Taking his message into Yuletide mode, Hedrick penned "The Liberal Clause," a tea-party-themed Christmas book for children featuring a socialist Barack Obama, "Elf Peloosi" and special appearances by Joseph Stalin (No Hitler cameo? Disappointing... Ed.) and an Afro-centric minister named "Reverend Blight."
Hedrick is traveling to New York today to film a Christmas-special segment for Comedy Central's "Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Hedrick consultant Robert Harmon told The Ticket. "And sales-wise, he's doing great," Harmon added. (Yay! Ed.)
Hedrick lost his insurgent GOP primary bid in August but has segued promptly into promoting "The Liberal Clause." (Hedrick has also been busy appearing in court, on assault charges filed by his wife -- who has since sought to rescind a no-contact order between the couple, claiming that he was trying to calm her down at a time when she was "out of control.") (Ho! Ho! Ho! Ed.)
"The Liberal Clause" depicts socialist elves (Redundant? Aren't they all socialists? Ed.) -- led by Obama -- trying to take over the North Pole (forcing elves to reduce their carbon footprint, among other power grabs) and control Hedrick's hometown of Camas, Washington.
But one little girl's dedication to the "Christmastution" (Is that a thing? Ed.) saves the town from a complete takeover.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Ho! Ho! Ho!
News item: A 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday on allegations of pushing a 100-year-old woman working as a greeter at a Milwaukee Wal-Mart, a police spokeswoman said Monday.
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Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Hey retail workers! You've worked hard all year for that tasty Thanksgiving dinner!
Phokk you! You're not getting one! Bet now you wish you'd gotten that MBA like we have. Dummies! While you're up, pour me another drink.
Black Friday Moves to Thursday as Stores Woo Shoppers
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Black Friday Moves to Thursday as Stores Woo Shoppers
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Once an @$$hole...
Suarez accepts ban for biting opponent - News | FOX Sports on MSN
When his "hand of God" kept Uruguay in the World Cup, I felt sorry for him. You know, what would you have done in that situation? Way to erase all that goodwill, @$$hole!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Phokk the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the pumpkin pie...
and PHOKK YOU Grandma! Nothing says "Happy Phokking Thanksgiving" like shopping online!
Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?
Iconic '90s Onion front page:
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"
Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"
Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."
Monday, November 22, 2010
The most feasible, cost-effective solution to the budget deficit might be...
...building a time machine to take us back to 2000 so we can un-electorate the Rezzzidunce, George Phokking Asshole W. Bush.
"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, CBO projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. CBO's updated budget outlook continues a trend of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement in budget projections since 1997, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years. Although there are signs that economic growth is moderating from recent robust levels, substantial budget surpluses remain on the horizon for the next decade in the absence of large changes in policy. Over the longer term, however, budgetary pressures linked to the aging and retirement of the baby-boom generation threaten to produce record deficits and unsustainable levels of federal debt.
CBO projects that, in the absence of new legislation, total budget surpluses would grow from about 3 percent to more than 5 percent of GDP from 2002 through 2011. Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade (see Summary Table 1). Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption."
-- Congressional Budget Office, Janamary 2001
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"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, CBO projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. CBO's updated budget outlook continues a trend of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement in budget projections since 1997, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years. Although there are signs that economic growth is moderating from recent robust levels, substantial budget surpluses remain on the horizon for the next decade in the absence of large changes in policy. Over the longer term, however, budgetary pressures linked to the aging and retirement of the baby-boom generation threaten to produce record deficits and unsustainable levels of federal debt.
CBO projects that, in the absence of new legislation, total budget surpluses would grow from about 3 percent to more than 5 percent of GDP from 2002 through 2011. Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade (see Summary Table 1). Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption."
-- Congressional Budget Office, Janamary 2001
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Friday, November 19, 2010
Only in America (cont)
First Black Friday desperadoes in line at Best Buy | Technically Incorrect - CNET News
Because if someone's ahead of you for doorbuster savings, the terrists have won.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Meet Congressman-Elect Joe Walsh
He's for cutting people off unemployment insurance (LAZY PHOKKS), while extending tax cuts for these guys and these guys and these guys (the deserving rich). Thanks, Tea Partiers, for bringing us your not-treading-on-me brand of freedom!
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This might be why Fox "News" is OK with Glenn Beck comparing everybody to Hitler
Roger Ailes, NPR executives and #NPRgoesNazi
After a day of negative commentary over Roger Ailes' comparison of NPR executives to Nazis, the Fox News executive has apologized to the Anti-Defamation League, Politico reports.
"I was of course ad-libbing (well, of course... we understand... Ed.) and should not have chosen that word," Ailes wrote in a letter to Abe Foxman, ADL's national director. "but I was angry at the time because of NPR's willingness to censor Juan Williams for not being liberal enough."
But if NPR executives are sitting around expecting an apology, well, that would be just so Goebbels of them.
After a day of negative commentary over Roger Ailes' comparison of NPR executives to Nazis, the Fox News executive has apologized to the Anti-Defamation League, Politico reports.
"I was of course ad-libbing (well, of course... we understand... Ed.) and should not have chosen that word," Ailes wrote in a letter to Abe Foxman, ADL's national director. "but I was angry at the time because of NPR's willingness to censor Juan Williams for not being liberal enough."
But if NPR executives are sitting around expecting an apology, well, that would be just so Goebbels of them.
@ChiTribRogers: Still Brain-Dead
Lunkhead @ChiTribRogers still thinks W-L record for starting pitchers is more important than ERA, WHIP, IP, K's etc.
Price: Mel Antonen, USA Today; Tony Fabrizio, Tampa Tribune; Phil Rogers, Chicago Tribune; Chris Assenheimer. Elyria (OH) Chronicle.
This just in: Cubs-shillin' Drool Cup Phil is also for the Ricketts' plan to fleece the state, which is already bankrupt and shit.
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Price: Mel Antonen, USA Today; Tony Fabrizio, Tampa Tribune; Phil Rogers, Chicago Tribune; Chris Assenheimer. Elyria (OH) Chronicle.
This just in: Cubs-shillin' Drool Cup Phil is also for the Ricketts' plan to fleece the state, which is already bankrupt and shit.
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Wednesday, November 17, 2010
This is your brain on cheese
MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Prosecutors say a rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin's "Dancing with the Stars" routine, sparking an all-night standoff with a SWAT team.
According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.
He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.
He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.
According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.
He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.
He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.
Monday, November 15, 2010
May the Goat Curse continue to work...
The Ricketts family is against “wasteful government spending” unless it helps make them rich
It's funny that Joe Ricketts is so passionate against “wasteful government spending” when his family, led by son, Cubs Chairman Tom Ricketts, has just asked the people of Illinois to borrow $300 million in a bond offering so that it can rehab Wrigley Field. This request follows a vote in Mesa, AZ which guaranteed the Cubs $84 million in public funds to build a new spring training stadium and facility.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Fun things to remember about the Bush tax cuts
1. The Bush tax cuts, written by Congresses led by Denny Hastert and Trent Lott and Bill Frist and signed by George Bush, were set to expire at the end of 2010. Got a prollem wif dat? Talk to them.
2. Part of the rationale for passing "temporary" tax cuts is that we were running record phokking budget surpluses at the time. We are, if the misspelled rally signs of Tea Party activists are to be believed, no longer doing this.
3. The Class War is on, and the plutocrats are kicking your ass.
4. George W. Bush destroyed my country.
5. Sorry if this isn't really much fun after all.
6. George W. Bush is still a yooooge phokking asshole.
2. Part of the rationale for passing "temporary" tax cuts is that we were running record phokking budget surpluses at the time. We are, if the misspelled rally signs of Tea Party activists are to be believed, no longer doing this.
3. The Class War is on, and the plutocrats are kicking your ass.
4. George W. Bush destroyed my country.
5. Sorry if this isn't really much fun after all.
6. George W. Bush is still a yooooge phokking asshole.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Senator-elect Mark Kirk is talking about fiscal responsibility. Be afraid.
What Senator-elect Mark Kirk said on election night:
"Tonight, the people of Illinois have spoken, and your vote was heard around the world. It was a vote for fiscal responsibility..."
What the Congressional Budget Office said in January 2001 when Congressman Mark Kirk and President George Bush took office:
"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to outstrip spending and produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. The update of CBO's budget outlook that this chapter describes continues a trend, since 1997, of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years ...
"Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade. Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption.
"Within those totals, on-budget surpluses would accumulate to nearly $1 trillion over the next five years and about $3.1 trillion over the 2002-2011 period. On-budget surpluses would range between just over 1 percent to more than 3 percent of GDP. Off-budget surpluses also would total about $1 trillion over the next five years and about $2.5 trillion through 2011. Off-budget surpluses alone would be sufficient to eliminate the debt available for redemption by the end of the 10-year period."
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"Tonight, the people of Illinois have spoken, and your vote was heard around the world. It was a vote for fiscal responsibility..."
What the Congressional Budget Office said in January 2001 when Congressman Mark Kirk and President George Bush took office:
"The outlook for the federal budget over the next decade continues to be bright. Assuming that current tax and spending policies are maintained, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) projects that mounting federal revenues will continue to outstrip spending and produce growing budget surpluses for the next 10 years. The update of CBO's budget outlook that this chapter describes continues a trend, since 1997, of steady and sometimes dramatic improvement, reflecting the continuing impact of strong economic growth over the past few years ...
"Under current policies, total surpluses would accumulate to an estimated $2 trillion over the next five years and $5.6 trillion over the coming decade. Such large surpluses would be sufficient by 2006 to pay off all debt held by the public that will be available for redemption.
"Within those totals, on-budget surpluses would accumulate to nearly $1 trillion over the next five years and about $3.1 trillion over the 2002-2011 period. On-budget surpluses would range between just over 1 percent to more than 3 percent of GDP. Off-budget surpluses also would total about $1 trillion over the next five years and about $2.5 trillion through 2011. Off-budget surpluses alone would be sufficient to eliminate the debt available for redemption by the end of the 10-year period."
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