Saturday, June 7, 2008

Trains are next...

Deja vu: Benson driving drunk again

Bears RB Cedric Benson was arrested early this morning and charged with drunken driving in downtown Austin, Texas.
After being stopped for a traffic violation, Benson failed a field sobriety test and subsequently refused both a breathalyzer and blood test. On the heels of Benson's BWI incident, the rogue running back may be more trouble than he's worth to the Bears. It's going to be tough to overlook the continued off the field woes of a player who has also been underwhelming on the field. Jun. 7 - 10:36 am et

A good thought but one that is all fantasy baseball geekness:

Reading about fantasy baseball - as usual, I think most of it is over-commissioning (I'm the king of laissez-faire commissioning actually - which should make Briggs happy), but I kind of liked this idea a little bit:

From reader E.S.:

Our league (New England Sharks Fantasy Baseball) is a draft-based long-term keeper league with a great incentive for avoiding last place. At each year’s draft, after the beer has begun to flow, but before the picks start, the last place team is renamed by the other owners in a nomination and voting process. (It should go without saying, the viler the proposals, the more enthusiastically they are received). The proud owner is required to refer to his team as the "2006 last-place XXXs" in all communications with other owners for the rest of the year. If they make it out of the cellar, they can get their team name back at the next draft.

The shame and penalty aspect of last week's article probably drew the most responses. I thought that this was the most unique out of those. It might not be the most effective of the bunch in curbing dump trades, but it certainly would inspire me not to finish last.

I mean, I thought about how much I would hate not being able to be the Blue Ward Cyclones - it was almost painful. Or to have a team like the Crab Queens. The Squirrels of Anger however, are just fucked.

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Most Vital Infrastructure in America

WASHINGTON (AP) - Plans for a levitating train from Las Vegas to Disneyland can move forward under a transportation bill signed by President Bush on Friday that frees up $45 million for the futuristic project.

Derided by critics as pie in the sky, the train would use magnetic levitation technology to carry passengers from Disneyland to Las Vegas in well under two hours, traveling at speeds of up to 300 mph.

Because he's learned that platonic love can exist between two grown men

Collins, Reinsdorf agree coaching search continues ... minus Collins

"I just knew over the last few days that Jerry was really struggling over whether or not to do this, and I didn't want Jerry to have those struggles," Collins told the Chicago Tribune for a story posted on the newspaper's Web site. "I love him. And I didn't want him feeling that kind of angst."

the next in Smiff gear?

Bids start at $5,000...

Bill Cosby Worn Wardrobe Sweater from The Cosby Show #2

the outrages keep pouring in (cont'd), or, look who's hating freedom today, or, the sex industry should be run more like a gubmint bureaucracy

Tax on Sex Industry Proposed in California

there is another delay directly behind this one (expect delays)

K-Mad is flying out of Midway tonight, by the way... both O'Hare and Midway currently report "major delays," by the way...

Metra Union Pacific West Line shut down

(Crain's) — Commuter trains along the Metra Union Pacific West Line were stopped Friday afternoon due to a non-toxic leak that has caused slippery and unsafe track conditions, the agency said.

Details of the incident were scarce, though a Metra service update says trains running in both directions have been halted indefinitely.

Officials are recommending that commuters look for alternate transportation. There's no word on when the track could reopen.

A spokesman couldn't be reached for comment.

Trains on the same line, which runs between Chicago's Ogilvie Transportation Center and far west suburban Elburn, also experienced delays Friday morning when an outbound train struck and killed a man in Wheaton.

you know, winning the Series might add value

"It's about being a good citizen. It's about contributing to the community and to me that's viewed to be just as important as Major League Baseball or the Tribune Co., you know, what can I do for Wrigleyville, what can I do for the community, and what are the ways that I fit in and add value? There are a lot of things we can do community-wise that can enhance my chances and so I'm gonna pull out all the stops."

The Sky is Falling!

Among the things Fung had to troubleshoot today: Is down? Turns out it is. Or was. Depending on when you read this. So yeah, please hold off on buying cheap Chinese (and others) crap for a while. See how long you can go before withdrawal symptoms kick in...

Chinese masses tired of huddling, being poor

Nicolai Ouroussoff, in the NYT:

The sheer number of projects under construction [in China] and the corresponding investment in civic infrastructure — entire networks of new subway systems, freeways and canals; gargantuan new airports and public parks — can give the impression that anything is possible in this new world. The scale of these undertakings recalls the early part of the last century in America, when the country was confidently pointed toward the future. But it would be unimaginable in an American city today, where, in the face of shrinking state and city budgets, expanding a single subway line can seem like a heroic act. “In America, I could never do work like I do here,” Steven Holl, a New York architect with several large projects in China, recently told me, referring to his latest complex in Beijing. “We’ve become too backward-looking. In China, they want to make everything look new. This is their moment in time. They want to make the 21st century their century. For some reason, our society wants to make everything old. I think we somehow lost our nerve.”

Obviously this Holl guy didn't get the HYOOOGE contract for our emb@$$y in Baghdad...

Leave Barry Alone!

Barry Bonds plead not guilty Friday to 15 felony charges that he lied to a federal grand jury about using performance-enhancing drugs. Bonds already plead not guilty to similar charges this winter, but a judge ordered prosecutors to rewrite the indictment and Bonds was re-arraigned on 15 counts of lying under oath.

Maybe it's just a case of mistaken identity?

I'll be linking...

...dis guy.

why can't they just let bygones be bygones?

White House scolded on prewar claims
Al Qaeda link to Iraq exaggerated, Senate panel says

In a long-awaited report, the Senate Intelligence Committee rebuked President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney on Thursday for making prewar claims - particularly that Iraq had close ties to al Qaeda - that were not backed by available intelligence.

The report, which was supported by some Republicans but criticized by many others, accuses the president and other members of his administration of repeatedly exaggerating the evidence of an al Qaeda connection to take advantage of the charged climate after the Sept. 11 attacks.

"In making the case for war, the administration repeatedly presented intelligence as fact when in reality it was unsubstantiated, contradicted, or even nonexistent," said Sen. Jay Rockefeller, D-W.Va., the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee. "Sadly, the Bush administration led the nation into war under false pretenses."

The report amounts to the most direct rebuke to date of the Bush administration's use of intelligence to build support for the Iraq war. But the document, which catalogs hundreds of statements by administration officials, stops short of calling for any further inquiry or punishment.

If we can try children for war crimes, why can't we try retards (like you-know-who)?

UN scolds U.S. for detaining children

GUANTANAMO BAY – A United Nations committee has reprimanded the U.S. for trying Omar Khadr for war crimes and detaining hundreds of children in Iraq and Afghanistan, when international law requires that they be rehabilitated.

Khadr, who was 15 when he was shot and captured in Afghanistan in 2002, and Afghan detainee Mohammed Jawad are on trial here for allegedly attacking U.S. troops.

Their trials are believed to be the first war crime prosecution of juveniles, which civil rights groups warn will set a dangerous precedent.

PLEASE don't get rid of Drool Cup

Tribune to redesign papers, job cuts possible

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Tribune Co plans to redesign its financially struggling newspapers in the next few months to save money while making them more appealing to readers, a move that could lead to more job cuts. (Skilly?! ed...)

Cutting jobs could follow, including in the newsroom, where Tribune has been reviewing the productivity of each reporter.

"When you get into the individuals, you find you can eliminate a fair number of people, while not eliminating very much content," Michaels said. (Yeah, reporters? Who needs 'em... certainly not a newspaper... ed.)

Barack: winning hearts and minds (wham)

Overseas, Excitement Over Obama
In Presumptive Nominee, Many See Chance for New Direction and New Attitude

LONDON, June 4 -- For much of the world, Sen. Barack Obama's victory in the Democratic primaries was a moment to admire the United States at a time when the nation's image abroad has been seriously damaged.

From hundreds of supporters crowded around televisions in rural Kenya, Obama's ancestral homeland, to jubilant Britons writing "WE DID IT!" on the Brits for Barack discussion board on Facebook, people celebrated what they called an important racial and generational milestone for the United States.

"This is close to a miracle. I was certain that some things will not happen in my lifetime," said Sunila Patel, 62, a widow encountered on the streets of New Delhi. "A black president of the U.S. will mean that there will be more American tolerance for people around the world who are different." (look lady, we just had a retarded president for the last eight years... how much more respect for people who are "different" could you want?... ed.)

The primary race generated unprecedented interest outside the United States, much of it a reflection of a desire for change from the policies of President Bush, who surveys show is deeply unpopular around the globe. At the same time, many people abroad seemed impressed -- sometimes even shocked -- (SHOCKED!... ed.) by the wide-open nature of U.S. democracy, and the history-making race between a woman and a black man.

"The primaries showed that the U.S. is actually the nation we had believed it to be, a place that is open-minded enough to have a woman or an African American as its president," said Minoru Morita, a Tokyo political analyst.

While Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has admirers, especially from her days as first lady, interviews on four continents suggested that Obama is the candidate who has most captured the world's imagination.

"Obama is the exciting image of what we always hoped America was," said Robin Niblett, director of Chatham House, a British foreign policy institute. "We have immensely enjoyed the ride and can't wait for the next phase."

The presumptive Republican nominee, Sen. John McCain, who has extensive overseas experience, is known and respected in much of the world. Interviews suggested that McCain is more popular than Obama in countries such as Israel, where McCain is particularly admired for his hard line against Iran.

"Although no one will admit it, Israeli leaders are worried about Obama," said Eytan Gilboa, a political scientist at Bar-Ilan University in Israel. "The feeling is that this is the time to be tough in foreign policy toward the Middle East, and he's going to be soft." (also - they hear he is a Muslim... ed.)
But elsewhere, people were praising Obama, 46, whose emphasis on using the Internet helped make him better known in more nations than perhaps any U.S. primary candidate in history.

In Kenya, Obama's victory was greeted with unvarnished glee. In Kisumu, close to the home of Obama's late father, hundreds crowded around televisions Wednesday morning to watch Obama's victory speech, chanting "Obama tosha!" -- "Obama is enough!"

"I can't express the joy in me," declared Sarah Obama, the senator's grandmother, at her home. "I'm only praying for more success in the coming days."

Sam Onyango, a water vendor in Kisumu, said that "Obama's victory means I might one day get to America and share the dreams I have always heard about. He will open doors for us there in the spirit of African brotherhood." (ruh-roh... ix-nay on the otherhood-bray... ed.)

Obama also has strong support in Europe, the heartland of anti-Bush sentiment. "Germany is Obama country," said Karsten Voight, the German government's coordinator for German-North American cooperation. "He seems to strike a chord with average Germans," who see him as a transformational figure like John F. Kennedy or Martin Luther King Jr.

His father's journey to America as an immigrant resonates with many foreigners who hope to make the same trip. Many people interviewed said that although the candidate's living in Indonesia for several years as a child doesn't qualify as foreign policy credentials, it may give him a more instinctive feel for the plight of the developing world.

"He's African, he's an immigrant family; he has a different style. It's just the way he looks -- he seems kind," said Nagy Kayed, 30, a student at the American University in Cairo. (in udder words, not cut from the Bush-Cheney asshole mold... ed.)

Was dis in Ohio?

This shows the 3rd man in history to ever walk on water.
The 1st one was Jesus Christ…
The 2nd one was Peter (the apostle)…
Then there was this guy, Jose.

Ohio: Land of Morans (cont'd)

Diploma typo gives Ohio graduates proof of their 'educaiton'

WESTLAKE, Ohio - A Cleveland-area principal says he's embarrassed his students got proof of their "educaiton" on their high school diplomas.

Westlake High School officials misspelled "education" on the diplomas distributed last weekend. It's been the subject of mockery on local radio.

Principal Timothy Freeman says he sent back the diplomas once to correct another error. When the diplomas came back, no one bothered to check things they thought were right the first time. (woops!... ed.)

whitey is on to your s#i+ Osama

Things That Suck: The New York Mets

Scott Schoeneweis, Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph. Remember when Schoeneweis totally sucked with the White Sox? He later sucked with the Reds, but the Mets still signed him to a 3 year, 10.8 mEEEEEELLLLion dollar contract (career ERA: 4.94). And then he proceeded to SUCK in his 1st year with the Muts. Was Omar Minaya on crack? There must be dozens of lefties in the minors who can do what he does (SUCK) for the league minimum. So... you have a pitcher that can't find the plate in a tie game (and you leave him in?), and then you intentionally walk the bases loaded. Yes, it sets up a force play, but if he can't throw a strike, what phokking difference does it make?

Paul McAnulty had a walkoff HBP against the Mets' Scott Schoeneweis in the Padres' 2-1 victory on Thursday. After entering a tie game, Schoeneweis walked the first two batters he faced and then failed on his first attempt to corral Adrian Gonzalez's shot up the middle, forcing him to settle for getting one out at first. An intentional walk to load the bases followed, and Schoeneweis' first pitch to McAnulty hit him up by his shoulder. It made a winner of Trevor Hoffman, who pitched a scoreless top of the ninth.

Kenny Williams drafts...Kenny Williams

Let's hope he has a better career than himself...

Chicago White Sox
Rd. Overall Player Pos. School/St
1 8 Gordon Beckham SS H.S. GA
3 86 Brent Morel 3B Cal Poly CA
4 120 Drew O'Neil RHP Penn St PA
5 150 Dan Hudson RHP ODU Va.
6 180 Kenny Williams OF Wich. St KA

Thursday, June 5, 2008

the s#i+ keeps getting funnier (and scarier)








Don't anger the squirrel...

Jimmy Rollins confirmed after Thursday's game that he was benched for not running out a popup. "He’s the manager and that’s what he had to do," Rollins said. "He has two rules: Be on time and hustle. I broke one today. It’s my fault. I can’t be mad at him." Charlie Manuel, with a mouthful of squirrel jerky, didn't comment after the game, but it seems likely that Rollins will be back in there on Friday.

Cubs in Love with Radar-Gun Readings

With the 19th pick in the draft the Chicago Cubs take:

24 ANDREW CASHNER, RHP, Texas Christian

For a while, it appeared that the state of Texas might get shut out of the draft’s first round for the first time since 1977. That’s unlikely to happen now, thanks to Cashner, the hottest pitching prospect to come out of Angelina (Texas) JC since Clay Buchholz. Cashner turned down opportunities last year to sign with the Rockies (as a draft-and-follow) and the Cubs (as a 29th-rounder), opting instead to transfer to Texas Christian. A starter at Angelina, Cashner has excelled as a reliever for the Horned Frogs. No college pitcher in this draft can match his consistent 96-98 mph velocity, the product of outstanding whip in his 6-foot-6, 180-pound frame, and overmatched opponents have hit just .104 against him. Cashner has armside run on his fastball, and he backs it up with an 84-85 mph slider that can be electric. The slider is much better than the mediocre curveball he threw in the past, though it’s not always consistent. Neither is his command, which may prevent him from becoming an effective starter, but some clubs are interested in returning him to that role in pro ball. A team in love with radar-gun readings could take Cashner as high as the middle of the first round.

Ranking and scouting report from Baseball America

We are living in a golden age (cont)

Jolie pals: 'ET' knew source fake

"Entertainment Tonight" did not name its source at the time. It later revealed that the report was based on e-mails from someone it thought was Jolie assistant Holly Goline.

Shortly after the story was posted but several hours before the broadcast aired, Goline told "Entertainment Tonight" that she was not the person with whom they had been corresponding, a person with direct knowledge of the conversation told The Associated Press. That account was confirmed by another person close to Jolie.

The TV show stood by its story Friday night, with host Mary Hart saying on the air, "Just this morning, a source who says she was inside the delivery room tells us yes, the babies were born and yes, mother and babies are fine."

The show said in a statement Wednesday that it first learned of an impostor from a letter from Jolie's attorney Monday -- three days after the broadcast.

" 'Entertainment Tonight' takes this very seriously and is, of course, concerned that the show may have been victimized by someone allegedly posing as a member of Ms. Jolie's team," the statement said. "We are actively investigating the matter and are reaching out to law enforcement agencies."

The show has not mentioned the story on the air since the initial report, and the story has been deleted from its Web site.

Is it any wonder why and how this current administration was able to con the MSM into falling for their bull$#!+ hook line and sinker? And now we depend on blogs (like dis one) and comedy shows to give us the real news? This report stuff first, investigate later attitude that the whole industry seems to have fallen into needs to stop. Now. I love how they're blaming an "imposter", while if they'd done their JOBS as JOURNALISTS an imposter would not have mattered at all.

John McCain's FULL@S#i+ Tour Across America (cont'd)

McCain pressed on opposition to Webb GI bill

There’s a reason your response was met with zero applause, Senator.

McCain Fails to Come Clean on Katrina Record

Rodriguez: Senator, my understanding is you have voted twice against the creation of commission to investigate the levee failures around New Orleans, and my question is: Why have you voted against that creation of that commission?
McCain: I’ve supported every investigation and ways of finding out what caused the tragedy. I’ve been here to New Orleans. I’ve met with people on the ground. I’ve met with the Governor. I’m not familiar with exactly what you said but I’ve been as active as anybody in efforts to restore the city. …

Despite his claims otherwise, the reporter was correct, and McCain’s record on Katrina is not at all what he would have you believe.

-- McCain Voted Twice Against Establishing A Commission To Study The Response To Hurricane Katrina. [ 9/14/2005, 2/2/2006]
-- McCain Opposed Granting Financial Relief To Those Affected By Hurricane Katrina. [9/15/2005]
-- McCain Voted Against Five Months of Medicaid For Hurricane Katrina Victims. [11/3/2005]
-- McCain Voted Against Emergency Funding Bill, Including $28 Billion for Hurricane Relief. [5/4/2006]

McCain Caught Off-Guard About Campaign’s Lobbyist Problems

Wallace: Let me ask you one last question. David Axelrod said you talked in your speech today about changing the way Washington does business, but your campaign is run by two of the biggest lobbyists in Washington. How do you respond to that?
McCain (stuttering): “Uh, I di.., look, uh, the, the, those, they are not lobbyists, but th.. the fact is Americans care about my vision and plan of action for the future,”… blah blah bs, blah … ‘Obama is a liberal’ blah…

Wallace didn’t press any further (of course) on who this “they” is, but it was a lie in any case clearly worthy of a few Pinocchios.

sage advice for LoC bloggers

From the unhinged Michael Pfleger:

"This is a dangerous time in America, the freest country in the world," Pfleger says, "where you have to whisper your thoughts."

Is this how Sarge came to be?

There's a new show beginning tonight on CBS called "Swingtown." It's set in the swinging 70's in a Chicago suburb, and focuses on a couple named "the Deckers." Plot:As America celebrates its 200th birthday, two generations of friends and neighbors in a Chicago suburb explore new freedoms and seek connections with each other in the midst of the socio/sexual revolution. Decker is conceived.

Smiff dominating anudder fantasy league, trouncing Sarge again...

1 785 Smelly Hound Dogs 73 -1.5
2 new york bombers 65 -0.5
2 kansas city royals 65 -1.5
4 Team SENOR 62 +0
5 Elgin Cell 61 +0.5
6 Annapolis Crunchers 56.5 +2
7 BROOKLYN Dogs of Yore 51 -1
8 Team Ross 46 -1.5
9 Skeetin on Ya 41 +3.5
10 cardington yankees 29.5 +0

Plus, Dusty got him confused with a ball boy and kept calling him Jose...had to go

Reds optioned LHP Danny Herrera to Triple-A Louisville. A diminutive left-hander with great numbers despite mediocre stuff and a 45th-round pedigree, Herrera is a good story. Unfortunately, his first stay in the majors lasts all of two days and one scoreless inning.

another example of why talking to our enemies never works

Washington, DC, June 4, 2008 - Soviet nuclear-tipped cruise missiles were ready to destroy the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo had the U.S. military persuaded President Kennedy to invade Cuba during the missile crisis in 1962, according to a new book by Washington Post reporter Michael Dobbs (citing documents and interviews posted here today by the National Security Archive).

The documents show that U.S. intelligence listed the Soviet weapons as "unidentified artillery" pieces, when they were actually cruise missiles armed with Hiroshima-sized nuclear devices. They were deployed to within 15 miles of the Guantanamo base on the same day -- October 27, 1962 -- that the Joint Chiefs of Staff recommended an all-out U.S. invasion of Cuba to destroy the Soviet missile bases. President Kennedy rejected the advice of his military advisers in favor of a diplomatic solution to the crisis that included a secret understanding between his brother and the Soviet ambassador.

a shocking percentage of Lou Dobbs viewers have lapsed into a Lou Dobbs-viewing-induced coma

Do you believe Senator Hillary Clinton should run as an Independent candidate for President?
Yes 58% 7287
No 42% 5188
Total Votes: 12475
This is not a scientific poll

Texas Rangers are Some Bad MoFo's

People have been really stupid for a really long time.

it's 3am... just go away

unclear on the transport concept, or, expect Olympianly YOOOOOOOOGE delays

Chicago makes cut, has Olympic-size to-do list

there is probably an interesting story behind that

A mother and daughter in Contra Costa County, California, received a rude surprise when they called Benicia Public Library’s dial-a-story telephone service May 22. Geri Engberg said that instead of the innocuous tale she and her 6-year-old were expecting, they heard a profanity-laden account of an X-rated relationship between a dog and a pig....

there is no "i" in "faible"

Libraries switch off wi-fi internet
June 04, 2008

Four libraries in Paris have turned off their wi-fi internet connections after staff claimed they were causing health problems.

The latest to shut down its wireless network is the wireless Sainte-Genevieve university library in the 5th arrondissement after a member of staff threatened to take early retirement on health grounds.

The library has had wi-fi installed since the end of 2007. All computer users will now have to plug their laptops into the conventional fixed-line network.

In his letter to his employers, the shop worker stated: "Over the last few months, and increasingly over the last few weeks, I have suffered strong symptoms associated with the wi-fi network.

"Other sources of electromagnetic radiation, including mobile phones, have also played a part."

"Symptoms have included headaches, balance problems, general weakness, stress and sight problems..."*

*Aren't these just symptoms of being French?

Red-shirted geek triumphs

Alltel Sale to Verizon Looks Likely


It's go time

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

An Open Letter to Barack Obama and Kevin McClure from, who else...

and his bloviating new website:


Possible VPs (cont'd)

(Reuters) Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, who will claim the Democratic presidential nomination on Tuesday, has taken the first small step toward choosing a running mate.

Obama has asked Jim Johnson, former head of mortgage giant Fannie Mae, to begin research on potential candidates for the No. 2 slot on the ticket, media reports said. Johnson performed a similar task for Democratic presidential nominees John Kerry in 2004 and Walter Mondale in 1984.

Here is a list of some possible Democratic vice presidential candidates, in alphabetical order:

* Joseph Biden, 65 - The senator from Delaware, chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, is a respected foreign policy expert who would give Obama authority on the issue. But Obama might not want to add a second senator to the ticket, and could be looking for a fresher face to reinforce his message that this election is about change and the future.

* Wesley Clark, 63 - A retired Army general and former NATO commander who ran unsuccessfully for the presidential nomination in 2004, Clark is a supporter of Hillary Clinton who could help rally the party and provide a boost on national security issues. But he did not run a strong campaign in 2004 and he would be unlikely to generate much enthusiasm among party activists.

* Hillary Clinton, 60 - Polls have shown strong Democratic support for a "dream team" ticket of Obama and Clinton, his top rival for the nomination. Obama has not ruled out the option, which would help unify the party after a grueling nominating battle. But Clinton also would bring complications, including the return of former President Bill Clinton to the White House. A joint ticket could help attract some of Clinton's supporters -- including women and white working-class Democrats -- who have been reluctant to support Obama.

* Chris Dodd, 64 - The Connecticut senator, a fluent Spanish speaker and expert in Latin American issues, is the chairman of the Senate Banking Committee and a former foe for the presidential nomination who quickly endorsed Obama after dropping out. He would help bolster Obama's foreign policy and economic credentials, but presents many of the same drawbacks as Biden.

* Chuck Hagel, 61 - The Republican senator from Nebraska, a conservative Vietnam veteran but outspoken critic of the Iraq war, would help Obama reach out to independents and Republicans and reinforce his promise to bridge partisan divides.

* Tim Kaine, 50 - The Virginia governor was one of Obama's earliest and strongest supporters and could help him in a state that traditionally has been Republican in presidential elections but has been turning Democratic in recent years.

* Sam Nunn, 69 - The former Armed Services Committee chairman from Georgia is a respected foreign and military policy voice, but his age and conservative view on some social issues might make him an awkward fit with Obama.

* Ed Rendell, 64 - The Pennsylvania governor has been one of Clinton's strongest campaigners and he could help woo her supporters and help deliver a key state. A former district attorney and the mayor of Philadelphia, Rendell has executive experience that could help Obama.

* Bill Richardson, 60 - New Mexico governor, a Hispanic, could help with Latino vote -- the fastest-growing segment of the electorate and a potentially vital voting bloc. A seasoned negotiator, the former energy secretary and U.N. ambassador would also bring foreign policy experience to the ticket as well as inside knowledge of how Washington works.

* Kathleen Sebelius, 60 - Two-term governor of Kansas could bring some vital elements to the ticket: she's a woman and as the leader of a mostly Republican state has shown she can work across party lines. But she is largely untested on the national stage.

* Ted Strickland, 66 - The governor of Ohio is another strong Clinton supporter who comes from a battleground state. A former U.S. congressman, the first-term governor is not well-known nationally.

* Jim Webb, 62 - The first-term Virginia senator, Vietnam veteran and former secretary of the Navy has written seven novels, including "Fields of Fire," considered one of the best novels about the Vietnam War. Webb could help Obama in a state that has turned more Democratic in recent years.


Brett Myers made it through the 1st inning tonight without giving up dozens and dozens of runs. In fact, he gave up none. Perhaps the majors most retarded, brain-dead pitcher is turning/has turned the corner?

new in LoC gear

Get Yers Today

Cancel Red Alert

Space Station Toilet Is Working Again

offered without comment (except for a few obvious ones)

In Defeat, Clinton Graciously Pretends to Win
By Dana Milbank
Wednesday, June 4, 2008; A03

NEW YORK "What does Hillary want?"

Hillary Clinton put the question to her supporters here Tuesday night, moments after her opponent, Barack Obama, clinched the Democratic presidential nomination.

What Hillary did not want to do was to concede defeat. "I want the nearly 18 million Americans who voted for me to be respected, to be heard," she told her fans, who answered with cheers of "Denver! Denver!" and "Yes she will!"

The campaign was over, and Obama had locked up the nomination after a flood of more than 40 superdelegates announced their support for him throughout the day. But in the Baruch College gymnasium here (the "Bearcat Den"), Clinton spoke as if she were the victor.

She and her husband and daughter took the stage, smiling, clapping and bopping to the beat. She said nothing about losing the nomination, instead thanking South Dakota for giving her a victory in Tuesday's balloting: "You had the last word in this primary season!" This, she said, confirmed that she had won "more votes than any primary candidate in history."

Clinton congratulated Obama -- not for winning the nomination, but for running an "extraordinary race." She recognized Obama and his supporters "for all they accomplished."

It was an extraordinary performance by a woman who had been counted out of the race even when she still had a legitimate chance. Now she had been mathematically eliminated -- and she spoke as if she had won.

"Obama has work to do," the outspoken Clinton adviser Lanny Davis* told reporters in the hallway outside the gymnasium here. "Senator Clinton can't do it for him."

The rush of the opportunistic superdelegates toward the inevitable nominee only worsened what was certain to be an unhappy day for the Clintons, who had arrived at their Westchester home at about 3 a.m. after an awkward last day of campaigning in South Dakota. Bill Clinton had flown into a rage and called a reporter a "scumbag." At her last event in South Dakota, Hillary had lost her voice in a coughing fit. Somebody had seen fit to play an inappropriate John Fogerty tune before she took the stage: "It ain't me, it ain't me. I ain't no fortunate one."

A crew from "The Daily Show" joined the party, and, hoping to keep Clinton in the race, struck up a cheer of "Four more months!"

Such an outlandish thing seemed almost plausible among the Clinton backers in the hermetically sealed Baruch gym. Below ground level, there was no cellphone or BlackBerry reception, and there was no television playing in the room. That meant that they could not see the network projections showing that, while Clinton had won South Dakota, Obama had won enough delegates to clinch the nomination. Instead, they listened to Tom Petty's "Won't Back Down."

Just before Obama officially clinched, the Clinton campaign issued a press release as if it were still in the middle of a nominating battle. "Wyoming Automatic Delegate Backs Hillary," the e-mail said. It didn't include the name of the brave superdelegate.

Terry McAuliffe,** the campaign chairman, took the stage and read the full list of Clinton's victories, from American Samoa to Massachusetts. Introducing Clinton, he asked: "Are you ready for the next president of the United States?"

This brought laughter from the reporters in the back of the room, but Clinton induced the crowd to boo the "pundits and naysayers" who would have run her from the race. "I am so proud we stayed the course together," she told her backers, who interjected cries of "We believe in you!" and "Yes, we will!"

Only obliquely did Clinton refer to the fact that she had, in fact, lost the nomination. "The question is: Where do we go from here?" she said. She would figure that out "in the coming days," she said, but "I will be making no decisions tonight." The crowd in the Bearcat Den erupted in a sustained cheer. She referred her supporters to her Web site, as she had after many a primary night victory.

For a candidate who had just lost the nomination, she seemed very much in charge.

That must be what Hillary wants.

* K-Mad's boy (see also: fullas#i+)
** K-Mad's other boy (same as above)

Fung's not alone... whining...

Flying the unhappy skies

The University of Michigan people say we passengers are partly to blame for how poorly the airlines are doing in satisfying us because we shop too much for bargain fares, driving profits down, but I think that's ridiculous. If they can't afford to offer the fares, they shouldn't.

I thought the University of Michigan would be smarter than that and come up with something better. Staaaaate schoooool!

LoC Member Expansion?

Briggs has mentioned a desire to post. Should we let him? He sez he knows da risks. Also, I believe that one Corporal, once he has completed his transition to da East side, and finally ponies up for da Internet, wants to join as well. He also claims to know da risks. Derefore, I petition for dese two gallant midwestern sons be given da right to be assimilated. To add dere uniqueness to our own. Resistance is futile.

Take DAT Baku

(Crain’s) — Chicago’s Olympics dreams are still alive.
That’s the welcome — if expected — news from Athens, Greece, as the International Olympic Committee announced that Chicago is one of four finalists to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.

The Windy City joins Tokyo, Madrid and Rio de Janeiro on the short list of cities that have been found technically capable of hosting the 2016 games. All four cities have strong credentials, and the competition is likely to be close before a final decision is made in November 2009.

Eliminated were Prague, Czech Republic; Doha, Qatar, and Baku, Azerbaijan.

Note that the proposed venues include Huskie Stadium in DeKalb. Is it possible for the entire world to contract SUCKS?

interesting, but probably not as useful as "hoboseckshal"

Corporate-Sponsored "Slacktivism": Bigger and More Dangerous than the Urban Dictionary Realizes

if he were a fly, he might live forever

Dutch man injures posterior in mooning accident

Smiff and K-Mad might live forever

Wine shows new promise against aging

Red wine may be much more potent than was thought in extending human lifespan, researchers say in a new report that is likely to give impetus to the rapidly growing search for longevity drugs.

K-Mad & Smiff have been drinking again...

...with good reason...

New Hints Seen That Red Wine May Slow Aging

We can learn so much from nature

Stupid flies live longer: study

Brainz II: It's Only June (Anything Can Happen)

7:58 PM me: HOLY CRAP:
Kevin: oh no
me: Adam Eaton held the Reds to one run on three hits over 6 2/3 innings on Tuesday night as the Phillies went on to win 3-2. Pat Burrell's two-run homer in the sixth inning broke a 1-1 tie and put the Phils ahead for good. Eaton did not issue a walk and struck out five, tying a season high. Tonight's terrific outing was the second in a row for the Phillies right-hander, who tossed six innings of one-run ball his last time out.
7:59 PM Kevin: the public isnt ready for this
8:00 PM sox PUMMEL grinky
me: i know - awful
8:06 PM me: Terry McAuiliffe (your boy): Hillary Clinton would win the general election TODAY
8:07 PM Kevin: yeah and i would win the triple crown if i were in the major leagues
me: he's on the Daily SHow right now mocking himself (i think) hmmm, maybe not
Kevin: he should try it, it would be easy
8:12 PM me: LedeZZZZZma: shutting out the sCrUBS
Kevin: holy phokking shit
8:13 PM is there a helicoptor with an anvil hovering over the ballpark?
me: i can't see that far, but probably
8:16 PM Bedard: SUCKED
Kevin: inhumanely destroyed
8:17 PM me: like a duck?
Kevin: pretty much
8:19 PM me: Cubs score, floodgates next...
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
8:20 PM steel cleats must really SUCK to lose a three game series to da cherries
8:21 PM your boy campillo -- not so much
8:22 PM me: Uggla-Hummingbird-owned him tonight
Kevin: shillary is hemorraging superdelegates
of course, its all about da hummingbirds
8:23 PM me: i like the Cherries game where they Kd 19 times - and won
Kevin: suckathon
8:24 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: da boom boom
8:25 PM me: i gotsta $20 cab - celebrating BO and my promotion letter (fooled 'em)
8:26 PM Kevin: dat'll teach em
me: suckers
Kevin: yes
me: dey also shoulda known da risks
Kevin: you woulda phinked so
me: i also get a free lunch wif da head honcho
8:27 PM Kevin: rebecca?
me: no, da head head honcho - director
8:28 PM Kevin: knock back a few shots to show youre a regular (white) guy
me: yep - also try not to throw up on his suit
8:29 PM Kevin: excellent plan
8:33 PM is da cab worft twenty bucks?
8:34 PM me: it's tasty, but not werf $20
8:35 PM Zito v. Pedro: who dies first?
8:36 PM Kevin: why not both together?
8:37 PM me: works for me
8:38 PM Kevin: the gigantic asshole pat buchanan is bloviating on msnbc
me: i see dat
Kevin: what is wrong with obama that he isnt prezzzzident already?
me: why doesn't he just call him a nigger and be done with it
8:39 PM Kevin: why arent 200 million racist assholes like me in love with him already?
he's not bonding with nazi germany -- whats his prollem?
me: er, isn't Minnesota in middle America?
8:40 PM Kevin: nope -- its a psychic suburb of the upper east side
8:44 PM the media has annointed him
he's talking as if he were the nominee. i think it's presumptive, insulting, and frankly, just plain misogynist
why does he hate women?
8:45 PM me: it's sad, puzzling
8:49 PM speaking of which:
LedeWWWWma walks in run
Kevin: oy
thats not the ledezzzma we knew... wait... yes it is
8:52 PM me: SINGLE...anudder run
8:53 PM Kevin: on a happier note, zito finally came unraveled
8:54 PM me: ZZZ GUONE
Corey is in! (who?)
8:57 PM Kevin: mets - 8 runs in the 5th (and counting)
8:58 PM me: funny stuff
Kevin: yes
giants -- appalling
8:59 PM me: The Incredible Chulk!
Kevin: incredibly awful
9:00 PM me: Zito: only 5 earned
Kevin: a moral victory
9:01 PM chix put him on waivers and the woodstock nation claimed him
9:03 PM you know whats interesting? she won all the important votes. the ones he won were oddly secondary
9:10 PM me: wah roh: Pedro starting to SUCK
9:11 PM Kevin: puzzling...
9:12 PM me: Choo: HR
9:13 PM Tucker Carlson: Douchebag
Kevin: i'm on cnn -- gergen says we're winning hearts and minds
9:14 PM me: where?
9:16 PM Stephen Colbert tells graduates: Please don't change the world
9:17 PM Padres now losing thanks to a Soto (Monk!) BOMB
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:21 PM Kevin: gergen - wham in europe & canada - dey like our campaign (fools)
9:22 PM shillary - ASSHOLE
me: what did she do - speak?
9:27 PM Kevin: yes
lanny davis is a DICK
9:28 PM they're packing up the furniture lanny - go home
9:29 PM pedro gets a W for da chix - we'll take it
9:35 PM Kevin: arianna huffington is on cnn wondering why mr drucker is so mean to arnold ziffel
9:38 PM breaking news - shillary and barack just spoke on the phone
he probally agreed to be assassinated
it's june after all
9:39 PM me: anything can still happen
Kevin: we all remember what happened in june
she sees dead people (well one anyway)
9:41 PM brain-dead blonde mccain supporter on larry king.... like looking into the eyes of a chicken
9:42 PM my friends... i'm an asshole
(remember to smile)
(try not to act unhinged)
me: dude, he's MAVERICKIAN
Kevin: mccain - post-partisan
9:45 PM lanny - PHOKK YOU
dats a tasty syrah
me: lanny said dat?
9:46 PM Kevin: no i said dat to lanny - he was a bit taken aback
me: does he have 'the chicken eyes'?
9:47 PM Kevin: no he seems frighteninglylyly lucid
lanny vs the mccain chicken -- asshole vs asshole
me: it's a hole in...two
9:48 PM Kevin: YAY
9:51 PM just switched to sauvignon blanc
dats french for "french phokk whitey sense of entitlement"
9:52 PM me: how many bottles you got open dere?
9:53 PM Kevin: are we counting empties or just ones wif stuff in em?
9:54 PM just finished da boom boom i opened last night
not even midnight yet
what was i to do?
me: yeah, sounds like a no-brainer, which is a good pfing in yer case
9:55 PM Kevin: the anvil waits: now misch vs joe smiff in SF
i am a big believer in da no brainz
9:56 PM Kevin: theoretically a baseball game could go on forever -- they are testing that notion
9:58 PM me: Padres now officially getting pummeled
9:59 PM Kevin: prollaby shutna brought in che guevara
me: er, no...
10:05 PM Kevin: the fact of the matter is that i am fullashit
10:06 PM you have to give senator clinton a lot of credit for being gracious and sincere
me: yes....?
Kevin: the shillary shill on cnn
the fuckin thing SUCKS
10:07 PM me: I'LL DO IT LIVE!
Kevin: will you write it?
Kevin: deres a black guy shilling for mcbush
the war is not going badly
me: dere's one of dem Uncle Tom's on msnbc, too
10:09 PM Kevin: you cant even do it on tape why would i let you do it live you troglodye homunculus
me: FUCK YOU! I'm going to take off my sports jacket!!
Kevin: oooh
10:10 PM me: Throw my pen, too!!
Kevin: will you snort?
Kevin: thank you
10:11 PM that was very alpha-male
Kevin: arianna huffington prattling on about arnold ziffel again
me: whu?
Kevin: arnold ziffel this arnold ziffel that
you know, the pig on green acres
10:12 PM me: oh - is she on drugs?
Kevin: no but i am
hillary -- go phokk yourself already
me: we knew dat
Kevin: hillary clinton dot com -- tell her what a phokking bushian leech she is
10:13 PM she is very gracious
its not about her
me: Montana smarter than South Dakota - whoulda thunk it?
Kevin: its about her supporters
10:14 PM its about the billions -- no, trillions -- of people who voted for her
10:15 PM me: George "TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS" Will on Colbert tonight....
10:16 PM Kevin: dats a natural fit -- he's a funny funny man
very engaging
me: man of the people
Kevin: warm
10:17 PM me: speaking of assholes: David Brooks
Obama needs to work on the "salad bar at Applebees vote"
Kevin: there it is!
this year's fulcrum
10:18 PM is there grilled chicken on that salad?
because we're not talking to any vegetarians
me: only thing is: there is no salad bar at Applebees
Kevin: shit
10:19 PM well they need to get one now
the coors light can has a special venting device, in case you're buying beer any time soon
10:20 PM that helps to mask the yak piss flavor
10:22 PM me: no idea whut yer talking about, but we're still gonna pass
finally some good news: Duncan D. Hunter has won the Republican primary to compete for his father's House seat in November.
10:23 PM Kevin: that is heartwarmingh
10:26 PM well then...
10:27 PM perhaps it really is bedtime
or i might just be pathetically weak
bluestem in SIXTH
see also: the end times
10:28 PM me: see also: Cubs best record in baseball
Kevin: yes
10:29 PM see also: black man thinking he's going to be elected president by the same troglodyte humonculi who voted bush in twice
10:30 PM although your example is probably even more far-fetched
i see dead people

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

First Dick, now...

this oughta fix everything

Beware the Ides of National Homeownership Month

finally, some good news

"Climate change is projected to lead to fewer deaths from cold exposure."

-- From that report that was supposed to come out in 2004

Next to the VP

I am hoping our long national nightmare is over tonight. Or I would settle for sometime tomorrow.

Does anyone have any thoughts on VP? I am hearing a lot about Jim Webb. He won't make jokes about West Virginia.

When was the Phillipines primary? Panama? Wake Island?

give us your tired, your poor, your... ah, screw it

News Item: Arthur Mkoyan, 17, earns a 4.0 grade average and is named valedictorian at Bullard High School in Fresno, Calif.

News Item: Arthur Mkoyan and his mother are notified they will be deported back to Armenia this month because they have been denied asylum after years of appeals.

More excellent work from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

We don't want his kind here.

American Ingenuity (cont)

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

maybe OJ can find the real killer

40 years after RFK's death, questions linger

there is probably an interesting story behind that

U.S. District of Massachusetts federal bankruptcy Judge Robert Somma, who tried to rescind his resignation tendered after a drunk driving arrest, will not return to the bench. Somma was arrested Feb. 6, while wearing a cocktail dress and high heels, according to Associated Press reports.

Monday, June 2, 2008

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

7:41 PM me: Notre Dame: AWFUL
7:42 PM Kevin: they SUCK
jay bruce: unhinged
me: ultimate morons
7:43 PM Kevin:
Jay Bruce went 2-for-4 with a home run as the Reds lost to the Phillies on Monday night.
Bruce also scored on an Adam Dunn double. After his first week in the big leagues, Bruce (FANT!) is hitting .577 with three home runs, seven RBI and 12 runs. For comparison's sake, Corey Patterson (AWFUL!) was hitting .200 with four homers, 13 RBI and 21 runs in 45 games before getting demoted.
7:44 PM why didn't ND just go all theway and hire Cookie?
me: did i mention that he's a FANT?
Kevin: no
me: Cookie should have applied...what a dope
7:45 PM Ollie "HE SUCKS" Perez: AWFUL
7:46 PM 6 runs allowed in the 1st TO THE GIANTS and counting.......................
i blame YOU
Kevin: sweet lord
me: Brian "WHO?" Hurwitz homered
7:47 PM Kevin: THE WEEK AHEAD (Jun 1)
The Week Ahead takes a look at Oliver Perez's solid match-ups, which should have him dancing with excitement.
tag under "forecasts"
7:48 PM me: yeah, saw dat. idiots.
Kevin: chix need an OF. know which available OF has most RBIs?
me: he GUONE. 6 runs, 1 out
7:49 PM Whowitz?
Kevin: jason michaels, who is also "slugging" .319
7:50 PM 2nd is a tie: eric bruntlett, who is "slugging> .333 and darin erstad, who is "darin erstad"
me: looking like J-Mike
7:51 PM Kevin: KO bringin it to the radio fascists with blood on thier hands\
me: KO on the radio?
Kevin: no KO's worser dude was a radio fascist
7:52 PM unconscionalbe bladfaced lying from rupert murdoch
7:54 PM
The Miami Herald reports that Josh Willingham (SUCKS) "isn't sounding overly optimistic" about his return from the disabled list. Willingham has been out since late April and has yet to even take batting practice. He also stopped breathing five days ago. The newspaper speculates that he may eventually require surgery to repair a herniated disk and total brain death.
that dont sound so good
7:55 PM me: wouldn't want to be him
7:56 PM Kevin:
Ryan Doumit (SUCKS) caught a full bullpen session and hit off a tee Sunday.
"It felt great," Doumit said. "I feel like I am days away, really. I felt game-ready catching today. There was one pitch I felt that jammed it a little bit but the next pitch, the pain went away and Jesus came and the wheel in the sky turned within another whell and shit like that. So there is not staying power with the pain, and also the total absence of brain function, so that's good."
7:57 PM me: sounds bad
7:58 PM Kevin: kinda
7:59 PM harold ickes -- GARGANTUALLY fullashit with shit coming out of his nose
me: i'd like to see dat
Kevin: its on the tv
ohhhhhh... you missed it
8:00 PM me: she's got more votes based on our count, therefore, she wins
haven't watched KO yet
Kevin: she's won all the states with the vowels and the consonants
8:02 PM bill clinton: irredeemable gasbag
also: unhinged
don't forget: fullashit
8:03 PM me: are you watching the Asshole Channel?
Kevin: msnbc (wid da tarrists)
8:04 PM me: just heard it on ESPN: "Lipscomb eliminated"
Kevin: even gubnor nutsack phinks its over
eliminated from the lipscomb invitational?
8:05 PM me: some baseball sumpfing
8:06 PM Cubs losing to the Padres: can you say June Swoon?
Kevin: the padres are professional hitters
8:07 PM me: yes, AA is professional
8:08 PM Kevin: 6. Elijah Dukes – OF – WAS - If your fantasy team has become complacent, and you want to freak your players out by adding a wild card to the mix, Dukes is just the guy for you. With Austin Kearns on the disabled list, Dukes has a few weeks to prove that he deserves to be a regular in Washington's lineup. So far he's gone 5-for-19 with four runs scored and just one RBI, but Dukes has tremendous talent so it's worth gambling on him.
Recommendation: Worth a flier in shit-blowing-up-only leagues
8:09 PM me: he's also phokking INSANE
Kevin: in udder words a chicken
8:10 PM me: J-Mike hit a granny tonight
Kevin: duck and cover: pedro vs zito tomorrow night
me: end times
8:11 PM shirazez? i got a Jacob's Creek. old skool.
Kevin: phokking merlot
8:12 PM me: merlot SUCKS
ESPN reports: Has Ozzie gone too far?
8:13 PM Kevin: i'm saving the BOOM BOOM! washington state syrah for a special occasion, like obama locking it up or the world ending
ozzie could never go too far. the farther he goes, the closer he gets
8:14 PM me: hard to say which of these events will happen first
Hillary: "It ain't over till it's over."
Kevin: well we all remember rfk was assassinated in june
8:15 PM hint hint HIIIIIIIINT
8:16 PM me: Edmonds: RBI DOUBLE. Proven: VETERAN.
8:18 PM Big Z: RBI TRIPLE. Crazy: MAN.
Kevin: it would be delightful if the chix could pick edmonds up but he is shockingly not available
8:19 PM me: shocking
8:20 PM Kevin:
Manager Bruce Bochy said Saturday it might be a couple weeks before Merkin Valdez rejoins the Giants, as he'll need to make a few rehab appearances. Valdez is on the DL with SUCKS and is only one year removed from Tommy John surgery. Any soreness could mean a setback, as the Giants should play it safe with him. He also died yesterday.
8:21 PM me: RIP
looking into phil gramm's eyes is like looking into the eyes of a chicken
8:24 PM hearing him talk is like hearing the gurgling of the primoridal oooze
me: well, he is a plutocrat and a lobbyist
8:25 PM Kevin: pretty good life for a man who was born with an empty cranium (except for the squirrel pellets)
me: yes
8:26 PM Kevin: gary bauer - gigantic moron
8:27 PM brains of a ferret... a really stupid one
me: Hillary: another lopsided win, ahead in the popular vote, slightly behind in delegates...
Kevin: she won all the states with the stuff that is good
she won the most votes -- do you believe in democracy or not?
8:28 PM me: guns, squirrels, racists...
Kevin: harold ickes, for one, is stunned, that we have the gall and the HOOOOTZPAH to subsitute their judgment for those of the voters
he also has shit dripping out of his ears
kinda gross
8:29 PM scott mclellan on hardball next
me: isn't he one of the @holes who set the system up?
Kevin: see also: shit blowing up (still) (thanks scott)
ikkies? yest
8:30 PM me: Travis Buck: .165 - now batting 5th for da Cherries (see: SUCKING)
Kevin: scott feels bad now. see also: shit blowing up for another 20 yrs or so followed by the world ending and shit. but its ok cuz he changed his mind
8:31 PM me: 20 more years of this CRAP?
Kevin: if yer lucky commie
trabbis SUCKDS
brainzzz go bang-byew
me: your pick, not mine
Kevin: thanks
8:32 PM i had forgotten
me: speaking of empty craniums...
Kevin: speaking of elbows going bang-bye
SHOCKING news on mark prior condition
8:33 PM me: yeah, i mean, he's still leading in the popular vote
Kevin: yes
he's had all the big arm injuries
8:34 PM scott: the rezzidunce is very moved on days like this
me: ALL of them
Kevin: yes
8:35 PM me: very moved...his bowels?
Kevin: out his ears
8:36 PM da rezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzidunce loves da peoples
he woont wanna blow em all up an shit
me: yes, he loves them to death
Kevin: yers
me: zzzzzzzzzzz
8:37 PM Kevin: possibly
me: up for LA: Danny Ardoin: French Phokk
Kevin: no question
8:38 PM i keep forgetting that we already accomplished our mission... good to get that reminder now and again
oh and we were greeted as libraaaaators
me: breaking news: Ollie Perez has been inhumanely destroyed in the clubouse
Kevin: clubbed like a baby seal?
8:39 PM me: too good for him
8:40 PM Kevin: scott: still a shitball. and i aint buying his book
see also: yooooge piles of dead people
he sees them
8:41 PM me: McBush III?
Kevin: i'm telling you right now godfuckingdammit... buffalo grove kollyforniya phokking merlot... write it down, commit it to memory AND PRINT IT
8:42 PM saddam is about to attack us (see also:mushroom cloud) and condi: slso fullashit
me: how many bottles have you had?
Kevin: he will hurl mushroom clouds from the grave
8:43 PM it's good for your heart and shit
saddam was a bad man
8:44 PM me: not a wine drinker, Saddam? he's kinda dead
Kevin: chix still dont have an outfielder
i've been sitting here two hours looking for one
sweet lord...
me: So?
Kevin: good point DICK
8:45 PM me: here to help
i mean...So...TagOOOOOOOCHEEEE
8:46 PM Kevin: thanks... it's all so clear now
i dont know which i like more, the 559 ops or the decapitating ceiling
8:47 PM me: Chris Snelling activated today...
Kevin: i should mention -- the ceiling would decapitate a midget
me: si, senor
8:48 PM Kevin: Our View
Based on Snelling's history, the over/under on his return to the DL is 15 days.
sounds like a chixxxzzzz
replaces tj "rhymes with" bone
me: yesxz
8:49 PM Kevin: white house iraq group - WHIG - get used to it
will go down in history with other great war criminals
8:50 PM me: YAY!
Kevin: yes! we are blowing shit up! regardless of where the shit lands, how can that be bad?
8:51 PM cia hates scooter and dick dick dick dick dick... when will we capture and kill them?
dissent is communism
8:52 PM communism is bad btw...
8:53 PM his name is SCOOOTER for phokks sake? how can he be the bad guy? wake up america!
8:54 PM the flying nun has kids and takes a boner pill,,, now i know i'm losing it...
8:55 PM boniva? sounds degenerate
me: a nun with a boner?????
Kevin: and KIDS! god is angry my friends...
8:57 PM me: our best senator, Robert Byrd, in da hospital
Kevin: cant be good since he is 125 years old
8:58 PM alright alright ALRIGHT... da boom boom is delicious... but i still prefer the phokking merlot
8:59 PM i would hate to think we will never have senator byrd go up against ted stevens in another coot-off
me: opened boom boom? end of the world later tonight?
Kevin: so it would seem
dont say you wuzznt warned
9:00 PM heres a good name for a book by a republican: whu happen????
9:01 PM me: vol 2: Shit Blowing Up
Kevin: vol.3 - we hatesez them (cont'd)
me: Rupert Murdoch: also a pirate
9:02 PM Kevin: vol.4 we are in shackles in a dark dank dungeon
vol.5 we love dick dick dick dick dick dick dick cheney!
me: this just in: Padres still SUCK
Kevin: veteran presence
6 minutes
9:09 PM me: DICK makes an incest joke about West Virginia? must be HIGH-LARRY-US
5 minutes
9:14 PM Kevin: herro?
9:15 PM bows of horry?
9:16 PM i can haz yet annudder cheezburger?
9:17 PM me: dude, how many times i gotta tell ya: Hillary has the most votes!
Kevin: is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Kevin: i phink so! i betcha da bitter white incest voters had en espatial affinity ta dis one is offline and can't receive messages right now.
Sent at 11:10 PM on Monday
my phokking ASS
war kittens?
me: not offline - someone is FULLASHIT
9:18 PM Kevin: i like television. it amuses me
see also: da brain deadness
and: chix suck
9:19 PM me: tv: internets: wine: brain deadness: chix sucking: you are set
Kevin: phanks... everyding is right wif da whirld
9:20 PM in dat case i can go to sleep now and have yet anuudder cheezburger
me: Bill Clinton called a reporter sleezy and dishonest
see: pot: kettle
Kevin: yes and he should know... he sets the standard
see: tea receptacle
9:21 PM and the kicker is: we're all dead (soon)
me: YAY
Kevin: i phink so
me: we won't have to go to fucking ALA
9:22 PM Kevin: dat wud be totally kickass
i will sleep well knowing that we are all dead before ALA
me: we can still dream, right?
9:23 PM Kevin: dat wud take da heat off da chix finding an outfielder too
our dreams are our most precious resources (not)
me: will Harold Ickes be dead, too?
9:24 PM Kevin: i guarantee it
me: YAY
Kevin: ickys? iew...
9:25 PM me: Edmonds: anudder rbi double, cont. to stuff it up the Padres' ASS
Kevin: in da afterlife, everyone will be totally phokking sorry goddamit'
9:26 PM phokk dem
okarie-dokarie... i am off to dream of bors of horry...
9:27 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me: fararararazzz
Kevin: yes

[Dick's "joke": "There are Cheneys on both sides of the family, and we don't even live in West Virginia. (...laughs at self...) You can say those things when you're not running for re-election. (...laughs again...)

Nope, the Cheneys are from Wyoming - where they fuck cows.]

tough times for plutocrats (cont'd)

It’s Not So Easy Being Less Rich
NYT June 1, 2008

NANCY CHEMTOB, a divorce lawyer in Manhattan, has found that her days have become crammed seeing clients, all worried about how an economic downturn will affect their marriages.

They seem to have nothing to fret about: their net worths range from $5 million to $1 billion. A blip in the markets shouldn’t send their chateau-size Park Avenue co-ops to foreclosure or exile them to Payless Shoes.

But Ms. Chemtob’s clients are concerned all the same, she said, because their incomes have shrunk, say, to $2 million a year from $8 million, and they know that their 2008 bonus checks are likely to be much less impressive.

One of her clients recently confessed that his net worth had decreased to $8 million from more than $20 million, and he thinks that his wife will leave him. He has hidden their fall in fortune by taking on debt to pay for her extravagant clothes and vacations.

“I literally had to sit there and tell him that he had to tell his wife that she had to stop spending,” she said. “He was actually scared she would leave him because their financial situation changed so drastically.”

Interviews with the people who actually see the bank statements, like divorce lawyers and lenders, say their clients are definitely living on less than they did a year ago, regardless of how expansive the definition of “less” may be. Hairstylists and private jet rental companies say the wealthy are cutting back on luxuries like $350 highlights and $10,000-an-hour jet rentals. Even nutritionists and personal trainers notice a problem. The wealthy are eating more and gaining weight because of the stress.

THEIR spouses could leave them when they discover that their net worth has collapsed to eight figures from nine. Friends and business associates could avoid them as they pass their lunchtime tables at Barney’s or the Four Seasons. And these snubs could trickle down to their children.

“They fear their kids won’t get invited to the right birthday parties,” said Michele Kleier, an Upper East Side-based real estate broker. “If they have to give up things that are invisible, they’re O.K. as long as they don’t have give up things visible to the outside world.”

So New York’s very wealthy are addressing their distress in discreet and often awkward ways. They try to move their $165 sessions with personal trainers to a time slot that they know is already taken. They agree to tour multimillion-dollar apartments and then say the spaces don’t match their specifications. They apply for a line of credit before art auctions, supposedly to buy a painting or a sculpture, but use that borrowed money to pay other debts.

Other wealthy clients are cutting luxuries that they think their friends and relatives won’t notice, according to Mr. Del Gatto of Circa. At Circa’s midtown offices, he said, the seven consultation rooms have been busy with customers selling their precious gems. Some older couples, he said, are selling estate jewelry to help support their children who have lost Wall Street jobs. Bankers are paring down their collections of Patek Philippe watches. Wives from Greenwich and Scarsdale are selling 2-carat to 35-carat single-stone diamond rings. One recent client explained to Mr. Del Gatto that she was selling $2 million in diamonds she rarely wore, because her friends wouldn’t notice that they were gone.

“She said, ‘If I sold my Bentley or my important art, they would notice,’ ” he said. “That we hear, in differing examples, every day.”

Justin Sullivan, managing director of Regent Jet, which leases private airplanes, said most clients in real estate and on Wall Street are switching to chartered jets over private jets, and cutting their flight budgets by about 25 percent. One New York real estate developer cut his budget to less than $250,000 a year from $1.5 million a year.

“A year ago, he would have only flown Gulfstreams,” Mr. Sullivan said. “Now it’s moving to the point where he’s flying Beech jets and Learjets.”

Some wealthy New Yorkers are even cutting back on relatively smaller things. At J Sisters, a midtown Manhattan salon where celebrities like Naomi Campbell and Gwyneth Paltrow mingle with Wall Street clients, stylists and colorists say they hear about money worries all day. On a spring afternoon, a half-dozen hairstylists to the very wealthy talked about how customers are stretching their $350 highlights and $150 haircuts to every eight weeks instead of six weeks. Some women are cutting out highlights entirely, saying they would “rather be brunettes.”

Clay Burwell, a personal trainer to many Wall Street executives, said that his clients were also feeling the toll. A year of eating more, drinking more and working longer hours has started to hurt their health.

“They come into the gym with a dark storm cloud over their head,” he said. “They look like hell.”

Whitey taking moral high ground (cont)

Mugabe, Ahmadinejad slammed for attending U.N. summit

The European Union has a longstanding travel ban on Mugabe but since the FAO summit is taking place under a United Nations umbrella, he has been invited to the conference along with Ahmadinejad and around 40 other world leaders.

I swear, it's as if they invite those they hate so they have somebody else to talk about and attack and distract from the real purpose of the meeting, out of which nothing would have come anyway. JUST DON'T INVITE THEM! Udderwise, in da words of KO, SHUT THE HELL UP!

Supreme Court to MLB: nice try dorkwads

High Court Rejects Fantasy Baseball Case

By Robert Barnes
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, June 2, 2008; 2:20 PM

The Supreme Court today rejected a request to settle a dispute between Major League Baseball and fantasy baseball leagues that have grown rapidly on the Internet.

The justices, without comment, decided not to hear the appeal from baseball, leaving intact a lower court ruling that sports companies do not need the league's approval to use players' names and statistics.

The league said it and the players have the right to control the use of players' names in what the petition said has become a $1.5 billion fantasy sports industry. But lower courts said the Web sites had a First Amendment right to publish information about the players' performances on the field, just as the media do.

In fantasy leagues, participants "draft" players to form their own teams, and their success depends on the real-life performances of the players on the field.

Bush to future generations: phokk you kids

Bush weighs in against Senate climate bill

WASHINGTON (AP) – President Bush weighed in Monday against a Senate bill that would require dramatic cuts in climate-changing greenhouse pollution, cautioning senators "to be very careful about running up enormous costs for future generations of Americans."

The Senate climate bill expected to be debated much of this week would cut emissions of carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels and other greenhouse gases by about 70 percent over the next four decades. The bill targets power plants, refineries, factories and transportation.

Supporters argue that the shift away from fossil fuels can be made without significant economic damage and that failure to address global warming itself would produce greater economic harm later this century.

Bush, during a White House event that focused on keeping taxes low, said the Senate bill "would impose roughly $6 trillion in new costs on the American economy." The president in the past has expressed opposition to mandatory limits on carbon dioxide and other pollution linked to global warming.

“There's a much better way to address the environment than imposing these costs ... which will ultimately have to be borne by American consumers,” said Bush, who has favored voluntary efforts and technology innovation to address global warming.

White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said Bush would veto the bill as it stands, but said it seems unlikely the legislation would clear the Senate anyway.

Bush, meanwhile, did not say how the $6 trillion figure he cited was arrived at.

The Plutocracy is Speaking: it is saying you probably suck

At St. Viator the dumb kids (I was one of them) went to directional state schools or the University of Illinois. It seemed like a lot of St. Viator graduates went to Notre Dame. Good stuff, and loans easy to get. When I graduated we all expected to get good grant money and most of us did. I'm not talking about scholarships. I'm talking about this thing we used to have called PELL Grants. It was awesome.

Anyway, at Irving, a lot of my students, if they end up in college at all (we are the proud owners of a 50% graduation rate) - end up at places like BMCC, BCC or some other "CC" - when they don't, they're often at places like City College, or York College - schools not known for their standings in the U.S. News and World Report annual manipulation of academic statistics. A few of my students, over the years, have had to look in certain directions away from the top schools they have gotten into because of the problems in securing financial aid - this is another story about how my students are again getting the short end of the stick. But you know, it's a level playing field because this is America. At 2:30 in the morning these are the things that suddenly get me really upset to the point of tears. They shouldn't be given up on. There should be money somehow, or funding. The ones that make it out deserve more help than they're getting, and it's costing them. I don't give a fuck about free market or the sanity of such decisions by the banks in this particular climate or with particular rates of return - these students have been short-changed going back to the time they were four or five years old. At some point, they deserve something more than another kick in the ass - then again, some of these "universities" don't really offer much.

Nelnet, which has pledged to keep its doors open to poorer students - is a horrible, horrible lender - more predatory than most of them.

Student Loans Start to Bypass 2-Year Colleges
Published: June 2, 2008

Some of the nation’s biggest banks have closed their doors to students at community colleges, for-profit universities and other less competitive institutions, even as they continue to extend federally backed loans to students at the nation’s top universities.

Citibank has been among the most aggressive in paring the list of colleges it serves. JPMorgan Chase, PNC and SunTrust say they have not dropped whole categories, but are cutting colleges as well. Some less-selective four-year colleges, like Eastern Oregon University and William Jessup University in Rocklin, Calif., say they have been summarily dropped by some lenders.

The practice suggests that if the credit crisis and the ensuing turmoil in the student loan business persist, some of the nation’s neediest students will be hurt the most. The difficulty borrowing may deter them from attending school or prompt them to take a semester off. When they get student loans, they will wind up with less attractive terms and may run a greater risk of default if they have to switch lenders in the middle of their college years.

Tuition and loan amounts can be quite small at community colleges. But these institutions, which are a stepping stone to other educational programs or to better jobs, often draw students from the lower rungs of the economic ladder. More than 6.2 million of the nation’s 14.8 million undergraduates — over 40 percent — attend community colleges. According to the most recent data from the College Board, about a third of their graduates took out loans, a majority of them federally guaranteed.

“If we put too many hurdles in their way to get a loan, they’ll take a third job or use a credit card,” said Jacqueline K. Bradley, assistant dean for financial aid at Mendocino College in California. “That almost guarantees that they won’t be as successful in their college career.”

So far, financial aid administrators say they have been able to find fallback lenders that students can switch to, but the hurdles are costly to students — in money and time. The maximum interest rate on federal loans, now at 6.8 percent on the most commonly used loans, is set by Congress, but lenders are scrapping benefits, like rate cuts for borrowers who make their payments on time or allow direct withdrawals from bank accounts.

Some loan companies have exited the student loan business entirely, viewing it as unprofitable in the current environment. By splitting out community colleges and less-selective four-year institutions, some remaining lenders seem to be breaking the marketplace into tiers. Students attending elite, expensive, public and private four-year universities can expect loans to remain plentiful. The banks generally say these loans are bigger, more profitable and less risky, in part perhaps because the banks expect the universities’ graduates to earn more.

Lenders will not say how many colleges they have dropped, making it hard to determine just how many institutions have been affected. Although financial aid administrators say the trend is widespread, they are often reluctant to identify which lenders have stopped serving their colleges, for fear that it will complicate matters for current students who have taken out loans from those lenders and still need to deal with them.

Michelle McClain, 40, who is studying to become a teacher, learned on Friday that she would have to find a new lender after Citibank dropped William Jessup University. The news angered her.

“The loan is between me and the lender,” Ms. McClain said. “I’m the one that’s taking out the loan, I’m the one whose credit is in jeopardy if I don’t pay it, I am the one totally responsible for the loan, and as long as I’m going to an accredited college, I don’t understand why it would make one iota of difference where I am going to college.”

The government has been taking additional steps to keep the student loan market operating smoothly. And some lenders’ doors remain wide open. Sallie Mae and Nelnet recently reaffirmed their commitment to federal loans regardless of the institution a student attends. Kristin Shear, director of student financial services at Santa Rosa Junior College, said that days after the school was dropped by Citibank, Wells Fargo called to say it was eager to lend to students there.

The banks that are pulling out say their decisions are based on an analysis of which colleges have higher default rates, low numbers of borrowers and small loan amounts that make the business less profitable. (The average amount borrowed by community college students is about $3,200 a year, according to the College Board.) Still, the cherry-picking strikes some as peculiar; after all, the government is guaranteeing 95 percent of the value of these loans.

Mark C. Rodgers, a spokesman for Citibank, which lends through its Student Loan Corporation unit, said the bank had “temporarily suspended lending at schools which tend to have loans with lower balances and shorter periods over which we earn interest. And, in general, we are suspending lending at certain schools where we anticipate processing minimal loan volume.”

Financial aid officials in California said that Citibank had stopped making loans to students at all community colleges in the state. Mr. Rodgers said the bank would not provide details about which schools were affected.

The financial aid director at William Jessup, Korey Compaan, said he did not understand the bank’s explanation.

“The logic is so flawed, that for us to have volume with them in the future, we have to have had volume with them in the past,” Mr. Compaan said. Simply to cut off students at a college, he continued, “I find it totally and completely unethical.”

The government sets the criteria for college participation in federal loan programs, requiring that colleges be accredited and have low default rates to participate, for example. Now lenders are being more selective than the government.

“There’s been a certain amount of market segmentation going on, but this is the first time we’ve seen a lender, especially as large as Citibank, saying, ‘We don’t want to do business with you,’ ” said Samuel F. Collie, director of financial aid at Eastern Oregon University in La Grande, Ore.

“There’s a fundamental issue of fairness and equity that’s certainly not being addressed in this,” Mr. Collie said. “But short of completely revamping the way that financial aid, especially loans, is being delivered to students in this country, I don’t know that we have any easy answers.”

The credit crisis, which has made it harder for some lenders to raise money, and a reduction in the government’s subsidy to lenders have contributed to the reevaluations by the lenders.

“This is one of those perfect storm situations,” said Susan L. Mead, director of financial aid at Dutchess Community College in New York. She said her institution had been dropped by no less than six lenders: HSBC, Citibank, M&T, Chase, Citizens Bank and Student Loan Xpress.

Christine Holevas, a spokeswoman for Chase, said that the bank considered several factors in deciding whether to lend to a particular college’s students. “The repayment rate, you look at the size and length of the loan,” she said. “We have tightened credit standards, yes, but we haven’t cut off any category of school.”

Hugh Suhr, a spokesman for SunTrust, said it was “stepping away from some relationships” with universities, but that this was “not based on any particular type of school.” Mr. Suhr said the bank continued to lend to students at a range of institutions.

Another danger for students is that as they are forced to find and switch to replacement lenders, they may lose track of some debt obligations and miss a few payments.

“It might put them in default,” said Claudia Martin, director of financial aid at Monterey Peninsula College, a community college in California that was dropped by Citibank and two other lenders. “We always recommend that a student stay with the same lender all through school.”

Commercial colleges, among the first to suffer when lenders withdrew from the market, have been openly critical of the new differentiation.

“From what I can tell from our lawyers, it’s not technically illegal for them to reject schools,” said Harris N. Miller, the president of the Career College Association in Washington, a trade group for commercial colleges. “I just think that’s very objectionable.”

Space Chimps: fact, fiction, video game

Supposed to be finishing the grading of the'll have to wait. I've been thinking about monkeys in space while listening to A Silver Mt. Zion - I'm all trippy:

The Legacy of Space Chimps
By Jeremy Hsu
posted: 30 May 2008
7:02 am ET

Chimps may represent the forgotten link in the evolution of human spaceflight

A new documentary and a separate upcoming animated film both hearken to the early days of the U.S. space program, when chimpanzees preceded men into the great unknown of space.

"Most people don't really want to acknowledge the chimpanzee missions as particularly historic," said David Cassidy, director and producer of the documentary "One Small Step: The Story of the Space Chimps."

But when Cassidy dug up footage of the U.S. Air Force's chimp program from the national archives and other sources, he also found press reels celebrating the exploits of the space chimps Ham and Enos. Ham paved the way for the first American to ever fly in space, Alan Shepherd, and Enos flew before just before John Glenn orbited the Earth.

Film footage reveals a time when the infant U.S. space program struggled to successfully launch rockets, let alone humans. That prompted the Air Force to train a group of chimps to test the physical effects of launch and spaceflight.

The documentary includes interviews with Ham's handler, who fondly recalled the chimp as "a sociable little guy" who adored the people around him. By contrast, Enos tended to give humans the cold shoulder.

Cassidy does not skimp on the darker side of the space chimp story. Some scenes that make for hard viewing include decompression sled tests which caused brain damage in chimps and human volunteers alike, as noted in the film by an Air Force physiologist. Chimp training appears to have involved a combination of rewards, such as juice sips, and punishment through electric shocks.

The act of chimp spaceflight was no laughing matter, either. Ham's apparent grin of happiness upon his return to Earth actually signified "the most extreme fear" through his baring of teeth, according to the film's interview with renowned biologist Jane Goodall.

However, Cassidy pointed out that people were just beginning to understand the intelligence and capabilities of chimpanzees in the 1960s.

"Most of the humans involved in the program grew very attached to the chimps and treated them very decently," Cassidy told

That did not prevent the Air Force from eventually putting its chimp colony up for sale after the first successful human spaceflight missions. Although Ham lived out the rest of his life at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. and the North Carolina Zoo in Asheboro, N.C., most chimps ended up at a biomedical research facility in Alamogordo, New Mexico.

Twenty one chimps were eventually rescued by Carole Noon, a biological anthropologist who sued the Air Force for custody and founded the Center for Captive Chimpanzee Care in Florida. The center now houses the largest chimp sanctuary in the world with over 135 residents.

Cassidy made the documentary after first hearing Noon's story, because he thought the chimps "need to be treated with a certain level of dignity" after their contributions to the U.S. space program. He pointed to the Russians, who unveiled a monument to Laika the space dog this past April.

"It's kind of fantastical when you think that we treated chimps like humans, trained them, dressed them up in space suits, and shot them up," Cassidy said. "You see how it can inspire an animated film."

That upcoming animated film "Space Chimps" takes a decidedly lighter tone with Ham III, the future grandson of Ham, and a crew of chimponauts blazing new trails for humanity by piloting a spacecraft through an inter-dimensional wormhole. They end up on a planet teeming with alien life and political intrigue — a mission outcome that scientists can only dream of.

A "Space Chimps" video game will also accompany the film's July 18 release, featuring single player and cooperative modes with plenty of simian acrobatics in colorful alien environments.

Perhaps chimps may one day play another role in dangerous space exploration, but they'll face stiff competition from robotic probes. Still, it's worth remembering that one small step into space that threw the doors open for human spaceflight.

"One Small Step: The Story of the Space Chimps" was directed and produced by David Cassidy, and is available at The "Space Chimps" animated film was produced by Vanguard Animation/Twentieth Century Fox, and will open in theaters on July 18. The "Space Chimps" video game will be released in July on PS2, X360, Wii, and NDS.