Dumbya's next press secretary?

Scott Boras? Nobody can spin it like BorASS can...

"Carlos Pena is the greatest player to ever put on a Devil Ray uniform. This will be kind of a litmus test for ownership. He's a complete player. He's a young player. We'll certainly listen to what they have to say, if they want to say anything."--Agent Scott Boras, on his client, Carlos Pena. Pena is under club control for the next two years, but seeks a long-term deal.

Let's see, greatest Devil Ray...that's like saying he's the best hockey player in Ecuador. Young...will be 30 in May. And what do you trust more: the 590 PA's this year, or the nearly 2000 PA's in prior years when he wasn't a league average hitting 1st baseman? "Say anything"? How about phokk you and give us a call a two years?

"We knew the expectancy level was going to be one that was very high. The one component that we felt J.D. was going to be the greatest contributing factor when he came to Boston is that he was going to bring their defensive acumen to the highest level. When you look at the Red Sox, you look at their outfield defense, you have to understand that this is something the team wanted to improve and shore up, and the reality is that he is in a position where we're talking about one of the better defensive teams because they have two center fielders in the outfield."--Scott Boras, on his client J.D. Drew, who is hitting .261/.365/.404 this season.

Boston signed Drew because of his "defensive acumen"? Even if that was true (and it ain't), Drew has a below average defensive range and fielding percentage this year. Hey Scott, stathead, you can look it up... "Two center fielders"...if that were true Drew wouldn't have played three times the number of games in RF than CF in his career.

"One of the other things we knew was that J.D.'s a lifetime National League player, and any time you take a player and put him in a new league there is going to be an adjustment period... . The lack of familiarity with the pitching is going to take time."

So...they'll will be refunding some of Drew's salary during this "adjustment period"? And "any time you take a player"...i'm sure Corms could come with dozens of players who didn't need an entire season to adjust.

"Eric Gagne is a lifetime closer, that's all he knows. Also, Eric Gagne is one of the most competitive and conscientious players I've known. Now Eric Gagne is in a different role. You can go back and look at closers who are in a different role than a closer's role. Closers have difficulties in non-closer situations. This is not only true of Eric Gagne, but this is true of everyone involved. You can go down the list. I can name a lot of my clients who have had this problem."--Boras, on his client Eric Gagne's move to the Boston Red Sox.

"Lifetime", except when he was a starting pitcher. "True of everyone" and yet he names no one (just like his example above). Well, let's hope Tito sees this and keeps Gagne strictly in a mop-up role...