Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Canadian plutocrats, we got your dog here
The Dragon Dog is made with a bratwurst infused with century-old Louis the 13th cognac, which costs more than $2,000 a bottle.
Other ingredients include Kobe beef seared in olive and truffle oil, fresh lobster (NO KETCHUP! - ed.) and a secret picante sauce.
~
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Exciting developments in booze (cont'd)
Imagine a wine connoisseur swirling Cabernet Sauvignon around in his mouth, and then comparing the experience to "drinking elements from the birth of the solar system."
With those exact words, vineyard owner Ian Hutcheon is promoting Meteorito, the first wine aged with a roughly 4.5 billion-year-old meteorite believed to be from the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.
~
Friday, November 25, 2011
Just in time for Christmas!
"The urinal-based video game system uses infrared sensors to enable users to steer down a ski slope while knocking over penguins or perform other simple actions by aiming their urine to the left, right, or center."
~
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Literally Unbelievable (cont)
A SECURITY guard from South Yorkshire shot himself in the hand to try to remove a wart from his finger.
Sean Murphy, 38, lost most of his left middle finger after using the stolen 12-bore Beretta shotgun at a garden centre in Doncaster.
He also landed in court for using an illegal firearm, and was handed a 16-week suspended prison sentence.
Murphy was told at Doncaster Magistrates’ Court that the offence carried a maximum 15 year term.
But he said: “The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble.” (every cloud has a silver lining - ed)
Murphy, a security officer at Markham Grange Nurseries, Brodsworth, at the time of the incident in March, has since lost his job. He had suffered with the wart on the joint closest to the tip of his middle finger for more than five years.
He said: “It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to bend. I’d been to the doctors and tried all sorts of things but it wouldn’t go.
“I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it.”
Murphy, of Kings Road, Doncaster, pleaded guilty to theft of the shotgun by finding and possessing it without a valid firearms certificate.
Police were called to Markham Grange on the afternoon of March 13 to discover an injured man with a missing finger. He told them he had used a shotgun he had found in a hedge bottom near the nursery three months earlier.
An investigation showed it was taken during a burglary in 2009 but Murphy said he had no knowledge of that.
Martin Ward, prosecuting, said: “On the afternoon in question he had some drink.” (yes, as always, blame it on the alcohol - ed)
Richard Haigh, defending, said Murphy had been ‘a victim of his own stupidity’ when domestic pressures got to him.
District Judge Jonathan Bennett told the defendant: “I don’t know what was going on in your mind.”
Murphy was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work and pay costs of £100
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Literally Unbelievable (cont)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
We are living in a (g)olden age (cont)
Two neighbours in the US state of Mississippi (shocking - ed) drew weapons and fired at each other as an argument over a defecating dog ran out of control.
Associated Press news agency (aka librul news media - ed) said Jerry Blasingame, 60, has been charged with assault for shooting Terry Tehnet, 52, with a shotgun.
Mr Tehnet was angry because he thought Mr Blasingame's dog had defecated (damn SAT words from the librul news media again - ed) on his lawn, in a rural part of the state (there's an urban part? - ed).
Mr Tehnet, whose injuries are not life-threatening, may also be charged.
The two men gave AP different versions of what happened.
'Meet me at the levee'Mr Tehnet said he visited his neighbour to complain about dog "poop" (shit - ed) on his property.
Mr Blasingame blamed him for shooting his dog the week before, Mr Tehnet said, and told him: "Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down." (aka "second amendment remedy" - ed)
Mr Blasingame told AP he got his gun and drove off but Mr Tehnet did not follow so he returned to the neighbourhood.
The two men confronted one another again and each claimed the other produced a weapon first.
"He shot twice, I returned fire," said Mr Blasingame.
Mr Tehnet said Mr Blasingame opened fire first with his shotgun so he took his pistol from his car and fired back.
He said he was hit in both hands, the shoulder, chest and side by shotgun pellets, AP reported.
Washington County Chief Deputy Sheriff Billy Barber said: "Homeowners and property owners need to respect each other's property... If a dog did that in your yard, call the law. Don't take matters into your own hands."
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
This is wrong in about 400 ways
A restaurant in London's Covent Garden is serving a new range of ice cream, made with breast milk.
The dessert, called Baby Gaga(!)(?)(!)(?), is churned with donations (interesting word choice, since as noted below they get paid for the "donation" - ed) from 15 women who responded to an advertisement on an online mothers' forum.
One of the women, Victoria Hiley, 35, said if adults realised how tasty breast milk was more new mothers would be encouraged to breastfeed. (That doesn't make any phokking sense. If grownups knew how tasty breast milk was then more mums would feed it to their babies? I'm guessing it isn't a taste issue that makes mums stop breast feeding their kids...ed)
Each serving of Baby Gaga at Icecreamists costs £14.
Mrs Hiley's donation was expressed on site and pasteurised before being churned with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.
Icecreamists founder Matt O'Connor placed an advert appealing for breast milk donations and believes his new recipe will be a success.
"If it's good enough for our children, it's good enough for the rest of us," he said.
"Some people will hear about it and go yuck - but actually it's pure organic, free-range and totally natural." (Except the women drive everywhere or sit at home in front of the computer and TV & ate twinkies & drank soda exclusively during that time, violating all 3 qualities mentioned - ed)
Mrs Hiley, who gets £15 for every 10 ounces of milk she donates to the company, said it was a great "recession beater".
"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" she added. (The pin-up girls already took that one. Come up with something different - ed)
"I teach women how to get started on breastfeeding their babies. There's very little support for women and every little helps."
Mr O'Connor said health checks for the lactating women were the same used by hospitals to screen blood donors.
"No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," he added. (If this is what you call interesting....ed)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dumb Criminals (cont)
The one teen told police that upon leaving the scene, he said to his friends, “We can’t let them live, they’re witnesses,” officers said.
“He wasn’t remorseful,” criminal investigations Sgt. Mike Hernandez said. “It was disturbing. Certainly something they didn’t need to do.”
From Corporal's home town, no less. Clearly they've been watching too much CSI...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Your beer and bacon tasting opportunities are limited to six hours a week, so use them well
This two-hour tasting event will feature a seasonally rotating spread of five bacons and five brews on Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays; the schedule is updated regularly, so check back for future dates.
~
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Just in time for the holidays - Kosher, vegetarian bacon flavor
"Bacon Salt is a zero calorie, zero fat, vegetarian and Kosher seasoning that makes everything taste like bacon."
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Can you tell which news story is fake and which one actually appeared in the Onion?
According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."
The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.
"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."
Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.
"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."
"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"
Ammo Sales Spike Continues Months After Obama Elected
Bullet-makers are working around the clock, seven days a week, and still can't keep up with the nation's demand for ammunition.
Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they have never seen such shortages. Bullets, especially for handguns, have been scarce for months because gun enthusiasts are stocking up on ammo, in part because they fear President Barack Obama and the Democratic-controlled Congress will pass antigun legislation — even though nothing specific has been proposed and the president last month signed a law allowing people to carry loaded guns in national parks.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Bill "Always Wrong" Kristol really not even trying to not be wrong anymore
"There is no health care crisis, and doing no harm is far preferable to doing real damage to a good health care system."
~
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Da Mare's gonna be all over dis
Years ago, there's no way we could do this," said Keith Sadler, Lancaster's police chief. "It brings to mind Big Brother, George Orwell and '1984.' It's just funny how Americans have softened on these issues."
Yes... funny... not "hah-hah" funny... more like "holy phokking s#i+" funny... but funny...
~
