Saturday, April 28, 2007

anudder reason to hate Fox

One of today's pre-game "analysts": Mark Grace. Maybe i've missed him before, but this is the first time i've seen him waxing moronic.

be afraid, be very afraid...

Rich Harden (shoulder) was a little sore after playing catch on Thursday.
Harden rested his arm and shoulder on Friday due to the soreness. He could throw again prior to Saturday's game.

The Awful Adam Eaton

Goes up against Dontrelle Willis tonight...kind of an interesting game because both teams find themselves having the same record as each other and while not much was expected of the Marlins, they have a lot of fun players to watch: Willis, Cabrera, Uggla and Hanley for starters. Meanwhile, the Phils were a lot of people's choices to win the East and they have looked...nebulous.

And while besides Dusty Baker, I don't believe too much about managers ruining things, Charlie Manuel looks like an idiot.

Would it be too much for them to go out and trade for a Jose Capellan or a Michael Wuertz? (Though the Cubs finally do seem to be figuring out that Michael Wuertz actually has some skills...)

Then they wouldn't be in this situation tonight, where Adam Eaton, in all liklihood, will give up a couple homeruns and put them in a position where they need to score seven or eight runs to beat Dontrelle and the Marlins.

Because I think by this point, if they had just left Myers alone, he'd be giving them more good starts by this point, then bad ones. Bad managers never seem to have this idea of "revert to the mean"....

he won't be missed

News headline: McCain's future linked to outcome in Iraq

Fants strike gold again!

James Shields struck out nine Athletics and surrendered just one run in eight innings of work on Friday to pick up the win in a 4-1 Devil Rays' victory.
Shields walked just one and gave up four hits, with the lone run coming on a homer by Bobby Crosby. That James has given up seven homers in five starts is very discouraging, but his 37/7 K/BB ratio is a big plus and he has a fine 3.75 ERA despite all of the homers. He's fine to use against the Twins next time out.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Nobody kicked more ass than Quincy.

Jack Klugman 85 today.

one of many for da Cherries

Bot 6th: Toronto
- A. Lind homered to deep right, A. Rios scored

Shnell, baby!

Ian Snell shut out the Reds for seven innings tonight to pick up his second win of the season.
He walked two and scattered six hits while striking out four. Snell has yet to give up more than two runs in a start, and he's gone exactly seven innings in each of his last four appearances. He's always been capable of big things, so the hot start shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Still, Snell is likely to fall victim to inconsistency at some point. (My Phokking @SS he will, and PRINT IT!)

Why doesn't K-Mad have him already?

MIN AA Plouffe, Trevor SS ......... 5 2 4 2 .340 – HR (3), 2 2B (5)

Crab Queen dissed

Adam Dunn, who was held out of the lineup Thursday for the first time this season, is batting sixth Friday against right-hander Ian Snell.
Dunn is one of three major leaguers to hit 40 homers each of the last three years, he's the only player in Cincinnati's lineup tonight with even one 25-homer campaign to his credit and he's batting .283/.400/.565 against right-handers this season. Still -- and it's definitely time for everyone to face it -- he is no Alex Gonzalez.

Now pee on yourself without worrying about the odor

for da Gov Docs people

longest hearing title?

Romania's ban on intercountry adoptions; disapproval of the Arab League's decision to hold its 2006 summit in Khartoum, Sudan, and calling on the world community to end acts of genocide in the Darfur Region of Sudan; calling on the Socialist Republic of Vietnam to immediately and unconditionally release Dr. Pham Hong Son and other political prisoners; and the Central Asia Democracy and Human Rights Act of 2005 : markup before the Subcommittee on Africa, Global Human Rights, and International Operations of the Committee on International Relations, House of Representatives, One Hundred Ninth Congress, second session, on H. Res. 578, H. Res. 675, H. Con. Res. 320, and H.R. 3189, February 28, 2006


11. Maddogs 123.5
12. Fightin' Bluestem 96.5

dis, too

Mayor Daley's Son Appointed Head Of Illinois Nepotist Party
CHICAGO—Mere weeks after his unusual mid-March graduation from Northwestern University's School of Law, Shaun Daley, son of Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley, was named chairman of the Illinois Nepotist Party Monday.
"I'm thrilled and humbled to be chosen to lead one of Chicago's most beloved and respected political organizations," said Daley, who was sworn in at his family's ancestral residence, the Chicago City Hall. "I swear to you all that I shall do my best to uphold the principles and last name that have made Chicago what it is today."
Daley vowed to use his position to combat unemployment amongst the sons and daughters of Illinois' most prominent politicians and business figures.

it was inevitable

MLB Credits Hank Aaron With 50 Lost Home Runs

"The number 805 will go down as the most prestigious number in sports," said Selig, adding that there is a strong possibility still more of Aaron's home runs could come to the surface during this season, and maybe even the next several seasons to come. "It's not out of the question that Hank could have, say, 900 home runs by the time our investigation is all said and done."

everyone seen dis?

The PECOTA Top 100 Prospects

7. Alexi Casilla??

the BEEELLLION dollar boondoggle

Cubs could sell for over $1B, consultant says

(Crain’s) — Potential bidders should be prepared to up their antes for the Chicago Cubs.

"It’ll go north of $800 meeeelllion, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it went for more than one BEEEEELLLLION DOLLARS," says Marc Ganis, a Chicago-based sports industry consultant, putting out figures higher than earlier ballpark guesses of $600 million...

look for dis not to show up on

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Sorry elviselvisberg and Curt, but anyone with half a brain should have been able to figure out that a pathological war criminal like Dick Cheney (and his neo-con cronies) was selling you a bill of goods on Iraq without relying on the media (and as the Moyers docu shows, it ain’t liberal). Has Curt ever admitted to how wrong he was in supporting the war or publicly campaigning for the RezziDUNCE-in-Chief G. Dumbya? Yes, Gary Thorne was wrong and might be a complete idiot, and you can include the heads on Around the Horn which Curt ripped, but nothing they say or do is dangerous, and no one is getting killed because of it.

what is America searching?

Today's Search Highlights
1. Food Safety
2. Live With Regis and Kelly
3. Arbor Day
4. Fantasy Baseball
5. Missile Defense
6. Sumatran Rhino
7. Numerology
8. Lord of the Rings Online
9. Robot Chicken
10.New Orleans Jazz...

Hendry got one right

Juan Pierre had a nine-game hitting streak snapped when he went 0-for-5 in Thursday's loss.
Just a brutal game for Pierre. In the second, he couldn't make contact on a suicide squeeze attempt, hanging Andre Ethier out to dry. In the eighth, he had Ray Durham's double go off his glove as he attempted to make a running catch, giving the Giants the go-ahead run. Pierre is batting .263/.283/.305, so he hasn't been nearly worth the money so far.

dan dere are lies by pitchers K-Mad owns

Hong-Chih Kuo (shoulder) will pitch one or two innings for Triple-A Las Vegas on Sunday.
"I didn't throw my two-seamer because of the blisters, but I threw everything else," Kuo said. "I felt good, and I'll go to Las Vegas." Kuo will pitch a few weeks for Las Vegas before he factors into the Dodgers' plans. Sweeping up the clubhouse?

there are lies, HYOOGE lies, HYOOGE Bushian lies, and dan dere are lies by pitchers Decker owns

Felix Hernandez (elbow) said Thursday that "the arm feels pretty good."

ETA: Sept. 2009

anyone can do it

Giants win 8th in a row? That team is AWFUL*.

*But Smiff looks pretty smart with Bonds on three teams...

squirrel for dinner?

"Despite the loss, manager Charlie Manuel remained encouraged."

Smiff Shteal (cont'd)

Add dis one to da list:

Jose Cruz tearing it up: .367/.456/.673

expect delays

Mets (Oliver Perez) at Nationals (Matt Chico), 7:05

You think the Padres are good now...

Shawn Estes (Tommy John surgery, sucking big-time) has been throwing 40-pitch bullpen sessions as he works to build up arm strength.
"I expected the worst the second time I threw, and it was the best I've felt," Estes said. "I don't want to fight the clock. If I have to go under the knife again, and miss another year, I'm 36 before I get back on the mound again." Estes doesn't project to be an option for the Padres until late June or early July at the earliest.

i think what Swindler is trying to say is...

da Philliezzz iz phokked...

Alfonseca one of few bright spots in PHI bullpen...The Phillies have recently turned around their slow start by winning 7 of their last 8 games. And while some of their earlier issues were with the performance of their bullpen, one of the players they have not had issues with has been Antonio Alfonseca. Alfonseca, 35, is tied for the most appearances by any Philly pitcher and is sporting a sub 1.00 ERA over those appearances. Unfortunately for him and anyone who has him on their fantasy team, his recent history does not support continued success at this level.

Year IP ERA Ctl Dom Cmd hr/9 H% S% xERA
==== == ==== === === === ==== == == ====
2003 66 5.85 3.7 6.9 1.9 1.0 34 63 3.64
2004 74 2.58 3.4 5.5 1.6 0.6 29 83 3.69
2005 27 4.98 4.6 5.3 1.1 0.7 31 68 4.24
2006 16 5.62 3.9 2.8 0.7 1.7 33 74 4.77
2007 12 0.77 3.1 2.3 0.8 0.0 19 91 3.76

Rarely is there such (shocking!) success based on such pure luck. So far this season just about everything has gone right for Alfonseca. A 19% hit rate and a 91% strand rate are the real reasons his real ERA is 3 runs less than his xERA. His Dom continues to be low as it was last year before being released by the Rangers in mid-June. His performance so far this year may earn him the opportunity to take on more important roles within the Phillies’ bullpen (suckers!), but his skillzzz deficiencies should prevent him from taking on any kind of role for your team.

Sigh, Some Cubs Fans a Soooooooo Stupid

As evidensed by this question even being asked.

was Kent Brockman unavailable?

Commenecement speakers
Lynn University (Fla.)
Boca Raton, Florida
May 12, 2007
Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC's Hardball With Chris Matthews

And... here's a difficult choice:

Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
May 05, 2007
George S. Clinton, composer, will speak at the afternoon ceremony
Ron Ramsey, lieutenant governor and speaker of the Tennessee State Senate, and a Republican (duh), will speak at the morning ceremony

Sarge posing as a Roman general?

The final paragraph is great.

Really? Something was Wrong? Dumbass

Apr 26 The Associated Press' R.B. Fallstrom reports St. Louis Cardinals OF Chris Duncan (head) was not in the starting lineup for the team's game Thursday, April 26, after getting about a dozen stitches for a cut on his head. Duncan had injured himself earlier in the day at his apartment after trying to save time and jumping down three stairs near his door. Duncan entered the game as a pinch-hitter in the eighth and doubled. Duncan wasn't able to get to the stadium in time after getting stuck in traffic. "It was bleeding and I knew something was wrong," said Duncan. "It kind of just split open. I felt like I could play, I just couldn't get here in time."

Bombs incoming!

Analyst spotted on Sportscenter: E Y! Eric Young!!

"Sammy can hit the fastball again."

Thursday, April 26, 2007

take dat, suckers

I am getting a PDA, courtesy of the library (would this ever happen at Northwestern, if monkeys flying outta my butt weren't involved? no). I imagine this will be chiefly used to check ballscores at ALA...

Next pfing you know i'll have one of dose portable phones i see udder people have. Dey walk around wid dem, being really annoying. I've noticed about 2 out of every 3 calls start this way:

"Hello.......hello......HELLO????" Den dey push some buttons and stuff and give up. Den the phone rings again.... "Hello.........."

I can hear me now, "Hello....WHATDAPHOKK?????....phokk dis $#!+...phffflt...."

Define "win."

Everybody dead?

"The president's determined to win in Iraq. I think the bill that they sent us today is mission defeated," said deputy liar Dana Perino. "This bill is dead before arrival."

glad i got da phokk outta dis place

An Evanston skyscraper?

If a "Condo on Every Corner" (new city motto) weren't bad enough...

i feel Decker becoming "physically emotional"

All Too Timely: MLB Mechanics
by Will Carroll
Posted by Will Carroll @ April 26, 2007, 03:35 PM-->
My third (and hopefully not final) piece for’s “Mechanics of Baseball” series is up and available. This one is very timely; we shot these back just before the start of the season and the five pitchers we picked have all missed at least one game so far. I hate being right about this sort of thing.

why should the laws apply to him?

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - David Huckabee, a son of Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, was arrested at an Arkansas airport Thursday after a federal X-ray technician detected a loaded Glock pistol in his carry-on luggage...

The elder Huckabee, who said last week that Virginia Tech gunman Seung-Hui Cho perhaps could have been stopped if a teacher or student had also been armed, also has a concealed weapons permit.

"Give everyone a gun when they get on the plane, that way everyone is equal."
-- Archie Bunker

Cheney's biggest whopper?

There are so many, it's not easy to choose just one.
A small sampling:


But i'm going with "I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."

He was totally, completely, shockingly (not!) wrong, if you will.

Unlike a stopped clock, he's never telling the correct time.

isn't this supposed to be an offensive position?

Top 5 2007 AL First Basemen, by VORP
Player, Team, EqA, VORP
Nick Swisher, OAK, .328, 8.0
Justin Morneau, MIN, .310, 6.4
Ty Wigginton, TBA, .292, 4.7
Eric Hinske, BOS, .495, 3.6
Casey Kotchman, ANA, .294, 2.7

Will Carroll on Mark Prior

"Most of the damage indicates a slow wearing rather than any significant trauma, which puts the blame more on Dusty Baker than anyone else...."

Decker can give Will a "Special Comment":

04-30 1:00 PM ET
Chat with Will Carroll

Olbermann totally spanks Rudy Giuliani

Olbermann’s Special Comment on Giuliani’s Fearmongering: How Dare You, Sir?

What can possibly go wrong?

Crossing off New Zealand from my "must visit soon" list...

News Item: ". . . erupted from a supposedly extinct volcano . . ."
News Item: ". . . the crater that had long been classified as extinct but caused last Tuesday's disaster . . ."
News Item: "New Zealand has come up with a new idea for getting rid of tons of human waste without having to create new landfills: Auckland plans on filling one of its many extinct volcanoes with sewage . . ."

Smiff calling it!

A Cole Hamels no-hitter today.

Home against the AA Nats.

Put in on da board...YES!

i found this liberating...

Great Moments in Punditry

Next up: The penguin takes a flaming dump on the set, and Kondrackula slides through it...

just like my brother - no control whatsoever

Phillies optioned LHP Matt Smith to Triple-A Ottawa.
It's just amazing this didn't happen a week ago. Smith a 1/11 K/BB ratio and an 11.25 ERA over nine appearances. More than anyone else, he's been at the root of the Phillies' bullpen troubles in the early going.

I am deeply and profoundly sorry if anyone is too easily offended by the idea...

but what would be the harm in crapping all over Don Imus' head (kinda looks like somebody already did), if I do it within the context of humor?

nothing to see here, move along, try the veal, etc. (cont'd)

Maybe we should lay summa dese "informational briefings about the political landscape" on doze tarrist phokkers at Gitmo...

before or after we're out of Iraq?

Kerry Wood (shoulder, elbow, hips, knees, hair, ears, nose, throat, naughty bits, ankles, all internal organs, shins, feet, toes, eyes, brains) is expected to begin playing catch later this week.
Wood hasn't thrown since he felt tightness in every part of his body two weeks ago. There is no timetable for his return to the Cubs.

was Carrot Top unavailable?

Commencement Speakers

Dallas Christian College
Dallas, Texas
May 11, 2007
Harriet E. Miers, former White House counsel

Liberty University
Lynchburg, Virginia
May 19, 2007
Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

Regent University
Virginia Beach, Virginia
May 5, 2007
Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts and a Republican candidate for president

Roger Williams University
Bristol, Rhode Island
May 19, 2007
Peter and Bobby Farrelly, writers and directors of such films as Dumb and Dumber and There's Something About Mary

Tri-State University
Angola, Indiana
May 5, 2007
Myles Brand, president of the National Collegiate Athletic Association

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
May 12, 2007
Newt Gingrich, former speaker of the U.S. House of Dumber and Dumberer

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


LoC Launches Its First-Ever Blog

like i need da scum-slimes to tell me annyadis

Rain slows commutes
Army report: More substandard care
Plutocrats dizzy over Dow record close
Weather TOTALLY crappy
Prior out for season (not saying which season)
CTA | Regular maintenance delays

democracy, and why it never works

I just made you all administrators, so you should all be able to get to the template now.

My God is Yahoo Useless

The very definition of useless:

Bottom 5th: Chi Cubs
- M. Wise relieved M. Wise
- D. Lee homered to deep left
- A. Ramirez lined out to right
- M. Barrett flied out to deep left

Bottom 6th: Chi Cubs
- M. DeRosa flied out to right center

uh, he's not an amputee

Will Mark Prior ever pitch in the majors again?
36.0% Yes (833 responses)
64.0% No (1478 responses)
2311 total responses
(Poll results not scientific, but idiotic)

These are Cubs fanz? Yes.

gotta love the aggressiveness (cont'd)

So you got yer best hitter at the plate and one out...could have runners on 1st and 2nd...naturally, this being the Cubs, you want to give an out away...

Bottom 3rd: Chi Cubs
- T. Lilly singled to shortstop
- R. Theriot grounded into fielder's choice, T. Lilly out at second
- C. Floyd singled to right, R. Theriot out at third
- D. Lee grounded into fielder's choice, C. Floyd out at second

Smiff v. Texas (cont'd)

Smiff stays alive to fight anudder day...

Shocking Development

I hope you're sitting down.

"I'm full@$#!+!"

New: McCain makes it official

All this for only $19.95

Become a Founding Member of the Cubs Club,the new official Cubs baseball online fan club! Cubs Club members will receive benefits unavailable to other fans,including your very own 2007 Membership Card,'s Gameday Audiofor the 2007 regular season, exclusive ticket offers and much more. Join the Cubs Club by May 1st in order to receive an exclusive ticketopportunity for the May 20th game against the Chicago White Sox. Plus, since this is the inaugural season of the Cubs Club,this is your only chance to become a Founding Member! Cubs Club membership benefits include:
* 2007 Membership Card
* Subscription to Gameday Audio
* Exclusive ticket offers for members
* Exclusive members-only e-mail
* Special access to members-only pages on
* Other exclusive offers & opportunities throughout the season

how sweep it is

Today's losing lineup:

Chi Cubs
R. Theriot ss
C. Floyd lf
D. Lee 1b
A. Ramirez 3b
M. Barrett c
J. Jones rf
M. DeRosa 2b
F. Pie cf
T. Lilly p

Hello New Orleans

NY Mets IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA
M. Pelfrey 3.0 8 6 6 1 1 1 7.90

And da kicker is he gave up a HR to John Mabry.

let's phokk up anudder one

Faraway planet may be habitable

I think we won!

The Long War Is Over (woo-hoo!)

The change "is a product of our ongoing effort to use language that describes the conflict for our Western audience while understanding the cultural implications of how that language is construed in the Middle East," Lt. Col. Matthew McLaughlin, a spokesman for the command, said in an e-mail message.

Wow... dude talks all faggy an s#i+ for a Lieutenant Colonel... I thought da RezzziDUNCE wanted us to mistrust people who could think and s#i+?

I phink what he's sayin is we need to figger out a way to bulls#i+ the American public into numb resignation without getting our @**es blown off jihadi-style...

Enjoy the Veal, and get your stomach pumped

Smitty may be here all week, but I don't think he's going to enjoy the veal. Donald Veal through his first 4 AA starts:

0-4 10.57 15.1 IP 20 H 18BB 13K.

He's not even as "good" as Wade Miller right now.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

doing the little things

Erstad reached on a catcher's interference in the 1st tonight.

You gotta love the aggressiveness.

Ozzie probably creamed his pants.