Edinson Volquez: a philosophical inquiry

Was it K-Mad? Or Dusty?

News item: Volquez (elbow, meteorite) underwent successful Tommy John surgery on Monday, the Reds' official site reports.

Spin: He could take as long as 12 months to recover, so Volquez may not be back in the rotation for Cincinnati until August of 2010. Beyond that, it sometimes takes even longer for a pitcher to regain his velocity and effectiveness, so Volquez may not return to form until 2011 -- if at all (assuming he lives).

I don't think anyone anticipated racoons

Josh Outman is out 12-18 months after undergoing Tommy John surgery on Tuesday.

He also had a bone spur, a railroad tie, and a family of racoons removed from his left elbow. It's a serious blow to the A's 2010, 2011, and 2012 rotation as Outman had emerged as the staff's best starter early this season

WHO declares SUCKS pandemic

06.16: SI.com is reporting that season-ending surgery is still a possibility for Prairie Chickens' starter Jake Peavy. Peavy and the Chix'zz medical staff will do everything in their power to rehab the injury without surgery, but the possibility still exists that it could be necessary if the ankle does not properly heal (see also: Wheelchair Baseball).

He might want to check the morgue

MESA, Ariz. -- Cubs reliever Chad Gaudin is trying to find himself this spring, an odyssey which began when he was selected by the Andersonville Horror in the 24th round of this year's FISK draft.

He's got da BAEKs -- Bury Annudder Execrable K-Madder.

Deceased K-Mad Pitchers (A Partial List)

It's Hot Stove Heater Time! And at Lattice of Coincidence, that means taking a look back at the freak show that is KMad's hatred of pitchers and all they stand for. He would kill one the way a storm trooper would kill an ewok. The way that Tom Cruise would a psychiatrist. The way that Dick Cheney would an innocent sleepy infant suckling at her mother's breast.

Here is a list compiled of Deceased KMad pitchers (an * means they are or were also members of the Blue Ward Cyclones Baseball Collective of Brooklyn, New York).

1. Taylor Buchholtz
2. Cole Hamels (*)(?); Ryan Madsen (?); Brad Lidge (?) - Smiff was raving in the post and not quite clear
3. Eric Bedard (killed very dead)
4. Eric Hurley
5. Manny Acosta
6. Brett Myers (*)
7. Pat Misch
8. Will Ledezma
9. Ross Ohlendorf
10. John Bale
11. Joey Devine
12. Al Reyes
13. Phil Hughes (*)(doomed)
14. Ian Kennedy (like a deer on train tracks with a broken leg)
15. Geremi Gonzalez (struck by lighting, actually dead.)
16. Andrew Miller
17. Justin Dusherer
18. Pedro Martinez
19. Carlos Carrasco
20. Greg Miller (*)
21. Micha Owings
22. Manny Corpus (*)
23. Scott Olsen
24. Zach Duke
25. Josh Johnson
26. Andy Pettite
27. Juan Cruz (*)

Those classified as Soon To Be Deceased, in which KMad is still stirring the pot of his hatred (some of the above were originally listed with this designation)

1. Johann Santana
2. Eri Yoshida (she's 16, she's beautiful and she's KMad's...next meal!)
3. Andrew Cashner
4. Clayton Kershaw (*)
5. Felix Hernandez (*)
6. Joakim Soria (1/2* - was offered to the Cyclones for Danny Graves - whoops)

k-mad is out for blood, my friends...

9/17 8:22 pm: Rockies setup man Taylor Buchholz (Horrorz, Prairie Chickens) will miss the remainder of the season with an injured shoulder. Buchholz said he will get an MRI in the next few days, according to the Denver Post.

Mama Smiff doesn't believe in pitch counts...

"Why did Charlie Manuel take Cole Hamels out when he was pitching so well? Surely he could have gone one more inning to get to Brad Lidge. What a waste of good pitching. What bad managing. What a bunch of clod relievers."

Clod relievers led by terminal SUCKS sufferer Ryan Madson, who totally, totally SUCKED!
~

If only I had chosen to use my awesome powers for good instead of evil...

News item: Manager Jim Riggleman noted that Erik Bedard still isn't to the point where he can throw, according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Riggleman added that it is going to take time, and is unsure when it is going to be.

Horrors in the News (cont'd)

News item: Eric Hurley (hamstring, SUCKS, botched alien rectal probe) was scratched from his scheduled start Monday and left on the DL because he's dealing with arm soreness.

It's supposed to be a mild problem, and Hurley thinks he'll take his next scheduled turn. However, the Rangers might now decide to have him pitch once more in the minors.

roster update

Horror reliever Manny Acosta was placed on the disabled list Monday and laid to rest in a private ceremony Tuesday. He joins Brett Myers, Pat Misch, Willie Ledezzzma, Ross OlenDORF, Eric "I Think I'm Gonna" Hurley, John Bale, Joey Devine, and Al Reyes on the list of formerly living and undead Horror pitchers k-mad has humanely destroyed this year.

K-Mad's work here is done (cont'd)

Padres designated LHP Wilfredo Ledezzzma for assignment. This means Cha-Seung Baek will stay in the rotation following Jake Peavy's return, probably on Thursday. Ledezma gets booted even though he had a 3.15 ERA in 20 innings as a reliever earlier this season. He wasn't very good in five starts, going 0-2 with a 5.66 ERA, but it's a surprise the Padres didn't just put him back in middle relief.

They would probably be calling him WINfredo by this point if K-Mad would just stop drafting him...

new K-Mad malady: "hot spot"

Manager Joe Girardi said Wednesday that Phil Hughes won't be cleared to begin throwing for at least another week after a bone scan of his injured ribs revealed a "hot spot." He's scheduled to undergo another bone scan next week and may require a month-long minor league rehab assignment once he's cleared to throw, so Hughes figures to be out until at least July.

add "injured right lat muscle" to the list of things that aren't what they used to be

News item: Ian Kennedy is headed to the disabled list after injuring his right lat muscle on Tuesday night, the New York Post reports.

How is K-Mad to blame?

CARACAS, Venezuela -- Former major league pitcher Geremi Gonzalez, who won 11 games for the Chicago Cubs in 1997, was killed by a lightning strike in his native Venezuela on Sunday. He was 33. Geremi Gonzalez pitched for five major league teams and compiled a 30-35 career record. Emergency management official Herman Bracho said Monday that Gonzalez was struck by lightning at a beach.

On Monday, Cubs general manager Jim "Likes Pizza" Hendry spoke fondly of Gonzalez. "The Chicago Cubs are very saddened today to learn of Geremi Gonzalez's sudden passing. Geremi began his career as a Cub, leading our pitching staff with 11 wins as a rookie in 1997 and, despite an arm injury, helping the club early in the season a year later to an eventual postseason appearance. The organization sends its heartfelt condolences to his family."

Gonzalez pitched for five major league teams from 1997-2006. The right-hander appeared in 131 games with 83 starts, compiling a 30-35 record. Gonzalez also played for the Tampa Bay Rays, Boston Red Sox, New York Mets and Milwaukee Brewers. He made a combined 24 appearances for the Mets and Brewers in his final major league season in 2006. Gonzalez played for current Cubs manager Lou Piniella in Tampa Bay and was on the mound when Sammy Sosa's corked bat exploded in a game at Wrigley Field on June 3, 2003.

"That's a tragic thing," Piniella said. "He was a nice young man. He was a competitive kid, really good natured. It's a shame, it really is. I liked him a lot." Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, a fellow Venezuelan, expressed his feeling before a game in Cleveland. "It's sad," Guillen said. "A lot of people are going to be shocked. He was a good man. He had a lot of ups and downs in his career. He was 33. It was so early in his life to die. I wish the best to his family. The news went around the country pretty fast."

Brewers manager Ned Yost expressed similar feelings. "He was so much fun to be around. He was always happy, always smiling," Yost said. "He was a guy that could scare real easy and then horse laugh. He was just one of those guys that when he saw you, he always had a smile on his face."

The Toronto Blue Jays released him during spring training last year. Gonzalez then moved to Japan and pitched in five games for the Yomiuri Giants.

he's ready

Eric Hurley - Okla - 42 2/3 IP, 1-3, 6.54 ERA

K-Mad Special: He's Fiery!

John Bale broke his hand Friday night after punching a door at the Royals' team hotel in Cleveland. Bale didn't tell the team until late Saturday. "I’m not pleased, obviously," manager Trey Hillman said Sunday. "Players have to think before they do things. "They’ve got to think about how it’s going to affect the rest of their team, how it’s going to affect their ability to perform and how it’s going to affect the whole group. I’m hopeful that there’s something salvageable for him." No word on why he punched the door, but the Kansas City Star speculates he was frustrated with his slow recovery from a fatigued shoulder. He'll likely be out a couple months now.

tuck him away

Sayonara! Japanese team, down 66-0 in 2nd, gives up

The coach of Kawamoto technical high school forfeited to spare his pitcher's arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the bottom of the second. The young pitcher had already thrown more than 250 pitches, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second before Kawamoto asked for mercy.

my work here appears to be nearing an end

Erik Bedard - Windup Worries

try 'overhand'

Andrew Miller: Miller ordered to throw harder?

4/10 10:00 am: Andrew Miller is reportedly being ordered to throw harder, according to the Palm Beach Post. His velocity hasn't reached 90 mph in either of his first two starts, but the team stated that his health is fine. Manager Gonzalez noted, "The problem is that Miller is compensating his velocity by trying to be careful to throw more strikes. Against the Yankees, it was 92, 95, 97, and we haven't seen that since. Not even close. I don't want him to take away from his velocity to try to throw strikes. You want to see the zip, you want to see the life that hitters were missing." Miller is 0-1 with a 12.91 ERA, but has nine strikeouts over 7.2 innings.

K-Mad does it again...

First start of the year...HE GUONE.

Justin Duchscherer will undergo an MRI on his biceps Sunday.
The A's believe the injury is just a mild strain. If the MRI shows nothing, it's possible Duchscherer could make his next scheduled start Wednesday in Toronto. If he can't make that start, the A's will probably either pull Lenny DiNardo out of the bullpen to take his place or activate Chad Gaudin a couple days early. Gaudin (foot/hip) is slated to make his first start Saturday in Cleveland, but is eligible to come off the DL at any time.