Showing posts with label and Smiff has hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label and Smiff has hair. Show all posts
Friday, November 11, 2011
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Smiff Reign of TERROR!!!!
Smiff - a reign of Terror unseen since French Times...
What sticks in the craw.
What makes the rain sad.
What makes ice cream taste like salt.
A pretty girl walks down the street in a yellow dress and you don't even notice.
Defeat.
Defeat, an old unwelcome friend with the chilly embrace and the long thin fingers that unwind across your back. October.
The Wellness Center All-Star League.
Smiff is champion again. Say it with me. Say it one time, say it twice. Say it three times, say it four. Smiff is champion again.
Evil triumphs. The hero is thrown from the horse. The villain has the jewels.
Was it a collapse? Undoubtedly. But to claim it was just a collapse would be to deny the evil genius of a man who never made a waiver claim gone wrong. Who combs the free agent pool leaving gold trails along the discarded names as he plucks the nugget from the rough and washes it to a shine in the MI position. Or in the C2 position.
Holds.
In the long days of summer it seemed the leaves would live forever, so strong they held the sunlight in a gleam and the moonlight in mystery. Joe Mauer would double and the crowd would be disappointed. Lincecum would allow a run to gasps from the crowd. Even Cole Hamels only sucked a little.
And the Lord Viper Scorpians were sucking air. Or did they just plot?
Was this rope-a-dope?
We know what the evil genius would say. But we know also that in the dark night of his soul, a blackness that could only be imagined, like a black hole, or some Vernesian vortex in the middle of some lost ocean, there were many 7 for 37s with a double and a couple rbi. A quarter score of double plays to sicken what gleam of hope attempted to make its way down into the dark depths of the Viper soul.
Yet Smiff plotted. Tireless fingers worked the waiver strings and his master puppeteering began to pay results in the shorter days, the longer, hot August nights.
Smiff was reborn. A Phoenix of the Seventh Circle ascending.
We fought. We traded. We prayed for rain. Hamels began to pitch like an asshole again. In a surprise to nobody, Harden, a wounded bird on a hot porch, foundered with stunted wing. The Cyclones fell, Icarus-like, toward the vortex opening beneath them.
Still they fought. Thrashed. Sighed at the emptiness of a middle infield that Sahara like stretched empty to the farthest horizons. Aye, there was no there there. And yet they walked. Wary eyes on the riders approaching from the rear on the dark horses.
The moon lit their reflections red and for weeks trails were covered up as we hid among the dunes of our early fortune.
But the windstorm of the Viper Elefantes did duel with the Cyclones and fate had it that this is the Wellness Center, and the tie goes to the Champion of long-standing.
This year.
But this year is the bookend to the beginning of a dynasty.
Yes. It is the end.
The Smiff has been bloodied. He needed the miracle of Charbeanaeuan incompetence to save him. What next year when others rise to compete? Will the Foleys don the armor of the noble challenger? Will Kevin fight for the honor of the librarian? Will Desiree finish yet another marathon?
Will the Beej uncover untold riches in the aging lumber of hungry veterans? Will Zak awake to the cries of a child in the early night only to be struck with the inspiration of a real trade offer?
Will the chemists of the West Coast alchemize the gold shield to dismiss the spears of Smiff's genius?
Will it be Corms again, his genius shined after his years in the wilderness of the basement?
It will be some or it will be all of us.
Yes, Smiff will languish in the tower of sorrows.
Smiff,
You will lose. Your race is run. The stops have been put out and you enjoy another fat winter. But the spring rains will be cold this year. And the August nights will be full of the pestering bites of misfortune. September will be the bitter harvest of your evil genius.
You will lose.
You will lose.
You are champion. You will lose.
What sticks in the craw.
What makes the rain sad.
What makes ice cream taste like salt.
A pretty girl walks down the street in a yellow dress and you don't even notice.
Defeat.
Defeat, an old unwelcome friend with the chilly embrace and the long thin fingers that unwind across your back. October.
The Wellness Center All-Star League.
Smiff is champion again. Say it with me. Say it one time, say it twice. Say it three times, say it four. Smiff is champion again.
Evil triumphs. The hero is thrown from the horse. The villain has the jewels.
Was it a collapse? Undoubtedly. But to claim it was just a collapse would be to deny the evil genius of a man who never made a waiver claim gone wrong. Who combs the free agent pool leaving gold trails along the discarded names as he plucks the nugget from the rough and washes it to a shine in the MI position. Or in the C2 position.
Holds.
In the long days of summer it seemed the leaves would live forever, so strong they held the sunlight in a gleam and the moonlight in mystery. Joe Mauer would double and the crowd would be disappointed. Lincecum would allow a run to gasps from the crowd. Even Cole Hamels only sucked a little.
And the Lord Viper Scorpians were sucking air. Or did they just plot?
Was this rope-a-dope?
We know what the evil genius would say. But we know also that in the dark night of his soul, a blackness that could only be imagined, like a black hole, or some Vernesian vortex in the middle of some lost ocean, there were many 7 for 37s with a double and a couple rbi. A quarter score of double plays to sicken what gleam of hope attempted to make its way down into the dark depths of the Viper soul.
Yet Smiff plotted. Tireless fingers worked the waiver strings and his master puppeteering began to pay results in the shorter days, the longer, hot August nights.
Smiff was reborn. A Phoenix of the Seventh Circle ascending.
We fought. We traded. We prayed for rain. Hamels began to pitch like an asshole again. In a surprise to nobody, Harden, a wounded bird on a hot porch, foundered with stunted wing. The Cyclones fell, Icarus-like, toward the vortex opening beneath them.
Still they fought. Thrashed. Sighed at the emptiness of a middle infield that Sahara like stretched empty to the farthest horizons. Aye, there was no there there. And yet they walked. Wary eyes on the riders approaching from the rear on the dark horses.
The moon lit their reflections red and for weeks trails were covered up as we hid among the dunes of our early fortune.
But the windstorm of the Viper Elefantes did duel with the Cyclones and fate had it that this is the Wellness Center, and the tie goes to the Champion of long-standing.
This year.
But this year is the bookend to the beginning of a dynasty.
Yes. It is the end.
The Smiff has been bloodied. He needed the miracle of Charbeanaeuan incompetence to save him. What next year when others rise to compete? Will the Foleys don the armor of the noble challenger? Will Kevin fight for the honor of the librarian? Will Desiree finish yet another marathon?
Will the Beej uncover untold riches in the aging lumber of hungry veterans? Will Zak awake to the cries of a child in the early night only to be struck with the inspiration of a real trade offer?
Will the chemists of the West Coast alchemize the gold shield to dismiss the spears of Smiff's genius?
Will it be Corms again, his genius shined after his years in the wilderness of the basement?
It will be some or it will be all of us.
Yes, Smiff will languish in the tower of sorrows.
Smiff,
You will lose. Your race is run. The stops have been put out and you enjoy another fat winter. But the spring rains will be cold this year. And the August nights will be full of the pestering bites of misfortune. September will be the bitter harvest of your evil genius.
You will lose.
You will lose.
You are champion. You will lose.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Well, I'm starting a "My S#i+ Don't Stink" campaign...
Bush aiming to establish positive legacy
I'm putting one thing in the positive column for now: did not start war with Iran. Of course, this could change by tomorrow. Can't think of anything else. Anyone?
I'm putting one thing in the positive column for now: did not start war with Iran. Of course, this could change by tomorrow. Can't think of anything else. Anyone?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Another Thing I Hate: The L Train
To content myself until the next time Will Carroll has a chat, I include my complaint letter to the MTA:
Discussion Thread
---------------------------------------------------------------
Customer (a decker) - 01/12/2008 02:45 AM
It took an hour and a half to get from First Avenue to Nassau tonight.
And this is after sitting around and having to let trains go four of five mornings this week because they were too crowded to get on. One day I had to let two trains go by before I could get on one. Which is better than one of the days last week when I had to let three go by. I leave with a forty-five minute cushion between when I should get to work and when I could logically expect to if the L train doesn't suck but isn't ideal. Twice in the last couple weeks I've walked in right at the time I was due in - that means the L train was running forty-five minutes slower than I could logically expect it to, during rush hour, in terms of actually being able to get on and get to work. One time, I have to admit, it wasn't the train's fault - I waited for a bus in Greenpoint (ha haha - I
mean I should know better to do that - faster to walk the 22 minutes pretty much everyday - but that's another matter).
I really don't think you guys know what you're doing.
Everyday it amazes me that I have no choice but to pay for service that is infuriating, uncomfortable and inconvenient. Seriously, why am I paying $76 a month for this? Why?
Why is it that if I try to travel anywhere when it's not rush hour the G train is closed, the L train is running on one track on no tracks or just kind of showing up and running in seven sections and it's all the time. The damn thing never works. And then when it does work, you run three trains one right after the other and then one doesn't run for ten minutes...and the things are so crowded - try getting on one of those trains.
The tipping point was tonight - I didn't want to complain - I know you guys have a tough job - but the inferior quality of service is to such a dismal low that it needs to be commented on. You are not doing a good job. I sometimes wonder if you are doing what you claim to do at all - that is, transport New York City with any kind of economy and skill.
I love New York, and when I move eventually, I will miss it terribly, I will content myself with the fact that I do not have to think about the L train everyday.'
Response
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dear L line customer:
As your new line general manager, you have my commitment to improve your ride with us. Your comments are important to me in reaching that goal, and I thank you for writing. Please know that I will review each e-mail personally, and contact you if I need more information. The line general manager program is a new concept, and I look forward to your support in making it a success.
Sincerely,
Greg Lombardi
Response to the Response
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Greg,
What would you like me to do to help make it a success? Would you like me to get down there and dig? At this point, I would.
One day, I will wake up, George Bush will have announced that he's voluntarily committing himself to a war crimes tribunal and the news will have an additional report that former Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney was attacked by a mob of angry college students who covered him with fake blood and bacon grease, afterwards he will apologize for his actions and say the only way he can expiate himself is through hari kari, a foreign concept, but a just one; President Anjelica Huston will announce that the $750 billion package to reinvigorate troubled schools is appearing to have effect with the information not coming from test scores, but from where actual students attend college and graduate from college; corporations will be running scared from upstart independent competition which is not limited by a corrupt and evil tax code and the Chicago Cubs, under manager Greg Maddux and bench coach Ryne Sandberg, will be celebrating Ron Santo Day just before game seven of the World Series against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (which they will win 3-1 on a two run bases clearing double in the 8th by pinch hitter Carlos Zambrano - Ron Santo, silent on the microphone will worry some viewers until some five minutes later, he says softly that this is the most beautiful moment of his life, full of exactly the meaning he thought it would be - he will thank his parents and Kenny Hubbs, he will be surrounded by his former roommate, Glenn Beckert, Randy Hundley and Billy Williams in the booth - Ernie Banks will be in the left field bleachers, not with frat boy assholes, but regular fans - since the costs of the seat will not be so much as to require a trust fund), and on that day, Greg, earlier in the morning, on my way to the airport so I can get back to Chicago in time to make the game, I will take the L Train into the city really quick so I can buy my friend Corms a few books from the Strand. The train will show up after a brisk three minute wait. It will not be crowded. The seats will be filled, but I will gladly stand and nod to the other commuters. We will all be relaxed. Instead of Digitized Person announcing that the next stop is First Avenue in this Manhattan Bound L Train, the cool tones of Willie Nelson will give me that information. I will chuckle. Last week I was told quickly and without excessive length or volume of where I was going and in what direction by the comforting and inspirational voice of Al Green. Sometimes at bars we will discuss the relief we feel now that Digitized Person has been retired.
What I found so aggravating about all this, is the part that is least likely to happen, is what happened on the L train. Which, when empty at the depot, will still smell faintly of urine.
Discussion Thread
---------------------------------------------------------------
Customer (a decker) - 01/12/2008 02:45 AM
It took an hour and a half to get from First Avenue to Nassau tonight.
And this is after sitting around and having to let trains go four of five mornings this week because they were too crowded to get on. One day I had to let two trains go by before I could get on one. Which is better than one of the days last week when I had to let three go by. I leave with a forty-five minute cushion between when I should get to work and when I could logically expect to if the L train doesn't suck but isn't ideal. Twice in the last couple weeks I've walked in right at the time I was due in - that means the L train was running forty-five minutes slower than I could logically expect it to, during rush hour, in terms of actually being able to get on and get to work. One time, I have to admit, it wasn't the train's fault - I waited for a bus in Greenpoint (ha haha - I
mean I should know better to do that - faster to walk the 22 minutes pretty much everyday - but that's another matter).
I really don't think you guys know what you're doing.
Everyday it amazes me that I have no choice but to pay for service that is infuriating, uncomfortable and inconvenient. Seriously, why am I paying $76 a month for this? Why?
Why is it that if I try to travel anywhere when it's not rush hour the G train is closed, the L train is running on one track on no tracks or just kind of showing up and running in seven sections and it's all the time. The damn thing never works. And then when it does work, you run three trains one right after the other and then one doesn't run for ten minutes...and the things are so crowded - try getting on one of those trains.
The tipping point was tonight - I didn't want to complain - I know you guys have a tough job - but the inferior quality of service is to such a dismal low that it needs to be commented on. You are not doing a good job. I sometimes wonder if you are doing what you claim to do at all - that is, transport New York City with any kind of economy and skill.
I love New York, and when I move eventually, I will miss it terribly, I will content myself with the fact that I do not have to think about the L train everyday.'
Response
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dear L line customer:
As your new line general manager, you have my commitment to improve your ride with us. Your comments are important to me in reaching that goal, and I thank you for writing. Please know that I will review each e-mail personally, and contact you if I need more information. The line general manager program is a new concept, and I look forward to your support in making it a success.
Sincerely,
Greg Lombardi
Response to the Response
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Greg,
What would you like me to do to help make it a success? Would you like me to get down there and dig? At this point, I would.
One day, I will wake up, George Bush will have announced that he's voluntarily committing himself to a war crimes tribunal and the news will have an additional report that former Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney was attacked by a mob of angry college students who covered him with fake blood and bacon grease, afterwards he will apologize for his actions and say the only way he can expiate himself is through hari kari, a foreign concept, but a just one; President Anjelica Huston will announce that the $750 billion package to reinvigorate troubled schools is appearing to have effect with the information not coming from test scores, but from where actual students attend college and graduate from college; corporations will be running scared from upstart independent competition which is not limited by a corrupt and evil tax code and the Chicago Cubs, under manager Greg Maddux and bench coach Ryne Sandberg, will be celebrating Ron Santo Day just before game seven of the World Series against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (which they will win 3-1 on a two run bases clearing double in the 8th by pinch hitter Carlos Zambrano - Ron Santo, silent on the microphone will worry some viewers until some five minutes later, he says softly that this is the most beautiful moment of his life, full of exactly the meaning he thought it would be - he will thank his parents and Kenny Hubbs, he will be surrounded by his former roommate, Glenn Beckert, Randy Hundley and Billy Williams in the booth - Ernie Banks will be in the left field bleachers, not with frat boy assholes, but regular fans - since the costs of the seat will not be so much as to require a trust fund), and on that day, Greg, earlier in the morning, on my way to the airport so I can get back to Chicago in time to make the game, I will take the L Train into the city really quick so I can buy my friend Corms a few books from the Strand. The train will show up after a brisk three minute wait. It will not be crowded. The seats will be filled, but I will gladly stand and nod to the other commuters. We will all be relaxed. Instead of Digitized Person announcing that the next stop is First Avenue in this Manhattan Bound L Train, the cool tones of Willie Nelson will give me that information. I will chuckle. Last week I was told quickly and without excessive length or volume of where I was going and in what direction by the comforting and inspirational voice of Al Green. Sometimes at bars we will discuss the relief we feel now that Digitized Person has been retired.
What I found so aggravating about all this, is the part that is least likely to happen, is what happened on the L train. Which, when empty at the depot, will still smell faintly of urine.
Monday, October 15, 2007
finally, some good news
Al-Qaeda In Iraq Reported Crippled
Many Officials, However, Warn Of Its Resilience
By Thomas E. Ricks and Karen DeYoung
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, October 15, 2007; Page A01
The U.S. military believes it has dealt devastating and perhaps irreversible blows to al-Qaeda in Iraq in recent months, leading some generals to advocate a declaration of victory over the group, which the Bush administration has long described as the most lethal U.S. adversary in Iraq.
Many Officials, However, Warn Of Its Resilience
By Thomas E. Ricks and Karen DeYoung
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, October 15, 2007; Page A01
The U.S. military believes it has dealt devastating and perhaps irreversible blows to al-Qaeda in Iraq in recent months, leading some generals to advocate a declaration of victory over the group, which the Bush administration has long described as the most lethal U.S. adversary in Iraq.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
yeah, whaddabout Smiff's latest squeeze?
Celebs out on the town Matthew McConaughey is spotted with his new girlfriend, and other stars make the rounds. » Watch 'THE 9'
Who is Matthew's new girlfriend?
Clooney's gal
Paris' new beau? Paris Hilton has been spotted hanging out with a 22-year-old Swedish backpacker. » Where they met (MENSA???)
Paris and her new man hang out
Who is he?
Paris goes punk
Meanwhile, plenty of $#i+ blowing up in Iraq today...dozens killed or maimed...
Who is Matthew's new girlfriend?
Clooney's gal
Paris' new beau? Paris Hilton has been spotted hanging out with a 22-year-old Swedish backpacker. » Where they met (MENSA???)
Paris and her new man hang out
Who is he?
Paris goes punk
Meanwhile, plenty of $#i+ blowing up in Iraq today...dozens killed or maimed...
Monday, August 27, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Snowjobber: 2+2=5, s#i+ blowing up everywhere is peace, etc.
Q Let me follow on that, because I think some American officials have called this (Wednesday's s#i+-blowing-up of the Al-Askari mosque) an act of desperation. And I'm wondering how this is seen as an act of desperation. Does that mean that the terrorists are so concerned that they're sort of being shut down, and that the surge is so effective that they're now desperate to make a statement?
MR. SNOWJOB: Well, I think, again -- a couple of things. It does fit a pattern that we see throughout the region, which is that when you see things moving towards success, or when you see signs of success, that there are acts of violence. We saw that, certainly -- we've seen that in Lebanon, once again, today, tragically. We also saw it earlier in Lebanon. We have seen it on a number of occasions where, when Israel and the Palestinians seem to be getting close to a deal, there are kidnapings and acts of violence.
MR. SNOWJOB: Well, I think, again -- a couple of things. It does fit a pattern that we see throughout the region, which is that when you see things moving towards success, or when you see signs of success, that there are acts of violence. We saw that, certainly -- we've seen that in Lebanon, once again, today, tragically. We also saw it earlier in Lebanon. We have seen it on a number of occasions where, when Israel and the Palestinians seem to be getting close to a deal, there are kidnapings and acts of violence.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
sounds like a lunatic
And, oh yeah, expect delays.
CTA Pres.'s New Chief of Staff
(Crain’s) — Lydia Murray’s love affair with big cities like Chicago started while looking through the window of a Chicago Transit Authority bus (oh, my God...), something the Evansville, Ind., native did every summer of her childhood.
During her annual father-daughter trip to Chicago, Ms. Murray attended Cubs games and, with the help of the CTA’s park-and-ride service, got a taste of what was to become a life-long fascination with the "vitality and energy of a big city."
Now, as the chief of staff to new CTA president Ron Huberman, Ms. Murray, 36, will try to help the CTA fulfill its mission of providing "clean, on-time, safe and efficient" service to its 1.6 million daily passengers, she said.
CTA Pres.'s New Chief of Staff
(Crain’s) — Lydia Murray’s love affair with big cities like Chicago started while looking through the window of a Chicago Transit Authority bus (oh, my God...), something the Evansville, Ind., native did every summer of her childhood.
During her annual father-daughter trip to Chicago, Ms. Murray attended Cubs games and, with the help of the CTA’s park-and-ride service, got a taste of what was to become a life-long fascination with the "vitality and energy of a big city."
Now, as the chief of staff to new CTA president Ron Huberman, Ms. Murray, 36, will try to help the CTA fulfill its mission of providing "clean, on-time, safe and efficient" service to its 1.6 million daily passengers, she said.
Monday, June 4, 2007
File Dis Under: And Smiff Will Have Hair, too.
Both Chicago squads have fallen on hard times. Which team is more likely to salvage its season?
The Cubs
55% 1211 votes
The White Sox 22% 498 votes
Neither 22% 484 votes
Total Idiots: 2193
The Cubs
55% 1211 votes
The White Sox 22% 498 votes
Neither 22% 484 votes
Total Idiots: 2193
Monday, May 21, 2007
was Kramer unavailable?
Commencement Speakers (cont'd)
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
June 15, 2007
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, star of The New Adventures of Old Christine on CBS
Rockland Community College
Suffern, New York
June 03, 2007
Fred Caruso, chief executive of Caruso Group International, a management firm
Nicholas (and Smiff Has) Hair, a graduating senior at the college
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
June 15, 2007
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, star of The New Adventures of Old Christine on CBS
Rockland Community College
Suffern, New York
June 03, 2007
Fred Caruso, chief executive of Caruso Group International, a management firm
Nicholas (and Smiff Has) Hair, a graduating senior at the college
expect fewer delays...
as long as you leave for work by 4:45 am.
'3-track nightmare' really no big deal
Rezzz-i-DUNCE has fleeting non-idiotic moment
Horror hurlers 'hale and hearty'
'3-track nightmare' really no big deal
Rezzz-i-DUNCE has fleeting non-idiotic moment
Horror hurlers 'hale and hearty'
Thursday, May 17, 2007
stuff in da "news"
Source: Wolfowitz to quit "soon"
Stem cell "cure" hope for baldness
Dere's always a catch:
On Wednesday they held talks with Wolfowitz and White House officials amid reports they were close to reaching an agreement that would allow him to leave voluntarily in return for the bank admitting some culpability in the handling of his girlfriend's transfer to a State Department job and hefty pay raise.
Dr. Cheng-Ming Chuong, a professor of pathology at the University of Southern California who was not involved in the study, said it proved the principle that hair can regenerate from adult skin, but cautioned that human skin differs from mouse skin.
Stem cell "cure" hope for baldness
Dere's always a catch:
On Wednesday they held talks with Wolfowitz and White House officials amid reports they were close to reaching an agreement that would allow him to leave voluntarily in return for the bank admitting some culpability in the handling of his girlfriend's transfer to a State Department job and hefty pay raise.
Dr. Cheng-Ming Chuong, a professor of pathology at the University of Southern California who was not involved in the study, said it proved the principle that hair can regenerate from adult skin, but cautioned that human skin differs from mouse skin.
Friday, May 11, 2007
I always wondered why Smiff's eyes never move...
...but I'm still confused... which is the real Smiff?
3. Smiff's mouth is crooked... exactly the way it was carved by Winchell to show that Smiff was not as intelligent as Winchell's main figure, Jerry Mahoney.
5. Winchell didn't give Smiff moving eyes because Smiff isn't that smart.
6. The real Smiff was always bothered by the fact that his hair was not actual hair. Like the real Smiff, this replica's hair is painted on.
3. Smiff's mouth is crooked... exactly the way it was carved by Winchell to show that Smiff was not as intelligent as Winchell's main figure, Jerry Mahoney.
5. Winchell didn't give Smiff moving eyes because Smiff isn't that smart.
6. The real Smiff was always bothered by the fact that his hair was not actual hair. Like the real Smiff, this replica's hair is painted on.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
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