Fuck-Rod Wondering What Permutation Of His Name Will Be Used For Steroid Story

MIAMI—Alex "Fuck-Rod" Rodriguez, who has been given many unflattering nicknames by the press during the course of an eventful and turbulent career, found himself wondering what unflattering sobriquet he would be awarded for lying about his steroid use. "I really didn't like being called 'A-Fraud' by my teammates," Stupid-Goddamned-Son-of-a-Bitch-Rod told sources Wednesday. "That was hurtful, and reading it in Joe Torre's book was a real letdown." As of press time, Lying-Prick-Rod was unavailable for comment, as he was busy falsely accusing Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts of trying to break into the Coral Gables mansion in which Complete-and-Total-Sack-of-Flaming-Fucking-Shit-with-Tiny-Shriveled-Balls-Rod currently resides.
~

C H E A T

Fung has probably already gotten dis off the internets

The Daily Star, a British tabloid, is reporting that there is a sex tape featuring Alex Rodriguez and Madonna. It's hard to believe this is true: the cameraman is claiming that he obtained the tape through the use of a hidden camera in a friend's apartment, and he is apparently extorting asking Madonna for "a fortune" for the rights to the video. This would put him in a lot of trouble with the law and likely end up in jail time, and while it's hard to believe anyone is that foolish, we are talking about a guy who thinks there's demand for an A-Rod/Madonna sex tape.
~

I'm no lawyer, but does this really have legal standing?

Divorce papers allege A-Rod is adulterer, can't hit in the clutch

Also, Madonna?? Dude, she's old enough to be your mother and she's slept with half the men and women on the planet. Slept with Decker twice i heard...

If pAy-Rod is gonna make $27.5 mEEEEEEllion a year and still needs incentives: he's gutless.

Alex Rodriguez is expected to be guaranteed $275 million under terms of his 10-year deal with the Yankees. Among the incentives that could push the deal over $300 million will be bonuses for passing Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds on the all-time home run list. A-Rod is currently at 518 homers, leaving him 244 behind Bonds.

Hmmm, no incentives for not choking in the playoffs, or, like, winning the World Series? One would think that's the sort of incentive Choke-Rod needs. And didn't Hank Steinbrenner say that the Yankees were out of the A-Rod sweepstakes after he opted out of his last contract? That he was done in New York? Sounds like Hank is a chip-off-the-ol'-block (aka full@s#i+).

A-Rod: The SUCKING never stops

Two on and one out in the 1st and he WHIFFS against Paul Byrd. PAUL BYRD!

Meanwhile, Whiplash Wang couldn't get out of the 2nd inning. Add this one to the long list of pitchers blowing up on 3 days rest in the playoffs (see: Bobby Cox just about any year). Moose droppings is in...

Maybe they want to get Torre fired?

Update: A-Rod whiffs leading off the 3rd...

A-Rod SUCKING Update

0-4, 3 K's. Yanks Lose.

STILL SUCKING.

(with the Cubs next year?)

A-Rod SUCKS

"Mr. April Through September" does nothing at the plate or on the mound as the Yankees get destroyed by the Clevelands, 12-3.