure, it'd be worth paying him $7 million for 2009.
10:56 PM Kevin: i suppose they would be relieved if it was only squirrels
11:00 PM me: Cubs could use him:
General manager Walt Jocketty said Tuesday that the Reds will not re-sign Corey Patterson.Patterson hit just .205/.238/.344 after signing a one-year, $3 million contract, yet got 392 plate appearances while inexplicably hitting leadoff 32 times in manager Dusty Baker's lineup.
11:10 PM Kevin: corey patterson explained: the chix picked him in the minor league draft when he was in A ball
11:11 PM the rest is history
me: same for the Hillcrest Hummingbirds - never had a chance
11:12 PM Kevin: does he envy the dead? yes
me: still, he'll get 300+ PAs next year for some ML team
11:13 PM Kevin: has he crossed the "proven veteran" line yet?
me: almost there! one more year i think
Kevin: really, what more does he have to prove?
11:17 PM i should go to bed. shiraz?
11:19 PM i'll regret it tomorrow, but why not...
me: yeah, why not
Hannity is pwned: http://www.crooksandliars.com/john-amato/obama-spokesman-gibbs-smokes-sean-hanni
11:31 PM Kevin: that 56 second clip of martin on the earlier show -- what a yooge phokking shitface - dats da mccain way
11:33 PM what exactly is a community organizer? i dunno... but it sounds like somephing tarrist!
11:34 PM me: well, Jesus was one
Kevin: mccain - down in the sewer so long that all the sewer creatures follow him around
jesus was wid da lepers prostitutes and tax collectors - nuff said
11:36 PM me: Colbert: librarians are pinko commies
Kevin: yes! look for that on about 287 library listservs tomorrow
~
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Chicago Smiff Invasion
Air Itinerary
Trip Date Day Stops Routing Flight Routing Details
Depart Oct 16 Thu Nonstop SAN-MDW 1923
Depart San Diego (SAN) at 4:30 PM
Arrive in Chicago (MDW) at 10:15 PM
Return Oct 21 Tue Nonstop MDW-SAN 906
Depart Chicago (MDW) at 1:25 PM
Arrive in San Diego (SAN) at 3:50 PM
So, who's picking me up, where i am staying, and what are we doing (which doesn't involve a bar)?
Also, if yas got some time coming, taking off Friday and/or Monday would be cool...
~
Trip Date Day Stops Routing Flight Routing Details
Depart Oct 16 Thu Nonstop SAN-MDW 1923
Depart San Diego (SAN) at 4:30 PM
Arrive in Chicago (MDW) at 10:15 PM
Return Oct 21 Tue Nonstop MDW-SAN 906
Depart Chicago (MDW) at 1:25 PM
Arrive in San Diego (SAN) at 3:50 PM
So, who's picking me up, where i am staying, and what are we doing (which doesn't involve a bar)?
Also, if yas got some time coming, taking off Friday and/or Monday would be cool...
~
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
New Rule
You can't put a widget up unless you can make it fit where you put it. Instead of reading the dynamic posted content on the page, people will be trying to figure out what the whole darn widget says. So fix it or delete it.
So says the IT Manager, who inevitably gets asked to figure it out. Well he's on strike. Or fussy.
So says the IT Manager, who inevitably gets asked to figure it out. Well he's on strike. Or fussy.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Proving Evolution (cont)
Or, K-Mad & Smiff have been drinking again...
Ravinia Festival turf war, food fight hospitalizes Arlington Heights man, cops say
By Bob Channick Special to the Chicago Tribune
12:36 PM CDT, September 4, 2008
A dispute over lawn space erupted into a turf war that sent one man to the hospital before a sold-out Donna Summer concert Saturday at the Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, police said.
After setting up their blankets, chairs and a tarp, a group of concertgoers from Arlington Heights left for a restaurant. Returning an hour later, they found their belongings displaced by a Chicago group, which they confronted.
A woman in the Chicago group tried to attack a woman from the returning group, police said. A 40-year-old Chicago man then punched a 49-year-old Arlington Heights man, prompting a wine-and-cheese splattering melee, police said.
The Arlington Heights man was taken by ambulance to Highland Park Hospital, where he received 15 stitches, while the Chicago man was charged with battery.
Ravinia Festival turf war, food fight hospitalizes Arlington Heights man, cops say
By Bob Channick Special to the Chicago Tribune
12:36 PM CDT, September 4, 2008
A dispute over lawn space erupted into a turf war that sent one man to the hospital before a sold-out Donna Summer concert Saturday at the Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, police said.
After setting up their blankets, chairs and a tarp, a group of concertgoers from Arlington Heights left for a restaurant. Returning an hour later, they found their belongings displaced by a Chicago group, which they confronted.
A woman in the Chicago group tried to attack a woman from the returning group, police said. A 40-year-old Chicago man then punched a 49-year-old Arlington Heights man, prompting a wine-and-cheese splattering melee, police said.
The Arlington Heights man was taken by ambulance to Highland Park Hospital, where he received 15 stitches, while the Chicago man was charged with battery.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bats and Balls: and dat's just the food
7:34 PM me: PUMMELING: my teams go 11-1 dis week
7:35 PM Kevin: same here - woulda been 12-0 if halladay hadn't gotten hammered and left the door open for aaa pitcher (waaaaahhh)
mmmmmmmm spam
actually i meant 8-1
7:36 PM cherries: monsters of the...
cherry... orchard
me: Tarrist Malicki endorses Obama's plan? Can we invade and overthrow him?
7:37 PM Kevin: it would restore america's faith in america if we could just mercilessly bomb the shit outta somebody for a few weeks in a consequence-free environment
me: Belgium? stinkin' fat bastards
7:38 PM Kevin: that would rock. they stole our beer and besides they're almost french
7:39 PM me: back in Monks' bullpen, Bierd dominates
Kevin: yeah but he has a funny name... sounds like a tarrist
BIERD - not american sounding
7:40 PM me: how about Randor?
Kevin: sounds like a hobbit
what is he, three-foot-eight?
me: KO reading LoC again? just showed a map of the middle east
Kevin: funny
7:41 PM me: also, story #4: Monks PUMMEL Crab Queens - i wuz shocked he brought that up - played game 3, in fact
7:42 PM Jeter hit a HR! about time, LOSER
Kevin: iran is also on the turkey-turkmenistan border, btw
7:43 PM me: turkwhattawhu?
Kevin: that is the capital
me: dat's a country? can we bomb them?
7:44 PM Kevin: wiff one hand tied behind our backs
7:45 PM me: Jonny Gomes got a hit!
also walked - ON FIRE
Kevin: 2B tomorrow for homunculi: WI@@Y vs maholm or ian stewart vs kershaw? datz almost too easy...stewart
stop drop and roll!
7:46 PM me: 12,428 tonight in Tampa to watch the AL East leaders...
7:48 PM Kevin: change mind - WI@@Y
tampa SUCKS - should never have gotten a team - FRAUDS
white elephant dome - deres somephin we can bomb (maybe while dickie v is in it)
7:49 PM me: go look at the Detroit box score for MORE MATT JOYCE DESTRUCTION
Kevin: SHIT's BLOWIN UP BAYBEEE
7:50 PM joyce - YOOOOGE
white sox - awful
7:51 PM cordero - annudder blown save - datz so CHIX
me: dough da Q goes yahd
7:52 PM Kevin: seff mcclung - 5 non-catastrophic innings
dough salomon torres blows da save, steals da win
7:54 PM cubs getting manhandled by randy johnson - puzzling
8:00 PM me: high gas prices? new McCain ad sez it's all Obama's fault
like everything else
8:01 PM and this just in: Phil Gramm is still a piece of shit
8:04 PM Matt Joyce: another hit: HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Kevin: and: he blew up
8:05 PM me: Tigers up 19-0...
8:06 PM Kevin: chix era tonight: 40.498
8:08 PM alex romer (who?) homers off harden
romero
8:09 PM rockies pitching shutting em down
8:11 PM me: sellout on da sout'side for a Shit Sox stinker - wuz it free brat night?
8:12 PM Kevin: coulda been run on da field and beat up da umpires night
me: speaking of which, Smiff has been reduced to meatless brats...
Kevin: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
puzzling
8:14 PM me: sad
there wuz a sale
actually, not bad
Kevin: what would doug sohn say?
8:15 PM me: covered wiff mustard and onions, anyting is good (except broccoli)
Kevin: true
me: he would probably want to make a sausage out of me after force feeding and fattening me up even more...
8:16 PM nevertheless, the Monks destroyed da CQs anyway
Kevin: sounds delicious (nothing personal)
yes
8:17 PM me: of course, there isn't much of a liver left, so good luck wid dat one, doug
Kevin: dat wud teach him
me: and isn't Doug a stpuid-ass name, anyway?
STUPID-ASS ... Doug
8:18 PM LA has 16 runs in the 5th inning - how is Nomar (Fant!) involved?
Kevin: not at all?
8:20 PM ruh-roh:
7/21 Josh Johnson (Fla - SP) Add Free Agents Maddogs
8:21 PM guess dis wud be a bad time to tell him dat josh j might be a prairie chicken by dis time tomorrow?
me: NOMAR: DNP - i am SHOCKED - probably injured himself by breathing
Kevin: dat can be dangerous
8:22 PM me: sucked in some dust...sneezed...strained his back
8:23 PM Kevin: eyeballs popped out... rolled under desk... bumped head searching for eyeballs...
me: Dat's it!
8:24 PM do you have Valverde? stinkin' up da joint
Kevin: why, yes!
me: TWO BALLS OVER THE FENCE (not his)
8:25 PM Kevin: perfect complement to cordero's self-immolation tonight
crispy, crackly... mmmmm something smells good
me: dat's da brats
Kevin: no dis is unmistakably meaty
8:28 PM great episode of Nature last night about how da grizzlies are TOTALLY PHOKKED
annudder species doomed to extinction -- who woulda guessed?
8:29 PM lots of people dough - we can eat each udder when da animals are gone
me: YAY!
Kevin: i'm starting wif francisco "crispy crackly" cordero
8:30 PM 6-3 240 - dat would last like phree weeks
me: how about the CEO of Freddie Mac? made 20 million last year despite being a total phokking failure
8:31 PM Kevin: well he had to rise pretty high to fail that spectacularly... not for amateurs
he'd be delicious in a lemon cream sauce
me: Valverde: anudder run (dat's 4)
how about him for afters?
8:32 PM a little ketchup...
Kevin: delightful
wif a few french fries?
me: yes
woops, he's outta the game
still, 2 more runs could be charged
8:33 PM Kevin: micah owings (smelts, end times) on for d-bax
me: MANY runs about to score
Kevin: was sposed to start tomorrow - puzzling
me: rubber arm
and brain
8:34 PM Kevin: i would like to have da rubber brain
is it available as an implant?
me: don't yas already got one?
Kevin: cant remember - mebbe
8:36 PM me: FUNNY:
8:37 PM Last Play: F. Sanchez hit an inside the park home run to deep right, J. Michaels and J. Wilson scored
six runs for Jose...
8:38 PM Kevin: if he sucked any more, his head would implode
8:39 PM chix era tonight: 81.00
me: BOOM SPLAT
Kevin: batting avg: .117
me: that's like Crab Queens bad
8:40 PM Kevin: is it possible for their era to catch up to their ba?
me: yes
Kevin: chan ho hasn't pitched yet
he can do it
taylor buchholz
8:41 PM hong-chih... yikes... 81.000 era on the night and one-third of my staff is in coors on a night with a broken humidor and the wind blowing out
and hasnt pitched yet
sweet lord
theoretically a baseball game could go on forever
me: what's the league record?
8:44 PM Kevin: a 7-run 9th - that's SO CHIX
8:47 PM me: anypfing the Cherries should get from McCluskey?
8:48 PM Kevin: nutsack?
me: wow, his team SUX
Kevin: phokk yeah
da Q?
dont need da Q
8:49 PM me: huh, we don't?
Kevin: grandy scott thames joyce gomesy - rock solid
'sides da Q had two good momfs...datz it
8:50 PM he gone
me: thames playing first
someone DHs
Gomes SUX
8:51 PM i think we could fit him in, though i don't think he would want to trade him
Kevin: yeah if he is phinking long-term, he prollaby wants to keep him
8:53 PM me: he doesn't have any vets doing anything
Kevin: yep
not even a shiny dangly object in the bullpen
8:54 PM me: Morrow
should move him if he isn't going to start
8:55 PM Kevin: our bullpen could use a little somefin
8:56 PM me: SP too, since we're one injury away from being totally phokked
8:58 PM Kevin: cubs shut down by chad phokking qualls
8:59 PM me: it's sad, puzzling, CQian
9:02 PM the bizarre foods guy is eating pig's testicles...
9:03 PM now a beating frog's heart...not bad!
9:04 PM sake garnished with a lizard...
Kevin: whatever they're paying him, its not enough, and yet, its too much
9:06 PM me: giant snails...
Kevin: tiny snails arent disgusting enough?
lemme guess - next they'll take an ordinary duck liver and make it grotesquely YOOOOOOOGE...
9:09 PM chix era vs ba smackdown is at 81.000 vs. .111
9:10 PM me: converging...
no duck liver, but he did mention monkfish livers in passing
9:13 PM Kevin: i give up... bedtime
9:14 PM me: wait... live turtles!
Kevin: with the shell?
i have a better idea -- feed that phokk to some hungry grizzlies on live tv - i would watch
9:15 PM dat wud be awesome
me: dat would be pretty cool
so far...it's a dead turtle
9:16 PM it's called Suppan (insert own joke here)
Kevin: if he could take a crap in da lake and show a live turtle swimming away, dat would be interesting
9:17 PM me: next: every part of the chicken!
9:18 PM rooster balls...
not good, apparently
Kevin: that is surprising
9:19 PM me: coming up: happy cows make tasty beef!
9:24 PM they get a massage
every morning
they run free!
are fed beer
9:25 PM Kevin: thats a nice story
and delicious
me: "Melts in your mouth like foie gras"!
9:26 PM Kevin: of course it does
me: now in Bangkok
birds' nest soup
9:27 PM Kevin: baby chix?
me: a box of 12 nests? $1000
9:28 PM the soup also has frog's ovaries - that's good eating right there!!
Kevin: yeah you really need that... i gots a real frog ovary deficit in my diet
me: frought so
9:29 PM good lord does it look disgusting
Kevin: puzzling
making me hungry so i better go
me: ant larvae...
more frog parts
9:30 PM Kevin: maybe i can find one in the yard
me: giant water bugs, grasshoppers, crickets...
9:31 PM tadpoles! mmmmmmm
whole frog on a stick
9:32 PM Kevin: alive?
me: sorry, cooked
Kevin: couldnt it have survived?
9:34 PM me: off to Changmai for the nastiest of all
what could it be - monkey brainz?
9:35 PM Kevin: mebbe... i been to chang mai, got drunk at da smiling monkey
9:36 PM me: you drank a live monkey?
9:37 PM Kevin: http://www.chiangmai-online.com/smonkey/
yes, and it rained
me: KUO IS IN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Kevin: sweet lord
9:38 PM me: Podzzzie singles - man, dis is gonna be good
9:39 PM grilled intestines
bug salads
9:40 PM Kevin: kuo?
me: yeah
"variety of organs" sausage
9:41 PM Spirulina algae - yum!
Kevin: buchholz - not pummeled
9:42 PM me: Iannetta doubles...
9:44 PM what's for dinner?
Fruit bats!
Kevin: yum!
me: a treat!
9:45 PM stir-fried...
9:46 PM "It's some really good bat"!
Kevin: flying rodent...mmmm...
me: also funny: Tulo singles, 2 runs
Kevin: so den... yay
bedtime
9:47 PM me: nope, Hawpe did dat
Kevin: i look forward to reading of the savage, inhumane pummeling in the morning
good morning!
me: quitter
Kevin: good night...
yes
me: dat's sad
and Stewart is up, your boy
9:53 PM me: fermented shrimp paste...
9:54 PM MUTTON!
9:56 PM coagulated blood cake
9:57 PM durian: the smelliest and apparently awfulest tasting fruit in the world
7:35 PM Kevin: same here - woulda been 12-0 if halladay hadn't gotten hammered and left the door open for aaa pitcher (waaaaahhh)
mmmmmmmm spam
actually i meant 8-1
7:36 PM cherries: monsters of the...
cherry... orchard
me: Tarrist Malicki endorses Obama's plan? Can we invade and overthrow him?
7:37 PM Kevin: it would restore america's faith in america if we could just mercilessly bomb the shit outta somebody for a few weeks in a consequence-free environment
me: Belgium? stinkin' fat bastards
7:38 PM Kevin: that would rock. they stole our beer and besides they're almost french
7:39 PM me: back in Monks' bullpen, Bierd dominates
Kevin: yeah but he has a funny name... sounds like a tarrist
BIERD - not american sounding
7:40 PM me: how about Randor?
Kevin: sounds like a hobbit
what is he, three-foot-eight?
me: KO reading LoC again? just showed a map of the middle east
Kevin: funny
7:41 PM me: also, story #4: Monks PUMMEL Crab Queens - i wuz shocked he brought that up - played game 3, in fact
7:42 PM Jeter hit a HR! about time, LOSER
Kevin: iran is also on the turkey-turkmenistan border, btw
7:43 PM me: turkwhattawhu?
Kevin: that is the capital
me: dat's a country? can we bomb them?
7:44 PM Kevin: wiff one hand tied behind our backs
7:45 PM me: Jonny Gomes got a hit!
also walked - ON FIRE
Kevin: 2B tomorrow for homunculi: WI@@Y vs maholm or ian stewart vs kershaw? datz almost too easy...stewart
stop drop and roll!
7:46 PM me: 12,428 tonight in Tampa to watch the AL East leaders...
7:48 PM Kevin: change mind - WI@@Y
tampa SUCKS - should never have gotten a team - FRAUDS
white elephant dome - deres somephin we can bomb (maybe while dickie v is in it)
7:49 PM me: go look at the Detroit box score for MORE MATT JOYCE DESTRUCTION
Kevin: SHIT's BLOWIN UP BAYBEEE
7:50 PM joyce - YOOOOGE
white sox - awful
7:51 PM cordero - annudder blown save - datz so CHIX
me: dough da Q goes yahd
7:52 PM Kevin: seff mcclung - 5 non-catastrophic innings
dough salomon torres blows da save, steals da win
7:54 PM cubs getting manhandled by randy johnson - puzzling
8:00 PM me: high gas prices? new McCain ad sez it's all Obama's fault
like everything else
8:01 PM and this just in: Phil Gramm is still a piece of shit
8:04 PM Matt Joyce: another hit: HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Kevin: and: he blew up
8:05 PM me: Tigers up 19-0...
8:06 PM Kevin: chix era tonight: 40.498
8:08 PM alex romer (who?) homers off harden
romero
8:09 PM rockies pitching shutting em down
8:11 PM me: sellout on da sout'side for a Shit Sox stinker - wuz it free brat night?
8:12 PM Kevin: coulda been run on da field and beat up da umpires night
me: speaking of which, Smiff has been reduced to meatless brats...
Kevin: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
puzzling
8:14 PM me: sad
there wuz a sale
actually, not bad
Kevin: what would doug sohn say?
8:15 PM me: covered wiff mustard and onions, anyting is good (except broccoli)
Kevin: true
me: he would probably want to make a sausage out of me after force feeding and fattening me up even more...
8:16 PM nevertheless, the Monks destroyed da CQs anyway
Kevin: sounds delicious (nothing personal)
yes
8:17 PM me: of course, there isn't much of a liver left, so good luck wid dat one, doug
Kevin: dat wud teach him
me: and isn't Doug a stpuid-ass name, anyway?
STUPID-ASS ... Doug
8:18 PM LA has 16 runs in the 5th inning - how is Nomar (Fant!) involved?
Kevin: not at all?
8:20 PM ruh-roh:
7/21 Josh Johnson (Fla - SP) Add Free Agents Maddogs
8:21 PM guess dis wud be a bad time to tell him dat josh j might be a prairie chicken by dis time tomorrow?
me: NOMAR: DNP - i am SHOCKED - probably injured himself by breathing
Kevin: dat can be dangerous
8:22 PM me: sucked in some dust...sneezed...strained his back
8:23 PM Kevin: eyeballs popped out... rolled under desk... bumped head searching for eyeballs...
me: Dat's it!
8:24 PM do you have Valverde? stinkin' up da joint
Kevin: why, yes!
me: TWO BALLS OVER THE FENCE (not his)
8:25 PM Kevin: perfect complement to cordero's self-immolation tonight
crispy, crackly... mmmmm something smells good
me: dat's da brats
Kevin: no dis is unmistakably meaty
8:28 PM great episode of Nature last night about how da grizzlies are TOTALLY PHOKKED
annudder species doomed to extinction -- who woulda guessed?
8:29 PM lots of people dough - we can eat each udder when da animals are gone
me: YAY!
Kevin: i'm starting wif francisco "crispy crackly" cordero
8:30 PM 6-3 240 - dat would last like phree weeks
me: how about the CEO of Freddie Mac? made 20 million last year despite being a total phokking failure
8:31 PM Kevin: well he had to rise pretty high to fail that spectacularly... not for amateurs
he'd be delicious in a lemon cream sauce
me: Valverde: anudder run (dat's 4)
how about him for afters?
8:32 PM a little ketchup...
Kevin: delightful
wif a few french fries?
me: yes
woops, he's outta the game
still, 2 more runs could be charged
8:33 PM Kevin: micah owings (smelts, end times) on for d-bax
me: MANY runs about to score
Kevin: was sposed to start tomorrow - puzzling
me: rubber arm
and brain
8:34 PM Kevin: i would like to have da rubber brain
is it available as an implant?
me: don't yas already got one?
Kevin: cant remember - mebbe
8:36 PM me: FUNNY:
8:37 PM Last Play: F. Sanchez hit an inside the park home run to deep right, J. Michaels and J. Wilson scored
six runs for Jose...
8:38 PM Kevin: if he sucked any more, his head would implode
8:39 PM chix era tonight: 81.00
me: BOOM SPLAT
Kevin: batting avg: .117
me: that's like Crab Queens bad
8:40 PM Kevin: is it possible for their era to catch up to their ba?
me: yes
Kevin: chan ho hasn't pitched yet
he can do it
taylor buchholz
8:41 PM hong-chih... yikes... 81.000 era on the night and one-third of my staff is in coors on a night with a broken humidor and the wind blowing out
and hasnt pitched yet
sweet lord
theoretically a baseball game could go on forever
me: what's the league record?
8:44 PM Kevin: a 7-run 9th - that's SO CHIX
8:47 PM me: anypfing the Cherries should get from McCluskey?
8:48 PM Kevin: nutsack?
me: wow, his team SUX
Kevin: phokk yeah
da Q?
dont need da Q
8:49 PM me: huh, we don't?
Kevin: grandy scott thames joyce gomesy - rock solid
'sides da Q had two good momfs...datz it
8:50 PM he gone
me: thames playing first
someone DHs
Gomes SUX
8:51 PM i think we could fit him in, though i don't think he would want to trade him
Kevin: yeah if he is phinking long-term, he prollaby wants to keep him
8:53 PM me: he doesn't have any vets doing anything
Kevin: yep
not even a shiny dangly object in the bullpen
8:54 PM me: Morrow
should move him if he isn't going to start
8:55 PM Kevin: our bullpen could use a little somefin
8:56 PM me: SP too, since we're one injury away from being totally phokked
8:58 PM Kevin: cubs shut down by chad phokking qualls
8:59 PM me: it's sad, puzzling, CQian
9:02 PM the bizarre foods guy is eating pig's testicles...
9:03 PM now a beating frog's heart...not bad!
9:04 PM sake garnished with a lizard...
Kevin: whatever they're paying him, its not enough, and yet, its too much
9:06 PM me: giant snails...
Kevin: tiny snails arent disgusting enough?
lemme guess - next they'll take an ordinary duck liver and make it grotesquely YOOOOOOOGE...
9:09 PM chix era vs ba smackdown is at 81.000 vs. .111
9:10 PM me: converging...
no duck liver, but he did mention monkfish livers in passing
9:13 PM Kevin: i give up... bedtime
9:14 PM me: wait... live turtles!
Kevin: with the shell?
i have a better idea -- feed that phokk to some hungry grizzlies on live tv - i would watch
9:15 PM dat wud be awesome
me: dat would be pretty cool
so far...it's a dead turtle
9:16 PM it's called Suppan (insert own joke here)
Kevin: if he could take a crap in da lake and show a live turtle swimming away, dat would be interesting
9:17 PM me: next: every part of the chicken!
9:18 PM rooster balls...
not good, apparently
Kevin: that is surprising
9:19 PM me: coming up: happy cows make tasty beef!
9:24 PM they get a massage
every morning
they run free!
are fed beer
9:25 PM Kevin: thats a nice story
and delicious
me: "Melts in your mouth like foie gras"!
9:26 PM Kevin: of course it does
me: now in Bangkok
birds' nest soup
9:27 PM Kevin: baby chix?
me: a box of 12 nests? $1000
9:28 PM the soup also has frog's ovaries - that's good eating right there!!
Kevin: yeah you really need that... i gots a real frog ovary deficit in my diet
me: frought so
9:29 PM good lord does it look disgusting
Kevin: puzzling
making me hungry so i better go
me: ant larvae...
more frog parts
9:30 PM Kevin: maybe i can find one in the yard
me: giant water bugs, grasshoppers, crickets...
9:31 PM tadpoles! mmmmmmm
whole frog on a stick
9:32 PM Kevin: alive?
me: sorry, cooked
Kevin: couldnt it have survived?
9:34 PM me: off to Changmai for the nastiest of all
what could it be - monkey brainz?
9:35 PM Kevin: mebbe... i been to chang mai, got drunk at da smiling monkey
9:36 PM me: you drank a live monkey?
9:37 PM Kevin: http://www.chiangmai-online.com/smonkey/
yes, and it rained
me: KUO IS IN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Kevin: sweet lord
9:38 PM me: Podzzzie singles - man, dis is gonna be good
9:39 PM grilled intestines
bug salads
9:40 PM Kevin: kuo?
me: yeah
"variety of organs" sausage
9:41 PM Spirulina algae - yum!
Kevin: buchholz - not pummeled
9:42 PM me: Iannetta doubles...
9:44 PM what's for dinner?
Fruit bats!
Kevin: yum!
me: a treat!
9:45 PM stir-fried...
9:46 PM "It's some really good bat"!
Kevin: flying rodent...mmmm...
me: also funny: Tulo singles, 2 runs
Kevin: so den... yay
bedtime
9:47 PM me: nope, Hawpe did dat
Kevin: i look forward to reading of the savage, inhumane pummeling in the morning
good morning!
me: quitter
Kevin: good night...
yes
me: dat's sad
and Stewart is up, your boy
9:53 PM me: fermented shrimp paste...
9:54 PM MUTTON!
9:56 PM coagulated blood cake
9:57 PM durian: the smelliest and apparently awfulest tasting fruit in the world
Friday, June 13, 2008
Was it K-Mad's wine-pickled brain or Smiff's mucous-filled head? both?
Troglodyte Homunculi (Players to Trade)
Heath Bell
(SD - RP)
Roy Halladay
(Tor - SP)
Lord Viper Elefantes (Players to Trade)
Chris Iannetta
(Col - C)
Johnny Cueto
(Cin - SP)
Yovani Gallardo
(Mil - SP) DL
Heath Bell
(SD - RP)
Roy Halladay
(Tor - SP)
Lord Viper Elefantes (Players to Trade)
Chris Iannetta
(Col - C)
Johnny Cueto
(Cin - SP)
Yovani Gallardo
(Mil - SP) DL
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Smiff and K-Mad might live forever
Wine shows new promise against aging
Red wine may be much more potent than was thought in extending human lifespan, researchers say in a new report that is likely to give impetus to the rapidly growing search for longevity drugs.
Red wine may be much more potent than was thought in extending human lifespan, researchers say in a new report that is likely to give impetus to the rapidly growing search for longevity drugs.
Brainz II: It's Only June (Anything Can Happen)
7:58 PM me: HOLY CRAP:
Kevin: oh no
me: Adam Eaton held the Reds to one run on three hits over 6 2/3 innings on Tuesday night as the Phillies went on to win 3-2. Pat Burrell's two-run homer in the sixth inning broke a 1-1 tie and put the Phils ahead for good. Eaton did not issue a walk and struck out five, tying a season high. Tonight's terrific outing was the second in a row for the Phillies right-hander, who tossed six innings of one-run ball his last time out.
7:59 PM Kevin: the public isnt ready for this
8:00 PM sox PUMMEL grinky
me: i know - awful
8:06 PM me: Terry McAuiliffe (your boy): Hillary Clinton would win the general election TODAY
8:07 PM Kevin: yeah and i would win the triple crown if i were in the major leagues
me: he's on the Daily SHow right now mocking himself (i think) hmmm, maybe not
Kevin: he should try it, it would be easy
8:12 PM me: LedeZZZZZma: shutting out the sCrUBS
Kevin: holy phokking shit
8:13 PM is there a helicoptor with an anvil hovering over the ballpark?
me: i can't see that far, but probably
8:16 PM Bedard: SUCKED
Kevin: inhumanely destroyed
8:17 PM me: like a duck?
Kevin: pretty much
8:19 PM me: Cubs score, floodgates next...
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
8:20 PM steel cleats must really SUCK to lose a three game series to da cherries
8:21 PM your boy campillo -- not so much
8:22 PM me: Uggla-Hummingbird-owned him tonight
Kevin: shillary is hemorraging superdelegates
of course, its all about da hummingbirds
8:23 PM me: i like the Cherries game where they Kd 19 times - and won
Kevin: suckathon
8:24 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: da boom boom
8:25 PM me: i gotsta $20 cab - celebrating BO and my promotion letter (fooled 'em)
8:26 PM Kevin: dat'll teach em
me: suckers
Kevin: yes
me: dey also shoulda known da risks
Kevin: you woulda phinked so
me: i also get a free lunch wif da head honcho
8:27 PM Kevin: rebecca?
me: no, da head head honcho - director
8:28 PM Kevin: knock back a few shots to show youre a regular (white) guy
me: yep - also try not to throw up on his suit
8:29 PM Kevin: excellent plan
8:33 PM is da cab worft twenty bucks?
8:34 PM me: it's tasty, but not werf $20
8:35 PM Zito v. Pedro: who dies first?
8:36 PM Kevin: why not both together?
8:37 PM me: works for me
8:38 PM Kevin: the gigantic asshole pat buchanan is bloviating on msnbc
me: i see dat
Kevin: what is wrong with obama that he isnt prezzzzident already?
me: why doesn't he just call him a nigger and be done with it
8:39 PM Kevin: why arent 200 million racist assholes like me in love with him already?
he's not bonding with nazi germany -- whats his prollem?
me: er, isn't Minnesota in middle America?
8:40 PM Kevin: nope -- its a psychic suburb of the upper east side
8:44 PM the media has annointed him
he's talking as if he were the nominee. i think it's presumptive, insulting, and frankly, just plain misogynist
why does he hate women?
8:45 PM me: it's sad, puzzling
8:49 PM speaking of which:
LedeWWWWma walks in run
Kevin: oy
thats not the ledezzzma we knew... wait... yes it is
8:52 PM me: SINGLE...anudder run
8:53 PM Kevin: on a happier note, zito finally came unraveled
8:54 PM me: ZZZ GUONE
Corey is in! (who?)
8:57 PM Kevin: mets - 8 runs in the 5th (and counting)
8:58 PM me: funny stuff
Kevin: yes
giants -- appalling
8:59 PM me: The Incredible Chulk!
Kevin: incredibly awful
9:00 PM me: Zito: only 5 earned
Kevin: a moral victory
9:01 PM chix put him on waivers and the woodstock nation claimed him
woops
9:03 PM you know whats interesting? she won all the important votes. the ones he won were oddly secondary
9:10 PM me: wah roh: Pedro starting to SUCK
9:11 PM Kevin: puzzling...
9:12 PM me: Choo: HR
9:13 PM Tucker Carlson: Douchebag
Kevin: i'm on cnn -- gergen says we're winning hearts and minds
9:14 PM me: where?
9:16 PM Stephen Colbert tells graduates: Please don't change the world
shocking:
9:17 PM Padres now losing thanks to a Soto (Monk!) BOMB
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:21 PM Kevin: gergen - wham in europe & canada - dey like our campaign (fools)
9:22 PM shillary - ASSHOLE
me: what did she do - speak?
9:27 PM Kevin: yes
lanny davis is a DICK
9:28 PM they're packing up the furniture lanny - go home
9:29 PM pedro gets a W for da chix - we'll take it
9:35 PM Kevin: arianna huffington is on cnn wondering why mr drucker is so mean to arnold ziffel
9:38 PM breaking news - shillary and barack just spoke on the phone
he probally agreed to be assassinated
it's june after all
9:39 PM me: anything can still happen
Kevin: we all remember what happened in june
she sees dead people (well one anyway)
9:41 PM brain-dead blonde mccain supporter on larry king.... like looking into the eyes of a chicken
9:42 PM my friends... i'm an asshole
(remember to smile)
(try not to act unhinged)
me: dude, he's MAVERICKIAN
Kevin: mccain - post-partisan
yes
9:45 PM lanny - PHOKK YOU
PHOKK
YOU
PHOKK YOU
dats a tasty syrah
me: lanny said dat?
9:46 PM Kevin: no i said dat to lanny - he was a bit taken aback
me: does he have 'the chicken eyes'?
9:47 PM Kevin: no he seems frighteninglylyly lucid
lanny vs the mccain chicken -- asshole vs asshole
me: it's a hole in...two
9:48 PM Kevin: YAY
9:51 PM just switched to sauvignon blanc
dats french for "french phokk whitey sense of entitlement"
9:52 PM me: how many bottles you got open dere?
9:53 PM Kevin: are we counting empties or just ones wif stuff in em?
9:54 PM just finished da boom boom i opened last night
not even midnight yet
what was i to do?
me: yeah, sounds like a no-brainer, which is a good pfing in yer case
9:55 PM Kevin: the anvil waits: now misch vs joe smiff in SF
i am a big believer in da no brainz
me: HYOOOGE EARFQUAKE IN SF
9:56 PM Kevin: theoretically a baseball game could go on forever -- they are testing that notion
9:58 PM me: Padres now officially getting pummeled
9:59 PM Kevin: prollaby shutna brought in che guevara
me: er, no...
10:05 PM Kevin: the fact of the matter is that i am fullashit
10:06 PM you have to give senator clinton a lot of credit for being gracious and sincere
me: yes....?
Kevin: the shillary shill on cnn
FULLASHIT
the fuckin thing SUCKS
10:07 PM me: I'LL DO IT LIVE!
Kevin: will you write it?
10:08 PM me: FUCK YES - I'LL WRITE IT AND I'LL DO IT LIVE!!!
Kevin: deres a black guy shilling for mcbush
the war is not going badly
me: dere's one of dem Uncle Tom's on msnbc, too
10:09 PM Kevin: you cant even do it on tape why would i let you do it live you troglodye homunculus
me: FUCK YOU! I'm going to take off my sports jacket!!
Kevin: oooh
10:10 PM me: Throw my pen, too!!
Kevin: will you snort?
me: SNORT
Kevin: thank you
10:11 PM that was very alpha-male
me: THE FUCKING THING SUCKS!!!
Kevin: arianna huffington prattling on about arnold ziffel again
me: whu?
Kevin: arnold ziffel this arnold ziffel that
you know, the pig on green acres
10:12 PM me: oh - is she on drugs?
Kevin: no but i am
hillary -- go phokk yourself already
me: we knew dat
Kevin: hillary clinton dot com -- tell her what a phokking bushian leech she is
10:13 PM she is very gracious
its not about her
me: Montana smarter than South Dakota - whoulda thunk it?
Kevin: its about her supporters
10:14 PM its about the billions -- no, trillions -- of people who voted for her
10:15 PM me: George "TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS" Will on Colbert tonight....
10:16 PM Kevin: dats a natural fit -- he's a funny funny man
very engaging
me: man of the people
Kevin: warm
10:17 PM me: speaking of assholes: David Brooks
Obama needs to work on the "salad bar at Applebees vote"
Kevin: there it is!
this year's fulcrum
10:18 PM is there grilled chicken on that salad?
because we're not talking to any vegetarians
me: only thing is: there is no salad bar at Applebees
Kevin: shit
10:19 PM well they need to get one now
the coors light can has a special venting device, in case you're buying beer any time soon
10:20 PM that helps to mask the yak piss flavor
10:22 PM me: no idea whut yer talking about, but we're still gonna pass
finally some good news: Duncan D. Hunter has won the Republican primary to compete for his father's House seat in November.
10:23 PM Kevin: that is heartwarmingh
10:26 PM well then...
10:27 PM perhaps it really is bedtime
or i might just be pathetically weak
bluestem in SIXTH
in JUNE
and RISING
see also: the end times
10:28 PM me: see also: Cubs best record in baseball
Kevin: yes
10:29 PM see also: black man thinking he's going to be elected president by the same troglodyte humonculi who voted bush in twice
10:30 PM although your example is probably even more far-fetched
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
i see dead people
Monday, June 2, 2008
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
7:41 PM me: Notre Dame: AWFUL
7:42 PM Kevin: they SUCK
jay bruce: unhinged
me: ultimate morons
Fant!
7:43 PM Kevin:
Jay Bruce went 2-for-4 with a home run as the Reds lost to the Phillies on Monday night.
Bruce also scored on an Adam Dunn double. After his first week in the big leagues, Bruce (FANT!) is hitting .577 with three home runs, seven RBI and 12 runs. For comparison's sake, Corey Patterson (AWFUL!) was hitting .200 with four homers, 13 RBI and 21 runs in 45 games before getting demoted.
7:44 PM why didn't ND just go all theway and hire Cookie?
me: did i mention that he's a FANT?
Kevin: no
me: Cookie should have applied...what a dope
7:45 PM Ollie "HE SUCKS" Perez: AWFUL
7:46 PM 6 runs allowed in the 1st TO THE GIANTS and counting.......................
i blame YOU
Kevin: sweet lord
me: Brian "WHO?" Hurwitz homered
7:47 PM Kevin: THE WEEK AHEAD (Jun 1)
The Week Ahead takes a look at Oliver Perez's solid match-ups, which should have him dancing with excitement.
tag under "forecasts"
7:48 PM me: yeah, saw dat. idiots.
Kevin: chix need an OF. know which available OF has most RBIs?
me: he GUONE. 6 runs, 1 out
7:49 PM Whowitz?
Kevin: jason michaels, who is also "slugging" .319
7:50 PM 2nd is a tie: eric bruntlett, who is "slugging> .333 and darin erstad, who is "darin erstad"
me: looking like J-Mike
7:51 PM Kevin: KO bringin it to the radio fascists with blood on thier hands\
me: KO on the radio?
Kevin: no KO's worser dude was a radio fascist
7:52 PM unconscionalbe bladfaced lying from rupert murdoch
baldfaced
7:54 PM
The Miami Herald reports that Josh Willingham (SUCKS) "isn't sounding overly optimistic" about his return from the disabled list. Willingham has been out since late April and has yet to even take batting practice. He also stopped breathing five days ago. The newspaper speculates that he may eventually require surgery to repair a herniated disk and total brain death.
that dont sound so good
7:55 PM me: wouldn't want to be him
7:56 PM Kevin:
Ryan Doumit (SUCKS) caught a full bullpen session and hit off a tee Sunday.
"It felt great," Doumit said. "I feel like I am days away, really. I felt game-ready catching today. There was one pitch I felt that jammed it a little bit but the next pitch, the pain went away and Jesus came and the wheel in the sky turned within another whell and shit like that. So there is not staying power with the pain, and also the total absence of brain function, so that's good."
7:57 PM me: sounds bad
7:58 PM Kevin: kinda
7:59 PM harold ickes -- GARGANTUALLY fullashit with shit coming out of his nose
me: i'd like to see dat
Kevin: its on the tv
ohhhhhh... you missed it
8:00 PM me: she's got more votes based on our count, therefore, she wins
haven't watched KO yet
Kevin: she's won all the states with the vowels and the consonants
8:02 PM bill clinton: irredeemable gasbag
also: unhinged
don't forget: fullashit
8:03 PM me: are you watching the Asshole Channel?
Kevin: msnbc (wid da tarrists)
8:04 PM me: just heard it on ESPN: "Lipscomb eliminated"
Kevin: even gubnor nutsack phinks its over
eliminated from the lipscomb invitational?
8:05 PM me: some baseball sumpfing
8:06 PM Cubs losing to the Padres: can you say June Swoon?
Kevin: the padres are professional hitters
8:07 PM me: yes, AA is professional
8:08 PM Kevin: 6. Elijah Dukes – OF – WAS - If your fantasy team has become complacent, and you want to freak your players out by adding a wild card to the mix, Dukes is just the guy for you. With Austin Kearns on the disabled list, Dukes has a few weeks to prove that he deserves to be a regular in Washington's lineup. So far he's gone 5-for-19 with four runs scored and just one RBI, but Dukes has tremendous talent so it's worth gambling on him.
Recommendation: Worth a flier in shit-blowing-up-only leagues
8:09 PM me: he's also phokking INSANE
Kevin: in udder words a chicken
8:10 PM me: J-Mike hit a granny tonight
Kevin: duck and cover: pedro vs zito tomorrow night
me: end times
8:11 PM shirazez? i got a Jacob's Creek. old skool.
Kevin: phokking merlot
DELICIOUS
8:12 PM me: merlot SUCKS
ESPN reports: Has Ozzie gone too far?
8:13 PM Kevin: i'm saving the BOOM BOOM! washington state syrah for a special occasion, like obama locking it up or the world ending
ozzie could never go too far. the farther he goes, the closer he gets
8:14 PM me: hard to say which of these events will happen first
Hillary: "It ain't over till it's over."
Kevin: well we all remember rfk was assassinated in june
8:15 PM hint hint HIIIIIIIINT
8:16 PM me: Edmonds: RBI DOUBLE. Proven: VETERAN.
8:18 PM Big Z: RBI TRIPLE. Crazy: MAN.
Kevin: it would be delightful if the chix could pick edmonds up but he is shockingly not available
8:19 PM me: shocking
8:20 PM Kevin:
Manager Bruce Bochy said Saturday it might be a couple weeks before Merkin Valdez rejoins the Giants, as he'll need to make a few rehab appearances. Valdez is on the DL with SUCKS and is only one year removed from Tommy John surgery. Any soreness could mean a setback, as the Giants should play it safe with him. He also died yesterday.
8:21 PM me: RIP
8:23 PM John McCain: Phil Gramm: FUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIITTTTTTTTTTTT
Kevin: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
looking into phil gramm's eyes is like looking into the eyes of a chicken
8:24 PM hearing him talk is like hearing the gurgling of the primoridal oooze
me: well, he is a plutocrat and a lobbyist
8:25 PM Kevin: pretty good life for a man who was born with an empty cranium (except for the squirrel pellets)
me: yes
8:26 PM Kevin: gary bauer - gigantic moron
8:27 PM brains of a ferret... a really stupid one
me: Hillary: another lopsided win, ahead in the popular vote, slightly behind in delegates...
Kevin: she won all the states with the stuff that is good
she won the most votes -- do you believe in democracy or not?
8:28 PM me: guns, squirrels, racists...
Kevin: harold ickes, for one, is stunned, that we have the gall and the HOOOOTZPAH to subsitute their judgment for those of the voters
he also has shit dripping out of his ears
kinda gross
8:29 PM scott mclellan on hardball next
me: isn't he one of the @holes who set the system up?
Kevin: see also: shit blowing up (still) (thanks scott)
ikkies? yest
8:30 PM me: Travis Buck: .165 - now batting 5th for da Cherries (see: SUCKING)
Kevin: scott feels bad now. see also: shit blowing up for another 20 yrs or so followed by the world ending and shit. but its ok cuz he changed his mind
8:31 PM me: 20 more years of this CRAP?
Kevin: if yer lucky commie
trabbis SUCKDS
SUCKS
shirazez
brainzzz go bang-byew
bye
me: your pick, not mine
Kevin: thanks
8:32 PM i had forgotten
me: speaking of empty craniums...
Kevin: speaking of elbows going bang-bye
SHOCKING news on mark prior condition
8:33 PM me: yeah, i mean, he's still leading in the popular vote
Kevin: yes
he's had all the big arm injuries
8:34 PM scott: the rezzidunce is very moved on days like this
me: ALL of them
Kevin: yes
8:35 PM me: very moved...his bowels?
Kevin: out his ears
8:36 PM da rezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzidunce loves da peoples
he woont wanna blow em all up an shit
me: yes, he loves them to death
Kevin: yers
yues
yes
me: zzzzzzzzzzz
8:37 PM Kevin: possibly
me: up for LA: Danny Ardoin: French Phokk
Kevin: no question
8:38 PM i keep forgetting that we already accomplished our mission... good to get that reminder now and again
oh and we were greeted as libraaaaators
me: breaking news: Ollie Perez has been inhumanely destroyed in the clubouse
Kevin: clubbed like a baby seal?
8:39 PM me: too good for him
8:40 PM Kevin: scott: still a shitball. and i aint buying his book
see also: yooooge piles of dead people
he sees them
8:41 PM me: McBush III?
Kevin: i'm telling you right now godfuckingdammit... buffalo grove kollyforniya phokking merlot... write it down, commit it to memory AND PRINT IT
8:42 PM saddam is about to attack us (see also:mushroom cloud) and condi: slso fullashit
me: how many bottles have you had?
Kevin: he will hurl mushroom clouds from the grave
7
8:43 PM it's good for your heart and shit
saddam was a bad man
8:44 PM me: not a wine drinker, Saddam? he's kinda dead
Kevin: chix still dont have an outfielder
i've been sitting here two hours looking for one
sweet lord...
me: So?
Kevin: good point DICK
8:45 PM me: here to help
i mean...So...TagOOOOOOOCHEEEE
8:46 PM Kevin: thanks... it's all so clear now
i dont know which i like more, the 559 ops or the decapitating ceiling
8:47 PM me: Chris Snelling activated today...
Kevin: i should mention -- the ceiling would decapitate a midget
SCHNELLLLing?
me: si, senor
8:48 PM Kevin: Our View
Based on Snelling's history, the over/under on his return to the DL is 15 days.
sounds like a chixxxzzzz
replaces tj "rhymes with" bone
me: yesxz
8:49 PM Kevin: white house iraq group - WHIG - get used to it
will go down in history with other great war criminals
8:50 PM me: YAY!
Kevin: yes! we are blowing shit up! regardless of where the shit lands, how can that be bad?
8:51 PM cia hates scooter and dick dick dick dick dick... when will we capture and kill them?
dissent is communism
8:52 PM communism is bad btw...
:-)
8:53 PM his name is SCOOOTER for phokks sake? how can he be the bad guy? wake up america!
8:54 PM the flying nun has kids and takes a boner pill,,, now i know i'm losing it...
8:55 PM boniva? sounds degenerate
me: a nun with a boner?????
Kevin: and KIDS! god is angry my friends...
8:57 PM me: our best senator, Robert Byrd, in da hospital
Kevin: cant be good since he is 125 years old
8:58 PM alright alright ALRIGHT... da boom boom is delicious... but i still prefer the phokking merlot
8:59 PM i would hate to think we will never have senator byrd go up against ted stevens in another coot-off
me: opened boom boom? end of the world later tonight?
Kevin: so it would seem
dont say you wuzznt warned
9:00 PM heres a good name for a book by a republican: whu happen????
duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
9:01 PM me: vol 2: Shit Blowing Up
Kevin: vol.3 - we hatesez them (cont'd)
me: Rupert Murdoch: also a pirate
9:02 PM Kevin: vol.4 we are in shackles in a dark dank dungeon
vol.5 we love dick dick dick dick dick dick dick cheney!
me: this just in: Padres still SUCK
Kevin: veteran presence
6 minutes
9:09 PM me: DICK makes an incest joke about West Virginia? must be HIGH-LARRY-US
5 minutes
9:14 PM Kevin: herro?
9:15 PM bows of horry?
farararararararara?
shirazaez?
9:16 PM i can haz yet annudder cheezburger?
9:17 PM me: dude, how many times i gotta tell ya: Hillary has the most votes!
Kevin: mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Kevin: i phink so! i betcha da bitter white incest voters had en espatial affinity ta dis one
mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 11:10 PM on Monday
my phokking ASS
war kittens?
me: not offline - someone is FULLASHIT
9:18 PM Kevin: i like television. it amuses me
see also: da brain deadness
and: chix suck
9:19 PM me: tv: internets: wine: brain deadness: chix sucking: you are set
Kevin: phanks... everyding is right wif da whirld
9:20 PM in dat case i can go to sleep now and have yet anuudder cheezburger
me: Bill Clinton called a reporter sleezy and dishonest
see: pot: kettle
Kevin: yes and he should know... he sets the standard
see: tea receptacle
9:21 PM and the kicker is: we're all dead (soon)
me: YAY
Kevin: i phink so
me: we won't have to go to fucking ALA
9:22 PM Kevin: dat wud be totally kickass
YAY
i will sleep well knowing that we are all dead before ALA
me: we can still dream, right?
9:23 PM Kevin: dat wud take da heat off da chix finding an outfielder too
our dreams are our most precious resources (not)
me: will Harold Ickes be dead, too?
9:24 PM Kevin: i guarantee it
me: YAY
Kevin: ickys? iew...
9:25 PM me: Edmonds: anudder rbi double, cont. to stuff it up the Padres' ASS
Kevin: in da afterlife, everyone will be totally phokking sorry goddamit'
9:26 PM phokk dem
okarie-dokarie... i am off to dream of bors of horry...
9:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me: fararararazzz
Kevin: yes
[Dick's "joke": "There are Cheneys on both sides of the family, and we don't even live in West Virginia. (...laughs at self...) You can say those things when you're not running for re-election. (...laughs again...)
Nope, the Cheneys are from Wyoming - where they fuck cows.]
7:42 PM Kevin: they SUCK
jay bruce: unhinged
me: ultimate morons
Fant!
7:43 PM Kevin:
Jay Bruce went 2-for-4 with a home run as the Reds lost to the Phillies on Monday night.
Bruce also scored on an Adam Dunn double. After his first week in the big leagues, Bruce (FANT!) is hitting .577 with three home runs, seven RBI and 12 runs. For comparison's sake, Corey Patterson (AWFUL!) was hitting .200 with four homers, 13 RBI and 21 runs in 45 games before getting demoted.
7:44 PM why didn't ND just go all theway and hire Cookie?
me: did i mention that he's a FANT?
Kevin: no
me: Cookie should have applied...what a dope
7:45 PM Ollie "HE SUCKS" Perez: AWFUL
7:46 PM 6 runs allowed in the 1st TO THE GIANTS and counting.......................
i blame YOU
Kevin: sweet lord
me: Brian "WHO?" Hurwitz homered
7:47 PM Kevin: THE WEEK AHEAD (Jun 1)
The Week Ahead takes a look at Oliver Perez's solid match-ups, which should have him dancing with excitement.
tag under "forecasts"
7:48 PM me: yeah, saw dat. idiots.
Kevin: chix need an OF. know which available OF has most RBIs?
me: he GUONE. 6 runs, 1 out
7:49 PM Whowitz?
Kevin: jason michaels, who is also "slugging" .319
7:50 PM 2nd is a tie: eric bruntlett, who is "slugging> .333 and darin erstad, who is "darin erstad"
me: looking like J-Mike
7:51 PM Kevin: KO bringin it to the radio fascists with blood on thier hands\
me: KO on the radio?
Kevin: no KO's worser dude was a radio fascist
7:52 PM unconscionalbe bladfaced lying from rupert murdoch
baldfaced
7:54 PM
The Miami Herald reports that Josh Willingham (SUCKS) "isn't sounding overly optimistic" about his return from the disabled list. Willingham has been out since late April and has yet to even take batting practice. He also stopped breathing five days ago. The newspaper speculates that he may eventually require surgery to repair a herniated disk and total brain death.
that dont sound so good
7:55 PM me: wouldn't want to be him
7:56 PM Kevin:
Ryan Doumit (SUCKS) caught a full bullpen session and hit off a tee Sunday.
"It felt great," Doumit said. "I feel like I am days away, really. I felt game-ready catching today. There was one pitch I felt that jammed it a little bit but the next pitch, the pain went away and Jesus came and the wheel in the sky turned within another whell and shit like that. So there is not staying power with the pain, and also the total absence of brain function, so that's good."
7:57 PM me: sounds bad
7:58 PM Kevin: kinda
7:59 PM harold ickes -- GARGANTUALLY fullashit with shit coming out of his nose
me: i'd like to see dat
Kevin: its on the tv
ohhhhhh... you missed it
8:00 PM me: she's got more votes based on our count, therefore, she wins
haven't watched KO yet
Kevin: she's won all the states with the vowels and the consonants
8:02 PM bill clinton: irredeemable gasbag
also: unhinged
don't forget: fullashit
8:03 PM me: are you watching the Asshole Channel?
Kevin: msnbc (wid da tarrists)
8:04 PM me: just heard it on ESPN: "Lipscomb eliminated"
Kevin: even gubnor nutsack phinks its over
eliminated from the lipscomb invitational?
8:05 PM me: some baseball sumpfing
8:06 PM Cubs losing to the Padres: can you say June Swoon?
Kevin: the padres are professional hitters
8:07 PM me: yes, AA is professional
8:08 PM Kevin: 6. Elijah Dukes – OF – WAS - If your fantasy team has become complacent, and you want to freak your players out by adding a wild card to the mix, Dukes is just the guy for you. With Austin Kearns on the disabled list, Dukes has a few weeks to prove that he deserves to be a regular in Washington's lineup. So far he's gone 5-for-19 with four runs scored and just one RBI, but Dukes has tremendous talent so it's worth gambling on him.
Recommendation: Worth a flier in shit-blowing-up-only leagues
8:09 PM me: he's also phokking INSANE
Kevin: in udder words a chicken
8:10 PM me: J-Mike hit a granny tonight
Kevin: duck and cover: pedro vs zito tomorrow night
me: end times
8:11 PM shirazez? i got a Jacob's Creek. old skool.
Kevin: phokking merlot
DELICIOUS
8:12 PM me: merlot SUCKS
ESPN reports: Has Ozzie gone too far?
8:13 PM Kevin: i'm saving the BOOM BOOM! washington state syrah for a special occasion, like obama locking it up or the world ending
ozzie could never go too far. the farther he goes, the closer he gets
8:14 PM me: hard to say which of these events will happen first
Hillary: "It ain't over till it's over."
Kevin: well we all remember rfk was assassinated in june
8:15 PM hint hint HIIIIIIIINT
8:16 PM me: Edmonds: RBI DOUBLE. Proven: VETERAN.
8:18 PM Big Z: RBI TRIPLE. Crazy: MAN.
Kevin: it would be delightful if the chix could pick edmonds up but he is shockingly not available
8:19 PM me: shocking
8:20 PM Kevin:
Manager Bruce Bochy said Saturday it might be a couple weeks before Merkin Valdez rejoins the Giants, as he'll need to make a few rehab appearances. Valdez is on the DL with SUCKS and is only one year removed from Tommy John surgery. Any soreness could mean a setback, as the Giants should play it safe with him. He also died yesterday.
8:21 PM me: RIP
8:23 PM John McCain: Phil Gramm: FUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIITTTTTTTTTTTT
Kevin: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
looking into phil gramm's eyes is like looking into the eyes of a chicken
8:24 PM hearing him talk is like hearing the gurgling of the primoridal oooze
me: well, he is a plutocrat and a lobbyist
8:25 PM Kevin: pretty good life for a man who was born with an empty cranium (except for the squirrel pellets)
me: yes
8:26 PM Kevin: gary bauer - gigantic moron
8:27 PM brains of a ferret... a really stupid one
me: Hillary: another lopsided win, ahead in the popular vote, slightly behind in delegates...
Kevin: she won all the states with the stuff that is good
she won the most votes -- do you believe in democracy or not?
8:28 PM me: guns, squirrels, racists...
Kevin: harold ickes, for one, is stunned, that we have the gall and the HOOOOTZPAH to subsitute their judgment for those of the voters
he also has shit dripping out of his ears
kinda gross
8:29 PM scott mclellan on hardball next
me: isn't he one of the @holes who set the system up?
Kevin: see also: shit blowing up (still) (thanks scott)
ikkies? yest
8:30 PM me: Travis Buck: .165 - now batting 5th for da Cherries (see: SUCKING)
Kevin: scott feels bad now. see also: shit blowing up for another 20 yrs or so followed by the world ending and shit. but its ok cuz he changed his mind
8:31 PM me: 20 more years of this CRAP?
Kevin: if yer lucky commie
trabbis SUCKDS
SUCKS
shirazez
brainzzz go bang-byew
bye
me: your pick, not mine
Kevin: thanks
8:32 PM i had forgotten
me: speaking of empty craniums...
Kevin: speaking of elbows going bang-bye
SHOCKING news on mark prior condition
8:33 PM me: yeah, i mean, he's still leading in the popular vote
Kevin: yes
he's had all the big arm injuries
8:34 PM scott: the rezzidunce is very moved on days like this
me: ALL of them
Kevin: yes
8:35 PM me: very moved...his bowels?
Kevin: out his ears
8:36 PM da rezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzidunce loves da peoples
he woont wanna blow em all up an shit
me: yes, he loves them to death
Kevin: yers
yues
yes
me: zzzzzzzzzzz
8:37 PM Kevin: possibly
me: up for LA: Danny Ardoin: French Phokk
Kevin: no question
8:38 PM i keep forgetting that we already accomplished our mission... good to get that reminder now and again
oh and we were greeted as libraaaaators
me: breaking news: Ollie Perez has been inhumanely destroyed in the clubouse
Kevin: clubbed like a baby seal?
8:39 PM me: too good for him
8:40 PM Kevin: scott: still a shitball. and i aint buying his book
see also: yooooge piles of dead people
he sees them
8:41 PM me: McBush III?
Kevin: i'm telling you right now godfuckingdammit... buffalo grove kollyforniya phokking merlot... write it down, commit it to memory AND PRINT IT
8:42 PM saddam is about to attack us (see also:mushroom cloud) and condi: slso fullashit
me: how many bottles have you had?
Kevin: he will hurl mushroom clouds from the grave
7
8:43 PM it's good for your heart and shit
saddam was a bad man
8:44 PM me: not a wine drinker, Saddam? he's kinda dead
Kevin: chix still dont have an outfielder
i've been sitting here two hours looking for one
sweet lord...
me: So?
Kevin: good point DICK
8:45 PM me: here to help
i mean...So...TagOOOOOOOCHEEEE
8:46 PM Kevin: thanks... it's all so clear now
i dont know which i like more, the 559 ops or the decapitating ceiling
8:47 PM me: Chris Snelling activated today...
Kevin: i should mention -- the ceiling would decapitate a midget
SCHNELLLLing?
me: si, senor
8:48 PM Kevin: Our View
Based on Snelling's history, the over/under on his return to the DL is 15 days.
sounds like a chixxxzzzz
replaces tj "rhymes with" bone
me: yesxz
8:49 PM Kevin: white house iraq group - WHIG - get used to it
will go down in history with other great war criminals
8:50 PM me: YAY!
Kevin: yes! we are blowing shit up! regardless of where the shit lands, how can that be bad?
8:51 PM cia hates scooter and dick dick dick dick dick... when will we capture and kill them?
dissent is communism
8:52 PM communism is bad btw...
:-)
8:53 PM his name is SCOOOTER for phokks sake? how can he be the bad guy? wake up america!
8:54 PM the flying nun has kids and takes a boner pill,,, now i know i'm losing it...
8:55 PM boniva? sounds degenerate
me: a nun with a boner?????
Kevin: and KIDS! god is angry my friends...
8:57 PM me: our best senator, Robert Byrd, in da hospital
Kevin: cant be good since he is 125 years old
8:58 PM alright alright ALRIGHT... da boom boom is delicious... but i still prefer the phokking merlot
8:59 PM i would hate to think we will never have senator byrd go up against ted stevens in another coot-off
me: opened boom boom? end of the world later tonight?
Kevin: so it would seem
dont say you wuzznt warned
9:00 PM heres a good name for a book by a republican: whu happen????
duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
9:01 PM me: vol 2: Shit Blowing Up
Kevin: vol.3 - we hatesez them (cont'd)
me: Rupert Murdoch: also a pirate
9:02 PM Kevin: vol.4 we are in shackles in a dark dank dungeon
vol.5 we love dick dick dick dick dick dick dick cheney!
me: this just in: Padres still SUCK
Kevin: veteran presence
6 minutes
9:09 PM me: DICK makes an incest joke about West Virginia? must be HIGH-LARRY-US
5 minutes
9:14 PM Kevin: herro?
9:15 PM bows of horry?
farararararararara?
shirazaez?
9:16 PM i can haz yet annudder cheezburger?
9:17 PM me: dude, how many times i gotta tell ya: Hillary has the most votes!
Kevin: mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Kevin: i phink so! i betcha da bitter white incest voters had en espatial affinity ta dis one
mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 11:10 PM on Monday
my phokking ASS
war kittens?
me: not offline - someone is FULLASHIT
9:18 PM Kevin: i like television. it amuses me
see also: da brain deadness
and: chix suck
9:19 PM me: tv: internets: wine: brain deadness: chix sucking: you are set
Kevin: phanks... everyding is right wif da whirld
9:20 PM in dat case i can go to sleep now and have yet anuudder cheezburger
me: Bill Clinton called a reporter sleezy and dishonest
see: pot: kettle
Kevin: yes and he should know... he sets the standard
see: tea receptacle
9:21 PM and the kicker is: we're all dead (soon)
me: YAY
Kevin: i phink so
me: we won't have to go to fucking ALA
9:22 PM Kevin: dat wud be totally kickass
YAY
i will sleep well knowing that we are all dead before ALA
me: we can still dream, right?
9:23 PM Kevin: dat wud take da heat off da chix finding an outfielder too
our dreams are our most precious resources (not)
me: will Harold Ickes be dead, too?
9:24 PM Kevin: i guarantee it
me: YAY
Kevin: ickys? iew...
9:25 PM me: Edmonds: anudder rbi double, cont. to stuff it up the Padres' ASS
Kevin: in da afterlife, everyone will be totally phokking sorry goddamit'
9:26 PM phokk dem
okarie-dokarie... i am off to dream of bors of horry...
9:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me: fararararazzz
Kevin: yes
[Dick's "joke": "There are Cheneys on both sides of the family, and we don't even live in West Virginia. (...laughs at self...) You can say those things when you're not running for re-election. (...laughs again...)
Nope, the Cheneys are from Wyoming - where they fuck cows.]
Friday, May 23, 2008
for Smiff's next trip to DC
On the Hunt for the 'Green Fairy'
By Fritz Hahn
Special to The Washington Post
Friday, May 23, 2008; WE06
After more than 90 years, absinthe has returned to area bars. Loved by Oscar Wilde and Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, rumored to drive men crazy and cause vivid hallucinations, absinthe was banned in the United States in 1912 and in most Western countries because of its alleged psychoactive properties. But restrictions were lifted last year, and drinkers can once again consume the luminous green liqueur known as the "green fairy."
If it weren't for the ban, though, I'm not sure absinthe would have the same mystique. The herbal black licorice taste isn't for everyone, and it's a potent potable: Most of the new absinthes are about 100-proof, or 50 percent alcohol; rums and vodkas, by comparison, are in the 40 percent range.
The best introduction to classic absinthe comes at Central Michel Richard (French phokk? ed.), where the bar offers three kinds: Kübler, from Switzerland; St. George, a boutique brand made in California; and Lucid, an American brand that's raising eyebrows with its 126-proof absinthe. Central's house absinthe cocktail, La Fee Verte, is incredibly simple (Kübler, water and sugar), but its preparation is pure theater.
Bartenders place absinthe in a small glass, then carry it to an ornate water pitcher known as an absinthe fountain. Set on a pedestal, the glass jar has four old-fashioned spigots. After the glass is set under a spigot, a slotted spoon is laid across the mouth of the glass, and a sugar cube is placed on top of the spoon. The bartender turns the faucet, and water slowly trickles down onto the sugar, through the spoon and into the glass. As the water and dissolved sugar mix with the absinthe, the liquid turns a cloudy, milky green.
"It brings everything to a halt at the bar," manager Justin Guthrie says. "It draws a lot of attention."
Since the 19th century, bartenders have been using absinthe as a key ingredient in the classic Sazerac cocktail, along with rye whiskey, sugar water, bitters and a lemon peel. Absinthe isn't really mixed into the drink; it's used to coat the glass, then dumped out. Bartenders turned to pastis (a licorice liqueur) when absinthe was banned, but many have switched to the original recipe. The best one I've tasted in Washington comes from Chantal Tseng at the Tabard Inn's cozy bar. It's hard to keep absinthe from overpowering other flavors, even when there's only a trace, but Tseng's cocktail stays in delicious balance. Her secret? The Tabard's house-made simple syrup and plenty of fresh lemon zest. "It's all about the aroma," she explains. "You need to be able to smell the absinthe and the lemon zest."
Other lounges and nightspots are finding new ways to mix absinthe into more traditional recipes. Absinthe plays a bit part in mixologist Tom Brown's Dawn Over Manhattan at Cork wine bar. With aged rye whiskey, an herbal, spicy vermouth and whiskey-aged bitters, the subtle anise taste comes through well and adds a fullness and viciousness to a cocktail that's otherwise lacking.
My favorite nightcap comes from Said Haddad, the bar manager at Cafe Saint-Ex. His Lost Year cocktail combines Kübler with a kiss of St-Germain elderflower liqueur, which adds a sweet floral scent and a touch of pear. The taste is smooth and lush, and my only disappointment is that it's served in a tiny sherry glass. Haddad says he's worried about customers who don't know the drink's strength. "You've heard of a lost weekend?" he asks. "There's a reason it's called the Lost Year."
CAFE SAINT-EX 1847 14th St. NW. 202-265-7839.
CENTRAL MICHEL RICHARD 1001 Pennsylvania Ave. NW. 202-626-0015.
CORK 1720 14th St. NW. 202-265-2675.
THE TABARD INN 1739 N St. NW. 202-331-8528.
By Fritz Hahn
Special to The Washington Post
Friday, May 23, 2008; WE06
After more than 90 years, absinthe has returned to area bars. Loved by Oscar Wilde and Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, rumored to drive men crazy and cause vivid hallucinations, absinthe was banned in the United States in 1912 and in most Western countries because of its alleged psychoactive properties. But restrictions were lifted last year, and drinkers can once again consume the luminous green liqueur known as the "green fairy."
If it weren't for the ban, though, I'm not sure absinthe would have the same mystique. The herbal black licorice taste isn't for everyone, and it's a potent potable: Most of the new absinthes are about 100-proof, or 50 percent alcohol; rums and vodkas, by comparison, are in the 40 percent range.
The best introduction to classic absinthe comes at Central Michel Richard (French phokk? ed.), where the bar offers three kinds: Kübler, from Switzerland; St. George, a boutique brand made in California; and Lucid, an American brand that's raising eyebrows with its 126-proof absinthe. Central's house absinthe cocktail, La Fee Verte, is incredibly simple (Kübler, water and sugar), but its preparation is pure theater.
Bartenders place absinthe in a small glass, then carry it to an ornate water pitcher known as an absinthe fountain. Set on a pedestal, the glass jar has four old-fashioned spigots. After the glass is set under a spigot, a slotted spoon is laid across the mouth of the glass, and a sugar cube is placed on top of the spoon. The bartender turns the faucet, and water slowly trickles down onto the sugar, through the spoon and into the glass. As the water and dissolved sugar mix with the absinthe, the liquid turns a cloudy, milky green.
"It brings everything to a halt at the bar," manager Justin Guthrie says. "It draws a lot of attention."
Since the 19th century, bartenders have been using absinthe as a key ingredient in the classic Sazerac cocktail, along with rye whiskey, sugar water, bitters and a lemon peel. Absinthe isn't really mixed into the drink; it's used to coat the glass, then dumped out. Bartenders turned to pastis (a licorice liqueur) when absinthe was banned, but many have switched to the original recipe. The best one I've tasted in Washington comes from Chantal Tseng at the Tabard Inn's cozy bar. It's hard to keep absinthe from overpowering other flavors, even when there's only a trace, but Tseng's cocktail stays in delicious balance. Her secret? The Tabard's house-made simple syrup and plenty of fresh lemon zest. "It's all about the aroma," she explains. "You need to be able to smell the absinthe and the lemon zest."
Other lounges and nightspots are finding new ways to mix absinthe into more traditional recipes. Absinthe plays a bit part in mixologist Tom Brown's Dawn Over Manhattan at Cork wine bar. With aged rye whiskey, an herbal, spicy vermouth and whiskey-aged bitters, the subtle anise taste comes through well and adds a fullness and viciousness to a cocktail that's otherwise lacking.
My favorite nightcap comes from Said Haddad, the bar manager at Cafe Saint-Ex. His Lost Year cocktail combines Kübler with a kiss of St-Germain elderflower liqueur, which adds a sweet floral scent and a touch of pear. The taste is smooth and lush, and my only disappointment is that it's served in a tiny sherry glass. Haddad says he's worried about customers who don't know the drink's strength. "You've heard of a lost weekend?" he asks. "There's a reason it's called the Lost Year."
CAFE SAINT-EX 1847 14th St. NW. 202-265-7839.
CENTRAL MICHEL RICHARD 1001 Pennsylvania Ave. NW. 202-626-0015.
CORK 1720 14th St. NW. 202-265-2675.
THE TABARD INN 1739 N St. NW. 202-331-8528.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Election Night Special
See also: Kevin Phillips-Bong
7:27 PM me: you know who sucks?
Kevin: lanny davis
me: who?
7:28 PM Kevin: the hillary shill on cnn right now
me: oh.
Kevin: fullas#i+ of bushian proportions
7:29 PM me: i'm going straight to the source: Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: seriously, when dana perino's head caves in, there's a job waiting for this asshole
me: how is he spinning it?
Kevin: ok i give up -- besides hill, bill, and lanny, who sucks?
me: or she? get a real first name
7:30 PM like i said:
Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: somehow, florida and michigan are obama's fault
and they're cheating for taking them away from her
7:31 PM and somehow, losing by 130,000 votes overall tonight is not losing
and somehow, all that all of this proves is that hillary is the better candidate
7:32 PM hillary won all the big states!
me: er, didn't everyone agree months ago FL & MI wouldn't be counted?
Kevin: never mind the numbers -- she's doing WAAAY better than he is
7:33 PM me: but since Clinton & Co. thought they would win in a cakewalk, they didn't give a shit then
Kevin: she's winning by behind behind -- you can't get more bushian than that
me: maybe Lanny (french?) shoulda run a better campaign...
Kevin: maybe they shutna SUCKED
7:34 PM me: your boy, Evan Bayh, on da stage...
Kevin: anywayz lets get back to baseball
besides all my players (who suck), who sucks?
me: players you will pick up later?
Kevin: yes
7:35 PM me: i run rings round ya
7:36 PM Gavin Floyd was 2 outs away from a no-hitter...
7:37 PM the Twins must really SUCK
Kevin: REALLY suck
7:38 PM me: BRUNTLETT!
E. Bruntlett homered to deep left, A. Eaton scored
Randy Johnson SUCKS
7:39 PM Kevin: "letter carriers for hillary" - she's got the disgruntled postal worker vote
me: Hillary claims the tiebreaker!
Kevin: exactly
never mind the actual numbers
me: she came from behind even though she was expected to win there
even though all the votes aren't in
Kevin: she's winning by falling farther behind
7:40 PM me: tonight is YOUR victory!
Kevin: even though all the votes arent in
is that santa claus over her left shoulder?
me: no beard
Kevin: nah -- too skinny
me: she wants YOUR money
7:41 PM Kevin: this is MY victory :-)
our opponent outspends us massively
maybe because more people send him money?
she's touched
7:42 PM i hate her
her mother had a difficult childhood :-(
7:43 PM poor bill sees his third term slipping away...
7:44 PM sounds like a victory speech -- it would be hilarious if she lost
7:46 PM she's been saying this all along (even though this is the first time i've heard her say it) -- we should give consumers a break on the gas tax this summer and MAKE THE OIL COMPANIES PAY THE GAS TAX -- even though she isn't going to be the prezzzzzzident this summer and doesn't really have any say in the matter, so why is she sounding like she can make this happen?
7:47 PM me: it's a panderer reflex - she can't help it
Kevin: what can she do about my bunions?
7:48 PM me: nothing, but Bill feels your pain
Kevin: "we have been on this campaign a long time..." (nervous laughter)
7:49 PM me: no shit, Sherlock
Kevin: she's getting me verklempft with her stories of people who have heartbreaking stores
i bet she bowls like a phokking maniac
me: whatever...does she know about da Chix? i don't pfink so
that's heartbreak
Kevin: she dont know heartbreak
7:50 PM me: is she boning Evan Bayh now?
Kevin: he's wonderful, i hear
7:51 PM me: pandering to Burmese voters now...
Kevin: pandering for the burma vote
she said burma
me: sick phokks like us think alike
Kevin: why do you suppose she did that?
7:52 PM me: she likes saying "junta"
Kevin: what's chelsea running for?
me: i do like Chelsea, even though i loathe her parents
7:53 PM give her a couple years...she'll be running for something
Kevin: i would like to have a beer with her
me: is she gonna run as an independent in Nov?
7:54 PM Kevin: i wonder if she can knock back the shots with the lunch-pail crowd like her old lady can?
florida and michigan count!
me: i dunno but we got to count the votes!!
Kevin: hahaha -- she's here all week -- try the veal!
7:55 PM me: she got dat right...experiment in democracy
Kevin: have we blown up the lab yet?
speaking of SUCKING -- zito gets a start tomorrow
me: B O O M
7:57 PM Kevin: i would like to have a beer with him and watch him blow up
me: speaking o which - Eaton walked the pitcher with the bases loaded...
Kevin: i wonder if he marinates himself in rocket fuel overnight or waits until the morning?
me: boff
Kevin: that takes bawlz
7:58 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: beer
7:59 PM me: woah - when did dat happen?
Kevin: yesterday
honkers ale
8:00 PM everyone at hill's rally has a blue aura - rapture time?
cnn still not calling indiana
8:01 PM me: update:
Adam Eaton still SUCKS
8:02 PM Kevin: is that subject to change?
me: MFA
8:03 PM Kevin: another lannyism -- classic rethuglican election night bullshit -- if you look at the colors on the map, nearly the whole map is her color (SHHHHH -- it's because she's winning in all the places where nobody lives)
8:04 PM me: why isn't she way ahead then?
Kevin: gosh, i can't explain it
8:05 PM me: run rings round ya
Kevin: he sure did!
chris young (SD) SUCKED tonight btw...
me: Bruntlett: DOUBLE, RBI
8:07 PM Kevin: dellucci - pinch-hitting - GUONE
lanny is back on! explaining to all of us why she's winning by losing
me: i saw dat - i put him in the Cherries line up for Buck (dead guy)
Kevin: what a sad phokking sack of shit
8:08 PM take a look at the map! a great victory!
2209! a new number! one we made up!
8:09 PM me: i switched to CNN - is he in the Yankee uniform?
Kevin: yeah well he's a new jersey phokk
8:10 PM me: da black guy sez two zero two five
Kevin: 2+2=4? figgers that a crazy black man would come up with that
8:11 PM me: who's dis douchebag?
Indiana isn't normal? where the phokk has dis guy been all his life?
8:12 PM some phokking expert he is........
Kevin: maybe lake county indiana is on pacific time? that would explain why the vote count isnt in yet
they are right by the water after all... they may think it's the ocean
8:13 PM me: not really big on brainz over deres
8:14 PM Kevin: brainzz are overrated
unless you're a pointy-headed intellectual
effete snob
me: howa about a HYOOGE bald head?
Kevin: same phing
8:15 PM me: crap, i guess i have a brain
8:16 PM Kevin: elitist phokk
me: yep
Paul Lo Duca's back: SUCKING
8:17 PM JR Towles: .171
your fault
Kevin: i blame society
8:18 PM me: White Sox WINNER!
Chris Matthews is singing "Gary, Indiana"
God help us all
Kevin: is he drunk?
8:19 PM me: no, he's Tweety
8:21 PM Werth: GUONE
8:23 PM Kevin: obama won NC by as many votes as she won PA
me: doesn't count: more darkies in NC
Kevin: but you know, north carolina doesn't count... for some reason...
there ya go!
8:24 PM i knew there was something disqualifying it
also more college towns (see also: pointy-headed america-hating elites)
8:25 PM sox POUNDED the twins -- the blow-up doll factor?
me: YES
8:26 PM Kevin: trabbis haffner got a hit!
me: no, really?
Kevin: silly trabbis...
me: scoring error?
Kevin: possibly
8:27 PM LUDWICK: 4-4, 2 HRs -- HORROR
oh - 2 rbis
me: scoring errors?
8:28 PM Kevin: my eyesight - not so good (like the bees)
me: speaking of wine, i gotsa tasty kolly malbec heres
8:29 PM Kevin: malbec - fancy merlot?
looks like conor j lost annudder ball in his eyebrow tonight
8:30 PM me: it's like having an angora cat on his forehead
Scott Olsen: dominates!
Kevin: in full SUCKS recovery
8:32 PM lanny davis -- we are delighted with the results tonight
8:33 PM everyone is against her for pointing out she's losing
8:34 PM "i never said what i just said" -- more classic bushianism
8:36 PM me: In 1976, Davis ran for Congress as a Democrat in Maryland's 8th congressional district. After winning the Democratic nomination, he was in a close contest with Republican Newton Steers before losing after a minor scandal broke out over Davis mischaracterizing his own academic record at Yale Law School.
In 2005, President Bush appointed Davis to serve as the only Democrat on the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board.
8:37 PM Kevin: shocking, and shocking
8:38 PM me: In 1999, Davis wrote a memoir of his work in the White House entitled Truth to Tell: Tell It Early, Tell It All, Tell It Yourself: Notes from My White House Education. His most recent book, which appeared in 2006, is entitled Scandal: How "Gotcha" Politics Is Destroying America. The book received praise from politicians and commentators across party lines, including Senators Evan Bayh and Lindsey Graham.
In 2006, through opinions expressed in the Wall Street Journal (August 8, 2006) and on Fox News, Davis strongly supported longtime friend Joseph Lieberman in his losing bid against Ned Lamont for the Democratic Party nomination for the post of U.S. senator from Connecticut. He then continued to support Lieberman when he ran and won the General Election as an Independent.
8:39 PM Kevin: yooooge shocker
7 minutes
8:46 PM Kevin: gary IN is cooking the vote
8:47 PM me: good - FRY it up
Kevin: it shouldn't count since there are lots of black people there
me: yes
8:48 PM Kevin: i'm sure jesse jackson did well there, for example
me: say, has Mary heard anything from ND?
Kevin: no and she is going kerrrrazzzzyyy... you will hear when i do
8:49 PM me: cath-O-licks - i don't trust 'em
Kevin: me neither -- though it appears the county where ND is went for barack
me: university elites
Kevin: obama STEALING the vote -- i dont trust him
8:50 PM there will be a federal investigation\
8:54 PM ledezzzzzzzzzzzma starts thursday
8:55 PM me: B O O M
8:56 PM Duchscherer dominates. You're welcome.
8:57 PM Kevin: yes!
8:58 PM me: Kuroda...not so much
Kevin: he sucked so much
27 minutes
9:26 PM me: http://static.crooksandliars.com/2008/05/carrot_for_president.jpg
9:28 PM Kevin: is the ficus running too?
9:29 PM me: Mitt-fer-brainz has 5% of the vote in Indiana...
9:30 PM Kevin: sounds iike some mcbush-hating out there
9:33 PM me: Santiago Casilla: 18 1/3 shutout innings and counting (Monk! Wyvern! FANT!)
Kevin: never heard of him
9:34 PM me: dats why i win "on the margins"
9:36 PM Balentien: 2 hits, 2B. you're welcome.
9:37 PM Kuo: 8 outs, 7 Ks, still sucks
9:39 PM Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Kevin: kuo is a mainstay in the smelts bullpen
9:40 PM me: only one left?
9:41 PM Kevin: yes
22 minutes
10:03 PM me: Ryan Ludwick went 4-for-4 with two doubles and a walk Tuesday against the Rockies. Ludwick is still hitting .349/.426/.675 on the season, but he hasn't found himself in the starting lineup against right-handers at all lately. That's the case even though his career OPS is 100 points better against righties. In Tony La Russa's defense, the rest of the Cardinals' outfield has been quite productive as well. However, Ludwick has to be rather frustrated.
10:05 PM Kevin: if he doesnt have the internets tony might not have that info
me: are they still cooking the votes in Gary?
Kevin: still cooking
10:06 PM me: i always knew dat godforsaken hellhole was good for sumpfing
10:07 PM Kevin: gary mayor is on now denying it all
they're being "methodical"
me: i love da machine
10:08 PM Kevin: mayor of hammond is giving it to mayor of gary
me: methodical=cookin'
what channel is dis on?
Kevin: cnn
10:09 PM me: i'm boycotting dem since they hired your boy, Tony Snowjob
Kevin: just went from 56 to 98 % in and he didnt catch up
looks like he wont catch her
10:10 PM me: 56 to 98 %?
Kevin: yeah all at once, from lake county
10:13 PM me: MSNBC sez Hill-Rod is the "apparent" winner
Kevin: cnn just called it too
10:16 PM me: Indiana proves once again: they SUCK
Kevin: shocking
6 minutes
10:23 PM Kevin: cnn blaming hillarys win on old people
obama won under 65 vote
10:24 PM me: why don't they croak already?
Kevin: they will
10:25 PM me: soon?
10:26 PM Kevin: i had alls i can stands
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: yes
10:28 PM i look forward to hearing how hillary wrapped up the nomination in the morning
10:29 PM me: well, she won the big states
7:27 PM me: you know who sucks?
Kevin: lanny davis
me: who?
7:28 PM Kevin: the hillary shill on cnn right now
me: oh.
Kevin: fullas#i+ of bushian proportions
7:29 PM me: i'm going straight to the source: Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: seriously, when dana perino's head caves in, there's a job waiting for this asshole
me: how is he spinning it?
Kevin: ok i give up -- besides hill, bill, and lanny, who sucks?
me: or she? get a real first name
7:30 PM like i said:
Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: somehow, florida and michigan are obama's fault
and they're cheating for taking them away from her
7:31 PM and somehow, losing by 130,000 votes overall tonight is not losing
and somehow, all that all of this proves is that hillary is the better candidate
7:32 PM hillary won all the big states!
me: er, didn't everyone agree months ago FL & MI wouldn't be counted?
Kevin: never mind the numbers -- she's doing WAAAY better than he is
7:33 PM me: but since Clinton & Co. thought they would win in a cakewalk, they didn't give a shit then
Kevin: she's winning by behind behind -- you can't get more bushian than that
me: maybe Lanny (french?) shoulda run a better campaign...
Kevin: maybe they shutna SUCKED
7:34 PM me: your boy, Evan Bayh, on da stage...
Kevin: anywayz lets get back to baseball
besides all my players (who suck), who sucks?
me: players you will pick up later?
Kevin: yes
7:35 PM me: i run rings round ya
7:36 PM Gavin Floyd was 2 outs away from a no-hitter...
7:37 PM the Twins must really SUCK
Kevin: REALLY suck
7:38 PM me: BRUNTLETT!
E. Bruntlett homered to deep left, A. Eaton scored
Randy Johnson SUCKS
7:39 PM Kevin: "letter carriers for hillary" - she's got the disgruntled postal worker vote
me: Hillary claims the tiebreaker!
Kevin: exactly
never mind the actual numbers
me: she came from behind even though she was expected to win there
even though all the votes aren't in
Kevin: she's winning by falling farther behind
7:40 PM me: tonight is YOUR victory!
Kevin: even though all the votes arent in
is that santa claus over her left shoulder?
me: no beard
Kevin: nah -- too skinny
me: she wants YOUR money
7:41 PM Kevin: this is MY victory :-)
our opponent outspends us massively
maybe because more people send him money?
she's touched
7:42 PM i hate her
her mother had a difficult childhood :-(
7:43 PM poor bill sees his third term slipping away...
7:44 PM sounds like a victory speech -- it would be hilarious if she lost
7:46 PM she's been saying this all along (even though this is the first time i've heard her say it) -- we should give consumers a break on the gas tax this summer and MAKE THE OIL COMPANIES PAY THE GAS TAX -- even though she isn't going to be the prezzzzzzident this summer and doesn't really have any say in the matter, so why is she sounding like she can make this happen?
7:47 PM me: it's a panderer reflex - she can't help it
Kevin: what can she do about my bunions?
7:48 PM me: nothing, but Bill feels your pain
Kevin: "we have been on this campaign a long time..." (nervous laughter)
7:49 PM me: no shit, Sherlock
Kevin: she's getting me verklempft with her stories of people who have heartbreaking stores
i bet she bowls like a phokking maniac
me: whatever...does she know about da Chix? i don't pfink so
that's heartbreak
Kevin: she dont know heartbreak
7:50 PM me: is she boning Evan Bayh now?
Kevin: he's wonderful, i hear
7:51 PM me: pandering to Burmese voters now...
Kevin: pandering for the burma vote
she said burma
me: sick phokks like us think alike
Kevin: why do you suppose she did that?
7:52 PM me: she likes saying "junta"
Kevin: what's chelsea running for?
me: i do like Chelsea, even though i loathe her parents
7:53 PM give her a couple years...she'll be running for something
Kevin: i would like to have a beer with her
me: is she gonna run as an independent in Nov?
7:54 PM Kevin: i wonder if she can knock back the shots with the lunch-pail crowd like her old lady can?
florida and michigan count!
me: i dunno but we got to count the votes!!
Kevin: hahaha -- she's here all week -- try the veal!
7:55 PM me: she got dat right...experiment in democracy
Kevin: have we blown up the lab yet?
speaking of SUCKING -- zito gets a start tomorrow
me: B O O M
7:57 PM Kevin: i would like to have a beer with him and watch him blow up
me: speaking o which - Eaton walked the pitcher with the bases loaded...
Kevin: i wonder if he marinates himself in rocket fuel overnight or waits until the morning?
me: boff
Kevin: that takes bawlz
7:58 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: beer
7:59 PM me: woah - when did dat happen?
Kevin: yesterday
honkers ale
8:00 PM everyone at hill's rally has a blue aura - rapture time?
cnn still not calling indiana
8:01 PM me: update:
Adam Eaton still SUCKS
8:02 PM Kevin: is that subject to change?
me: MFA
8:03 PM Kevin: another lannyism -- classic rethuglican election night bullshit -- if you look at the colors on the map, nearly the whole map is her color (SHHHHH -- it's because she's winning in all the places where nobody lives)
8:04 PM me: why isn't she way ahead then?
Kevin: gosh, i can't explain it
8:05 PM me: run rings round ya
Kevin: he sure did!
chris young (SD) SUCKED tonight btw...
me: Bruntlett: DOUBLE, RBI
8:07 PM Kevin: dellucci - pinch-hitting - GUONE
lanny is back on! explaining to all of us why she's winning by losing
me: i saw dat - i put him in the Cherries line up for Buck (dead guy)
Kevin: what a sad phokking sack of shit
8:08 PM take a look at the map! a great victory!
2209! a new number! one we made up!
8:09 PM me: i switched to CNN - is he in the Yankee uniform?
Kevin: yeah well he's a new jersey phokk
8:10 PM me: da black guy sez two zero two five
Kevin: 2+2=4? figgers that a crazy black man would come up with that
8:11 PM me: who's dis douchebag?
Indiana isn't normal? where the phokk has dis guy been all his life?
8:12 PM some phokking expert he is........
Kevin: maybe lake county indiana is on pacific time? that would explain why the vote count isnt in yet
they are right by the water after all... they may think it's the ocean
8:13 PM me: not really big on brainz over deres
8:14 PM Kevin: brainzz are overrated
unless you're a pointy-headed intellectual
effete snob
me: howa about a HYOOGE bald head?
Kevin: same phing
8:15 PM me: crap, i guess i have a brain
8:16 PM Kevin: elitist phokk
me: yep
Paul Lo Duca's back: SUCKING
8:17 PM JR Towles: .171
your fault
Kevin: i blame society
8:18 PM me: White Sox WINNER!
Chris Matthews is singing "Gary, Indiana"
God help us all
Kevin: is he drunk?
8:19 PM me: no, he's Tweety
8:21 PM Werth: GUONE
8:23 PM Kevin: obama won NC by as many votes as she won PA
me: doesn't count: more darkies in NC
Kevin: but you know, north carolina doesn't count... for some reason...
there ya go!
8:24 PM i knew there was something disqualifying it
also more college towns (see also: pointy-headed america-hating elites)
8:25 PM sox POUNDED the twins -- the blow-up doll factor?
me: YES
8:26 PM Kevin: trabbis haffner got a hit!
me: no, really?
Kevin: silly trabbis...
me: scoring error?
Kevin: possibly
8:27 PM LUDWICK: 4-4, 2 HRs -- HORROR
oh - 2 rbis
me: scoring errors?
8:28 PM Kevin: my eyesight - not so good (like the bees)
me: speaking of wine, i gotsa tasty kolly malbec heres
8:29 PM Kevin: malbec - fancy merlot?
looks like conor j lost annudder ball in his eyebrow tonight
8:30 PM me: it's like having an angora cat on his forehead
Scott Olsen: dominates!
Kevin: in full SUCKS recovery
8:32 PM lanny davis -- we are delighted with the results tonight
8:33 PM everyone is against her for pointing out she's losing
8:34 PM "i never said what i just said" -- more classic bushianism
8:36 PM me: In 1976, Davis ran for Congress as a Democrat in Maryland's 8th congressional district. After winning the Democratic nomination, he was in a close contest with Republican Newton Steers before losing after a minor scandal broke out over Davis mischaracterizing his own academic record at Yale Law School.
In 2005, President Bush appointed Davis to serve as the only Democrat on the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board.
8:37 PM Kevin: shocking, and shocking
8:38 PM me: In 1999, Davis wrote a memoir of his work in the White House entitled Truth to Tell: Tell It Early, Tell It All, Tell It Yourself: Notes from My White House Education. His most recent book, which appeared in 2006, is entitled Scandal: How "Gotcha" Politics Is Destroying America. The book received praise from politicians and commentators across party lines, including Senators Evan Bayh and Lindsey Graham.
In 2006, through opinions expressed in the Wall Street Journal (August 8, 2006) and on Fox News, Davis strongly supported longtime friend Joseph Lieberman in his losing bid against Ned Lamont for the Democratic Party nomination for the post of U.S. senator from Connecticut. He then continued to support Lieberman when he ran and won the General Election as an Independent.
8:39 PM Kevin: yooooge shocker
7 minutes
8:46 PM Kevin: gary IN is cooking the vote
8:47 PM me: good - FRY it up
Kevin: it shouldn't count since there are lots of black people there
me: yes
8:48 PM Kevin: i'm sure jesse jackson did well there, for example
me: say, has Mary heard anything from ND?
Kevin: no and she is going kerrrrazzzzyyy... you will hear when i do
8:49 PM me: cath-O-licks - i don't trust 'em
Kevin: me neither -- though it appears the county where ND is went for barack
me: university elites
Kevin: obama STEALING the vote -- i dont trust him
8:50 PM there will be a federal investigation\
8:54 PM ledezzzzzzzzzzzma starts thursday
8:55 PM me: B O O M
8:56 PM Duchscherer dominates. You're welcome.
8:57 PM Kevin: yes!
8:58 PM me: Kuroda...not so much
Kevin: he sucked so much
27 minutes
9:26 PM me: http://static.crooksandliars.com/2008/05/carrot_for_president.jpg
9:28 PM Kevin: is the ficus running too?
9:29 PM me: Mitt-fer-brainz has 5% of the vote in Indiana...
9:30 PM Kevin: sounds iike some mcbush-hating out there
9:33 PM me: Santiago Casilla: 18 1/3 shutout innings and counting (Monk! Wyvern! FANT!)
Kevin: never heard of him
9:34 PM me: dats why i win "on the margins"
9:36 PM Balentien: 2 hits, 2B. you're welcome.
9:37 PM Kuo: 8 outs, 7 Ks, still sucks
9:39 PM Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Kevin: kuo is a mainstay in the smelts bullpen
9:40 PM me: only one left?
9:41 PM Kevin: yes
22 minutes
10:03 PM me: Ryan Ludwick went 4-for-4 with two doubles and a walk Tuesday against the Rockies. Ludwick is still hitting .349/.426/.675 on the season, but he hasn't found himself in the starting lineup against right-handers at all lately. That's the case even though his career OPS is 100 points better against righties. In Tony La Russa's defense, the rest of the Cardinals' outfield has been quite productive as well. However, Ludwick has to be rather frustrated.
10:05 PM Kevin: if he doesnt have the internets tony might not have that info
me: are they still cooking the votes in Gary?
Kevin: still cooking
10:06 PM me: i always knew dat godforsaken hellhole was good for sumpfing
10:07 PM Kevin: gary mayor is on now denying it all
they're being "methodical"
me: i love da machine
10:08 PM Kevin: mayor of hammond is giving it to mayor of gary
me: methodical=cookin'
what channel is dis on?
Kevin: cnn
10:09 PM me: i'm boycotting dem since they hired your boy, Tony Snowjob
Kevin: just went from 56 to 98 % in and he didnt catch up
looks like he wont catch her
10:10 PM me: 56 to 98 %?
Kevin: yeah all at once, from lake county
10:13 PM me: MSNBC sez Hill-Rod is the "apparent" winner
Kevin: cnn just called it too
10:16 PM me: Indiana proves once again: they SUCK
Kevin: shocking
6 minutes
10:23 PM Kevin: cnn blaming hillarys win on old people
obama won under 65 vote
10:24 PM me: why don't they croak already?
Kevin: they will
10:25 PM me: soon?
10:26 PM Kevin: i had alls i can stands
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: yes
10:28 PM i look forward to hearing how hillary wrapped up the nomination in the morning
10:29 PM me: well, she won the big states
Friday, May 2, 2008
Insights dat should make you smarter for da weekend...
Notice the RIDICULOUS quote by Bill Clinton. I voted for this @SS#OLE twice? Really, these two are a pair of shameless wonders. I hate them. HATE.
7:58 PM me: Duchscherer just gave up 5 runs...
7:59 PM Kevin: why did you do that?
me: all unearned!
8 minutes
8:08 PM Kevin: you know who sucks?
me: hit me
Kevin: all my players
8:09 PM me: on every team?
Kevin: every team
pat misch starts tomorrow. he'll know what to do...
8:10 PM me: instant, total body weight loss
8:11 PM Kevin: rapid corporeal disassembly syndrome
me: yes
Kevin: we gots a wing for dat an shit
8:14 PM me: Roger Clemens: who hasn't he slept with?
Kevin: can he blame the roids?
8:15 PM me: blame everything on being a Texan
Kevin: ultimate morons
8:16 PM me: yes
8:20 PM Kevin: i'm out of beer
8:21 PM me: wine?
Kevin: nope
shot or two of whiskey left
me: nyquil?
8:22 PM i gotsta cheap pinot here
Kevin: do i look desperate? ok so i look desperate
me: yes
8:23 PM Buster Olney raving about Max Scherzer (Monk!)
8:26 PM Kevin: that's so buster
8:27 PM your boy matt chico pitches tomorrow
one glass of feckin irish whiskey and then its bedtime
8:28 PM me: i have nothing to do wif Matt Chico
8:29 PM Kevin: if that's what you want to believe...
8 minutes
8:37 PM me: your girl Dana Perino coming up on KO...
Kevin: she's a star now?
me: no, just some clips of her lying through her teeth
8:38 PM Kevin: did we have tonight's KO today on LoC?
8:39 PM me: some of it, looks like
Kevin: will the segment be titled "Unconscionable Barefaced Lying?"
8:40 PM me: more likely than "Totally Fullashit"
8:41 PM Kevin: how about HOLY PHOKKING S#I+ THEY SUCK?
me: inspired - we'll see
Kevin: fingers crossed
8:42 PM me: Napoli: anudder HR
8:43 PM Kevin: da machine
8:44 PM me: hit off if Duchscherer dough...
hit it off...
ultimate moron?
8:45 PM Kevin: time will tell
8:49 PM me: your boy, John Hagee, says the devil has been introduced into schools in the form of...?
Kevin: chickens?
clowns?
8:50 PM me: good guesses, but no
Kevin: books and shit?
me: closer
Kevin: teachers? facts? science and shit?
me: all good, but no
Kevin: FUCK
8:51 PM me: Harry Potter
Kevin: damn... shoulda seen that satanic little phokker coming right down the middle of broadway
8:52 PM me: yep
Kevin: on his phokking BROOM no less
me: sounds sissy
Kevin: totally
a gay witch -- hard to get more satanic den dat
8 minutes
9:00 PM me: yep. Hagee: "Harry Potter is a precursor of witchcraft."
9:02 PM Kevin: yeah, you can tell, cuz those books sold like 8 trillion copies, and now we got like 8 trillion little kid witches flying around on brooms turning people into toads and shit...
phokkers
9:03 PM me: more insanity:
9:04 PM Bill Clinton said today, "The great divide in this country is not by race or even income, it's by those who think they are better than everyone else and think they should play by a different set of rules."
$50,000 a speech Bill Clinton said that
Kevin: thats pretty phokked up for him to talk about hillary that way
9:05 PM i mean he may be right and all but still phokked up
did he happen to mention counting the florida and michigan delegates at that point?
9:06 PM oh wait... that's "changing the rules in the middle of the game," which is totally different from playing by "a different set of rules."
9:07 PM me: i didn't hear that, but he did say that those caucus states shouldn't count
Kevin: yeah cuz hillary gets her ass kicked in doze
me: yep, not fair!
9:08 PM Kevin: who ripped out his brains and left a big pile of shit in his cranium?
he was a pretty smart guy once upon a time
9:09 PM me: long before he didn't have sexual relations with that woman
Kevin: you mean seckshal?
me: yeah
9:10 PM Kevin: yeah i seem to remember that not happening
me: it was in all the papers
9:13 PM Kevin: i can't read
you know who really sucks?
me: George W. Bush?
9:14 PM Kevin: yes but not the answer i had in mind
i was thinking: all my players
not as bad as angels pitching though
YOOOOOOOGE spanking out deres tonight
me: it depends what the definition of sucks is
9:15 PM Kevin: i had not thought of that
i can tell you that sucks is not seckshal relations
9:16 PM sucks is sucks, and seckshal relations is seckshal relations, but sucks is not seckshal relations, and seckshal relations is not sucks
dere... rings round ya
me: obviously
9:17 PM 52 dead soldiers in April
dat's an update!
9:18 PM Kevin: i'm sure the rezzzzzidunce will sleep well tonight
me: like Hitler did
9:19 PM Kevin: at least hitler was capable of making a plan
i guess i can never run for office now dat i said dat
9:20 PM datz ok dere was prollaby like meeeeeelions of udder shit dey coulda dug up on me
me: KO's signoff tonight: "Sleep well, Mr. President."
9:21 PM Kevin: wow i'm right in KO's wheelhouse today
6 minutes
9:27 PM me: Fants OPS tonight?
9:28 PM Kevin: yes i was wonderng
me: it ain't "do numbers go that high?"
1.429
9:29 PM Kevin: we hatesez them?
9:30 PM me: don't hate them because they're a pulverizing juggernaut
9:31 PM Kevin: i wouldnt need a reason
me: it's a fair cop
8 minutes
9:40 PM Kevin: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and shit
me: could happen
9:41 PM Kevin: happening now
its like tomorrow and shit
me: are you in Indiana?
7:58 PM me: Duchscherer just gave up 5 runs...
7:59 PM Kevin: why did you do that?
me: all unearned!
8 minutes
8:08 PM Kevin: you know who sucks?
me: hit me
Kevin: all my players
8:09 PM me: on every team?
Kevin: every team
pat misch starts tomorrow. he'll know what to do...
8:10 PM me: instant, total body weight loss
8:11 PM Kevin: rapid corporeal disassembly syndrome
me: yes
Kevin: we gots a wing for dat an shit
8:14 PM me: Roger Clemens: who hasn't he slept with?
Kevin: can he blame the roids?
8:15 PM me: blame everything on being a Texan
Kevin: ultimate morons
8:16 PM me: yes
8:20 PM Kevin: i'm out of beer
8:21 PM me: wine?
Kevin: nope
shot or two of whiskey left
me: nyquil?
8:22 PM i gotsta cheap pinot here
Kevin: do i look desperate? ok so i look desperate
me: yes
8:23 PM Buster Olney raving about Max Scherzer (Monk!)
8:26 PM Kevin: that's so buster
8:27 PM your boy matt chico pitches tomorrow
one glass of feckin irish whiskey and then its bedtime
8:28 PM me: i have nothing to do wif Matt Chico
8:29 PM Kevin: if that's what you want to believe...
8 minutes
8:37 PM me: your girl Dana Perino coming up on KO...
Kevin: she's a star now?
me: no, just some clips of her lying through her teeth
8:38 PM Kevin: did we have tonight's KO today on LoC?
8:39 PM me: some of it, looks like
Kevin: will the segment be titled "Unconscionable Barefaced Lying?"
8:40 PM me: more likely than "Totally Fullashit"
8:41 PM Kevin: how about HOLY PHOKKING S#I+ THEY SUCK?
me: inspired - we'll see
Kevin: fingers crossed
8:42 PM me: Napoli: anudder HR
8:43 PM Kevin: da machine
8:44 PM me: hit off if Duchscherer dough...
hit it off...
ultimate moron?
8:45 PM Kevin: time will tell
8:49 PM me: your boy, John Hagee, says the devil has been introduced into schools in the form of...?
Kevin: chickens?
clowns?
8:50 PM me: good guesses, but no
Kevin: books and shit?
me: closer
Kevin: teachers? facts? science and shit?
me: all good, but no
Kevin: FUCK
8:51 PM me: Harry Potter
Kevin: damn... shoulda seen that satanic little phokker coming right down the middle of broadway
8:52 PM me: yep
Kevin: on his phokking BROOM no less
me: sounds sissy
Kevin: totally
a gay witch -- hard to get more satanic den dat
8 minutes
9:00 PM me: yep. Hagee: "Harry Potter is a precursor of witchcraft."
9:02 PM Kevin: yeah, you can tell, cuz those books sold like 8 trillion copies, and now we got like 8 trillion little kid witches flying around on brooms turning people into toads and shit...
phokkers
9:03 PM me: more insanity:
9:04 PM Bill Clinton said today, "The great divide in this country is not by race or even income, it's by those who think they are better than everyone else and think they should play by a different set of rules."
$50,000 a speech Bill Clinton said that
Kevin: thats pretty phokked up for him to talk about hillary that way
9:05 PM i mean he may be right and all but still phokked up
did he happen to mention counting the florida and michigan delegates at that point?
9:06 PM oh wait... that's "changing the rules in the middle of the game," which is totally different from playing by "a different set of rules."
9:07 PM me: i didn't hear that, but he did say that those caucus states shouldn't count
Kevin: yeah cuz hillary gets her ass kicked in doze
me: yep, not fair!
9:08 PM Kevin: who ripped out his brains and left a big pile of shit in his cranium?
he was a pretty smart guy once upon a time
9:09 PM me: long before he didn't have sexual relations with that woman
Kevin: you mean seckshal?
me: yeah
9:10 PM Kevin: yeah i seem to remember that not happening
me: it was in all the papers
9:13 PM Kevin: i can't read
you know who really sucks?
me: George W. Bush?
9:14 PM Kevin: yes but not the answer i had in mind
i was thinking: all my players
not as bad as angels pitching though
YOOOOOOOGE spanking out deres tonight
me: it depends what the definition of sucks is
9:15 PM Kevin: i had not thought of that
i can tell you that sucks is not seckshal relations
9:16 PM sucks is sucks, and seckshal relations is seckshal relations, but sucks is not seckshal relations, and seckshal relations is not sucks
dere... rings round ya
me: obviously
9:17 PM 52 dead soldiers in April
dat's an update!
9:18 PM Kevin: i'm sure the rezzzzzidunce will sleep well tonight
me: like Hitler did
9:19 PM Kevin: at least hitler was capable of making a plan
i guess i can never run for office now dat i said dat
9:20 PM datz ok dere was prollaby like meeeeeelions of udder shit dey coulda dug up on me
me: KO's signoff tonight: "Sleep well, Mr. President."
9:21 PM Kevin: wow i'm right in KO's wheelhouse today
6 minutes
9:27 PM me: Fants OPS tonight?
9:28 PM Kevin: yes i was wonderng
me: it ain't "do numbers go that high?"
1.429
9:29 PM Kevin: we hatesez them?
9:30 PM me: don't hate them because they're a pulverizing juggernaut
9:31 PM Kevin: i wouldnt need a reason
me: it's a fair cop
8 minutes
9:40 PM Kevin: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and shit
me: could happen
9:41 PM Kevin: happening now
its like tomorrow and shit
me: are you in Indiana?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
who needs Baseball Prospectus when ya gots dis sort of wine-infused, elitist analysis...for FREE
7:34 PM me: talking to Decker...zzzzzzzzzzzz
7:35 PM Kevin: you knew da risks
excited about the Horror?
me: nope
7:36 PM Kevin: its early yet...
7:38 PM me: they look lucky to me
7:39 PM Kevin: just wait til i have all 7 of my pitchers back
7:42 PM me: box of wine in the mail today...i'm set
7:43 PM Decker to land Wed.
5 minutes
7:48 PM me: Chix kill Rajah and Dillon...nice going
7:49 PM Kevin: i was very pleased
me: you're so mean!
7:50 PM Kevin: YORVIT!
guone
7:51 PM me: Justin Germano? you got him? TOTALLY SUCKED
7:52 PM Kevin: no but he was a chicken for a while last year... prollaby still gots da hives an shit
me: oh, he's got SUCKS
7:53 PM Kevin: aint no pill gonna cure his illlzzzzzz
me: nope
speaking of sucking, Hacking Masser Matt Morris setting records for awfulness
7:54 PM Kevin: very not impressive... but can he keep his job (sucking)?
7:55 PM me: they'll have to pay him $8 mill or something, and then some other idiot GM will pick him up because...he's a proven veteran
Kevin: you need that in the clubhouse
7:56 PM "I feel good," Duchscherer said. "I took six days off after the strain. I started throwing after that, and I haven't felt a thing since I started throwing. I feel perfectly normal."
arrangements are pending
me: will there be a showing? or cremation?
Kevin: closed casket (too gruesome)
7:57 PM (for da kidddzzz)
me: speaking of dead people: Matt Chico...SUCKED
7:58 PM Kevin: shoulda picked him over bulger
me: well, he's still in the majors...
7:59 PM Kevin: although bulger's line as a horror: 1-0, 0.00 era, .000 baaa
baaa = batting average against... ASSHOLE
me: all you have to do is draft about anudder hundred of dem
8:00 PM Kevin: dere ya go
8:01 PM me: Correia dominating again...
8:02 PM didn't get Midwest results...6-0?
8:03 PM Kevin: regrettably, no
me: fuckers
8:05 PM Kevin: positive run diff
me: so we had a reverse-Horrors week
8:06 PM Kevin: horrorz had a positive run diff
8:07 PM horrorz +37 on the year
me: pinch-running for the Phillies: T.J. Bohn
Kevin: never heard of him
me: what are the Monks?
good Lord - Pedro Feliz drew a walk
8:08 PM Kevin: +44
me: there, i run rings round ya
Kevin: that you lack clutch hitting?
8:09 PM me: that and...
gfy
8:10 PM Kevin: just wait til horrror getts back bedard, grandy, and most importantly....
dan johnson
8:11 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Carlos Diaz: bases loaded double
8:12 PM Kevin: canadiens... les habitants... da rezzzzzidents?
me: Bruntlett's up!
hu now? what? canucks? huuuuuuh?
Kevin: 24th time montreal has elimiliminated bruins from playoffs
8:13 PM me: Bruntlett: OUT!
Kevin: SHOCKING
me: let me make a wild guess here:
hockey?
8:14 PM Kevin: lucky
me: Bruntlett 0-4...now "batting" .170...who needs J-Roll?
8:15 PM Kevin: yes
capitalists still alive
8:19 PM me: - T.J. Bohn in left field
- B. Hawpe safe at first on left fielder T.J. Bohn's fielding error
8:20 PM Kevin: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
me: capitalists will win...flyers always choke in the playoffs
8:21 PM Y. Torrealba flied out to deep center...grab some bench Yorvit
8:23 PM R. Spilborghs struck out looking
he SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS
8:25 PM Kevin: he's ryan phokking spillborghzzzz for crissakes
8:26 PM me: i know...PHOKK HIM
DOWNTOWN
PRINT IT
Kevin: PLAYGROUND
8:27 PM me: C@CKS#CKERZ
Micah Bowie in...is dat floodgates i here?
hear, duh
8:28 PM Kevin: build an ark
me: Cookiehead Jenkins singles...
Kevin: not his real name?
8:29 PM me: Coste HBP
real name is Cookiehead, but gies by Geoff
or goes
8:32 PM Werth: DOUBLE
8:34 PM Bohn up - LOOK OUT
8:37 PM D O U B L E 2 R B I
T!
J!!
BOHN!!!
Kevin: stunning
8:38 PM me: Bowie's ERA: now 9.00
Horrors looking at him...
Kevin: he SUCKS
8:39 PM me: you're catching on...
and yet he's on your radar
8:40 PM it's a mystery
like G-O-D
Kevin: now you're catching on
8:41 PM chico: 0-4
8:42 PM he's just resting
he's just pining for the fjords
8:43 PM me: pining for the fee-YORDS? he's STONE DEAD
8:44 PM Chico didn't strike anyone out and he allowed three walks and eight hits. He was clearly struggling to locate his pitches, as evidenced by the bases-loaded walk he issued to Braves pitcher Tim Hudson. After back-to-back disastrous outings, Chico's spot in the rotation could be in jeopardy if he doesn't improve against the Cubs in his next outing.
in other words...AWFUL
8:45 PM Matt Morris was rocked for eight runs in four innings by the Marlins on Monday night. So far we've used "tagged," "pounded," and "rocked" to describe his outings this season. He allowed nine hits in the three innings, and two of them were home runs. This could be a very long season for Morris.
8:46 PM hmmm....Chix looking at him: Noah Lowry had an MRI on Monday after feeling a tingling sensation in his injured forearm.
8:47 PM ?
Phillies CRUSH Rockies
8:48 PM Conor Jackson: .357
8:49 PM Kevin: hate (though he'sstill a smelt)
Chris Young was held out of Sunday's lineup because of flu-like symptoms.
bird flu?
8:50 PM me: can you die from that? then...yes
8:54 PM Kevin: bedtime
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
8:55 PM me: yes
11? early...must be out of fucking merlot
7:35 PM Kevin: you knew da risks
excited about the Horror?
me: nope
7:36 PM Kevin: its early yet...
7:38 PM me: they look lucky to me
7:39 PM Kevin: just wait til i have all 7 of my pitchers back
7:42 PM me: box of wine in the mail today...i'm set
7:43 PM Decker to land Wed.
5 minutes
7:48 PM me: Chix kill Rajah and Dillon...nice going
7:49 PM Kevin: i was very pleased
me: you're so mean!
7:50 PM Kevin: YORVIT!
guone
7:51 PM me: Justin Germano? you got him? TOTALLY SUCKED
7:52 PM Kevin: no but he was a chicken for a while last year... prollaby still gots da hives an shit
me: oh, he's got SUCKS
7:53 PM Kevin: aint no pill gonna cure his illlzzzzzz
me: nope
speaking of sucking, Hacking Masser Matt Morris setting records for awfulness
7:54 PM Kevin: very not impressive... but can he keep his job (sucking)?
7:55 PM me: they'll have to pay him $8 mill or something, and then some other idiot GM will pick him up because...he's a proven veteran
Kevin: you need that in the clubhouse
7:56 PM "I feel good," Duchscherer said. "I took six days off after the strain. I started throwing after that, and I haven't felt a thing since I started throwing. I feel perfectly normal."
arrangements are pending
me: will there be a showing? or cremation?
Kevin: closed casket (too gruesome)
7:57 PM (for da kidddzzz)
me: speaking of dead people: Matt Chico...SUCKED
7:58 PM Kevin: shoulda picked him over bulger
me: well, he's still in the majors...
7:59 PM Kevin: although bulger's line as a horror: 1-0, 0.00 era, .000 baaa
baaa = batting average against... ASSHOLE
me: all you have to do is draft about anudder hundred of dem
8:00 PM Kevin: dere ya go
8:01 PM me: Correia dominating again...
8:02 PM didn't get Midwest results...6-0?
8:03 PM Kevin: regrettably, no
me: fuckers
8:05 PM Kevin: positive run diff
me: so we had a reverse-Horrors week
8:06 PM Kevin: horrorz had a positive run diff
8:07 PM horrorz +37 on the year
me: pinch-running for the Phillies: T.J. Bohn
Kevin: never heard of him
me: what are the Monks?
good Lord - Pedro Feliz drew a walk
8:08 PM Kevin: +44
me: there, i run rings round ya
Kevin: that you lack clutch hitting?
8:09 PM me: that and...
gfy
8:10 PM Kevin: just wait til horrror getts back bedard, grandy, and most importantly....
dan johnson
8:11 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Carlos Diaz: bases loaded double
8:12 PM Kevin: canadiens... les habitants... da rezzzzzidents?
me: Bruntlett's up!
hu now? what? canucks? huuuuuuh?
Kevin: 24th time montreal has elimiliminated bruins from playoffs
8:13 PM me: Bruntlett: OUT!
Kevin: SHOCKING
me: let me make a wild guess here:
hockey?
8:14 PM Kevin: lucky
me: Bruntlett 0-4...now "batting" .170...who needs J-Roll?
8:15 PM Kevin: yes
capitalists still alive
8:19 PM me: - T.J. Bohn in left field
- B. Hawpe safe at first on left fielder T.J. Bohn's fielding error
8:20 PM Kevin: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
me: capitalists will win...flyers always choke in the playoffs
8:21 PM Y. Torrealba flied out to deep center...grab some bench Yorvit
8:23 PM R. Spilborghs struck out looking
he SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS
8:25 PM Kevin: he's ryan phokking spillborghzzzz for crissakes
8:26 PM me: i know...PHOKK HIM
DOWNTOWN
PRINT IT
Kevin: PLAYGROUND
8:27 PM me: C@CKS#CKERZ
Micah Bowie in...is dat floodgates i here?
hear, duh
8:28 PM Kevin: build an ark
me: Cookiehead Jenkins singles...
Kevin: not his real name?
8:29 PM me: Coste HBP
real name is Cookiehead, but gies by Geoff
or goes
8:32 PM Werth: DOUBLE
8:34 PM Bohn up - LOOK OUT
8:37 PM D O U B L E 2 R B I
T!
J!!
BOHN!!!
Kevin: stunning
8:38 PM me: Bowie's ERA: now 9.00
Horrors looking at him...
Kevin: he SUCKS
8:39 PM me: you're catching on...
and yet he's on your radar
8:40 PM it's a mystery
like G-O-D
Kevin: now you're catching on
8:41 PM chico: 0-4
8:42 PM he's just resting
he's just pining for the fjords
8:43 PM me: pining for the fee-YORDS? he's STONE DEAD
8:44 PM Chico didn't strike anyone out and he allowed three walks and eight hits. He was clearly struggling to locate his pitches, as evidenced by the bases-loaded walk he issued to Braves pitcher Tim Hudson. After back-to-back disastrous outings, Chico's spot in the rotation could be in jeopardy if he doesn't improve against the Cubs in his next outing.
in other words...AWFUL
8:45 PM Matt Morris was rocked for eight runs in four innings by the Marlins on Monday night. So far we've used "tagged," "pounded," and "rocked" to describe his outings this season. He allowed nine hits in the three innings, and two of them were home runs. This could be a very long season for Morris.
8:46 PM hmmm....Chix looking at him: Noah Lowry had an MRI on Monday after feeling a tingling sensation in his injured forearm.
8:47 PM ?
Phillies CRUSH Rockies
8:48 PM Conor Jackson: .357
8:49 PM Kevin: hate (though he'sstill a smelt)
Chris Young was held out of Sunday's lineup because of flu-like symptoms.
bird flu?
8:50 PM me: can you die from that? then...yes
8:54 PM Kevin: bedtime
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
8:55 PM me: yes
11? early...must be out of fucking merlot
Friday, April 18, 2008
don't drink and blog
Michael Tunison writes under the pseudonym Christmas Ape at the blog Kissing Suzy Kolber. He also writes under his own name at the Washington Post.
Or at least he did, until he was fired by the Post for what he's written at the blog. Tunison says the Post told him he violated Post standards and discredited the paper by writing a blog post in which he identified himself as a Washington Post writer, linked to the paper three times, included a photo of himself drunk (above) and used profanity.
Or at least he did, until he was fired by the Post for what he's written at the blog. Tunison says the Post told him he violated Post standards and discredited the paper by writing a blog post in which he identified himself as a Washington Post writer, linked to the paper three times, included a photo of himself drunk (above) and used profanity.
Monday, April 14, 2008
K-Mad, Smiff: Wine, Golf & Cheating on Taxes (a Plutocratic Special Ed.)
2:48 PM me: Tiger just missed a putt i could make...there is nothing to believe in anymore
20 minutes
3:08 PM me: wow, he sucks - did you just draft him in a golf league?
39 minutes
3:47 PM me: Tallet: dominating today against the one batter he faced
57 minutes
4:45 PM Kevin: add chip caray to the list of things that are still what they used to be
me: yes
4:46 PM Wong is offering Crede for a rd 13 and my supp pick
how awful is dat?
4:49 PM ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzzzzzz
4:50 PM Barmes: HYOOGE today
18 minutes
5:08 PM me: current temp: 88
6 minutes
5:15 PM Kevin: no snow here this weekend
any shit burning up yet?
5:16 PM me: i'm a little hot
5:18 PM Phil Hughes about to be fucking HAMMERED
5:19 PM Kevin: why did you do that smiff?
5:20 PM me: wasnt i pointing out the obvious?
15 minutes
5:35 PM me: run 1 - on a perfect pitch! oh, the humanity!
actually, huMANNYity
5:37 PM Kevin: so he got outtta da inning wif only one run?
5:38 PM me: N O P E
Kevin: ruh-roh
andy rooney is looking at fruit at the grocery
5:39 PM me: ground rule double - ha HAH
Kevin: "what would i do with a papaya?" i have a suggestion
me: "I don't like fruit...too fruity!"
5:40 PM Kevin: "we didn't call them blueberries, we called them huckleberrys..." zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... and you were grateful?
me: STICK IT UP YOUR ONE HUNDRED YEAR OLD ASS?
dats what they were called in the 1800s? how quaint. they had slavery, too
Kevin: he's whimsical... i would ike to have a beer with him
5:41 PM me: i would like to get drunk and pummel him senseless
5:42 PM Kevin: dat wud be awesome
5:43 PM me: 2-0 Sox
i blame Andy Rooney
wild pitch! 3-0
i blame you on dat one
Kevin: johnny kwaito -- tough one tonight
5:44 PM me: i blame you
5:47 PM Kevin: tonight: block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joe's
me: Hughes: AWFUL
i'm out! might have to run down to the 9/11
Kevin: bring a breathing apparatus
5:48 PM me: we'll see how many runs Hughes gives up in the 2nd...
5:49 PM Kevin: strategery - bring in joel pineiro to face the aaa giants. result - savage beating
add k-mad trying to be clever to the list of things that are still what they always have been
5:51 PM me: yezzzzur
5:52 PM Kevin: stimulus: jotting down zach miner's name as a round 38 possibility. response: savage beating
5:55 PM just noticed tallet's line today. fearsome!
11 minutes
6:06 PM me: unstoppable
6:07 PM do response on dat Crede trade wif Wong?
Hughes gets thru da 2nd!
take dat HATERS (myself)
6:08 PM Kevin: crede offer not bad, he's keeper quality as long as he's healthy. health risk is probly da only complication
me: i countered wif a 14
6:09 PM Kevin: he's trader wong -- it'll get done somehow
6:10 PM me: not always - i've told him to phokk off more than once
working on my FUCKING taxes
FUCK
6:11 PM Kevin: i would be a smartyass and point out that i did mine in febrooary...
except that i also did my 2006 and 2005 at the same time
6:12 PM it's not like da phokkers needed da money
6:13 PM me: hmmm, maybe i'll wait a coupla years den, but i wouldn't get dat 600 in cash money dere sending out (bribe)
6:14 PM Kevin: yeah you shhould file so dey send you your bribe... guatemala two goals in da last cuppla minutes
me: am i part of Operation Enduring Freedom?
6:15 PM christ, gin & tonic time
Kevin: dere is a hole in da ground wif your name on it over deres
6:16 PM me: coo
6:17 PM Kevin: gotz to call mary and tell her what i phink of her ppt prezentation (interview at notre dame weds-thurs)
6:18 PM me: i pfink it kicks ass
6:22 PM Kevin: shocker: bulls DESTROYED tonight. arent dey dead yet?
me: deres still playing?
not so shocking: Zeniths outta da money it looks
9 minutes
6:32 PM me: annuder run in 4-1 i cont. to blame you
Kevin: sounds like you have trouble taking responsibility
6:34 PM me: 5-1.............
and......
he....
GUONE
Kevin: finally
some good news
6:36 PM me: time to get a bottle of wine......
OH LORD:
6:37 PM Kevin: oh yes
me: Dorf on Pitching is in
"a nightmare for Phil Hughes tonight"
Kevin: well den... dis is his last chance to get whatever whatever whatever outta his system before he starts pitching for da horrorzzz
6:38 PM me: one out!
Coco up...
Kevin: while we're at it...
is obama retoddid?
6:39 PM how eager you gotz to be to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?
me: mebbe
6:40 PM two outs!!
6:41 PM so Tiger lost to a white guy from South Africa?
Kevin: yeah spin that one
6:42 PM me: golf legends: another thing we now suck at
WILD PITCH!
6:43 PM anudder run!
Dorf!
6:44 PM Kevin: i blame pennsylvanians clinging to guns religion and hostility to immigrants
6:45 PM me: base hit!
Kevin: i blame you
me: anudder run!
6:46 PM SEVEN RUNS CHARGED TO HYOOOOOGHSUCKS
none to da Dorfman - doesn't seem fair
6:47 PM taxes: confused
Kevin: datz da idea
6:48 PM if you were a plutocrat whut could afford a good accountant, you wunt have dis prollem
me: yeah, shoulda though of dat
6:49 PM Kevin: whyzzit always up to me to point out da obvious?
me: ok, straight off, there is supossed to be a box 7 on the W-2
and yet, there isn't one
6:50 PM it goes 5, 6...9, 10
Kevin: yeah dat rocks
i luv dat
me: thanx, asshole
6:51 PM Kevin: hey you culda voted for da huckster and shut down da irs
17 minutes
7:08 PM me: in your honor, i picked up a Black Swan Shirazez for $7.
i'm sure it will suck
7:09 PM Kevin: i will be honored to hear how much it sucks'
7:10 PM me: got to finish the gin first and these FUCKING TAXES
Kevin: screw off cap?
me: let's see here
no
Kevin: worriesome
7:11 PM me: New Look! Same BOLD Taste
Kevin: giving normie da remote is a sure ticket to an eclectic ride across the cosmos. now getting a glimpse of pope ratzo going through files of the inquisition
7:12 PM meanwhile da chix'zz need to pick up annudder new OF
killed annudder one, aldough in fairness, roberts was already dead when we found him
me: don't drink and pick...
7:13 PM Kevin: too late
me: uh oh - what did you do?
7:14 PM Kevin: nuffin yet but brett carroll is batting his eyes at me
wait -- is dat jody gerut?
7:15 PM me: Grapes, sun wind, a dash of daring, unfiltered laughter, the feeling of leaving work at 3pm on a Thursday, the rush of having your favorite cafe name a dessert after you, the pride of filling page 6 of your passport...
Gerut is da minors
Kevin: whatever da phokk you're reading, some of us live in da real world (NOT kollyforniya)
7:16 PM chris SHNELLLLLing was brought up today
i phink
me: ...in other words, black cherry boldness accented with a dash of peppery spice-authentically, delightfully unpredictable. SIP, SAVOR, ENJOY THE BLACK SWAN LIFE.
at only $7 a bottle!
7:17 PM Shnelling: poped out today, i saw dat
popped
Kevin: wow, sounds like you are in da catbird seat over deres
me: he should be good for 3 popouts a week
Kevin: sounds like a chick
me: two words:
RAJAH DAVIS
7:18 PM Kevin: wily mo coyote called activated today
rajah davis is ALREADY a chick -- DUH!
me: ohhhhhhhh...sorry to hear dat
hopw about dis guy the Giants brought up...
Kevin: you dont subscribe to da chixzzzz timezzzzz?
7:19 PM john bow-wow-wowker?
me: yeah, yeah
7:20 PM Kevin: chix already gotz roberts, raj-d, and ortmeier -- sorta feeling drunk on crappy giants OFers
7:21 PM me: he's hot 2 HRs already
7:22 PM it also assures one of the losers will be playing
John Bowker (OF, SF)
The 24 year-old had his best year offensively in '07, achieving career-highs in doubles and HR. For his career, Bowker has hit .296/.352/.472. He doesn't have any plus tools offensively, but he does a lot of things well. He has moderate power, mostly to the pull side, and has been able to hit for a high BA due to his quick hands. Bowker, a left-handed hitter, also has found a way to hit lefties. He does strike out a lot - 100+ Ks in each of the past three seasons. His approach is also on the aggressive side and he doesn't have much speed. Defensively, Bowker is best suited for LF. He has good range and is instinctual, but has a below average arm. He's expected to get some starts over the next few weeks and could supply some much-needed offensive punch.
Kevin: or it could be da block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joes
me: it could be...IT IS!
7:24 PM Kevin: i would rather DESTROY mister SCHNELLLLLLing
7:25 PM me: he doesn't need your help
he's injured every part of his body
Kevin: spose dat is redunnant
me: TWICE
7:26 PM Kevin: i'm just glad fisk navigated the minefield of time zone changes to survive the weekend
it's like indiana around here, nobody knows what da phokk time it is
7:28 PM me: i'm still on Step 1 of my taxes - so maybe dat whole thing was my fault
7:29 PM Kevin: prollaby
7:30 PM dont forget to write "GEORGE W BUSH IS A PHOKKING @$$#O|3" on the memo line of your check
me: never gonna get that far
7:31 PM really, ii'm thinking of starting over with another online filer
govt should be run more like a business
7:35 PM Kevin: you phink you got prollems -- i';m trying to re-do the horror lineup
should prolly pay a few bills too
too late -- drinking
7:36 PM me: i've moved onto turbotax
7:37 PM FUCK EMSMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7:39 PM Kevin: nickelanddimemudderphokkers
7:41 PM me: "This person passed away before filing this return."
Kevin: possibly
me: really sums up everypfing
Kevin: i phink so
7:46 PM me: figgered out da prollem...
would you believe:
Smiff was to blame!
Kevin: no
7:50 PM me: so i'm back at efarttax and on dere W-2 form where asks for the control # in box a, even though on the actual form it is in box d
i'm confused again
Kevin: cant you just make some s#i+ up?
me: and they have my SS# in box d, when on the form it is in box a
back to turbotax...
7:52 PM FUCK ESMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7 minutes
7:59 PM me: prollem at turbotax - i'm cosnidering not filing and going OFF GRD
GRID
8:00 PM Kevin: though it did not work for me, i phink it it worf a tryu
try
8:01 PM me: i think i'm gonna i'm dat wine now
and fuck everypfing
5 minutes
8:07 PM Kevin: John Bowker homered for the second straight day on Sunday when he took Cardinals starter Joel Pinerio deep for a two-run blast.
Bowker also added a sacrifice fly and an RBI single, leaving him with four RBI on the day. The left-hander had a pretty nice season for Double-A Connecticut in 2007, hitting .307 with 22 homers and 35 doubles. That line looks even better when considering he was playing in a park that substantially favored pitchers. He's an underrated prospect who would have some value in NL-only leagues if given three or four starts per week.
me: day wine didnt have a real cork in it - concern?
Kevin: no i phink that is good
cork SUCKS
me: yeah, pick up Schnelling
Kevin: artificial cork better
twist-off best
8:09 PM me: wow it's BOLD
Kevin: shiraz is bold
me: PEPPERY
8:11 PM Kevin: just opened a cheap shiraz here -- SUCKS. not peppery, not bold
for future reference -- just cuz its at trader joes and its really cheap doesnt mean its good
8:12 PM me: really? like i've been sayin' - everyphing is a scam
8 minutes
8:20 PM me: Ken asking anudder idiotic question
why is there crap in my pants?
8:21 PM also:
Wong ignoring me
8:22 PM Monks backup C could be INJ - i am SHOCKED
8:23 PM actually he was the backup to the backup who is injured
Kevin: souds like you got chikken prollems
8:24 PM me: Fants have the 1st good offensive day of the year, i think
be prepared: Milton Bradley soon to be SHITCANNED
8:25 PM didn't start either of the last two games
probably has an ingrown toenail
8:28 PM Kevin: dumb dumb dumb dumb question
8:33 PM me: ok: George "FUCKING ASSHOLE" Bush owes me $831
8:34 PM but i've never gotten a refund like dat, so i musta did sumfing wrong
so
should i pay $9.95 for audit protection?
or just LET IT ROLL
i'm depending on YOU
8:35 PM Kevin: you: totally phokked
me: is that a no? yes? mebbe?
8:36 PM Kevin: george w bush is a phokking a$$hole
me: we covered dat...for 7 years
8:38 PM Kevin: well if yer really getting $831 back, 10 bucks insurance doesnt seem like so much
8:39 PM but i went to h+r block this year and paid them MEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLIONNZZZZZZZZ so what da phokk do i know?
8:40 PM hint: not a whole phokking lottofamuch
on my phird bottlawine tonight dough so must be doing somephing right
8:41 PM dis just in dough - george w bush is a phokking @###0|3
8:42 PM me: three bottles?
is there a AAmeeting nearby?
8:43 PM Kevin: "are you proud of me? can i go home now? -- brownie "brownie" brown
8:45 PM speaking of dead people: 4/13 10:05 pm: Jonathan Papelbon won't be available to pitch on Sunday night, MLB.com confirms. He had to wait through a long rain delay to close the game on Saturday and is simply getting the day off.
8:46 PM he will be missed
me: Turbotax charges $31 to file a state return: can you spell: R I P O F F ?
Kevin: no i cannot but dat does sound purdy expensive
8:47 PM me: yeah, i told them to FUCK OFF
Kevin: dat musta been satisfying
8:48 PM me: i'd pay $10 fer the convenience, but $31? i also told them AND PRINT IT
Kevin: did you mention RIGHT DOWNTOWN?
dey prolly figgered as much anyway
8:50 PM me: oh, right - just told 'em - also told 'em to FUCK OFF again in case they didn't hear the first time
55 minutes
9:45 PM me: Joe Crede is mine!
he'll be dead soon
Kevin: i will blame you den
9:46 PM me: AND i still have my supp pick left
9:47 PM Kevin: AND micah bowie: available
9:48 PM me: i am shocked to hear there is corruption in Iraq - i mean, everything else has been going so well
Kevin: need i add: tyler yikes
that is disappointing but i'm sure they will muddle frough
me: don't add
5 minutes
9:54 PM me: 4th bottle?
9:55 PM Kevin: should i?
9:56 PM me: what could possibly go wrong?
Kevin: k
9:57 PM me: Rezko is involved - wah roh
9:59 PM Franquelis?
what is a Randor Bierd?
10:02 PM Kevin: whu? are you making up words now?
me: mebbe
10:03 PM Not much to go on for Bierd, but it's apparent that the Orioles are trying to catch lightning in a bottle here. Bierd was marginally impressive in spring training (11.1 IP, 2.38 ERA, 5.7 Dom, 1.4 Cmd), but last year's 144 BPV is enough to catch anyone's eye, no matter the level of competition. Bierd appears to have good command and the ability to limit home runs, but let's see how that translates to major league performance. Bierd is worth monitoring, but not worth rostering just yet.
how duz Henry Blanco sound?
10:04 PM i figger Montero is never coming back, and Barajas will be gone for weeks, months
10:05 PM Kevin: dis just in - my head hurts. it is prollaby nuffing to worry about
10:08 PM me: k
10:09 PM Kevin: montero is a prairie chicken so he is prollaby coughing up blood as you read this
me: yes, and a Bluestem?
10:11 PM Kevin: why yes! he was!
news item: • Obama accuses rivals of twisting his words for political gain
he will be missed
11 minutes
10:23 PM me: dat cancer guy wuz pretty kool
Kevin: who dat?
10:24 PM 60 minutes?
me: on da 60 minutes
let's save the plutocrats first
10:26 PM Kevin: i missed him, but genelly speaking, plutocratic illnesses are tragic, while the deaths of poor PHOKKS is sorta unfortunate but necessary
10:27 PM me: watch it online
did guy invented a cure machine in his kitchen
10:28 PM radio waves and shit get in dere and kick cancer's ASS
Kevin: in udder words, if faith-based initiatives work for the economy, than ability-to-pay-based-initiatives work for miracles
ow cancer's balls?
10:29 PM me: mebbe
worked on rats
Kevin: like from the toilet?
me: da terlet?
Kevin: yes
10:30 PM me: what about terlets?
did you open more wine?
Kevin: possibly
also - its like tomorrow an s#i+ here
10:31 PM me: being there sucks
Kevin: yes it does
10:32 PM so den... i better get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...s
10:33 PM me: z
20 minutes
3:08 PM me: wow, he sucks - did you just draft him in a golf league?
39 minutes
3:47 PM me: Tallet: dominating today against the one batter he faced
57 minutes
4:45 PM Kevin: add chip caray to the list of things that are still what they used to be
me: yes
4:46 PM Wong is offering Crede for a rd 13 and my supp pick
how awful is dat?
4:49 PM ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzzzzzz
4:50 PM Barmes: HYOOGE today
18 minutes
5:08 PM me: current temp: 88
6 minutes
5:15 PM Kevin: no snow here this weekend
any shit burning up yet?
5:16 PM me: i'm a little hot
5:18 PM Phil Hughes about to be fucking HAMMERED
5:19 PM Kevin: why did you do that smiff?
5:20 PM me: wasnt i pointing out the obvious?
15 minutes
5:35 PM me: run 1 - on a perfect pitch! oh, the humanity!
actually, huMANNYity
5:37 PM Kevin: so he got outtta da inning wif only one run?
5:38 PM me: N O P E
Kevin: ruh-roh
andy rooney is looking at fruit at the grocery
5:39 PM me: ground rule double - ha HAH
Kevin: "what would i do with a papaya?" i have a suggestion
me: "I don't like fruit...too fruity!"
5:40 PM Kevin: "we didn't call them blueberries, we called them huckleberrys..." zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... and you were grateful?
me: STICK IT UP YOUR ONE HUNDRED YEAR OLD ASS?
dats what they were called in the 1800s? how quaint. they had slavery, too
Kevin: he's whimsical... i would ike to have a beer with him
5:41 PM me: i would like to get drunk and pummel him senseless
5:42 PM Kevin: dat wud be awesome
5:43 PM me: 2-0 Sox
i blame Andy Rooney
wild pitch! 3-0
i blame you on dat one
Kevin: johnny kwaito -- tough one tonight
5:44 PM me: i blame you
5:47 PM Kevin: tonight: block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joe's
me: Hughes: AWFUL
i'm out! might have to run down to the 9/11
Kevin: bring a breathing apparatus
5:48 PM me: we'll see how many runs Hughes gives up in the 2nd...
5:49 PM Kevin: strategery - bring in joel pineiro to face the aaa giants. result - savage beating
add k-mad trying to be clever to the list of things that are still what they always have been
5:51 PM me: yezzzzur
5:52 PM Kevin: stimulus: jotting down zach miner's name as a round 38 possibility. response: savage beating
5:55 PM just noticed tallet's line today. fearsome!
11 minutes
6:06 PM me: unstoppable
6:07 PM do response on dat Crede trade wif Wong?
Hughes gets thru da 2nd!
take dat HATERS (myself)
6:08 PM Kevin: crede offer not bad, he's keeper quality as long as he's healthy. health risk is probly da only complication
me: i countered wif a 14
6:09 PM Kevin: he's trader wong -- it'll get done somehow
6:10 PM me: not always - i've told him to phokk off more than once
working on my FUCKING taxes
FUCK
6:11 PM Kevin: i would be a smartyass and point out that i did mine in febrooary...
except that i also did my 2006 and 2005 at the same time
6:12 PM it's not like da phokkers needed da money
6:13 PM me: hmmm, maybe i'll wait a coupla years den, but i wouldn't get dat 600 in cash money dere sending out (bribe)
6:14 PM Kevin: yeah you shhould file so dey send you your bribe... guatemala two goals in da last cuppla minutes
me: am i part of Operation Enduring Freedom?
6:15 PM christ, gin & tonic time
Kevin: dere is a hole in da ground wif your name on it over deres
6:16 PM me: coo
6:17 PM Kevin: gotz to call mary and tell her what i phink of her ppt prezentation (interview at notre dame weds-thurs)
6:18 PM me: i pfink it kicks ass
6:22 PM Kevin: shocker: bulls DESTROYED tonight. arent dey dead yet?
me: deres still playing?
not so shocking: Zeniths outta da money it looks
9 minutes
6:32 PM me: annuder run in 4-1 i cont. to blame you
Kevin: sounds like you have trouble taking responsibility
6:34 PM me: 5-1.............
and......
he....
GUONE
Kevin: finally
some good news
6:36 PM me: time to get a bottle of wine......
OH LORD:
6:37 PM Kevin: oh yes
me: Dorf on Pitching is in
"a nightmare for Phil Hughes tonight"
Kevin: well den... dis is his last chance to get whatever whatever whatever outta his system before he starts pitching for da horrorzzz
6:38 PM me: one out!
Coco up...
Kevin: while we're at it...
is obama retoddid?
6:39 PM how eager you gotz to be to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?
me: mebbe
6:40 PM two outs!!
6:41 PM so Tiger lost to a white guy from South Africa?
Kevin: yeah spin that one
6:42 PM me: golf legends: another thing we now suck at
WILD PITCH!
6:43 PM anudder run!
Dorf!
6:44 PM Kevin: i blame pennsylvanians clinging to guns religion and hostility to immigrants
6:45 PM me: base hit!
Kevin: i blame you
me: anudder run!
6:46 PM SEVEN RUNS CHARGED TO HYOOOOOGHSUCKS
none to da Dorfman - doesn't seem fair
6:47 PM taxes: confused
Kevin: datz da idea
6:48 PM if you were a plutocrat whut could afford a good accountant, you wunt have dis prollem
me: yeah, shoulda though of dat
6:49 PM Kevin: whyzzit always up to me to point out da obvious?
me: ok, straight off, there is supossed to be a box 7 on the W-2
and yet, there isn't one
6:50 PM it goes 5, 6...9, 10
Kevin: yeah dat rocks
i luv dat
me: thanx, asshole
6:51 PM Kevin: hey you culda voted for da huckster and shut down da irs
17 minutes
7:08 PM me: in your honor, i picked up a Black Swan Shirazez for $7.
i'm sure it will suck
7:09 PM Kevin: i will be honored to hear how much it sucks'
7:10 PM me: got to finish the gin first and these FUCKING TAXES
Kevin: screw off cap?
me: let's see here
no
Kevin: worriesome
7:11 PM me: New Look! Same BOLD Taste
Kevin: giving normie da remote is a sure ticket to an eclectic ride across the cosmos. now getting a glimpse of pope ratzo going through files of the inquisition
7:12 PM meanwhile da chix'zz need to pick up annudder new OF
killed annudder one, aldough in fairness, roberts was already dead when we found him
me: don't drink and pick...
7:13 PM Kevin: too late
me: uh oh - what did you do?
7:14 PM Kevin: nuffin yet but brett carroll is batting his eyes at me
wait -- is dat jody gerut?
7:15 PM me: Grapes, sun wind, a dash of daring, unfiltered laughter, the feeling of leaving work at 3pm on a Thursday, the rush of having your favorite cafe name a dessert after you, the pride of filling page 6 of your passport...
Gerut is da minors
Kevin: whatever da phokk you're reading, some of us live in da real world (NOT kollyforniya)
7:16 PM chris SHNELLLLLing was brought up today
i phink
me: ...in other words, black cherry boldness accented with a dash of peppery spice-authentically, delightfully unpredictable. SIP, SAVOR, ENJOY THE BLACK SWAN LIFE.
at only $7 a bottle!
7:17 PM Shnelling: poped out today, i saw dat
popped
Kevin: wow, sounds like you are in da catbird seat over deres
me: he should be good for 3 popouts a week
Kevin: sounds like a chick
me: two words:
RAJAH DAVIS
7:18 PM Kevin: wily mo coyote called activated today
rajah davis is ALREADY a chick -- DUH!
me: ohhhhhhhh...sorry to hear dat
hopw about dis guy the Giants brought up...
Kevin: you dont subscribe to da chixzzzz timezzzzz?
7:19 PM john bow-wow-wowker?
me: yeah, yeah
7:20 PM Kevin: chix already gotz roberts, raj-d, and ortmeier -- sorta feeling drunk on crappy giants OFers
7:21 PM me: he's hot 2 HRs already
7:22 PM it also assures one of the losers will be playing
John Bowker (OF, SF)
The 24 year-old had his best year offensively in '07, achieving career-highs in doubles and HR. For his career, Bowker has hit .296/.352/.472. He doesn't have any plus tools offensively, but he does a lot of things well. He has moderate power, mostly to the pull side, and has been able to hit for a high BA due to his quick hands. Bowker, a left-handed hitter, also has found a way to hit lefties. He does strike out a lot - 100+ Ks in each of the past three seasons. His approach is also on the aggressive side and he doesn't have much speed. Defensively, Bowker is best suited for LF. He has good range and is instinctual, but has a below average arm. He's expected to get some starts over the next few weeks and could supply some much-needed offensive punch.
Kevin: or it could be da block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joes
me: it could be...IT IS!
7:24 PM Kevin: i would rather DESTROY mister SCHNELLLLLLing
7:25 PM me: he doesn't need your help
he's injured every part of his body
Kevin: spose dat is redunnant
me: TWICE
7:26 PM Kevin: i'm just glad fisk navigated the minefield of time zone changes to survive the weekend
it's like indiana around here, nobody knows what da phokk time it is
7:28 PM me: i'm still on Step 1 of my taxes - so maybe dat whole thing was my fault
7:29 PM Kevin: prollaby
7:30 PM dont forget to write "GEORGE W BUSH IS A PHOKKING @$$#O|3" on the memo line of your check
me: never gonna get that far
7:31 PM really, ii'm thinking of starting over with another online filer
govt should be run more like a business
7:35 PM Kevin: you phink you got prollems -- i';m trying to re-do the horror lineup
should prolly pay a few bills too
too late -- drinking
7:36 PM me: i've moved onto turbotax
7:37 PM FUCK EMSMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7:39 PM Kevin: nickelanddimemudderphokkers
7:41 PM me: "This person passed away before filing this return."
Kevin: possibly
me: really sums up everypfing
Kevin: i phink so
7:46 PM me: figgered out da prollem...
would you believe:
Smiff was to blame!
Kevin: no
7:50 PM me: so i'm back at efarttax and on dere W-2 form where asks for the control # in box a, even though on the actual form it is in box d
i'm confused again
Kevin: cant you just make some s#i+ up?
me: and they have my SS# in box d, when on the form it is in box a
back to turbotax...
7:52 PM FUCK ESMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7 minutes
7:59 PM me: prollem at turbotax - i'm cosnidering not filing and going OFF GRD
GRID
8:00 PM Kevin: though it did not work for me, i phink it it worf a tryu
try
8:01 PM me: i think i'm gonna i'm dat wine now
and fuck everypfing
5 minutes
8:07 PM Kevin: John Bowker homered for the second straight day on Sunday when he took Cardinals starter Joel Pinerio deep for a two-run blast.
Bowker also added a sacrifice fly and an RBI single, leaving him with four RBI on the day. The left-hander had a pretty nice season for Double-A Connecticut in 2007, hitting .307 with 22 homers and 35 doubles. That line looks even better when considering he was playing in a park that substantially favored pitchers. He's an underrated prospect who would have some value in NL-only leagues if given three or four starts per week.
me: day wine didnt have a real cork in it - concern?
Kevin: no i phink that is good
cork SUCKS
me: yeah, pick up Schnelling
Kevin: artificial cork better
twist-off best
8:09 PM me: wow it's BOLD
Kevin: shiraz is bold
me: PEPPERY
8:11 PM Kevin: just opened a cheap shiraz here -- SUCKS. not peppery, not bold
for future reference -- just cuz its at trader joes and its really cheap doesnt mean its good
8:12 PM me: really? like i've been sayin' - everyphing is a scam
8 minutes
8:20 PM me: Ken asking anudder idiotic question
why is there crap in my pants?
8:21 PM also:
Wong ignoring me
8:22 PM Monks backup C could be INJ - i am SHOCKED
8:23 PM actually he was the backup to the backup who is injured
Kevin: souds like you got chikken prollems
8:24 PM me: Fants have the 1st good offensive day of the year, i think
be prepared: Milton Bradley soon to be SHITCANNED
8:25 PM didn't start either of the last two games
probably has an ingrown toenail
8:28 PM Kevin: dumb dumb dumb dumb question
8:33 PM me: ok: George "FUCKING ASSHOLE" Bush owes me $831
8:34 PM but i've never gotten a refund like dat, so i musta did sumfing wrong
so
should i pay $9.95 for audit protection?
or just LET IT ROLL
i'm depending on YOU
8:35 PM Kevin: you: totally phokked
me: is that a no? yes? mebbe?
8:36 PM Kevin: george w bush is a phokking a$$hole
me: we covered dat...for 7 years
8:38 PM Kevin: well if yer really getting $831 back, 10 bucks insurance doesnt seem like so much
8:39 PM but i went to h+r block this year and paid them MEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLIONNZZZZZZZZ so what da phokk do i know?
8:40 PM hint: not a whole phokking lottofamuch
on my phird bottlawine tonight dough so must be doing somephing right
8:41 PM dis just in dough - george w bush is a phokking @###0|3
8:42 PM me: three bottles?
is there a AAmeeting nearby?
8:43 PM Kevin: "are you proud of me? can i go home now? -- brownie "brownie" brown
8:45 PM speaking of dead people: 4/13 10:05 pm: Jonathan Papelbon won't be available to pitch on Sunday night, MLB.com confirms. He had to wait through a long rain delay to close the game on Saturday and is simply getting the day off.
8:46 PM he will be missed
me: Turbotax charges $31 to file a state return: can you spell: R I P O F F ?
Kevin: no i cannot but dat does sound purdy expensive
8:47 PM me: yeah, i told them to FUCK OFF
Kevin: dat musta been satisfying
8:48 PM me: i'd pay $10 fer the convenience, but $31? i also told them AND PRINT IT
Kevin: did you mention RIGHT DOWNTOWN?
dey prolly figgered as much anyway
8:50 PM me: oh, right - just told 'em - also told 'em to FUCK OFF again in case they didn't hear the first time
55 minutes
9:45 PM me: Joe Crede is mine!
he'll be dead soon
Kevin: i will blame you den
9:46 PM me: AND i still have my supp pick left
9:47 PM Kevin: AND micah bowie: available
9:48 PM me: i am shocked to hear there is corruption in Iraq - i mean, everything else has been going so well
Kevin: need i add: tyler yikes
that is disappointing but i'm sure they will muddle frough
me: don't add
5 minutes
9:54 PM me: 4th bottle?
9:55 PM Kevin: should i?
9:56 PM me: what could possibly go wrong?
Kevin: k
9:57 PM me: Rezko is involved - wah roh
9:59 PM Franquelis?
what is a Randor Bierd?
10:02 PM Kevin: whu? are you making up words now?
me: mebbe
10:03 PM Not much to go on for Bierd, but it's apparent that the Orioles are trying to catch lightning in a bottle here. Bierd was marginally impressive in spring training (11.1 IP, 2.38 ERA, 5.7 Dom, 1.4 Cmd), but last year's 144 BPV is enough to catch anyone's eye, no matter the level of competition. Bierd appears to have good command and the ability to limit home runs, but let's see how that translates to major league performance. Bierd is worth monitoring, but not worth rostering just yet.
how duz Henry Blanco sound?
10:04 PM i figger Montero is never coming back, and Barajas will be gone for weeks, months
10:05 PM Kevin: dis just in - my head hurts. it is prollaby nuffing to worry about
10:08 PM me: k
10:09 PM Kevin: montero is a prairie chicken so he is prollaby coughing up blood as you read this
me: yes, and a Bluestem?
10:11 PM Kevin: why yes! he was!
news item: • Obama accuses rivals of twisting his words for political gain
he will be missed
11 minutes
10:23 PM me: dat cancer guy wuz pretty kool
Kevin: who dat?
10:24 PM 60 minutes?
me: on da 60 minutes
let's save the plutocrats first
10:26 PM Kevin: i missed him, but genelly speaking, plutocratic illnesses are tragic, while the deaths of poor PHOKKS is sorta unfortunate but necessary
10:27 PM me: watch it online
did guy invented a cure machine in his kitchen
10:28 PM radio waves and shit get in dere and kick cancer's ASS
Kevin: in udder words, if faith-based initiatives work for the economy, than ability-to-pay-based-initiatives work for miracles
ow cancer's balls?
10:29 PM me: mebbe
worked on rats
Kevin: like from the toilet?
me: da terlet?
Kevin: yes
10:30 PM me: what about terlets?
did you open more wine?
Kevin: possibly
also - its like tomorrow an s#i+ here
10:31 PM me: being there sucks
Kevin: yes it does
10:32 PM so den... i better get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...s
10:33 PM me: z
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday Night Is Wine Night (cont'd)
me: did get the FISK results?
did you get
Kevin: yezzur
Sent at 8:13 PM on Monday
me: phokker
Kevin: remarkable yes... i phink so too
Sent at 8:15 PM on Monday
me: Kansas losing another big game?
SHOCKING
Kevin: seems unlikelyu
Sent at 8:22 PM on Monday
me: maybe spoke too soon
Sent at 8:24 PM on Monday
me: Yabu pitched today...
Kevin: non-catostrophically
Sent at 8:26 PM on Monday
me: He will soon be on one of your teams
how's Callix doing?
Sent at 8:29 PM on Monday
me: ovvvvertime
Kevin: callix -- you will see -- everyone will see...
Sent at 8:31 PM on Monday
me: yes, The A.J. Hinch Experience, we know...
Kevin: now you're catching on...
me: i jinxed KanASS in reverse
Sent at 8:37 PM on Monday
me: those phokkers still haven't sent the FISK results
or Big Hurt
phokkers
Kevin: by email? i got all three of mine
sucker!
me: gfy!!
i see the Monks are in 1st though
Horror with a negative run differential...
Kevin: clutch though
me: and a two game losing streak
Kevin: need i add: tied for 1st
me: with 40 other teams
CQs are punchless
and hapless
Kevin: beleaguered?
me: leagueredless
Wyverns, you ask?
Kevin: uh, yeah, why not
me: Tied for 1st
Kevin: with 40 other teams?
me: nope, just phree
Kevin: cool!
me: yeah!
Sent at 8:46 PM on Monday
me: in reversal of fortune, no hitting but lotsa pitching
AND John Bale is available...
Kevin: for a high price
me: nope, just a supp pick
Kevin: thats crazy talk
me: Bill Self didn't choke again? damn
well, tomorrow he will be introduced as the new coach at Oklahoma St.
for $8 MEEEEEllion a year
Sent at 8:51 PM on Monday
me: so the 2nd best team this year is -
Davidson
Sent at 8:53 PM on Monday
me: DICKIE V crying on ESPN... he's going into the Basketball Hall of Fame, BABY!
Kevin: what category?
Sent at 9:02 PM on Monday
Kevin: so when does anthony bourdain come to chicago and vist hot dougs? they can whine rhapsodic about the pleasures of fatty duck liver and bird torture
me: yes. why hasn't he come to Chicago?
he already did the bird torture in Quebec...
followed by the seal torture
Kevin: canucks can torture? mfa... if dat were true dey would run the world instead of us
me: well, they're not real Canadians: da French and da Eskimos
Kevin: cajun inbred seal-clubbing phokks?
Sent at 9:08 PM on Monday
me: da cajun inbreds tortured da ducks, and da eskimos shot a seal and den sliced it up and ate it raw (as in uncooked)
AB got to suck out an eyeball
Kevin: lucky phokker
me: i know - raw seal eyeball? i'd kill for dat
Kevin: if you havent picked it up, the account of that scene in The Nasty Bits is pretty phokkin phonny
me: da Nasty Bits?
Kevin: yezzur
me: uh, and what is dat?
is it on the internets?
Kevin: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-Bits-Collected-Varietal-Usable/dp/1596913606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207628064&sr=1-1
everyphing is on da internets! duh!
me: oh, it's a book. how quaint
not to change the subject, but you want to trade Chris Young back to me?
Kevin: no
but if you have an offer, i'd "listen"
me: what do yas need?
Johnny Cueto?
Kevin: Smelts? Nothing! They rock
me: nuffing huh? what's this i'd listen crap den
Kevin: Oh!!!!!! Here's a shokker... Estabain Loaizer hammered tonight
me: PHOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
U
AND PRINT IT
Sent at 9:20 PM on Monday
me: i blame you:
Derek Jeter will miss at least one game with a strained left quad, but he's not expected to land on the disabled list.
Wilson Betemit will fill in for Jeter on Tuesday and possibly for the rest of the week. The Yankees may call up Alberto Gonzalez to help out defensively if they don't think Jeter will be back within a few days.
Kevin: fair enough
for the record
i blame myself as well
me: right then
Michael Barrett: strained elbow: Chix?
dentist chair tomorrow...
i blame you
Kevin: your dentist crap is not my fault. i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years. its as simple as not picking up the phone. inertia even works in my favor on this one
barrett -- phokk him -- not my prollem -- never wuz -- never will be
Sent at 9:26 PM on Monday
Kevin: tonight: villa maria merlot cabernet
it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent at 9:28 PM on Monday
me: shocking
Kevin: lisa: why do they call you "bleeding gums?"
me: i gotsta BV Coastal Estates Private Cellars 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
Kevin: bleeding gums murphy: let's put it this way... ever been to the dentist?
lisa: yeah
bleeding gums murphy: not me!
lisa: eeeeeew!
bleeding gums murphy: i probly shoud go...
there is a simpsons reference for everything
2003 -- woop-de-phokkin-dew...
me: bleeding gums mcclure - has a ring to it
ok for 9 bucks
Kevin: daing... that's what this AWFUL merlot/cab cost
but da jin jin shiraz -- same price -- always a winner
Sent at 9:34 PM on Monday
me: it's merlot - duh
Kevin: go phokk myself?
me: jin jin - never heard of it
Kevin: da jin jinz -- worf checking out -- screw-off cap!
me: aussie?
Sent at 9:40 PM on Monday
Kevin: of course
goes down like kool-aid at a hot summer cult brainwashing'
dis just in:
i love jeebus
me: well, he did like wine
Kevin: oh yeah -- lotsa drinking going on. even made wine outta nuttin after da likker stores were closed
not unlike smiff
so there was actually college basketball tonight?
meffis won?
me: did you walk on Lake Michigan? Cubs win the World Series?
dint we cover dis - Kansas won in OT
Kevin: jeebus can only do so much
was dat dis year?
seems like a year ago
it went ot? sounds mildly amusing... mebbe i shoulda watched
me: Kansas wuz down 9 points wif 2 minutes left
Kevin: oh well, you know who i HATE? like 98% of the division 1 programs inlcuding the final phokks who were in the phinal phokking phour
me: phshocking
Kevin: if it were possible for them to ALL LOSE, that would make me SO PHOKKING HAPPY
no winner this year!!! everyone sad!!! wo-hoooooo!!!!!
next year is canceled!
the year after -- looking iffy@!
and the kicker is: we're all dead!
me: er, maybe you should go to bed? uh, just askin'
Kevin: nah, feeling great
me: ok, well, da Huskies can't make a tourney run every year, or ever
Sent at 9:50 PM on Monday
Kevin: da huskies will never, ever, ever, ever field a decent basketball team again. the cubs will win the world series before the huskies finish above .500. and the world will be a fiery crispy crackly conflagration before the cubs ever win the world series (see: s#i+ burning up).
Sent at 9:51 PM on Monday
Kevin: so, meffis won?
meffis! it's almost hard to hate them. but somehow, i do
me: well, they killed Martin Luther King, for starters...
Kevin: yes. though it's hard to hold that against this year's team, but somehow, i do
me: especially when the the entire team are darkies
Kevin: Matt Cain: awful. i blame you
me: you knew da risks
sucker
Kevin: da k-mad touch -- everything turns to risk
ok, so it's like, midnight here
dat means, either i go to bed...
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: or, like... what a retard
me: or...more wine?
Kevin: dude i had like a bottle and a half arreddy
and its like... tomorrow
need i add:
me: you should be here - only 10
Kevin: unhinged
yeah, well... by da time i get deres, it would be later den it is now
me: but you could sleep on the plane
Kevin: but i'm a tarrist
dere -- i run rings round ya logically
me: where a hat
Kevin: andy zimmer is eating brainzzz on tv
me: who's?
Kevin: llama
me: tasty
Kevin: he's in bolivia, where, presumably, there is nothing but llama brainzz to eat
me: dey don't eat da rest of da llama?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
dey probly due eat da rest of da llama, but it isn't as funny as da brain-eating part whut gets on da tv
me: dats true - were they raw?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
i phink dey was cooked
me: you said titi and caca - FUNNY STUFF
Kevin: wait -- titicaca
get it?
me: west of chester?
Kevin: no... titicaca
dere is a lake dere an everyding
me: oh, i don't get it den
Mount Titicaca would be funnier
Sent at 10:06 PM on Monday
Kevin: just so you know:
llama tongue... a little chewy
and since its bedtime for me
since, like, it's... tomorrow
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: and the kicker is: i'm dead
yes!
me: maybe, but you and dickie v are still hall of famers in my book
Kevin: yeah but he has been dead longer den me
i just wanna be a ptp'er baby
Sent at 10:11 PM on Monday
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: possibly
me: more booze? any nyquil in da house?
Sent at 10:13 PM on Monday
Kevin is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kevin comes online.
did you get
Kevin: yezzur
Sent at 8:13 PM on Monday
me: phokker
Kevin: remarkable yes... i phink so too
Sent at 8:15 PM on Monday
me: Kansas losing another big game?
SHOCKING
Kevin: seems unlikelyu
Sent at 8:22 PM on Monday
me: maybe spoke too soon
Sent at 8:24 PM on Monday
me: Yabu pitched today...
Kevin: non-catostrophically
Sent at 8:26 PM on Monday
me: He will soon be on one of your teams
how's Callix doing?
Sent at 8:29 PM on Monday
me: ovvvvertime
Kevin: callix -- you will see -- everyone will see...
Sent at 8:31 PM on Monday
me: yes, The A.J. Hinch Experience, we know...
Kevin: now you're catching on...
me: i jinxed KanASS in reverse
Sent at 8:37 PM on Monday
me: those phokkers still haven't sent the FISK results
or Big Hurt
phokkers
Kevin: by email? i got all three of mine
sucker!
me: gfy!!
i see the Monks are in 1st though
Horror with a negative run differential...
Kevin: clutch though
me: and a two game losing streak
Kevin: need i add: tied for 1st
me: with 40 other teams
CQs are punchless
and hapless
Kevin: beleaguered?
me: leagueredless
Wyverns, you ask?
Kevin: uh, yeah, why not
me: Tied for 1st
Kevin: with 40 other teams?
me: nope, just phree
Kevin: cool!
me: yeah!
Sent at 8:46 PM on Monday
me: in reversal of fortune, no hitting but lotsa pitching
AND John Bale is available...
Kevin: for a high price
me: nope, just a supp pick
Kevin: thats crazy talk
me: Bill Self didn't choke again? damn
well, tomorrow he will be introduced as the new coach at Oklahoma St.
for $8 MEEEEEllion a year
Sent at 8:51 PM on Monday
me: so the 2nd best team this year is -
Davidson
Sent at 8:53 PM on Monday
me: DICKIE V crying on ESPN... he's going into the Basketball Hall of Fame, BABY!
Kevin: what category?
Sent at 9:02 PM on Monday
Kevin: so when does anthony bourdain come to chicago and vist hot dougs? they can whine rhapsodic about the pleasures of fatty duck liver and bird torture
me: yes. why hasn't he come to Chicago?
he already did the bird torture in Quebec...
followed by the seal torture
Kevin: canucks can torture? mfa... if dat were true dey would run the world instead of us
me: well, they're not real Canadians: da French and da Eskimos
Kevin: cajun inbred seal-clubbing phokks?
Sent at 9:08 PM on Monday
me: da cajun inbreds tortured da ducks, and da eskimos shot a seal and den sliced it up and ate it raw (as in uncooked)
AB got to suck out an eyeball
Kevin: lucky phokker
me: i know - raw seal eyeball? i'd kill for dat
Kevin: if you havent picked it up, the account of that scene in The Nasty Bits is pretty phokkin phonny
me: da Nasty Bits?
Kevin: yezzur
me: uh, and what is dat?
is it on the internets?
Kevin: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-Bits-Collected-Varietal-Usable/dp/1596913606/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1207628064&sr=1-1
everyphing is on da internets! duh!
me: oh, it's a book. how quaint
not to change the subject, but you want to trade Chris Young back to me?
Kevin: no
but if you have an offer, i'd "listen"
me: what do yas need?
Johnny Cueto?
Kevin: Smelts? Nothing! They rock
me: nuffing huh? what's this i'd listen crap den
Kevin: Oh!!!!!! Here's a shokker... Estabain Loaizer hammered tonight
me: PHOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
U
AND PRINT IT
Sent at 9:20 PM on Monday
me: i blame you:
Derek Jeter will miss at least one game with a strained left quad, but he's not expected to land on the disabled list.
Wilson Betemit will fill in for Jeter on Tuesday and possibly for the rest of the week. The Yankees may call up Alberto Gonzalez to help out defensively if they don't think Jeter will be back within a few days.
Kevin: fair enough
for the record
i blame myself as well
me: right then
Michael Barrett: strained elbow: Chix?
dentist chair tomorrow...
i blame you
Kevin: your dentist crap is not my fault. i havent been to the dentist in like 10 years. its as simple as not picking up the phone. inertia even works in my favor on this one
barrett -- phokk him -- not my prollem -- never wuz -- never will be
Sent at 9:26 PM on Monday
Kevin: tonight: villa maria merlot cabernet
it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent at 9:28 PM on Monday
me: shocking
Kevin: lisa: why do they call you "bleeding gums?"
me: i gotsta BV Coastal Estates Private Cellars 2003 Cabernet Sauvignon
Kevin: bleeding gums murphy: let's put it this way... ever been to the dentist?
lisa: yeah
bleeding gums murphy: not me!
lisa: eeeeeew!
bleeding gums murphy: i probly shoud go...
there is a simpsons reference for everything
2003 -- woop-de-phokkin-dew...
me: bleeding gums mcclure - has a ring to it
ok for 9 bucks
Kevin: daing... that's what this AWFUL merlot/cab cost
but da jin jin shiraz -- same price -- always a winner
Sent at 9:34 PM on Monday
me: it's merlot - duh
Kevin: go phokk myself?
me: jin jin - never heard of it
Kevin: da jin jinz -- worf checking out -- screw-off cap!
me: aussie?
Sent at 9:40 PM on Monday
Kevin: of course
goes down like kool-aid at a hot summer cult brainwashing'
dis just in:
i love jeebus
me: well, he did like wine
Kevin: oh yeah -- lotsa drinking going on. even made wine outta nuttin after da likker stores were closed
not unlike smiff
so there was actually college basketball tonight?
meffis won?
me: did you walk on Lake Michigan? Cubs win the World Series?
dint we cover dis - Kansas won in OT
Kevin: jeebus can only do so much
was dat dis year?
seems like a year ago
it went ot? sounds mildly amusing... mebbe i shoulda watched
me: Kansas wuz down 9 points wif 2 minutes left
Kevin: oh well, you know who i HATE? like 98% of the division 1 programs inlcuding the final phokks who were in the phinal phokking phour
me: phshocking
Kevin: if it were possible for them to ALL LOSE, that would make me SO PHOKKING HAPPY
no winner this year!!! everyone sad!!! wo-hoooooo!!!!!
next year is canceled!
the year after -- looking iffy@!
and the kicker is: we're all dead!
me: er, maybe you should go to bed? uh, just askin'
Kevin: nah, feeling great
me: ok, well, da Huskies can't make a tourney run every year, or ever
Sent at 9:50 PM on Monday
Kevin: da huskies will never, ever, ever, ever field a decent basketball team again. the cubs will win the world series before the huskies finish above .500. and the world will be a fiery crispy crackly conflagration before the cubs ever win the world series (see: s#i+ burning up).
Sent at 9:51 PM on Monday
Kevin: so, meffis won?
meffis! it's almost hard to hate them. but somehow, i do
me: well, they killed Martin Luther King, for starters...
Kevin: yes. though it's hard to hold that against this year's team, but somehow, i do
me: especially when the the entire team are darkies
Kevin: Matt Cain: awful. i blame you
me: you knew da risks
sucker
Kevin: da k-mad touch -- everything turns to risk
ok, so it's like, midnight here
dat means, either i go to bed...
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: or, like... what a retard
me: or...more wine?
Kevin: dude i had like a bottle and a half arreddy
and its like... tomorrow
need i add:
me: you should be here - only 10
Kevin: unhinged
yeah, well... by da time i get deres, it would be later den it is now
me: but you could sleep on the plane
Kevin: but i'm a tarrist
dere -- i run rings round ya logically
me: where a hat
Kevin: andy zimmer is eating brainzzz on tv
me: who's?
Kevin: llama
me: tasty
Kevin: he's in bolivia, where, presumably, there is nothing but llama brainzz to eat
me: dey don't eat da rest of da llama?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
dey probly due eat da rest of da llama, but it isn't as funny as da brain-eating part whut gets on da tv
me: dats true - were they raw?
Kevin: see also: lake titicaca
i phink dey was cooked
me: you said titi and caca - FUNNY STUFF
Kevin: wait -- titicaca
get it?
me: west of chester?
Kevin: no... titicaca
dere is a lake dere an everyding
me: oh, i don't get it den
Mount Titicaca would be funnier
Sent at 10:06 PM on Monday
Kevin: just so you know:
llama tongue... a little chewy
and since its bedtime for me
since, like, it's... tomorrow
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: and the kicker is: i'm dead
yes!
me: maybe, but you and dickie v are still hall of famers in my book
Kevin: yeah but he has been dead longer den me
i just wanna be a ptp'er baby
Sent at 10:11 PM on Monday
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: possibly
me: more booze? any nyquil in da house?
Sent at 10:13 PM on Monday
Kevin is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kevin comes online.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
