Al-Qaeda In Iraq Reported Crippled
Many Officials, However, Warn Of Its Resilience
By Thomas E. Ricks and Karen DeYoung
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, October 15, 2007; Page A01
The U.S. military believes it has dealt devastating and perhaps irreversible blows to al-Qaeda in Iraq in recent months, leading some generals to advocate a declaration of victory over the group, which the Bush administration has long described as the most lethal U.S. adversary in Iraq.
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7 comments:
Well...if we declare victory can we have the celebration on an aircraft carrier again?
Mission Accomplished's already been used...so what about: Achievement of Victory?
Or perhaps, "Let's Declare Victory and Get the Phokk Out of Here!"?
The generals need to do their phokking job (er, generating leadership?), and leave the declarations to the Decider. Either that, or if (when?) Al Quaeda makes their comeback in Iraq, we're allowed to fire the guys who said it was all wrapped up.
How about "Evil-Doers Vanquished?" Instead of a live celebration, it could be a cartoon.
Official: Yeah, yeah. So we like, totally, won. It's awesome.
Bush: That's awesome. It's like what I've been saying. We totally will beat the terrorists.
Official: Yeah, it's great. We like, totally, destroyed them. You should have seen their faces. We like blasted them away. They won't crawl out of that hole we made for them until their dead!
Bush: God that's awesome. If only the American people could understand what we're doing and how important it is. We're defending them.
Official: Yeah. You should have totally seen them. And we're starting to work on Iran now. You should see it. They're just like, whoa. You guys are scary and we're like, yeah, we totally know that. That's why we're after you!
Bush: Yeah, Dick "Dick" said we were ready to, oh what did he say? Drop enough bombs on them to make them feel the wrath of a million virgins or something like that.
Official: Virgins?
Bush: Yeah. These guys we just totally like, kicked their a sses, well they believe in an afterlife of virginity or something. Like, whatever, their so stupid! That's why we beat them.
Official: Yeah. They're so dumb, we should tell those communist bed-wetting journalists what we did.
Bush: Yeah, I can just see Jon Colbert and that Comedy Center show having to eat a crow-cake when we tell them we won. And the New York Times will probably just print it like, "Al Quieda Doesn't Win". But we'll know. And they'll know. They'll finally know we're right.
Official: Yeah, we should declare victory. Also, then other groups will be demoralized and won't want to fight and we'll like pretty much have won the whole thing.
Bush: Yeah, Dick "Dick" and Rummy said this would happen.
Official: This never would have happened without rendition.
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“We got more information out of a German general with a game of chess or Ping-Pong than they do today, with their torture,” said Henry Kolm, 90, an M.I.T. physicist whose interrogation of Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s deputy, took place over a chessboard. George Frenkel, 87, recalled that he “never laid hands on anyone” in his many interrogations, adding, “I’m proud to say I never compromised my humanity.”
Wait, we capture the most dangerous terrist ever, and there's going to be a nucular phokk attack on the US mainland in 48 hours, this terrist knows about it and we're going to use chess to pry it out of him? Ping Pong? That might have worked in WWII, but 9-11 changed everything. We can't be nice anymore. We gotta scare the crap out of them, just like Jack Bauer.
Bauer is going to jail...he couldn't even torture his way out of a drunk driving rap!
Winning the war would be a mistake because then it would be over.
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