Thursday, June 16, 2011

Stoooopid 'Mercans (cont)

Too many Whole Foods treats, so deer must leave Lake View - Chicago Sun-Times

A deer and two fawns living in a Lake View courtyard will be moved by Animal Control because residents continue to feed the babies milk from bottles and organic apples from Whole Foods. (Only the best organic stuff will do for Bambi - ed).

Feeding the animals could ultimately be harmful to the deer, and possibly to people if the doe came back and found them too near her babies, officials said.

Animal Control, which has been monitoring the situation for about a week, does not “normally get involved with a situation with a wild animal,” unless the animal is in danger or poses a threat, said City Animal Care and Control Commissioner Cherie Travis.

Since the deer were uninjured and were not bothering anyone, the agency left them alone, and asked area residents to do the same.

But residents couldn’t seem to leave nature to its own course.

“We just asked people not to feed them,” Travis said. “Unfortunately people did not heed our advice.”

The signs asking people not to feed the animals were taken down.

“We were aware people were feeding the fawns with a baby bottle (are you phokking kidding me? ed) when the mother was not there,” Travis said. This could be dangerous to the fawns and those feeding them, she explained.

If residents bring them food, the deer will make themselves comfortable there and that’s a possibility with the Lake View deer, Travis said. “People are going to Whole Foods and giving them organic apples.”

An additional concern, which Ald. Tom Tunney’s office contacted Animal Care about, was the gay pride parade on June 26, which is expected to bring hundreds of thousands of people to the neighborhood, some of whom could be inebriated. (so gays + alcohol = shitstorm of biblical proportions that the deer won't survive? ed)

So now the animals will be moved, but Travis said that is no easy proposition.

“We’re looking at a lot of different options to remove them as humanely (dey ain't hyoomans - ed)as possible,” she said. “We are exploring a lot of options, none of which are really good.”

If only we paid this much attention to hyooomans in need...

Skilly Sez®


Today: rain. Tomorrow: rain. Saturday: rain. Sunday: rain. Monday: rain. Tuesday: rain. Wednesday: rain.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Literally Unbelievable (cont)

Security guard tries to remove wart from finger with a shotgun - Local stories - Yorkshire Post

A SECURITY guard from South Yorkshire shot himself in the hand to try to remove a wart from his finger.

Sean Murphy, 38, lost most of his left middle finger after using the stolen 12-bore Beretta shotgun at a garden centre in Doncaster.

He also landed in court for using an illegal firearm, and was handed a 16-week suspended prison sentence.

Murphy was told at Doncaster Magistrates’ Court that the offence carried a maximum 15 year term.

But he said: “The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble.” (every cloud has a silver lining - ed)

Murphy, a security officer at Markham Grange Nurseries, Brodsworth, at the time of the incident in March, has since lost his job. He had suffered with the wart on the joint closest to the tip of his middle finger for more than five years.

He said: “It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to bend. I’d been to the doctors and tried all sorts of things but it wouldn’t go.

“I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it.”

Murphy, of Kings Road, Doncaster, pleaded guilty to theft of the shotgun by finding and possessing it without a valid firearms certificate.

Police were called to Markham Grange on the afternoon of March 13 to discover an injured man with a missing finger. He told them he had used a shotgun he had found in a hedge bottom near the nursery three months earlier.

An investigation showed it was taken during a burglary in 2009 but Murphy said he had no knowledge of that.

Martin Ward, prosecuting, said: “On the afternoon in question he had some drink.” (yes, as always, blame it on the alcohol - ed)

Richard Haigh, defending, said Murphy had been ‘a victim of his own stupidity’ when domestic pressures got to him.

District Judge Jonathan Bennett told the defendant: “I don’t know what was going on in your mind.”

Murphy was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work and pay costs of £100

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Nothing to see here. No video, anyway

If the Chicago cops recently indicted for sexual assault are convicted, they'll face four to 15 years in prison. That's the same sentence Tiawanda Moore is facing for trying to document her frustrations while reporting her own alleged sexual assault: Recording an on-duty police officer in Illinois is a Class 1 felony, the same class of crimes as rape.

[...]

Technically, so long as a person isn't physically interfering with an on-duty police officer, it's legal to record the officer in every state but Massachusetts and Illinois.

This is probably nothing to worry about, and in any case, it's so much easier to pretend that we don't have to

International Energy Agency: "IEA research has confirmed that, at 30.6 gigatonnes last year, carbon emissions are at their highest in history, making a record jump of 1.6Gt in the last decade. The globe now appears to be on track for a temperature rise of around 3.5 degrees Celsius, well beyond the 2 degree limit after which dramatic climate change will take place..." (Bummer... Ed.)

Some angry guy on the radio picking on that nice, clean-cut Mitt Romney: "We’re in the midst here of discovering that this is all a hoax. The last year has established that the whole premise of man-made global warming is a hoax, and we still have presidential candidates that want to buy into it." (Yay!! Ed.)

Never mind all that. Neuticles are so awesome, even Rocky Kardashian uses them. (On her pet... Ed.)
~

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Literally Unbelievable (cont)

Tennessee Just Made Offensive Online Pictures Illegal - Gizmodo

The law prohibits the online distribution of any image that might "frighten, intimidate or cause emotional distress" to someone who sees it. Which, really, could be virtually anything.

Like Smiff wearing an Elvis costume. Or K-Mad dressed as a chicken. Where does it end?

Monday, June 6, 2011

Carlos Zambrano Has Never Made the Wrong Pitch

Cubs’ Zambrano--clearly insane--apologizes for remarks

CINCINNATI (AP)—Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has apologized to closer Carlos Marmol for second-guessing how he pitched in Chicago’s most recent loss.

Zambrano criticized Marmol’s approach after a 3-2 loss Sunday at St. Louis. He said Marmol should have thrown Ryan Theriot a fastball rather than a slider, which the former Cubs player hit for a tying double in the ninth inning. Albert Pujols won it with a homer in the 10th.

Zambrano said before Monday night’s game at Cincinnati that he was wrong to criticize Marmol that way. He said he made the remarks out of frustration. Manager Mike Quade also talked to Zambrano and said he won’t be fined.

~

I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding...

Lenny Dykstra Charged With 23 Counts By Los Angeles County

Dykstra is charged with five counts of attempted grand theft auto, eight counts of filing false financial statements, four counts of identity theft, three counts of grand theft auto and three counts of possession of a controlled substance. All are felonies.

In addition, he is charged with one misdemeanor count each of possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and unauthorized possession of a syringe.

~


Damn liniency!


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Literally unbelievable (cont'd)

Place your Onion-or-real bets before you check this link.

... [C]onsider Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs and cats, at about $1,000 a pair, which, their designers say, help "your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering."

Friday, June 3, 2011

Literally unbelievable (cont'd)

Further evidence that the Soviets caved way too easily...

A few weeks ago representatives from a company called FireEye were in the GCN Lab demonstrating their product, which can protect networks from most phishing attacks. An engineer told me a story about a company he knew that would run phishing drills with their employees. They would tell everyone in the company that a phishing scam (created internally for just this purpose) would be delivered at noon the next day. They told them what the scam would attempt to get them to do and what the scam would look like. They told everyone to treat it like a real phishing scam, and to delete or ignore the e-mail. For extra points, they were told they could alert the tech staff about the attack, though this wasn’t required.

Sounds simple, right? According to the engineer telling the story, even with all those precautions, 60 percent of the people in the company still clicked on the e-mail the next day and about 30 percent entered their network passwords into the "hacker site." I can’t help but wonder how many of those same people must touch their red hot stove burner every day just to make sure it’s heating properly.
~

Friday, May 27, 2011

Drug War Profiteering

Click through for exciting new developments in the war on drugs. Why stop the flow of drugs when we can skim money off the top. Let's get those dealers selling!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

End-times Trivial Pursuit

Spent plenty of time hearing about Ragnorok, or something similar, the past couple weeks.

Here was the question I posited in the interwebs and so far the answers just seem to pick apart the question. Perhaps there are two many theoreticals (or too many people convinced they can't be wrong) but I thought it was fun and end-timey, topical in a truly American drive-thru religion type of way. If you die and find that you retain some consciousness - let's say like a spirit. But that your way to eternal life and salvation is denied (due to your religion). If you had the ability to somehow tell your loved ones to convert - would you do so?

The closest I got to an answer I liked was that there are three possible solutions (1) there is no afterlife, (2) there is an afterlife but no ability to communicate about it or (3) there is an afterlife and an ability to communicate about it and all of our ancestors are assholes. That responder said she favored doors No. 1 or 2.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Land of Scaring the Living S#i+ Out of You

ORANGEVILLE-(WREX) A disguised deputy entered Orangeville Jr-Sr High School Friday with a cap gun and fired it around students.

It was all part of a safety drill, but parents are angry and one mother and her son spoke out.

"I started praying to God and saying my last words," said Orangeville High School student Skylar Walters. "I was scared, I didn't know what to do," said

Walters was in gym class last Friday when a man came in with a gun, calling the name of a fellow student.

"Kids were just running everywhere and crying and hiding, ran off school grounds," said Walters. "It was just the scariest thing in my life."

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Really slow news day

According to some TV news prog in Florida, dis guy is a hoarder. An e-hoarder to be exact. Perhaps I'm speaking for myself, but dat guy is an amateur. 3,500 emails in his Gmail? The HORROR! I know someone who had 100,000 UNREAD messages. And I'm pretty sure I have 6 computer carcasses in my apartment - it's called wanting to recycle them but not knowing where to go to recycle them and maybe there's a part in there that I may need or maybe some day it will be worth a meeelion dollars because by then a meeelion dollars will be an hourly wage. But certainly not e-hoarding. Now the Packer stuff? Yeah, that's a little nutz.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Monday, May 9, 2011

Terrorist killed by terrorists?

According to ze Germans, ya...


"And they also have the ‘Team Six,’ that carried out the mission. They don’t have the skull in their emblem for nothing."

Our culture is so convincing foreign news publishes it as real. I mean, how many Onion stories have been published in newspapers as the real deal? Now a fan made emblem ends up on tee vee? The rest of the world is boned.