Troglodyte Homunculus goes to the polls

Now some poor schmuck has to figure out who the hell he was trying to vote for.

Will, Zweibel, and K-Mad: triplets separated at birth?

George Will: A word describes most of the people who will vote only if a ballot is shoved through their mail slot: "slothful." What kind of people will not bestir themselves to exercise their franchise if doing so requires them to get off their couches and visit neighborhood polling places? People who are barely interested, and hence probably are barely informed.

T. Herman Zweibel: I am told that our new War of the White House section will contain the vetted and censored life stories of each candidate; white-washed and simplified versions of their heinous plans to drain the life and wealth of each and every tax-payer; a schedule denoting the appearances of every aspirant, so that one may go and be covered in unspeakable fulminating lies in person instead of hearing them over the crystal-set. I should God damned well hope that there will also be prettily-colored pictures, or else the average American citizen will not be able to keep his eye on it for more than a few heart-beats, and it would be better yet if there were accompanying photos of ample heaving bosoms.

When Idiotic Baseball Broadcasters Attack

Buck Martinez and Chip Caray wax idiotic on the perils of taking pitches. Is it a requirement of an "old school" guy like Martinez to dump on Moneyball during every broadcast? It must be in their contracts. "Moneyball bad...taking pitches bad...must be aggressive...I am a zombie..." Of course, he has probably never the read the book. At least he didn't say Billy Beane wrote it (like Joe Morgan). Alas, the reason for Toronto's turnaround this year? The hitters are being aggressive, therefore their batting averages have gone up. "Right here you don't want Lyle Overbay to walk because he can't steal a base, you want him to hit a double." Er, Buck, can't we say that about any hitter? Isn't a runner on 2nd ALWAYS better than a runner on 1st? Oh, i forgot, a player with speed ALWAYS steals 2nd base, so i guess it's okay if those guys walk. What if a pitcher isn't throwing strikes like Matsuzaka today? You still swing at pitches out of the strike zone, like Rolen and Snider did to end the inning with runners on 1st and 3rd.

Chip's brilliant interjection: the winner of the game isn't the team with the higher on base percentage, it's the team that scores the most runs. Thanks Chip...and you are A MORON. The poster child for nepotism (though still following in his MORONIC relatives' footsteps). Let's see, yes, there is no correlation between base runners and runs scored. That's what these two idiots are saying. It's all about CLUTCH-HITTING! Well, let's look at the runs leaders in the AL. Texas and Boston. You know what category they also lead the league in? On base percentage (2nd and 1st). They also rank 3rd and 1st in walks, respectively. What team is last in the AL in runs and OBP? The Moneyball team itself, Oakland! (Maybe Billy Beane should re-read the book he wrote.) I'm going to go way out on a limb here: teams with more base runners score more runs. Go ahead, call me crazy. I also believe in evolution and global warming.

Perhaps Toronto's W-L record under Gaston is more related to allowing the fewest runs in the league and not being "aggressive at the plate."

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Bush: genetically defective?

Are you a born conservative (or liberal)?
A new study suggests that your political attitudes are wired in from the beginning.

Notes from the End Times

The Troglodyte Homunculi are half a point from third place in Wellness Center.

American men, women drop relay batons

Relay flubs cap 0-for-6 US showing in sprint races

Good Morning!

McCain Makes Significant Gains in Four Key Battleground States
Majority of Voters in Colorado, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin Favor Keeping Troops in Iraq, According to Quinnipiac-washingtonpost.com-Wall Street Journal Survey

Republican John McCain has quickly closed the gap between himself and Democratic rival Sen. Barack Obama in several key battleground states even as the Arizona senator struggles to break through the wall-to-wall coverage of Obama's trip to Europe and the Middle East this week.