Meet the next rising Republican star...
Meet John Fleming, the unfortunate Republican U.S. Representative from Louisiana who made that wonderful and all-too-common mistake of thinking that an Onion article was real and telling his Facebook followers to read it.
Showing posts with label brainzzz go bang-bye. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brainzzz go bang-bye. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Republicans and the thinking problem
Eight in 10 Republicans in a new Washington Post-ABC News poll say a default would cause serious harm to the economy, but just 30 percent say it’s essential to raise the limit in a contemporaneous Pew Research Center poll. And 47 percent of Republicans in a new NBC/WSJ poll say that not raising the debt limit would be a "real and serious problem."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Life in Oklahoma
Shariah at the Kumback Café
"There's just too much Muslim influence, all this Shariah law..."
Yes, that sounds like Oklahoma... sure... Muslims running everything... we hatesez that too...
I asked Frank Lawson, 83, about Obama. "I think the young man’s a Muslim," he said. (If dis blog had a nickel for every time... Ed.) ... "I got on the computer, punched in Koran, and there it is in black and white: They are out to rule the world and if you don’t convert, they kill you." (Was dat on dat Christian Google? Ed.)
~
"There's just too much Muslim influence, all this Shariah law..."
Yes, that sounds like Oklahoma... sure... Muslims running everything... we hatesez that too...
I asked Frank Lawson, 83, about Obama. "I think the young man’s a Muslim," he said. (If dis blog had a nickel for every time... Ed.) ... "I got on the computer, punched in Koran, and there it is in black and white: They are out to rule the world and if you don’t convert, they kill you." (Was dat on dat Christian Google? Ed.)
~
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
This is your brain on cheese
MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Prosecutors say a rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin's "Dancing with the Stars" routine, sparking an all-night standoff with a SWAT team.
According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.
He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.
He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.
According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.
He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.
He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.
Friday, May 29, 2009
G. Gordon Liddy: fecund... and an idiot... and ready to launch... and frying his brain on human growth hormone...
Gee, Gordon, in 2009: "I understand that they found out today that Miss Sotomayor is a member of La Raza, which means in illegal alien, 'the race.' And that should not surprise anyone because she’s already on record with a number of racist comments... Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then."
Gee, Gordon, in 2002: "I am often asked my secret for remaining virile, vigorous, potent and fecund. (Really? How often? Because this news surprises me... Ed.) The secret is that, in addition to not smoking or drinking alcohol, exercising and following a diet low in calories, fat and red meat and high in fish, I have for some time been taking a Human Growth Hormone Releasant specially formulated for me and heretofore not available to the public. Now, under the brand name Nature's Youth HGH, the exact formula I have been using is available to you. My secret is out. Nature's Youth HGH is how I stay 'Good to Go and Ready to Launch!'"
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Crazy Being Crazy
Carlos Zambrano was ejected from Wednesday's game against the Pirates in the seventh inning after bumping into umpire Mark Carlson.
Zambrano was upset about a play at the plate, and after being tossed, he made a big scene, indicating that he had ejected Carlson from the game, throwing a ball into left field, throwing his glove against the dugout screen and clubbing the dugout's Gatorade fountain with a bat. The Arlington Daily Herald anticipates that he'll be suspended for at least one start. He gave up two runs -- one earned -- in 6 1/3 innings before departing.
~
Zambrano was upset about a play at the plate, and after being tossed, he made a big scene, indicating that he had ejected Carlson from the game, throwing a ball into left field, throwing his glove against the dugout screen and clubbing the dugout's Gatorade fountain with a bat. The Arlington Daily Herald anticipates that he'll be suspended for at least one start. He gave up two runs -- one earned -- in 6 1/3 innings before departing.
~
Thursday, December 18, 2008
How to Suck at Democracy -- the PhD seminar
Today, just moments ago, the infamous Lizard People ballot came up for the Canvassing Board's review!
This ballot was initially counted as a Franken vote. The Coleman campaign challenged the ballot, claiming "Lizard People" was an identifying mark. The Board voted to uphold the challenge, arguing that they couldn't be certain that "Lizard People" wasn't a real person's name.
And in a separate post...
If Coleman wins 127 challenges and Franken wins 122, that would mean a net of 5 votes for Coleman. If the Franken campaign's estimate was correct that it was winning the re-count by 4 votes assuming that all challenges would be rejected, that would produce a Coleman win by a grand total of ... one vote!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Anudder heartwarming holiday tale...
Hey kids: BLAMMO!
Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings
Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.
Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.
“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
~
Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings
Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.
Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.
“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
~
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A Nation Unhinged
Election spurs 'hundreds' of race threats, crimes
Cross burnings. Schoolchildren chanting "Assassinate Obama." Black figures hung from nooses. Racial epithets scrawled on homes and cars. Incidents around the country referring to President-elect Barack Obama are dampening the postelection glow of racial progress and harmony, highlighting the stubborn racism that remains in America.
From California to Maine, police have documented a range of alleged crimes, from vandalism and vague threats to at least one physical attack. Insults and taunts have been delivered by adults, college students and second-graders. There have been "hundreds" of incidents since the election, many more than usual, said Mark Potok, director of the Intelligence Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center, which monitors hate crimes....
~
Cross burnings. Schoolchildren chanting "Assassinate Obama." Black figures hung from nooses. Racial epithets scrawled on homes and cars. Incidents around the country referring to President-elect Barack Obama are dampening the postelection glow of racial progress and harmony, highlighting the stubborn racism that remains in America.
From California to Maine, police have documented a range of alleged crimes, from vandalism and vague threats to at least one physical attack. Insults and taunts have been delivered by adults, college students and second-graders. There have been "hundreds" of incidents since the election, many more than usual, said Mark Potok, director of the Intelligence Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center, which monitors hate crimes....
~
Friday, October 31, 2008
I have long been concerned about the First Amendment rights of public officials to say asinine things without being criticized by journalists
Thank goodness I'm not the only one.
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
-- Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and 45th President of the United States
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
-- Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and 45th President of the United States
Ted Stevens's cranium: where brainzzz go to die
ETHICS -- TED STEVENS: 'I HAVE NOT BEEN CONVICTED OF ANYTHING': Last night, during a debate with Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich (D), Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) was asked what he would say to those requesting he step down "after your conviction Monday on seven felony counts." Stevens replied, "I have not been convicted of anything." In fact, a jury did indeed convict Stevens "on all seven counts of making false statements on his financial disclosure form regarding $250,000 in home renovations and other gifts he received from an oil contractor..."
Sunday, October 26, 2008
bud-for-brainzzz
World Series game 3 ends at 2:00am because MLB doesn't think it can out-draw the TV audience for Indiana-Northwestern...
Hey kids - go phokk yourselves!
Hey kids - go phokk yourselves!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
An open apology from Da Mare to LoC bitchers & whiners who complain about all that sucks in Chicago
Daley issues sarcastic apology for torture
Mayor Daley on Thursday issued a sarcastic blanket apology for the alleged torture of suspects by former Chicago Police Lt. Jon Burge. The best way is to say, 'Okay. I apologize to everybody [for] whatever happened to anybody in the city of Chicago.' So, I apologize to everybody. Whatever happened to them in the city of Chicago in the past, I apologize," Daley said.
~
Mayor Daley on Thursday issued a sarcastic blanket apology for the alleged torture of suspects by former Chicago Police Lt. Jon Burge. The best way is to say, 'Okay. I apologize to everybody [for] whatever happened to anybody in the city of Chicago.' So, I apologize to everybody. Whatever happened to them in the city of Chicago in the past, I apologize," Daley said.
~
Monday, September 22, 2008
they walk among us
News item: While 19% of the American public demonstrates a total lack of any cognitive function, they appear to go about their lives as usual.
Monday, September 15, 2008
in fairness, she ain't real bright...
"Fascist writer Westbrook Pegler, an avowed racist who Sarah Palin approvingly quoted in her acceptance speech for the moral superiority of small town values, expressed his fervent hope about my father, Robert F. Kennedy, as he contemplated his own run for the presidency in 1965, that 'some white patriot of the Southern tier will spatter his spoonful of brains in pubic premises before the snow flies.'
It might be worth asking Governor Palin for a tally of the other favorites from her reading list."
-- Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
It might be worth asking Governor Palin for a tally of the other favorites from her reading list."
-- Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
Monday, September 8, 2008
RNC on global warming: behold the stupidity
GRITtv features ANP Report: Global Warming Heats Up RNC
The American News Project reports on the Republican Party and what its delegates think about global warming. Judging by those interviewed at the Convention it's no wonder that Sarah Palin, a global warming doubter, is stealing the show. The 2008 Republican Platform cautions “against the doomsday climate change scenarios peddled by the aficionados of centralized command-and-control government.” Even though presidential candidate John McCain thinks that global warming is created, in part, by humans, his running mate, Sarah Palin, disagrees. And her record on the environment in general is dismal. The Independent reports that she, "has an environmental policy so toxic it would make the incumbent, George Bush, blush."
~
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
you go through life with the brain you have
I wonder how hard we'd have to pray to help her "overcome" brain-deadness...
Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. "She asked the library how she could go about banning books," he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. "The librarian was aghast." The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn't be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving "full support" to the mayor.
. . .
At the 11:15 am Sunday service, hundreds sit in folding chairs, sing along with alt-rock praise songs, and listen to a 20-minute sermon about the book of Malachi. The only sign of culture warring in the whole production is an insert in the day's program advertising an upcoming Focus on the Family conference on homosexuality in Anchorage called Love Won Out. The group promises to teach attendees how to "respond to misinformation in our culture" and help them "overcome" homosexuality.
Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. "She asked the library how she could go about banning books," he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. "The librarian was aghast." The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn't be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving "full support" to the mayor.
. . .
At the 11:15 am Sunday service, hundreds sit in folding chairs, sing along with alt-rock praise songs, and listen to a 20-minute sermon about the book of Malachi. The only sign of culture warring in the whole production is an insert in the day's program advertising an upcoming Focus on the Family conference on homosexuality in Anchorage called Love Won Out. The group promises to teach attendees how to "respond to misinformation in our culture" and help them "overcome" homosexuality.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
there is probably an interesting story behind that
McCain, however, appears to be less interested in speaking to the millions of Clinton voters who fall somewhere between the cracks, and more interested in engaging the handful of crazies who dislike Barack Obama for wholly irrational reasons. Take Will Bower, the founder of a group called PUMA ("Party Unity My Ass"). On Saturday, Bower met with John McCain. On Wednesday, Bower attended Larry Sinclair's press conference, saw Sinclair literally accuse Obama of murder, saw Sinclair's lawyer wearing a kilt, saw Sinclair flee the room after the press conference because he was moments away from being arrested, and came away saying that Sinclair's story was "worth exploring". That means that McCain is either one or two degrees removed from the lunatic fringe, depending on what you think of Bower's state of mind.
Monday, June 2, 2008
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
7:41 PM me: Notre Dame: AWFUL
7:42 PM Kevin: they SUCK
jay bruce: unhinged
me: ultimate morons
Fant!
7:43 PM Kevin:
Jay Bruce went 2-for-4 with a home run as the Reds lost to the Phillies on Monday night.
Bruce also scored on an Adam Dunn double. After his first week in the big leagues, Bruce (FANT!) is hitting .577 with three home runs, seven RBI and 12 runs. For comparison's sake, Corey Patterson (AWFUL!) was hitting .200 with four homers, 13 RBI and 21 runs in 45 games before getting demoted.
7:44 PM why didn't ND just go all theway and hire Cookie?
me: did i mention that he's a FANT?
Kevin: no
me: Cookie should have applied...what a dope
7:45 PM Ollie "HE SUCKS" Perez: AWFUL
7:46 PM 6 runs allowed in the 1st TO THE GIANTS and counting.......................
i blame YOU
Kevin: sweet lord
me: Brian "WHO?" Hurwitz homered
7:47 PM Kevin: THE WEEK AHEAD (Jun 1)
The Week Ahead takes a look at Oliver Perez's solid match-ups, which should have him dancing with excitement.
tag under "forecasts"
7:48 PM me: yeah, saw dat. idiots.
Kevin: chix need an OF. know which available OF has most RBIs?
me: he GUONE. 6 runs, 1 out
7:49 PM Whowitz?
Kevin: jason michaels, who is also "slugging" .319
7:50 PM 2nd is a tie: eric bruntlett, who is "slugging> .333 and darin erstad, who is "darin erstad"
me: looking like J-Mike
7:51 PM Kevin: KO bringin it to the radio fascists with blood on thier hands\
me: KO on the radio?
Kevin: no KO's worser dude was a radio fascist
7:52 PM unconscionalbe bladfaced lying from rupert murdoch
baldfaced
7:54 PM
The Miami Herald reports that Josh Willingham (SUCKS) "isn't sounding overly optimistic" about his return from the disabled list. Willingham has been out since late April and has yet to even take batting practice. He also stopped breathing five days ago. The newspaper speculates that he may eventually require surgery to repair a herniated disk and total brain death.
that dont sound so good
7:55 PM me: wouldn't want to be him
7:56 PM Kevin:
Ryan Doumit (SUCKS) caught a full bullpen session and hit off a tee Sunday.
"It felt great," Doumit said. "I feel like I am days away, really. I felt game-ready catching today. There was one pitch I felt that jammed it a little bit but the next pitch, the pain went away and Jesus came and the wheel in the sky turned within another whell and shit like that. So there is not staying power with the pain, and also the total absence of brain function, so that's good."
7:57 PM me: sounds bad
7:58 PM Kevin: kinda
7:59 PM harold ickes -- GARGANTUALLY fullashit with shit coming out of his nose
me: i'd like to see dat
Kevin: its on the tv
ohhhhhh... you missed it
8:00 PM me: she's got more votes based on our count, therefore, she wins
haven't watched KO yet
Kevin: she's won all the states with the vowels and the consonants
8:02 PM bill clinton: irredeemable gasbag
also: unhinged
don't forget: fullashit
8:03 PM me: are you watching the Asshole Channel?
Kevin: msnbc (wid da tarrists)
8:04 PM me: just heard it on ESPN: "Lipscomb eliminated"
Kevin: even gubnor nutsack phinks its over
eliminated from the lipscomb invitational?
8:05 PM me: some baseball sumpfing
8:06 PM Cubs losing to the Padres: can you say June Swoon?
Kevin: the padres are professional hitters
8:07 PM me: yes, AA is professional
8:08 PM Kevin: 6. Elijah Dukes – OF – WAS - If your fantasy team has become complacent, and you want to freak your players out by adding a wild card to the mix, Dukes is just the guy for you. With Austin Kearns on the disabled list, Dukes has a few weeks to prove that he deserves to be a regular in Washington's lineup. So far he's gone 5-for-19 with four runs scored and just one RBI, but Dukes has tremendous talent so it's worth gambling on him.
Recommendation: Worth a flier in shit-blowing-up-only leagues
8:09 PM me: he's also phokking INSANE
Kevin: in udder words a chicken
8:10 PM me: J-Mike hit a granny tonight
Kevin: duck and cover: pedro vs zito tomorrow night
me: end times
8:11 PM shirazez? i got a Jacob's Creek. old skool.
Kevin: phokking merlot
DELICIOUS
8:12 PM me: merlot SUCKS
ESPN reports: Has Ozzie gone too far?
8:13 PM Kevin: i'm saving the BOOM BOOM! washington state syrah for a special occasion, like obama locking it up or the world ending
ozzie could never go too far. the farther he goes, the closer he gets
8:14 PM me: hard to say which of these events will happen first
Hillary: "It ain't over till it's over."
Kevin: well we all remember rfk was assassinated in june
8:15 PM hint hint HIIIIIIIINT
8:16 PM me: Edmonds: RBI DOUBLE. Proven: VETERAN.
8:18 PM Big Z: RBI TRIPLE. Crazy: MAN.
Kevin: it would be delightful if the chix could pick edmonds up but he is shockingly not available
8:19 PM me: shocking
8:20 PM Kevin:
Manager Bruce Bochy said Saturday it might be a couple weeks before Merkin Valdez rejoins the Giants, as he'll need to make a few rehab appearances. Valdez is on the DL with SUCKS and is only one year removed from Tommy John surgery. Any soreness could mean a setback, as the Giants should play it safe with him. He also died yesterday.
8:21 PM me: RIP
8:23 PM John McCain: Phil Gramm: FUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIITTTTTTTTTTTT
Kevin: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
looking into phil gramm's eyes is like looking into the eyes of a chicken
8:24 PM hearing him talk is like hearing the gurgling of the primoridal oooze
me: well, he is a plutocrat and a lobbyist
8:25 PM Kevin: pretty good life for a man who was born with an empty cranium (except for the squirrel pellets)
me: yes
8:26 PM Kevin: gary bauer - gigantic moron
8:27 PM brains of a ferret... a really stupid one
me: Hillary: another lopsided win, ahead in the popular vote, slightly behind in delegates...
Kevin: she won all the states with the stuff that is good
she won the most votes -- do you believe in democracy or not?
8:28 PM me: guns, squirrels, racists...
Kevin: harold ickes, for one, is stunned, that we have the gall and the HOOOOTZPAH to subsitute their judgment for those of the voters
he also has shit dripping out of his ears
kinda gross
8:29 PM scott mclellan on hardball next
me: isn't he one of the @holes who set the system up?
Kevin: see also: shit blowing up (still) (thanks scott)
ikkies? yest
8:30 PM me: Travis Buck: .165 - now batting 5th for da Cherries (see: SUCKING)
Kevin: scott feels bad now. see also: shit blowing up for another 20 yrs or so followed by the world ending and shit. but its ok cuz he changed his mind
8:31 PM me: 20 more years of this CRAP?
Kevin: if yer lucky commie
trabbis SUCKDS
SUCKS
shirazez
brainzzz go bang-byew
bye
me: your pick, not mine
Kevin: thanks
8:32 PM i had forgotten
me: speaking of empty craniums...
Kevin: speaking of elbows going bang-bye
SHOCKING news on mark prior condition
8:33 PM me: yeah, i mean, he's still leading in the popular vote
Kevin: yes
he's had all the big arm injuries
8:34 PM scott: the rezzidunce is very moved on days like this
me: ALL of them
Kevin: yes
8:35 PM me: very moved...his bowels?
Kevin: out his ears
8:36 PM da rezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzidunce loves da peoples
he woont wanna blow em all up an shit
me: yes, he loves them to death
Kevin: yers
yues
yes
me: zzzzzzzzzzz
8:37 PM Kevin: possibly
me: up for LA: Danny Ardoin: French Phokk
Kevin: no question
8:38 PM i keep forgetting that we already accomplished our mission... good to get that reminder now and again
oh and we were greeted as libraaaaators
me: breaking news: Ollie Perez has been inhumanely destroyed in the clubouse
Kevin: clubbed like a baby seal?
8:39 PM me: too good for him
8:40 PM Kevin: scott: still a shitball. and i aint buying his book
see also: yooooge piles of dead people
he sees them
8:41 PM me: McBush III?
Kevin: i'm telling you right now godfuckingdammit... buffalo grove kollyforniya phokking merlot... write it down, commit it to memory AND PRINT IT
8:42 PM saddam is about to attack us (see also:mushroom cloud) and condi: slso fullashit
me: how many bottles have you had?
Kevin: he will hurl mushroom clouds from the grave
7
8:43 PM it's good for your heart and shit
saddam was a bad man
8:44 PM me: not a wine drinker, Saddam? he's kinda dead
Kevin: chix still dont have an outfielder
i've been sitting here two hours looking for one
sweet lord...
me: So?
Kevin: good point DICK
8:45 PM me: here to help
i mean...So...TagOOOOOOOCHEEEE
8:46 PM Kevin: thanks... it's all so clear now
i dont know which i like more, the 559 ops or the decapitating ceiling
8:47 PM me: Chris Snelling activated today...
Kevin: i should mention -- the ceiling would decapitate a midget
SCHNELLLLing?
me: si, senor
8:48 PM Kevin: Our View
Based on Snelling's history, the over/under on his return to the DL is 15 days.
sounds like a chixxxzzzz
replaces tj "rhymes with" bone
me: yesxz
8:49 PM Kevin: white house iraq group - WHIG - get used to it
will go down in history with other great war criminals
8:50 PM me: YAY!
Kevin: yes! we are blowing shit up! regardless of where the shit lands, how can that be bad?
8:51 PM cia hates scooter and dick dick dick dick dick... when will we capture and kill them?
dissent is communism
8:52 PM communism is bad btw...
:-)
8:53 PM his name is SCOOOTER for phokks sake? how can he be the bad guy? wake up america!
8:54 PM the flying nun has kids and takes a boner pill,,, now i know i'm losing it...
8:55 PM boniva? sounds degenerate
me: a nun with a boner?????
Kevin: and KIDS! god is angry my friends...
8:57 PM me: our best senator, Robert Byrd, in da hospital
Kevin: cant be good since he is 125 years old
8:58 PM alright alright ALRIGHT... da boom boom is delicious... but i still prefer the phokking merlot
8:59 PM i would hate to think we will never have senator byrd go up against ted stevens in another coot-off
me: opened boom boom? end of the world later tonight?
Kevin: so it would seem
dont say you wuzznt warned
9:00 PM heres a good name for a book by a republican: whu happen????
duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
9:01 PM me: vol 2: Shit Blowing Up
Kevin: vol.3 - we hatesez them (cont'd)
me: Rupert Murdoch: also a pirate
9:02 PM Kevin: vol.4 we are in shackles in a dark dank dungeon
vol.5 we love dick dick dick dick dick dick dick cheney!
me: this just in: Padres still SUCK
Kevin: veteran presence
6 minutes
9:09 PM me: DICK makes an incest joke about West Virginia? must be HIGH-LARRY-US
5 minutes
9:14 PM Kevin: herro?
9:15 PM bows of horry?
farararararararara?
shirazaez?
9:16 PM i can haz yet annudder cheezburger?
9:17 PM me: dude, how many times i gotta tell ya: Hillary has the most votes!
Kevin: mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Kevin: i phink so! i betcha da bitter white incest voters had en espatial affinity ta dis one
mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 11:10 PM on Monday
my phokking ASS
war kittens?
me: not offline - someone is FULLASHIT
9:18 PM Kevin: i like television. it amuses me
see also: da brain deadness
and: chix suck
9:19 PM me: tv: internets: wine: brain deadness: chix sucking: you are set
Kevin: phanks... everyding is right wif da whirld
9:20 PM in dat case i can go to sleep now and have yet anuudder cheezburger
me: Bill Clinton called a reporter sleezy and dishonest
see: pot: kettle
Kevin: yes and he should know... he sets the standard
see: tea receptacle
9:21 PM and the kicker is: we're all dead (soon)
me: YAY
Kevin: i phink so
me: we won't have to go to fucking ALA
9:22 PM Kevin: dat wud be totally kickass
YAY
i will sleep well knowing that we are all dead before ALA
me: we can still dream, right?
9:23 PM Kevin: dat wud take da heat off da chix finding an outfielder too
our dreams are our most precious resources (not)
me: will Harold Ickes be dead, too?
9:24 PM Kevin: i guarantee it
me: YAY
Kevin: ickys? iew...
9:25 PM me: Edmonds: anudder rbi double, cont. to stuff it up the Padres' ASS
Kevin: in da afterlife, everyone will be totally phokking sorry goddamit'
9:26 PM phokk dem
okarie-dokarie... i am off to dream of bors of horry...
9:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me: fararararazzz
Kevin: yes
[Dick's "joke": "There are Cheneys on both sides of the family, and we don't even live in West Virginia. (...laughs at self...) You can say those things when you're not running for re-election. (...laughs again...)
Nope, the Cheneys are from Wyoming - where they fuck cows.]
7:42 PM Kevin: they SUCK
jay bruce: unhinged
me: ultimate morons
Fant!
7:43 PM Kevin:
Jay Bruce went 2-for-4 with a home run as the Reds lost to the Phillies on Monday night.
Bruce also scored on an Adam Dunn double. After his first week in the big leagues, Bruce (FANT!) is hitting .577 with three home runs, seven RBI and 12 runs. For comparison's sake, Corey Patterson (AWFUL!) was hitting .200 with four homers, 13 RBI and 21 runs in 45 games before getting demoted.
7:44 PM why didn't ND just go all theway and hire Cookie?
me: did i mention that he's a FANT?
Kevin: no
me: Cookie should have applied...what a dope
7:45 PM Ollie "HE SUCKS" Perez: AWFUL
7:46 PM 6 runs allowed in the 1st TO THE GIANTS and counting.......................
i blame YOU
Kevin: sweet lord
me: Brian "WHO?" Hurwitz homered
7:47 PM Kevin: THE WEEK AHEAD (Jun 1)
The Week Ahead takes a look at Oliver Perez's solid match-ups, which should have him dancing with excitement.
tag under "forecasts"
7:48 PM me: yeah, saw dat. idiots.
Kevin: chix need an OF. know which available OF has most RBIs?
me: he GUONE. 6 runs, 1 out
7:49 PM Whowitz?
Kevin: jason michaels, who is also "slugging" .319
7:50 PM 2nd is a tie: eric bruntlett, who is "slugging> .333 and darin erstad, who is "darin erstad"
me: looking like J-Mike
7:51 PM Kevin: KO bringin it to the radio fascists with blood on thier hands\
me: KO on the radio?
Kevin: no KO's worser dude was a radio fascist
7:52 PM unconscionalbe bladfaced lying from rupert murdoch
baldfaced
7:54 PM
The Miami Herald reports that Josh Willingham (SUCKS) "isn't sounding overly optimistic" about his return from the disabled list. Willingham has been out since late April and has yet to even take batting practice. He also stopped breathing five days ago. The newspaper speculates that he may eventually require surgery to repair a herniated disk and total brain death.
that dont sound so good
7:55 PM me: wouldn't want to be him
7:56 PM Kevin:
Ryan Doumit (SUCKS) caught a full bullpen session and hit off a tee Sunday.
"It felt great," Doumit said. "I feel like I am days away, really. I felt game-ready catching today. There was one pitch I felt that jammed it a little bit but the next pitch, the pain went away and Jesus came and the wheel in the sky turned within another whell and shit like that. So there is not staying power with the pain, and also the total absence of brain function, so that's good."
7:57 PM me: sounds bad
7:58 PM Kevin: kinda
7:59 PM harold ickes -- GARGANTUALLY fullashit with shit coming out of his nose
me: i'd like to see dat
Kevin: its on the tv
ohhhhhh... you missed it
8:00 PM me: she's got more votes based on our count, therefore, she wins
haven't watched KO yet
Kevin: she's won all the states with the vowels and the consonants
8:02 PM bill clinton: irredeemable gasbag
also: unhinged
don't forget: fullashit
8:03 PM me: are you watching the Asshole Channel?
Kevin: msnbc (wid da tarrists)
8:04 PM me: just heard it on ESPN: "Lipscomb eliminated"
Kevin: even gubnor nutsack phinks its over
eliminated from the lipscomb invitational?
8:05 PM me: some baseball sumpfing
8:06 PM Cubs losing to the Padres: can you say June Swoon?
Kevin: the padres are professional hitters
8:07 PM me: yes, AA is professional
8:08 PM Kevin: 6. Elijah Dukes – OF – WAS - If your fantasy team has become complacent, and you want to freak your players out by adding a wild card to the mix, Dukes is just the guy for you. With Austin Kearns on the disabled list, Dukes has a few weeks to prove that he deserves to be a regular in Washington's lineup. So far he's gone 5-for-19 with four runs scored and just one RBI, but Dukes has tremendous talent so it's worth gambling on him.
Recommendation: Worth a flier in shit-blowing-up-only leagues
8:09 PM me: he's also phokking INSANE
Kevin: in udder words a chicken
8:10 PM me: J-Mike hit a granny tonight
Kevin: duck and cover: pedro vs zito tomorrow night
me: end times
8:11 PM shirazez? i got a Jacob's Creek. old skool.
Kevin: phokking merlot
DELICIOUS
8:12 PM me: merlot SUCKS
ESPN reports: Has Ozzie gone too far?
8:13 PM Kevin: i'm saving the BOOM BOOM! washington state syrah for a special occasion, like obama locking it up or the world ending
ozzie could never go too far. the farther he goes, the closer he gets
8:14 PM me: hard to say which of these events will happen first
Hillary: "It ain't over till it's over."
Kevin: well we all remember rfk was assassinated in june
8:15 PM hint hint HIIIIIIIINT
8:16 PM me: Edmonds: RBI DOUBLE. Proven: VETERAN.
8:18 PM Big Z: RBI TRIPLE. Crazy: MAN.
Kevin: it would be delightful if the chix could pick edmonds up but he is shockingly not available
8:19 PM me: shocking
8:20 PM Kevin:
Manager Bruce Bochy said Saturday it might be a couple weeks before Merkin Valdez rejoins the Giants, as he'll need to make a few rehab appearances. Valdez is on the DL with SUCKS and is only one year removed from Tommy John surgery. Any soreness could mean a setback, as the Giants should play it safe with him. He also died yesterday.
8:21 PM me: RIP
8:23 PM John McCain: Phil Gramm: FUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIITTTTTTTTTTTT
Kevin: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
looking into phil gramm's eyes is like looking into the eyes of a chicken
8:24 PM hearing him talk is like hearing the gurgling of the primoridal oooze
me: well, he is a plutocrat and a lobbyist
8:25 PM Kevin: pretty good life for a man who was born with an empty cranium (except for the squirrel pellets)
me: yes
8:26 PM Kevin: gary bauer - gigantic moron
8:27 PM brains of a ferret... a really stupid one
me: Hillary: another lopsided win, ahead in the popular vote, slightly behind in delegates...
Kevin: she won all the states with the stuff that is good
she won the most votes -- do you believe in democracy or not?
8:28 PM me: guns, squirrels, racists...
Kevin: harold ickes, for one, is stunned, that we have the gall and the HOOOOTZPAH to subsitute their judgment for those of the voters
he also has shit dripping out of his ears
kinda gross
8:29 PM scott mclellan on hardball next
me: isn't he one of the @holes who set the system up?
Kevin: see also: shit blowing up (still) (thanks scott)
ikkies? yest
8:30 PM me: Travis Buck: .165 - now batting 5th for da Cherries (see: SUCKING)
Kevin: scott feels bad now. see also: shit blowing up for another 20 yrs or so followed by the world ending and shit. but its ok cuz he changed his mind
8:31 PM me: 20 more years of this CRAP?
Kevin: if yer lucky commie
trabbis SUCKDS
SUCKS
shirazez
brainzzz go bang-byew
bye
me: your pick, not mine
Kevin: thanks
8:32 PM i had forgotten
me: speaking of empty craniums...
Kevin: speaking of elbows going bang-bye
SHOCKING news on mark prior condition
8:33 PM me: yeah, i mean, he's still leading in the popular vote
Kevin: yes
he's had all the big arm injuries
8:34 PM scott: the rezzidunce is very moved on days like this
me: ALL of them
Kevin: yes
8:35 PM me: very moved...his bowels?
Kevin: out his ears
8:36 PM da rezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzidunce loves da peoples
he woont wanna blow em all up an shit
me: yes, he loves them to death
Kevin: yers
yues
yes
me: zzzzzzzzzzz
8:37 PM Kevin: possibly
me: up for LA: Danny Ardoin: French Phokk
Kevin: no question
8:38 PM i keep forgetting that we already accomplished our mission... good to get that reminder now and again
oh and we were greeted as libraaaaators
me: breaking news: Ollie Perez has been inhumanely destroyed in the clubouse
Kevin: clubbed like a baby seal?
8:39 PM me: too good for him
8:40 PM Kevin: scott: still a shitball. and i aint buying his book
see also: yooooge piles of dead people
he sees them
8:41 PM me: McBush III?
Kevin: i'm telling you right now godfuckingdammit... buffalo grove kollyforniya phokking merlot... write it down, commit it to memory AND PRINT IT
8:42 PM saddam is about to attack us (see also:mushroom cloud) and condi: slso fullashit
me: how many bottles have you had?
Kevin: he will hurl mushroom clouds from the grave
7
8:43 PM it's good for your heart and shit
saddam was a bad man
8:44 PM me: not a wine drinker, Saddam? he's kinda dead
Kevin: chix still dont have an outfielder
i've been sitting here two hours looking for one
sweet lord...
me: So?
Kevin: good point DICK
8:45 PM me: here to help
i mean...So...TagOOOOOOOCHEEEE
8:46 PM Kevin: thanks... it's all so clear now
i dont know which i like more, the 559 ops or the decapitating ceiling
8:47 PM me: Chris Snelling activated today...
Kevin: i should mention -- the ceiling would decapitate a midget
SCHNELLLLing?
me: si, senor
8:48 PM Kevin: Our View
Based on Snelling's history, the over/under on his return to the DL is 15 days.
sounds like a chixxxzzzz
replaces tj "rhymes with" bone
me: yesxz
8:49 PM Kevin: white house iraq group - WHIG - get used to it
will go down in history with other great war criminals
8:50 PM me: YAY!
Kevin: yes! we are blowing shit up! regardless of where the shit lands, how can that be bad?
8:51 PM cia hates scooter and dick dick dick dick dick... when will we capture and kill them?
dissent is communism
8:52 PM communism is bad btw...
:-)
8:53 PM his name is SCOOOTER for phokks sake? how can he be the bad guy? wake up america!
8:54 PM the flying nun has kids and takes a boner pill,,, now i know i'm losing it...
8:55 PM boniva? sounds degenerate
me: a nun with a boner?????
Kevin: and KIDS! god is angry my friends...
8:57 PM me: our best senator, Robert Byrd, in da hospital
Kevin: cant be good since he is 125 years old
8:58 PM alright alright ALRIGHT... da boom boom is delicious... but i still prefer the phokking merlot
8:59 PM i would hate to think we will never have senator byrd go up against ted stevens in another coot-off
me: opened boom boom? end of the world later tonight?
Kevin: so it would seem
dont say you wuzznt warned
9:00 PM heres a good name for a book by a republican: whu happen????
duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
9:01 PM me: vol 2: Shit Blowing Up
Kevin: vol.3 - we hatesez them (cont'd)
me: Rupert Murdoch: also a pirate
9:02 PM Kevin: vol.4 we are in shackles in a dark dank dungeon
vol.5 we love dick dick dick dick dick dick dick cheney!
me: this just in: Padres still SUCK
Kevin: veteran presence
6 minutes
9:09 PM me: DICK makes an incest joke about West Virginia? must be HIGH-LARRY-US
5 minutes
9:14 PM Kevin: herro?
9:15 PM bows of horry?
farararararararara?
shirazaez?
9:16 PM i can haz yet annudder cheezburger?
9:17 PM me: dude, how many times i gotta tell ya: Hillary has the most votes!
Kevin: mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Kevin: i phink so! i betcha da bitter white incest voters had en espatial affinity ta dis one
mlsmith65@gmail.com is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 11:10 PM on Monday
my phokking ASS
war kittens?
me: not offline - someone is FULLASHIT
9:18 PM Kevin: i like television. it amuses me
see also: da brain deadness
and: chix suck
9:19 PM me: tv: internets: wine: brain deadness: chix sucking: you are set
Kevin: phanks... everyding is right wif da whirld
9:20 PM in dat case i can go to sleep now and have yet anuudder cheezburger
me: Bill Clinton called a reporter sleezy and dishonest
see: pot: kettle
Kevin: yes and he should know... he sets the standard
see: tea receptacle
9:21 PM and the kicker is: we're all dead (soon)
me: YAY
Kevin: i phink so
me: we won't have to go to fucking ALA
9:22 PM Kevin: dat wud be totally kickass
YAY
i will sleep well knowing that we are all dead before ALA
me: we can still dream, right?
9:23 PM Kevin: dat wud take da heat off da chix finding an outfielder too
our dreams are our most precious resources (not)
me: will Harold Ickes be dead, too?
9:24 PM Kevin: i guarantee it
me: YAY
Kevin: ickys? iew...
9:25 PM me: Edmonds: anudder rbi double, cont. to stuff it up the Padres' ASS
Kevin: in da afterlife, everyone will be totally phokking sorry goddamit'
9:26 PM phokk dem
okarie-dokarie... i am off to dream of bors of horry...
9:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me: fararararazzz
Kevin: yes
[Dick's "joke": "There are Cheneys on both sides of the family, and we don't even live in West Virginia. (...laughs at self...) You can say those things when you're not running for re-election. (...laughs again...)
Nope, the Cheneys are from Wyoming - where they fuck cows.]
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