Lattice of Coincidence: Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?

Iconic '90s Onion front page:
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"

Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."

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A lotta people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a buncha unconnected incidences and things. They don't realize that there's this like lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything. I'll give ya an example, show ya what I mean. Suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly somebody will say like, "plate" -- or "shrimp" -- or "plate of shrimp" -- out of the blue, no explanation. No point looking for one either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

"You know the way everybody's into weirdness right now? Books in all the supermarkets about Bermuda Triangles, UFOs, how the Mayans invented television, that kind of thing? Well the way I see it it's exactly the same. There ain't no difference between a flying saucer and a time machine.... People get so hung up on specifics, they miss out on seeing the whole thing. Take South America for example. In South America, thousands of people go missing every year. Nobody knows where they go. They just like disappear. But if you think about it for a minute, you realize something: there had to be a time when there was no people right? Well, where did all these people come from? Hmm? I'll tell you where: the future. Where did all these people disappear to: hmmm? the past. How did they get there? Flying saucers, which are really... yeah, you got it! Time machines!"

Lattice of Coincidence

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?

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