Saturday, March 26, 2011

We are living in a (g)olden age (cont)

BBC News - Defecating dog sparks US shootout

Two neighbours in the US state of Mississippi (shocking - ed) drew weapons and fired at each other as an argument over a defecating dog ran out of control.

Associated Press news agency (aka librul news media - ed) said Jerry Blasingame, 60, has been charged with assault for shooting Terry Tehnet, 52, with a shotgun.

Mr Tehnet was angry because he thought Mr Blasingame's dog had defecated (damn SAT words from the librul news media again - ed) on his lawn, in a rural part of the state (there's an urban part? - ed).

Mr Tehnet, whose injuries are not life-threatening, may also be charged.

The two men gave AP different versions of what happened.

'Meet me at the levee'

Mr Tehnet said he visited his neighbour to complain about dog "poop" (shit - ed) on his property.

Mr Blasingame blamed him for shooting his dog the week before, Mr Tehnet said, and told him: "Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down." (aka "second amendment remedy" - ed)

Mr Blasingame told AP he got his gun and drove off but Mr Tehnet did not follow so he returned to the neighbourhood.

The two men confronted one another again and each claimed the other produced a weapon first.

"He shot twice, I returned fire," said Mr Blasingame.

Mr Tehnet said Mr Blasingame opened fire first with his shotgun so he took his pistol from his car and fired back.

He said he was hit in both hands, the shoulder, chest and side by shotgun pellets, AP reported.

Washington County Chief Deputy Sheriff Billy Barber said: "Homeowners and property owners need to respect each other's property... If a dog did that in your yard, call the law. Don't take matters into your own hands."

Saturday, March 19, 2011

We walk a single path from birth to death punctuated by cured meats



It looks better here.
~

JOHNNY BACONSEED: A POEM FOR THE HOPELESS ROMANTICS
by Joel Chmara

When strips of pork Godliness dance-crackle-curl on the pan,
I will be there,
puffing my chest
accepting pops of grease on my shirt
like a Deputy Ditka badge.

Garments perfumed with slight bacon splatter is no call for stain-lifter.
Nay, it simply ensures that one will carry the greatest foodstuff essence
for the rest of the day.
Take heed dear readers,
to love bacon is to carry the smokey scent with you
as an am-bad-ass-ador of the fine piggy belly brine.

I am that breed of bacon lover
spreading its virtues
as Johnny Baconseed.
Baconology mentored to friends
of how to incorporate it into every dish.
Caramelized, Hickory Smoked, Peppered, Mapeled
Sweet or Savory
Lardon or in Bits
I can baconate any menu
for the better of humankind.

When the final bite of a bacon treat
crunches in my mouth
leaving the perfect salty smoke sensation
I whisper to no one in particular,
“That’ll do pig. That’ll do.”

© 2011 Joel Chmara

Friday, March 18, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Happy Phokking Birthday @Smiff

Smiff records annudder tick on da odometer of life today. Dis may make him less grumpy than normal, so ask for any special favors today. Don't forget to purchase for him excessive amounts of alcohol! Coz you have to make up for me - I ain't gonna do it!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The shortest path between here and 'power'

1. Promise to close Guantanamo facility; be elected President.
2. Publicize plan to follow through on promise by closing "Guantanamo facility" and replacing it with identical facility located elsewhere.
3. Just, fuck, don't waste any more time on this.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The New Solution

With exciting developments in Ohio and Wisconsin we are paving our way to an enticing new future. But I can't help thinking, getting rid of collective bargaining is thinking too small. We need to find a way to get rid of all employee bargaining. Only by doing so can we begin to address issues like corporate profitiability, the mortgage crisis, pollution, immigration and overpopulation.

In the 21st Century economy, American workers have to understand that we are competing with countries where the promise of room and board is enough. So much of our great American society was built with an international labor force that understood what competing in a global economy meant in a world where the right to hard labor, by itself, was all the payment needed. We need to return to those days if we ever hope to make our country strong again.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Cubs in mid season form already

Fight erupts in Cubs’ dugout

Last Modified: Mar 2, 2011 04:08PM

The Cubs are blowing up on and off the field. Literally.

After another error-filled start to their Spring Training game today, things blew up in the dugout when a few players scuffled, including starting pitcher Carlos Silva.

The Cubs made three errors behind Silva in the first inning and fell behind 6-0 vs. the Milwaukee Brewers in Maryvale, Ariz. When the players returned to the dugout, a fight started and had to be broken up by players and coaches.

After the fight, Silva left the dugout with the strength coach Tim Buss, but he was still jawing at someone as he left. Silva was whisked past the media on a golf cart and left the ballpark without comment.

The Cubs had nine errors in three games coming into today’s game.

~

Monday, February 28, 2011

The answer is NOOOOOOO!!!!

Are we eating too much bacon?


Easy on those pork chops, the British government advised on Friday.

I don't know about all of you, but I don't listen to the Breeetish government. Unless the 'Mercan gubmint sez it, I ain't gonna believe it. And if they do, they'll be infringing on my liberty, so I still won't listen. Not that I actually eat bacon...


Thursday, February 24, 2011

This is wrong in about 400 ways

A restaurant in London's Covent Garden is serving a new range of ice cream, made with breast milk.

The dessert, called Baby Gaga(!)(?)(!)(?), is churned with donations (interesting word choice, since as noted below they get paid for the "donation" - ed) from 15 women who responded to an advertisement on an online mothers' forum.

One of the women, Victoria Hiley, 35, said if adults realised how tasty breast milk was more new mothers would be encouraged to breastfeed. (That doesn't make any phokking sense. If grownups knew how tasty breast milk was then more mums would feed it to their babies? I'm guessing it isn't a taste issue that makes mums stop breast feeding their kids...ed)

Each serving of Baby Gaga at Icecreamists costs £14.

Mrs Hiley's donation was expressed on site and pasteurised before being churned with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.

Icecreamists founder Matt O'Connor placed an advert appealing for breast milk donations and believes his new recipe will be a success.

Start Quote

What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?”

Victoria HileyMother

"If it's good enough for our children, it's good enough for the rest of us," he said.

"Some people will hear about it and go yuck - but actually it's pure organic, free-range and totally natural." (Except the women drive everywhere or sit at home in front of the computer and TV & ate twinkies & drank soda exclusively during that time, violating all 3 qualities mentioned - ed)

Mrs Hiley, who gets £15 for every 10 ounces of milk she donates to the company, said it was a great "recession beater".

"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" she added. (The pin-up girls already took that one. Come up with something different - ed)

"I teach women how to get started on breastfeeding their babies. There's very little support for women and every little helps."

Mr O'Connor said health checks for the lactating women were the same used by hospitals to screen blood donors.

"No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," he added. (If this is what you call interesting....ed)

Your brain on cheese (cont'd)

"I would like to hear more of an explanation from Governor Walker as to what exactly was being considered, and to what degree it was discussed by his cabinet members. I find it very unsettling and troubling that anyone would consider creating safety risks for our citizens and law enforcement officers."
~ Madison Chief of Police Noble Wray (not his real name; from an undisclosed location)

"Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails."
~ Monty Burns

"Fades out?" Probably more like stuffed and mounted

Fake Mayor Emanuel Twitter account fades out

Posted by Shia K. at 2/24/2011 10:56 AM CST on Chicago Business

@MayorEmanuel, the faux alter ego Twitter character of Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel, has gone silent after writing of being pulled into a vortex.

His tweets to some 38,000 followers ended around 8 p.m. Wednesday, with the anonymous author writing, "and now all I can hear is that music, and suddenly everything just f------ ..."

. . .

Followers are left to wonder whether the mysterious character, who has denied numerous interview requests, will ever return from the vortex—and whether the author will reveal him or herself.

The real Mr. Emanuel has promised to donate up to $5,000 to charity if the writer comes forward, "so I can pummel his phokking face in."
~

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Koch is It!

Hmm. Not sold on whether or not this piece on the DailyKos is true. They are reporting a taped phone call between the Governor of Wisconsin and someone impersonating a Koch detailing some union-busting excitement. If true, it is somewhere between wildly depressing and infuriating.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fall 2006: Was Smiff still here?

OK, Who Pooped In Dusty Baker’s Dugout Spot?

Jon Paul Morosi has a nice little profile of Cubs manager Mike Quade, but he buries the lede. Namely, that in Dusty Baker's last season in Chicago, someone left a going-away present for him.

"At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day," Baker said Monday morning. "That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up. He said, ‘Oh, I think it's dog crap.' I said, ‘No it ain't. That's human crap.'"
~

Which player is this?

"Despite the low batting average, Player X used his power and plate discipline to plug Team Y's Vortex of Suck (new team name?) at designated hitter, batting .254/.343/.559 in that role from August 1 onward..."

Yeah datz right, got my Prospectus bitches! It's not a fan of my work so far this year.
~

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011

Dumb Criminals (cont)

Cops: Teen kills fish to eliminate ‘witnesses’ — Arlington Heights news, photos and events — TribLocal.com

A 16-year-old from Arlington Heights who burglarized an apartment with two friends killed three fish by pouring condiments in their bowl because he didn’t want to leave any witnesses, police said.
.
.
.

The one teen told police that upon leaving the scene, he said to his friends, “We can’t let them live, they’re witnesses,” officers said.

“He wasn’t remorseful,” criminal investigations Sgt. Mike Hernandez said. “It was disturbing. Certainly something they didn’t need to do.”


From Corporal's home town, no less. Clearly they've been watching too much CSI...

Monday, January 31, 2011

Activist Judges - they go both ways

Judge strikes down healthcare reform law - chicagotribune.com

W was unavailable for comment.

Chillageddon 2011 claims first victim

News item: A winter storm taking aim at the Midwest has caused the Illinois Pork Producers Association to reschedule its 2011 Pork Expo.
~

RUN FOR WARM CLIMATES! Ohhhhhhhhhhh, too late... we're all dead


Blizzard may be 'life threatening'

The National Weather Service has issued an unusually dire blizzard watch, calling the storm expected to start Tuesday over most of the area "dangerous, multifaceted and potentially life-threatening." Forecasts call for up to 18 inches of snow.

Sounds like the phokking changes that are about to happen are gonna be multifold...
~

Friday, January 28, 2011

Great plans gone awry


Fugitive says he planned suicide by bear

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — A convicted killer who escaped from an Arizona prison says his plan was to overdose on heroin at Yellowstone National Park and let bears eat him.

Mystery solved: Teen put piano on sand bar

MIAMI — The rumors can stop swirling: The baby grand piano that turned up on a Miami sandbar was burned to tatters by New Year’s revelers, then brought to its new home by a television designer’s teenage son who said Thursday he hoped the idea might help him get into a prestigious art school.
~

Monday, January 24, 2011

The only question on Chicago's mind

Do you question Jay Cutler's toughness?

Do you question Jay Cutler's toughness?

  • Yes -- He was walking around on the sideline. I'd like to have seen him try harder to play. (15909 responses)

    46%

  • No -- Cutler took tons of hits this year and only missed one game. Dude is tough. (12521 responses)

    36%

  • I'm gonna wait for the MRI results (6045 responses)

    18%

34475 total responses

(Results not scientific, but supreeemely idiotic)

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Illinois Way

Remember that payroll tax reduction we got as a result of Obama "compromising" and the Republicans "winning"? Well, guess what? Da State Dat we live in has decided to take all dat money and then some! Allegedly, there's some hyooooooge budget hole (left by the departure of Bobby Jenks, no doubt) they have to fill, and Quinny's decided the only way to fill it is with more tax money. But just like the politicians in da beltway, dey felt that they shouldn't offend the rich by taxing them more. No, let's just regressively tax everyone more. Clearly they're trying to make Blago's comeback that much easier. And there Corporal thought he was moving AWAY from Taxachussetts!

Friday, December 24, 2010

this won't matter after the bees disappear

Wik-Bee Leaks: EPA Document Shows It Knowingly Allowed Pesticide That Kills Honey Bees

The world honey bee population has plunged in recent years, worrying beekeepers and farmers who know how critical bee pollination is for many crops. A number of theories have popped up as to why the North American honey bee population has declined--electromagnetic radiation, malnutrition, and climate change have all been pinpointed. Now a leaked EPA document reveals that the agency allowed the widespread use of a bee-toxic pesticide, despite warnings from EPA scientists....

~

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Meet your new Chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee (great work everyone!)

How Ileana Ros-Lehtinen killed the bill to prevent forced child marriages

Even The Google is ready to get this Christmas party started

Showing results for live-blogging the end times.
Search instead for the original terms: live-glogging the end times


Which reminds me, there is a critical shortage of Pennsylvania Dutch Egg Nog (the One True Egg Nog) in the Chicago area this year. (I blame Obama.) Thank God I stocked up early, though I may still run out before New Year's. Evanston First had none ... none!

In past years it's been more of a self-regulating supply, as I tend to run out at about the same time that I can no longer fit through the door to go out and buy more.

Coming to Ryan's Defense

Have we gone mad?

Or are we just so sex-obsessed and confused that this is really a story? I didn't stick around to see the piece on the today show this morning, but I read the story in the Sun-Times today. "Rex-Rated." Elliott Harris reports that "there may be more trouble afoot for the New York Jets." Brilliant. Ryan and his wife may be in trouble for what - making a foot-fetish video.

My goodness. They are married. The news is that there are videos on the internet which have surfaced which allegedly show Michelle Ryan showing her feet and in which the voice of Rex Ryan can be allegedly heard, supposedly in a state of increasing excitement. Rex when asked says this is a personal matter.

Where is the story here? They are married. Frankly if they wanted to make videos of themselves going at it and broadcast them on the interwebs, I don't know why that isn't an affirmation of their love and a sign of the strength of their marriage. Maybe slightly misguided, but there are lots of misguided people in the world. The guy is attracted to his wife. He digs feet. She's into it. Sounds like they decided together to make movies about it, presumably so they could watch later and enjoy themselves. Maybe they decided to share them with other people, but so what? It shouldn't be any big secret that married people have sex. (Hint: this includes your old parents fumbling around in the twilight and then icing-down afterwards). I have even been told that unmarried people have sex - but we all know that God doesn't approve of this.

I don't know who gives a good God damn about this. The big difference between this and the Jenn Sterger thing is that Favre and Sterger weren't married. (Though frankly if Deana Farve was fine with it - I wouldn't have any problems with that either). Here's what we have learned about the Jets this year - (1) Grown men sometimes swear, (2) football players sometimes put their own financial interests ahead of the interests of the team, (3) men in a locker room will cat call a hot blonde in a locker room, sometimes inappropriately, (4) powerful men sometimes try to use their power to bed attractive single women, even when they are married and (5) Rex Ryan loves his wife. If any of these things resulted in an epiphany for you or a loved one, I'd suggest you need to get out more.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

Rumbling Stumbling Bumbling....

Yesterday night's interception by whoever that big white guy was reminded me of dis play in berz history...


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Surprise! Snarky Fox retort is fullas#i+

Shocking that the senior vice president of "news" editorial at Fox just makes up s#i+ off the top of his head

The study’s authors continued, “These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure (Fox Noise as radioactive waste ~ Ed.) and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it — though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.”

Asked for comment on the study, Fox News seemingly dismissed the findings. In a statement, Michael Clemente, who is the senior vice president of news editorial for the network, said: “The latest Princeton Review ranked the University of Maryland among the top schools for having ‘Students Who Study The Least’ and being the ‘Best Party School’ – given these fine academic distinctions, we’ll regard the study with the same level of veracity it was ‘researched’ with.”

Mr. Clemente oversees every hour of objective news programming on Fox News (so he works, like, never? ~ Ed.), which is by far the nation’s most popular cable news channel.

For the record, the Princeton Review says the University of Maryland ranks among the “Best Northeastern Colleges.” It was No. 19 on the Review’s list of “Best Party Schools.”

Skilly Cares!®

Pineapple Express to bring flooding rains, up to 10 feet of mountain snow to California; pattern boosting Chicago 2 week snow estimates; ice locusts; End Times; Grady Sizemore carrying deer meat up slippery icy stairs

The Pineapple Express' arrival not only signals the start of that region's annual rainy season, but also threatens to unleash yoooge low-elevation downpours, which by Christmas Eve (next Friday) could amount to 8 to 12 inches adjacent to southern California's mountains outside Los Angeles and San Diego--enough rain to provoke flooding and mudslides, particularly along westward facing slopes.


Just like Fungster said - it matters cuz it affects us.

Weather troubles with the Pineapple Express won't be limited to California alone. Far from it! (Phokk! ~ Ed.) Warnings of rough weather this weekend and beyond are out across sections of 10 western states. And the impact of this stormy atmospheric regime may ultimately extend to the Midwest and areas east.
~

Friday, December 17, 2010

Grrrrrrr!


Fearsome, Undertaker-Nabbing, Geek-Snatching Terror from the Enchanted Ruin


Get Your Monster Name

K-Mad working for the World's Awfulest Newspaper (tie)?

McClure - Field in 'great shape' for Bears-Vikings game - Chicago Breaking Sports

The Tribune's Vaughn McClure was on hand to witness the snow removal. In fact, the response to the University's plea for help was so overwhelming, the school turned away eager volunteers, according to the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

Skilly sez:

"Below normal temperatures for the 15th day this month. Highs Friday to be 12 degrees below normal."

All you climate change Chicken Littles can suck a snowman.

If you believe a lie often enough, you're probably a Fox News viewer

Fox News makes you dumb (though if you're tuning in regularly, you were probably pretty dumb to begin with). And Fox News led the cable news ratings for 100 months in a row as of April 2010. And the skill most richly rewarded by our electoral system is the ability to raise YOOOOGE amounts of money to go on TV with commercials that are totally fullas#i+.

Those who watched Fox News almost daily were significantly more likely than those who never watched it to believe that:

~ most economists estimate the stimulus caused job losses (12 points more likely)
~ most economists have estimated the health care law will worsen the deficit (31 points)
~ the economy is getting worse (26 points)
~ most scientists do not agree that climate change is occurring (30 points)
~ the stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts (14 points)
~ their own income taxes have gone up (14 points)
~ the auto bailout only occurred under Obama (13 points)
~ when TARP came up for a vote most Republicans opposed it (12 points)
~ and that it is not clear that Obama was born in the United States (31 points)

These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it--though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I'm not sure even Jimmy Boeheim can down a cupcake DIS YOOOOGE


(AP) -- Syracuse may be unbeaten and coming off an impressive performance against a fellow Top 10 team, but Jim Boeheim feels improvement is needed.

He should get plenty of it against winless Colgate.

The eighth-ranked Orange look to extend their winning streak over the Raiders to a whopping 45 when the upstate New York neighbors meet at the Carrier Dome on Saturday night.
~

Friday, December 10, 2010

K-Mad will be happy to know

Almost 3 years later, we're still number 1 on Google for golf/plutocracy nexus. Didn't Briggs have a band by that name?

Hey Wisconsin, get to know your new Senator - you sure as hell deserve him

How did this jackass beat Feingold again? Was everyone drunk? Wait... that could be it actually...

Ron Johnson, R-Lobbyists

Sen.-elect Ron Johnson promised to change how Wisconsin is represented in Washington.

And he is doing just that.

Johnson narrowly defeated U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., who was the chamber’s chief advocate for the sort of lobbying and ethics reforms that would limit the power of special-interest groups and eliminate pay-to-play politics. Feingold’s refusal to play Washington-insider games led to his being labeled by Washingtonian magazine as “the number one enemy of lobbyists in Washington.”

Johnson won’t be so labeled.

The new Republican senator has announced that his chief of staff will be Don Kent, a former vice president at Navigators Global LLC.

What’s Navigators Global LLC? A Washington-based power broker operation that describes itself as “an elite team of federal lobbyists, political strategists and communications experts.”

That’s right. Ron Johnson has put a lobbyist in charge of his Senate office...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Baseball's most brain-dead player: we have a winner

Answer Man: Luke Scott talks Nugent, hunting and Obama origin


Baltimore Orioles slugger Luke Scott stopped by baseball's winter meetings Tuesday and, after some harmless chatter about his team's offseason dealings, stated with conviction that President Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

Oh, yes, he did. Scott's opinion about the president's birthplace — while certainly not unique — was a stunning climax to a friendly and frank 20-minute Answer Man session that spanned his enthusiasm for baseball, hunting, firearms, personal responsibility and smaller government....


LS: Obama ... hmm ... Obama does not represent America. Nor does he represent anything what our forefathers stood for. This country is basically built on an attitude. It's a way of life. It's not because you're born here. It's not that you're supposed to take from those who have and give to those who haven't. That kills a country. It killed Russia....

[the comments have been turned off for this story]

Come on, Luke, just say it: he's black!

Now with audio. Sounds dumber than it reads.

Dis just in... President Obama: Back up for a second, Gibbsy. Baltimore still has a baseball team?

~

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Alan Simpson: student ...

of the Rummy School of Poetry:

We took a big banana
and threw it into the gorilla cage
and the gorilla picked it up, like they do —
they peel it, mash it, play with it,
but they will eat some


-- Alan Simpson, on the work of the fiscal commission he co-chaired

Only in America (cont)

30,000 Cuban cigars seized at O'Hare - Chicago Breaking News

U.S. customs officials say they've seized 30,000 Cuban cigars shipped from Europe to O'Hare International Airport in the past two weeks and are inspecting another 70,000 they also suspect are from Cuba.

The flood of the "popular contraband" is the biggest seen at the Customs and Border Protection's Chicago field office, which typically seizes 10 to 12 cigars a week at the O'Hare international mail facility, officials said.

It's illegal to import any Cuban product into the United States without a license from the U.S. Treasury Department (wonder how hard it is to get one of dose, is it as hard as getting a marijuana stamp? - ed).

"Our officers stationed at (Customs and Border Protection) mail facilities routinely discover and seize a variety of contraband arriving from all over the world, but this is the first time in Chicago we have seen this level of activity involving illegal cigars," said David Murphy, director of field operations for the Chicago field office.

Customs officers have confirmed that 30,000 cigars are of Cuban origin and are still sorting through 70,000, said Brian Bell, a Customs spokesman.

The seized cigars will be destroyed, officials said (what a phokking waste, unless, of course, they are destroyed one at a time - ed).


Apprently the spike was due to some sort of rule change the gubmint made because of something the terrists did - maybe that toner cartridge thing. So once again, the terrists have won.

Life in Oklahoma

Shariah at the Kumback Café

"There's just too much Muslim influence, all this Shariah law..."

Yes, that sounds like Oklahoma... sure... Muslims running everything... we hatesez that too...

I asked Frank Lawson, 83, about Obama. "I think the young man’s a Muslim," he said. (If dis blog had a nickel for every time... Ed.) ... "I got on the computer, punched in Koran, and there it is in black and white: They are out to rule the world and if you don’t convert, they kill you." (Was dat on dat Christian Google? Ed.)
~

But I thought Smiff was already awesome

What's in a name? Man goes from Smith to Awesome

An Oregon man has had an Awesome name change.

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. says he changed his name to Captain Awesome last month because he was inspired by the nickname of a character on the NBC television show "Chuck" — Dr. Devon "Captain Awesome" Woodcomb.
~

Monday, December 6, 2010

We won't have the Toddster to kick around anymore

And unlike Nixon, it's hard to foresee some dramatic career turnaround, though there's probably an elementary school somewhere in town looking for a new hall monitor.

At least he's going out classy!

Preckwinkle says when her staffers requested information, they got mounds of unorganized or incomplete paper, among other issues.

Cook County government has never had a reputation for squeaky clean dealings, but things appeared to get worse under Stroger. A court-ordered monitor says he violated political hiring more than 150 times since 2008.




"Chicago is not the most corrupt American city. It's the most theatrically corrupt."
-- Studs Terkel

Friday, December 3, 2010

He's our a$$hole

Even the Cubs hate him... and for good reason...

LoC Modern Corporate Gibberish in the News

Integrys mulls offer for Nicor

Olbermann rips the lazy, ignorant phokks who kept Santo out of the Hall

Ron Santo and baseball's shame

The crescendo of indignation builds just like they do in KO's special comments. You can almost hear an Affleckian full-on rant coming on.

On a personal note, too late did I learn to appreciate the artistry of Santo's radio broadcasts.
~

So now we know: 10% of Chicagoans are heartless, brain-dead Sox fans

Should Santo be inducted into the Hall?

In your estimation, should Ron Santo be inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame?

* Yes (7060 responses) 90%

* No (776 responses) 10%

7836 total responses

(Results not scientific)

~

Monday, November 29, 2010

Annudder Gift Idea

Santa/Obama Nexus, or, When Redistributors Attack the Christmastution

Taking his message into Yuletide mode, Hedrick penned "The Liberal Clause," a tea-party-themed Christmas book for children featuring a socialist Barack Obama, "Elf Peloosi" and special appearances by Joseph Stalin (No Hitler cameo? Disappointing... Ed.) and an Afro-centric minister named "Reverend Blight."

Hedrick is traveling to New York today to film a Christmas-special segment for Comedy Central's "Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Hedrick consultant Robert Harmon told The Ticket. "And sales-wise, he's doing great," Harmon added. (Yay! Ed.)

Hedrick lost his insurgent GOP primary bid in August but has segued promptly into promoting "The Liberal Clause." (Hedrick has also been busy appearing in court, on assault charges filed by his wife -- who has since sought to rescind a no-contact order between the couple, claiming that he was trying to calm her down at a time when she was "out of control.") (Ho! Ho! Ho! Ed.)

"The Liberal Clause" depicts socialist elves (Redundant? Aren't they all socialists? Ed.) -- led by Obama -- trying to take over the North Pole (forcing elves to reduce their carbon footprint, among other power grabs) and control Hedrick's hometown of Camas, Washington.

But one little girl's dedication to the "Christmastution" (Is that a thing? Ed.) saves the town from a complete takeover.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

News item: A 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday on allegations of pushing a 100-year-old woman working as a greeter at a Milwaukee Wal-Mart, a police spokeswoman said Monday.
~

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hey retail workers! You've worked hard all year for that tasty Thanksgiving dinner!

Phokk you! You're not getting one! Bet now you wish you'd gotten that MBA like we have. Dummies! While you're up, pour me another drink.

Black Friday Moves to Thursday as Stores Woo Shoppers
~

Once an @$$hole...

Suarez accepts ban for biting opponent - News | FOX Sports on MSN

When his "hand of God" kept Uruguay in the World Cup, I felt sorry for him. You know, what would you have done in that situation? Way to erase all that goodwill, @$$hole!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Monday, November 22, 2010

The most feasible, cost-effective solution to the budget deficit might be...

...building a time machine to take us back to 2000 so we can un-electorate the Rezzzidunce, George Phokking Asshole W. Bush.

"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, CBO projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. CBO's updated budget outlook continues a trend of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement in budget projections since 1997, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years. Although there are signs that economic growth is moderating from recent robust levels, substantial budget surpluses remain on the horizon for the next decade in the absence of large changes in policy. Over the longer term, however, budgetary pressures linked to the aging and retirement of the baby-boom generation threaten to produce record deficits and unsustainable levels of federal debt.

CBO projects that, in the absence of new legislation, total budget surpluses would grow from about 3 percent to more than 5 percent of GDP from 2002 through 2011. Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade (see Summary Table 1). Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption."


-- Congressional Budget Office, Janamary 2001
~

Can't we just cancel Thanksgiving and make Thursday a shopping day?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Meet Congressman-Elect Joe Walsh

He's for cutting people off unemployment insurance (LAZY PHOKKS), while extending tax cuts for these guys and these guys and these guys (the deserving rich). Thanks, Tea Partiers, for bringing us your not-treading-on-me brand of freedom!
~

This might be why Fox "News" is OK with Glenn Beck comparing everybody to Hitler

Roger Ailes, NPR executives and #NPRgoesNazi

After a day of negative commentary over Roger Ailes' comparison of NPR executives to Nazis, the Fox News executive has apologized to the Anti-Defamation League, Politico reports.

"I was of course ad-libbing (well, of course... we understand... Ed.) and should not have chosen that word," Ailes wrote in a letter to Abe Foxman, ADL's national director. "but I was angry at the time because of NPR's willingness to censor Juan Williams for not being liberal enough."


But if NPR executives are sitting around expecting an apology, well, that would be just so Goebbels of them.

@ChiTribRogers: Still Brain-Dead

Lunkhead @ChiTribRogers still thinks W-L record for starting pitchers is more important than ERA, WHIP, IP, K's etc.

Price: Mel Antonen, USA Today; Tony Fabrizio, Tampa Tribune; Phil Rogers, Chicago Tribune; Chris Assenheimer. Elyria (OH) Chronicle.

This just in: Cubs-shillin' Drool Cup Phil is also for the Ricketts' plan to fleece the state, which is already bankrupt and shit.

~

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This is your brain on cheese

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Prosecutors say a rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin's "Dancing with the Stars" routine, sparking an all-night standoff with a SWAT team.

According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.

He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.

He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.

Monday, November 15, 2010

May the Goat Curse continue to work...

The Ricketts family is against “wasteful government spending” unless it helps make them rich


It's funny that Joe Ricketts is so passionate against “wasteful government spending” when his family, led by son, Cubs Chairman Tom Ricketts, has just asked the people of Illinois to borrow $300 million in a bond offering so that it can rehab Wrigley Field. This request follows a vote in Mesa, AZ which guaranteed the Cubs $84 million in public funds to build a new spring training stadium and facility.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Fun things to remember about the Bush tax cuts

1. The Bush tax cuts, written by Congresses led by Denny Hastert and Trent Lott and Bill Frist and signed by George Bush, were set to expire at the end of 2010. Got a prollem wif dat? Talk to them.

2. Part of the rationale for passing "temporary" tax cuts is that we were running record phokking budget surpluses at the time. We are, if the misspelled rally signs of Tea Party activists are to be believed, no longer doing this.

3. The Class War is on, and the plutocrats are kicking your ass.

4. George W. Bush destroyed my country.

5. Sorry if this isn't really much fun after all.

6. George W. Bush is still a yooooge phokking asshole.

Knee Jerk Reactions (cont)

What's next, underwear?

U.S. to ban some toner, ink cartridges from flights | Chicago Breaking Business

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Senator-elect Mark Kirk is talking about fiscal responsibility. Be afraid.

What Senator-elect Mark Kirk said on election night:

"Tonight, the people of Illinois have spoken, and your vote was heard around the world. It was a vote for fiscal responsibility..."

What the Congressional Budget Office said in January 2001 when Congressman Mark Kirk and President George Bush took office:

"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to outstrip spending and produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. The update of CBO's budget outlook that this chapter describes continues a trend, since 1997, of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years ...

"Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade. Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption.

"Within those totals, on-budget surpluses would accumulate to nearly $1 trillion over the next five years and about $3.1 trillion over the 2002-2011 period. On-budget surpluses would range between just over 1 percent to more than 3 percent of GDP. Off-budget surpluses also would total about $1 trillion over the next five years and about $2.5 trillion through 2011. Off-budget surpluses alone would be sufficient to eliminate the debt available for redemption by the end of the 10-year period."
~

Union of Concerned* Scientists says "Welcome Your Freshman Class of Climate Deniers"

* But keep in mind that "concerned" is generally a euphemism for "commie."

The freshman class in their own words (from a UCS e-mail):

"With the possible exception of Tiger Woods, nothing has had a worse year than global warming. We have discovered that a good portion of the science used to justify 'climate change' was a hoax perpetrated by leftist ideologues with an agenda." —Todd Young, new congressperson from Indiana

"I absolutely do not believe that the science of man-caused climate change is proven. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I think it’s far more likely that it’s just sunspot activity or something just in the geologic eons of time where we have changes in the climate." —Ron Johnson, new senator from Wisconsin

"I think we ought to take a look at whatever the group is that measures all this, the IPCC, they don't even believe the crap." —Steve Pearce, new congressperson from New Mexico

"It's a bigger issue, we need to watch 'em. Not only because it may or may not be true, but they're making up their facts to fit their conclusions. They've already caught 'em doing this." —Rand Paul, new senator from Kentucky

"There isn't any real science to say we are altering the climate path of the earth." —Roy Blunt, new senator from Missouri

To which you could add:

Bobby Schilling, IL-17 - "He doesn’t believe in global warming, putting him at odds with almost every major climate change expert in the world but in good standing with his base." (But with a name like Schilling, what could possibly go wrong? Ed.)

Randy Hultgren, IL-14 - "So, I don’t believe we have a significant impact on climate change. Now that said, I do think we have great responsibility as humans for stewardship of our world, and so there are things that we can do to make sure that our environment is well preserved for and I think that is really where we need to get to. So much of this effort dealing with climate change is literally billions and trillions of dollars that’s being spent to affect maybe tenths of a degree or hundredths of a degree of temperature. So we might be able, by spending trillions of dollars to lower our temperature by one one-hundreths of a degree, but that’s so minor and one blip of the sun could completely change it back by so much more. So, just a variation of a sun-spot or whatever that could have that kind of impact. So, again, I’m concerned with the amount of money and the impact on our productivity that we’re having focused on climate change when really I think we have very little direct impact on that." (Again with the sunspots? Ed.)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

FUNG'S HAND-PICKED CANDIDATE???

Illinois Candidate's Name Misspelled As 'Rich Whitey' On Electronic-Voting Machines

There are typos and then there are complete and utter catastrophes.

The Chicago Sun-Times reports that the name of Green Party gubernatorial candidate Rich Whitney is misspelled "Rich Whitey" on electronic-voting machines in 23 wards -- "about half in predominantly African-American areas." The error only occurs on screens voters would see when they are reviewing their choices (Whitney's name appears correctly on the initial screens), but officials say the error cannot be corrected before election day.

Jim Allen, spokesman for the Chicago Board of Elections, told the Sun-Times he expects 90% of votes on election day to be cast on paper ballots -- minimizing the number of voters who would see the misspelling.

"I don't want to be identified as 'Whitey.' If this is happening in primarily African-American wards, that's an even bigger concern," Whitney told the Sun-Times. The paper says he's considering legal action. "I don't know if this is machine politics at play or why this happened."

The latest Rasmussen poll shows Whitney drawing just 2% of the vote.

~

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Has it really been a year?

Since this happened?

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