Friday, September 21, 2007

Those Wacky Germans

Mebbe she's been reading the lattice, and wants a taste of Smiff...

Here she is boys, and you can be married to her for 7 years, if she gets her way...

Trib-co Bias

What might have been
Cubs would be about ready to clinch had they not lost 10 killer games

Of course, if they went back and chronicled the 10 games they should have lost but didn't, they'd find that they're probably right where they should be. Such is life. Anyone think they'll go back and find the 25 games that the Sox lost that if they'd won, they'd be up half a game? Probably more actually, since a bunch of the games came against the teams ahead of them? Course not. Coz they're paid to write about the Cubs. Not da Sox. Not that I'd write about da Sox right now...

If only K-Mad played fantasy football...

...and you could draft defensive players. Look at some of the possibilities:

Visanthe Shiancoe-TE-Vikings
Hannibal Navies-LB-49ers
Adimchinobe Echemandu-RB-Raiders
Musa Smith-RB-Ravens
Ashton Youboty-DB-Bills
Pisa Tinoisamoa-LB-Rams
T.J. Houshmandzadeh-WR-Bengals
Ade Jimoh-DB-Bears

so rain here...shocking, isn't it?

Some comments directed at the "West Coast Skilly" in the local rag...

This just gleaned from the latest forecast discussion. "mostly, generally, possible, a little, wobbling, somewhat, rather tricky, fairly consistent, vary considerably, at least, however, and not as much as earlier thought. Swing and a miss on the forecast for a 20 year event and "backpedaling" at its best.

Sometimes I wonder if they're just trying to sell papers. Nah!

its not going to rain at all. i never beleive thses san diego weather people.

Do I have to return my free sandbags ? This stinks. Of course we're not going to get rain. We never do !

weather forecasters get a paycheck for being wrong. i should've majored in meteorology.

They shouldn't even predict rain unless they go outside and feel raindrops on their head. What a scam...

No rain this time. LOL.

Forecasters are like strippers...they all go along with something they know is never going to happen.

Sounds like the Chargers performance last weekend.

how did we miss this one???

Finally, Fung has a candidate to support...


"I've never known a more stout-hearted defender of a strong America than Alan Keyes." --Ronald Reagan
Hmmm, sounds like there would be even more $hit blowing up...

Tanned, rested and ready to lead.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

George Bush thinks Nelson Mandela is dead and Saddam Hussein killed him?!?!

UPDATE: Apparently, Dumbya was just making a bad analogy here. Or was he? Hard to tell when you're dealing with an idiot as big as he is. I stand by it - Bush thinks that Mandela is an Iraqi and Saddam had him killed. And, of course, if we gave a shit about brutal tyrants we wouldn't have supported Saddam throught the 1980's. Funny sidebar: Dick "Dick" (Dick) Cheney considered Mandela a terrorist. Of course, so did most HYOOOGE amoral a$$holes who didn't find apartheid objectionable.

I mean, there have been hundreds, maybe thousands, of whoppers, but this one may ultimately be the winner:

GWB: Saddam killed Mandelas

Part of the reason why there is not this instant democracy in Iraq is because people are still recovering from Saddam Hussein’s brutal rule. I thought an interesting comment was made when somebody said to me, I heard somebody say, where’s Mandela? Well, Mandela is dead, because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas. He was a brutal tyrant that divided people up and split families, and people are recovering from this. So there’s a psychological recovery that is taking place. And it’s hard work for them. And I understand it’s hard work for them. Having said that, I’m not going to give them a pass when it comes to the central government’s reconciliation efforts.

So is he saying that he meant to invade South Africa? I don't know what's more depressing, that this mindless douchebag was "elected" twice, or that roughly 1/3rd of U.S. Americans still think he's doing a swell job.

aka a bankrobbing in Canada

Hunt On For 100,000 Stolen Beers

Wednesday September 19, 2007

It's a crime that only a Canadian could appreciate - and maybe commit. Peel Police are on the hunt for the culprits who stole two trailers from a Mississauga trucking yard on Wednesday. Inside the massive containers - more than 100,000 bottles and cans of beer.

Cops say the suds stealers crept into the storage spot at 5455 Dixie Road, near Highway 401, just before 4am and they came prepared. They stole two transport trucks to allow them enough space to get the trailers secreted and then made off with their loot undetected. Police say security personnel simply let them leave the complex without a challenge.

One of the containers held more than 69,000 bottles of Moosehead beer, while the other was filled with over 44,000 Moosehead, James Ready Honey Lager and Carlsberg brands. Authorities know their best clue will be the missing big rigs and the contents that were housed in them. None of them should be hard to spot.

One is described as a white 2005 Trailmobile Tri-Axle refrigerated trailer, with New Brunswick license plate THY 189. The other is a shipping container attached to a trailer chassis, bearing the unit #301037.

The trucks used to steal both of them were a blue 2002 Freightliner, with Ontario license plate 811 5TH and a similarly coloured 2003 Freightliner with Ontario plates 967 2VC.

If you've seen any of the evidence that police can use as a sobering clue, call (905) 453-2121, ext. 3313.

the U.S. economy is strong...for gravediggers

U.S. Military Cemetery Runs Out Of Space For Dead Soldiers

A Kansas military cemetery has run out of space after the burial of another casualty of the Iraq war, officials said on Thursday.
“We are full,” said Alison Kohler, spokeswoman for the Fort Riley U.S. Army post, home of the 1st Infantry Division.
U.S. Sens. Sam Brownback and Pat Roberts, both Kansas Republicans, on Thursday sent a letter to William Tuerk, the under secretary for memorial affairs at the Department of Veterans Affairs, urging for full funding for a new cemetery for Fort Riley.
“While a new cemetery would not be completed in time to alleviate this situation immediately, it is vitally important,” Roberts and Brownback, a Republican presidential candidate, said in their letter. Read more…

speaking of dumb Dumbya quotes

"It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."--Dakar, Senegal; 7/8/03

Dumbya Quotes (cont)

“I think I got a B in Econ 101,’’ the president said at a White House press conference this morning. “I got an A, however, in keeping taxes low.'' 9/20/07.

Later on in the press conf..

The president, in a press conference that lasted little longer than a half-hour, repeatedly played off his own image as a poor student, noting that he likes to remind people that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has “the PhD… I’m the C student,’’ he said, but look who’s the leader and who’s the adviser.

It's nice when the President explains so succinctly why the nation is doing as badly as it is...


"The best way I can describe it is it felt like somebody bungee jumped off my right nut," Griffey said.

if true...freaking hysterical

The Astros have reportedly chosen former Phillies GM Ed Wade as their replacement for Tim Purpura. Free agent middle relievers rejoice! The other finalist for the job was former Wade assistant Ruben Amaro Jr., who still works in the Phillies' front office. That the Astros are seemingly aspiring to duplicate Philadelphia's success should be of some concerns to their fans.

In the dictionary under "abysmal failure" there is a picture of Dead Weight's tenure in Philly...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Are The End Times finally here?



Chance Of Rain

Chance Of Showers

Chance Of Showers

Showers Likely
Lo: 58°F
Hi: 69°F
Lo: 56°F
Hi: 69°F
Lo: 55°F
Hi: 70°F
Lo: 56°F

Classic Video

He's downstairs every morning around 9:30...

Darwin Award Nominee (cont)

Police: Legally Blind Man Killed While Driving ATV

COLUMBIANA COUNTY, Ohio -- Police said a local man, who was diagnosed as legally blind, died after crashing his all-terrain vehicle in Columbiana County.

The crash happened on Sunday evening just south of Lisbon on Steubenville Pike Road.

Columbiana County sheriff’s Deputies told NEWS9 that Charles Hoyle, 34, of Boardman was hanging out with friends when he made the decision that ended his life.

Chief Deputy Allen Haueter said Hoyle was with two friends behind a home on Steubenville Pike when he asked one of his friends if he could ride his ATV.

But Haueter said Hoyle didn’t have a license to drive, and that he was considered legally blind.

Haueter told NEWS9 the men helped Hoyle onto the ATV anyways and warned him to go slow, but Hoyle didn't listen.

“When the men put Mr. Hoyle on there, he took off, full acceleration,” said Haueter. “And they were screaming at him to hold back and stop, and they couldn't catch up to him. Then he struck a smaller tree and he hit a larger one head-on.”

Deputies said Hoyle was thrown from the ATV, and died of a head injury on scene.
Haueter also said Hoyle's friends admitted they all had been drinking prior to the accident.
“They advised they'd been drinking but they weren't at a point of no return,” said Haueter. "It shouldn't have happened. It's a tragic accident."

While Hoyle was considered legally blind, he did at one point have a driver’s license, but Haueter said that license expired in 2000.

Natalie Pasquarella, NEWS9

Don't let it get this bad

Forklift Removes 900-Pound Man From Home
By Associated Press
10:12 AM CDT, September 19, 2007

LANSING, Mich. - Firefighters cut a hole in the side of a house and used a forklift to extricate a 900-pound man from his second-floor bedroom after a visiting nurse became worried about his health (is it just me or should they have become worried about 600 pounds ago?). Rescue workers were called in Tuesday by the nurse, who determined the 33-year-old man needed medical help, Fire Chief Tom Cochran said. Cochran said the man had not left his home since 2003.

The man's brother, who lives with him, said he suffers from Prader-Willi Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that creates a chronic hunger feeling that can lead to overeating and life-threatening obesity. Rescue workers brought in a forklift, high enough to raise a platform to a hole cut into the wall of the house. They covered the man with a blue tarp to shield him from onlookers and slid the platform onto a flatbed truck for a trip to Sparrow Hospital.

Chicago Def NYC 957,000 - 691,000

Kanye West tops 50 Cent in rap showdown with biggest sales week in two years

The question of the day for 50 Cent: How’s your golf game?

Kanye West’s “Graduation” sold a whopping 957,000 copies, easily topping the 691,000 sales by 50 Cent’s “Curtis,” Neilsen Soundscan reported Wednesday.

A few weeks ago, 50 Cent (New York rapper Curtis Jackson) said he’d retire if he didn’t outsell West, who grew up on Chicago’s South Side, when their new albums went head-to-head this week for supremacy on the Billboard 200 album chart.

The publicity ploy worked, stirring up a beehive of publicity and contributing to a record-setting week at retail stores: it was the first time the top two albums in the country each topped 600,000 sales since 1991. The best previous opening week this year was 625,000 sales by Linkin Park in May. "Graduation" also had the biggest one-week sales of any album since 50 Cent's second album, "The Massacre," topped 1.1 million in March 2005.

In the process, the rap rivals gave a much-needed boost to music retailers, who had been suffering through a dismal year, with album sales down 14 percent from last year.

Almost lost in the West-50 Cent hub-bub was Kenny Chesney, whose “Just Who I Am: Poets & Pirates” bowed with 387,000 sales, the largest sales week for a country album since the Dixie Chicks’ “Taking the Long Way” sold 526,000 last year.

Rolling in at No. 4 was the "High School Musical 2" soundtrack with 133,000 copies. The top four albums this week accounted for more sales than all titles combined on last week's entire
Billboard 200, reports.

Annuder Case...

... of whitey keeping darky down...

Pope 'refused meeting with Rice'
By David Willey BBC News, Rome

Pope Benedict XVI refused a recent request by US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to discuss the Middle East and Iraq, Vatican sources say.

The Pope refused a request for an audience during the August holidays.

Senior Vatican sources told the BBC the Pope does not normally receive politicians on his annual holiday at the Castelgandolfo residence near Rome.

But one leading Italian newspaper said it was an evident snub by the Vatican towards the Bush


There are at least two reasons why Pope Benedict may have decided peremptorily against a private meeting with Ms Rice.

First, it was Ms Rice who just before the outbreak of the Iraq war in March 2003 made it clear to a special papal envoy sent from Rome, Cardinal Pio Laghi, that the Bush administration was not interested in the views of the late Pope on the immorality of launching its planned military offensive.

Secondly, the US has responded in a manner considered unacceptable at the Vatican to the protection of the rights of Iraqi Christians under the new Iraqi constitution.

The Bush administration has told the Vatican that as coalition forces have not succeeded in securing the whole territory of Iraq, they are unable to protect non-Muslims.

Instead of meeting the Pope, Ms Rice had to make do with a telephone conversation with the

Vatican's number two, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, who was visiting the US during August on other business.

To prove my point, I tried to find an image of Dumbya & Da Pope meeting recently, which I found here. Of course, when you search for anything on the internets, you find funnier $#!+, like this image:

3 days rest: is this ever a good idea?

Carlos Zambrano was ineffective working on three days' rest Tuesday, giving up four runs and seven hits over 5 1/3 innings in a loss to the Reds. Zambrano walked three and struck out just one while falling to 1-4 against Cincinnati this season. As tough of an opponent as the Reds have been for him, this was more of a case of Zambrano just not being any good tonight. Manager Lou Piniella might have made a crucial mistake choosing to bring both Big Z and Ted Lilly back on three days' rest this week.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

this time they've gone too far

Donovan McNabb says black quarterbacks face greater scrutiny

Eagles Fans Give McNabb Three-Week Deadline To Win Super Bowl

PHILADELPHIA—Frustrated with the Eagles' last-second 16-13 loss to the Green Bay Packers last Sunday, and with quarterback Donovan McNabb's failure to single-handedly score three touchdowns, prevent two of his teammates from muffing punts, or block any of Green Bay's field goals, thousands of Philadelphia fans demanded that McNabb win an NFL championship for Philadelphia sometime within the next three weeks.
Enlarge Image Donovan McNabb

"For the last time: How much longer do we have to wait for McNabb to get off his ass?" Eagles fan Jacob Wilkerson said of the five-time Pro Bowler in one of over 1,500 messages addressed to the quarterback left on the Eagles' voicemail Monday. "Come on McNabb, it's time to finish the job. We've been really lenient up to this point, but it's time to hunker down and throw the ball. If you think you need to take the whole three weeks, that's fine, but we would really like it by next Wednesday."

While many football analysts agree that McNabb has done a phenomenally good job in a less-than-ideal situation for the last eight years, blaming Philadelphia's failure to advance to the Super Bowl on such varied areas as undisciplined offensive execution, inconsistent defense, excessive penalties, lackluster pass protection, and almost criminally bad play-calling, fans say they are tired of people making excuses for McNabb.

"So what's our crybaby quarterback going to blame next, the NFL schedule?" fan Ed Cooke said in a call to Radio 610WIP's Howard Eskin. "He's the quarterback. If the team sucks, it's his fault. I think McNabb's lucky we're only asking for one Super Bowl in the next few weeks, because what he owes us is a three-peat by December."

Although he felt McNabb performed respectably, completing 15 of 33 passes for 184 yards with one touchdown and one interception in his first game back since tearing his ACL last season, Eagles head coach Andy Reid pointed out that his quarterback would have to put up much better numbers if he expected to put them in the position to win it all by the end of Week 4.

"This organization expects a lot from Donovan," Reid told a group of angry fans Wednesday. "After all, we did use the second overall draft pick on him eight years ago, and while he's done really well considering we made him run the offense for years with bargain- basement wide receivers and running backs that couldn't stay healthy, I agree that now is the time to finally get something back on our investment."

"Donovan promised us—the Eagles organization and fans alike—great things," said Eagles owner Jeff Lurie, who promised season ticket holders he would sit down with McNabb and make fans' wishes known. "You have all really been great through all of this. No one could ask for a better, more caring, more patient home crowd. The amount of restraint you have shown by not, say, throwing McNabb off the top deck of Lincoln Financial Field is nothing but admirable."

"For my part, I can promise that on Sept. 30 I will make sure that Donovan has the Lombardi trophy on my desk no later than the end of the day," added Lurie, noting that he thought the Eagles' fans were the best fans in the world.

McNabb, whose plans for this week include extra time working with his receivers on timing, studying his playbook, and watching film, said he would be working as hard as he could for the foreseeable future.

"Eagles fans are a passionate group who love their team," said McNabb, "if not the actual players. It's not like winning a Super Bowl before the first month of the season is the hardest thing they've ever asked of me. That'd be all those times they asked me to go kill myself."

"If I work hard and play my game, I'll be fine," McNabb added. "I just hope the fans realize that."

Another Setup

Prosecutors file charges against O.J. Simpson

a HYOOOGE, Skillyesque steaming pile...

News San Diego
Storm headed this way will pack a punch
By Robert Krier
2:04 p.m. September 18, 2007
SAN DIEGO – An intense, winter-like storm is headed toward San Diego County, and the National Weather Service is growing increasingly confident it will pack a punch when it arrives. Forecasters are giving the storm a wide window – sometime between Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning. They say that when it hits, intense downpours, thunderstorms, hail and even snow in the higher mountains are all possible. Weather Service forecaster Ed Clark said the beaches and coastal valleys should get a third to a half inch of rain, and the mountains could get three quarters of an inch. Temperatures around the county will be well below seasonal averages, and the snow level could drop to 6,000 feet Friday. In advance of the storm Wednesday, skies near the coast are expected to be mostly overcast, and there's a slight chance of drizzle. Strong winds should kick up in the mountains and deserts late Wednesday. The storm is expected to be near the Bay Area Wednesday, then move down the Central California coast Thursday. It is forecast to pick up strength before moving inland over Southern California Thursday. Cold storms in September are extremely rare in San Diego. The storm, if it develops as forecast, would be the strongest storm from the northern Pacific in September since 1986, according to the Weather Service. The 1986 storm brought 1.04 inches of rain to San Diego.

And you thought you were having a tough day

'Dead' Man Wakes Up Under Autopsy Knife
A Venezuelan man woke on the autopsy table when examiners cut into his face.

sounds like a perfect time to gut public transit

Travel times getting more unpredictable
A study finds Chicago-area congestion again second-worst in the nation, and ever more volatile.
Congestion choking Chicago region (Graphic)
Traffic maps

Does Da Mare know about dis? Better get dose casinos built quick...

The Best Nickname in Baseball Today

The Hebrew Hammer

and i thought the Eagles offense sucked

Bears Head Coach Lovie Smith remains confident in his team's offense and does not see the need for personnel changes at this point. "I don’t think you make any calls based on what you’ve done after two games," Smith said. "You need to go into the first quarter [of the season] a little bit. The Rex Grossman led offense has one touchdown and six turnovers this season compared to five touchdowns and two turnovers at the same point last season.


The White Sox won a game.
But that's not the worst part.
They scored 11 runs in an inning.
But that's not the worst part.
Danny Richar (who?) hit a homer and a triple in that inning.
But that's not the worst part.
Darin Erstad grounded out twice for two of the outs.
He also went 0-5.
All the other starters got a hit.
Against the Royals.

Things I saw on TV (cont)

The Worlds Greatest Newspaper TV station had a promo for the new season of Beauty and the Geek. One of the girls said something to the effect of "Well, I just had a boob job done, but I see it as an investment, all the free drinks that guys are gonna buy me, because of my boobs, will pay off the investment in my boobs."

Then they had 3 of the ladies on from this year's show, the ones from the Chicagoland area. They decided to ask each one to complete a phrase:

1. Give me liberty or give me (a blank stare)
2. Speak softly, but carry a big (sword! She exclaimed)
3. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this (bridge? She inquired)

I wonder if it's really hard to cast for that show, or disturbingly easy...

Monday, September 17, 2007

We are living in a golden age (cont)

Free-lunch foragers

'Freegans' are a growing subculture that has opted out of capitalism by cutting spending habits and living off consumer waste.

Smiff, mebbe u shud send your waste package to these folks instead...

i couldn't agree more

really...cold to the idea? That's Trachsie for ya, a team player

The Cubs will likely use Steve Trachsel out of the bullpen for the remainder of the season. Trachsel, who last pitched from the pen in 1995, has been pretty cold to the idea. The Cubs have a few days off during the final weeks and might not need a fifth starter. He has struggled since joining the Cubs and isn't worth a spot on fantasy rosters.

Suing coz I can (cont)

Woman drinks acid, sues

Things That Suck (a new feature, now every Monday!)


1) Dumbya & Co. (no explanation necessary)
2) Northwestern football (lost to home...are you $hitting me?)
3) Notre Dame football (no offensive touchdowns in 3 games? what did Charlie Weis ever do to get a 10 year contract extension? i seem to recall Willingham had a winning record there...and got fired. I'm sure race had nothing to do wid dat...)
4) Syracuse football (the basketball season opens against Siena on Nov. 12)
5) The New York Muts (8 losses in a row against the Phillies and THAT pitching staff? Pathetic. The Cubs should be happy to play this bunch of losers...)
6) Chargers' defense (if not for a favorable schedule, they would be $#itcanned)
7) Steven Jackson (2nd best fantasy player in football? MF@.)
8) The Crapfest known as the National League Central.
9) Fox Censors The Flying Nun
10) Fung's Stattracker Scam (tm).

Fungster's eventual fate?

Not the first time this has happened, which is scary...

BEIJING, China (AP) -- A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday.

The 30-year-old man fainted at a cyber cafe in the city of Guangzhou Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.

Don't Miss
Are gadgets, and the Internet, actually addictive?
Sticky Web: Science ponders Internet 'addiction'

Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The
paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.

The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing.

The report said that about 100 other Web surfers "left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man's death."

China has 140 million Internet users, second only to the U.S.. It is one of the world's biggest markets for online games, with tens of millions of players, many of whom hunker down for hours in front of PCs in public Internet cafes.

Several cities have clinics to treat what psychiatrists have dubbed "Internet addiction" in users, many of them children and teenagers, who play online games or surf the Web for days at a time.

We are living in a golden age (cont)

Larry Craig toilet 'tourist site'

The Minneapolis airport toilet where US senator Larry Craig was arrested for allegedly soliciting gay sex is now attracting tourists, say airport staff.

"People are taking pictures," Karen Evans, an information officer at Minneapolis-St Paul international airport, told Associated Press.

Mr Craig, a Republican from Idaho, pleaded guilty in August to disorderly conduct over the toilet incident.

He now says the plea was a mistake and is trying to have it withdrawn.

Depending on the outcome of the case, Mr Craig may reverse his earlier decision to resign by the end of September.

Mr Craig was arrested on 11 June by an undercover airport police officer.

Now it seems that tourists passing through the airport cannot resist the temptation to have a look at the scene.

"We had to just stop and check out the bathroom," said Sally Westby of Minneapolis, on her way to Guatemala with her husband Jon.

"In fact, it's Jon's second time - he was here last week already."

Royal Zino, who works at the shoeshine shop next to the public lavatory, said "it's been crazy".

"People have been going inside, taking pictures of the stall, taking pictures outside the bathroom door."

The politician, who has a record of hostility to gay rights and is a married father-of-three, insists he is not homosexual.

He says police misconstrued his actions at the airport.

a certainty defined

Milton Bradley:
1) great hitter, when healthy, which is infrequent to say the least
2) HYOOOGE asshole, all the time, which is frequent to say the most

Milton Bradley is still likely a few days away from returning from a strained oblique, according to manager Bud Black. And there's a good chance Black will say the same thing come Wednesday or Thursday.

we are living in a golden age (cont'd)

Out with a bang

"Sopranos" wins best drama, but fresh faces share the spotlight.

» Details

because Fung is FULL@$#!+

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