Tonight: a very special That's So Cub!

"After allowing the game-tying home run to Pence, Cubs reliever Shawn Camp (0-1) balked in the decisive run with no outs in the 10th... Chicago pitchers combined for five wild pitches in the sixth inning, breaking the MLB regular season record."
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Hawk goes apeshit

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson Melts Down After White Sox Pitcher Ejected For Throwing Behind A Batter:

Colbert on Adam Dunn and Craig Counsell: "The human body just does not naturally suck this hard"

Colbert Report: Sport Report - Baseball's Lowest Records, Gambling on Players & Stephen Controls MLB's Twitter Feed
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Just how bad are the Cubs?

The Mariners have lost 17 games in a row and still have a better record than they do.

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Nationwide Cubs Disaster

Dat dude wiff da goat musta been really, really, really, really, really mad wiff da Cubs...

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Guess what? The New York Mets SUCK.

How are Fung and K-Mad to blame?

Chi White Sox 6 (86-72)
Minnesota 7 (87-72)
Final 10

Trey Hillman is a McCain man: Brain-Dead

Manager Trey Hillman said Wednesday that Kila Ka'aihue isn't playing much because he's trying to "pick the right spots" for him.  Unbelievable. Hillman said last week that Ka'aihue and Ryan Shealy would split time at first base for the remainder of the season, but since then Ka'aihue has started once. Hillman gave Ross Gload the start there Wednesday, because apparently the last-place Royals need to keep giving playing time to a 32-year-old with a .270/.312/.343 line this season rather than give their top MLB-ready prospect a chance after he hit .314 with 37 homers between Double-A and Triple-A.

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"Grab some bench...

...I've known squirrels with better arms than you."


Philadelphia
IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA
A. Eaton 2.2 10 8 6 1 1 0 5.20

The New York Mets Suck (cont'd)

The Phillies aren't exactly tearing it up right now, but at least they lose to good teams. The Mets tonight were pummeled 11-0 at home by the worst team in baseball. The opposing pitcher: R.A. Dickey--yes, that R.A. Dickey. Even better, 49,386 idiotic, drooling troglodyte homunculi witnessed the ass-walloping.

R.A. Dickey blanked the Mets for seven innings on Tuesday night as the Mariners cruised to an 11-0 victory. In his three previous starts this season, Dickey had gone 0-3 with a 14.11 ERA. Tonight he finally got his knuckleball working and allowed just six hits and a pair of walks while striking out five over seven frames. He might get another shot because of tonight's start, but he's still a risky pick-up.

Woops (cont)

With Apologies if ur tivoing...


Chicago - Bottom of 7th

Octavio Dotel pitching for Chicago
O Dotel relieved J Danks.
3-1
D Lee homered to right.
3-2
A Ramirez homered to left center.
3-3

After Danks had been mowin em down too...

Can't Bunt? Grab some pine!

Dusty's at it again! Sucking:

From Rotoworld:

Adrian Gonzalez-1B-Padres May. 25 - 10:25 pm et

Adrian Gonzalez hit a three-run homer off Edinson Volquez in the bottom of the 18th to give the Padres a 12-9 win over the Reds on Sunday.

A tremendous finish that no one watching DirecTV for six hours got to witness, as Extra Innings cut out two minutes before Gonzalez popped one over the center-field fence. Gonzalez finished the contest 4-for-9 with two doubles. The wild game featured seven homers at pitcher friendly Petco Park. One of them immediately followed a dropped flyball in the outfield, costing Greg Maddux a chance at a victory. That came off the bat of the red-hot Adam Dunn. Dunn, though, wasn't around for extra innings, as he was removed for defense in the ninth. That decision, plus the one to turn to Josh Fogg rather than Bill Bray in a failed attempt to close out a two-run lead in the 11th, cost Dusty Baker's team dearly.

As noted over at the Wellness Center - Corey Patterson led off and played the entire game. He was 0-8. Again from Rotoworld:

Corey Patterson went 0-for-8 in Sunday's 18-inning game against the Padres.
Maybe it's time for Jay Bruce? Patterson became the first Red to go hitless in at least eight at-bats since Eddie Milner in 1984. He's hitting .183 with no walks and one extra-base hit in 60 at-bats during May.

Could you imagine if a rookie (like say Patterson a few years ago...) was performing as such? Dusty might just shoot them.

He really is, in a crowded contest full of various idiocies and vacuities, the dumbest manager out there right now, maybe ever.

In searching "dusty a goddamned moron" on google - I noticed the Lattice came up second! #1 wasn't about Baker. There's something deeply wrong with that.

One of these years Dusty Baker will figure out the double switch, you'll see...

But until then he will still be compensated with MEEEEEEllllllions of dollars a year, so don't feel to bad for him...

Though Corey Patterson was supposed to be at the plate, David Ross batted out of order in the ninth inning of an 8-3 loss to the Mets on Sunday. What is this, Little League? Per MLB rules, Ross has to complete his at-bat to be ruled out, and the outcome of his at-bat is then discarded with no runners allowed to advance. The Mets allowed him to do so, and since he lined out to right there was little harm done. Ross was the batter listed in the order after Patterson, so he was forced to come back to the plate for his 'real' at-bat and Patterson was charged the out. Ross singled after returning to the batter's box. There's almost too many jokes here for us to enjoy. Corey Patterson making outs even when he's not at-bat is just one of them. As if their wasn't already overwhelming evidence that Dusty Baker is a horrible manager, this just adds more fuel to the fire.

I swear he's not a k-madder

HR - J Votto (5, 2nd inning off J Lieber 0 on, 0 Out), A Dunn (6, 2nd inning off J Lieber 0 on, 0 Out), P Bako (4, 2nd inning off J Lieber 0 on, 1 Out), J Hairston Jr (1, 2nd inning off J Lieber 1 on, 2 Out).

Did Joe Inglett have compromising photos?

Ok, Frank Thomas is an ass, and is one of those "there is no I in team" guys. And he wasn't hitting. He'll be 40 years old next month. But if age and declining production is the issue, why sign him to a 2 year, $18 million contract with a $10 million option in the first place? His selfish attitude in Chicago is well-documented. Nothing new there. Also, he didn't hit the first two months of last year, either, but still led the team in HRs and RBI (meanwhile, Vernon Wells, he of the $126 million contract, was awful).

The result of this move meant Rod Barajas and Joe Inglett played the last two days. Yeah, Joe Inglett! They also called up Robinson Diaz, another catcher who can't hit. Apparently, Adam Lind is injured. You know, the guy that should have been playing LF, but the Jays signed Shannon Stewart instead (whose OPS is lower than Frank's and his last quality season was in 2004).

Really, how could any of us run a team worse than J.P. Ricciardi has? Granted, it's tough being in the same division with the Red Sox and Yankees, but if you're going to spend $100 million on payroll, how about attempting to do it wisely? Or develop a farm system? Or play some of the young players you do have instead of mediocrities like Stewart?

And if you want your brainz to completely ooze out of your skull, read this:

Releasing Frank Thomas makes the Blue Jays better

When Mediocre NL Central Teams Collide

It might never end...

Kosuke Fukudome reached five times and stole his second base Monday as the Cubs defeated the Pirates 10-8 in 12 innings. The Cubs let the Pirates come all of the way back to tie it after taking a 7-0 lead in the third, and they probably should have lost it in the ninth. After Ryan Doumit (Phant!) doubled and pinch-runner Brian Bixler advanced to third on a groundout, Jose Bautista dropped down a squeeze attempt. However, Bixler declined to take off from third, and first baseman Derrek Lee was able to tag Bautista for the second out. Luis Rivas then grounded out to end the threat, and the score remained 8-8 until the Cubs scored twice without the benefit of a hit in the 12th.

K-Mad's Career Killer Corner (non-injury) (cont'd)

Travis(ty) Buck is 0-21 on the season, with no walks and nine strikeouts. He did knock in his first run of the year on a sac fly today. And he has a hit by pitch, so at least his OBP isn't .000. Udder dan dat, he should be approaching a record of futility to start a season.

1st round pick by the Cherries dis year...

How to Suck at Baseball

After being one-hit yesterday, octogenarian Jamie Moyer proceeds to give five runs in the 1st today. Who do they think they are, the Cubs?

Scoring Summary
Top 1st: Washington
- R. Zimmerman grounded into fielder's choice, C. Guzman to third, L. Milledge out at second, C. Guzman scored on second baseman C. Utley's throwing error
- A. Boone singled to center, R. Zimmerman scored, A. Kearns to second
- R. Belliard doubled to deep left center, A. Boone and A. Kearns scored
- J. Flores doubled to left, R. Belliard scored
Was 5, Phi 0

Speaking of Sucking (cont'd)

Your 2008 San Francisco Giants:
D. Roberts LF 1-1
R. Aurilia 1B 0-1
R. Winn RF 0-1
B. Molina C 0-1
R. Durham 2B 0-0
A. Rowand CF 1-1
J. Castillo 3B 0-1
B. Bocock SS 0-0
B. Zito P 0-0

Zito (125 MEEEEEeeellion $, or was it 127?) has only allowed 4 runs through 2 innings...

Bocock?

How Not To Start The Season

Cleveland 2nd Inning Summary
- V. Martinez singled to center
- J. Peralta singled to left, V. Martinez to second
- R. Garko singled to left, V. Martinez to third, J. Peralta to second
- A. Cabrera grounded into fielder's choice, V. Martinez scored, J. Peralta to third, R. Garko out at second
- F. Gutierrez homered to deep left center, J. Peralta and A. Cabrera scored
- C. Blake grounded out to shortstop
- G. Sizemore homered to deep right
- J. Michaels walked
- T. Hafner doubled to deep right, J. Michaels scored
- V. Martinez singled to center, T. Hafner scored
- N. Masset relieved M. Buehrle