Onion Or Real?

Marge Simpson a Playboy covergirl

Apparently Flanders wants to get the 20 year olds to read a magazine who's average reader age is 35.

Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

Apparently everyone was so scared shitless by Dumbya and Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick that just replacing them meant a hyooooge increase in peace all over the world.

Earth to Moon - It's on, bitch

Finally - an enemy we can all agree on. What has the moon done for us lately?

Another label needed: zombie/End Times nexus

"Zombies are an apocalyptic threat, we are living in times of apocalyptic anxiety (and) we need a vessel in which to coalesce those anxieties..."

LoC: Still the only source on the Google for "live-blogging the End Times," by the way...

2000 labels - is that a lot?

And today we could really use a "brain-dead Norwegians" label.

I deleted "Alfonsucko SUCKS" but it won't let me create "Alfonsucko the 12-fingered freak SUCKS." I don't see how the work of the Nation can move forward.

This appears to be a new feature?

Push Polled

Just got off the phone with the NRA. A message from the president with a one question poll. I was informed that the UN "one world government" and the [evil] Hillary Clinton are conspiring to take away guns from US citizens. I was kind of laughing and smirking through the whole tape recorded message. I wanted to say something clever once the gentlemen after the recorded message asked me if I opposed the plan of the UN and Hillary to take away guns - but all I could say was I disagreed with the premise of the question. I did say I supported the 2nd Amendment, which I do - with perameters. I am not big on my neighbors having nukes - which the plain language of the amendment could be read to allow - after all a weapon unused is a useless weapon. I guess if I had more energy I could have tried to engage the man in a conversation or told him I favored socialism or asked him about why he believed what he believed - oh well. Maybe I still like the Americans I disagree with too much. I told him I'd look in to the plan to strip my fellow Americans of their constitutional rights and thanked him for informing me about this potential move against liberty.

Maybe ... best line ever.

"I didn’t want to wake up tied to a tree, being invited to squeal like a little piggy for the entertainment of a 20-year-old psychopath in giant dun­ga­rees, with three teeth in his head and a bitter hatred of anyone who wasn’t also a 30-stone homophobic racist who shot at things he didn’t understand."

Time to close shop?

You're not going to believe this shit: we have reached blogger's limit of 2000 labels. (I tried "America hating Conservatives now happy" with the last post.) Yeah, i know, WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, the PHOKKING THING SUCKS! Since the labels are the chief reason to be here, and since no one posts anymore since Obama was elected and everything is better now, is there a point to carry on? Also, Blogger can blow it out the ass. I can't even add a "Blogger SUCKS" label now. And that sucks because THEY SUCK. I mean, i'm really beside myself here.

Thoughts? Better yet, how can we bring Blogger down in a fiery crash?

Yet another Chicago sports' embarrassment

Universal Coverage

Heard an anti-health care reform advert tonight. 50 million additional patients with no new doctors. Ergo, reform will result in rationing and diminished health care for all.

Isn't this an argument for more doctors rather than less health care? Unless you are of course you are making the somewhat more philosophical argument that distribution of resources in any system are imperfect and because health care is a resource, some people just aren't going to get it and are going to die and that's okay. I'll accept that argument to a point but 50 million seems a little high to me. Plus I would argue (1) making sure your neighbor doesn't get swine flu and give it to you is probably a good thing and (2) If I found myself with potentially terminal cancer with no insurance, no money and in need of medical care in a country that encourages massive inequities in wealth and gun ownership and has a capable prison medical system, that would be a pretty easy decision for me.

Not to mention I guess with not enough doctors for the 50 million people the Republicans don't see a way to help now, it's sure a good thing we are aborting all those babies, god forbid we have another 1 or 10 million more that we don't have doctors for - we can't simply get more doctors.

I guess I need to go back and read the bible. Thousands of uninsured dying are just God's will. That's the new health insurance.

SHOCKING NEWS

Obamas went to Copenhagen, Chicago loses.

Which means (and this is the shocking part) that Briggs was right...

Not to mention that the Repubs will probably have a field day on dis one - See, he's not superman after all...

Is someone going to fix all the broken links?

The Fisk Scoresheet link don't work no more, QT is defunct as we all know, The Tattler moved on to da Trib, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So who's gonna fix da links so dey all work? I nominate Corms.

Can you tell which news story is fake and which one actually appeared in the Onion?

Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."

The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.

"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."

Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.

"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."

"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"

Ammo Sales Spike Continues Months After Obama Elected

Bullet-makers are working around the clock, seven days a week, and still can't keep up with the nation's demand for ammunition.

Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they have never seen such shortages. Bullets, especially for handguns, have been scarce for months because gun enthusiasts are stocking up on ammo, in part because they fear President Barack Obama and the Democratic-controlled Congress will pass antigun legislation — even though nothing specific has been proposed and the president last month signed a law allowing people to carry loaded guns in national parks.

Spot the Brain Cell

This is going too far

Some people are just anti-everything.

Is flip-flopping an Olympic event?

Jarrett hints Obama likely to attend IOC meet

Blogging from Da Caribbean

So I've blogged from South America, Europe, Africa, now da Caribbean. What's left? Asia? Australia? Da South Pole? Outta Space?

Fung's already made his mark - he managed to clog da toilet. Seems to be taking quite a while to unclog too. Now perhaps it's time to go out and mingle with the locals. But dinner first perhaps.

Go Catz! Destroy the 'Cuse!

How do they keep doing it?

Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines

Speaking of Solchers Fielt...

Payton's family wants to donate statue at Soldier Field

According to a Payton family spokeswoman, park district officials explained that Soldier Field and the area surrounding it is to be preserved strictly as a memorial to war veterans. There also is concern a Payton statue outside of Soldier Field might diminish the stature of other former Bears Hall of Famers.

I think we can all agree that Payton is a veteran of many wars, of the gridiron type. Can't we find a way to compromise?

The bronze statue, being constructed in Wasilla, Alaska,

So that Payton can turn his steely gaze towards Russia, and they will know that they can't phokk with the USA! I'm also having trouble remembering why I should know this town name...

One former Bears Hall of Famer whose likeness is not on the sculpture (currently in Solchers Fielt - ed) is Mike Ditka, who had feuded with the McCaskey family.

Dikka vs Halas - who wins dat one?

But you can't put a price tag on the rewards

News item: Bears rank fourth in NFL with an average ticket price of $88.33.
~

What a wuss

Some answers for Fung?

Why Did People Become White?

~