Saturday, December 1, 2007

make mine a gin martini, extra dry

I'm talking a veritable dust bowl of a martini. And throw a couple onions in deres.

WINTER STORM WARNING: Icy cocktail sweeping through area
As Chicago's winter overnight parking ban took effect, the area braced for a wintry mix of freezing rain, sleet and snow.

Our budget is bigger than yours

Way bigger...

Minister presents $7,8 quadrillion budget

Friday, November 30, 2007

Post #2000: The End Times Are Still Coming Down

It's pouring here AGAIN! It has rained ALL day!!

Lindbergh Field might crack a whole phokking inch of rain.

The low tomorrow might dip BELOW 50.

Wha happened???

AND my feet are still wet!

Dis looks like a lot of snow headed your way...


Of course, the "forecast"--from a 40% chance of rain to "Everything is still within the realm of possibility" on Saturday--gets a big, fat phokking F.

The bombing starts in five minutes. Ha-ha! Good one...

Russia signs Europe arms pact suspension into law

MOSCOW (Reuters) - President Vladimir Putin signed a law on Friday suspending Russia's participation in a key post-Cold War arms treaty, a move which could allow it to deploy more forces close to western Europe.


Cubs raise ticket prices

November 30, 2007 BY TONI GINNETTI

The price of success and maintaining an aging ball park will cost Cubs fans as much as 30 percent more next season. The team is raising the price of all classes of seats after a two-year price hold. The price of the highest price club box seats will rise from $54 to $70 for 25 ‘‘regular’’ games and from $65 to $80 for 50 designated ‘‘prime’’ games.

The price of bleacher seats will rise from $30 to $36 for regular games and from $40 to $45 for prime games. The lowest-priced seats, upper deck reserve outfield, will go from $14 to $16 for regular games and from$17 to $20 for prime games. There will be six ‘‘value’’ games with lower prices, from$50 for the highest price seats to $10 for the lowest price seats and $22 for bleacher seats.

‘‘Our pledge to field a championship team*, improve the playing field and maintain the 93-year-old Friendly Confines requires we take this [price increase] step now,’’ director of ticket operations Frank Maloney said in a letter to season’s ticketholders. ‘‘The Cubs average ticket price remains significantly lower than the Boston Red Sox, the only other team still playing in a park as old as ours.’’ The Red Sox have set 2008 ticket prices ranging from $26 for bleacher seats to $125 for the highest-priced field box seats.

*He'll be here all week - enjoy the veal.

is this precise enough for you, SMIFF?

Messy winter storm bears down on Chicago

Of the estimated 1.22" water equivalent precipitation the approaching storm may produce here later Saturday and Sunday, temperature profiles of the atmosphere above Chicago as it passes suggest around 17% may falls as ice pellets or some snow, 33% is to fall as freezing rain and 50% is to fall as rain.

The End Times Are Here

anudder scumbag kicks the bucket

Ex-GM CEO Roger Smith, subject of 'Roger and Me,' dies at 82

Smith died Thursday in the Detroit area after an unspecified brief illness, GM said.

Can you die from being an greedy @$$hole?

These things happen in threes...what piece of $#i+ is next?

anyting lamer dan dis?

Well, maybe getting a haircut...

Blagojevich backs Blackhawks over mass transit

kmadz in nutzshellz

everybody can go phokk dereselves

Thursday, November 29, 2007

seeya, @$$hole

Henry Hyde dies at 83

Looking for stocking stuffers?

Rumsfeld doll a holiday gift that keeps on talking
By Al Kamen The Washington Post
WASHINGTON — It's holiday shopping time, and you're once again scurrying about looking for something besides the usual earrings, ties, shirts or sweaters. Why not capitalize on the growing "Rummy nostalgia" phenomenon? After having him for six years as a constant source of hatred, despair or admiration, face it, some of you just miss the old SecDef. Got just the thing: a 12-inch "Rummy" doll that looks vaguely like him and features bits of his historic news conferences that you can play by pressing a little button on the back of his coat. Yes, you can listen to 28 of former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's greatest displays of logic:
• "What they do with themselves is up to them, and what the people around them do with them is up to the people around them."
And there are the classics:
• "There are known knowns, there are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns, that is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns, there are things we do not know we don't know, and each year we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns."
• "We have a saying in America: If you're in a hole, stop digging. ... I'm not sure I should have said that."
Some would make Yogi Berra beam with pride:
• "I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started."
• "I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and I assume that's what I said."
Some sticklers may grouse that the comments needed to be placed in context, because the questions asked by reporters at the briefings are not included. Another criticism is that some of the truly best lines — "Freedom is untidy" and "Stuff Happens" — are not included. No matter. There's enough to give everyone hours of fond or not-so-fond memories of the man in his prime. The Rummy doll is made in China, so you might want to wear gloves when handling. There is also a warning: "Choking Hazard. Small Parts. Not for children under 3 years of age."
The "Rummy" doll and those of other luminaries, including President Clinton, President Reagan and both Bushes, are available for $19.95 each:

Lest We Forget that the Dark Ages Were a Faith-Based Initiative (cont'd)

News item: A court in Sudan today began hearing the case of a British teacher charged with inciting religious hatred for letting her pupils name a teddy bear Muhammad. If convicted, she faces up to 40 lashes, with the verdict and sentence up to the judge.

prepare (not) to be shocked

Gas-tax transit plan goes down in flames

it's the same all over

From the Minneapolis-St.Paul Star-Tribune (Legislation Cmte work takes me to the far-flung reaches of the internets):

Snow on Saturday, but how much?

"The jury is still out," James McQuarter of the National Weather Service said today. "It’s kind of early to tell. There are some conflicting models. Right now it’s just hard to say."

Most ridiculous Rudy Nine Eleven story of the day?

Rudy Giuliani Does Business With Sheik Who Helped 9/11 Mastermind Elude FBI

Village Voice article: Rudy's Ties to a Terror Sheikh

Rudy is great judge of character: three wives, Bernie Kerik, terror sheikhs, George Steinbrenner...


Giuliani’s personal scandals take a turn for the worse

As New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani billed obscure city agencies for tens of thousands of dollars in security expenses amassed during the time when he was beginning an extramarital relationship with future wife Judith Nathan in the Hamptons, according to previously undisclosed government records.

The documents, obtained by Politico under New York’s Freedom of Information Law, show that the mayoral costs had nothing to do with the functions of the little-known city offices that defrayed his tabs, including agencies responsible for regulating loft apartments, aiding the disabled and providing lawyers for indigent defendants.

Neither is very surprising, but what really gets me about Rudy: what did he do on 9/11 and after that was so phokking great in the first place? Certainly, nothing he did prior to 9/11 helped thwart the attacks or prepare the city for disaster. He was seen on the streets after the bombings? That makes someone a hero? (Of course, he had nowhere to go since the anti-terror office was placed in the Trade Center.) Someone enlighten me here, throw me a bone...

In a related study:

Incompetent People Really Have No Clue, Studies Find
They're blind to own failings, others' skills

dumbest drop since i dumped Troy Tulowitski

Devin Harris hit 9-of-10 shots for 22 points and added six assists as the Mavericks broke a three-game losing streak with a win over the Wolves. Harris is in the midst of a breakout season and should keep producing solid fantasy numbers all year.

Corms, how is J.R. Smiff working out?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Skilly's got nuttin' on Stan Wasowki

How's this for non-committal weather speak:

The weather service has raised the odds on rain Friday and Saturday, but NWS forecaster Stan Wasowski said we basically won't know what we're gonna get until we get it. Computer forecast models just don't know what to do with closed lows to our south. The rain chance for San Diego and most of the county on Saturday morning is now listed at 50 percent.
"Everything is still within the realm of possibility," he said. "We could get three-quarters of an inch, or we could get nothing at all.
"The wild card is the trough moving down the coast. The farther west the trough goes, the better for us - if you're rooting for rain. If it's way out there, it would allow that closed low to pull in moisture from the southwest. But if the trough takes an inland route, the low will lose its moisture source."

Everything huh? Okay den, i will be prepared for rain, snow, hail, sleet, gusts, tornados, tsunamis, a nor'easter, a sout'wester, locusts, frogs, dogs and cats living together, wild cards and every other thing that could possibly happen.

two words which should never appear adjacently

Chinese tequila

just because the gubmint can't (legally) crack down on "freedom" of the "press" doesn't mean the "free press" can't crack down on itself

Al Jazeera's Struggle for U.S. Airtime

Note that the first commenter has almost certainly never watched a minute of Al Jazeera.

He has a point. If meeeellllions (beeeeeeelllllions?) of people are getting "news" we don't like, it's best that we remain ignorant of it.

There will also be a kiosk where patrons can check their brains before entering...

Survival of the largest

News Item: "Northern Kentucky's Creation Museum is evolving into a larger facility."

Too small to handle the tourist load. Not intelligently designed.

today's forecast



Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Time to find a new hobby?

Blowing s#i+ up not working...

News Item: "The conflict in Afghanistan has reached 'crisis proportions,' with the resurgent Taliban present in more than half the country and closing in on Kabul. . . ."

We defeated Nazi Germany and Japan is less than 4 can we not smoke them out of their holes, we can't even find the holes. Of course, i blame Bush, Cheney & Co., who couldn't find their asses if their heads were shoved up them, which they are...


Top 10 Ways to Destroy Earth

They've given up

Zimbabwe inflation 'incalculable'

Add inflation to the list of things that aren't what they used to be.

There goes science again...making s#i+ up...

Fossils found in shark fossil proof of complex food chain

A fossilized shark that swallowed a crocodile-like amphibian that, in turn, had gobbled up a fish has now been unearthed.

This exceptional find marks the first time scientists have found direct evidence of such a complex, extinct food chain....

By accident, Kriwet and his colleagues discovered the new shark fossil in a museum collection. These exceptionally preserved remains are roughly 290 million years old, pre-dating the emergence of the dinosaurs.

Funny stuff, if it were true. Look, there are no sharks. What you think might be a shark, which has lived on the earth for millions of years, are, in fact, not sharks. Also, fossils? What da phokk is dat shit? The next thing you know these scientists will say the earth revolves around the sun. Well, sure, if it was round, and wasn't in the center of the universe. I'm with The Huckster, this is all too complex to be figgered out.

Should I blow this thing up?

Don't hold your breath

Transit deal close?

nice knowing yous guys

Skilling: 'If you think it's been cold so far, just wait'
Ok, maybe not...who knows...anything could/would/might/may happen...

"Evidence mounts...It would arrive...The chill would lead...snow may be...not yet carved in stone...could reach...If...could become..."

No tornado watch? a typhoon? Wid Skilly, virtually anything is possible...

Monday, November 26, 2007

Updating a LoC story

Our favorite Southwest Airlines passenger has found her wings...

Stopping the terrists

Top US engineer in piss-off-everybody car fuel solution

So, we're like, addicted to oil, and like, the oil profits are like being used to like terrorise us? This is like, way too complicated. Can't we just like bomb them or something? Like?

new name for Smiff

Brand Name Generator


Your brand will be unique because this denotes:

world ethics

it's the vehicle for the End Times

Batshit Crazy “HUMMER” commercial

Yes, but what happens when you run out of gas while driving through a forest fire? because the vehicle you're driving gets ten miles per gallon*?

*or one soldier per fill-up.

finally, some good news

The Chicago Sun-Times expects Cedric Benson (ankle) to miss the rest of the season. Benson was carted off the field after his "left ankle was twisted down awkwardly". The Bears have not made an announcement so wait to hear the official news before cutting Benson, though coach Lovie Smith said it was a "pretty good ankle injury".

another quitter

Trent Lott to retire from Senate

It's just not as fun when you don't get your way all the time...

Dave van Dyck: Idiot or Moron?

The White Sox are believed to have moved on to free agent Aaron Rowand after losing out on Torii Hunter. Says the Chicago Tribune, Rowand "isn't nearly as dominating as Hunter could be." He was merely the better hitter last year, and he has the superior career OPS. He's also a fellow Gold Glover, for what that's worth, and he's the younger player by two years. We can't be sure how he treats women, but he's about as "dominating" as Hunter when he's on the field. It's going to take at least $10 million and probably $12 million-$13 million per season to sign him. Source: Chicago Tribune

While we're at it... Anaheim Angels of Lost Brains: Morons or Idiots? $18 million a year for a 32 year old OF with a career OPS less than .800, who has never posted an OBP higher than .337 (his career OBP is .15 points worse than league average). He's slightly better than Gary Matthews, who becomes a $10 million 4th OF.

Who had a wonderful, drunken Thanksgiving?

Notice the totally full@s#i+ @$$hole......and the strategically placed wine bottle.

now wid da tarrists: Aussies

Australian PM John Howard Goes Down In Flames - Labor Party Wins!

are they saying they own the trademark?

Fox News says “Blogs are Biased.”

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Things Smiff Doesn't Like (cont'd)

It all boils down to this:

1) Man's inhumanity to man.
2) The Bush Administration.
3) The New England Patriots.