It's a sign of the times (cont)

Lawyers, bankers cash in on fantasy football

"That Monday, [Olszewski] came in the office, and he was bummed out," said Anthony Giaccone, president of Intermarket Insurance. "He asked, 'Why can't we buy insurance for fantasy team players?' "

That's the American way - taking someone's lemons and making lemonade that makes someone else lots of money. Anybody think Parcers needs fantasy insurance?

Fantasy Football - the suckage

Only Ranger made the playoffs this year, with Smiff missing out on point differential, Sarge & Corporal a game out and the less said about Fung & Corms the better. Since we went to a 10 team league team, apparently there's no consolation bracket for 9th and 10th. So Fung & Corms are done. Finished. Outta dere. Their suckage and stinkage was absolute. They did manage to win once or twice, including going 1-1 against each other. But boy did they suck. So Fung will not have tales of lore about this season. Someone else will have to do that. Now to focus on basketball, where Briggs is obviously like 50 poi... hold on, I'm being told that somehow Smiff leads the league. I give up.

Not mentioned: K-Mad (too sexy for Fantasy Football), Briggs (lifetime Parcer, rejecter of any and all other leagues, despite innumerable coercive efforts, he will not join your league, got it?)

finally some good news for da whiners out deres

Cowboys coach Wade Phillips said the teams training staff is optimistic about the status of Tony Romo for Week 16. "They [trainers] think he is going to be all right," said Phillips, who said he was unsure if Romo would need to wear a brace in practice on his injured thumb. The Cowboys play at the Panthers on Saturday.

Don't expect New England to rest Tom Brady against Miami next week until very late in the game.

Bears OC Ron Turner expects Kyle Orton to remain the team's starting QB for the final two weeks. Hopefully fantasy owners have better QB2 options than Orton, who directed a Bears offense that produced little on Monday night and next face a stingy Packers defense.

Commando Style

In which Fungster considers ritual suicide after his humiliation...



Sarge,


It was all lined up for us. We got the opponents we wanted. Our quarterbacks had the right matchups. 50 points in the bank. Then all we needed was our superior running backs and wide receivers to do their job. Then it would have been the clash of the titans in the final. One more match to decide it all.


At least you made it close. My humiliation was total. My total team output was the worst of the season. Oh sure, it would have beaten Corporal about half the time, but I wasn't playing the Corporal. This was the playoffs. This is when you're supposed to bring it. And my team brought nothing. Absolutely nothing.


But who's to blame? You could look at the fact that my first and second round picks are out for the season with injuries. But the team went on without them, scoring more points than anyone else. Or how about picks 3, 4 and 5, who had 23 points combined, where they should have had 80. They were the leaders of the team, and they led them to a shipwreck. Of titanic proportions.

Smiff says it was an act of God. Well, why has God forsaken us? What did we do wrong? What did Smiff do right? What must Corms do to avoid God's wrath? Maybe I should go to God, talk to him, get the scoop.

Just then, God appeared. "My son, what is troubling you so?"
"Why have you forsaken us? Why did you let the non-believer win?"
"Well, do you remember last night's game?"
"Vaguely"
"In the last two minutes, when Orton let fly?"
"I do remember that."
"What happened?"
"The ball was intercepted by Minnesota"
"And why did that happen?"
"Er, because we suck?"
"No. Because the Minnesota defender went and seized the ball. The Chicago wide receiver waited for the ball and it never arrived."
"And this is relevant how?"
"Smiff won because he went out and seized the victory from your jaws. You just sat on your team and hoped they would win. He knew his team sucked so he went out there and got the players he needed to achieve victory."
"So I should drop all my players and get all new ones?"
"No, you should have players that seize the day, not ones that rest on their laurels."
"Ok, still a little confused, but I think I get it."
"Great! Oh, one more thing."
"Yes?"
"You should probably call 911."
I looked down to see a huge sword through my chest.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

Just then, I woke up. Phew. Was it all a dream? Did I just dream about losing to Smiff and my team had really won? I dashed for the laptop, fired up the browser and, crap. Still lost. But now I had a message to relay to Corms from God. I had purpose once more. A reason to live. Till next week anyway...

Always your friend,

Fungster

Phokking Phantasy Phootball

Phinal
(4) S#i+ Blowing Up
(3) BOO

Da rubbermatch between dese 2, who don't deserve to be in da final. But dey're dere. So suck it, the rest of us. U'd better phokking win Corms. Though it might be amusing to see Smiff wear da Bears T-Shirt, beaming in all his glory...

Bronze Medal Yahoo Trophy Winning Who Gives A Phokking Crap Matchup
(1) Defending Negro
(2) NFL Players Assoc

Buncha Choke Artists. Once again the "It's hard to beat a team 3 times in a season" adage comes back to bite dese 2 in the @$$. In which case Sarge is a shoo in...

The Matchup That Everyone Will Be Watching
(8) TheRobot Cockroaches
(7) Fortress America

Corporal has lost 13 in a row. Ranger has lost 5 in a row and 10 of 11, his only win in that stretch coming against Corporal's Cockroaches. Ranger lost last week in a matchup where both teams failed to break the century mark, the only time that's happened all season. Something has to give. Both teams score over 200 in this one. Somehow.

You know what else is phokking ridiculous? Apparently there's a limit to the number of labels you can put in, well, there's a limit in characters anyway. Dis coulda used soooooooooooooo many more labels...

Well, that settles it...

From Yahoo! - in assessing the game:

Top Performers

Chicago
J. McKie RB
1 Rush, 1 yd
1 TD

Minnesota
A. Peterson RB
20 Rush, 78 yds
2 TDs