Beleaguered | be·lea·guered (bē-lē-gərd)

DePaul (6-3) at Northern Illinois (0-8) (ET)

"Northern Illinois's season has been a struggle thus far as it is currently 0-8 after some tough losses. The Huskies' low point came as it lost to Nebraska- Omaha, a non Division I opponent. Coach Mark Montgomery's team has struggled offensively as it is averaging just 54 points per game on 35.5 percent shooting from the field. The Huskies have allowed their opponents to average 72.3 points per game on 43.8 percent shooting from the floor."
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"'Fighting Is What Redneck People Do," Explained Drunk Guy Who Shot Lawnmower..."

The article doesn't explain what his lawnmower did to piss him off.

Just in time for Christmas!

Though it's a bit humiliating that the Brits beat us to this...

"The urinal-based video game system uses infrared sensors to enable users to steer down a ski slope while knocking over penguins or perform other simple actions by aiming their urine to the left, right, or center."
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"If Carnival and Las Vegas had a baby, this would be the placenta"

"The Marlins are planning a structure beyond the center-field wall of their new ballpark. This structure will light up and make a fancy hullabaloo whenever a Marlin hits a home run. And remember, they have Mike Stanton, so they could be firing up this thing quite a bit.

"Now close your eyes, and think about what this structure might look like. Go ahead. Let your imagination run wild...

"Behold. This is what will happen when the Marlins hit a home run. It's what Bernie Brewer thinks he's sliding down after a couple buttons of peyote. Don't avert your eyes. Look at it. Study it. This is what we've become."
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Think your airline sucks?

BBC News - Comtel Air probe after passengers 'told to buy fuel':

"An airline is set to investigate reports that it asked passengers to pay £20,000 towards the cost of fuel to complete their journey to the UK."

An airline - investigating itself? Good luck wid dat!

This is why we fail.

Love this article. But even better are the comments.

How can you not love this. Comment 1.10

ARTICLE:

When Danford planted watermelons last year, he estimates he paid a trucking company close to $10 million to transport them.

COMMENTER:

10 million? Is that a misprint? If he can spend that much on transportation, then he can pay more than $10 an hour.

ARTICLE:

But what if he paid a higher hourly wage? The going rate now is $10 an hour. "The [pickle] company wouldn't buy it from you then," [the farmer] says. They'd turn to suppliers in other states where labor is cheaper -- states that allow undocumented immigrants to continue working under the radar.

COMMENTER:

Could someone please explain to me how this works? Why would the pickle company care how much you pay your workers? I guess I am ignorant in the ways of farming.

That comment is precious to me. You had me at ... . Oh well, nevermind.

Another commenter pointed out that the farmer had essentially admitted to hiring illegal laborers and should be jailed. The big tent of the right. Small government, big jails.

When Cupcakes Attack (cont'd)

Carthage College wins its tuneup for its big season-opener against Martin Luther (who throws a mean two-handed set shot).

Carthage College 74, Northern Illinois 70
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There are almost as many suckers who read this blog as contributors!

We're like, awesome.

Please delight in this curious trifle, to-day

When saying something flamboyantly brain-dead, it's best to USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE YOU NEED BE MORE CLEAR

More infuriating elevator bullcrap

Alright, so its probably meant only to provoke, but the elevator flashes up today's crap. Most Americans believe that women should be legally required to change their last names to their husband's last name at marriage. I guess the study is from a couple years ago, but ugh.

I'm guessing if you polled a certain subsection of this wonderful land, you would find a group who is in favor of cutting viable male babies out of the wombs of their pregnant mothers and wood chipping the women.

Let's just go back to this:

"If a man happens to meet a virgin woman who is not engaged to be married, and he seizes her and rapes her, but is caught in the act, the rapist must pay the girl's father fifty silver shekels. She must marry the rapist, because he has violated her. And so long as he lives he may not divorce her."

Zombie Nation

President most Americans want back to handle our economic crisis ... Reagan.

Observed in the elevator this morning. Charities that Americans would most want to volunteer their time for ... No. 1 Animal charities at 17%; No. 2 poor and needy 15%.

I can't help thinking Orwell would be proud.

Love this title

Cougar spotted roaming central Wisconsin

I'm not going to read the article and just going to assume that some rich middle aged lady is cruising around Eau Claire looking for some cheese fed hunks...

SIMPSONS DID IT!

Mmmm, three eyes, aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh

Fishermen in Córdoba, Argentina caught a three-eyed wolf fish in a reservoir fed by a local nuclear power plant, which will surely hinder the plant's owner's attempt to run for local office.

The fishermen say their discovery, which actually bears no resemblance to Blinky the three-eyed fish from The Simpsons, has begun to worry local residents who live near the reactor. And instead of feasting on their catch, and presumably gaining superpowers from its probable high levels of radiation, the men have decided to let it be tested to see if the mutation was actually a result of it being exposed to the water from the nuclear plant. After that they plan to have it embalmed for posterity, or sell it to Fox as a promotional item for their long running, and eerily prophetic, animated series. [Infobae via Geekologie]

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd) ... wait ... what's that about coffee?

Tendentious lefty diatribe on global warming/food scarcity nexus, and even more ominously, global warming/coffee scarcity nexus
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Where Cain got 9-9-9 from

He just turned 666 over...

Job Creator Brainstorming, or, Onion or Real (cont'd)?, or, The Dumbshine State (cont'd)

"I'm on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people," Workman said. "This is an example of Big Brother government.

"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," Workman said. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
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Sox fans, get used to more of this

Which of these was heard on Fox News and which appeared in a reputable news source (the Onion)?

Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu

[Plutocrat] Complains Boston Protesters Got "Between Me And A Steak Dinner."

Of course, the Onion is a satirical newspaper, but then Fox News is a satirical television network, so this could be splitting hairs.
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On the agenda for next week: putting Brawndo on the crops

Pinellas County Commission votes to stop putting fluoride in water supply

"Fluoride is a toxic substance," said tea party activist Tony Caso of Palm Harbor. "This is all part of an agenda that's being pushed forth by the so-called globalists in our government and the world government to keep the people stupid so they don't realize what's going on."

He added: "This is the U.S. of A, not the Soviet Socialist Republic."