How to Act Human: Advice for Mitt Romney From Inside the Actors Studio

A toast to Blago

That's the kind of scandal Americans can enjoy, and we'd forgotten how much fun they could be. These days when news of a big scandal breaks it means another hundred billion dollars went missing or another major industry collapsed. Except for your scandal, Rod. The fact that the country is a shambles has made your scandal all that much more fun. You're like the guy who shows up five minutes after the apocalypse and demands he get the 4% raise he was promised before the flames engulfed the earth.

And boy do you know how to milk it. You're not taking your lumps with dignity, doing what you can to limit the damage done. You're going down swinging. Christ, just yesterday you appointed someone to that Senate seat and made sure that anyone who challenges the appointment would be called a racist! You essentially called your legislature a lynch mob! That was fantastic!

You're beautiful Rod. You're clueless, you're guileless, and most of all, you're guilty as shit. And that hair. Oh man, that gorgeous hair.

You really cheered us up when we needed it, Rod. Thanks buddy. And Happy f**kin' New Year!

Not Bloheim's week...

First, one of his brain-dead players is suspended for the year by the university for punching a woman in the face (and Bloheim defends him...Classy!), he is forced into attacking a microphone (below), and den Da Cuse lose on a 60-foot bomb at the buzzer to Cleveland State (Cuse's leading scorer that night: the aforementioned tatted up asshole prick phokkface dickhead brain-dead shit-for-brainz no-talent loser, Eric DevenDORF).