Was literally everyone else unavailable?

News item: World famous eater Kobayashi makes his first visit to Schaumburg for Boomers Opening Weekend.

Kobayashi is a professional eater who memorably challenged a Kodiak bear to a televised eating contest.

Did the bear know he was being challenged? Because I think if he did, he would have eaten Kobayashi.

In addition to Kobayashi’s appearance, the Boomers will be celebrating Opening Weekend with a one-of-a-kind Prairie Chicken Helmet Giveaway...

Okay, now I'm getting interested.
~

Was Todd Hollandsworth not available?

White Sox land Kotsay for Anderson
Veteran outfielder should provide help off the bench in Chicago

MINNEAPOLIS -- Brian Anderson got his wish to be traded, and in the process, the White Sox apparently have added a valuable veteran piece to their bench for the playoff push over the next two months.

Anderson, 27, was traded to Boston in exchange for Mark Kotsay and cash considerations on Tuesday. Kotsay, 33, is a .281 hitter with 110 home runs and 614 RBIs over 13 Major League seasons. He batted .257 with one homer and five RBIs in 27 games for the Red Sox in 2009 before being designated for assignment on July 24.

I realize this one late effort doesn't make it up to Smiff, but was Slash not available?

News item: Linkin Park guitarist chosen as UCLA commencement speaker

Where were K-Mad's commencement speaker reports this year?

Like "Larry the Cable Guy" at some community college in Texas?

Well, did anyone get a get as good as the "Idiocracy" guy? An UCSD alumnus, i might add:

Graduating seniors, graduate students, family members, friends and alumni are all invited to participate in the second annual All Campus Graduation Celebration on Friday, June 12, at 5 p.m. on RIMAC field. The campus-wide event will include an alumni grad mixer, picnic-style dinner, fireworks display and ceremony where Mike Judge, '85, an alumnus of UC San Diego and creator behind "Office Space" and "King of the Hill," will serve as keynote speaker.
~

Night of the Tiffees

Outfielders Matt LaPorta and Colby Rasmus were named to the U.S. Olympic Team on Wednesday. They'll be joined on the 23-man roster by C Lou Marson (Phillies), C Taylor Teagarden (Rangers), 3B-SS Brian Barden (Cardinals), 3B Matt Brown (Angels), SS Jason Donald (Phillies), 1B-3B Mike Hessman (Tigers), 3B Terry Tiffee (Dodgers), OF Dexter Fowler (Rockies) and OF John Gall (Marlins). The absence of true middle infielders is surprising. Chris Getz would have made sense as another option at second base instead of one of the redundant third basemen, with either Brown or Tiffee getting the axe. As is, we assume Donald will play second, with Barden at short. The pitchers are Brett Anderson (A’s), Jake Arrieta (Orioles), Trevor Cahill (A’s), Geno Espineli (Giants), Kevin Jepsen (Angels), Brandon Knight (Mets), Mike Koplove (Dodgers), Blaine Neal (Tigers), Clayton Richard (White Sox), Jeff Stevens (Indians), Casey Weathers (Rockies) and collegian Stephen Strasburg (San Diego State).

Well, he has been pitching great and needs the work...

Carlos Marmol will replace Kerry Wood on the NL All-Star roster. Wood had to bow out because of a blister on his right index finger. Marmol is 2-3 with a 4.13 ERA this season, but he does have 70 strikeouts in just 52 1/3 innings.
~

was Dorf unavailable?

Should Furman U. Faculty Be Forced to Attend Bush's Commencement Speech?

Furman University’s commencement speaker, President Bush, is drawing protests from faculty, student, and other critics who say he should not have been invited, and in response a group calling itself Conservative Students for a Better Tomorrow is urging the university to force faculty members to attend the ceremony, even if they would prefer to skip it.

Haven't they suffered enough? (cont'd)

Bush sets off for Middle East, unable to quell its troubles

[POST #3000: dat's a lot of crap.]

was Dorf unavailable?

Commencement Speakers

Bethany College (W. Va.)
Bethany, West Virginia
May 17, 2008
Bud Selig, commissioner of Major League Baseball

Bryant University
Smithfield, Rhode Island
May 17, 2008
George H.W. Bush, the former president of the United States, and begetter of idiot spawn The RezzzzziDUNCE George W. Bush

was Jerry Springer unavailable? oh... never mind...

Few commencement addresses are uplifting enough to remember much past the graduation parties, but at least one law school will have an unforgettable speaker this year.

Jerry Springer, famous tabloid television show host — but also the former mayor of Cincinnati and graduate of Northwestern University School of Law — is the school's commencement speaker. Dean David E. Van Zandt issued a statement noting that Springer has had "a very successful career in the news and entertainment industries."

was Dorf unavailable?

Saint Leo University
Saint Leo, Florida
May 03, 2008
Joe Garagiola Sr., former Major League Baseball catcher and broadcaster

was Bill Orally unavailable?

Commencement Speaker
Oral Roberts University
Tulsa, Oklahoma
May 03, 2008
Kelly Wright, Fox News correspondent

was Carrot Top unavailable?

2008 commencement speakers
Dan Marino, University of Pittsburgh, April 27
Bianca Jagger, Simmons College, May 17
Jay Bilas, Ohio Valley University, May 3
Star Jones, Lane College, April 27
Clarence Thomas, High Point University, May 3
Dana Perino, Colorado State University at Pueblo, May 3
The Rezzidunce George W. Bush, Furman University, May 31

was Kramer unavailable?

Commencement Speakers (cont'd)

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
June 15, 2007
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, star of The New Adventures of Old Christine on CBS

Rockland Community College
Suffern, New York
June 03, 2007
Fred Caruso, chief executive of Caruso Group International, a management firm
Nicholas (and Smiff Has) Hair, a graduating senior at the college

was Lima-Time not available?

Shocking that El Duque is injured...

According to WFAN in New York, Orlando Hernandez has been scratched from his scheduled start Monday because of shoulder tightness and is likely headed to the disasbled list.
Chan Ho Park will be called up from Triple-A to start in El Duque's place against the Marlins. Park was 3-1 in four starts at Triple-A, but with a 7.29 ERA and six homers allowed in 21 innings there he should be avoided at all costs.

was Kent Brockman unavailable?

Commenecement speakers
Lynn University (Fla.)
Boca Raton, Florida
May 12, 2007
Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC's Hardball With Chris Matthews

And... here's a difficult choice:

Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
May 05, 2007
George S. Clinton, composer, will speak at the afternoon ceremony
Ron Ramsey, lieutenant governor and speaker of the Tennessee State Senate, and a Republican (duh), will speak at the morning ceremony

was Carrot Top unavailable?

Commencement Speakers

Dallas Christian College
Dallas, Texas
May 11, 2007
Harriet E. Miers, former White House counsel

Liberty University
Lynchburg, Virginia
May 19, 2007
Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

Regent University
Virginia Beach, Virginia
May 5, 2007
Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and a Republican candidate for president

Roger Williams University
Bristol, Rhode Island
May 19, 2007
Peter and Bobby Farrelly, writers and directors of such films as Dumb and Dumber and There's Something About Mary

Tri-State University
Angola, Indiana
May 5, 2007
Myles Brand, president of the National Collegiate Athletic Association

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
May 12, 2007
Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House of Dumber and Dumberer