Friday, December 21, 2007

I am shocked--SHOCKED!

UCSD dropped my current HMO, so now i'm with CIGNA...i guess i better not, well, need health care...

My new "health care provider"

A seventeen-year-old needs a LIVER TRANSPLANT and the insurance company is making up their mind whether to pay for it....

She died yesterday.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Prior headed to the Yankees

Senior vice president Lyin' Hank "The Liar" Steinbrenner lied Wednesday that the Yankees are unlikely to pursue Mark Prior. "We kind of looked into it, but at this point, no," Steinbrenner lied.

Who's the bigger distraction?

T.O. 48%
Jessica 52%

The ESPN poll had Jessica winning down south, T.O winning up north. IL was too close to call.

Also, Skip Bayless is on ESPN??? Doing the Hot Seat segment??? Add Sportscenter to the list of things that ain't what they used to be... Though most would say the ship had already sailed on dat show...

pinko commie girlyman calls for socialized medicine

Gov. stumps for health reform
Hoping to build public support for a health insurance reform package, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger visits a local Kaiser Permanente hospital to implore Californians to rally behind his efforts. He's joined by Democratic state House Speaker Fabian Nunez.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Rival to lolcats

Come up with tag lines 4 dese... for all your kitty wig needs.

Shoot the Stupid, literally - Watch more free videos

Are Fung & Decker in T.O.'s America haters camp?

Terrell Owens says he's got a "message" for Jessica Simpson when the Cowboys make the playoffs, so "just stay tuned." "Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite in this locker room or in Texas Stadium," T.O. said. "I think with everything that has happened, and obviously the way Tony (Romo) played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel like she's probably taking his focus away. Other than that, she was at the top of my list until last week."

She's still on the top of Smiff's list, haters, especially after she jinxed Romo and T.O. Also, she one helluva of an actress, she wears underwear (“I always wear underwear. It’s a personal rule.”), and she's a proud American (see below). Other than that, her large chestal area.

Those against this (Fung, Decker) hate America.

this is the new Michigan head coach?

The guy who only needed to beat a very mediocre Pittsburgh team (coached by Wanny!) at home to advance to this year's title game.

And that's the new Weasels' head coach? MF@.

someone want to explain dis?

Corms sez: "Smiff is gonna run outa games by the All-Star break."

Under settings, max games played is 82. Seems like we all past that figure a long time ago.

So what is the actual max. games which no one told me about, and isn't under settings? Is Decker running this league, too?

Looks like Fung's plan to foil Smiff from finishing ahead of everyone is out of the bag.

Gomer wishes K-Mad a Merry Phokking Christmas!

Holy Phokking Crap

My feet got wet again tonight on the one block walk back to my apt...CRAP!

Christmas came early for Smiff tonight...

YuleSmith is a quenching, hoppy "double" IPA. Appearance: Clear copper color and a creamy beige head with good retention. Flavor: Starts out with a bite of hops, but a perfect balance of maltiness and a dry finish leave you thirsting for that next sip. Aroma: The aroma starts with a heady citrusy and floral feel, and a slight overtone of vanilla. Mouthfeel (body/texture): Smooth, medium-bodied. Warm mouthfeel from the high alcohol content. Feels lush and full in the mouth. Smiff liked it.

Born Liar : Lying Liar : A Liar That Lies : Liar : A Lie

"I want to state clearly and without qualification: I did not take steroids, human growth hormone or any other banned substances at any time in my baseball career or, in fact, my entire life," liar Roger "Liar" Clemens, a liar, lied in a statement issued by his lying agent, a liar. "Those substances represent a dangerous and destructive shortcut that no athlete should ever take," he lying lied while lying.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

this is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

"If the bee disappeared off the face of the globe, then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man."
-- Albert Einstein

in insane coaches news

O'Neill to take over at Arizona when Olson retires

TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) -- Over the last two decades, it has been the most pressing sports question in this basketball-mad city.

Who will follow right-wing, lunatic asshole Lute Olson as Arizona's basketball coach?

The answer was provided in a press release on Tuesday morning: Kevin O'Neill. Don't laugh!

O'Neill, who has been serving as interim coach since Olson went on a personal leave of absence* in November, was designated as Olson's successor when the 73-year-old Hall of Famer retires. O'Neill is a former Wildcats assistant who rejoined Olson's staff last spring. He is also insane, highly combustible, and a tourette's syndrome sufferer (how else to explain the unending string of expletives from tip-off until the final buzzer sounds?).

[*Another family values Republican is getting a divorce.]

"Kevin is our coach for now, and will be our coach in the future when Lute decides to retire," athletic director Jim Livengood said, who will eventually fire O'Neill and say, "We're heading in a new direction."

For the 50-year-old O'Neill, the announcement capped a long basketball journey that began in 1979, when he was the head coach at Hammond (N.Y.) High School. O'Neill first served on Olson's staff from 1986-89.

"When I was an assistant here, I used to think, shit, it would be fucking great to have the Arizona job," O'Neill said. "It is a fucking dream job."

The move was the latest in a strange series of events that began on Nov. 3, when Olson told Livengood he needed to take a leave of absence to deal with undisclosed family-related issues.

"When you stop and think about it, it's a pretty big day," Livengood said. "But in the scope of things that we're doing, you just move along." Nothing to see here.

Even after taking leave, Olson appeared at a few practices, leading to speculation that he would soon return. But on Dec. 6, Olson said he was extending his leave through the end of the season -- and he filed for divorce from his wife, Christine, on the same day. Seeya, honey.

Twelve days later, O'Neill was named Olson's successor, although no one knows when he will take over for good. Olson has said he plans to return next year.

"Even though it seems like it's been a long and drawn-out process, all of this has happened relatively fast," Livengood said. "What today does is it just gives us a structure, if you will." A structure? What a buncha crapola, if you will.

"At this point, remember, it's just a succession plan -- nothing more, nothing less," Livengood added. "The bigger plan is that Lute will come back and coach, and I know he plans on that. If he doesn't, then this is that next step."

Livengood said he and O'Neill agreed to wait until after Jan. 1 to discuss a new contract. O'Neill is paid $375,000 per year -- a high salary for an assistant but well below the market for a Pac-10 coach. Olson is being paid his $738,000 base salary during his leave. He's still getting paid for not working? A Republican dream job.

"Factually, we already have a head coach under contract," Livengood said.

The news created little stir on campus, which is mostly deserted for the holiday break. The athletic department didn't even call a press conference, instead making O'Neill available to the media after his weekly call-in radio program at the student union. The FCC paid particular attention to this show, if you know what i fucking mean.

Later, Livengood spoke to a pair of reporters in the McKale Center grandstand as a handful of students shot baskets on the court.

The basketball team left in the afternoon for Las Vegas, where the 19th-ranked Wildcats will play UNLV on Wednesday night. Players were not made available to the media.

The announcement came as no surprise to anyone who had watched as O'Neill deftly stepped in and led the Wildcats to a 7-2 record in Olson's absence.

But O'Neill hardly seemed to be a candidate for one of the nation's more prestigious jobs after he went 5-25 at Northwestern in 1999-2000, his last year as a college head coach. Ah yes, who could forget that team, who frequently struggled to break 10 points by half-time. Also, O'Neill averaged 785 "fucks," "motherfuckers" and "cocksuckers," per Wildcat point that year, shattering Bobby Knight's previous Big Ten record of 136.

O'Neill coached the NBA's Toronto Raptors in 2003-04, and was fired at the end of a 33-49 season. Losing follows this guy around.

O'Neill had been serving as a consultant to the Indiana Pacers before Olson summoned him to return last spring.

"The bottom line is I feel I am in the right fucking place at the right fucking time," O'Neill said. "I appreciate Lute--that old cocksucker--bringing me here in the motherfuckin' first place. If I hadn't been here in May, this would have never fucking happened. Never fucking EVER."

Said Livengood, "Timing is everything." Except when it's about money, which is actually everything 98% of the time.

O'Neill has a reputation as a tough, defense-oriented, motherfucking asshole of a coach, an attitude he is instilling in this year's Wildcats.

He led Marquette to the NCAA tournament in 1993 and 1994 but had trouble duplicating that success at Tennessee and Northwestern, although he did lead the lowly Wildcats to the NIT in 1999 (Evan Eschmeyer's 16th year in the program).

Livengood said O'Neill's 152-165 (.475) record in 11 college seasons is "not an issue." Well, that's good for him then.

"I think the big thing with Kevin, those are kind of days in the past," Livengood said. "To judge him, or judge how he might do here, I think would be unfair.

"I think this is a different situation. I know it's a different situation. He'll be very successful here." If not, new direction time.

Olson has redefined "successful" at a program that won a single Western Athletic Conference title from 1953 to 1983, when Olson arrived from Iowa.

Olson is 589-187 (.759) in 24 seasons at Arizona and has led the Wildcats to 23 straight NCAA tournament appearances, the nation's longest active streak. Arizona won the 1997 national title under Olson. Still, he's no Jimmy Bloheim.

O'Neill said he understands what he's getting into, and he's looking forward to the day he takes over -- whenever that might be.

"If you look at fucking track records, following fucking legends hasn't been very healthy for most fucking people when they fucking coach," O'Neill fucking said. "Some fucking fuck has to follow the fucking legends. In the fucking coaching profession, the motherfucking running joke is it will be a good job for the second cocksucker. I don't look at it that fucking way at all...Fuck."

Right in K-Mad's wheelhouse...

Happy Catsmas!

Smiff after upset victory over Fung

Who knew: there are phones in Zambia?

News Item: Zambia bans radio call-in shows because they have become a "channel of insults and misinformation."

Why haven't we thought of this?

Is it a coincidence?

News Item: Federal government paper-shredding contracts increase 600 percent in last six years.

In a possibly related story, scandals and corruption are also up 600 percent.

anudder Idiocracy indicator

Merriam-Webster names "w00t," an expression of joy invented by online gamers, as "the word of the year."

Now whitey's stealing darky

Dis is what dey did to Michael Jackson - that boy was too talented to be white. Watch out Tiger...

Disorder turning anchor's skin from black to white

are we sure we know what our neighboring galaxies are up to?

News item: Jet From Supermassive Black Hole Seen Blasting Neighboring Galaxy

A jet of highly charged radiation from a supermassive black hole at the center of a distant galaxy is blasting another galaxy nearby -- an act of galactic violence that astronomers said yesterday they have never seen before.

finally some good news for da whiners out deres

Cowboys coach Wade Phillips said the teams training staff is optimistic about the status of Tony Romo for Week 16. "They [trainers] think he is going to be all right," said Phillips, who said he was unsure if Romo would need to wear a brace in practice on his injured thumb. The Cowboys play at the Panthers on Saturday.

Don't expect New England to rest Tom Brady against Miami next week until very late in the game.

Bears OC Ron Turner expects Kyle Orton to remain the team's starting QB for the final two weeks. Hopefully fantasy owners have better QB2 options than Orton, who directed a Bears offense that produced little on Monday night and next face a stingy Packers defense.

Cricket Rules - Post 5 (i think) of 473

That one's a bad one - it means the batter is out.

This one is the closest to the really cool Aussie Rules signal. It means 6 runs have been scored, or, in baseball terms, it might be, it could be, it is, a home run, holy cow.

Punishment, whitey style

Well, I don't know if they're white, but it sounds like whitey punishment, like time-outs and being grounded and being sent to your room where there's a tv and a computer with internet access and a phone and a ladder just outside...

Dad's sale of pot-smoking son's game sparks Web debate
Mon Dec 17, 6:41 PM ET

TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian man who said he sold his 15-year-old son's prized video game, a Christmas gift, on eBay after catching him smoking marijuana has sparked an online debate on who is wrong -- father or son.

The unidentified man decided to punish his son by selling the popular and hard-to-find Guitar Hero III videogame he had bought him for Christmas for $90 on the auction site where an Australian buyer bid $9,100. It was not known if the sale at that price actually proceeded.

"I had finally got the Holy Grail of Xmas presents pretty much just in the nick of time. I couldn't wait to spread the jubilance to my son," the father said in a letter accompanying the posting on eBay.

"Then, yesterday, I came home from work early and what do I find? My innocent little boy smoking pot in the backyard with two of his delinquent friends."

The seller, who describes himself as an elementary school teacher but could not be contacted to verify his story, said that by selling the game he intended to teach his son a lesson.

But whether true or not, the five-day auction, that ended on Dec 10, elicited more than a 100 comments.

Some sided with the disgruntled father and others accusing him of "publicly humiliating" his son.
The father has since updated the posting with more responses to the feedback, including accusations that the sale was a hoax.

"All I can do is assure you that yes, the auction is real," he said on the site.

No one from eBay was available to comment.

"I am still considering getting him a game for his Nintendo. Maybe something like Barbie,"
added the father.
(Reporting by Claire Sibonney; Editing by Patricia Reaney)

Will he sound less annoying?

Vocal cord surgery sidelines ESPN's Dick Vitale until February

Commando Style

In which Fungster considers ritual suicide after his humiliation...


It was all lined up for us. We got the opponents we wanted. Our quarterbacks had the right matchups. 50 points in the bank. Then all we needed was our superior running backs and wide receivers to do their job. Then it would have been the clash of the titans in the final. One more match to decide it all.

At least you made it close. My humiliation was total. My total team output was the worst of the season. Oh sure, it would have beaten Corporal about half the time, but I wasn't playing the Corporal. This was the playoffs. This is when you're supposed to bring it. And my team brought nothing. Absolutely nothing.

But who's to blame? You could look at the fact that my first and second round picks are out for the season with injuries. But the team went on without them, scoring more points than anyone else. Or how about picks 3, 4 and 5, who had 23 points combined, where they should have had 80. They were the leaders of the team, and they led them to a shipwreck. Of titanic proportions.

Smiff says it was an act of God. Well, why has God forsaken us? What did we do wrong? What did Smiff do right? What must Corms do to avoid God's wrath? Maybe I should go to God, talk to him, get the scoop.

Just then, God appeared. "My son, what is troubling you so?"
"Why have you forsaken us? Why did you let the non-believer win?"
"Well, do you remember last night's game?"
"In the last two minutes, when Orton let fly?"
"I do remember that."
"What happened?"
"The ball was intercepted by Minnesota"
"And why did that happen?"
"Er, because we suck?"
"No. Because the Minnesota defender went and seized the ball. The Chicago wide receiver waited for the ball and it never arrived."
"And this is relevant how?"
"Smiff won because he went out and seized the victory from your jaws. You just sat on your team and hoped they would win. He knew his team sucked so he went out there and got the players he needed to achieve victory."
"So I should drop all my players and get all new ones?"
"No, you should have players that seize the day, not ones that rest on their laurels."
"Ok, still a little confused, but I think I get it."
"Great! Oh, one more thing."
"You should probably call 911."
I looked down to see a huge sword through my chest.

Just then, I woke up. Phew. Was it all a dream? Did I just dream about losing to Smiff and my team had really won? I dashed for the laptop, fired up the browser and, crap. Still lost. But now I had a message to relay to Corms from God. I had purpose once more. A reason to live. Till next week anyway...

Always your friend,


Phokking Phantasy Phootball

(4) S#i+ Blowing Up
(3) BOO

Da rubbermatch between dese 2, who don't deserve to be in da final. But dey're dere. So suck it, the rest of us. U'd better phokking win Corms. Though it might be amusing to see Smiff wear da Bears T-Shirt, beaming in all his glory...

Bronze Medal Yahoo Trophy Winning Who Gives A Phokking Crap Matchup
(1) Defending Negro
(2) NFL Players Assoc

Buncha Choke Artists. Once again the "It's hard to beat a team 3 times in a season" adage comes back to bite dese 2 in the @$$. In which case Sarge is a shoo in...

The Matchup That Everyone Will Be Watching
(8) TheRobot Cockroaches
(7) Fortress America

Corporal has lost 13 in a row. Ranger has lost 5 in a row and 10 of 11, his only win in that stretch coming against Corporal's Cockroaches. Ranger lost last week in a matchup where both teams failed to break the century mark, the only time that's happened all season. Something has to give. Both teams score over 200 in this one. Somehow.

You know what else is phokking ridiculous? Apparently there's a limit to the number of labels you can put in, well, there's a limit in characters anyway. Dis coulda used soooooooooooooo many more labels...

Huckster: wid da tarrists?

Romney Slams Huckabee, Defends Bush’s Foreign Policy

"I may not be the expert that some people are on foreign policy, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."
-- The next Rezzz-i-dunce of the United States, Mike Huckabee

a proposal that works for everyone

A poll on channel 7 during the Bears game revealed that Bears fans who respond to polls on channel 7 regard Donovan McNabb as the team's most likely starting quarterback in 2008. If true, the Eagles will need a quarterback, and Grossman will need a team... just sayin...

finally, some good news (cont'd)

Here's an idea so good, so benevolent, so forward-thinking, so hope-inspiring, it's bound to rip a black hole in the universe or something...

Illinois chosen for experimental coal plant
(AP) — A government and industry research project to learn ways to burn coal without emitting global warming gases took a major step forward Tuesday as an industry group said it would build the facility at a site in Illinois, choosing the location over two potential sites in Texas.

The futuristic $1.8 beeellion power plant, known as FutureGen, will be built on several hundred acres near Mattoon, Ill., where construction is expected to bring hundreds of jobs and boost the local economy.

k-mad clambering back on the Obama bandwagon

Nuttin' against da Elf exactly... just worried about the bacterium.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Well, that settles it...

From Yahoo! - in assessing the game:

Top Performers

J. McKie RB
1 Rush, 1 yd
1 TD

A. Peterson RB
20 Rush, 78 yds
2 TDs

how will they blow it?

Chicago 13
Minnesota 6

I don't care -- I'm going to bed. I'll say dis dough... for all the talk of Grossman, the oh-fensive line is even more totally gross, man.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Decker's vote for president on 12/17/07

John Edwards - from Krugman's column today in the New York Times:

The argument began during the Democratic debate, when the moderator — Carolyn Washburn, the editor of The Des Moines Register — suggested that Mr. Edwards shouldn’t be so harsh on the wealthy and special interests, because “the same groups are often responsible for getting things done in Washington.”

Mr. Edwards replied, “Some people argue that we’re going to sit at a table with these people and they’re going to voluntarily give their power away. I think it is a complete fantasy; it will never happen.”

See here for changes to my vote - but man - I'm all about this argument. Hate them. Hate them like I hate Romo right now.

An Act of God? It's da only way for S#i+ Blowing Up to win...

Like Mike Hackabee, Smiff has been talking to The Big Man...hoping for a plague of locusts to rain down upon Foxborough.
Alas, i will be on a train to Santa Barbara and can't watch the end times play out on the grid-iron...

ESPN reporter Wendi Nix reported that there is currently a "wintry mix" falling at Foxborough stadium and similar conditions should continue until gametime. Winds remain the main concern and are expected to continue. It started snowing in New England, but quickly changed to sleet and freezing rain. More than anything, wind would hurt Brady's chances of a big day. We would continue to monitor all the weather situations, but would only consider benching Brady for another top-5 quarterback option. The consequences of the weather is unknown.

Dis just in...

Wendi Nix of ESPN reports that the weather at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough "is an absolute mess." The tarp is still on the field less than two hours before kickoff between the Jets and Patriots. Snow and what The Weather Channel reports could be 35 MPH winds will lessen the Patriots' chances of putting up their usually explosive numbers offensively, and could specifically put a big hit on Tom Brady's fantasy value.

...Locusts! I Demand Thee!!

(I'm also seeing if God will smite Mike Shanahan and his "offensive" play calling...)

Bad Idea

So the Corporal decides he wants to go out and walk on the beach after the 20 feet of snow we've had over the past month. At least he was smart enuff not to lead. All of a sudden, what looked like solid ground turned out to be......a sinkhole of slushy ice! Now Fungster's all wet. Or at least, his right foot was. Not to be outdone, Corporal went over the ridge separating the beach sand from the white mounds of who knows what. Slosh! Corporal went in deeper than the Fungster did. Now both are drying off and warming up. So be warned - don't go walking out on the beach after 20 feet of snow.

Now back to preparing to watch my team blitz Smiff's...

The Des Moines Register is Dumb

Endorsing Clinton for her experience? Sounds like a Dusty Baker type decision.

While a glowing turd would be preferable to anybody on the Republican side, she does not improve on the turd nearly so much as one would hope.

Having weighed in on the weigh-in I now go to sleep.

A big Go Fuck Yourself Des Moines Register though!