Thursday, April 17, 2008

Who's sick of dis s#i+? Well, we're here, we're drunk, get used to it...

7:40 PM me: AWFUL
8 minutes
7:48 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9 minutes
7:58 PM me: Jason Botts: HYOOGE tonight - he's a Wyvern
Kevin: what's his real name?
7:59 PM me: Rael Spoonbender
Kevin: thats almost as funny as botts
how will they blow it?
8:00 PM Cincinnati 3
Chi Cubs 12
Top 9th
8:01 PM me: Obama/Clinton: The Threatdown coming on here right now
Kevin: i have bbc news -- dis guy talks funny
top story: clinton/obama: the bludgeoning
8:02 PM obama clearly doesn't get it
8:03 PM clinton: yeah i'm fullashit, get over it
8:05 PM bbc shows stuff you never see in merrika. like: s#i+ blowing up... people blowing up... children blowing up...
8:06 PM me: sounds like a bummer - i'd rather see "Secret Talents of Celebrities"
Kevin: me too! or dancing with the stars!
8:07 PM things are wonderful :-)
me: or grade C celebs losing weight
8:08 PM Concannon Central Coast Petite Sirah Limited Release 2005
Kevin: or grade C ballplayers losing ballgames
limited release - woo-woo
me: Chico?
8:09 PM Kevin: yellow tail shiraz
me: so limited the liquor store on the corner owned by armenians has it for $12
Kevin: 5.50 a bottle at dominics, 100 times better than the cheap shit at tjs
8:10 PM i'm off the chico bandwagon for now but ready to jump on if it starts to look like it's filling up
me: sounds like you - shitwagon jumper
Kevin: yeppers! :-)
8:11 PM rezzidunce and pope ratzo together -- write your own punch line
me: Tallet dominating: 2 outs, 3 baserunners, no runs...
Kevin: good thing i told you to draft him
8:12 PM me: "I'll torture him, while you sexually molest him, we'll both cover it up."
Kevin: i saw the white house for the very first time a couple weeks ago
made me wretch
guess i really do hate america after all
8:13 PM me: HATER
Kevin: brits pronounce vitamin as "veetamin" -- these are our allies?
i phink ot
niot
not
n-o-t not
8:14 PM america shouldn't feel too bad -- i hate everything
me: shed-yule? what's that shit?
Kevin: there there america... it's ok...
da phokkers should learn ta speak english
phokkers
8:15 PM me: Hillary is a grandaughter of a factory worker from Scranton, a Methodist! SO stuff it!!
Kevin: annudder phing bout da brits -- bear-ack obama? who is dat?
8:16 PM me: Cubs pulled it out...
Kevin: bear-ack... sounds like pig latin
finally some good news
chinese pigs! funny...
8:17 PM me: 2nd bottle already?
Kevin: howdja guess?
me: just lucky
Kevin: you havent watched bbc world til you've watched it on 2 bottles of shirazez
8:18 PM so i guess hillary is not an elitist then? despite the 68 beeeeeeelllllllion dollars they reported on their taxes?
me: you can probably say that about any show
8:19 PM Kevin: i'm bill clinton. here are three amusing anecdotes. write me a check for six figures
me: hello...descendent of a factory worker, Methodist...
8:20 PM Kevin: wait... does that make her the last living descendent of jesus?
i phink so
here'
8:21 PM here's another thing the brits like to say at EVERY opportunity: "police with water cannon" not A water cannon? not water cannons? they work this into every conversation. watch...
you'll see
me: dats da King's English i pfink
8:22 PM Kevin: pfink is also da kings english i pfink
me: diffrent dan Merican english
Hillary: "Proven record of results" should could play for Dusty!
8:23 PM Kevin: you need dat veteran prezzents in da white house
8:25 PM joe SMIFF -- lights out tonight
me: OhlenDORF: only 1 run allowed tonight
8:26 PM Kevin: though i wonder -- whats his real name?
dorf on baseball? he da dorfman
me: Fitzcarraldo Mellonball
8:29 PM King Felix/Blanton tonight: Cherry showdown
Kevin: dreadful
me: Blanton: sucky
Kevin: figgers
me: you fault
Kevin: true
8:30 PM me: Buck: hitless (cont'd)
Kevin: trabbis schmuck? you knew da risks
tabbis smiley coming on
8:31 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: its brought to me by viewers like me
me: Rev. Wright blah blah blah...............
Kevin: he is not a obama fan
8:32 PM he gots da whirlcom whistleblower lady on tonight... but... SHE DOES NOT HAVE A WHISTLE... feeling cheated right now...
8:33 PM me: whirlcom? dishwasher?
Kevin: i phink dey ran da world or something
til dere s#i+ blew up
8:34 PM i would really like to hear her whistle
financial shit blah blah blah financial shit -- BORRRRRRRRRRRRRR-INGGGGGGGGGGGGG
me: maybe you could whistle with one of the empty wine bottles?
8:37 PM Kevin: tabbis's favorite question: "talk to me about..."
8:38 PM 2nd favorite question: "unpack this for me"
8:39 PM I AM NOT A WHISTLEBLOWER... why should i have to whistle?
me: she brought luggage and he wants it unpacked?
Kevin: yeah, i phink so
8:40 PM here's a quick rundown of commercial tv: something inane... something stooopid... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... something inane... repeat until envying the dead...
me: maybe her whistle is her bad somewherez
8:43 PM Kevin: know who SUCKS lately? trabbis hafner. want him in wellness?
8:44 PM me: don't need him - just picked up Conor "Bushy Eyebrows" Jackson
and i already have Thome at utility
Kevin: i saw dat - phokker.
new guest: hates god
8:45 PM me: do they have a whistle?
Kevin: up his ass
8:46 PM me: is he playing it?
Kevin: you dont want to know
8:47 PM he's equating chrissy hitchens with right wing religious fundamentalists
8:48 PM me: gotta agree deres
Kevin: chris hedges - i don't believe in atheists
tabbis: talk to me about...
8:49 PM jester: amuse me!
8:50 PM newest bluestem: the former jeff niemann -- he will be missed
my head hurts
me: more booze?
8:51 PM Kevin: dat might do da trick
irish whiskey?
me: Stephanoouplous asks important question about Obama and the Weather Underground.............
8:52 PM now, what is his connection to Che Guevara?
8:54 PM Yunel Escobar finished 2-for-4 with a two-run homer on Wednesday night. He also walked. Escobar is now hitting .345 out of the two hole in Atlanta, with a hitting streak that currently stands at nine games. Smiff SHTOLE him.
8:56 PM Kevin: i get him and da big yuniesky mixed up
8:59 PM me: Yuniesky is da one dat SUCKS
Kevin: chix surge to 5th... the surge is saving us...
9:00 PM now up: cholly rose
his black eye looks all better
me: must be Bowker
Kevin: his guests are sure to be hectoring liberal america-haters
me: black eye?
9:01 PM Kevin: cholly hads a black eye a coupla weeks ago... i phink bill orally mighta punched him out
9:02 PM or mebbe he is in a senior cage fighting league
9:03 PM first guest: "fighting global povery"... wah wah wah why am i not a happy plutocrat wah wah wah
bush announces new greenhouse gas targets by 2025.... bush leaves office like 9 months from now
9:04 PM also -- we will cure acne by 2050
as god is my witlessness
9:05 PM me: sounds like a plan
Kevin: good phing yer on board
me: who likes pus on their face?
9:06 PM Charlie Rose
Charlie Rose's middle name is Peete
Kevin: dat would exxplain a lot
9:09 PM me: Rebecca is going to be the boss of me
9:10 PM Kevin: serves you right
me: totally phokked
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
9:11 PM me: it would get me out of ALA CRAP
Kevin: i (the dead) would envy you (the living)
me: sucker
9:12 PM Kevin: totally phokked'
me: Hillary: "The fact is..."
9:13 PM Kevin: in udder words: "here comes a YOOOOGE ball'o'bulls#i+..."
me: si, senor
Kevin: she SUCKS
9:14 PM though a meeeeeeellllllion times better (or not as bad) den (as) wotz we gotz now
me: though still a BAJILLION times better than Dumbya/Dick!
Kevin: dere ya go
like i said
9:15 PM whut i was sayin
git'r'rdone
me: Tird bottle?
9:16 PM Kevin: ever listen to any firesign theater records?
me: er, 25 years ago?
Kevin: yeah, ok, but did you?
9:17 PM me: prolly, can' say i remember anypfing
Kevin: i know you were like a SMALL CHILD den but answer da question
deres a bushian answer
me: shit, calm down, jesus...
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: i can't recall... as far as i can recall... i have no specific recollection... can't recall... can't recall... as far as i can recollect...
me: come on grandpa, were dose phonograph records?
9:19 PM i misremembered
9:20 PM Kevin: yeah you know, wid da needle an da speekers and da sound coming outta da speakers an da noise hitting your eardrum and creating a reaction wich makes you expell air spasmodically while da corners of your mouf curl up an shit...
me: sounds quaint
9:21 PM Kevin: kinda quaint when you phink about it yean
yeah
dis just in - erik bedard is dead - k-mad being blamed
9:22 PM me: i'll loof for dat on da newz
9:23 PM didn't mean look, meant loof
9:24 PM C.C. Sabathia: 13.50 ERA - how are you to blame?
9:26 PM Kevin: i can't think of a single k-mad/sabbathia nexus, but surely its my fault somehow
me: he's a pitcher?
9:29 PM Giants optioned RHP Keiichi Yabu to Triple-A Fresno.
9:30 PM Rays placed RHP Al Reyes on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to April 15, with a shoulder impingement and affay.
Kevin: yabu-dabu-do
feh... it's not like a horrorz need pitching...
9:31 PM me: you're deep there
9:32 PM i'll trade you Randor "0.00" Bierd
Kevin: when will tiger wootz reveal that his real name is tiger osama bin-mc-lovinit-dot-com-bin-mcs#i+-blowing-up?
wucha want for da bierdster?
9:33 PM me: rd 13 and a rookie slot?
9:34 PM Kevin: you would ask for a round 13 while cholly is interviewing da director of da ERFFF INNNstitute?
AHHHHNOLD will be on cholly next week
me: i'm sneaky
9:35 PM Kevin: if cholly becomes gubnor of kollyforniyal, i phink you will have to be chollyforniya
me: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says the U.S. Supreme Court decision to allow lethal injections for death row inmates affirms California's capital punishment procedure and would allow executions to resume.
9:36 PM makes sense
9:37 PM Hillary got fucked by a group of truckers last week in Harrisburg
Kevin: just make sure its da RIGHT CHOLLY... cuz cholly manual wud try to sneak in under any technicality
is dere film?
me: she may have said met
9:38 PM Kevin: "met" -- we know we know...
depends on what da meaning of da word "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".............. izzzzzz.........
me: how about Cholly Gibson, the stupid phokk conducting da debate
9:39 PM Kevin: is he a chollly? end of story
9:40 PM me: CLA Merediff: hammered tonight. now dat one is one you.
Kevin: mary kicked @ss today, according to an unbiased report (mary) -- hope for more of the same tomorrow
me: dats good
9:41 PM starts May 1 den?
Kevin: probally
CLA? hammered? fullas#i+
9:42 PM me: http://www.bustedtees.com/myotherhatisalsoretarded
Podzzzie wuz in da middle of the ass whalloping CLA took
9:43 PM Glenn-Done Rush also touched up a bit
9:44 PM Kevin: no-phanks
me: King Felix: CG, 1 ER, Smiff gets the credit
9:45 PM Kevin: bluestem pitching has always been da prairie chicken in dal coal mine... time for me to check out again i phink'
me: zzzhkjh;jklzhh;jkh;hz'h'hh'lh'lkh'lkhlh'lzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:50 PM dats Klingon

2 comments:

Fungster said...

People usually go out to bars to drink and talk about $#!+. Dese 2 are too lazy to even do dat. Now that's so America!

On the flip side, you don't lose your voice yelling at the top of your voice so the person right next to you can hear what you say. It's all digital, you can read it over and over again. And the rest of us can feel like we were there (boy do I feel special).

Then again, between brain-dead politicians, brain-dead baseball players/managers/umpires/announcers and wine, you probably were yelling @ home anyway. So you still lose your voice.

If you do not cease and desist, I will be forced to start posting the Fung/Briggs conversations on Yahoo/AIM. When it comes to boring everyone else with meaningless banter, Briggs & I will take you down.

Smiff said...

I have no doubt about the last commenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............................