Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Brainz II: It's Only June (Anything Can Happen)
7:58 PM me: HOLY CRAP:
Kevin: oh no
me: Adam Eaton held the Reds to one run on three hits over 6 2/3 innings on Tuesday night as the Phillies went on to win 3-2. Pat Burrell's two-run homer in the sixth inning broke a 1-1 tie and put the Phils ahead for good. Eaton did not issue a walk and struck out five, tying a season high. Tonight's terrific outing was the second in a row for the Phillies right-hander, who tossed six innings of one-run ball his last time out.
7:59 PM Kevin: the public isnt ready for this
8:00 PM sox PUMMEL grinky
me: i know - awful
8:06 PM me: Terry McAuiliffe (your boy): Hillary Clinton would win the general election TODAY
8:07 PM Kevin: yeah and i would win the triple crown if i were in the major leagues
me: he's on the Daily SHow right now mocking himself (i think) hmmm, maybe not
Kevin: he should try it, it would be easy
8:12 PM me: LedeZZZZZma: shutting out the sCrUBS
Kevin: holy phokking shit
8:13 PM is there a helicoptor with an anvil hovering over the ballpark?
me: i can't see that far, but probably
8:16 PM Bedard: SUCKED
Kevin: inhumanely destroyed
8:17 PM me: like a duck?
Kevin: pretty much
8:19 PM me: Cubs score, floodgates next...
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
8:20 PM steel cleats must really SUCK to lose a three game series to da cherries
8:21 PM your boy campillo -- not so much
8:22 PM me: Uggla-Hummingbird-owned him tonight
Kevin: shillary is hemorraging superdelegates
of course, its all about da hummingbirds
8:23 PM me: i like the Cherries game where they Kd 19 times - and won
8:24 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: da boom boom
8:25 PM me: i gotsta $20 cab - celebrating BO and my promotion letter (fooled 'em)
8:26 PM Kevin: dat'll teach em
me: dey also shoulda known da risks
Kevin: you woulda phinked so
me: i also get a free lunch wif da head honcho
8:27 PM Kevin: rebecca?
me: no, da head head honcho - director
8:28 PM Kevin: knock back a few shots to show youre a regular (white) guy
me: yep - also try not to throw up on his suit
8:29 PM Kevin: excellent plan
8:33 PM is da cab worft twenty bucks?
8:34 PM me: it's tasty, but not werf $20
8:35 PM Zito v. Pedro: who dies first?
8:36 PM Kevin: why not both together?
8:37 PM me: works for me
8:38 PM Kevin: the gigantic asshole pat buchanan is bloviating on msnbc
me: i see dat
Kevin: what is wrong with obama that he isnt prezzzzident already?
me: why doesn't he just call him a nigger and be done with it
8:39 PM Kevin: why arent 200 million racist assholes like me in love with him already?
he's not bonding with nazi germany -- whats his prollem?
me: er, isn't Minnesota in middle America?
8:40 PM Kevin: nope -- its a psychic suburb of the upper east side
8:44 PM the media has annointed him
he's talking as if he were the nominee. i think it's presumptive, insulting, and frankly, just plain misogynist
why does he hate women?
8:45 PM me: it's sad, puzzling
8:49 PM speaking of which:
LedeWWWWma walks in run
thats not the ledezzzma we knew... wait... yes it is
8:52 PM me: SINGLE...anudder run
8:53 PM Kevin: on a happier note, zito finally came unraveled
8:54 PM me: ZZZ GUONE
Corey is in! (who?)
8:57 PM Kevin: mets - 8 runs in the 5th (and counting)
8:58 PM me: funny stuff
giants -- appalling
8:59 PM me: The Incredible Chulk!
Kevin: incredibly awful
9:00 PM me: Zito: only 5 earned
Kevin: a moral victory
9:01 PM chix put him on waivers and the woodstock nation claimed him
9:03 PM you know whats interesting? she won all the important votes. the ones he won were oddly secondary
9:10 PM me: wah roh: Pedro starting to SUCK
9:11 PM Kevin: puzzling...
9:12 PM me: Choo: HR
9:13 PM Tucker Carlson: Douchebag
Kevin: i'm on cnn -- gergen says we're winning hearts and minds
9:14 PM me: where?
9:16 PM Stephen Colbert tells graduates: Please don't change the world
9:17 PM Padres now losing thanks to a Soto (Monk!) BOMB
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:21 PM Kevin: gergen - wham in europe & canada - dey like our campaign (fools)
9:22 PM shillary - ASSHOLE
me: what did she do - speak?
9:27 PM Kevin: yes
lanny davis is a DICK
9:28 PM they're packing up the furniture lanny - go home
9:29 PM pedro gets a W for da chix - we'll take it
9:35 PM Kevin: arianna huffington is on cnn wondering why mr drucker is so mean to arnold ziffel
9:38 PM breaking news - shillary and barack just spoke on the phone
he probally agreed to be assassinated
it's june after all
9:39 PM me: anything can still happen
Kevin: we all remember what happened in june
she sees dead people (well one anyway)
9:41 PM brain-dead blonde mccain supporter on larry king.... like looking into the eyes of a chicken
9:42 PM my friends... i'm an asshole
(remember to smile)
(try not to act unhinged)
me: dude, he's MAVERICKIAN
Kevin: mccain - post-partisan
9:45 PM lanny - PHOKK YOU
dats a tasty syrah
me: lanny said dat?
9:46 PM Kevin: no i said dat to lanny - he was a bit taken aback
me: does he have 'the chicken eyes'?
9:47 PM Kevin: no he seems frighteninglylyly lucid
lanny vs the mccain chicken -- asshole vs asshole
me: it's a hole in...two
9:48 PM Kevin: YAY
9:51 PM just switched to sauvignon blanc
dats french for "french phokk whitey sense of entitlement"
9:52 PM me: how many bottles you got open dere?
9:53 PM Kevin: are we counting empties or just ones wif stuff in em?
9:54 PM just finished da boom boom i opened last night
not even midnight yet
what was i to do?
me: yeah, sounds like a no-brainer, which is a good pfing in yer case
9:55 PM Kevin: the anvil waits: now misch vs joe smiff in SF
i am a big believer in da no brainz
me: HYOOOGE EARFQUAKE IN SF
9:56 PM Kevin: theoretically a baseball game could go on forever -- they are testing that notion
9:58 PM me: Padres now officially getting pummeled
9:59 PM Kevin: prollaby shutna brought in che guevara
me: er, no...
10:05 PM Kevin: the fact of the matter is that i am fullashit
10:06 PM you have to give senator clinton a lot of credit for being gracious and sincere
Kevin: the shillary shill on cnn
the fuckin thing SUCKS
10:07 PM me: I'LL DO IT LIVE!
Kevin: will you write it?
10:08 PM me: FUCK YES - I'LL WRITE IT AND I'LL DO IT LIVE!!!
Kevin: deres a black guy shilling for mcbush
the war is not going badly
me: dere's one of dem Uncle Tom's on msnbc, too
10:09 PM Kevin: you cant even do it on tape why would i let you do it live you troglodye homunculus
me: FUCK YOU! I'm going to take off my sports jacket!!
10:10 PM me: Throw my pen, too!!
Kevin: will you snort?
Kevin: thank you
10:11 PM that was very alpha-male
me: THE FUCKING THING SUCKS!!!
Kevin: arianna huffington prattling on about arnold ziffel again
Kevin: arnold ziffel this arnold ziffel that
you know, the pig on green acres
10:12 PM me: oh - is she on drugs?
Kevin: no but i am
hillary -- go phokk yourself already
me: we knew dat
Kevin: hillary clinton dot com -- tell her what a phokking bushian leech she is
10:13 PM she is very gracious
its not about her
me: Montana smarter than South Dakota - whoulda thunk it?
Kevin: its about her supporters
10:14 PM its about the billions -- no, trillions -- of people who voted for her
10:15 PM me: George "TOTAL FUCKING JACKASS" Will on Colbert tonight....
10:16 PM Kevin: dats a natural fit -- he's a funny funny man
me: man of the people
10:17 PM me: speaking of assholes: David Brooks
Obama needs to work on the "salad bar at Applebees vote"
Kevin: there it is!
this year's fulcrum
10:18 PM is there grilled chicken on that salad?
because we're not talking to any vegetarians
me: only thing is: there is no salad bar at Applebees
10:19 PM well they need to get one now
the coors light can has a special venting device, in case you're buying beer any time soon
10:20 PM that helps to mask the yak piss flavor
10:22 PM me: no idea whut yer talking about, but we're still gonna pass
finally some good news: Duncan D. Hunter has won the Republican primary to compete for his father's House seat in November.
10:23 PM Kevin: that is heartwarmingh
10:26 PM well then...
10:27 PM perhaps it really is bedtime
or i might just be pathetically weak
bluestem in SIXTH
see also: the end times
10:28 PM me: see also: Cubs best record in baseball
10:29 PM see also: black man thinking he's going to be elected president by the same troglodyte humonculi who voted bush in twice
10:30 PM although your example is probably even more far-fetched
i see dead people