This is why we fail.

Love this article. But even better are the comments.

How can you not love this. Comment 1.10

ARTICLE:

When Danford planted watermelons last year, he estimates he paid a trucking company close to $10 million to transport them.

COMMENTER:

10 million? Is that a misprint? If he can spend that much on transportation, then he can pay more than $10 an hour.

ARTICLE:

But what if he paid a higher hourly wage? The going rate now is $10 an hour. "The [pickle] company wouldn't buy it from you then," [the farmer] says. They'd turn to suppliers in other states where labor is cheaper -- states that allow undocumented immigrants to continue working under the radar.

COMMENTER:

Could someone please explain to me how this works? Why would the pickle company care how much you pay your workers? I guess I am ignorant in the ways of farming.

That comment is precious to me. You had me at ... . Oh well, nevermind.

Another commenter pointed out that the farmer had essentially admitted to hiring illegal laborers and should be jailed. The big tent of the right. Small government, big jails.

Can you tell which news story is fake and which one actually appeared in the Onion?

Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."

The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.

"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."

Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.

"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."

"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"

Ammo Sales Spike Continues Months After Obama Elected

Bullet-makers are working around the clock, seven days a week, and still can't keep up with the nation's demand for ammunition.

Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they have never seen such shortages. Bullets, especially for handguns, have been scarce for months because gun enthusiasts are stocking up on ammo, in part because they fear President Barack Obama and the Democratic-controlled Congress will pass antigun legislation — even though nothing specific has been proposed and the president last month signed a law allowing people to carry loaded guns in national parks.

Spot the Brain Cell

Where were K-Mad's commencement speaker reports this year?

Like "Larry the Cable Guy" at some community college in Texas?

Well, did anyone get a get as good as the "Idiocracy" guy? An UCSD alumnus, i might add:

Graduating seniors, graduate students, family members, friends and alumni are all invited to participate in the second annual All Campus Graduation Celebration on Friday, June 12, at 5 p.m. on RIMAC field. The campus-wide event will include an alumni grad mixer, picnic-style dinner, fireworks display and ceremony where Mike Judge, '85, an alumnus of UC San Diego and creator behind "Office Space" and "King of the Hill," will serve as keynote speaker.
~

Idiocracy! The network premiere - Comedy Central, Sunday 10pm Effete Snob Time, 9pm God's Time

If this doesn't make you want to watch it, you probably don't want to watch it.

on perfecting the art of keeping people who have been foreclosed on and other undesirables away from the voting booth (cont'd)

Encouraging signs everywhere... but nobody has had the balls to establish a poll tax?

* In Colorado and New Mexico there are not enough voting booths or machines for Election Day.
* Students in Virginia are receiving probing questionnaires from voting officials falsely implying they don't have the right to vote there.
* In Ohio alone, more than 600,000 newly-registered voters are threatened with purging.
* There are reports of sometimes-illegal mass voter roll purges in Michigan, New Mexico, Florida, Georgia, Colorado and other states. Several states are even purging voter rolls of people who are "Bob" on driver's licenses and "Robert" on voter registration forms.
* Officials in Indiana are avoiding setting up polling places in areas of the state heavily populated by minorities.
* The Republican Party in Michigan planned to challenge the registrations of every voter whose home had been foreclosed on recently.
* ACORN, which has been held out as a bogeyman for voter fraud (though only 26 TOTAL cases of voter fraud were prosecuted nationwide from 2002 - 2005), has bad registration rates below the California Republican Party's and a lawsuit alleging fraud in 2004 was dismissed by a judge for lack of merit.
* And, of course, there are ongoing worries across the country about electronic voting machines.

Why socialize banks?

Because that's where the money is, scro!

Talk to the paw, hocky momz...

But an examination of her swift rise and record as mayor of Wasilla and then governor finds that her visceral style and penchant for attacking critics — she sometimes calls local opponents “haters” — contrasts with her carefully crafted public image.

Further Evidence of the Idiocrazation of America

Only 74% of "baseball fans" chose Hank Aaron as the greatest Brave of all-time. Eddie Mathews slighted as well. People are morans.

1) Who is the all-time greatest player in Braves history?
73.9% Hank Aaron (1954-1974):The most consistent player in MLB history. All-time RBI and total bases leader. 755 HRs.
7.2% Greg Maddux (1993-2003):Won four Cy Youngs in a row during mid-90s.
5.7% Chipper Jones (1993-present):One of the top three switch-hitters in MLB history.
4.9% Warren Spahn (1942-1964):Won 356 games with Braves.
3.2% John Smoltz (1988-present):Converted from ace starter to ace closer and back.
3.0% Dale Murphy (1976-1990):Back-to-back MVP seasons in 1982 and 1983.
0.7% Tom Glavine (1987-2002, 2008):Won 20 or more games five times with Atlanta.
0.6% Eddie Mathews (1952-1966):512 home runs rank him 20th all time.
0.4% Phil Niekro (1964-1983, 1987):Knuckleballer's 24-year career started and ended with the Braves.
0.2% Andruw Jones (1996-2007):Elite defensive outfielder hit 51 home runs in 2005.
~

Christian cronyism (cont'd)

Justice Officials Repeatedly Broke Law on Hiring, Report Says (Irony Not Intended)

Former Justice Department counselor Monica M. Goodling and former chief of staff D. Kyle Sampson routinely broke the law by conducting political litmus tests on candidates for jobs as immigration judges and line prosecutors, according to an inspector general's report released today.

Goodling passed over hundreds of qualified applicants and squashed the promotions of others after deeming candidates insufficiently loyal to the Republican party, said investigators, who interviewed 85 people and received information from 300 other job seekers at Justice. Sampson developed a system to screen immigration judge candidates based on improper political considerations and routinely took recommendations from the White House Office of Political Affairs and Presidential Personnel, the report said.

Goodling regularly asked candidates for career jobs, "What is it about George W. Bush that makes you want to serve him?" the report said. (Great rezziDUNCE? Or, the greatest rezziDUNCE? Where do you see George Bush in five years? If you could be any kind of sycophant, which kind would you be? Ed.) One former Justice Department official told investigators she had complained that Goodling was asking interviewees for their views on abortion, according to the report.

Here's annudder shocker: Goodling is part of the Regent University army in the Bush White House.

According to Regent University, more than 150 of its graduates have been hired by the federal government since George W. Bush came to office in 2001.

-- The Wikipedia

Motto: "Christian Leadership to Change the World." Yes.

Grandpa Fights Back

For the first time since shortly after clinching the Democratic nomination, we now have Barack Obama as less than a 60 percent favorite to win the election. Our simulations presently project Obama to win the election 58.4 percent of the time, with McCain winning the remaining 41.6 percent.

War Isn't News

"If I were to watch the news that you hear here in the United States, I would just blow my brains out because it would drive me nuts."
-- Lara Logan, chief foreign correspondent for CBS News

Why does Lara hate free markets? The media give the people what they want, and war is really depressing. (And the people are pretty stupid.)

Classic RezziDUNCE

Most Used Labels (updated)

stooooooopid (132)
FULLA$#i+ (110)
totally phokked (93)
Bushian (90)
that's so America (87)
we are living in a golden age (cont'd) (83)
expect delays (75)
SHOCKING (74)
bad ideas (73)
s#i+ blowing up (68)
whitey keeping darky down (cont) (64)
he SUCKS (59)

The top 5 remain the same, with we are living in a golden age (cont) shooting up two spots, and bad ideas falling 3 spots. The 12 above were the top 12 before, so we need to start rooting for some of the lower ones. I'm rooting for Idiocracy myself, with Fung needs a suga mommie a close second.

We also perhaps need an analysis grouping some of the similar ones together - like the brain-dead's and the how to suck at and the whitey/darky ones. Also the ones that have one of us mentioned - though I think K-Mad destroys us there.

Well, off to the Florian...

World's Awfulest Newspaper to Get Awfuler, or: only 4 months until McCain is elected...

Chicago Tribune to cut 80 newsroom jobs

In related news:

So how dumb are we?

and...

Bob Edwards Radio.com explores Rick Shenkman’s new book, “Just How Stupid Are We?: Facing the Truth About the American Voter“:

–Only 2 in 5 voters can name the three branches of the federal government.

–Only 1 in 7 can find Iraq on a map.

–Only 1 in 5 know that there are 100 federal senators.

–Two out of three people you see on the street think the First Amendment "goes too far."

And the most chilling…

–Nearly half (49%) of Americans think the President has the authority to suspend the Constitution.

American Ingenuity (cont)

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

Is the insanity going to end in 235 days???

She wasn't wearing a flag pin, either...

Dunkin’ Donuts caves to the right’s fear of clothing accessories

”In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial.”

next on k-mad's fun summer reading list after the book on genocide

Clarke minces no words in his examination of the breadth and depth of the mediocrity, entropy, and collapse endemic in America's national security programs. In order for the United States to stop its string of strategic mistakes, we first need to understand why they happen. Drawing on his thirty years in the White House, Pentagon, State Department, and intelligence community, Clarke gives us a privileged, if horrifying, look into the debacle of government policies, discovering patterns in the failures and offering ways to stop the cycle once and for all.

Everything's for sale

It looks like the Cubs are now selling the off days on their Cubs.com schedule.

Check out May 22nd. Next up Sam Zell will sell the naming rights to his goatee.

numbers schmumbers... why should we just count numbers, as if they were like votes or some s#i+?

Dis took balz...

"We don't think this is just going to be about some numerical metric," Clinton strategist Geoff Garin told Dan Balz in the April 23 Washington Post. "When we get to those days after June 3rd, we think the real choice is who's proven themselves to be the best candidate."