International Energy Agency: "IEA research has confirmed that, at 30.6 gigatonnes last year, carbon emissions are at their highest in history, making a record jump of 1.6Gt in the last decade. The globe now appears to be on track for a temperature rise of around 3.5 degrees Celsius, well beyond the 2 degree limit after which dramatic climate change will take place..." (Bummer... Ed.)
Some angry guy on the radio picking on that nice, clean-cut Mitt Romney: "We’re in the midst here of discovering that this is all a hoax. The last year has established that the whole premise of man-made global warming is a hoax, and we still have presidential candidates that want to buy into it." (Yay!! Ed.)
Never mind all that. Neuticles are so awesome, even Rocky Kardashian uses them. (On her pet... Ed.)
~
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Literally Unbelievable (cont)
Tennessee Just Made Offensive Online Pictures Illegal - Gizmodo
The law prohibits the online distribution of any image that might "frighten, intimidate or cause emotional distress" to someone who sees it. Which, really, could be virtually anything.
Like Smiff wearing an Elvis costume. Or K-Mad dressed as a chicken. Where does it end?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Carlos Zambrano Has Never Made the Wrong Pitch
Cubs’ Zambrano--clearly insane--apologizes for remarks
CINCINNATI (AP)—Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has apologized to closer Carlos Marmol for second-guessing how he pitched in Chicago’s most recent loss.
Zambrano criticized Marmol’s approach after a 3-2 loss Sunday at St. Louis. He said Marmol should have thrown Ryan Theriot a fastball rather than a slider, which the former Cubs player hit for a tying double in the ninth inning. Albert Pujols won it with a homer in the 10th.
Zambrano said before Monday night’s game at Cincinnati that he was wrong to criticize Marmol that way. He said he made the remarks out of frustration. Manager Mike Quade also talked to Zambrano and said he won’t be fined.
~
CINCINNATI (AP)—Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has apologized to closer Carlos Marmol for second-guessing how he pitched in Chicago’s most recent loss.
Zambrano criticized Marmol’s approach after a 3-2 loss Sunday at St. Louis. He said Marmol should have thrown Ryan Theriot a fastball rather than a slider, which the former Cubs player hit for a tying double in the ninth inning. Albert Pujols won it with a homer in the 10th.
Zambrano said before Monday night’s game at Cincinnati that he was wrong to criticize Marmol that way. He said he made the remarks out of frustration. Manager Mike Quade also talked to Zambrano and said he won’t be fined.
~
I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding...
Lenny Dykstra Charged With 23 Counts By Los Angeles County
Dykstra is charged with five counts of attempted grand theft auto, eight counts of filing false financial statements, four counts of identity theft, three counts of grand theft auto and three counts of possession of a controlled substance. All are felonies.
In addition, he is charged with one misdemeanor count each of possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and unauthorized possession of a syringe.
~
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Literally unbelievable (cont'd)
Place your Onion-or-real bets before you check this link.
... [C]onsider Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs and cats, at about $1,000 a pair, which, their designers say, help "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering."
... [C]onsider Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs and cats, at about $1,000 a pair, which, their designers say, help "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering."
Friday, June 3, 2011
Literally unbelievable (cont'd)
Further evidence that the Soviets caved way too easily...
A few weeks ago representatives from a company called FireEye were in the GCN Lab demonstrating their product, which can protect networks from most phishing attacks. An engineer told me a story about a company he knew that would run phishing drills with their employees. They would tell everyone in the company that a phishing scam (created internally for just this purpose) would be delivered at noon the next day. They told them what the scam would attempt to get them to do and what the scam would look like. They told everyone to treat it like a real phishing scam, and to delete or ignore the e-mail. For extra points, they were told they could alert the tech staff about the attack, though this wasn’t required.
Sounds simple, right? According to the engineer telling the story, even with all those precautions, 60 percent of the people in the company still clicked on the e-mail the next day and about 30 percent entered their network passwords into the "hacker site." I can’t help but wonder how many of those same people must touch their red hot stove burner every day just to make sure it’s heating properly.
~
A few weeks ago representatives from a company called FireEye were in the GCN Lab demonstrating their product, which can protect networks from most phishing attacks. An engineer told me a story about a company he knew that would run phishing drills with their employees. They would tell everyone in the company that a phishing scam (created internally for just this purpose) would be delivered at noon the next day. They told them what the scam would attempt to get them to do and what the scam would look like. They told everyone to treat it like a real phishing scam, and to delete or ignore the e-mail. For extra points, they were told they could alert the tech staff about the attack, though this wasn’t required.
Sounds simple, right? According to the engineer telling the story, even with all those precautions, 60 percent of the people in the company still clicked on the e-mail the next day and about 30 percent entered their network passwords into the "hacker site." I can’t help but wonder how many of those same people must touch their red hot stove burner every day just to make sure it’s heating properly.
~
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Drug War Profiteering
Click through for exciting new developments in the war on drugs. Why stop the flow of drugs when we can skim money off the top. Let's get those dealers selling!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
End-times Trivial Pursuit
Spent plenty of time hearing about Ragnorok, or something similar, the past couple weeks.
Here was the question I posited in the interwebs and so far the answers just seem to pick apart the question. Perhaps there are two many theoreticals (or too many people convinced they can't be wrong) but I thought it was fun and end-timey, topical in a truly American drive-thru religion type of way. If you die and find that you retain some consciousness - let's say like a spirit. But that your way to eternal life and salvation is denied (due to your religion). If you had the ability to somehow tell your loved ones to convert - would you do so?
The closest I got to an answer I liked was that there are three possible solutions (1) there is no afterlife, (2) there is an afterlife but no ability to communicate about it or (3) there is an afterlife and an ability to communicate about it and all of our ancestors are assholes. That responder said she favored doors No. 1 or 2.
Here was the question I posited in the interwebs and so far the answers just seem to pick apart the question. Perhaps there are two many theoreticals (or too many people convinced they can't be wrong) but I thought it was fun and end-timey, topical in a truly American drive-thru religion type of way. If you die and find that you retain some consciousness - let's say like a spirit. But that your way to eternal life and salvation is denied (due to your religion). If you had the ability to somehow tell your loved ones to convert - would you do so?
The closest I got to an answer I liked was that there are three possible solutions (1) there is no afterlife, (2) there is an afterlife but no ability to communicate about it or (3) there is an afterlife and an ability to communicate about it and all of our ancestors are assholes. That responder said she favored doors No. 1 or 2.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
End Times Flowchart
Coz, you know, we don't have long to go...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Land of Scaring the Living S#i+ Out of You
ORANGEVILLE-(WREX) A disguised deputy entered Orangeville Jr-Sr High School Friday with a cap gun and fired it around students.
It was all part of a safety drill, but parents are angry and one mother and her son spoke out.
"I started praying to God and saying my last words," said Orangeville High School student Skylar Walters. "I was scared, I didn't know what to do," said
Walters was in gym class last Friday when a man came in with a gun, calling the name of a fellow student.
"Kids were just running everywhere and crying and hiding, ran off school grounds," said Walters. "It was just the scariest thing in my life."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Really slow news day
According to some TV news prog in Florida, dis guy is a hoarder. An e-hoarder to be exact. Perhaps I'm speaking for myself, but dat guy is an amateur. 3,500 emails in his Gmail? The HORROR! I know someone who had 100,000 UNREAD messages. And I'm pretty sure I have 6 computer carcasses in my apartment - it's called wanting to recycle them but not knowing where to go to recycle them and maybe there's a part in there that I may need or maybe some day it will be worth a meeelion dollars because by then a meeelion dollars will be an hourly wage. But certainly not e-hoarding. Now the Packer stuff? Yeah, that's a little nutz.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Monday, May 9, 2011
Terrorist killed by terrorists?
According to ze Germans, ya...
"And they also have the ‘Team Six,’ that carried out the mission. They don’t have the skull in their emblem for nothing."
Our culture is so convincing foreign news publishes it as real. I mean, how many Onion stories have been published in newspapers as the real deal? Now a fan made emblem ends up on tee vee? The rest of the world is boned.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Still Fiery!
Ozzie Guillen has been suspended two games and fined an undisclosed amount by MLB for tweeting after his ejection earlier this week.
Guillen was expecting a fine, but he got even more for tweeting "This one going to cost me a lot money this is patetic" and "Today a tough guy show up a yankee stadium" following his ejection by home plate umpire Todd Tichenor. He'll serve the suspension during the first two games of the series against the Orioles, with bench coach Joey Cora taking over as acting manager.
Dis guy jealous of Blago or something?
Or is Blago to blamo for all the insano problemos in Illinoiso?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Most predictable thing ever: Charlie Sheen bails Lenny Dykstra out of jail
Of course this happened:
Charlie Sheen paid $22,500 to bail former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny “Nails” Dykstra out of jail, TMZ reported Tuesday.
Nails had been jailed for bankruptcy fraud. When he bailed him out, Sheen said some bullsh** about him being a Vatican assassin and him being a warlock or something. No, I’m not making that up.
If there is any justice in the world, this is the opening act of dramatic road trip with those two which ends with both of them driving off a cliff, “Thelma and Louise”-style. Which would be an absolute insult to Thelma and Louise, each of whom are fictional characters with far more real world worth than either of these two doorknobs have.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Apple knows what you did last summer
iPhone keeps record of everywhere you go | Technology | guardian.co.uk
Of course the tool they have only seems to work on Macs. But Fungster will work to see if his iOS device has been tracking all of his (il)legal activities...and get right back to ya!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Regular-season game #82: Like a war, kind of
Kyle Hightower of the Associated Press just wanted everyone to know that, even in the post-Bush era, the tired practice of writing only "Mission accomplished" for the second paragraph of a news story was alive and well.
He succeeded.
He succeeded.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Cub (that is so)
| Final | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | R | H | E | |||||||||||||||
 | Pittsburgh | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 1 | ||||||||||||||
| Chi Cubs | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 11 | 0 | |||||||||||||||
| WP: K. Correia (1-0) S: J. Hanrahan (1) LP: R. Dempster (0-1) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
This is SO CUB
Cubs blunder, even in cutting $48 million bust Carlos Silva
In very related news, how does drooling Jim "Pizza Man" Hendry STILL have a job...
~
Saturday, March 26, 2011
We are living in a (g)olden age (cont)
BBC News - Defecating dog sparks US shootout
Two neighbours in the US state of Mississippi (shocking - ed) drew weapons and fired at each other as an argument over a defecating dog ran out of control.
Associated Press news agency (aka librul news media - ed) said Jerry Blasingame, 60, has been charged with assault for shooting Terry Tehnet, 52, with a shotgun.
Mr Tehnet was angry because he thought Mr Blasingame's dog had defecated (damn SAT words from the librul news media again - ed) on his lawn, in a rural part of the state (there's an urban part? - ed).
Mr Tehnet, whose injuries are not life-threatening, may also be charged.
The two men gave AP different versions of what happened.
'Meet me at the levee'Mr Tehnet said he visited his neighbour to complain about dog "poop" (shit - ed) on his property.
Mr Blasingame blamed him for shooting his dog the week before, Mr Tehnet said, and told him: "Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down." (aka "second amendment remedy" - ed)
Mr Blasingame told AP he got his gun and drove off but Mr Tehnet did not follow so he returned to the neighbourhood.
The two men confronted one another again and each claimed the other produced a weapon first.
"He shot twice, I returned fire," said Mr Blasingame.
Mr Tehnet said Mr Blasingame opened fire first with his shotgun so he took his pistol from his car and fired back.
He said he was hit in both hands, the shoulder, chest and side by shotgun pellets, AP reported.
Washington County Chief Deputy Sheriff Billy Barber said: "Homeowners and property owners need to respect each other's property... If a dog did that in your yard, call the law. Don't take matters into your own hands."
Saturday, March 19, 2011
We walk a single path from birth to death punctuated by cured meats
It looks better here.
~
JOHNNY BACONSEED: A POEM FOR THE HOPELESS ROMANTICS
by Joel Chmara
When strips of pork Godliness dance-crackle-curl on the pan,
I will be there,
puffing my chest
accepting pops of grease on my shirt
like a Deputy Ditka badge.
Garments perfumed with slight bacon splatter is no call for stain-lifter.
Nay, it simply ensures that one will carry the greatest foodstuff essence
for the rest of the day.
Take heed dear readers,
to love bacon is to carry the smokey scent with you
as an am-bad-ass-ador of the fine piggy belly brine.
I am that breed of bacon lover
spreading its virtues
as Johnny Baconseed.
Baconology mentored to friends
of how to incorporate it into every dish.
Caramelized, Hickory Smoked, Peppered, Mapeled
Sweet or Savory
Lardon or in Bits
I can baconate any menu
for the better of humankind.
When the final bite of a bacon treat
crunches in my mouth
leaving the perfect salty smoke sensation
I whisper to no one in particular,
“That’ll do pig. That’ll do.”
© 2011 Joel Chmara
Friday, March 18, 2011
The best way to reach Republican voters is to feign brain-deadness
Though in Trump's case it might not be an act.
"But the intensity of the birthers is likely to be a dynamic of the 2012 campaign. Trump and others flirting with running for president on the Republican ticket are making these references to Obama’s background in part because doing so appeals to conservative activists."
~
"But the intensity of the birthers is likely to be a dynamic of the 2012 campaign. Trump and others flirting with running for president on the Republican ticket are making these references to Obama’s background in part because doing so appeals to conservative activists."
~
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Happy Phokking Birthday @Smiff
Smiff records annudder tick on da odometer of life today. Dis may make him less grumpy than normal, so ask for any special favors today. Don't forget to purchase for him excessive amounts of alcohol! Coz you have to make up for me - I ain't gonna do it!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The shortest path between here and 'power'
1. Promise to close Guantanamo facility; be elected President.
2. Publicize plan to follow through on promise by closing "Guantanamo facility" and replacing it with identical facility located elsewhere.
3. Just, fuck, don't waste any more time on this.
2. Publicize plan to follow through on promise by closing "Guantanamo facility" and replacing it with identical facility located elsewhere.
3. Just, fuck, don't waste any more time on this.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The New Solution
With exciting developments in Ohio and Wisconsin we are paving our way to an enticing new future. But I can't help thinking, getting rid of collective bargaining is thinking too small. We need to find a way to get rid of all employee bargaining. Only by doing so can we begin to address issues like corporate profitiability, the mortgage crisis, pollution, immigration and overpopulation.
In the 21st Century economy, American workers have to understand that we are competing with countries where the promise of room and board is enough. So much of our great American society was built with an international labor force that understood what competing in a global economy meant in a world where the right to hard labor, by itself, was all the payment needed. We need to return to those days if we ever hope to make our country strong again.
In the 21st Century economy, American workers have to understand that we are competing with countries where the promise of room and board is enough. So much of our great American society was built with an international labor force that understood what competing in a global economy meant in a world where the right to hard labor, by itself, was all the payment needed. We need to return to those days if we ever hope to make our country strong again.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Cubs in mid season form already
Fight erupts in Cubs’ dugout
Last Modified: Mar 2, 2011 04:08PM
The Cubs are blowing up on and off the field. Literally.
After another error-filled start to their Spring Training game today, things blew up in the dugout when a few players scuffled, including starting pitcher Carlos Silva.
The Cubs made three errors behind Silva in the first inning and fell behind 6-0 vs. the Milwaukee Brewers in Maryvale, Ariz. When the players returned to the dugout, a fight started and had to be broken up by players and coaches.
After the fight, Silva left the dugout with the strength coach Tim Buss, but he was still jawing at someone as he left. Silva was whisked past the media on a golf cart and left the ballpark without comment.
The Cubs had nine errors in three games coming into today’s game.
~
Monday, February 28, 2011
The answer is NOOOOOOO!!!!
Are we eating too much bacon?
Easy on those pork chops, the British government advised on Friday.
I don't know about all of you, but I don't listen to the Breeetish government. Unless the 'Mercan gubmint sez it, I ain't gonna believe it. And if they do, they'll be infringing on my liberty, so I still won't listen. Not that I actually eat bacon...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
This is wrong in about 400 ways
A restaurant in London's Covent Garden is serving a new range of ice cream, made with breast milk.
The dessert, called Baby Gaga(!)(?)(!)(?), is churned with donations (interesting word choice, since as noted below they get paid for the "donation" - ed) from 15 women who responded to an advertisement on an online mothers' forum.
One of the women, Victoria Hiley, 35, said if adults realised how tasty breast milk was more new mothers would be encouraged to breastfeed. (That doesn't make any phokking sense. If grownups knew how tasty breast milk was then more mums would feed it to their babies? I'm guessing it isn't a taste issue that makes mums stop breast feeding their kids...ed)
Each serving of Baby Gaga at Icecreamists costs £14.
Mrs Hiley's donation was expressed on site and pasteurised before being churned with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.
Icecreamists founder Matt O'Connor placed an advert appealing for breast milk donations and believes his new recipe will be a success.
"If it's good enough for our children, it's good enough for the rest of us," he said.
"Some people will hear about it and go yuck - but actually it's pure organic, free-range and totally natural." (Except the women drive everywhere or sit at home in front of the computer and TV & ate twinkies & drank soda exclusively during that time, violating all 3 qualities mentioned - ed)
Mrs Hiley, who gets £15 for every 10 ounces of milk she donates to the company, said it was a great "recession beater".
"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" she added. (The pin-up girls already took that one. Come up with something different - ed)
"I teach women how to get started on breastfeeding their babies. There's very little support for women and every little helps."
Mr O'Connor said health checks for the lactating women were the same used by hospitals to screen blood donors.
"No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," he added. (If this is what you call interesting....ed)
Your brain on cheese (cont'd)
"I would like to hear more of an explanation from Governor Walker as to what exactly was being considered, and to what degree it was discussed by his cabinet members. I find it very unsettling and troubling that anyone would consider creating safety risks for our citizens and law enforcement officers."
~ Madison Chief of Police Noble Wray (not his real name; from an undisclosed location)
"Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails."
~ Monty Burns
~ Madison Chief of Police Noble Wray (not his real name; from an undisclosed location)
"Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails."
~ Monty Burns
"Fades out?" Probably more like stuffed and mounted
Fake Mayor Emanuel Twitter account fades out
Posted by Shia K. at 2/24/2011 10:56 AM CST on Chicago Business
@MayorEmanuel, the faux alter ego Twitter character of Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel, has gone silent after writing of being pulled into a vortex.
His tweets to some 38,000 followers ended around 8 p.m. Wednesday, with the anonymous author writing, "and now all I can hear is that music, and suddenly everything just f------ ..."
. . .
Followers are left to wonder whether the mysterious character, who has denied numerous interview requests, will ever return from the vortex—and whether the author will reveal him or herself.
The real Mr. Emanuel has promised to donate up to $5,000 to charity if the writer comes forward, "so I can pummel his phokking face in."
~
Posted by Shia K. at 2/24/2011 10:56 AM CST on Chicago Business
@MayorEmanuel, the faux alter ego Twitter character of Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel, has gone silent after writing of being pulled into a vortex.
His tweets to some 38,000 followers ended around 8 p.m. Wednesday, with the anonymous author writing, "and now all I can hear is that music, and suddenly everything just f------ ..."
. . .
Followers are left to wonder whether the mysterious character, who has denied numerous interview requests, will ever return from the vortex—and whether the author will reveal him or herself.
The real Mr. Emanuel has promised to donate up to $5,000 to charity if the writer comes forward, "so I can pummel his phokking face in."
~
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Koch is It!
Hmm. Not sold on whether or not this piece on the DailyKos is true. They are reporting a taped phone call between the Governor of Wisconsin and someone impersonating a Koch detailing some union-busting excitement. If true, it is somewhere between wildly depressing and infuriating.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Fall 2006: Was Smiff still here?
OK, Who Pooped In Dusty Baker’s Dugout Spot?
Jon Paul Morosi has a nice little profile of Cubs manager Mike Quade, but he buries the lede. Namely, that in Dusty Baker's last season in Chicago, someone left a going-away present for him.
"At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day," Baker said Monday morning. "That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up. He said, ‘Oh, I think it's dog crap.' I said, ‘No it ain't. That's human crap.'"
~
Jon Paul Morosi has a nice little profile of Cubs manager Mike Quade, but he buries the lede. Namely, that in Dusty Baker's last season in Chicago, someone left a going-away present for him.
"At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day," Baker said Monday morning. "That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up. He said, ‘Oh, I think it's dog crap.' I said, ‘No it ain't. That's human crap.'"
~
Which player is this?
"Despite the low batting average, Player X used his power and plate discipline to plug Team Y's Vortex of Suck (new team name?) at designated hitter, batting .254/.343/.559 in that role from August 1 onward..."
Yeah datz right, got my Prospectus bitches! It's not a fan of my work so far this year.
~
Yeah datz right, got my Prospectus bitches! It's not a fan of my work so far this year.
~
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One thing we know we know: Rummy is a s#i+head
He also owes us $700 billion.
I guess none of this concerned him very much at the time.
"Parade of Horribles!!!" New team name??
~
I guess none of this concerned him very much at the time.
"Parade of Horribles!!!" New team name??
~
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dumb Criminals (cont)
Cops: Teen kills fish to eliminate ‘witnesses’ — Arlington Heights news, photos and events — TribLocal.com
A 16-year-old from Arlington Heights who burglarized an apartment with two friends killed three fish by pouring condiments in their bowl because he didn’t want to leave any witnesses, police said.
.
.
.
The one teen told police that upon leaving the scene, he said to his friends, “We can’t let them live, they’re witnesses,” officers said.
“He wasn’t remorseful,” criminal investigations Sgt. Mike Hernandez said. “It was disturbing. Certainly something they didn’t need to do.”
From Corporal's home town, no less. Clearly they've been watching too much CSI...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
More bad advice from the Tribune
Winter storm survival tools
• Eat regularly and drink ample fluids, but avoid caffeine and alcohol.
Thanks. This alone could kill me, even on a sunny day.
• Eat regularly and drink ample fluids, but avoid caffeine and alcohol.
Thanks. This alone could kill me, even on a sunny day.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Chillageddon 2011 claims first victim
News item: A winter storm taking aim at the Midwest has caused the Illinois Pork Producers Association to reschedule its 2011 Pork Expo.
~
~
RUN FOR WARM CLIMATES! Ohhhhhhhhhhh, too late... we're all dead
Blizzard may be 'life threatening'
The National Weather Service has issued an unusually dire blizzard watch, calling the storm expected to start Tuesday over most of the area "dangerous, multifaceted and potentially life-threatening." Forecasts call for up to 18 inches of snow.
Sounds like the phokking changes that are about to happen are gonna be multifold...
~
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Great plans gone awry
Fugitive says he planned suicide by bear
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — A convicted killer who escaped from an Arizona prison says his plan was to overdose on heroin at Yellowstone National Park and let bears eat him.
Mystery solved: Teen put piano on sand bar
MIAMI — The rumors can stop swirling: The baby grand piano that turned up on a Miami sandbar was burned to tatters by New Year’s revelers, then brought to its new home by a television designer’s teenage son who said Thursday he hoped the idea might help him get into a prestigious art school.
~
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
The only question on Chicago's mind
Do you question Jay Cutler's toughness?
Do you question Jay Cutler's toughness?
Yes -- He was walking around on the sideline. I'd like to have seen him try harder to play. (15909 responses)
No -- Cutler took tons of hits this year and only missed one game. Dude is tough. (12521 responses)
I'm gonna wait for the MRI results (6045 responses)
34475 total responses
(Results not scientific, but supreeemely idiotic)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Illinois Way
Remember that payroll tax reduction we got as a result of Obama "compromising" and the Republicans "winning"? Well, guess what? Da State Dat we live in has decided to take all dat money and then some! Allegedly, there's some hyooooooge budget hole (left by the departure of Bobby Jenks, no doubt) they have to fill, and Quinny's decided the only way to fill it is with more tax money. But just like the politicians in da beltway, dey felt that they shouldn't offend the rich by taxing them more. No, let's just regressively tax everyone more. Clearly they're trying to make Blago's comeback that much easier. And there Corporal thought he was moving AWAY from Taxachussetts!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
There is sucking, there is yooomungus sucking, there is George W Bush sucking, and there is Huskie basketball
Friday, December 24, 2010
this won't matter after the bees disappear
Wik-Bee Leaks: EPA Document Shows It Knowingly Allowed Pesticide That Kills Honey Bees
The world honey bee population has plunged in recent years, worrying beekeepers and farmers who know how critical bee pollination is for many crops. A number of theories have popped up as to why the North American honey bee population has declined--electromagnetic radiation, malnutrition, and climate change have all been pinpointed. Now a leaked EPA document reveals that the agency allowed the widespread use of a bee-toxic pesticide, despite warnings from EPA scientists....
~
The world honey bee population has plunged in recent years, worrying beekeepers and farmers who know how critical bee pollination is for many crops. A number of theories have popped up as to why the North American honey bee population has declined--electromagnetic radiation, malnutrition, and climate change have all been pinpointed. Now a leaked EPA document reveals that the agency allowed the widespread use of a bee-toxic pesticide, despite warnings from EPA scientists....
~
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Even The Google is ready to get this Christmas party started
Showing results for live-blogging the end times.
Search instead for the original terms: live-glogging the end times
Which reminds me, there is a critical shortage of Pennsylvania Dutch Egg Nog (the One True Egg Nog) in the Chicago area this year. (I blame Obama.) Thank God I stocked up early, though I may still run out before New Year's. Evanston First had none ... none!
In past years it's been more of a self-regulating supply, as I tend to run out at about the same time that I can no longer fit through the door to go out and buy more.
Search instead for the original terms: live-glogging the end times
Which reminds me, there is a critical shortage of Pennsylvania Dutch Egg Nog (the One True Egg Nog) in the Chicago area this year. (I blame Obama.) Thank God I stocked up early, though I may still run out before New Year's. Evanston First had none ... none!
In past years it's been more of a self-regulating supply, as I tend to run out at about the same time that I can no longer fit through the door to go out and buy more.
Coming to Ryan's Defense
Have we gone mad?
Or are we just so sex-obsessed and confused that this is really a story? I didn't stick around to see the piece on the today show this morning, but I read the story in the Sun-Times today. "Rex-Rated." Elliott Harris reports that "there may be more trouble afoot for the New York Jets." Brilliant. Ryan and his wife may be in trouble for what - making a foot-fetish video.
My goodness. They are married. The news is that there are videos on the internet which have surfaced which allegedly show Michelle Ryan showing her feet and in which the voice of Rex Ryan can be allegedly heard, supposedly in a state of increasing excitement. Rex when asked says this is a personal matter.
Where is the story here? They are married. Frankly if they wanted to make videos of themselves going at it and broadcast them on the interwebs, I don't know why that isn't an affirmation of their love and a sign of the strength of their marriage. Maybe slightly misguided, but there are lots of misguided people in the world. The guy is attracted to his wife. He digs feet. She's into it. Sounds like they decided together to make movies about it, presumably so they could watch later and enjoy themselves. Maybe they decided to share them with other people, but so what? It shouldn't be any big secret that married people have sex. (Hint: this includes your old parents fumbling around in the twilight and then icing-down afterwards). I have even been told that unmarried people have sex - but we all know that God doesn't approve of this.
I don't know who gives a good God damn about this. The big difference between this and the Jenn Sterger thing is that Favre and Sterger weren't married. (Though frankly if Deana Farve was fine with it - I wouldn't have any problems with that either). Here's what we have learned about the Jets this year - (1) Grown men sometimes swear, (2) football players sometimes put their own financial interests ahead of the interests of the team, (3) men in a locker room will cat call a hot blonde in a locker room, sometimes inappropriately, (4) powerful men sometimes try to use their power to bed attractive single women, even when they are married and (5) Rex Ryan loves his wife. If any of these things resulted in an epiphany for you or a loved one, I'd suggest you need to get out more.
Or are we just so sex-obsessed and confused that this is really a story? I didn't stick around to see the piece on the today show this morning, but I read the story in the Sun-Times today. "Rex-Rated." Elliott Harris reports that "there may be more trouble afoot for the New York Jets." Brilliant. Ryan and his wife may be in trouble for what - making a foot-fetish video.
My goodness. They are married. The news is that there are videos on the internet which have surfaced which allegedly show Michelle Ryan showing her feet and in which the voice of Rex Ryan can be allegedly heard, supposedly in a state of increasing excitement. Rex when asked says this is a personal matter.
Where is the story here? They are married. Frankly if they wanted to make videos of themselves going at it and broadcast them on the interwebs, I don't know why that isn't an affirmation of their love and a sign of the strength of their marriage. Maybe slightly misguided, but there are lots of misguided people in the world. The guy is attracted to his wife. He digs feet. She's into it. Sounds like they decided together to make movies about it, presumably so they could watch later and enjoy themselves. Maybe they decided to share them with other people, but so what? It shouldn't be any big secret that married people have sex. (Hint: this includes your old parents fumbling around in the twilight and then icing-down afterwards). I have even been told that unmarried people have sex - but we all know that God doesn't approve of this.
I don't know who gives a good God damn about this. The big difference between this and the Jenn Sterger thing is that Favre and Sterger weren't married. (Though frankly if Deana Farve was fine with it - I wouldn't have any problems with that either). Here's what we have learned about the Jets this year - (1) Grown men sometimes swear, (2) football players sometimes put their own financial interests ahead of the interests of the team, (3) men in a locker room will cat call a hot blonde in a locker room, sometimes inappropriately, (4) powerful men sometimes try to use their power to bed attractive single women, even when they are married and (5) Rex Ryan loves his wife. If any of these things resulted in an epiphany for you or a loved one, I'd suggest you need to get out more.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
AMERICA: WE STILL TOTALLY KICK ASS
80% of Americans agree: the U.S. and A. is not merely a great country, but the **GREATEST** country!
While 37% think Obama feels that America SUCKS! What an asshole that guy is! By the way, did you know his middle name is HUSSEIN?!?!
~
While 37% think Obama feels that America SUCKS! What an asshole that guy is! By the way, did you know his middle name is HUSSEIN?!?!
~
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Rumbling Stumbling Bumbling....
Yesterday night's interception by whoever that big white guy was reminded me of dis play in berz history...
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Surprise! Snarky Fox retort is fullas#i+
Shocking that the senior vice president of "news" editorial at Fox just makes up s#i+ off the top of his head
The study’s authors continued, “These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure (Fox Noise as radioactive waste ~ Ed.) and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it — though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.”
Asked for comment on the study, Fox News seemingly dismissed the findings. In a statement, Michael Clemente, who is the senior vice president of news editorial for the network, said: “The latest Princeton Review ranked the University of Maryland among the top schools for having ‘Students Who Study The Least’ and being the ‘Best Party School’ – given these fine academic distinctions, we’ll regard the study with the same level of veracity it was ‘researched’ with.”
Mr. Clemente oversees every hour of objective news programming on Fox News (so he works, like, never? ~ Ed.), which is by far the nation’s most popular cable news channel.
For the record, the Princeton Review says the University of Maryland ranks among the “Best Northeastern Colleges.” It was No. 19 on the Review’s list of “Best Party Schools.”
The study’s authors continued, “These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure (Fox Noise as radioactive waste ~ Ed.) and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it — though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.”
Asked for comment on the study, Fox News seemingly dismissed the findings. In a statement, Michael Clemente, who is the senior vice president of news editorial for the network, said: “The latest Princeton Review ranked the University of Maryland among the top schools for having ‘Students Who Study The Least’ and being the ‘Best Party School’ – given these fine academic distinctions, we’ll regard the study with the same level of veracity it was ‘researched’ with.”
Mr. Clemente oversees every hour of objective news programming on Fox News (so he works, like, never? ~ Ed.), which is by far the nation’s most popular cable news channel.
For the record, the Princeton Review says the University of Maryland ranks among the “Best Northeastern Colleges.” It was No. 19 on the Review’s list of “Best Party Schools.”
Skilly Cares!®
Pineapple Express to bring flooding rains, up to 10 feet of mountain snow to California; pattern boosting Chicago 2 week snow estimates; ice locusts; End Times; Grady Sizemore carrying deer meat up slippery icy stairs
The Pineapple Express' arrival not only signals the start of that region's annual rainy season, but also threatens to unleash yoooge low-elevation downpours, which by Christmas Eve (next Friday) could amount to 8 to 12 inches adjacent to southern California's mountains outside Los Angeles and San Diego--enough rain to provoke flooding and mudslides, particularly along westward facing slopes.
Just like Fungster said - it matters cuz it affects us.
Weather troubles with the Pineapple Express won't be limited to California alone. Far from it! (Phokk! ~ Ed.) Warnings of rough weather this weekend and beyond are out across sections of 10 western states. And the impact of this stormy atmospheric regime may ultimately extend to the Midwest and areas east.
~
The Pineapple Express' arrival not only signals the start of that region's annual rainy season, but also threatens to unleash yoooge low-elevation downpours, which by Christmas Eve (next Friday) could amount to 8 to 12 inches adjacent to southern California's mountains outside Los Angeles and San Diego--enough rain to provoke flooding and mudslides, particularly along westward facing slopes.
Just like Fungster said - it matters cuz it affects us.
Weather troubles with the Pineapple Express won't be limited to California alone. Far from it! (Phokk! ~ Ed.) Warnings of rough weather this weekend and beyond are out across sections of 10 western states. And the impact of this stormy atmospheric regime may ultimately extend to the Midwest and areas east.
~
Friday, December 17, 2010
K-Mad working for the World's Awfulest Newspaper (tie)?
McClure - Field in 'great shape' for Bears-Vikings game - Chicago Breaking Sports
The Tribune's Vaughn McClure was on hand to witness the snow removal. In fact, the response to the University's plea for help was so overwhelming, the school turned away eager volunteers, according to the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
Skilly sez:
"Below normal temperatures for the 15th day this month. Highs Friday to be 12 degrees below normal."
All you climate change Chicken Littles can suck a snowman.
All you climate change Chicken Littles can suck a snowman.
If you believe a lie often enough, you're probably a Fox News viewer
Fox News makes you dumb (though if you're tuning in regularly, you were probably pretty dumb to begin with). And Fox News led the cable news ratings for 100 months in a row as of April 2010. And the skill most richly rewarded by our electoral system is the ability to raise YOOOOGE amounts of money to go on TV with commercials that are totally fullas#i+.
Those who watched Fox News almost daily were significantly more likely than those who never watched it to believe that:
~ most economists estimate the stimulus caused job losses (12 points more likely)
~ most economists have estimated the health care law will worsen the deficit (31 points)
~ the economy is getting worse (26 points)
~ most scientists do not agree that climate change is occurring (30 points)
~ the stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts (14 points)
~ their own income taxes have gone up (14 points)
~ the auto bailout only occurred under Obama (13 points)
~ when TARP came up for a vote most Republicans opposed it (12 points)
~ and that it is not clear that Obama was born in the United States (31 points)
These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it--though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.
Those who watched Fox News almost daily were significantly more likely than those who never watched it to believe that:
~ most economists estimate the stimulus caused job losses (12 points more likely)
~ most economists have estimated the health care law will worsen the deficit (31 points)
~ the economy is getting worse (26 points)
~ most scientists do not agree that climate change is occurring (30 points)
~ the stimulus legislation did not include any tax cuts (14 points)
~ their own income taxes have gone up (14 points)
~ the auto bailout only occurred under Obama (13 points)
~ when TARP came up for a vote most Republicans opposed it (12 points)
~ and that it is not clear that Obama was born in the United States (31 points)
These effects increased incrementally with increasing levels of exposure and all were statistically significant. The effect was also not simply a function of partisan bias, as people who voted Democratic and watched Fox News were also more likely to have such misinformation than those who did not watch it--though by a lesser margin than those who voted Republican.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
On the bright side, we've really sharpened our obliviousness skillz
Did someone say we're at war?
"There's something preposterous about a nation that has been 'at war' for almost a decade, yet insists on remaining completely oblivious to the implications ..."
On the other bright side, Get Your War On is sort of back.
"There's something preposterous about a nation that has been 'at war' for almost a decade, yet insists on remaining completely oblivious to the implications ..."
On the other bright side, Get Your War On is sort of back.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I'm not sure even Jimmy Boeheim can down a cupcake DIS YOOOOGE
(AP) -- Syracuse may be unbeaten and coming off an impressive performance against a fellow Top 10 team, but Jim Boeheim feels improvement is needed.
He should get plenty of it against winless Colgate.
The eighth-ranked Orange look to extend their winning streak over the Raiders to a whopping 45 when the upstate New York neighbors meet at the Carrier Dome on Saturday night.
~
Friday, December 10, 2010
K-Mad will be happy to know
Almost 3 years later, we're still number 1 on Google for golf/plutocracy nexus. Didn't Briggs have a band by that name?
Hey Wisconsin, get to know your new Senator - you sure as hell deserve him
How did this jackass beat Feingold again? Was everyone drunk? Wait... that could be it actually...
Ron Johnson, R-Lobbyists
Sen.-elect Ron Johnson promised to change how Wisconsin is represented in Washington.
And he is doing just that.
Johnson narrowly defeated U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., who was the chamber’s chief advocate for the sort of lobbying and ethics reforms that would limit the power of special-interest groups and eliminate pay-to-play politics. Feingold’s refusal to play Washington-insider games led to his being labeled by Washingtonian magazine as “the number one enemy of lobbyists in Washington.”
Johnson won’t be so labeled.
The new Republican senator has announced that his chief of staff will be Don Kent, a former vice president at Navigators Global LLC.
What’s Navigators Global LLC? A Washington-based power broker operation that describes itself as “an elite team of federal lobbyists, political strategists and communications experts.”
That’s right. Ron Johnson has put a lobbyist in charge of his Senate office...
Ron Johnson, R-Lobbyists
Sen.-elect Ron Johnson promised to change how Wisconsin is represented in Washington.
And he is doing just that.
Johnson narrowly defeated U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., who was the chamber’s chief advocate for the sort of lobbying and ethics reforms that would limit the power of special-interest groups and eliminate pay-to-play politics. Feingold’s refusal to play Washington-insider games led to his being labeled by Washingtonian magazine as “the number one enemy of lobbyists in Washington.”
Johnson won’t be so labeled.
The new Republican senator has announced that his chief of staff will be Don Kent, a former vice president at Navigators Global LLC.
What’s Navigators Global LLC? A Washington-based power broker operation that describes itself as “an elite team of federal lobbyists, political strategists and communications experts.”
That’s right. Ron Johnson has put a lobbyist in charge of his Senate office...
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