Saturday, November 22, 2008

Failure to suck

Illinois 10
Northwestern 27

Syracuse 24
Notre Dame 23

Northern Illinois 42
Kent 14

College Football Teams That Suck (cont'd)

Syracuse 24
Notre Dame 23
Final OH...MY...GOD...why wasn't Charlie Weis fired immediately after the game?

For the Irish (6-5), losing to a 19 1/2 -underdog ranks among the worst losses in school history and leaves coach Charlie Weis with a 28-20 record in four seasons.

Weis’s 58.3 winning percentage is the same that Bob Davie was fired with after five seasons and Tyrone Willingham after three. Weis has seven years left after this season on a 10-year contract.

And yet, he is a GIGANTIC POMPOUS ASS. It is just unbeweevable how much the Irish SUCK.

Michigan 7 (Weasels in a state of despair. Sad...puzzling...)
Ohio St. 42

Indiana 10 (the Cats lost to them?)
Purdue 62

Cal Poly 35
Wisconsin 36
Final OT (YIKES! Almost lost to a bunch of slide home.)

Illinois 10
Northwestern 27

Saturday’s game marked the last time Illinois and Northwestern played for the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk. The framed tomahawk has been a part of the instate rivalry since 1947, but school officials announced Friday that its run will end as part of the 2005 NCAA directive to stop using American Indian imagery.

What will they play for now? My nomination: a casting of Blago's Hair.

Iowa 55
Minnesota 0 (Look it up: the Gophers were ranked this year.)

East. Michigan 52
Temple 55 (they've found a conference they don't totally suck in.)

Buffalo 40 (walking away with the MAC East. Oh, the humanity...)
Bowling Green 34
Final OT

Friday, November 21, 2008

If by 'wry' they mean Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz, then yes...

And his replacement...Moroniotti??

Mike Downey departs Chicago Tribune

Mike Downey, who returned home to Chicago in 2003 as a Tribune sports columnist, is leaving the paper.

"The Tribune was generous enough to make me one of the best-paid sportswriters in the history of this business, so I certainly can't fault the paper for doing this now that times are hard," Downey said Thursday.

Tribune Associate Managing Editor for Sports Dan McGrath informed his staff "with profound sadness" in a note hailing Downey, who was a must-read at the Chicago Daily News and Sun-Times before becoming a columnist for the Detroit Free Press and Los Angeles Times, as a "wise, wry, sane voice of reason."

Da comments are fun, such as: "There isn't a single writer for the Trib that makes it worth the resources it takes to recycle the paper it's written on." Did Corms write dis?

tollway approves fast lane for rich phokks

Illinois tollway OKs $400 million congestion-relief project

So one half-empty lane and two lanes of people who can't afford a price gouge sitting bumper to bumper will reduce emissions.... hmmm....

How much extra will it cost me if they throw in a hooker? (Is that why they're called HOT lanes?)

Iceland : plenty of room

News item: Iceland had to borrow about $10bn yesterday, roughly the size of its entire gross domestic product, to prevent its economy from collapsing. . .

The loans will expose 320,000 Icelanders to a brutal recession, soaring inflation and an enormous debt burden that will haunt them for years in the form of taxes, threatening to trigger mass emigration. Up to a third of the population have said they want to flee the island.

In related news: Market analysts said panic had set in among traders. "Markets are utterly unhinged," said Bill O’Donnell, a strategist at UBS

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Olbermann brings it

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at

They Spelled It Wrong

World Phucking Champions

how to get wid da tarrists

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at

Earfquake, what earfquake?

FYI, there was a 5.0 earthquake at 11:23am this morning, centered near Calexico in Baja California. No reports of damage but “the U.S.G.S. reports the quake was felt by people as far away as downtown San Diego, La Jolla and Miramar.” Did anyone in the Libraries feel it?

Article Link:

I felt nuttin'. The whole thing is a scam.


Nobody Likes The World's Biggest Douchebag

World leaders refuse to shake Bush's hand

CNN Anchor Rick Sanchez: Bush looks like "the most unpopular kid in high school that nobody liked."

Everybody Cranky

Quick Vote

Have you ever displayed or witnessed 'queue rage' -- visible anger or violence resulting from waiting in line?

Yes 70% 92281
No 30% 40255

Total Votes: 132536

read related article »

This is not a scientific poll, but it is profoundly idiotic


Joe the Plumber to become Joe the Published, after book deal

Can we buy this book, get together and burn it? We should all gather in a field in Ohio and burn it. We should all be there too. No excuses. Bring the kids too.

another bailout

Coming soon to a zoo near you: Live mammoths (maybe)

Hey mammoth! We whipped yer woolly @ss once already... There are no do-overs in evolution - you lost!

Meanwhile, further down the line: "The big issue would be whether enough people felt that a chimp-Neanderthal hybrid would be acceptable, and that would be broadly discussed before anyone started to work on it," Church said.

Too late... the Bush Justice Department isn't hiring anymore.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

she will be missed (cont'd)

The Wild Wordsmith of Wasilla by Dick Cavett

"My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska’s investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars."

she will be missed

We must savor these last Dana Perino zingers while we can.

Perino: 'We Did Not Torture.'

Zogby-like shenanigans in the news

NS: Thank you, have a good day.
JZ: Go fuck yourself.

Wow, didn't see this coming...

...Obama's first cabinet selection is another black dude!


No clue who he is, and yet it's anudder Smiff SHTEAL...

Warriors rookie Anthony Morrow followed up Saturday's 37-point eruption with 25 points on 8-of-12 shooting in Tuesday's win over the Blazers. Morrow made 5-of-5 free throws and four three-pointers to go with four rebounds and a steal. He logged 36 minutes and --along with C.J. Watson (10 points, five rebounds, four assists and two steals)-- appears to have a steady 30+ minute role. Congratulations if you were quick enough to scoop him up.

Sorta coincides with a 15 point SURGE in one day for the Zeniths. I've now almost heard of most of my players. Not sure about that Beno guy. Marc Gasol - French Phokk? Also, i think i have someone on the Knicks.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Would killing someone in a duel get you expelled? Just what would it take for these spineless losers??

McCain backer Lieberman keeps committee chair

WASHINGTON (AP) — Sen. Joe Lieberman will keep his chairmanship of the Senate Homeland Security Committee despite hard feelings over his support for GOP nominee John McCain during the presidential campaign.
The Connecticut independent will lose a panel post on the Environment and Public Works panel as punishment for criticizing Obama this fall.
Lieberman's colleagues in the Democratic caucus voted 42-13 Tuesday to approve a resolution condemning statements made by Lieberman during the campaign but allowing him to keep the Homeland Security Committee gavel.
Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., said he had been very angry about Lieberman's actions but that "we're looking forward, we're not looking back."
Added Reid: "This was not a time for retribution, it was a time for moving forward on the problems of this country. Also, i have no testicles. Mining accident as a child..."


Monday, November 17, 2008

I don't think K-Mad would...i know dat

K-Mad's favorite Dem to HATE is considering a run for governor of Virginia, aka governor of Florida.

VA-Gov: Would you buy shit from Terry "Fullas#i+" McAuliffe?
kos Mon Nov 17, 2008 at 03:00:04 PM PST

Huh? [Terry] "Fullas#i+" McAuliffe’s pals dismiss such criticism and say his unique blend of charm and cash will prove irresistible. "Terry could sell shit to the zoo," explains longtime pal Paul Begala. "He’s the best salesman in the world."

Right. Is that why Democrats made huge gains during his tenure as DNC chairmanship in those ass-kicking 2002 and 2004 elections? Is that why Hillary Clinton is President of the United States? Terry "Fullas#i+" McAuliffe can obviously sell shit to Paul Begala. He has a harder time selling it to people outside his circle of shit-buying friends.

We Suck at Everything (cont'd)

Some Danish guy won the World Series of Poker.


Friedman working our side of da street

An industry that became brain-dead: by Thomas L. Friedman

"...And it included endless lobbying to block Congress from raising the miles-per-gallon requirements. The result was an industry that became brain-dead.

Nothing typified this more than statements like those of Bob Lutz, GM's vice chairman. He has been quoted as saying that hybrids like the Toyota Prius “make no economic sense.” And, in February, D Magazine of Dallas quoted him as saying that global warming “is a total crock of [expletive].”

These are the guys taxpayers are being asked to bail out."

Deluxe model includes an attached mini-treadmill for your dog

It doesn't get anymore idiotic than this.

Wait, who won the election?

There goes that liberal media again... apparently, the future of the Republican Party is a more pressing issue right now than the future of the country.

Right Wingers dominate the Sunday Talk Shows

Highlighted this before, but on the teevee on Sunday we have:
7 Appearances by Republican current elected officeholders.
3 Appearances by Democratic current elected officeholders.
2 Appearances by Republican former elected officeholders.
1 Appearance by a Bush Cabinet Secretary.
T. Boone Pickens.
Ted Turner.

Jimmy's House of Cupcakes whips up another fluffy masterpiece

Syracuse 85, LeMoyne (French phokks?) 51

Cuban responds, "Phokk the refs!"

SEC charges Mark Cuban with insider trading

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks professional basketball team, was charged with insider trading in shares of Inc, an Internet search engine firm, the Securities and Exchange Commission said on Monday.
Cuban, one of the five finalists to buy the Chicago Cubs pro baseball team, faces civil charges by acting on nonpublic information and selling shares of to avoid more than $750,000 in losses, the SEC alleged.
According to the SEC, invited Cuban to participate in a stock offering that would be conducted at a discount to the market price after he agreed to keep the information confidential.
However, within hours of receiving information, Cuban called his broker and told him to sell his entire position in the company, the SEC alleged.
When the offering was publicly announced,'s stock price dropped 9.3 percent from the prior day's closing price.
Calls to Cuban's lawyers were not immediately returned. has since changed its name to Copernic Inc.


Obama transition: the sucking begins

Two problems today. We'll dispense with the easy one first: there's no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog. You would think a nerdy, Mister Science, I-can-pronounce-nuclear smartypants would have known that already.

The second one is more complicated. An eight team playoff? That would leave out a 12-0 Ball State, who is around the mid-teens in the polls now and would probably be around 12th by the end of the year if they stay undefeated. Can you really leave out the undefeated champion of a Division 1-A conference? Wouldn't that sort of defeat the point of a playoff?

There are 11 Division 1-A (or FBS or whatever-the-phokk they're calling it now) conferences. A fair playoff would have to take them all, and would still leave room for five at-large whiners. Of course, you still have the controversy between the fifth at-large whiner and the sixth at-large whiner, just like you have controversies among the 64th-65th-66th-67th teams in basketball. No getting around that.

With a 16-team field, you could play the eight first-round games on January 1st to preserve some of the tradition of New Year's Day. If everyone who feels entitled to a payout is feeling cooperative enough, they might even preserve some of the Bowl names and sponsorships. Over the rest of January, play rounds two and three, and set up the championship game for the Saturday of Super Bowl weekend for a two-day football and snack food frenzy. What could possibly go wrong?

the upside of hard times

More spam (the edible kind).

AUSTIN, Minn. — The economy is in tatters and, for millions of people, the future is uncertain. But for some employees at the Hormel Foods Corporation plant here, times have never been better. They are working at a furious pace and piling up all the overtime they want.

The workers make Spam, perhaps the emblematic hard-times food in the American pantry. . .

"There are all kinds of people who have an emotional connection to Spam," said Gil Gutknecht Jr., the former Minnesota congressman, who was in the gift shop at the Spam Museum buying a Spam tie, sweatshirt and earrings. Mr. Gutknecht recalled that he once served as a judge in a Spam recipe contest. . .

If we can just find enough pink, gelatinous equivalents in other industries to get behind, we might ride this out...

A 12-ounce can of Spam, marketed as "Crazy Tasty," costs about $2.40. "People are realizing it’s not that bad a product," said Dan Johnson... who operates a 70-foot-high Spam oven.

Is that the same Dan Johnson who sucked all year in 2006 because he had double vision after he shot suntan lotion into his eye? (That was SO k-mad!) If so, it might not be a good idea for him to be standing in front of a 70-foot-high Spam oven.

that's a lot of scratch

Nate Silver Signs With Penguin In Two Book Deal Worth About $700,000 [Update]


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Which white Americans? That one?

Peter Baker in the Gray Lady:
Practically everyone wants to claim Mr. Obama these days. African-Americans, obviously, but also Hispanic-Americans, Jewish-Americans, Muslim-Americans and even white Americans purging feelings of racial guilt.