D Battery Elected To Philadelphia Sports Hall Of Fame

PHILADELPHIA — A voting panel of journalists and prominent sports figures elected the D battery to the Philadelphia Sports Hall of Fame Sunday, honoring the alkaline storage cell's many achievements in pelting players from visiting teams.

"The D battery is as synonymous with Philadelphia sports as intoxicated fistfights, cheering for a severely injured player, or intentionally vomiting on a child," said Philadelphia sportswriter Ray Didinger, adding that the Hall of Fame plans to install an interactive exhibit that allows children to throw batteries at life-size cutouts of rival athletes. "Whipping the D battery at opposing players, coaches, or dumbshit referees is a crucial part of the experience for Philly fans. No other projectile has had the same impact on Phillies, Eagles, Flyers, or 76ers games. The D battery is an icon, representing the very best of Philly."

Sounds about right...

Wrigley Field Supporters Propose Tearing Down Rest Of Chicago:

Onion or Real? Area Man Has Heart Attack at Heart Attack Grill

Man Has Heart Attack While Eating At The Heart Attack Grill

"He had been eating a Triple Bypass Burger — or, a sandwich stacked with three patties of beef..."
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Carl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
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Congressman Falls for The Onion's Planned Parenthood 'Abortionplex' Story

Meet the next rising Republican star...

Meet John Fleming, the unfortunate Republican U.S. Representative from Louisiana who made that wonderful and all-too-common mistake of thinking that an Onion article was real and telling his Facebook followers to read it.

Love this title

Cougar spotted roaming central Wisconsin

I'm not going to read the article and just going to assume that some rich middle aged lady is cruising around Eau Claire looking for some cheese fed hunks...

Job Creator Brainstorming, or, Onion or Real (cont'd)?, or, The Dumbshine State (cont'd)

"I'm on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people," Workman said. "This is an example of Big Brother government.

"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," Workman said. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
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Which of these was heard on Fox News and which appeared in a reputable news source (the Onion)?

Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu

[Plutocrat] Complains Boston Protesters Got "Between Me And A Steak Dinner."

Of course, the Onion is a satirical newspaper, but then Fox News is a satirical television network, so this could be splitting hairs.
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On the agenda for next week: putting Brawndo on the crops

Pinellas County Commission votes to stop putting fluoride in water supply

"Fluoride is a toxic substance," said tea party activist Tony Caso of Palm Harbor. "This is all part of an agenda that's being pushed forth by the so-called globalists in our government and the world government to keep the people stupid so they don't realize what's going on."

He added: "This is the U.S. of A, not the Soviet Socialist Republic."

Onion, or ya gotta be phokking kidding me?

Pat Robertson Says Alzheimer's Is Grounds for Divorce:

The terrists have won (cont)

Cookies strike fear on flight - chicagotribune.com:

Onion, or real, or painfully unaware of the difference, or just pretending to be painfully unaware of the difference?

It's so hard to tell anymore...
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Literally unbelievable (cont'd)

Place your Onion-or-real bets before you check this link.

... [C]onsider Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs and cats, at about $1,000 a pair, which, their designers say, help "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering."

It's Literally Unbelievable

http://literallyunbelievable.org/

Terrorist killed by terrorists?

According to ze Germans, ya...

German TV Fail: Star Trek’s Maquis NOT Involved In Bin Laden Mission | TrekMovie.com

"And they also have the ‘Team Six,’ that carried out the mission. They don’t have the skull in their emblem for nothing."

Our culture is so convincing foreign news publishes it as real. I mean, how many Onion stories have been published in newspapers as the real deal? Now a fan made emblem ends up on tee vee? The rest of the world is boned.

More stuff about America you can't make up (cont'd)

Utah's official state firearm is the M1911 pistol.
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Heartwarming!

Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?

Iconic '90s Onion front page:
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"

Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."

Mmmm. Triple Bypass. Aaaaargh

KFC's New Skinwich -- A Skin Sandwich

Having killed all of al-Qaida's number twos they can find, the drones are coming to write you a speeding ticket

Betcha Da Mare would love to get his hands on a couple-two-tree uh dese for da Departmenta Streets and San (and Skies?)...

FAA mulls domestic drone use

WASHINGTON (AP) — Unmanned aircraft have proved their usefulness and reliability in the war zones of Afghanistan and Iraq. Now the pressure is on to allow them to roam U.S. skies.

The Federal Aviation Administration has been asked to issue flying rights for a range of pilotless planes to carry out civilian and law-enforcement functions but has been hesitant to act. Officials are worried they might plow into airliners, cargo planes and corporate jets that zoom around at high altitudes or helicopters and hot air balloons that fly as low as a few hundred feet off the ground.

I think I can, I think I can, I think....

http://www.ridetheslut.com/