Saturday, March 29, 2008

Opening Day!


AL Division Winners and Wild Card

AL East
Boston - 97-65

AL Central
Detroit - 100-62

AL West
California - 91-71

AL Wildcard
Cleveland - 95-67

NL Division Winners and Wild Card

NL East
New York - 94-68

NL Central
Chicago - 96-66

NL West
Arizona - 91-71

NL Wildcard
Milwaukee - 92-70

AL Playoffs

Boston over Cleveland
Detroit over California

Detroit over Boston

NL Playoffs
Brewers over New York
Chicago over Arizona

Chicago over Milwaukee

World Series

Chicago Cubs: World Champs 2008


AL MVP - Miguel Cabrera
NL MVP - Derrick Lee

AL CY Young - Justin Verlander
NL Cy Young - Cole Hamels

AL ROY - Evan Longoria
NL ROY - Joey Votto

AL Manager of the Year - Eric Wedge
NL Manger of the Year - Dusty Baker

Biggest Surprises
Rich Harden, healthy, has one of the best seasons on a bad team ever. But his bad team/great pitching is shadowed by the as good pitching of Cain and Lincecum who have a combined 21-27 record with a 3.45 e.r.a. and 345 innings pitched//360 k's. In the year of bad team//good pitcher, Zach Greinke, Ian Snell and Shawn Hill will also put up great periphials. As a unit, all these pitchers will go something like 62-80 with a 3.70 e.r.a. and 1030 innings pitched//980 strikeouts.

The Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays will compete for a playoff spot into mid-August if Kazmir is healthy relatively soon.

Daric Barton will break out hard-core.

Biggest Questions
To what extent will Felix Pie develop this year?

How healthy is John Lackey? If he's worse than they're saying, Seattle will be right there.

Where will Barry end up (if anywhere)?

Will the Twins get smart about Joe Mauer and at least have him play a Victor Martinez kind of role - dh'ing, maybe playing a little 3B and catching 4 games a week?

To what extent will Joba and Hughes be allowed to develop into front-line starters this year? Will Ian Kennedy kill the Joba-star? Is this allowable?

Will Alex Gordon become a beast?

What will the Mets rotation look like in mid-August? If there's some injuries, Atlanta and Philadelphia get back in the middle of things real quick.

Minor League Break-outs:
Tim Alderson - SF Giants Starting Pitcher
Joe Savery - Phi Phillies - Starting Pitcher
Josh Vitters - Chicago Cubs - 3B
Jeremy Jeffress - Milwaukee - Starting Pitcher
Bill Rowell - Baltimore - 3B
Neftali Feliz - Texas - SP
Mike McCardell - Minnesota - SP

I write this as if it were in stone.

Friday, March 28, 2008

This should make Smiff happy

The Philadelphia Daily News reports that Adam Eaton may have pitched himself out of the No. 5 spot in the Phillies rotation.
Eaton allowed six earned runs in 4 2/3 innings on Thursday to raise his spring ERA to 7.41, and manager Charlie Manuel didn't exactly commit to using him. "I don't know... We'll see when we get there. We've got plenty of time. [Next] Saturday's a long way off. Hell, I might be dead by then," Manuel said. The Phillies could turn to Chad Durbin, who has a 5.25 ERA this spring, in his place.

Capitalism gone awry

It's unbelievable how da cubbies (and other whiteys) have been milking dis 100 years of futility for all it's worth. Here's a new site, courtesy of World Awfulest Newspaper(tie), TV edition...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

this just in

everything is pathetic

What's wrong with Fung?

Dis is what CNN tells Fung he should read, based on the previous stories he read:

Stories you may be interested in based on past browsing
People who choose to eat 'Dumpster' food

Kids train to be ultimate fighters

Female author writes about her own male past

Never go against the family

Da story he was reading at dat time: Mom goes from $70K to food bank.

I haven't read any of those stories, but I wonder - did they actually study my browsing habits and choose those, or are they just pulling my leg and putting up stories noone else reads? Or is Fung so Bushian he must be told what to read?

Unhinging (cont)

McCain: Create league of democracies

McCain said he favors creation of a world organization he calls a "League of Democracies" that would work to put political, economic and possibly military pressure on countries considered undemocratic. Such an organization could move in ways the UN can't because of resistance from Russia and China, among others.

OK, so he wants to bring together a bunch of countries of his choosing so they can invade the countries that are not like us and make them like us so they can join us and invade the countries that are not like us. But we already have the UN? Well, they don't work fast enuff and we gave undemocratic nations too much power so we need a new group. That we get to pick. Well then use NATO. That group's been looking for a purpose for almost 20 years.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Understanding Whitey

Fung's quest for knowledge continues unabated. Briggsy said this site would help me out...

Was it McCain?

Oldest known fossil of human ancestor found in Spain cave

Wha happen?

The widget thingie says Obama lost 2 sooouper douper delegates to the uncommitted pool. Wha happen?

more nutjobs

Bloggers with an interest in "The End Times."

Stooopid Criminals (cont)

Only the manager can open the safe? Well, then here's my cell, call me back when he gets in so I can come back and rob you. And you better call me, otherwise I'll shoot you.

more SHOCKING news

Escalating Iraq violence may force 're-surge' for U.S. troops

those wacky pastors (cont'd)

What About McCain's Pastor Problem?

In a September 2006 interview on National Public Radio, Hagee reaffirmed his view that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment against New Orleans for hosting a homosexual parade. Hagee has also said that the Jews brought the Holocaust upon themselves by "turning away from the true God." He referred to Catholicism as a "false cult," and said the religion contributed to Hitler's anti-semitic views. When Hagee endorsed him, McCain said he was "proud" to have the pastor's support.

being president is hard work (cont'd)

"I thought it was important to welcome these champs here to the White House, you know, to encourage people to fish," Bush said. "There’s nothing better than fishing..."
-- RezzzzziDUNCE

things that are shocking (cont'd)

News item: A senior U.S. Secret Service official testified in federal court today that he was "shocked" to find out that an agency inspector had destroyed original documents sought in a long-running civil lawsuit alleging discrimination against African American agents.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

Western Antarctic ice chunk collapses
A chunk of Antarctic ice about seven times the size of Manhattan suddenly collapsed, putting an even greater portion of glacial ice at risk, scientists said Tuesday.
Satellite images show the runaway disintegration of a 160-square-mile chunk in western Antarctica, which started Feb. 28. It was the edge of the Wilkins ice shelf and has been there for hundreds, maybe 1,500 years.
This is the result of global warming, said British Antarctic Survey scientist David Vaughan.
Because scientists noticed satellite images within hours, they diverted satellite cameras and even flew an airplane over the ongoing collapse for rare pictures and video.
"It's an event we don't get to see very often," said Ted Scambos, lead scientist at the National Snow and Ice Data Center in Boulder, Colo. "The cracks fill with water and slice off and topple... That gets to be a runaway situation."
While icebergs naturally break away from the mainland, collapses like this are unusual but are happening more frequently in recent decades, Vaughan said. The collapse is similar to what happens to hardened glass when it is smashed with a hammer, he said.
The rest of the Wilkins ice shelf, which is about the size of Connecticut, is holding on by a narrow beam of thin ice. Scientists worry that it too may collapse. Larger, more dramatic ice collapses occurred in 2002 and 1995.
Vaughan had predicted the Wilkins shelf would collapse about 15 years from now. The part that recently gave way makes up about 4 percent of the overall shelf, but it's an important part that can trigger further collapse.
There's still a chance the rest of the ice shelf will survive until next year because this is the end of the Antarctic summer and colder weather is setting in, Vaughan said.
Scientists said they are not concerned about a rise in sea level from the latest event, but say it's a sign of worsening global warming.
Such occurrences are "more indicative of a tipping point or trigger in the climate system," said Sarah Das, a scientist at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute.
"These are things that are not re-forming," Das said. "So once they're gone, they're gone."
Climate in Antarctica is complicated and more isolated from the rest of the world.
Much of the continent is not warming and some parts are even cooling, Vaughan said. However, the western peninsula, which includes the Wilkins ice shelf, juts out into the ocean and is warming. This is the part of the continent where scientists are most concern about ice-melt triggering sea level rise.
On the Net:
The National Snow and Ice Data Center:
The British Antarctic Survey:

Is the Decker map next?

Ludacris’ Rap Map of US Area Codes

Smiff infiltrates UN

On World Meteorological Day, UN issues call for improved climate observations

Made up experience is not experience

News Item: After stating at least 4 times in prepared speeches that on a trip to Bosnia as first lady that the welcoming ceremony had to be moved inside because of sniper fire Hillary Clinton says that she misspoke after having it pointed out that no such thing had occurred.

Since when did lying become mispeeking and when can we have lying back?

you go into democracy with the electorate you have, not necessarily the electorate you might want or wish to have

Is 'success' of U.S. surge in Iraq about to unravel?

I dunno, but would you like to be put in leg irons for putting "success" in quotation marks? I kid, I kid... Anywho... good to see people have stopped paying attention; now we can get back to work.

K-Mad, Smiff breaking it all down for you...

9:04 PM me: did you watch 60 Minutes this week? anudder doomsday: crop extinction
none of this will matter after the bees and seeds disappear
Kevin: dang i missed it
9:05 PM none of it will matter after the asteroid impact / yellowstone caldera eruption / mccain victory in november
me: especially the latter.
9:06 PM Kevin: or if i draft prior, setting off the Rapture
me: you can watch segments on the CBS website
stay from prior - this is your only warning
Kevin: ok, but only if it's really gloomy
9:07 PM me: we've lost 86% of apple varieties since the 1800s
that's 5800 of 'em
Kevin: what have apples ever done for us anyway?
9:08 PM me: uh, well, we do eat them
anyway, there's a seed repository in Svalbard. Svalbard, dammit!
Kevin: we could eat polar bears too but nobody gives a shit about dem -- dere, i've run rings round ya logically
9:10 PM me: well, vegetarian know-it-alls can't eat polar bears. besides, there are only about 30, 35 of them left
Kevin: my boy dick clarke is on frontline in a hectoring, tendentious anti-bush diatribe
if obama is as smart as i think he is, that's your next VP
me: i'm taping dat Frontline
9:11 PM Kevin: it will make you frow your television out da window
me: apparently, BushCo made a couple mistakes, huh?
Kevin: mistakes were made
9:12 PM the new dick clarke
now with more hectoring
me: i do love hectoring
Kevin: see? we all do. he'd be a great vp
9:13 PM an amazing tapestry of lies
9:14 PM if there was a nobel prize for lying, this guys would deserve to win it for the next 100 years pre-emptively (irony not intended)
9:16 PM me: also on 60 Minutes: dey may have found the box dat Jesus' brother James' (dead) bones were put in
9:19 PM Kevin: well if dey get dna dey can recreate him an ask him whut really happened
9:20 PM wolfie etc -- it's as if they were unaware that the future would come and everyone would find out they were fullashit
do they not understand the crushing linear trajectory of time?
me: i pfink dats just a side effect from being filthy rich
9:21 PM Kevin: that might be the most plausible explanation available
9:25 PM me: 3rd story: David Beckham!!
Kevin: finally -- something interesting
9:26 PM me: he talks funny - is dat english?
9:27 PM he was injured most of the year - did you draft him?
9:28 PM Kevin: his prollems are not my fault
but even if they were, he knew da risks
never mind the world ending and shit -- i would like to know more about his life
9:29 PM me: he's very very rich
Kevin: now THAT'S interesting to me
9:33 PM me: he has 15 tattoos
that's how he expresses his feelings
Kevin: dat is so phokkin cool
9:35 PM me: his three sons are named---are you sitting down?--Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz (sp?) i must have heard this wrong
Kevin: get the PHOKK out! that is really incredible
9:37 PM me: now Andy Rooney is bitching about doctors
Kevin: sorta puts the bees disappearing into perspective don't it?
maybe now you'll quit yer whinin
9:42 PM me: did Bush catch Osama yet on dat america hating show you're watching?
Kevin: dey probally cut dat part out just outta dere deep hatred of america
9:43 PM me: so we actually win the war?
Kevin: duh!
9:44 PM we are americans!
9:45 PM dat happened a coupla years after mccain got elected. dont you remember?!@?!?
me: i must have been reading boxscores
Kevin: dats ok
9:47 PM me: Cheney thought he had United 93 shot down? i bet he cried when he found out he wasn't responsible
9:48 PM Kevin: he has many other corpses to feed on
9:49 PM me: aaaahhhhhh....all is revealed...Saddam did it!
9:53 PM Kevin: now you're getting it. a little late to save your soul but better late than never
9:54 PM me: weren't most of the terrists from Saudi Arabia? why didn't we attack them?
Kevin: cuz pappy bush holds hands wid dem an shit
9:55 PM me: oh, well, rich phokks does trump everyting
9:56 PM Kevin: its so easy once you get on dere wavelengf
9:59 PM me: Tommy Franks: 15 cups of coffee a day - your new boy?
Kevin: guess dat would explain why we bof like ta blow shit up
but you wont believe
i'm down ta free cups a day
10:00 PM me: are dese cups the size of pails?
10:01 PM Kevin: this is no time for splitting hairs
10:03 PM besides there is no agreed-upon definition of how large a pail really is
10:05 PM me: ok, a three gallon pail den
10:06 PM Kevin: so? it's still progress\
me: sorta like da surge
10:10 PM Kevin: i have one last opportunity to end many baseball careers this weekend
10:11 PM me: good luck!
Kevin: i'm taking bribes if theres anyone you want me to avoid
10:12 PM me: Cole Hamels...STAY AWAY
10:13 PM Kevin: dang -- he's already a brawler
10:14 PM me: maybe there is a God...
Ian Snell?
Kevin: he will be missed
10:16 PM me: pinot?
10:17 PM Kevin: sure!
me: putting Rummy in charge...woops!
18 minutes
10:36 PM me: Maybin demoted...thanks a lot
10:37 PM Kevin: still breathing?
me: i think so...for now
10:38 PM Kevin: lucky!
me: shouldn't you, like, be passed out?
Kevin: i'm working on it
me: vino?
10:39 PM Kevin: yellow tail shiraz -- less dan six bucks a bottle at dominicks
10:41 PM me: at least you're not drinking alone...i got a J. Lohr Monterey Valdiguie
Kevin: a whu? sounds fancy
10:42 PM won't matter after the bees / volcano / asteroid impact / rotator cuff / shit blowing up / mccain getting elected though
me: Yes.
10:43 PM Kevin: i forgot also: great depression
6 minutes
10:49 PM me: Before Monday's game, Manager Joe Maddon announced that Chad Orvella (RHP, TAM) would probably start the year on the DL with shoulder issues. After posting a 3.20 ERA in 50 IP in 2005, Orvella was a prime candidate for the closer's job in Tampa. But over the next two years, he put up an 8.81 ERA in 24 IP. That's not to say that he doesn't have skills - he had a 12.8 Dom at AAA in 2006, and a 9.2 Dom with 20 saves at AAA in 2007. But until he reduces his Ctl (8.8 the past two years) at the major league level, he's not likely to find success...see also: K-Mad
10:51 PM Kevin: what can i do to discourage him?
7 minutes
10:59 PM me: Tommy Franks also likes margaritas
11:00 PM Kevin: he also loves america
6 minutes
11:06 PM me: Richard Perle: Amoral Piece of Shit
11:07 PM Kevin: and the kicker is: we're all dead
me: "The people are just so friendly, so respectful. We could learn a lot from them as far as how to treat each other."--A's second baseman Mark Ellis, on his team's trip to Japan to open the 2008 campaign against the Red Sox.
11:09 PM Kevin: see: shit blowing up
me: "I don't read books."--Jonathan Papelbon
11:13 PM "Every time we don't play good, I let them know right away. That's how we're going to do it this year. I don't like how they play the last couple of games, and I say it in the paper, and then I have a meeting."--White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on his managerial style.
Kevin: thats it! rip the motherfuckers!
11:18 PM me: HYOOOGE ASSHOLE William "The Bloody" Kristol shows up...
Kevin: it's an asshole parade. with curveball as the clown
14 minutes
11:32 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
These messages were sent while you were offline.
11:52 PM Kevin: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

a YOOOOOOOOGE asshole... or... da YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGEST asshole? (cont'd)

News item: Noting the burden placed on military families, the vice president said the biggest burden is carried by President George W. Bush, who made the decision to commit US troops to war, and reminded the public that U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan volunteered for duty.

who's hating America today?

The communists at Media Matters, who show wanton disrespect for our McRezzziDUNCE.

oh! to be a merry plutocrat (cont'd)

Most Republicans Think the U.S. Health Care System is the Best in the World. Democrats Disagree

Source: Harvard School of Public Health

A recent survey by the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH) and Harris Interactive, as part of their ongoing series, Debating Health: Election 2008, finds that Americans are generally split on the issue of whether the United States has the best health care system in the world (45% believe the U.S. has the best system; 39% believe other countries have better systems; 15% don’t know or refused to answer) and that there is a significant divide along party lines. Nearly seven-in-ten Republicans (68%) believe the U.S. health care system is the best in the world, compared to just three in ten (32%) Democrats and four in ten (40%) Independents who feel the same way.

Thanks volunteers...

I can understand Bush s#itting all over the troops, but McSame? Bush is smiling here because someone, an animal species, or a plant species, died on his account. He just loves things when they're dead.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Another example of a retarded Cubs fan

This has to be one of the most stupidest sites on the interweb.

Dick: future weatherman?

On Monday, Vice-President Dick Cheney came to Baghdad and talked about "the phenomenal improvement in security". That day more than 60 Iraqis were killed in bomb attacks.

News item: "America after the invasion of Iraq is no longer the superpower it was before."

Flying Soon?

Den better make sure your state ID or drivers license will be good enuff starting May 11...

When are we ever going to resolve this national ID issue? Why can't politicians ever fix anything? Properly?

And do we really expect the TSA staff to actually note which state your ID is from, then remember whether those are acceptable or not? Apparently security lines are moving way too fast, we need to slow them down to show vigilance, or something.

We are living in a golden age (cont)

News item: Under Bush, endangered species list dying off

With little- noticed procedural and policy moves over several years, Bush administration officials have made it substantially more difficult to designate domestic animals and plants for protection under the Endangered Species Act.

As a result, listings plummeted. Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne has not declared a single native species as threatened or endangered since he was appointed nearly two years ago.

Some species have vanished. The Lake Sammamish kokanee, a landlocked sockeye salmon, went extinct in 2001 after being denied an emergency listing, and genetically pure Columbia Basin pygmy rabbits disappeared last year after Interior declined to protect critical habitat for the species.

Not even animals are safe from the Wrath of W.

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

News item: Gap in life expectancy of rich, poor widens

New government research has found "large and growing" disparities in life expectancy for richer and poorer Americans, paralleling the growth of income inequality in the past two decades.

Another Milestone Reached

BAGHDAD - A roadside bomb killed four U.S. soldiers in Baghdad on Sunday, the military said, pushing the overall American death toll in the five-year war to at least 4,000. The grim milestone came on a day when at least 61 people were killed across the country....

Thanks Bush and Dick: YOU FUCKERS.