The best way to reach Republican voters is to feign brain-deadness

Though in Trump's case it might not be an act.

"But the intensity of the birthers is likely to be a dynamic of the 2012 campaign. Trump and others flirting with running for president on the Republican ticket are making these references to Obama’s background in part because doing so appeals to conservative activists."
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Can you tell which news story is fake and which one actually appeared in the Onion?

Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."

The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.

"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."

Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.

"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."

"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"

Ammo Sales Spike Continues Months After Obama Elected

Bullet-makers are working around the clock, seven days a week, and still can't keep up with the nation's demand for ammunition.

Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they have never seen such shortages. Bullets, especially for handguns, have been scarce for months because gun enthusiasts are stocking up on ammo, in part because they fear President Barack Obama and the Democratic-controlled Congress will pass antigun legislation — even though nothing specific has been proposed and the president last month signed a law allowing people to carry loaded guns in national parks.

I have long been concerned about the First Amendment rights of public officials to say asinine things without being criticized by journalists

Thank goodness I'm not the only one.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
-- Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and 45th President of the United States

wouldn't it be easier to just blame k-mad?

Blago blames economy for his low popularity
(AP) — Gov. Rod Blagojevich is blaming his low approval rating on the nation's slumping economy.

The governor says his 13 percent job approval rating is unrelated to the federal corruption investigation that's been swirling around his administration.

Blagojevich contends that he'd easily win if he were running for governor in the upcoming election (if the Republican candidate was a squirrel... which wouldn't be as unlikely as it sounds... Ed...)...

stupid: the noun, or, crackers who don't care how flamboyantly America fails as long as they get to keep their guns

They're real patriotic down deres in Pennsylvania, though maybe not real crowded wif brainzzz (Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between, as Carville described it).

Even with little enthusiasm, Brandenburg — a Democrat — is sticking with his party. But plenty of his friends in southwestern Pennsylvania are very enthusiastic about Sarah Palin.

"There's a lot of them who are going to vote for her and McCain because of the hunting issue," he said.

So let's see... the national debt is $3279 for every man woman and child in America (if we all became $100-an-hour hookers we'd all have to work 33 hours straight in order to pay it off, in case you're trying to visualize it), we're getting our asses kicked in Iraq and Afghanistan now with Pakistan soon to follow, Iran and Norf Korea are waving their nukyalar weapons under our noses, the whole economy is going down the tubes, the dollar is losing value against Monopoly money, not to mention the accelerating extinction of all insects, plants, amphibians, and mammals on the planet, the possibility of an all-Chicago World Series, and all they're interested in is which candidate is more likely to embrace their God-given right to blow the brains out of God's little creatures (cuz they're, like, Christians an' s#i+)? Well, that explains... everything.

this is probably nothing to worry about

"Let me tell ya somethin' that's goin' on today in our world, particularly here in our Nation, that needs some shakin' up and some fixin'..."

-- Sarah Palin, 45th President of the United States, on the Yoooge Depression of 2009-2022

some (k-mad?) will try to point fingers

News item: Afghanistan Is in Its Worst Shape Since 2001, European Diplomat Says

Well, you know, we had to deal with those other guys who attacked us...

we also need to address the buggy whip shortage

Making America Stupid (there's a challenge... Ed.)
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN (HATES America)

Imagine for a minute that attending the Republican convention in St. Paul, sitting in a skybox overlooking the convention floor, were observers from Russia, Iran and Venezuela. And imagine for a minute what these observers would have been doing when Rudy Giuliani led the delegates in a chant of “drill, baby, drill!”

I’ll tell you what they would have been doing: the Russian, Iranian and Venezuelan observers would have been up out of their seats, exchanging high-fives and joining in the chant louder than anyone in the hall — “Yes! Yes! Drill, America, drill!” — because an America that is focused first and foremost on drilling for oil is an America more focused on feeding its oil habit than kicking it.

Why would Republicans, the party of business, want to focus our country on breathing life into a 19th-century technology — fossil fuels — rather than giving birth to a 21st-century technology — renewable energy? As I have argued before, it reminds me of someone who, on the eve of the I.T. revolution — on the eve of PCs and the Internet — is pounding the table for America to make more I.B.M. typewriters and carbon paper. “Typewriters, baby, typewriters.”
. . .

RNC on global warming: behold the stupidity

GRITtv features ANP Report: Global Warming Heats Up RNC

The American News Project reports on the Republican Party and what its delegates think about global warming. Judging by those interviewed at the Convention it's no wonder that Sarah Palin, a global warming doubter, is stealing the show. The 2008 Republican Platform cautions “against the doomsday climate change scenarios peddled by the aficionados of centralized command-and-control government.” Even though presidential candidate John McCain thinks that global warming is created, in part, by humans, his running mate, Sarah Palin, disagrees. And her record on the environment in general is dismal. The Independent reports that she, "has an environmental policy so toxic it would make the incumbent, George Bush, blush."

~

America-hating Britons hating America

Walter Reed Middle School

SITTING behind McCain, I didn't see the screen behind him, but apparently quite a few people were puzzling over the plush-looking building projected on the screen. Wonder no more: it was Walter Reed Middle School, presumably chosen by a confused RNC staffer who was looking for a picture of Walter Reed Medical Centre.

Just so long as they don't mistakenly try to take out Ireland's nuclear programme.

quote of the week

"Terrorist states are seeking new-clear weapons without delay..."
-- Sarah Palin's teleprompter

American logic (cont'd), or, poll results scientific (but sublimely idiotic)

Six in 10 of all voters surveyed say they approve of Sen. John McCain's selection of the Alaska governor as his running mate. And some voters, 25 percent, say the pick makes them more likely to vote for the McCain-Palin ticket in November.

Yet, only 42 percent think that Palin, a first-term governor and former mayor of Wasilla, think the running mate has what it takes to serve as president should something happen to an elected McCain.

she's folksy - I would like to sit up to my ass in seal blubber with seal blood smeared on my face eating raw seal with her

Don't know much about history

Sarah Palin regarding the Pledge of Allegiance, which was written in 1892, and why it should include the phrase "under God," which was added in 1955:

"If it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me."

just when you think you have explored every dark, hidden, bat-shit encrusted cove in their labyrinth of stupidity...

...you find a whole new unexplored cave of yawning moron you never knew about.

A large plurality of National Journal's Republican Political Insiders say they have more respect for John McCain's judgment because he tapped Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. Forty-six percent said they now respect McCain's judgment "much more" or "a little more"; 25 percent said they now respect it "much less" or "a little less"; and 29 percent said his VP choice didn't change their assessment....

More than 70 percent of right-of-center bloggers responding to the same question said the pick boosted their respect for McCain's judgment. One called the Palin pick "the most riveting thing in politics since 'Tear down this wall.'" ("I can't feed myself," he added... Ed.)

cuz we believe in, like, freedom an' s#i+...

It started innocently enough: Qatar-based al-Jazeera decided it would film the locals in Golden, the home of Coors beer, as they watched the convention from a biker bar Wednesday night. This would allow al-Jazeera's viewers to see Bill Clinton and Joe Biden through the eyes of those in a small American town that could pass as a set for a Hollywood Western.

City leaders at first offered to host a pork-free barbecue for the Jazeera crew, then abandoned that plan when angry residents protested. But the Buffalo Rose, a 150-year-old saloon here catering to bikers, offered to let al-Jazeera broadcast from its bar.

The result: a sort of 21st-century shootout at the O.K. Corral on Wednesday night under the shadow of Lookout Mountain, where Buffalo Bill is buried.

Word spread that three rival biker gangs -- the Sons of Silence, the Banditos and the Hell's Angels -- declared a truce for the night so they could meet at the Buffalo Rose in a united protest against al-Jazeera. But the network stood its ground and set up its cameras.

Across the street from the bar, two dozen protesters under the watchful eye of a statue of Adolph Coors waved American flags, blew air horns and revved motorcycle engines. "Al Jazeera is terrorism," announced one sign. "Go home, Al Jazeera -- Voices for al Qaeda and bin Laden," proclaimed another. The protesters had shirts printed up for the occasion, saying "Buffalo Rose/Tokyo Rose" in English and Arabic, although they botched the Arabic translation.

One biker covered his T-shirt in thoughtful, handwritten messages, such as "Islam Sucks" and "Al-Jazeera: Anti-American Pond Scum."
. . .

The regulars at Buffalo Rose took the Qatari invasion, and the demonstration, in stride. "Al-Jazeera? Is he here? Where is he?" inquired Travis Henry, sipping a Bud Light. (Of course he was... Ed.)
. . .

The leader of this would-be terrorist cell: al-Jazeera's Josh Rushing, a Texas-born Marine veteran who wears blue jeans and cowboy boots. "I guess you could call it a mild jihad for the truth," said Rushing, sipping a latte. (Of course he was... Ed.) Wearily, he added, "This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened."
. . .

City Manager Mike Bestor, before he rescinded his barbecue offer, called the al-Jazeera visit a way to "show Arab viewers what Americans are like." For better or worse, Golden seems to be doing just that...
~