Saturday, July 28, 2007

Philadelphia 8, Pittsburgh 1

John Lannan: go phokk yourself. And watch your back. An untimely accident? YES!

Friday, July 27, 2007

These whiners don't deserve to be free...

Iraqis Blame Surge in Cancer on US Depleted Uranium

Did Ozzie LIE???

Phillies acquired second baseman Tadahito Iguchi from the White Sox for RHP Michael Dubee.

neither did Lou

Cubs optioned catcher-first baseman Jake Fox to Triple-A Iowa.
We're still not sure why he was called up in the first place. Fox had all of two at-bats in eight days with the Cubs.

so far...zzzzzeeeeeero votes

but are they the *last* throes?

News item: "Iraq is in the throes of its worst political crisis since the fall of Saddam Hussein with the new democratic system, based on national consensus among its ethnic and sectarian groups, appearing dangerously close to collapsing..."

And if you have less than two throes but more than none, is it a throe? And would you then be down to your very last throe?

Crab Queens Strike Gold......Again

Johnny Cueto-S- Reds Jul. 27 - 3:39 pm et

Johnny Cueto pitched two-hit ball over six scoreless innings Thursday for Double-A Chattanooga.

Cueto struck out seven while improving to 4-1 with a 2.23 ERA in six Double-A starts. We still worry some about his arm, but he's firmly established as one of the game's top pitching prospects now.

Future K-Madder? (con't)

Jair Jurrjens-S- Tigers Jul. 27 - 3:49 pm et

Double-A Erie's Jair Jurrjens struck out 10 in seven innings Thursday against Harrisburg.

He allowed one run on four hits. Jurrjens has been mentioned in connection with the Nationals recently, and it was Washington's farm club that he was facing last night, probably giving the Nationals an even better impression of him. The Tigers would likely be asked to part with him in a deal for Chad Cordero or Jon Rauch.

do i hear K-Mad playing "Taps"?

Indians designated infielder Hector Luna for assignment.
This makes room for Kenny Lofton on the 40-man roster. Luna, expected to make the Indians as a reserve, showed up overweight and continued to disappoint in Triple-A, hitting .251/.297/.362. We still think he's worthy of a 40-man roster spot, and it'd be a surprise if some team didn't agree and claim him off waivers. Perhaps the Cardinals will want him back.

Are bullpen auditions next?

Cub fans audition for 7th inning stretch

oh, the irony

On da front of the Tribune there is this story:

Mercury part of BP lake waste
The BP refinery in Indiana will be allowed to pour the toxic metal into Lake Michigan for at least five more years.

Underneath that is this ad: "BP is committed. To learn more about BPs environmental safety standards, click here." And this, in fact, does NOT lead to a page that reads, "Go Phokk Yourselves," but to a page that tells you how they're not polluting Lake Michigan... Ok, ok, i know, that is their way of saying, "Go Phokk Yourselves."

Smiff, still auto-free and lovin' it...

for those unemployed, overemployed and underemployed

Go phokk yerselves:

"But if you've been laid off work, you're 100 percent unemployed, and I worry about it."--The Stupid Dumbass in the White House; Green Bay; 9/3/03

what is America searching?

Today's Top Searches
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Bad Breath
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger
4. Grilled Marinated Shrimp
5. Get Smart Movie
6. Elliott Yamin
7. Holly Valance
8. Charities
9. Unique Baby Names
10. Myrtle Beach Vacations

State of the Nation

Boys, other readers,

I have been in the Heartland of this country for the last week or so, and I have had occasion to notice many things happening in our fine country. I want to talk about some concerns I have about your tone on this blog.

First things first: there does not seem to be any sense that we live in the finest country in the world. There are articles about unwinnable wars, veterans being charged for hurting their equipment during war, corporations acting like anti-democratic regimes hell-bent on the destruction of soul in the blind pursuit of abstract dollar amounts and the fallacy of any kind of first amendment rights while apparent jackals run the government and monkeys campaign to lead it. In the midst of all this there are also articles about squirrelly Elvis impersonators, a birthday (a new year welcomed in smut no less), some baseball (but in such a cynical way! Apple pie my friends, is the taste we have for baseball), more baseball (again, quite cynical) and threats of calls to immigration made against Evanston-born citizens.

What about Great America?

Not the enjoyable amusement park just north of Chicago along I-94, peddling its wares to those speeding automobiles heading home after a long day in the office some 30 miles southeast. I'm talking about the good things happening in America. The fact that so many of our fellow citizens are able to find multiple jobs. Just think of an American economy so strong that many people can find two, three and in some cases, four (!) jobs!

I'm talking about an America able to lead the entertainment industry around the globe so that other countries take their lead from our collective imagination. An industry that has been so powerful as to teach our journalists even, how to do their jobs! Americans spend hundreds of millions of dollars on fine films like Norbert, Fantastic Four 2, and Spiderman 3, and it's a good thing too! There's a lot of stuff happening to other people that we need to take our minds off of. What minds! We have such an interesting and exciting educational system that is mathematically proving to make better and better students!

Let's not even talk about television! And the great foresight of our music industry!

We need more of the good news stories that otherwise might disappear off the peripheries of our consciousness. Like that story about the cat that predicts death and how he got an award. That was nice.

Here's a start. This is an article entitled, "At Last! Good News from Iraq", it's all about how troops are not dying in Iraq so often as they did in other wars from things like car crashes or disease, like dysentery. Like I know you will, when you read it, I feel a lump of happiness in my throat, a great rejoicing that our troops are so much better protected by God than those Islamic Fascists, or whatever they're called this week, who always seem to blow up in their cars or near the cars, as well, a lot of them seem to die from diseases and causes that we don't have to worry about so much over here because of our amazing access to health care.

Please try to find more of these happy stories. You can try the New York Post, it's run by an Australian, and Australians are kind of like Americans on steroids.

It's like that FOX guy said about anti-war activists when we took Baghdad back for freedom a few years back (and quoted in something Mr. McClure linked, or maybe it was Mr. Smiffy,) about anti-war protesters, "You were sickening then, you are sickening now." The reason he said they were sickening was not because he felt they shouldn't be allowed to say what they want, as long as they have a permit and nobody else is offended and they're not on private or public property and they have police protection so that if somebody doesn't like what they are saying they won't cause those other people to react violently and get in trouble, he said they were sickening because they make people worry about what's right and wrong when they can't control anything anyway. This is a democracy, not some free-for-all. People like him know the best way to have a democracy is to have everybody agree and support policy that protects our freedom and our way of life, which is freedom! It's like they say, if you don't support our president and his president, the vice president ("vice" is like the German uber but without any umlauts), you don't support our troops. I am telling you, there will be blowback against the way you think now. When people realize that people who start arguments are doing it because they want everybody to lose, they (the good people of our democracy) will not be happy.

I fear this is true. It will only take one crack of the whip, and they know that. And they are probably banking on it. They always end up being They.

best wishes,

fellow blog contributor,

and etc....

Thursday, July 26, 2007

she also sounds like a tarrist...Haddad?

A Massachusetts jury awarded Cynthia Haddad $2 million for sex
discrimination and retaliation. Haddad, a Wal-Mart pharmacist since
1993, argued she was fired for complaining that she was paid less than
male managers. Wal-Mart argued that Haddad was fired for violating
company policy by leaving a technician in the pharmacy without


News headline: FBI chief contradicts Gonzales

"Supporting the Troops"

There they go again: showing udder contempt for the soldiers. Well, they have to pay for the war somehow. I'm sure this is one of Cheney's: he stays up in his crypt all night thinking of new ways to kill, maim, and totally shit all over the military. Total moral bankruptcy...

Army's 'Debt Of Service' Leaves Vets Perplexed
Unbelievably, Soldiers Must Pay For Damaged Equipment

Former Army Specialist Rodriguez started getting bills for $700 for lost or damaged government property this summer. Although he was discharged some four years ago, bills recently arrived demanding payment, but giving no details on what or why -- nor do they offer a way to dispute the charges.

"...this is all part of the military’s push to be run more like a business."


For so many reasons...

Chase Utley suffered a broken hand when he was hit by a John Lannan pitch on Thursday and is expected to miss 4-6 weeks.

John Lannan? HATE.

here's a shocker...

The Phillies' bullpen totally SUCKED today, inc. another wretched appearance by Joe Table. But hey, he's a veteran so you just have to keep trotting him out there...forever. Uncle Cholly's hands are really tied on this one: he's a VETERAN reliever for chrissakes! Give the man a break. There are just NO other options available anywhere on earth...

Also, Wes Helms (2 errors today) has less range than a statue entombed in a crypt, tied to an enormous anchor and sunk to the deepest part of the oceans. He also throws like a girl with no arms. Anudder great Pat Gillick signing...hey, he was a veteran so his hands were tied on dat one, too...

quick quiz

Who is Ehren Wassermann?

Maybe they should check EBay

Full swimming pool stolen, not a drop spilled

anudder Iraqi success story

"But Iraq has--have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future."--Da RezzziDUNCE; Washington, D.C.; 4/28/05

has he visited the White Sox clubhouse?

Oscar the cat predicts patients' deaths

Friendster informs me - it's Decker's Birthday!

We are living in Russia (cont'd)

Anybody here read anything unapproved lately? Smiff?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

You're a funny man, Mr. Mtewa

So funny i have alerted the INS - expect them to come knocking and look into your paper work. Have fun with the cavity search...

I Blame Smiff

And Sarge...

Fat? Your friends may be to blame

Smiff? Or Elvis?

I didn't realise guys could have cameltoe too...

Unfortunate Newspaper Headlines

Sounds Painful...

Dumbya breaking records

Disfavor for Bush Hits Rare Heights

"A lot of the commentary that comes out of the Internet world is very harsh," said Frank J. Donatelli, White House political director for Ronald Reagan.

You sure got that right, asshole.

dumbest scoring rule in sports?

Sort of related to Fung's dumbest sayings... Today in the Oakland/LAAoA,CA game, K-Rod came into a 6-3 game and blew the save, giving up 3 runs. In the bottom of the inning, the Angels scored and won 7-6. And who gets "the win"? Rodriguez. How is this rule still on the books? Just give the win to Lackey, who was in line for it before K-Rod came in and blew it for him. Or give it to one of the other relievers who didn't totally suck. Of course, pitcher wins are often luck-based, and in many cases don't reflect if you pitched well or not (see Adam Eaton). But getting a win in this situation is just plain idiotic. It's even dumber than the save rule.

catch-up: more idiotic things Da RezzziDUNCE once actually said

"The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned firsthand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas."--To a Slovakian journalist; 6/22/99 [Bush's meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.]

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves."--Washington, D.C.; 9/21/03

"[I]t's a myth to think I don't know what's going on. It's a myth to think I'm not aware that there's opinions that don't agree with mine, because I'm fully aware of that."--Philadelphia; 12/12/05

with $$$ in their eyes, plutocrats will fall for anything

Bill Moyers Journal: The Yes Men Video Diary

think: Gavin Floyd-style DESTRUCTION

Washington will hand the ball to Matt Chico (4-6, 4.65), who will make his first career start versus the Phillies.

K-Madder Draft Alert

Yefri Carvajal homered Tuesday in his debut for SS Single-A Eugene.
The 18-year-old Carvajal, who took a $350,000 bonus to sign out of the Dominican Republic in 2005, was hitting .340/.404/.500 with five steals in five tries in 25 games for the Rookie AZL Padres. He is looked at as having one of the highest ceilings in the system.

in related news...

Vendor Arrested for “Impeach Him” Buttons

Now i know why we spent a GAZILLIONBEEEEEELLION dollars in the Cold we could one day elect a fascist dictator of our own and become Russia.

Is dis blog next?

Cheney Criticizer Arrested for “Assault”

My money is on dem getting K-Mad first...

"You damn keeds - get off my property!"

The Chicago Sun-Times reports the New York Mets, San Diego Padres, Los Angeles Dodgers and Seattle Mariners all are interested in trading for Jermaine Dye. Jose Contraras is also a White Sox player being mentioned in trade talks, but manager Ozzie Guillen doesn't think either player will be moved. ''I keep saying we are not going to go with kids,'' Guillen said. ''We are not. We are going to try to compete. I keep saying that. The people believe us, fine. If we don't, we can't do nothing about it."

Earth to Ozzie: you're 14.5 games out of 1st place, and 13 games behind in the Wildcard. You're fighting the Royals--the new pesky, pirahnas--to stay out of last place. You're cooked. You're done. It's time to stick a fork in you. Also, take a look at a stat sheet: Dye is hitting .229/.289/.443 and Contreras is 5-12 with a 5.76 ERA. Your team SUCKS. Your veteran bullpen blows. 2005 is a distant memory. And it's hard to believe "the kids" can play much worse than your current .450 squad.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Rudy Responds "Nine-Eleven" Take 2

(CNN) – Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani charged his Democratic counterparts of being soft on terrorism in last night’s debate.
“I am becoming increasingly concerned that the Democrats don’t mention the term ‘Islamic terrorism’ during their debates,” he told reporters at a campaign stop today in Riverside, California. “I almost get the sense that they are debating as if there isn’t an Islamic terrorist threat to this country.”
Giuliani was speaking at a fundraiser in San Fransisco last night and didn’t get a chance to watch the debate, but was able to review transcripts this morning.
Giuliani, who served as New York’s mayor during the September 11th attacks, has made leadership on terrorism a primary theme of his presidential campaign.
– CNN’s Mark Norman

Fox "News" has had enough...

...switches Specter's party for him...

BOOM! goes the dynamite (cont'd)

White Sox recalled RHP Gavin Floyd from Triple-A Charlotte.
Floyd is getting the start in the second game of Tuesday's doubleheader.

He will give up:
1) 4-5 runs
2) 6-10 runs
3) 10+ runs
4) numbers don't go that high

Still fiery, dammit!

MLB suspended Michael Barrett one game and fined him for his actions during Sunday's game against the Phillies.

Rudy responds: "Nine eleven."

Rudy Giuliani Has Close Ties With Catholic Priest Accused Of Molesting Children

you can't make this stuff up...

Cheney: I Told Leahy To ‘F*ck Himself’ Because He Was ‘Close To Kissing Me’

This might also explain shooting that guy in the face...

the answer is SHOCKING

Why your Internet connection is too slow

In 2001, after the explosive growth of the Internet and online businesses in the 1990s, the United States had taken the lead online. In terms of percentage of the population with high-speed access, countries like Japan and Germany had half the penetration we did. France had less than a quarter. Now, all three of those countries have passed us. We’re falling behind in providing high-speed access to the Internet, and just as importantly, our high-speed connections are much slower and more expensive than other countries...

that's easy: anyone breathing with at least one arm

"If you don't want [Kyle] Farnsworth in the eighth, who do you want?"--Joe Torre

I would also go with a deceased Hoyt Wilhelm.


"I understand a lot of situations. I've got it. I'm not dumb. We just talked about some situations. [In a] one-run game, I've got it. Sometimes, though, in the seventh inning, there's a lot of game left."--Adam Dunn, on whether or not he is dumb.

next stop for Buddy: the Bush White House?

"We're getting better. In this division, we're going to have to get a lot better, but we're heading in the right direction."--Royals manager Buddy Bell

This is so Bush

Looks like his "library" has found the perfect home (but will there be enough crayons?).

For its part, SMU says that its plans should remain secret even if no other universities are in the running.

How about we build it a mile underground, and it never opens?

Decker, Carroll: This World, Then the Fireworks

07-25 Chat with Will Carroll 1:00 PM ET


Britney Spears Preggers?

The father is unknown...could that rumoured rendezvous with Decker in Las Vegas be true?

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

Miller Chill includes lime, salt in bottle

"Miller Brewing wants to make your life easier. Aiming at the Hispanic market, Miller is introducing a beer already flavored with lime and salt."

Next up from Miller: they make actual beer with actual hops.

has K-Mad been moonlighting?

The Caffeinated Librarian

"I'm a librarian. I drink coffee. Yup, that about sums it up." That sounds like him. And though this person claims to be a 33 year old woman, he's not fooling me. Lots of Harry Potter talk here - man, you don't see that just anywhere...

Ozzie just can't catch a break: more storms ahead

Darin Erstad (entire body) has reportedly suffered a setback while on a minor league rehab assignment at Triple-A. The White Sox were hoping to have Erstad back along with Scott Podsednik Tuesday, but he's not ready to return. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, "his immediate future is once again cloudy." While Tom Skilling at the Chicago Tribune predicts hurricanes, tornadoes, hail, snow, drought, then monsoons, locusts and frogs.


Armando Benitez stayed in his hotel room on Monday to avoid infecting his teammates.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Smiff's Pet

Seagull becomes crisp shoplifter

write your own punch lines

Cubs draw bidders, deal could top $1 bln: source

(Reuters) — The Chicago Cubs franchise, being sold by media group Tribune Co., has attracted credible interest from about 15 parties, and a deal for the baseball team and other assets is expected to top ONE BEEEEELLLLLLLION DOLLARS, according to a source familiar with the situation.

First-round bids are likely due after the Sept. 3 U.S. Labor Day holiday, with a winner expected to be picked in October. A deal is expected to close by the end of the year. The winner must be approved by Major League Baseball.
To receive the confidential information about the Cubs needed to make an offer, a prospective bidder must fill out an application form that is evaluated by the sellers and submitted to Major League Baseball for approval.
Tribune, which is being taken private in an 8.2 BEEELLLION DOLLAR deal led by real estate magnate Sam Zell, declined comment.

annudder Smiff blog?

"I do not 'support the troops'"

Notice how dis dude talks all faggy an' s#i+...

King Bush

Just What the Founders Feared: An Imperial President Goes to War

I love the last line of the paragraph:

The nation is heading toward a constitutional showdown over the Iraq war. Congress is moving closer to passing a bill to limit or end the war, but President Bush insists Congress doesn’t have the power to do it. “I don’t think Congress ought to be running the war,” he said at a recent press conference. “I think they ought to be funding the troops.” He added magnanimously: “I’m certainly interested in their opinion.”

More Sports Sayings

Since the old one fell off the main board due to Smiff's weekend exploits:

Walk off home run.

Huh? This statement starts with “walk” and ends with “run.” Make up your mind. Either it’s a run off home run or a home walk.

Calling a long pass in football a “home run ball.”
Sorry. Can’t mix your sports metaphors. By that logic, a two yard swing pass is a bunt.

Then there's the old Marv Albert special - "serves us a facial." That's just plain dirty - no way that should be on network TV. But of course, it's a man talking about sex and not a woman showing a boobie.

did K-Mad ever own him?

Mike Coolbaugh was killed, at the age of 35, when he was hit by a linedrive while serving as a 1B coach in a minor league game.

not on dis phokking blog

Except the last one...

News Item: The Oxford University Press wants you to know that the 15 words used most often in blogs are:
"blogger," "blog," "stupid," "me," "myself," "my," "oh," "yeah," "OK," "post," "stuff," "lovely," "update," "nice" and "$#!+."

[insert your own joke here]

Rush to a conclusion
News Item: "A man with an unusually tiny brain managed to live an entirely normal life despite his condition, caused by a fluid buildup in his skull. . . ."
Or as the man told doctors: "Mega dittos!"

so he would know who to pardon to cover up their crimes

"[W]e've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the exucutive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them, and I want to know who the leakers are."--Chicago; 9/30/03

see - Dumbya has compassion...for insurance companies

News Item: "President Bush rejected entreaties by his Republican allies that he compromise with Democrats on legislation to renew a popular program that provides health coverage to poor children, saying that expanding the program would enlarge the role of the federal government at the expense of private insurance."
Isn't it time someone looked out for the private health insurance companies? And will someone please tell all those sick children to stop their incessant whining?

It sure would be nice if by the end of his 2nd term all of the poor children were dead, so that problem could be considered eliminated. While we're at it, all of their poor parents, too. That could be his lasting legacy (other than all the $#!+ blowing up in Iraq).

Who is tearing it up?

Chin-Lung Hu, MVP of the Futures Game, is batting .541 in nine games since being called up to Triple-A Las Vegas.
Hu is hitting a combined .351 with nine home runs and 46 runs batted in between Las Vegas and Double-A Jacksonville.

too bad he doesn't have hitting instincts

Cesar Izturis made his Pirates' debut when he start at shortstop on Sunday.
"He is a great defensive player," manager Jim Tracy said. "He has instincts and a sense of awareness that you can't teach."

Spammers deleted.

Go phokk yourselves. Next to the ring in hell with Michael Vick and the dogfighters are these spamming @ssholes. Can't Fung rig something up so that when they post here their computers explode? Work on dat.

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Was Decker in town and not tell me?

Ryan Howard about to hit a double

Padres beaten like a rented mule again; forfeit.

Philadelphia 9
San Diego 0

Sun, Jul 22 - Final

God Messes With Texas

News Item: Texas swamped by more storms
Storms dump more than a foot of rain on parts of Texas, stranding more than 170 passengers on an Amtrak train for hours and forcing rescue crews elsewhere to pull at least 50 people to safety. No serious injuries were reported in the state's latest round of flooding.

Go for it God - wipe them off the map!

Is dis da same gutless Jeff Brantley who TOTALLY SUCKED for the Phillies?

Funny stuff...

Todd Coffey (Smelt!) gave up four runs and five hits without retiring a batter Saturday against the Marlins.
Back to the minors? With Reds employee Jeff Brantley -- one of the most incompetent broadcasters in the business -- calling Coffey a choker and then later reiterating it, it might be time for a change of scenery for the 27-year-old reliever. Otherwise, the Reds need to stand up for Coffey and fire the blowhard. Of course, they should do that anyway. We'd take Bobcat Goldthwait and Gilbert Gottfried in the booth over Thom Brennaman and Brantley.

And Smiff would take Emo Phillips solo for nine innings... and Smiff HATES Emo Phillips.

Fightins win 12-4: cont. to CR@M it up H@TERS @SSES (see previous HATERS)

The greatest power hitter EVER? ...Smiff heart Ryan Howard...

Ryan Howard went 3-for-3 with his 26th and 27th homers, five RBI and two walks Saturday in the Phillies' 12-4 win over the Padres.
Howard is striking out more than Adam Dunn (SUCKS!) or anyone else in the majors, but he's on an absolute tear anyway, clubbing five homers in five games and eight so far this month. What's extremely impressive is that 18 of his homers have come on the road. He's batting just .222 with nine home runs at Citizens Bank Park. If he only played in a hitter's park like Petco...