Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Brainz II: It's Only June (Anything Can Happen)

7:58 PM me: HOLY CRAP:
Kevin: oh no
me: Adam Eaton held the Reds to one run on three hits over 6 2/3 innings on Tuesday night as the Phillies went on to win 3-2. Pat Burrell's two-run homer in the sixth inning broke a 1-1 tie and put the Phils ahead for good. Eaton did not issue a walk and struck out five, tying a season high. Tonight's terrific outing was the second in a row for the Phillies right-hander, who tossed six innings of one-run ball his last time out.
7:59 PM Kevin: the public isnt ready for this
8:00 PM sox PUMMEL grinky
me: i know - awful
8:06 PM me: Terry McAuiliffe (your boy): Hillary Clinton would win the general election TODAY
8:07 PM Kevin: yeah and i would win the triple crown if i were in the major leagues
me: he's on the Daily SHow right now mocking himself (i think) hmmm, maybe not
Kevin: he should try it, it would be easy
8:12 PM me: LedeZZZZZma: shutting out the sCrUBS
Kevin: holy phokking shit
8:13 PM is there a helicoptor with an anvil hovering over the ballpark?
me: i can't see that far, but probably
8:16 PM Bedard: SUCKED
Kevin: inhumanely destroyed
8:17 PM me: like a duck?
Kevin: pretty much
8:19 PM me: Cubs score, floodgates next...
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
8:20 PM steel cleats must really SUCK to lose a three game series to da cherries
8:21 PM your boy campillo -- not so much
8:22 PM me: Uggla-Hummingbird-owned him tonight
Kevin: shillary is hemorraging superdelegates
of course, its all about da hummingbirds
8:23 PM me: i like the Cherries game where they Kd 19 times - and won
Kevin: suckathon
8:24 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: da boom boom
8:25 PM me: i gotsta $20 cab - celebrating BO and my promotion letter (fooled 'em)
8:26 PM Kevin: dat'll teach em
me: suckers
Kevin: yes
me: dey also shoulda known da risks
Kevin: you woulda phinked so
me: i also get a free lunch wif da head honcho
8:27 PM Kevin: rebecca?
me: no, da head head honcho - director
8:28 PM Kevin: knock back a few shots to show youre a regular (white) guy
me: yep - also try not to throw up on his suit
8:29 PM Kevin: excellent plan
8:33 PM is da cab worft twenty bucks?
8:34 PM me: it's tasty, but not werf $20
8:35 PM Zito v. Pedro: who dies first?
8:36 PM Kevin: why not both together?
8:37 PM me: works for me
8:38 PM Kevin: the gigantic asshole pat buchanan is bloviating on msnbc
me: i see dat
Kevin: what is wrong with obama that he isnt prezzzzident already?
me: why doesn't he just call him a nigger and be done with it
8:39 PM Kevin: why arent 200 million racist assholes like me in love with him already?
he's not bonding with nazi germany -- whats his prollem?
me: er, isn't Minnesota in middle America?
8:40 PM Kevin: nope -- its a psychic suburb of the upper east side
8:44 PM the media has annointed him
he's talking as if he were the nominee. i think it's presumptive, insulting, and frankly, just plain misogynist
why does he hate women?
8:45 PM me: it's sad, puzzling
8:49 PM speaking of which:
LedeWWWWma walks in run
Kevin: oy
thats not the ledezzzma we knew... wait... yes it is
8:52 PM me: SINGLE...anudder run
8:53 PM Kevin: on a happier note, zito finally came unraveled
8:54 PM me: ZZZ GUONE
Corey is in! (who?)
8:57 PM Kevin: mets - 8 runs in the 5th (and counting)
8:58 PM me: funny stuff
Kevin: yes
giants -- appalling
8:59 PM me: The Incredible Chulk!
Kevin: incredibly awful
9:00 PM me: Zito: only 5 earned
Kevin: a moral victory
9:01 PM chix put him on waivers and the woodstock nation claimed him
9:03 PM you know whats interesting? she won all the important votes. the ones he won were oddly secondary
9:10 PM me: wah roh: Pedro starting to SUCK
9:11 PM Kevin: puzzling...
9:12 PM me: Choo: HR
9:13 PM Tucker Carlson: Douchebag
Kevin: i'm on cnn -- gergen says we're winning hearts and minds
9:14 PM me: where?
9:16 PM Stephen Colbert tells graduates: Please don't change the world
9:17 PM Padres now losing thanks to a Soto (Monk!) BOMB
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:21 PM Kevin: gergen - wham in europe & canada - dey like our campaign (fools)
9:22 PM shillary - ASSHOLE
me: what did she do - speak?
9:27 PM Kevin: yes
lanny davis is a DICK
9:28 PM they're packing up the furniture lanny - go home
9:29 PM pedro gets a W for da chix - we'll take it
9:35 PM Kevin: arianna huffington is on cnn wondering why mr drucker is so mean to arnold ziffel
9:38 PM breaking news - shillary and barack just spoke on the phone
he probally agreed to be assassinated
it's june after all
9:39 PM me: anything can still happen
Kevin: we all remember what happened in june
she sees dead people (well one anyway)
9:41 PM brain-dead blonde mccain supporter on larry king.... like looking into the eyes of a chicken
9:42 PM my friends... i'm an asshole
(remember to smile)
(try not to act unhinged)
me: dude, he's MAVERICKIAN
Kevin: mccain - post-partisan
9:45 PM lanny - PHOKK YOU
dats a tasty syrah
me: lanny said dat?
9:46 PM Kevin: no i said dat to lanny - he was a bit taken aback
me: does he have 'the chicken eyes'?
9:47 PM Kevin: no he seems frighteninglylyly lucid
lanny vs the mccain chicken -- asshole vs asshole
me: it's a hole in...two
9:48 PM Kevin: YAY
9:51 PM just switched to sauvignon blanc
dats french for "french phokk whitey sense of entitlement"
9:52 PM me: how many bottles you got open dere?
9:53 PM Kevin: are we counting empties or just ones wif stuff in em?
9:54 PM just finished da boom boom i opened last night
not even midnight yet
what was i to do?
me: yeah, sounds like a no-brainer, which is a good pfing in yer case
9:55 PM Kevin: the anvil waits: now misch vs joe smiff in SF
i am a big believer in da no brainz
9:56 PM Kevin: theoretically a baseball game could go on forever -- they are testing that notion
9:58 PM me: Padres now officially getting pummeled
9:59 PM Kevin: prollaby shutna brought in che guevara
me: er, no...
10:05 PM Kevin: the fact of the matter is that i am fullashit
10:06 PM you have to give senator clinton a lot of credit for being gracious and sincere
me: yes....?
Kevin: the shillary shill on cnn
the fuckin thing SUCKS
10:07 PM me: I'LL DO IT LIVE!
Kevin: will you write it?
Kevin: deres a black guy shilling for mcbush
the war is not going badly
me: dere's one of dem Uncle Tom's on msnbc, too
10:09 PM Kevin: you cant even do it on tape why would i let you do it live you troglodye homunculus
me: FUCK YOU! I'm going to take off my sports jacket!!
Kevin: oooh
10:10 PM me: Throw my pen, too!!
Kevin: will you snort?
Kevin: thank you
10:11 PM that was very alpha-male
Kevin: arianna huffington prattling on about arnold ziffel again
me: whu?
Kevin: arnold ziffel this arnold ziffel that
you know, the pig on green acres
10:12 PM me: oh - is she on drugs?
Kevin: no but i am
hillary -- go phokk yourself already
me: we knew dat
Kevin: hillary clinton dot com -- tell her what a phokking bushian leech she is
10:13 PM she is very gracious
its not about her
me: Montana smarter than South Dakota - whoulda thunk it?
Kevin: its about her supporters
10:14 PM its about the billions -- no, trillions -- of people who voted for her
10:15 PM me: George "TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS" Will on Colbert tonight....
10:16 PM Kevin: dats a natural fit -- he's a funny funny man
very engaging
me: man of the people
Kevin: warm
10:17 PM me: speaking of assholes: David Brooks
Obama needs to work on the "salad bar at Applebees vote"
Kevin: there it is!
this year's fulcrum
10:18 PM is there grilled chicken on that salad?
because we're not talking to any vegetarians
me: only thing is: there is no salad bar at Applebees
Kevin: shit
10:19 PM well they need to get one now
the coors light can has a special venting device, in case you're buying beer any time soon
10:20 PM that helps to mask the yak piss flavor
10:22 PM me: no idea whut yer talking about, but we're still gonna pass
finally some good news: Duncan D. Hunter has won the Republican primary to compete for his father's House seat in November.
10:23 PM Kevin: that is heartwarmingh
10:26 PM well then...
10:27 PM perhaps it really is bedtime
or i might just be pathetically weak
bluestem in SIXTH
see also: the end times
10:28 PM me: see also: Cubs best record in baseball
Kevin: yes
10:29 PM see also: black man thinking he's going to be elected president by the same troglodyte humonculi who voted bush in twice
10:30 PM although your example is probably even more far-fetched
i see dead people


Fungster said...

On da one hand, seemed like dey were getting drunker and drunker as the conversation progressed.

On da udder hand, spelling was close to impeccable throughout the conversation. I dos believe we has a paradox here...

Corms said...

Deys was acting like deys was drunk, but deys wasnt drunk.