The non-apology apology: so tricky to execute, it requires a committee

"O’Brien appointed a committee of three representatives to work with Vaillancourt to come up with an appropriate apology..."
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How to Act Human: Advice for Mitt Romney From Inside the Actors Studio

Public Service Announcement: The iPad is dangerous in Bed

Background (also included in the link) - apparently a girl fell asleep while holding her iPad above her head, dropped it, and chipped a few teeth as a result.

The iPad Is Dangerous In Bed:

I wonder what Apple will do to address this obviously fatal flaw with their device! For now, you have been warned!

Sexy Time (cont)

Police: Man drove 111 mph for sex:

Amorous Intentions - always phokking things up...

I did not make this up

Prairie Chicken Head Giveaway (First 1,500 Fans)

This may be one of the most unique giveaways in the history of the sports, and you don't want to miss it! The first 1,500 fans will receive a Prairie Chicken Head. Get to the park early, because these are sure to go fast!
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Was literally everyone else unavailable?

News item: World famous eater Kobayashi makes his first visit to Schaumburg for Boomers Opening Weekend.

Kobayashi is a professional eater who memorably challenged a Kodiak bear to a televised eating contest.

Did the bear know he was being challenged? Because I think if he did, he would have eaten Kobayashi.

In addition to Kobayashi’s appearance, the Boomers will be celebrating Opening Weekend with a one-of-a-kind Prairie Chicken Helmet Giveaway...

Okay, now I'm getting interested.
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Ver nice, how much?

BBC News - Kazakh gold medallist is played Borat anthem in Kuwait:

Why does Rick Santorum HATE the Pope?

Does Santorum think the pope is a ‘radical environmentalist’?

I assume someone will be denied Communion over this.
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Well, this explains how @kmaddest does it...

To Lose Weight, Just Drink a Gallon of Coffee:

So THAT'S how the bees disappeared...

The Associated Press: Swarm of bees delays Giants-Diamondbacks game:

The grounds crew came up with a sweet solution.

They smeared a combination of concession-stand lemonade and cotton candy on two utility carts and lured many of the bees away from fans and players.

Whatta buncha boobs

Tit Thinks it's People:

Making $#!+ up: sKILLy Division

Saskatchewan Screamer? What's next, British Columbia Brawler?

America, Distilled

From a Trib story about the "Santorum surge":

Part of the Santorum surge can be accounted for by disaffected supporters of Newt Gingrich, the former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

"I decided to support him three weeks ago. Before that, I was for Gingrich," said Steve Izev, 34, of Westerville, Ohio. "The more popular he got, the more I liked him."

The more popular he got, the more I liked him. Before that I liked the other guy that was getting popular. I love it. So....honest. I'm not really thinking about it, I'm just going with whoever everyone else likes, coz this Romney guy is suspect in some sort of way...

Someone who agrees with the @fungsterm

I'm a Chicagoan, and I like ketchup on my hot dog. Deal with it. | Chicago Quirk:

Why does Rolling Stone want Romney to win?

Back when he was running for president in 2008, Barack Obama insisted that medical marijuana was an issue best left to state and local governments. "I'm not going to be using Justice Department resources to try to circumvent state laws on this issue," he vowed, promising an end to the Bush administration's high-profile raids on providers of medical pot, which is legal in 16 states and the District of Columbia.

But over the past year, the Obama administration has quietly unleashed a multi­agency crackdown on medical cannabis that goes far beyond anything undertaken by George W. Bush. The feds are busting growers who operate in full compliance with state laws, vowing to seize the property of anyone who dares to even rent to legal pot dispensaries, and threatening to imprison state employees responsible for regulating medical marijuana. With more than 100 raids on pot dispensaries during his first three years, Obama is now on pace to exceed Bush's record for medical-marijuana busts. "There's no question that Obama's the worst president on medical marijuana," says Rob Kampia, executive director of the Marijuana Policy Project. "He's gone from first to worst."

Onion or Real? Area Man Has Heart Attack at Heart Attack Grill

Man Has Heart Attack While Eating At The Heart Attack Grill

"He had been eating a Triple Bypass Burger — or, a sandwich stacked with three patties of beef..."
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Carl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
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Awesome new films

I thought Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looked promising.

But I have been upstaged. Iron Sky tells the story of how a Nazi space program deposited the master race on the dark side of the moon, where they went on to live for 70 years, studying our culture, and only now returning to exploit our weaknesses. Oh - and the president is apparently Sarah Palin.

All this and the twinkie workers are apparently going on strike. The cosmic dissonance is going to tear the planet apart.

Shamelessly Recycling

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before, why else would it be on my hard drive?

"We don't need to ask who you're talking to. We know."

[T]he Obama administration...has brought more prosecutions against current or former government officials for providing classified information to the media than every previous administration combined. [...]

“The Justice Department has always taken seriously cases in which government employees and contractors entrusted with classified information are suspected of willfully disclosing such classified information to those not entitled to it,” a department official explained. “As a general matter, prosecutions of those who leaked classified information to reporters have been rare, due, in part, to the inherent challenges involved in identifying the person responsible for the illegal disclosure and in compiling the evidence necessary to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.”

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'ing)

Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., noticed that to subject American citizens to arrest without warrant and to detain us without trial violates the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Amendments of the Constitution. Feinstein proposed to specifically exempt American citizens from the NDAA's arrest policy.

Her clarification of the NDAA passed the Senate by a vote of 98 to 1. That's as bipartisan as it gets, even in good times. In these times, passage of Feinstein's clarification was a miracle of agreement.

Yet in the NDAA's final version, as signed by President Obama, American citizens are not exempt. How did that happen? [...]

The Obama White House specifically asked that U.S. citizens be subject to arrest without warrant and detention without trial.