Friday, January 16, 2009

Say it ain't So!

The Cubs have reportedly agreed to a minor league deal with outfielder So Taguchi.
Assuming that Felix Pie is gone, Taguchi would battle Joey Gathright for a job as a reserve outfielder in spring training. However, it'd be one of those cases in which a team would much prefer to see the younger player win the job. Taguchi hit .220/.283/.297 in 91 at-bats for the Phils last year.


Whitey, whitey, whitey

Lawyers quit impeachment case, call it a 'lynching'

You can't call it a lynching. How the heck would you know what a, oh, wait, that's right, you used to dish 'em out so you are intimately familiar with the process. Never mind...

I knew K-Mad would want to read the last one...

Dana Perino, at last White House briefing says "go easy" on successor Robert Gibbs "for a week"

MS. PERINO: Welcome, everyone, to the last press briefing of the Bush administration. It's hard to believe that this is my 145th and final press briefing behind this podium. Over 1,000 briefings have been given by press secretaries and deputy press secretaries, at this podium, since the beginning of the administration -- starting, of course, with our very good friend (and tremendous asshole--ed.), Ari Fleischer.

I've been honored to have been able to speak on President Bush's behalf and it's been a privilege to take your questions....

Speaking of JTP, any news from Gaza?

So much for removing 10 zeros

Zimbabwe rolls out Z$100tr note 


Chicago windchills plunge to dangerous


Too cold to fix potholes, be mayor |
Why do you live here? Really, WHY?? | Photos
• Weather: Skilling | Forecast, conditions, FULLASHIT |
Wind chill, brain freeze warning
• Watch and listen: The lakefront at sunrise (sun?)
• How to survive: Advice from Fargo (wood chipper?) |
Tips from doormen ("Go inside, moron!")
• But don't do this: Indiana boy licks light pole,
gets stuck (Triple-dog dared)
• Frozen Off Limbs: Your photos | Your comments

0 day, 23 hours, 12 minutes, 53 seconds since Chicago's
temperature dropped below 0

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Smiff discovers world's largest lima bean

Smiff showing his true colors?

And what's he doing in Reno anyway?

The last time Tim Cook ran Apple

under comments:

Dead in 3 months.

Posted By mike smith, reno, nv : January 15, 2009 12:08 pm

Then Smiff decided to be more generous a few minutes later...

I see a future dead man
I give him 4-5 months to live

Posted By mike smith, reno, nv : January 15, 2009 12:18 pm


Still not official until it goes up on the mausoleum

Roland Burris sworn in as senator to replace Obama (AP)


Life imitates the movies (cont'd)

HAMMOND, Ind. - In a scene straight out of the movie "A Christmas Story," a 10-year-old Hammond boy got his tongue stuck to a metal light pole.

Police say the unidentified 4th grader was able to tell them a friend had dared him to lick the pole Wednesday night. Temperatures in Hammond were around 10 degrees at the time.

By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy was able to yank his tongue off the frozen pole.

Police say ambulance personnel explained to the boy's mother how to care for his bleeding tongue.

Cheney on Iraq: all Saddam's fault... and Clinton's...

LEHRER: The President has also said that mistakes -- he made some mistakes in the last eight years. Did you make any?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, make mistakes -- I can think of places where I underestimated things. For example, when you talk about Iraq, the extent of which the Iraqi population had been beaten down by Saddam Hussein was greater than I anticipated. That is, we thought that the Iraqis would be able to bounce back fairly quickly, once Saddam was gone and their new government established, and step up to take major responsibilities for governing Iraq, building a military and so forth. And that took longer than I expected. (Riiight... it couldn't have been your infantile assumption that destroying a country and removing a government in a country with centuries-long animosities is a good way to start a country on the path to democracy... Oh yeah, "bounce back" -- like in the cartoons where Wile E. Coyote blows up and then wiggles his head a few times and his face regenerates itself? Well reality ain't Road Runner, @ss#hole...Ed.).

Q When you look back on that, why? How did that miscalculation come about?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, we didn't have that good of intelligence (bad brainzzz... Ed.) I don't think, with respect to sort of a state of affairs inside Iraq. A lot of that had been wiped out over the years. Saddam Hussein was so brutal, killed so many people, slaughtered so many innocents, that it had a lasting effect on Iraqi society that was greater than I expected. . .

Q But Mr. Vice President, getting from there to here, 4,500 Americans have died, at least 100,000 Iraqis have died. Has it been worth that?


Q Why?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Because I'm a soulless, blood sucking, creature of the night. Well what he actually said is here.

Still, there has to be a way to pin all this on Slick Willie...

THE VICE PRESIDENT: No. I think the argument that this is a failed presidency is just dead wrong. I think we'll hear that from some of our critics, but when I look back at what we've been able to do, we dealt with big issues, we didn't deal with school uniforms. We dealt with the fact that we brought down two of the worst regimes in the 20th century, the Taliban in Afghanistan and Saddam Hussein in Iraq.

We were forced -- when we arrived, shortly after we arrived -- to have to deal with the global war on terror, which had not been managed properly before that. We ended up inheriting this situation, which has been very challenging, but we've been very successful at it. And when you look at what we've been able to do, both in terms of our activities overseas, as well as our operations that allowed us to block any further attack against the United States here at home, I think those are great successes. And I think there aren't very many administrations that can point to successes on that scale.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Once K-Mad drafts him, he'll be on a slow boat back to China w/o either of his labrums

Tigers signed LHP Fu-Te Ni to a minor league contract and invited him to spring training. An agreement was reached last month, but the Tigers announced it today. Ni, 26, went 5-12 with a 3.34 ERA and a league-leading 132 strikeouts in 145 1/3 innings for his team in Taiwan last season. The sidearmer is highly unlikely to make it as a starter in the majors, but perhaps he could have some success in the bullpen.

Jumpin on the Bandwagon

It's the Cyclones and Sarge is in charge!

Mmmm. Burger. Aaaaaargh.

Ditch 10 Facebook friends, get a free sandwich

Fung doesn't have enuff friends to make dis sacrifice yet. But perhaps some of you popular folks are in dire straights & need food...

Crazy Japanese (cont)

Rent-a-friend in Japan

Now I know why Sarge likes the orient, he likes being "rented"...

I am shocked...

SHOCKED... to wake up to discover the complete and udder absence of any semblance of a blizzard.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Six Faces of Stupid Evil Asshole

Hah! Suckers! Wait... here? Oh, s#i+...

Blizzard, bitter cold, freezing locusts in forecast

A blizzard warning is in effect for late tonight through noon Tuesday.

A blizzard with whiteout conditions is expected. The warning was an upgrade from an earlier blizzard watch.

The National Weather Service said a strong winter storm system across the Dakotas will reach northern Illinois and northwest Indiana by tonight. There is a likelihood of falling and blowing snow with strong winds and extremely limited visibility.

Accumulating snow is expected to begin this afternoon, with 2 to 5 inches possible across far northern Illinois and 1 to 3 inches elsewhere, the weather service said.

Strong northwest winds gusting to 35 m.p.h. will result in significant blowing and drifting snow and possible blizzard or near-blizzard conditions overnight into Tuesday morning. Visibility may be less than a quarter-mile, and travel will become extremely dangerous and may become nearly impossible, the weather service warned.

Arctic air moving into the area behind the system is expected to produce windchills of 15 degrees below zero to 20 below late tonight into Tuesday morning. . .


The Bears have added former Lions coach Rod Marinelli to the coaching staff. What do you think?
Good move (1331 responses)
Bad move (339 responses)
Let's wait and see (514 responses)
2184 total responses (Results IDIOTIC)

Isn't there a law against this?

Mike North and Dan Jiggetts' TV show debuts


worrying that this didn't generate a good LoC rant yet

"Let’s get this straight from the start: When it comes to my Hall of Fame ballot, I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to be a curmudgeon with a ridiculously high standard — not when the standard for election is 75 percent.

So, by design, I have decided that if I can make a good case for a player, I am going to vote for him.

Sometimes I surprise even myself. I did it this year, checking eight names the first day I considered the ballot and going back to add a ninth just before putting it in the mail. That would be Mark Grace, the guy who sometimes seemed as much a politician as a player during his 13 seasons as the Cubs’ first baseman.

He didn’t hit for power, which is the first thing most people look for in a first baseman. But otherwise he was terrific: .303 career average, more than 11/2 walks for every strikeout, elite fielding skills, leadership in the clubhouse. He led the majors in hits in the 1990s, with 180-plus in seven of those seasons.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Mistakes were made

This is CNN - we report, therefore it is.

Deceased K-Mad Pitchers (A Partial List)

It's Hot Stove Heater Time! And at Lattice of Coincidence, that means taking a look back at the freak show that is KMad's hatred of pitchers and all they stand for. He would kill one the way a storm trooper would kill an ewok. The way that Tom Cruise would a psychiatrist. The way that Dick Cheney would an innocent sleepy infant suckling at her mother's breast.

Here is a list compiled of Deceased KMad pitchers (an * means they are or were also members of the Blue Ward Cyclones Baseball Collective of Brooklyn, New York).

1. Taylor Buchholtz
2. Cole Hamels (*)(?); Ryan Madsen (?); Brad Lidge (?) - Smiff was raving in the post and not quite clear
3. Eric Bedard (killed very dead)
4. Eric Hurley
5. Manny Acosta
6. Brett Myers (*)
7. Pat Misch
8. Will Ledezma
9. Ross Ohlendorf
10. John Bale
11. Joey Devine
12. Al Reyes
13. Phil Hughes (*)(doomed)
14. Ian Kennedy (like a deer on train tracks with a broken leg)
15. Geremi Gonzalez (struck by lighting, actually dead.)
16. Andrew Miller
17. Justin Dusherer
18. Pedro Martinez
19. Carlos Carrasco
20. Greg Miller (*)
21. Micha Owings
22. Manny Corpus (*)
23. Scott Olsen
24. Zach Duke
25. Josh Johnson
26. Andy Pettite
27. Juan Cruz (*)

Those classified as Soon To Be Deceased, in which KMad is still stirring the pot of his hatred (some of the above were originally listed with this designation)

1. Johann Santana
2. Eri Yoshida (she's 16, she's beautiful and she's KMad' meal!)
3. Andrew Cashner
4. Clayton Kershaw (*)
5. Felix Hernandez (*)
6. Joakim Soria (1/2* - was offered to the Cyclones for Danny Graves - whoops)