They can have my Arctic cod when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers

Global warming spurs commercial fishing moratorium in U.S. Arctic

He seems to have gotten the handle on being a Senator pretty quick...

Constituents finding it hard to reach Senator Roland Burris
February 5, 2009
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. -- Constituents say they are finding it hard to contact Sen. Roland Burris by telephone and through the Internet.
Wayne Lovern of Chatham said he called Burris' office in Washington five times on Tuesday and got nothing but busy signals. He said he resorted to sending an e-mail to Sen. Dick Durbin's office and asking his staff to walk it over to Burris' office.
Bill Franklin of Springfield wanted to tell Burris how he should vote on the economic stimulus package but couldn't get through to anyone. Franklin said he's resorted to Googling Burris to find some way to contact the senator but with no luck.
Burris' chief of staff, Darrel Thompson, said the senator's office is doing its best to answer phones amid high call volumes and a small staff.
~

Thanks for the warning, DICK

Cheney warns of new attacks, curses purifying rays of the sun

Former Vice President Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick Cheney warned that there is a "high probability" that terrorists will attempt a catastrophic nuclear or biological attack in coming years, and said he fears the Obama administration’s policies will make it more likely the attempt will succeed.

I don't doubt the first part for a moment, but the second part sounds pretty assfaced coming from the guys who did such a swell job in 2001...
~

Oh, I think they probably do

"I don’t know if the American public deserve me..."
-- Joe the Phokking Plumber
~

Cheering thought as the baseball season approaches...

Clonod (St. Louis): The Cubs' core players (except Soto and Z) are all 31-33 years old, and their farm system is a disaster. Is it just me, or is that window closing fast?

Joe Sheehan: Hence the push to trade for Peavy and open it as wide as possible. They're where the Astros were in 2004-05.

for your black velvet portrait gallery

Joe the Plumber Black Velvet Painting on ebay - Only $250

What to do, who to join...as usual, too many options

Oh yeah, Commish ASSFACE made $18 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEllion last year to SUCK.

Hmmm, no plain and simple Bud Selig SUCKS facegroup. Could be my calling.

Bud Selig should be fired as MLB Commissioner
412 members

Bud Selig is a douche
136 members

Bud Selig should suck a wang.
81 members

Fire Bud Selig
68 members

Bud Selig is the Antichrist
69 members

F**K Bud Selig
63 members

Fuck Bud Selig
54 members

Bud Selig can suck it, we had game 5 won easily.. (Phillies group!)
33 members

1,000,000 people that think Bud Selig is the worst commisioner ever (at least 29 do)
29 members

Baseball fans for the removal of Bud Selig as head of MLB
28 members

I hate bud selig for making astros play in Milwaukee
24 members

bud selig is a retarded bitch
23 members

1,000,000 Fans to Impeach Bud Selig (or 21)
21 members

Start New Fire Bud Selig
17 members

BUD SELIG: Enemy of Baseball
16 members

Fire Bud Selig
13 members

Bud Selig Is An Assclown - Fire Him!!!
11 members

Bud Selig and Barry Bonds can go to Hell together
9 members

Bud Selig NEEDS to resign/be fired
9 members

Way to go Bud Selig..... yea right......
8 members

Bud Selig blew it!
8 members

Allan H. Selig...He's Not Our Bud
Network: SIU Edwardsville
7 members

Why did Bar/Bri hire Bud Selig to teach the Con Law lectures? (HUH?)
7 members

Bud Selig- One giant bag of douche
4 members

FIRE BUD SELIG!!!!!!!
3 members

Bud Selig is a complete jackass
3 members

Bud Selig for President...'08.
2 members

Bud Selig, Worst MLB Commissioner Ever
1 member

John Coleman hates to say he told you so, but John Coleman told you so

"Forty-four percent of U.S. voters now say long-term planetary trends are the cause of global warming, compared to 41% who blame it on human activity..."

Fun places for Smiff to go on the Facebook

Facebook hates Bud Selig

Though to be fair, I never pay my taxes either

a fine way to say "thanks @ss#oles!" to our brave private mercenaries

State Department Cancels Iraq Contract With Blackwater

The chairman is displeased

As transcribed in the Trib:

Mike North: Where would you rate this season?

Jerry Reinsdorf: You want the grade up till today? What's the lowest grade you can give? This has been a disaster. It's embarrassing. But it will get better.

Mike North: With the same people?

from the people who brought you the new definition of santorum...

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

Kicking a decomposing horse

10 anagrams for 'Rod Blagojevich'

Gov. Rich job deal
Led job rig havoc
Vocal bird, he jog
Hard job, evil cog
Oh, clod jive, brag
Hi, crave gold job?
Child rave, job go
Job? Hair clod veg
Rid havoc gel job
Chi, glad job over?

Missed in the pre-election run-up

No. 2 Leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq Killed
U.S. Military Blames Abu Qaswarah, a Moroccan, for Recent Attacks in North
By Ernesto Londoño
Washington Post Foreign Service
Thursday, October 16, 2008; Page A14

BAGHDAD, Oct. 15 -- The U.S. military on Wednesday announced the death of a man it described as the No. 2 leader of the Sunni insurgent group al-Qaeda in Iraq.

The military said it killed Abu Qaswarah on Oct. 5 during an operation in northern Iraq in which four additional alleged al-Qaeda in Iraq members were slain. Abu Qaswarah, also known as Abu Sara, directed the group's operations in northern Iraq, where al-Qaeda in Iraq remains entrenched and has been blamed for recent large-scale attacks, the military said.

Abu Qaswarah had no public profile in Iraq before the military's announcement of his death. U.S. military officials say they have been stunned by how quickly al-Qaeda in Iraq regenerates its leadership as top insurgents are detained or killed.

the panic is spreading

Failure to represent

Stam was the first Miss Indiana to win the pageant. This Hoosier said her favorite sport is football, not hoops.

"I know, it's supposed to be basketball," she said.

She was raised in Seymour, about 60 miles south of Indianapolis. Rather than the home-state Colts, she roots for the Chicago Bears. That's the team her boyfriend of three years cheers for.

Blago: the gift that keeps on taking

Thirty-two blue Blagojevich signs were erected in 2004 at a cost of $480,000. They read: "Open Road Tolling --- Rod R. Blagojevich Governor." It will cost an estimated $15,000 apiece to change them.

Which reminds me - with Blago, Big Time, and the Rezzzidunce out of the way, is it time to turn our rage on Little Todd Stroger?

stand way the phokk back

Swindler sez:

Just looking at his ERA, Pettitte appears to be coming off of a rough 2008– notably in the second half – but his BPIs and likely offensive support indicate that he continues to have some fanalytic gas left in the tank.
~

guns, butter, and tax cuts...

and I'll be dead by the time it all totally blows up! Sounds like a win-win-win-win-hey-kids-phokk-you to me.

Conclusion of hackneyed script

In the end, he left the Capitol in Springfield through a secret basement corridor full of grunting, clanking pipes, bare walls and puddles.

one advantage of a cold climate

Texas Road Signs Warn Of Zombie Attack

Besides the usual rush hour traffic, commuters in Austin, Texas, Monday also had to deal with reports of an imminent zombie attack.

Two city construction road signs near the University of Texas were hacked to display the warnings, reported the Austin American-Statesman.

The electronic signs, which usually warn motorists of traffic detours, instead included warnings such as "Caution! Zombies Ahead!" and "Nazi Zombies! Run!!!"

The signs also instructed motorists to "run for cold climates."

Feinstein: Destroying cars can help economy

CNN reports:

Under a bill introduced by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif., owners of older cars would get vouchers worth thousands of dollars toward the purchase of newer, more fuel-efficient vehicle. For the customer to get that cash, the car dealer would have to certify that the trade-in was getting scrapped and not resold. The car's vehicle identification number (VIN) would be tracked to make sure it never shows up on a vehicle registration again.

Crushing the old car has two benefits. First, it ensures that the consumer's purchase of a more efficient vehicle actually has a net environmental benefit. Second, it prevents a glut of used cars on the market, which would reduce trade-in values for new car buyers such as Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif.

Gov. Pat Quinn is in charge

Blago out of Illinois Politics PERMANENTLY. W and Blago in the same month? Surely this must be a sign of the end times...

Great news! Blago back home safe (same day! wow, quick! it's great to have your own jet and stick somebody else with the tab) and went for a jog

"Yeah, it's unprecedented, but future generations will know that we have this thing called impeachment, and whenever any of our leaders, who are human beings like us, overstep the boundaries, the process is in place," Meeks said. "We have this thing called impeachment and it's bleeping golden and we've used it the right way."

This Murphy feller is coming out of this looking pretty good... not hard to imagine him beating whoever beats Quinn in the primary as the Democrat Party implodes in Illinois...

Sen. Matt Murphy of Palatine, whom Senate Republicans have put in the spotlight during the impeachment process, offered a blistering critique of Blagojevich.

"He reminded us today in real detail that he is an unusually good liar," Murphy said. "We bent over backwards to make sure that this process was fair."

"His conduct this last week, though, is not why I'm voting to convict him," Murphy said. "It's pretty clear that he extorted or attempted to extort."

"He came down and wrapped himself in the constitution," Murphy said. "He's a hypocrite."

"Is there any real question in anybody's mind that the thing he saw as 'bleeping golden' he planned to use for his own benefit, not for the state of Illinois? I don't think so," Murphy said, referring to Obama's vacated U.S. Senate seat.

liberal, Obama-sycophantic media at it again

REPORT: GOP Lawmakers Outnumber Democratic Lawmakers 2 To 1 In Stimulus Debate On Cable News»

As Media Matters has documented, during the Bush administration, the media consistently allowed conservatives to dominate their shows, booking them as guests far more often than progressives. The rationale was that Republicans were “in power.”

It appears that old habits die hard. Even though President Obama and his team are in control of the executive branch and Democrats are in the majority in Congress, the cable networks are still turning more often to Republicans and allowing them to set the agenda on major issues, most recently on the debate over the economic recovery package. . .

The drastically imbalanced coverage isn’t the first time that the news networks have effectively supported attacks on the recovery plans. As ThinkProgress reported on Monday, the cable networks, the Sunday shows and the network newscasts promoted a controversial CBO non-report 81 times before the actual CBO analysis of the stimulus plan was released.

annudder mission accomplished

John McKay, who represented the Riverside County-based California Lutheran High School, said the ruling correctly acknowledged that the school's purpose was to "teach Christian values in a Christian setting pursuant to a Christian code of conduct."

Done.
~

Is this the last phokking plane ride we have to pay for?

Happening today
• Now: Governor flying to Springfield

Maybe our next gubnor will discover that the gubnor has, like, an office and s#i+... right there in the phokking capital...

He's pointing at you, Fung

Pitchfork attacks Yo-Yo Ma as "rank opportunist"

Fresh off hitting minor controversy on Inauguration Day, the famous cellist has become collateral damage in the indie tastemakers' latest anti-Smashing Pumpkins broadside:

The Pumpkins' "FOL" will soundtrack the commercial for the Hyundai Genesis Coupe, which will air immediately before kickoff on Sunday. Because, you know, when you think of the mid-90s modern-rock-radio glory days, you think of Hyundai. According to a press release, the commercial will focus on the car's "fluid design and track-worthy performance." Fellow rank opportunist Yo-Yo Ma will also soundtrack a Genesis Coupe ad, though that one won't air during the Super Bowl.

Fat Blips (cont)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn494V1JrIc

This commercial bothers Fung. So because her child who has an imagination calls this woman a twin of a snowman, that means she's fat & has to go on a special K diet? And she was wearing a freaking winter coat at the time too? What is this country coming to?

Who will address our crumbling golf infrastructure?

Congress looks to keep stimulus cash from zoos, golf courses

"I swear I just saw Smiff on TV celebrating in the clubhouse! But that can't be, can it?"

...no, it can't be. It was this guy:

I'm disappointed in all of you for not beating me to posting this

The instructions for constructing this massive torpedo-shaped amalgamation of two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce first appeared last month on the Web site of a team of Kansas City competition barbecuers. They say a diverse collection of well over 16,000 Web sites have linked to the recipe, celebrating, or sometimes scolding, its excessiveness. A fresh audience could be ready to discover it on Super Bowl Sunday.

You won't have Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich to kick around much longer

In 1980, most twentysomething men probably pined to bump into one of the Beatles or maybe Bo Derek; Blago wanted the autograph of our nation’s most notorious politician. Knowing this is like being handed the lost first chapter of The Blagojevich Saga after reading three-quarters of the way through: You’re already up to your eyeballs in drama, but everything that transpired thus far now rings truer— The taped conversations! The threats during taped conversations! The swearing during taped conversations!
~
In the summer of 1980 before he started law school, Blago and a friend, on their first trip to New York City, (the friend was later in the news for giving Blago's daughter a check for $1,500 after the man's wife got a state job) awoke at 4:30 am so 23-year-old Rod could get an autograph from Nixon as he left his Upper East Side townhouse for his morning walk. Wearing a suit, Nixon emerged at 7. As his secret service agents eyed the boys warily, Blago, wearing running shorts, was waiting with his line: "Mr. President, can I trouble you for an autograph?" He asked that Nixon sign the autograph to his mother who, Blagojevich explained, loved Nixon because "he had suffered so much," had "two lovely daughters," and "was loyal to Pat."
~
While going to school at Northwestern University, Blagojevich idolized Nixon, according to friends, frequently defending him during the Watergate scandal. According to a long-time Blagojevich friend, the future governor often found inspiration in Nixon's "me against the world" sensibility. Blagojevich particularly loved the fact that Nixon bounced back after the "you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore" speech after losing the race for California governor in 1962.
~

One less thing to worry about

Though somehow, this is still bound to wipe out the Horror bullpen eventually...

Doc’s confession: We made up ‘cello scrotum’
~

"errors and mistakes" were made (cont'd)

From today's Chronicle of Higher Education...

In 2007, after several high-profile plagiarism scandals, Southern Illinois University released a 17-page report on how to deal with the issue. The report includes a lengthy definition of plagiarism, explaining exactly what does and does not merit the dreaded "p" word.

One problem: That definition appears to have been plagiarized.

The 139-word definition used in the report is nearly identical to the definition adopted by Indiana University in 2005. . .

In recent years, Southern Illinois has had more than its share of plagiarism cases. In 2006, the chancellor of the Carbondale campus was asked to step down after it was discovered that portions of a strategic plan he wrote for Southern Illinois had been taken from a strategic plan he helped write for another university.

The following year it was revealed that the president of the system, Glenn Poshard, had copied large sections of his 1984 dissertation without citation. A university committee deemed the copying "errors and mistakes" rather than plagiarism. . .

Boobies!

'Man boobs'
Why UK is seeing big rise in male breast reduction

I'd recommend wearing a bro myself...

Fungrant

Scrabble Beta sucks.  No way to sugar coat it.  Scrabble Beta sucks.  They sued to get a better (though obviously a ripoff) product yanked from the Facebooks and then they put up this product that sucks arse.  Case & Point - I gets a note yesterday saying Corms came back for more after a defeat over the weekend.  Fung goes in - says no active game.  Then it says error, please reload, which it like ALWAYS FREAKING SAYS!  So Corms, I don't see your game - it doesn't show up.  Scrabulous didn't have those fancy graphics, but it freaking worked (most of the time).  Hasbro, get off your arse and fix this $#!+.

pray harder, dude (cont'd)

"It may not come off this way, but you’ve never met a host who wants to be wrong more than me. (Well then... great news! - Ed.) I pray, literally pray, each day, 'Dear Lord, show me where I'm wrong.'"
. . .

"This man may be a capitalist, but he is probably more of a socialist. He has surrounded himself with Marxist views his whole life, so how much of it has rubbed off on him, I think, is a reasonable question to ask." (God? Buehler? Anyone? - Ed.)

Are we paying for this?

Gov's TV tour continues:
6:45 a.m. CBS' Evening News
7:00 a.m. CBS' Early Show
8:10 a.m. Fox & Friends
8:45 a.m. AP TV
10:30 a.m. Fox Business Network
11:15 a.m. In Session/TruTV
12:30 p.m. FOX's Glenn Beck
1:30 p.m. CNN's Campbell Brown
2:00 p.m. MSNBC's Rachel Maddow
2:30 p.m. FOX's Greta Van Susteren
3:30 p.m. CNN's DL Hughley

Maybe Rush Limbaugh could write for Pravda

Look, for a typical example, at Pravda.ru, the Russian Web site that succeeded the organ of the Soviet Communist Party. Writing in the spirit of times past, one of its authors informed readers last week that Obama's presidency was a sham. After all, he "became the president because one needed a scapegoat during hard times of the crisis," and he will not last: "If Obama does not manage to extricate the nation from the crisis in two or three years, the Republicans will unveil their real candidate, and Obama's presidency will finish earlier than expected." The U.S. president, in other words, is merely a placeholder -- a description that makes him sound remarkably similar to the president of Russia.

the clinical evaluation is in: he's not crazy, he's just an @sshole

Though I think the full medical term is yooge PHOKKING @sshole...

He quotes poets at press conferences, but seldom takes questions. Reporters have seen him grab cell phones from complete strangers, interrupting conversations to say, "Hi, this is the governor." When lawmakers unanimously reject his proposal to tax businesses, he says that’s a vote of confidence.

Is Gov. Rod Blagojevich crazy?

The answer: Not exactly, according to experts in mental and personality disorders. But that doesn’t mean Blagojevich qualifies as normal.

"I’m not sure the question is about (mental) stability," says Dr. Joe Bohlen, a Springfield psychiatrist. "It may be more about personality."

"Personality," my friends...
~

"This is William Kristol’s last column."

K-Mad's search for a scapegoat goes on (cont'd)

Coffee Linked to Lower Dementia Risk

Wonderful

Jon Hilkevitch: When CTA driver runs light, you pay

The change was made in part because of pressure from the bus drivers union in response to the proliferation of red-light cameras across the city, officials said.

Once again, darned unions making us pay for what the drivers should pay for.

Running red lights is not condoned under any circumstances, including to get tardy buses back on schedule, transit officials said.

"Bus operators are professional drivers, and they are taught defensive driving," Gaffney said. "When they are approaching an intersection, they are supposed to be covering the brake [pedal with their foot], and if they see the yellow light, they should be prepared to bring the bus to a safe stop."

Asked to respond to comments from bus drivers that sudden stops could cause injury to bus passengers, Gaffney said the drivers are "trained to avoid driving in a manner that would cause them to stop suddenly."

Yes, well they all need a refresher course on this one. Whenever I've been standing on a bus I've been nearly sent flying quite a few times. And lots of those times we aren't at a traffic light, but in rush hour traffic on LSD. They all think driving = gassing it up and then jamming on the brakes, so it's funny that they try and get out of the red light thing by saying "but then we'd have to jam on the brakes" when that's how they normally drive.

I remember a copper coming over and just chewing out a bus driver for running a light on Michigan. I didn't see the whole thing but he kept coming up with lame excuse after lame excuse and she was having none of it. Wish we had more like her. If the CTA pays and then "disciplines" the drivers internally, who's to say that they don't just sweep it under the carpet and make us pay?

Don't try this at home... ok, Smiff can try it, but he has to report back to the rest of us

There isn't much to making bacon vodka: You throw a few cooked slices into the bottle, put it in a cupboard, and wait three weeks.

Police Should be Given More Power

That must be one old looking 14 year old.

As seen on Krusty's Kavalcade of Komedy

You too can sign up for updates about Barack Obama's Renew America Together (BORAT) initiative at http://www.usaservice.org

Find yourself (through the) printing (of) money

Ben Bernanke, on the bailout(s):

I've been condemned by traditional economists who said that printing money is responsible for inflation. ...I found myself doing extraordinary things that aren't in the textbooks.

No, just kidding, that's the chief central banker of Zimbabwe.

if the New York Times were Wikipedia...

I'd tag this weasel word as follows:

Through his budget director, Peter R. Orszag, Mr. Obama committed to seeing that three-quarters of the combined spending and tax cuts would be used within 18 months, to provide the fiscal jolt that economists[who?] say is needed to jump-start the economy.

...of course, there would also be a lot more wrong with the article

The more things change, the more they are Dusty

Manager Dusty Baker confirmed Thursday that Willy Taveras will be the Reds' leadoff hitter.
Naturally, Baker focuses on Taveras' speed rather than his .331 career on-base percentage. "His role is he's our center fielder and our leadoff man," Baker said. "The fact that he's so young, he's going to get better. A lot of people talk about his on-base percentage. I like to think in terms of him getting into scoring position." If you're curious, the "so young" Taveras turned 27 last month.
~

O-bomb-a!

18 killed as suspected U.S. missiles hit Pakistan
Alleged U.S. spy planes attack militant areas in first strikes of Obama era
Associated Press
updated 41 minutes ago

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Two suspected U.S. missile attacks killed 18 people Friday on the Pakistan side of the Afghan border, in the first such strikes since the inauguration of President Barack Obama.

etymology marches on

I was there! We were probably among the very last ones to get through in time.

Purplegate

A serious and preventable error caused by poor planning, derived from the denial of entry to thousands of ticketholders at the Purple Gate on Inauguration Day 2009.

Q: On this, George W. Bush's last day in office, what one word do you feel best describes the past eight years?

A: Purplegate.

John Quincy Adams: wid da tarrists

"I checked. We have never had a president sworn into office without a Bible."
-- Fox News's Glenn Beck, 1/22/09

VERSUS

"According to his own version of his Inauguration, [John Quincy] Adams took the oath upon a volume of law.."
-- Senate inauguration history website
~

But wait til Jimmy Bloheim gets a restraining order because they stole his mantra

There’s no sugar-coating what More Cupcakes thinks of its competition.

The Gold Coast bakery at 1 E. Delaware that made headlines last year with its bacon-lettuce-tomato cupcake (and other odd, savory flavors) says one of its bakers has gone to work for the competition — the newly opened Sugar Bliss Cupcake Boutique at 115 N. Wabash — in violation of a confidentiality agreement.

It has filed a lawsuit against Melanie Rodewald, the baker in question, in Cook County Circuit Court. More was also granted a temporary restraining order that prevents Ms. Rodewald from working at Sugar Bliss. . .

Rock Me Hard Place

Governor: They're 'getting rid of me to raise taxes'

I put this quandary to a co-worker - keep the Governor, or higher taxes. His answer? Ditka.

The new rezzzidence of the former Rezzzidunce?

Bill Kristol: new front-page editor?

NYT A1 today. Spot the logical flaw, or just be attuned to my boldfacing:

BEIRUT, Lebanon — The emergence of a former Guantánamo Bay detainee as the deputy leader of Al Qaeda’s Yemeni branch has underscored the potential complications in carrying out the executive order President Obama signed Thursday that the detention center be shut down within a year [that is, during 2009].

The militant, Said Ali al-Shihri, is suspected of involvement in a deadly bombing of the United States Embassy in Yemen’s capital, Sana, in September. He was released to Saudi Arabia in 2007 and passed through a Saudi rehabilitation program for former jihadists before resurfacing with Al Qaeda in Yemen.

So, according to the New York Times's Robert F. Worth: The way the Bush administration let a terrorist go scot-free back to Saudi Arabia in 2007 "underscores the potential complications" in Obama's plan to handle detainees in a completely different way than Bush did.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(cont)

Palin Wants to Write a Book

The Hollywood Reporter says Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) as apparently enlisted the help of Washington attorney Robert Barnett to sell a book proposal. Barnett has previously brokered book deals for President Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. And he's already handling Obama campaign manager David Plouffe's book about the the 2008 campaign.

In contrast to the always wrong Bill "Always Wrong" Kristol, some news outlets had the details more or less figured out

"Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address yesterday that 'our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over...'"

"My fellow Americans . . . at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

. . . Bush promised to bring an end to the "severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years."

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration. . . Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

"On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further."

And there was much rejoicing

Shockingly few witness Obama's swearing-in

The Day

I kept wondering if they flashed back to the podium after the convocation if Justice Stevens was yelling into a dead microphone, "I quit, I quit."

It's a shame Strom Thurmond was not here to witness this day. On the other hand, he would have loved Michelle.

It was a paradigm shift for me today. I was hoping that after Bush left office he would be prosecuted. Or if that failed, shot. Maybe I'm just in a particularly good mood, but I hope they can convict him and members of his administration for all the crimes they committed in office. Whether he or anyone is ever held specifically responsible for it, beyond censure, I'm not sure I care anymore. History will judge him, and he is unreachable, irredeemable and unreformable by any method of punishment that I can fathom.

This is getting ridiculous

Is Wrigley still big enough to host a football game?

On the one hand, Fung might actually go to a 'Cats game if it were that close. On da udder hand, it's Wrigley. Where dreams go to die. Horribly. Why don't you try charging less for a game instead?

Whitey keeping darky down (cont)

Apparently Obama flubbed the oath because Roberts flubbed the oath, thereby throwing him off. I tell you whitey, you never let us have anything.

New Rules

With the new President being black & all, I'm now in charge of this blog. I shall publish new rules shortly. You have been warned.

Spring Cleaning

A whole buncha signs on the right side there are gonna have to come down now... Puzzled, Sad may end up on top...

I will start by removing the ones I'm responsible for. Just need to find new ones...

New President, same media

Wolf Blitzer just described Obama's penmanship as "excellent...really impressive."

The End of THIS ASSHOLE!

Less than 24 hours left for Bush to destroy the universe

If you don't think he's capable of it, read this. It's possible that nobody ever sucked at anything as much as he has sucked at this.

If you hear a BOOM and see a bright flash of light in the sky...

Travis Hafner, who battled shoulder injuries throughout 2008 and had surgery in October, is scheduled to swing a bat Monday. …

Say it ain't So!

The Cubs have reportedly agreed to a minor league deal with outfielder So Taguchi.
Assuming that Felix Pie is gone, Taguchi would battle Joey Gathright for a job as a reserve outfielder in spring training. However, it'd be one of those cases in which a team would much prefer to see the younger player win the job. Taguchi hit .220/.283/.297 in 91 at-bats for the Phils last year.
~

Whitey, whitey, whitey

Lawyers quit impeachment case, call it a 'lynching'

You can't call it a lynching. How the heck would you know what a, oh, wait, that's right, you used to dish 'em out so you are intimately familiar with the process. Never mind...

I knew K-Mad would want to read the last one...

Dana Perino, at last White House briefing says "go easy" on successor Robert Gibbs "for a week"

MS. PERINO: Welcome, everyone, to the last press briefing of the Bush administration. It's hard to believe that this is my 145th and final press briefing behind this podium. Over 1,000 briefings have been given by press secretaries and deputy press secretaries, at this podium, since the beginning of the administration -- starting, of course, with our very good friend (and tremendous asshole--ed.), Ari Fleischer.

I've been honored to have been able to speak on President Bush's behalf and it's been a privilege to take your questions....
~

Speaking of JTP, any news from Gaza?

So much for removing 10 zeros

Zimbabwe rolls out Z$100tr note 

Chilly?

Chicago windchills plunge to dangerous levels • Too cold to fix potholes, be mayor | Why do you live here? Really, WHY?? | Photos • Weather: Skilling | Forecast, conditions, FULLASHIT | Wind chill, brain freeze warning • Watch and listen: The lakefront at sunrise (sun?) • How to survive: Advice from Fargo (wood chipper?) | Tips from doormen ("Go inside, moron!") • But don't do this: Indiana boy licks light pole, gets stuck (Triple-dog dared) • Frozen Off Limbs: Your photos | Your comments

0 day, 23 hours, 12 minutes, 53 seconds since Chicago's
temperature dropped below 0

Smiff discovers world's largest lima bean

Smiff showing his true colors?

And what's he doing in Reno anyway?

The last time Tim Cook ran Apple

under comments:

Dead in 3 months.

Posted By mike smith, reno, nv : January 15, 2009 12:08 pm

Then Smiff decided to be more generous a few minutes later...

I see a future dead man
I give him 4-5 months to live

Posted By mike smith, reno, nv : January 15, 2009 12:18 pm

  

Still not official until it goes up on the mausoleum

Roland Burris sworn in as senator to replace Obama (AP)

~

Life imitates the movies (cont'd)

HAMMOND, Ind. - In a scene straight out of the movie "A Christmas Story," a 10-year-old Hammond boy got his tongue stuck to a metal light pole.

Police say the unidentified 4th grader was able to tell them a friend had dared him to lick the pole Wednesday night. Temperatures in Hammond were around 10 degrees at the time.

By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy was able to yank his tongue off the frozen pole.

Police say ambulance personnel explained to the boy's mother how to care for his bleeding tongue.

Cheney on Iraq: all Saddam's fault... and Clinton's...

LEHRER: The President has also said that mistakes -- he made some mistakes in the last eight years. Did you make any?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, make mistakes -- I can think of places where I underestimated things. For example, when you talk about Iraq, the extent of which the Iraqi population had been beaten down by Saddam Hussein was greater than I anticipated. That is, we thought that the Iraqis would be able to bounce back fairly quickly, once Saddam was gone and their new government established, and step up to take major responsibilities for governing Iraq, building a military and so forth. And that took longer than I expected. (Riiight... it couldn't have been your infantile assumption that destroying a country and removing a government in a country with centuries-long animosities is a good way to start a country on the path to democracy... Oh yeah, "bounce back" -- like in the cartoons where Wile E. Coyote blows up and then wiggles his head a few times and his face regenerates itself? Well reality ain't Road Runner, @ss#hole...Ed.).

Q When you look back on that, why? How did that miscalculation come about?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, we didn't have that good of intelligence (bad brainzzz... Ed.) I don't think, with respect to sort of a state of affairs inside Iraq. A lot of that had been wiped out over the years. Saddam Hussein was so brutal, killed so many people, slaughtered so many innocents, that it had a lasting effect on Iraqi society that was greater than I expected. . .

Q But Mr. Vice President, getting from there to here, 4,500 Americans have died, at least 100,000 Iraqis have died. Has it been worth that?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: I think so.

Q Why?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Because I'm a soulless, blood sucking, creature of the night. Well what he actually said is here.

Still, there has to be a way to pin all this on Slick Willie...

THE VICE PRESIDENT: No. I think the argument that this is a failed presidency is just dead wrong. I think we'll hear that from some of our critics, but when I look back at what we've been able to do, we dealt with big issues, we didn't deal with school uniforms. We dealt with the fact that we brought down two of the worst regimes in the 20th century, the Taliban in Afghanistan and Saddam Hussein in Iraq.

We were forced -- when we arrived, shortly after we arrived -- to have to deal with the global war on terror, which had not been managed properly before that. We ended up inheriting this situation, which has been very challenging, but we've been very successful at it. And when you look at what we've been able to do, both in terms of our activities overseas, as well as our operations that allowed us to block any further attack against the United States here at home, I think those are great successes. And I think there aren't very many administrations that can point to successes on that scale.

To die for

Watch CBS Videos Online

Uh, huevos?

Or: Cricket post # 894 of 2,345,097,883,285....

What is cricket's 'protected area'?

Signs of da End Times?

NJ removes kids with Nazi names from home

Annudder Adolf Hitler may be embarking on a troubled childhood? And don't these things come in threes?

Nature Fights Back

Once K-Mad drafts him, he'll be on a slow boat back to China w/o either of his labrums

Tigers signed LHP Fu-Te Ni to a minor league contract and invited him to spring training. An agreement was reached last month, but the Tigers announced it today. Ni, 26, went 5-12 with a 3.34 ERA and a league-leading 132 strikeouts in 145 1/3 innings for his team in Taiwan last season. The sidearmer is highly unlikely to make it as a starter in the majors, but perhaps he could have some success in the bullpen.
~

Jumpin on the Bandwagon

It's the Cyclones and Sarge is in charge!

Mmmm. Burger. Aaaaaargh.

Ditch 10 Facebook friends, get a free sandwich

Fung doesn't have enuff friends to make dis sacrifice yet. But perhaps some of you popular folks are in dire straights & need food...

Crazy Japanese (cont)

Rent-a-friend in Japan

Now I know why Sarge likes the orient, he likes being "rented"...

I am shocked...

SHOCKED... to wake up to discover the complete and udder absence of any semblance of a blizzard.

The Six Faces of Stupid Evil Asshole

Hah! Suckers! Wait... here? Oh, s#i+...

Blizzard, bitter cold, freezing locusts in forecast

A blizzard warning is in effect for late tonight through noon Tuesday.

A blizzard with whiteout conditions is expected. The warning was an upgrade from an earlier blizzard watch.

The National Weather Service said a strong winter storm system across the Dakotas will reach northern Illinois and northwest Indiana by tonight. There is a likelihood of falling and blowing snow with strong winds and extremely limited visibility.

Accumulating snow is expected to begin this afternoon, with 2 to 5 inches possible across far northern Illinois and 1 to 3 inches elsewhere, the weather service said.

Strong northwest winds gusting to 35 m.p.h. will result in significant blowing and drifting snow and possible blizzard or near-blizzard conditions overnight into Tuesday morning. Visibility may be less than a quarter-mile, and travel will become extremely dangerous and may become nearly impossible, the weather service warned.

Arctic air moving into the area behind the system is expected to produce windchills of 15 degrees below zero to 20 below late tonight into Tuesday morning. . .

Huh?

The Bears have added former Lions coach Rod Marinelli to the coaching staff. What do you think?
Good move (1331 responses)
60.9%
Bad move (339 responses)
15.5%
Let's wait and see (514 responses)
23.5%
2184 total responses (Results IDIOTIC)
~

Isn't there a law against this?

Mike North and Dan Jiggetts' TV show debuts

~

worrying that this didn't generate a good LoC rant yet

"Let’s get this straight from the start: When it comes to my Hall of Fame ballot, I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to be a curmudgeon with a ridiculously high standard — not when the standard for election is 75 percent.

So, by design, I have decided that if I can make a good case for a player, I am going to vote for him.

Sometimes I surprise even myself. I did it this year, checking eight names the first day I considered the ballot and going back to add a ninth just before putting it in the mail. That would be Mark Grace, the guy who sometimes seemed as much a politician as a player during his 13 seasons as the Cubs’ first baseman.

He didn’t hit for power, which is the first thing most people look for in a first baseman. But otherwise he was terrific: .303 career average, more than 11/2 walks for every strikeout, elite fielding skills, leadership in the clubhouse. He led the majors in hits in the 1990s, with 180-plus in seven of those seasons."

Mistakes were made

This is CNN - we report, therefore it is.

Deceased K-Mad Pitchers (A Partial List)

It's Hot Stove Heater Time! And at Lattice of Coincidence, that means taking a look back at the freak show that is KMad's hatred of pitchers and all they stand for. He would kill one the way a storm trooper would kill an ewok. The way that Tom Cruise would a psychiatrist. The way that Dick Cheney would an innocent sleepy infant suckling at her mother's breast.

Here is a list compiled of Deceased KMad pitchers (an * means they are or were also members of the Blue Ward Cyclones Baseball Collective of Brooklyn, New York).

1. Taylor Buchholtz
2. Cole Hamels (*)(?); Ryan Madsen (?); Brad Lidge (?) - Smiff was raving in the post and not quite clear
3. Eric Bedard (killed very dead)
4. Eric Hurley
5. Manny Acosta
6. Brett Myers (*)
7. Pat Misch
8. Will Ledezma
9. Ross Ohlendorf
10. John Bale
11. Joey Devine
12. Al Reyes
13. Phil Hughes (*)(doomed)
14. Ian Kennedy (like a deer on train tracks with a broken leg)
15. Geremi Gonzalez (struck by lighting, actually dead.)
16. Andrew Miller
17. Justin Dusherer
18. Pedro Martinez
19. Carlos Carrasco
20. Greg Miller (*)
21. Micha Owings
22. Manny Corpus (*)
23. Scott Olsen
24. Zach Duke
25. Josh Johnson
26. Andy Pettite
27. Juan Cruz (*)

Those classified as Soon To Be Deceased, in which KMad is still stirring the pot of his hatred (some of the above were originally listed with this designation)

1. Johann Santana
2. Eri Yoshida (she's 16, she's beautiful and she's KMad's...next meal!)
3. Andrew Cashner
4. Clayton Kershaw (*)
5. Felix Hernandez (*)
6. Joakim Soria (1/2* - was offered to the Cyclones for Danny Graves - whoops)